Gabby and I press forward step by step, subduing the Goblinoids that get in our way. The little green shortstack at my side can handle Goblins and Hobs with a careful application of Earth Magic and chokeholds while I focus on any Orcs we come across. My wife’s new Apprentice’s Rod doubles as a staff on her short stature and triples as a club when she swings it at a dumb Goblin’s cranium.
Looking ahead, I see what Suka and Dura have been up to.
The Orcess dutifully found Igrut and decided to occupy him. After seeing how she fought two and three Orcs at a time before, I almost discounted the threat an Ogre posed. However, even though he’s inebriated with Twisted apples and there isn’t a tier-differential between them, the power gap on display is shockingly apparent.
Igrut is a full three feet taller than Dura, with the accompanying increases in mass, reach, and strength. Proportionally, this is like a five-foot-tall woman picking a fight with a seven-foot-tall drunkard. There’s basically nothing she can do to him, and he only needs to land one blow to turn the tables.
My warrior lover circles the brute, menacing her club without daring to close for a strike. All the while, Igrut is swinging his club at her with impunity over and over, not fearing any reprisal. She needs an opening.
Meanwhile, it takes all the Dire Wolf girl’s efforts to keep other Goblinoids away from the duel. She sprints back and forth, around and about, nipping at Orcs, shoulder-checking Hobs, and bodying any Goblins who dare cross her path.
The Twisted Apple Treefolk and Pitcher woman seem annoyed, but largely unconcerned with the battle. They’re more focused on catching and eating as many fleeing Fuzzy folk as possible. The Twisted Apple appears to have regenerated his crotch, though he’s sporting a micropenis at the moment until the full log has a chance to regrow.
Time to swing things in our favor!
I see Gabby turn her attention to Dura, so I face the Treefolk. I summon a spear with a thought and throw it at the twisted bastard.
“Sorry I took your twig! Here, I’ll lend you a prick!”
My spear thunks into his nose as he hears my words and turns to lay his beady eyes on me. Too bad I didn’t hit him somewhere vital. Fast Learner or no, I’m not a crack shot.
“Gah! It’s the bitch that took my cock!” He rips the spear from his face, showing little damage, and crushes it with his fist.
Good, he recognizes me in the armor.
From the corner of my eye, I see Igrut stumble as the ground beneath his foot shifts. Great job, Gabby! Dura lunges forward to deliver a solid thwack to his ear. The cauliflower lump of flesh bleeds, and he howls in pain, but the Ogre doesn’t go down.
The Apple Tree sees this too, and frowns. He waves a hand, returning the favor by tripping Dura this time. She catches herself once, but he repeats the gesture two more times until the Orcess slips again and falls prone.
Igrut is above her with a terrible metal-studded club hoisted high overhead, ready to end her life before she can rise.
I lift my hand to intervene, but the grass around me is suddenly up to my shoulders and tying knots around my limbs! A glance reveals I’m being targeted by the Pitcher woman. Her green magic is holding me in place as she advances on me. If I don’t save my own skin, I’ll be taking an acid bath soon!
Another glance shows Gabby frantically waving her Rod in Dura’s direction to no effect. The Twisted Treefolk’s laughter reveals he is counterspelling her Earth Magic with his own. He’s content to let the scene between Dura and Igrut play out.
Fuck, even with my newfound strength and magic, I can’t save her in time!
Then Suka bite-tackles the Ogre, latching onto his shoulder and throwing him off-balance so his blow hits the ground in a plume of dust. Dura is on her feet in another instant to deliver a second clubbing to his arm. He shrugs off the hit as he twists to fling Suka away. Dura is doing damage, yes, but even with all her strength, the Ogre is just too durable.
I refocus my attention on freeing myself. Tugging with all my strength lets me rip an arm free of the grassy tethers. That allows me to use Earth Magic to loosen the soil around me, making it easy to pull up the green bondage like weeds.
