Chapter 226: Joining Ranks
22nd March 2012, New York City
(James Barnes POV)
“She does what she does because it’s right, and most of all because it’s kind. Because in her core, when you strip away all the bitterness, all the pain, all the agony she feels at every moment, in the very core of her being is kindness. She is, by far, the kindest person that I have ever met, and probably will ever meet, even if she would probably disagree. That is why I trust Jasmine Sayre. And you should think to yourself, James Barnes, is she a person worth following, is she a person worth your allegiance? Tomorrow, she is going to go through one of the riskiest, and most dangerous gambles she has ever taken in her life. And I want to be with her when she does it, for all of humanity. Because she could have given up, and chosen to die, like I know she desperately wants to, deep down, but she is choosing to sacrifice whatever is left of her for us, and I will be with her to support her when she does. The question is, will you?”
The young woman turned around and walked back into the mansion, leaving a thoughtful man, more confused than he already was.
James stayed still, contemplating his choices and Jasmine’s offer. He didn’t know if he still wanted to follow her and join her side, in the inevitable conflict she was preparing for. Because, even to someone like Bucky, it was obvious that she was preparing for something. Everyone else seemed to know the danger, everyone except him, so far.
Before he realized it, it was already dawn. He had spent the entire night just thinking. While the sun was coming up, the woman who’s still confusing the fuck out of him walked through the door and watched the sunrise as if she was a dying woman. In a way, he could understand that, this could be one of the last moments that she’s still herself. It was horrible, terrifying really, to know that you’re going to lose a fundamental part of who you are on a specific day.
The woman in question walked towards him and took a deep breath. He heard her mutter, “Today is the day.”
James had to ask, “How are you doing?”
“I’d be lying if I said that I was fine. I’ve done so many dangerous things. I've defeated gods and demons, and fought things that you couldn’t even fathom, but I have never changed something so fundamental about me on such short notice. It’s scary in its own way, to not know if I will still stay as Jasmine when I wake up, or whether I'll become something else, something more.”
James couldn’t even fathom something like that happening. The World War two veteran knew that he was a simple creature at heart. He was never one to argue on the philosophies of the self. He had never even had a true passion. He tried to find it with Steve when they entered art school together. And when he still felt empty, he tried to find it in the army, but all he received in return was pain and death, “I’m not even going to pretend to understand the mumbo jumbo you’ve got going on, but you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Considering that you brought down Hydra while barely leaving your home at all, shows that. So, I’m going to give you one piece of advice. I don’t understand what this witch ritual thing will do, but I will ask you this, is there a way you could avoid doing it?”
Jasmine shook her head and Bucky continued, “Is there any way you could make it safer, or better for you?”
Again, the witch shook her head, “Okay, and this is the last one. Do you think that the world would be better off with you choosing to die and not perform the ritual?”
The woman shook her head once more, “We just removed every choice you had that wouldn’t have you going through the ritual. Which means that there’s no use worrying about it. You will go through with it and you will deal with the consequences, no matter what they might be.”
Jasmine burst into laughter, “You make it seem so simple.”
“It’s not simple,” Bucky replied, “As a matter of fact, every single person living on this miserable little planet should be thankful for what you’re willing to give up for them. I don’t really understand what you’re going to do, or how that’s going to affect you, but in the end, you have already made your choice to go through with it because every other outcome is just unacceptable. So, just stop worrying, enjoy the time you have before the ritual and hope for the best.”
The witch gave him an odd look, “you’re far wiser than you look, James Barnes.”
The soldier didn’t know whether he should take that as an insult or not. Instead, he stayed silent and the two of them just enjoyed the comfortable silence, until James asked the question that boiled inside of him, “Why did you save me? And why did you use me to get rid of Hydra? We both know that you don’t need me or my loyalty, and we both know that you could have done all of that on your own, without involving me at all.”
Jasmine chuckled at his little rant, “You’ve been keeping that in for a while, huh? Tell me, when you look at this lake, what do you see?”
James had no idea what the hell that had to do with his question, but he chose to indulge the woman and just answer her question, “I guess I see a lake, a potential for a painting. It’s a beautiful view.”
