Chapter 227: Humanity
22nd March 2012, New York City
(James Barnes POV)
James wasn’t surprised about this. Rose had told him that Jasmine might be cold on the outside, acted a bit bitter towards life in general, but in her core, she was just kind. And in the end, no matter how she wanted to phrase it, she saved him out of kindness. She was going through something different, and in what could have possibly been her last week of life, she chose to show him kindness, and do what might have been, for her, one of the last acts of kindness she would ever do.
No matter how brave and unconcerned she looked, Bucky knew that deep in her heart the woman was terrified. But this was a person worth following and even if she could be changing after today, she deserved his allegiance, at least for now. The woman in front of him was worthy of his services.
He looked at her and steeled himself. The last time he had sworn allegiance to anyone was when he first joined the army. He had regretted it ever since. He really hoped that this would be different, “I’ve made my choice. I want to stay here. I want to join your team.”
23rd March 2012, New York City
(Jasmine Sayre POV)
Today is the day. It feels like a dream, in a way. The fact that after today everything was going to change, everything was going to be different. I was going to be different, on a very fundamental level. Over the years, as I grew more apathetic to suffering, to joy, to hatred, to life really, I could feel my humanity chipping away with every day I lived. Humans were never supposed to be long lived. They lived very short yet fulfilling lives, condensed like a story. Because what was life but a story. After everything was gone, after their deaths what remained but the stories, the tales of their pain, hatred, love, joy and sorrow. In the end, aren’t we all stories that start the day we’re born and end the day we die.
Human stories are short, sweet, full of action, but for someone as long lived as me, my story is spread over countless volumes with enough pages to reach the moon. After a while, the story becomes predictable, boring. When someone lives too long, after a certain threshold, they stop being human. I tried to hold onto as much as possible, dividing my long life into little lifetimes with different identities, making bonds, relationships, in the vain hope that if I care enough, if I’m hurt enough, I was still human. This was something fundamental to my identity and today, I will actively reject it. Today, all this effort will be for nothing. I will reject my humanity in an effort to save the multiverse itself. If there was any other way, I would have accepted my condition and would have chosen to die.
Honestly, I was tired. Tired of the fight, of the struggle. What more do I have to give up in this cursed life, what more do I even have left? It would be so easy to give up, to rest. I’m always in pain now, always feeling the agony as I see everything around me die. This Death sense thing wasn’t meant for a mortal, or an immortal really. I could see Odin falling into the madness as he got overwhelmed by this power. The worst thing is that I could feel more powers from the imprint try to manifest themselves.
Calling Death’s powers dangerous would be an understatement. They represented the end, the ultimate end of all things. I could not risk falling into madness with more powers manifesting themselves. I would be a danger to everyone, especially to my family, to Selene, Wanda, Rose, and Jean. I had to choose between death or losing my humanity. For the sake of the world, I will shed my humanity away. I can only hope that what remains is not monstrous.
Selene had taken the last few days off to spend time with me. We didn’t talk much, there’s very little we need to speak of, that’s how well we know each other. We just stayed in each other’s arms for hours. Unfortunately, Selene doesn’t really understand. By the time we had met each other, she had already suffered so much, and with whatever men or women she had been attached to inevitable dying, she had cast away her humanity. Thousands, even millions could die, and she wouldn’t care. I loved her, so much, but she was as broken as I was. I did my best to give her something to care for, but in the end, she still doesn’t care for anyone but me. She tolerates Wanda, Jean, and Rose because I love them, not because she has any attachment to them. She just doesn’t want to see me in pain. She fundamentally doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I don’t think that anyone else ever can. They try to understand, Rose and the others, and it’s flattering to see them care this much about me, but in the end, they don’t understand what I’m giving up, because their humanity is so intertwined with their personas that they can’t even conceive life without it.
Earlier in the day, I decided to get out of the manor and watch the lake. It was beautiful, the sunrise, the way it showed itself in the lake. I wondered if I could appreciate its beauty tomorrow, after I’m done with it.
A small tear appeared in the corner of my eye and fell down my cheek when I asked myself that question. I telekinetically vanished the tear from my face when James Barnes looked at me. The man had asked me a few uncomfortable questions considering my motives with him. Truthfully, I don’t know why I saved him. I understand that I removed the brainwashing that Hydra put in his head and gave him a structured risk free revenge that would stop him from going on a foolish suicidal mission for revenge by himself, because I wanted to save him. But I don’t know why I wanted to save him. Perhaps it was a way for me to prove to myself that I still had a sliver of humanity left, or perhaps I wanted to save one more life, change one last life before I change myself. Perhaps it doesn’t matter in any way, what’s done is done, and even if I was flattered with his declaration of allegiance, it won’t change anything in the long run.