Staggering away from my short-lived leafy prison, I turn to face the Pitcher woman as I backpedal away from the terrifying Treefolk. Her expression is a melting pot of lust, hunger, and sadism as her vines drag her forward. I summon another spear to throw and somehow get lucky.
It’s a perfect shot that pierces her right through the neck!
Her nymphlike top half goes limp, slumping backward with her arms splayed, bleeding gouts of sap. I actually did it!
I stop congratulating myself as two beady eyes open on the pitcher itself, and it roars at me in fury. A dozen vines fly my way as I continue my retreat. My next summoned spear flashes and slashes, cutting and jabbing at the treacherous green tentacles while my feet carry me out of range.
Looking over at my companions, I gasp in dismay. Gabby is locked in a magical duel of counter spells with the Twisted tree bastard. Suka rises from where she fell to rejoin the battle, but the time it took her to do so costs Dura. A half-dozen Hobs and Goblins mob the Orcess in a dogpile that weighs her down.
That may as well be a death sentence when facing an Ogre.
Igrut winds back his club and delivers an uppercut blow that sends Dura and her mob flying. Now, we’re fucked. At least Suka can keep the Ogre and Goblinoid rabble busy with her wolf speed.
The Twisted Apple Tree soon realizes he doesn’t need to block Gabby’s Earth Magic anymore. He plucks rotten poison apples from his branches and starts throwing them at her. Gabby, in turn, uses Fast Learner to predict the arcs of the slow projectiles and dodges admirably.
I still have to deal with the Pitcher Treefolk. Wolf Rush! With the boost of speed, I can throw a spear every ten steps while maintaining my distance. My throws aim for the pitcher itself this time.
The first thrown spear gets stuck in place. The Pitcher is perhaps 1% more upset than before, but nothing besides that happens. I toss my second spear harder with my full Orcish strength, and that does the trick. My flung dart pierces fully through the Pitcher wall to create a hole for acid to spill forth from.
Great, now the monster chasing me is covered in acid as well! Fuck!
Getting within grasping range of the Pitcher’s vines is game over for me, and my stamina won’t last long enough to whittle away my pursuer’s life. With no other option, I employ my previous tactic.
I run headlong toward the Twisted tree bastard. He sees me coming, but I dodge the rotten apples he throws my way, letting them splatter all over the rampaging Pitcher plant.
Gabby starts using Earth Magic on the Ogre and Goblinoids, but it’s not enough to let Suka finish things quickly. We’re running out of time. I can’t escape the Twisted Treefolk forever, and more Goblinoids are returning from chasing the scattered Fuzzy folk to join the battle every minute. We’ll be overwhelmed.
“RAAAH!!!”
A great battle cry startles everyone as Dura rises to her feet, changed. The near-death experience forced her evolution!
I spare a second to appraise the transformation. The biggest change to her face is the recession of her tusks to minor points extending past her lips. I’d expected an Ogress to be mannish or ugly without the rose-tinted glasses of my Orc-loving upbringing, but damn. Dura is ten feet of muscles and curves, pale-skinned, with melon-sized breasts. She has boulder-crushing thighs, buns of steel, and shoulders that could lift a horse.
That’s a lot of woman!
Dura charges Igrut like a Minotaur, barreling past Orcs like they’re nothing, knocking Hobs aside, and threatening to crush any Goblin who doesn’t leap out of the way. She’s bloody and bruised from her previous beating but won’t let that stop her. The two Ogres collide in a tackle that becomes a wrestling match as they lock hands.
“Suka!” Gabby calls the Dire Wolf girl over, surprising both her and myself. I know both of them have a free moment with the Goblinoids distracted and the Apple bastard refocusing on Dura’s duel.
Then I’m out of time.
Wolf Rush!
I push past my mounting weariness to skirt around the Twisted Apple Tree and let the Pitcher plant crash into him. His Earth Magic sabotaging Dura is disrupted, but now both Treefolk are attacking me!