“The concept of beauty is a human one, a mortal one. A man could look at this view right here and see a painting, a photo, a video, a sculpture, a poem or a novel. This, right here, is why I’m so afraid today. Because the more powerful you become, the less these things mean to you. You stop seeing the concepts, and the beauty around them, the way the water slightly ripples, an imperfection in an otherwise perfect image. Instead, all you see is the atoms that make up the water, the formulas that describe the water’s movement. The more you study anything, the more knowledgeable you are about anything, the less you appreciate its beauty. The world becomes dimmer, and a tad less bright. That could be me, tomorrow, I could just stop appreciating art, or beauty in general. That’s what I’m afraid of changing in me.”
James was still confused by her answer, “What does that have to do with me?”
“You asked me about my motivation, and in this case, it was fear. Honestly, I knew about your situation, about Hydra, about your identity for years, and yet I did nothing. It wasn’t my fight, and I was going to let your governments, the Avengers and so on, sort it among themselves. But the moment I saw you when you foolishly tried to kill me, I started to ponder on what it would mean to me if I’d just left you in their hands, and should I survive the ritual ahead of me, would I even think about saving you, about destroying Hydra. So, I chose to do it now, rather than just wait for the Avengers to get their shit together and notice that there’s a problem. And there’s also the fact that your situation struck a chord with me. Because I, too, was chained to someone, forced to serve them for thousands of years.”
Bucky was completely flabbergasted by this little revelation, “Someone was able to take control of you?”
She shrugged, “Magic is complicated. The main difference is, that I chose to serve her in exchange of her sparing my people, and I still kept my mind, and my identity while doing so. The problem was that the deal was ironclad and magically enforced. There was no way out, no escape whatsoever. I was able to escape when I found out that she couldn’t have access to me anymore. I quit that day. Looking at you that day, made me remember what I used to be before I escaped, what could have happened to me if my patron had decided to be a bit more forceful, or make sure to stamp out any thoughts of rebellion.”
“Is that why you saved me? You saw yourself in my situation?”
The woman snorted, “Over the centuries, I’ve seen a lot of cases far worse than your situation. Sometimes I helped and sometimes I just looked the other way. I’m not here to micromanage human lives. I get involved if I see something I don’t like, but I don’t actively hunt down everyone who commits a crime. Trust me, your situation is not unique, especially when there’s magic thriving in the world. I chose to save you because I saw an opportunity to save someone in your situation before I lost whatever’s left of my humanity. Because if I didn’t even try to save someone who has suffered as much as you have, who barely remembers what it was like to be happy, then what humanity do I actually have left to lose anymore?”
The former Winter Soldier didn’t expect such a sincere confession from the part of his host. It did make sense; no one in this world is made of pure goodness. The closest person he had ever seen that would come to this would be Steve Rogers, who could barely be considered a functional human being, “What about Hydra?”
Again, the woman shrugged, “They were going to be dealt with, anyway. I chose to do it because I was bored and wanted to distract myself about my coming ritual.”
“Then why wait until I woke up to deal with them?”
She sighed in exasperation, “Sometimes, when we suffer, we need a little vindication, a little revenge. I decided to use you to end Hydra, so that you wouldn't get yourself killed trying to be a one man army, in a foolish attempt to bring down the organization. Which allowed you to have a sort of complete revenge over you captors without risking your life too much. With the possibility of revenge done, you could finally start moving on, accept what happened to you and deal with your pain properly. I decided to use the opportunity I had to destroy Hydra and to bring you peace, so that you could live again. I wouldn’t go through the trouble of saving you if there wasn’t a chance for you to have a life. In the end, I destroyed Hydra who were starting to irritate me, and I got you started on becoming a healthy human being again. Two birds, one stone.”
James wasn’t surprised about this. Rose had told him that Jasmine might be cold on the outside, acted a bit bitter towards life in general, but in her core, she was just kind. And in the end, no matter how she wanted to phrase it, she saved him out of kindness. She was going through something different, and in what could have possibly been her last week of life, she chose to show him kindness, and do what might have been, for her, one of the last acts of kindness she would ever do.
No matter how brave and unconcerned she looked, Bucky knew that deep in her heart the woman was terrified. But this was a person worth following and even if she could be changing after today, she deserved his allegiance, at least for now. The woman in front of him was worthy of his services.
He looked at her and steeled himself. The last time he had sworn allegiance to anyone was when he first joined the army. He had regretted it ever since. He really hoped that this would be different, “I’ve made my choice. I want to stay here. I want to join your team.”