Slowly, the residents of the manor started to wake up. Rose was up first, then Selene and finally Wanda and Jean returned together. No one spoke a word, we all just looked at the lake and waited for some unknown signal to get ready.
I was glad to share this moment with them, with my family, not the one I was born to, but the one that I had chosen. I imagined my father, Atlan, watching me from far away, smiling at the scene. I could almost see his proud gaze, the pain in his eyes, knowing what was in store in my future.
Today, I stop being a witch, I stop being a creature of magic. Today, I ascend, and I will admit that I am terrified. Then, I heard a cry, it was soothing, cooling, it was beautiful. Erebus erupted from the shadows and circled the lake quickly. He then, flew towards me and nuzzled his head against mine.
I smiled warmly at him, “I guess it’s time.”
My familiar sent out a mournful cry. I could see that he was hurting as much as I was about this. This was my oldest friend, the person that knows me the most.
I nodded and stood up; the rest of my little entourage got up with me. Rose ended up being the one to speak up, “Are you ready for this?”
I shrugged, “Not really, but it’s the best way out of this situation.”
Wanda asked me in a low voice, “Do you regret quitting from Death’s service. If you were still his avatar, you could have avoided all of this.”
I gave her a sad smile, “I do not. Being bound to that entity caused me nothing but heartache, pain and misery. Never underestimate the value of freedom. It’s such a precious commodity, such a precious privilege that you will never understand it until you lose it.”
I looked towards Bucky, and he nodded, “I would rather live in constant pain and be myself, than return to Hydra’s service.”
I nodded at his answer and continued, “In many ways, the last few days, after I returned to this universe, was the happiest I’d been in a very long time. I realize now that it’s gone, how much serving that entity had affected my everyday life in a very fundamental way.”
That’s not speaking about the fact that my servitude to Death had been something the entity had planned for. Over the years, I had researched the ritual the Grimm family created to summon Death. It was just plain wrong on so many levels. Firstly, if anything of Death’s power didn’t want to be summoned, there’s nothing anyone could do. Secondly, the cost of a ritual that could summon something like Death was immense, and by immense, I mean draining the magic of the entire planet immense. It was unfeasible for mortals, Atlanteans or not, to summon a fucking cosmic entity of all things. The ritual could at most, summon a reaper, one of Death’s servants, which means that the cosmic entity had actively chosen to possess a reaper, knowing that it would cause Atlantis to sink, and that I would protect it. It does explain why Death’s power was so contained for an entity that represented the ultimate end of all things. She did all of this, to fight me and to make me an offer that she knew I would accept.
On that day, Death succeeded. I don’t know why she chose me out of every single soul in the multiverse. There were many people who would have dreamed of taking my place, of serving Death and becoming immortal in return and yet she chose me. She didn’t just choose me, she fought and allowed herself to be summoned by mortals of all things, just to get me to serve as her champion. With this, Death gained a champion, a hunter, but even then, this was one universe. I kept the balance on one planet, in one universe. I didn’t understand why she chose to keep me here, why it matters. This universe might be in the center of the multiverse, but in the end, there were an infinite number of universes being destroyed because someone messed with the natural laws. If this reality dies, then another one will take its place as the prime universe. Forcing me to protect a single universe as her lone avatar didn’t make sense.
Death had a plan, something that involved me and my reality, and I didn’t know what it was. Maybe it involved Entropy’s mad quest. I didn’t have the faintest clue. It’s not like I have ever spoken to Death after the day I accepted her deal. It was just orders; urges she gave me towards certain people. One moment, I would be fine, and another, I would become the hunter and kill the people who have disobeyed the laws of Death.
In the end, I just gave up trying to understand. Death was just beyond me, beyond my understanding. Now, I needed to focus on the ritual.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even realize that I had stayed silent for five minutes straight. Selene had given me a knowing look, understanding that I was just lost in thoughts, Wanda though, looked at me worryingly, “Are you alright?”
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m ready. It’s time.”
“Where are we going?” Rose asked.
I gave her a cheeky smirk, one that was a bit forced, “Why, we’re going to the most advanced country in the world?”
Rose looked confused and I didn’t blame her. After all, I was going to perform a ritual, not visit a country. Still, she played along and tried to guess the country, “Latveria?”
Huh, not a bad guess, “No, we’re going to Wakanda.”