Vines, thrown apples, and Earth Magic come at me in a barrage. I’m only saved by my experience with Fast Learner, having studied the trajectories of those attacks long enough to predict them. Still, I’m forced to stand my ground while spinning and jabbing with my spear to deflect projectiles and cut apart green tendrils before they grab me. Another minute and I’ll slip up, too exhausted to perform the necessary evasive maneuvers.
Before I succumb, I see a light dart toward the Pitcher. It’s Suka, carrying a torch in her mouth! The Dire Wolf girl touches the burning tip to the plant’s side, and fire spreads across the Treefolk’s front as it shrieks in agony.
How is this possible? Green plants aren’t dry enough to burn… Is the acid leaking from the Pitcher flammable? No.
Suka uses her Dire Wolf Rush to dodge flaming vines and a thrown apple, then strikes the Apple bastard’s trunk with the flaming brand. His wood smolders a bit, as he’s drier than his Pitcher counterpart, but he quickly pats out the fire before it can spread.
So, it was something else on the Pitcher plant?
I look at Gabby, and my eyes widen to saucers. She’s standing there grinning like an evil genius, with good reason. I see the rotten fruit surrounding her, the fallen Hob wooden clubs, her spectacles glinting with captured sunlight clutched in a raised fist, and everything clicks.
The fermented fruit is far boozier than I’d suspected! Gabby must have realized that when she licked the apple core. (The apples had to be extremely boozy to inebriate even a Goblinoid’s iron stomach!) She smeared the sodden alcoholic mess over one of the clubs to start it burning, and then all she needed was a spark from her glasses to focus sunlight!
The little Goblin mastermind had called Suka over to equip her with the burning weapon. The apples I’d dodged on my run toward the Twisted Tree hit the Pitcher and covered the plant with flammable liquid. That made our next course of action clear.
“Hit him with the apples!” I shout, then proceed to follow my own advice. I leap high into the air with Harpy Lightweight and bat one of the dangling rotten apples with the butt of my spear like an ancient human pinata. The fermented fruit explodes in an arc of juices that splatters over the Twisted bastard’s front.
Then Suka darts back in to finally ignite the Apple bastard!
An arc of flame burns on his front like a legendary sword slash. He screams in pain but starts patting out the fire. I don’t give him a chance; instead, I jump again, targeting another apple, and smash the rotten fruit onto his face this time! The juices ignite once again, causing further conflagration.
The Pitcher plant isn’t done, though. The second Treefolk lumbers forward, awash with flame, and blindly lashes out at everything around it. Flaming vines come for Suka and me, but tangle in the Apple bastard’s branches as well.
“Get the fuck off me, stupid cunt!” he shouts while desperately trying to smother the fires and disentangle himself. Instead, the Pitcher plant drags in everything it can catch hold of, tightening its grip, and embracing its victims in mutual flame.
I bat aside the burning vines targeting me while Suka dodges away. Seeing an opportunity as I backpedal, I throw my spear. The projectile hits the Pitcher at an angle, slashing a line in its side instead of puncturing a hole. When the Pitcher plant thrashes in flaming anguish, it further tears the slice until a waterfall of acid spills forth.
“FUUUCK!!!”
The acid spills directly onto the Twisted Apple bastard and even pours into his mouth as the two Treefolk are bound ever tighter together by flaming vines. Steam rises from him as he claws at his melting face. It barely matters, as the branches above have caught flame, causing the rotten apples to explode and cover everything nearby in burning alcohol.
*Roasted the Twisted Apple Treefolk – Two Forest Marks!*
*Barbequed the Pitcher Treefolk – One Forest Mark!*
Suka and I retreat from the exploding fruit and survey the battlefield. The Fuzzy folk have all left, the Goblinoids are staring at the bonfire dumbly, and Gabby is proudly watching the conclusion of the Ogre duel without interfering.
Dura has her arms around Igrut from behind. She lifts him as we watch to slam the Ogre in a spectacular suplex. Rising to her feet, the battered and bloodied Ogress raises her hands in victory when her opponent fails to stand.
“Dura win!!!”