Chapter 226: Joining Ranks
22nd March 2012, New York City
(James Barnes POV)
“She does what she does because it’s right, and most of all because it’s kind. Because in her core, when you strip away all the bitterness, all the pain, all the agony she feels at every moment, in the very core of her being is kindness. She is, by far, the kindest person that I have ever met, and probably will ever meet, even if she would probably disagree. That is why I trust Jasmine Sayre. And you should think to yourself, James Barnes, is she a person worth following, is she a person worth your allegiance? Tomorrow, she is going to go through one of the riskiest, and most dangerous gambles she has ever taken in her life. And I want to be with her when she does it, for all of humanity. Because she could have given up, and chosen to die, like I know she desperately wants to, deep down, but she is choosing to sacrifice whatever is left of her for us, and I will be with her to support her when she does. The question is, will you?”
The young woman turned around and walked back into the mansion, leaving a thoughtful man, more confused than he already was.
James stayed still, contemplating his choices and Jasmine’s offer. He didn’t know if he still wanted to follow her and join her side, in the inevitable conflict she was preparing for. Because, even to someone like Bucky, it was obvious that she was preparing for something. Everyone else seemed to know the danger, everyone except him, so far.
Before he realized it, it was already dawn. He had spent the entire night just thinking. While the sun was coming up, the woman who’s still confusing the fuck out of him walked through the door and watched the sunrise as if she was a dying woman. In a way, he could understand that, this could be one of the last moments that she’s still herself. It was horrible, terrifying really, to know that you’re going to lose a fundamental part of who you are on a specific day.
The woman in question walked towards him and took a deep breath. He heard her mutter, “Today is the day.”
James had to ask, “How are you doing?”
“I’d be lying if I said that I was fine. I’ve done so many dangerous things. I've defeated gods and demons, and fought things that you couldn’t even fathom, but I have never changed something so fundamental about me on such short notice. It’s scary in its own way, to not know if I will still stay as Jasmine when I wake up, or whether I'll become something else, something more.”
James couldn’t even fathom something like that happening. The World War two veteran knew that he was a simple creature at heart. He was never one to argue on the philosophies of the self. He had never even had a true passion. He tried to find it with Steve when they entered art school together. And when he still felt empty, he tried to find it in the army, but all he received in return was pain and death, “I’m not even going to pretend to understand the mumbo jumbo you’ve got going on, but you’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. Considering that you brought down Hydra while barely leaving your home at all, shows that. So, I’m going to give you one piece of advice. I don’t understand what this witch ritual thing will do, but I will ask you this, is there a way you could avoid doing it?”
Jasmine shook her head and Bucky continued, “Is there any way you could make it safer, or better for you?”
Again, the witch shook her head, “Okay, and this is the last one. Do you think that the world would be better off with you choosing to die and not perform the ritual?”
The woman shook her head once more, “We just removed every choice you had that wouldn’t have you going through the ritual. Which means that there’s no use worrying about it. You will go through with it and you will deal with the consequences, no matter what they might be.”
Jasmine burst into laughter, “You make it seem so simple.”
“It’s not simple,” Bucky replied, “As a matter of fact, every single person living on this miserable little planet should be thankful for what you’re willing to give up for them. I don’t really understand what you’re going to do, or how that’s going to affect you, but in the end, you have already made your choice to go through with it because every other outcome is just unacceptable. So, just stop worrying, enjoy the time you have before the ritual and hope for the best.”
The witch gave him an odd look, “you’re far wiser than you look, James Barnes.”
The soldier didn’t know whether he should take that as an insult or not. Instead, he stayed silent and the two of them just enjoyed the comfortable silence, until James asked the question that boiled inside of him, “Why did you save me? And why did you use me to get rid of Hydra? We both know that you don’t need me or my loyalty, and we both know that you could have done all of that on your own, without involving me at all.”
Jasmine chuckled at his little rant, “You’ve been keeping that in for a while, huh? Tell me, when you look at this lake, what do you see?”
James had no idea what the hell that had to do with his question, but he chose to indulge the woman and just answer her question, “I guess I see a lake, a potential for a painting. It’s a beautiful view.”