Chapter 227: Humanity
22nd March 2012, New York City
(James Barnes POV)
James wasn’t surprised about this. Rose had told him that Jasmine might be cold on the outside, acted a bit bitter towards life in general, but in her core, she was just kind. And in the end, no matter how she wanted to phrase it, she saved him out of kindness. She was going through something different, and in what could have possibly been her last week of life, she chose to show him kindness, and do what might have been, for her, one of the last acts of kindness she would ever do.
No matter how brave and unconcerned she looked, Bucky knew that deep in her heart the woman was terrified. But this was a person worth following and even if she could be changing after today, she deserved his allegiance, at least for now. The woman in front of him was worthy of his services.
He looked at her and steeled himself. The last time he had sworn allegiance to anyone was when he first joined the army. He had regretted it ever since. He really hoped that this would be different, “I’ve made my choice. I want to stay here. I want to join your team.”
23rd March 2012, New York City
(Jasmine Sayre POV)
Today is the day. It feels like a dream, in a way. The fact that after today everything was going to change, everything was going to be different. I was going to be different, on a very fundamental level. Over the years, as I grew more apathetic to suffering, to joy, to hatred, to life really, I could feel my humanity chipping away with every day I lived. Humans were never supposed to be long lived. They lived very short yet fulfilling lives, condensed like a story. Because what was life but a story. After everything was gone, after their deaths what remained but the stories, the tales of their pain, hatred, love, joy and sorrow. In the end, aren’t we all stories that start the day we’re born and end the day we die.
Human stories are short, sweet, full of action, but for someone as long lived as me, my story is spread over countless volumes with enough pages to reach the moon. After a while, the story becomes predictable, boring. When someone lives too long, after a certain threshold, they stop being human. I tried to hold onto as much as possible, dividing my long life into little lifetimes with different identities, making bonds, relationships, in the vain hope that if I care enough, if I’m hurt enough, I was still human. This was something fundamental to my identity and today, I will actively reject it. Today, all this effort will be for nothing. I will reject my humanity in an effort to save the multiverse itself. If there was any other way, I would have accepted my condition and would have chosen to die.
Honestly, I was tired. Tired of the fight, of the struggle. What more do I have to give up in this cursed life, what more do I even have left? It would be so easy to give up, to rest. I’m always in pain now, always feeling the agony as I see everything around me die. This Death sense thing wasn’t meant for a mortal, or an immortal really. I could see Odin falling into the madness as he got overwhelmed by this power. The worst thing is that I could feel more powers from the imprint try to manifest themselves.
Calling Death’s powers dangerous would be an understatement. They represented the end, the ultimate end of all things. I could not risk falling into madness with more powers manifesting themselves. I would be a danger to everyone, especially to my family, to Selene, Wanda, Rose, and Jean. I had to choose between death or losing my humanity. For the sake of the world, I will shed my humanity away. I can only hope that what remains is not monstrous.
Selene had taken the last few days off to spend time with me. We didn’t talk much, there’s very little we need to speak of, that’s how well we know each other. We just stayed in each other’s arms for hours. Unfortunately, Selene doesn’t really understand. By the time we had met each other, she had already suffered so much, and with whatever men or women she had been attached to inevitable dying, she had cast away her humanity. Thousands, even millions could die, and she wouldn’t care. I loved her, so much, but she was as broken as I was. I did my best to give her something to care for, but in the end, she still doesn’t care for anyone but me. She tolerates Wanda, Jean, and Rose because I love them, not because she has any attachment to them. She just doesn’t want to see me in pain. She fundamentally doesn’t understand what I’m going through. I don’t think that anyone else ever can. They try to understand, Rose and the others, and it’s flattering to see them care this much about me, but in the end, they don’t understand what I’m giving up, because their humanity is so intertwined with their personas that they can’t even conceive life without it.
Earlier in the day, I decided to get out of the manor and watch the lake. It was beautiful, the sunrise, the way it showed itself in the lake. I wondered if I could appreciate its beauty tomorrow, after I’m done with it.
A small tear appeared in the corner of my eye and fell down my cheek when I asked myself that question. I telekinetically vanished the tear from my face when James Barnes looked at me. The man had asked me a few uncomfortable questions considering my motives with him. Truthfully, I don’t know why I saved him. I understand that I removed the brainwashing that Hydra put in his head and gave him a structured risk free revenge that would stop him from going on a foolish suicidal mission for revenge by himself, because I wanted to save him. But I don’t know why I wanted to save him. Perhaps it was a way for me to prove to myself that I still had a sliver of humanity left, or perhaps I wanted to save one more life, change one last life before I change myself. Perhaps it doesn’t matter in any way, what’s done is done, and even if I was flattered with his declaration of allegiance, it won’t change anything in the long run.