Gabby and I press forward step by step, subduing the Goblinoids that get in our way. The little green shortstack at my side can handle Goblins and Hobs with a careful application of Earth Magic and chokeholds while I focus on any Orcs we come across. My wife’s new Apprentice’s Rod doubles as a staff on her short stature and triples as a club when she swings it at a dumb Goblin’s cranium.
Looking ahead, I see what Suka and Dura have been up to.
The Orcess dutifully found Igrut and decided to occupy him. After seeing how she fought two and three Orcs at a time before, I almost discounted the threat an Ogre posed. However, even though he’s inebriated with Twisted apples and there isn’t a tier-differential between them, the power gap on display is shockingly apparent.
Igrut is a full three feet taller than Dura, with the accompanying increases in mass, reach, and strength. Proportionally, this is like a five-foot-tall woman picking a fight with a seven-foot-tall drunkard. There’s basically nothing she can do to him, and he only needs to land one blow to turn the tables.
My warrior lover circles the brute, menacing her club without daring to close for a strike. All the while, Igrut is swinging his club at her with impunity over and over, not fearing any reprisal. She needs an opening.
Meanwhile, it takes all the Dire Wolf girl’s efforts to keep other Goblinoids away from the duel. She sprints back and forth, around and about, nipping at Orcs, shoulder-checking Hobs, and bodying any Goblins who dare cross her path.
The Twisted Apple Treefolk and Pitcher woman seem annoyed, but largely unconcerned with the battle. They’re more focused on catching and eating as many fleeing Fuzzy folk as possible. The Twisted Apple appears to have regenerated his crotch, though he’s sporting a micropenis at the moment until the full log has a chance to regrow.
Time to swing things in our favor!
I see Gabby turn her attention to Dura, so I face the Treefolk. I summon a spear with a thought and throw it at the twisted bastard.
“Sorry I took your twig! Here, I’ll lend you a prick!”
My spear thunks into his nose as he hears my words and turns to lay his beady eyes on me. Too bad I didn’t hit him somewhere vital. Fast Learner or no, I’m not a crack shot.
“Gah! It’s the bitch that took my cock!” He rips the spear from his face, showing little damage, and crushes it with his fist.
Good, he recognizes me in the armor.
From the corner of my eye, I see Igrut stumble as the ground beneath his foot shifts. Great job, Gabby! Dura lunges forward to deliver a solid thwack to his ear. The cauliflower lump of flesh bleeds, and he howls in pain, but the Ogre doesn’t go down.
The Apple Tree sees this too, and frowns. He waves a hand, returning the favor by tripping Dura this time. She catches herself once, but he repeats the gesture two more times until the Orcess slips again and falls prone.
Igrut is above her with a terrible metal-studded club hoisted high overhead, ready to end her life before she can rise.
I lift my hand to intervene, but the grass around me is suddenly up to my shoulders and tying knots around my limbs! A glance reveals I’m being targeted by the Pitcher woman. Her green magic is holding me in place as she advances on me. If I don’t save my own skin, I’ll be taking an acid bath soon!
Another glance shows Gabby frantically waving her Rod in Dura’s direction to no effect. The Twisted Treefolk’s laughter reveals he is counterspelling her Earth Magic with his own. He’s content to let the scene between Dura and Igrut play out.
Fuck, even with my newfound strength and magic, I can’t save her in time!
Then Suka bite-tackles the Ogre, latching onto his shoulder and throwing him off-balance so his blow hits the ground in a plume of dust. Dura is on her feet in another instant to deliver a second clubbing to his arm. He shrugs off the hit as he twists to fling Suka away. Dura is doing damage, yes, but even with all her strength, the Ogre is just too durable.
I refocus my attention on freeing myself. Tugging with all my strength lets me rip an arm free of the grassy tethers. That allows me to use Earth Magic to loosen the soil around me, making it easy to pull up the green bondage like weeds.