“The concept of beauty is a human one, a mortal one. A man could look at this view right here and see a painting, a photo, a video, a sculpture, a poem or a novel. This, right here, is why I’m so afraid today. Because the more powerful you become, the less these things mean to you. You stop seeing the concepts, and the beauty around them, the way the water slightly ripples, an imperfection in an otherwise perfect image. Instead, all you see is the atoms that make up the water, the formulas that describe the water’s movement. The more you study anything, the more knowledgeable you are about anything, the less you appreciate its beauty. The world becomes dimmer, and a tad less bright. That could be me, tomorrow, I could just stop appreciating art, or beauty in general. That’s what I’m afraid of changing in me.”
James was still confused by her answer, “What does that have to do with me?”
“You asked me about my motivation, and in this case, it was fear. Honestly, I knew about your situation, about Hydra, about your identity for years, and yet I did nothing. It wasn’t my fight, and I was going to let your governments, the Avengers and so on, sort it among themselves. But the moment I saw you when you foolishly tried to kill me, I started to ponder on what it would mean to me if I’d just left you in their hands, and should I survive the ritual ahead of me, would I even think about saving you, about destroying Hydra. So, I chose to do it now, rather than just wait for the Avengers to get their shit together and notice that there’s a problem. And there’s also the fact that your situation struck a chord with me. Because I, too, was chained to someone, forced to serve them for thousands of years.”
Bucky was completely flabbergasted by this little revelation, “Someone was able to take control of you?”
She shrugged, “Magic is complicated. The main difference is, that I chose to serve her in exchange of her sparing my people, and I still kept my mind, and my identity while doing so. The problem was that the deal was ironclad and magically enforced. There was no way out, no escape whatsoever. I was able to escape when I found out that she couldn’t have access to me anymore. I quit that day. Looking at you that day, made me remember what I used to be before I escaped, what could have happened to me if my patron had decided to be a bit more forceful, or make sure to stamp out any thoughts of rebellion.”
“Is that why you saved me? You saw yourself in my situation?”
The woman snorted, “Over the centuries, I’ve seen a lot of cases far worse than your situation. Sometimes I helped and sometimes I just looked the other way. I’m not here to micromanage human lives. I get involved if I see something I don’t like, but I don’t actively hunt down everyone who commits a crime. Trust me, your situation is not unique, especially when there’s magic thriving in the world. I chose to save you because I saw an opportunity to save someone in your situation before I lost whatever’s left of my humanity. Because if I didn’t even try to save someone who has suffered as much as you have, who barely remembers what it was like to be happy, then what humanity do I actually have left to lose anymore?”
The former Winter Soldier didn’t expect such a sincere confession from the part of his host. It did make sense; no one in this world is made of pure goodness. The closest person he had ever seen that would come to this would be Steve Rogers, who could barely be considered a functional human being, “What about Hydra?”
Again, the woman shrugged, “They were going to be dealt with, anyway. I chose to do it because I was bored and wanted to distract myself about my coming ritual.”
“Then why wait until I woke up to deal with them?”
She sighed in exasperation, “Sometimes, when we suffer, we need a little vindication, a little revenge. I decided to use you to end Hydra, so that you wouldn't get yourself killed trying to be a one man army, in a foolish attempt to bring down the organization. Which allowed you to have a sort of complete revenge over you captors without risking your life too much. With the possibility of revenge done, you could finally start moving on, accept what happened to you and deal with your pain properly. I decided to use the opportunity I had to destroy Hydra and to bring you peace, so that you could live again. I wouldn’t go through the trouble of saving you if there wasn’t a chance for you to have a life. In the end, I destroyed Hydra who were starting to irritate me, and I got you started on becoming a healthy human being again. Two birds, one stone.”
James wasn’t surprised about this. Rose had told him that Jasmine might be cold on the outside, acted a bit bitter towards life in general, but in her core, she was just kind. And in the end, no matter how she wanted to phrase it, she saved him out of kindness. She was going through something different, and in what could have possibly been her last week of life, she chose to show him kindness, and do what might have been, for her, one of the last acts of kindness she would ever do.
No matter how brave and unconcerned she looked, Bucky knew that deep in her heart the woman was terrified. But this was a person worth following and even if she could be changing after today, she deserved his allegiance, at least for now. The woman in front of him was worthy of his services.
He looked at her and steeled himself. The last time he had sworn allegiance to anyone was when he first joined the army. He had regretted it ever since. He really hoped that this would be different, “I’ve made my choice. I want to stay here. I want to join your team.”