Slowly, the residents of the manor started to wake up. Rose was up first, then Selene and finally Wanda and Jean returned together. No one spoke a word, we all just looked at the lake and waited for some unknown signal to get ready.
I was glad to share this moment with them, with my family, not the one I was born to, but the one that I had chosen. I imagined my father, Atlan, watching me from far away, smiling at the scene. I could almost see his proud gaze, the pain in his eyes, knowing what was in store in my future.
Today, I stop being a witch, I stop being a creature of magic. Today, I ascend, and I will admit that I am terrified. Then, I heard a cry, it was soothing, cooling, it was beautiful. Erebus erupted from the shadows and circled the lake quickly. He then, flew towards me and nuzzled his head against mine.
I smiled warmly at him, “I guess it’s time.”
My familiar sent out a mournful cry. I could see that he was hurting as much as I was about this. This was my oldest friend, the person that knows me the most.
I nodded and stood up; the rest of my little entourage got up with me. Rose ended up being the one to speak up, “Are you ready for this?”
I shrugged, “Not really, but it’s the best way out of this situation.”
Wanda asked me in a low voice, “Do you regret quitting from Death’s service. If you were still his avatar, you could have avoided all of this.”
I gave her a sad smile, “I do not. Being bound to that entity caused me nothing but heartache, pain and misery. Never underestimate the value of freedom. It’s such a precious commodity, such a precious privilege that you will never understand it until you lose it.”
I looked towards Bucky, and he nodded, “I would rather live in constant pain and be myself, than return to Hydra’s service.”
I nodded at his answer and continued, “In many ways, the last few days, after I returned to this universe, was the happiest I’d been in a very long time. I realize now that it’s gone, how much serving that entity had affected my everyday life in a very fundamental way.”
That’s not speaking about the fact that my servitude to Death had been something the entity had planned for. Over the years, I had researched the ritual the Grimm family created to summon Death. It was just plain wrong on so many levels. Firstly, if anything of Death’s power didn’t want to be summoned, there’s nothing anyone could do. Secondly, the cost of a ritual that could summon something like Death was immense, and by immense, I mean draining the magic of the entire planet immense. It was unfeasible for mortals, Atlanteans or not, to summon a fucking cosmic entity of all things. The ritual could at most, summon a reaper, one of Death’s servants, which means that the cosmic entity had actively chosen to possess a reaper, knowing that it would cause Atlantis to sink, and that I would protect it. It does explain why Death’s power was so contained for an entity that represented the ultimate end of all things. She did all of this, to fight me and to make me an offer that she knew I would accept.
On that day, Death succeeded. I don’t know why she chose me out of every single soul in the multiverse. There were many people who would have dreamed of taking my place, of serving Death and becoming immortal in return and yet she chose me. She didn’t just choose me, she fought and allowed herself to be summoned by mortals of all things, just to get me to serve as her champion. With this, Death gained a champion, a hunter, but even then, this was one universe. I kept the balance on one planet, in one universe. I didn’t understand why she chose to keep me here, why it matters. This universe might be in the center of the multiverse, but in the end, there were an infinite number of universes being destroyed because someone messed with the natural laws. If this reality dies, then another one will take its place as the prime universe. Forcing me to protect a single universe as her lone avatar didn’t make sense.
Death had a plan, something that involved me and my reality, and I didn’t know what it was. Maybe it involved Entropy’s mad quest. I didn’t have the faintest clue. It’s not like I have ever spoken to Death after the day I accepted her deal. It was just orders; urges she gave me towards certain people. One moment, I would be fine, and another, I would become the hunter and kill the people who have disobeyed the laws of Death.
In the end, I just gave up trying to understand. Death was just beyond me, beyond my understanding. Now, I needed to focus on the ritual.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even realize that I had stayed silent for five minutes straight. Selene had given me a knowing look, understanding that I was just lost in thoughts, Wanda though, looked at me worryingly, “Are you alright?”
I nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m ready. It’s time.”
“Where are we going?” Rose asked.
I gave her a cheeky smirk, one that was a bit forced, “Why, we’re going to the most advanced country in the world?”
Rose looked confused and I didn’t blame her. After all, I was going to perform a ritual, not visit a country. Still, she played along and tried to guess the country, “Latveria?”
Huh, not a bad guess, “No, we’re going to Wakanda.”