Staggering away from my short-lived leafy prison, I turn to face the Pitcher woman as I backpedal away from the terrifying Treefolk. Her expression is a melting pot of lust, hunger, and sadism as her vines drag her forward. I summon another spear to throw and somehow get lucky.
It’s a perfect shot that pierces her right through the neck!
Her nymphlike top half goes limp, slumping backward with her arms splayed, bleeding gouts of sap. I actually did it!
I stop congratulating myself as two beady eyes open on the pitcher itself, and it roars at me in fury. A dozen vines fly my way as I continue my retreat. My next summoned spear flashes and slashes, cutting and jabbing at the treacherous green tentacles while my feet carry me out of range.
Looking over at my companions, I gasp in dismay. Gabby is locked in a magical duel of counter spells with the Twisted tree bastard. Suka rises from where she fell to rejoin the battle, but the time it took her to do so costs Dura. A half-dozen Hobs and Goblins mob the Orcess in a dogpile that weighs her down.
That may as well be a death sentence when facing an Ogre.
Igrut winds back his club and delivers an uppercut blow that sends Dura and her mob flying. Now, we’re fucked. At least Suka can keep the Ogre and Goblinoid rabble busy with her wolf speed.
The Twisted Apple Tree soon realizes he doesn’t need to block Gabby’s Earth Magic anymore. He plucks rotten poison apples from his branches and starts throwing them at her. Gabby, in turn, uses Fast Learner to predict the arcs of the slow projectiles and dodges admirably.
I still have to deal with the Pitcher Treefolk. Wolf Rush! With the boost of speed, I can throw a spear every ten steps while maintaining my distance. My throws aim for the pitcher itself this time.
The first thrown spear gets stuck in place. The Pitcher is perhaps 1% more upset than before, but nothing besides that happens. I toss my second spear harder with my full Orcish strength, and that does the trick. My flung dart pierces fully through the Pitcher wall to create a hole for acid to spill forth from.
Great, now the monster chasing me is covered in acid as well! Fuck!
Getting within grasping range of the Pitcher’s vines is game over for me, and my stamina won’t last long enough to whittle away my pursuer’s life. With no other option, I employ my previous tactic.
I run headlong toward the Twisted tree bastard. He sees me coming, but I dodge the rotten apples he throws my way, letting them splatter all over the rampaging Pitcher plant.
Gabby starts using Earth Magic on the Ogre and Goblinoids, but it’s not enough to let Suka finish things quickly. We’re running out of time. I can’t escape the Twisted Treefolk forever, and more Goblinoids are returning from chasing the scattered Fuzzy folk to join the battle every minute. We’ll be overwhelmed.
“RAAAH!!!”
A great battle cry startles everyone as Dura rises to her feet, changed. The near-death experience forced her evolution!
I spare a second to appraise the transformation. The biggest change to her face is the recession of her tusks to minor points extending past her lips. I’d expected an Ogress to be mannish or ugly without the rose-tinted glasses of my Orc-loving upbringing, but damn. Dura is ten feet of muscles and curves, pale-skinned, with melon-sized breasts. She has boulder-crushing thighs, buns of steel, and shoulders that could lift a horse.
That’s a lot of woman!
Dura charges Igrut like a Minotaur, barreling past Orcs like they’re nothing, knocking Hobs aside, and threatening to crush any Goblin who doesn’t leap out of the way. She’s bloody and bruised from her previous beating but won’t let that stop her. The two Ogres collide in a tackle that becomes a wrestling match as they lock hands.
“Suka!” Gabby calls the Dire Wolf girl over, surprising both her and myself. I know both of them have a free moment with the Goblinoids distracted and the Apple bastard refocusing on Dura’s duel.
Then I’m out of time.
Wolf Rush!
I push past my mounting weariness to skirt around the Twisted Apple Tree and let the Pitcher plant crash into him. His Earth Magic sabotaging Dura is disrupted, but now both Treefolk are attacking me!
Vines, thrown apples, and Earth Magic come at me in a barrage. I’m only saved by my experience with Fast Learner, having studied the trajectories of those attacks long enough to predict them. Still, I’m forced to stand my ground while spinning and jabbing with my spear to deflect projectiles and cut apart green tendrils before they grab me. Another minute and I’ll slip up, too exhausted to perform the necessary evasive maneuvers.
Before I succumb, I see a light dart toward the Pitcher. It’s Suka, carrying a torch in her mouth! The Dire Wolf girl touches the burning tip to the plant’s side, and fire spreads across the Treefolk’s front as it shrieks in agony.
How is this possible? Green plants aren’t dry enough to burn… Is the acid leaking from the Pitcher flammable? No.
Suka uses her Dire Wolf Rush to dodge flaming vines and a thrown apple, then strikes the Apple bastard’s trunk with the flaming brand. His wood smolders a bit, as he’s drier than his Pitcher counterpart, but he quickly pats out the fire before it can spread.
So, it was something else on the Pitcher plant?
I look at Gabby, and my eyes widen to saucers. She’s standing there grinning like an evil genius, with good reason. I see the rotten fruit surrounding her, the fallen Hob wooden clubs, her spectacles glinting with captured sunlight clutched in a raised fist, and everything clicks.
The fermented fruit is far boozier than I’d suspected! Gabby must have realized that when she licked the apple core. (The apples had to be extremely boozy to inebriate even a Goblinoid’s iron stomach!) She smeared the sodden alcoholic mess over one of the clubs to start it burning, and then all she needed was a spark from her glasses to focus sunlight!
The little Goblin mastermind had called Suka over to equip her with the burning weapon. The apples I’d dodged on my run toward the Twisted Tree hit the Pitcher and covered the plant with flammable liquid. That made our next course of action clear.
“Hit him with the apples!” I shout, then proceed to follow my own advice. I leap high into the air with Harpy Lightweight and bat one of the dangling rotten apples with the butt of my spear like an ancient human pinata. The fermented fruit explodes in an arc of juices that splatters over the Twisted bastard’s front.
Then Suka darts back in to finally ignite the Apple bastard!
An arc of flame burns on his front like a legendary sword slash. He screams in pain but starts patting out the fire. I don’t give him a chance; instead, I jump again, targeting another apple, and smash the rotten fruit onto his face this time! The juices ignite once again, causing further conflagration.
The Pitcher plant isn’t done, though. The second Treefolk lumbers forward, awash with flame, and blindly lashes out at everything around it. Flaming vines come for Suka and me, but tangle in the Apple bastard’s branches as well.
“Get the fuck off me, stupid cunt!” he shouts while desperately trying to smother the fires and disentangle himself. Instead, the Pitcher plant drags in everything it can catch hold of, tightening its grip, and embracing its victims in mutual flame.
I bat aside the burning vines targeting me while Suka dodges away. Seeing an opportunity as I backpedal, I throw my spear. The projectile hits the Pitcher at an angle, slashing a line in its side instead of puncturing a hole. When the Pitcher plant thrashes in flaming anguish, it further tears the slice until a waterfall of acid spills forth.
“FUUUCK!!!”
The acid spills directly onto the Twisted Apple bastard and even pours into his mouth as the two Treefolk are bound ever tighter together by flaming vines. Steam rises from him as he claws at his melting face. It barely matters, as the branches above have caught flame, causing the rotten apples to explode and cover everything nearby in burning alcohol.
*Roasted the Twisted Apple Treefolk – Two Forest Marks!*
*Barbequed the Pitcher Treefolk – One Forest Mark!*
Suka and I retreat from the exploding fruit and survey the battlefield. The Fuzzy folk have all left, the Goblinoids are staring at the bonfire dumbly, and Gabby is proudly watching the conclusion of the Ogre duel without interfering.
Dura has her arms around Igrut from behind. She lifts him as we watch to slam the Ogre in a spectacular suplex. Rising to her feet, the battered and bloodied Ogress raises her hands in victory when her opponent fails to stand.
“Dura win!!!”
