Boring caves. Boring rocks. Boring tunnels. Boring stalactites. Boring pebbles. Boring stalagmites. Boring gravel.
“Alex, I can walk.”
“Not a chance. You're my precious new wife, carrying my and my head wife's offspring. I'm not risking you getting snatched by another Burrower. I'm not letting you out of my arms, let alone my sight if I can help it.”
Opal's red scales blush darker as I speak. “T-take a left up here. That's the shortest path to the surface.”
My Kobold lover is leading me through the maze of samey caverns to find a way out. She's lived here her whole life and knows them quite well. I'll be glad to leave this pit of disappointment far behind.
I'm already dreaming of reuniting with Gale when I hear metallic clattering in the distance.
“What's that?”
“The soldiers? What are they going this high up? Alex, go back the other way.”
I'm not one to run from a fight, but I've got a harem girl to worry about. I follow Opal's instruction to retreat. It's just misfortunate we hear the same banging and clanking coming towards us from that direction as well.
“Is this a pincer attack?” How could the enemy know I'm here?
“No, I think they're sweeping the area. They keep talking about how they'll cleanse the mountain of Weblings, and all the Kobolds should join them.”
I stop running. “They're just Kobolds?”
“No, they're Lizardmen.”
Two groups catch me between them and move in formation to engage us.
They're muscular seven-foot-tall humanoid crocodiles by my best approximation. They're covered head to toe in shiny metal armor and wield metallic weapons. The strange thing is that I'm used to Summoned items being basically identical. Every item from pauldron to polearm is weirdly unique and poorly made as if cobbled together from spare parts.
Also, they each bear an identical black collar.
“Intruder under the mountain!”
“She's stealing our women!”
“Recapture the female Kobold!”
“Take them to the Breeding Chambers!”
Not fucking likely.
I summon an ember spear and chuck it at the nearest lizard. To my immense disappointment, the projectile hits a chest plate and scatters coals onto nonflammable steel. They're hairless and naked underneath the armor, giving me nothing to burn.
Earth Magic plus Swarm Slime Multitasking allows me to trip three enemies at once. Third-tier Earth Magic has them falling prone instead of simply stumbling. Except, there're too many of them, and I need one of those focuses to attack.
Next, I aim a normal spear for an open mouth. He snaps his jaw shut in time for my shaft to clang onto his helmet, ripping it off and leaving a few scrapes. The Lizardman covers his bare head with his gauntlets to counter my follow-up spear. Shit.
“Opal, close your eyes.” It's not like she's a combatant anyway. “Flou, Olindia, I need you.”
Half a dozen pseudopods spring from my armor to aid in the fight. Olindia's are long and end in microscopic stingers that envenomate on contact with skin (or scales in this case). Flou's are shorter but more numerous and end in crystal-blood blades. Unfortunately, neither are very effective.
Olindia manages to get past one Lizard's armor, and he collapses screaming while clutching where he was stung, but there're a dozen opponents. Flou slashes and slices to no effect against their defenses. Blood darts find gaps in the metallic plates but can't find the Lizards' vital points. The slow bleeding from their wounds won't stop them, and the Lizardmen refuse to retreat.
“Freak!”
“Aberration!”
Then the reptilians counterattack, hacking and chopping through pseudopods with the sharp edges of their crude weapons. The press of bodies closes in on us, undeterred by my threatening spear that slides off ugly armor plates to hit non-lethal areas again and again. We're not killing them fast enough.
I need both hands.
“Fuck! Opal, hop down and focus on evasion!”
The little Kobold drops from my grip, freeing a second ambidextrous arm, but the Lizardmen immediately go for her without regard for my repercussions.
“Leave her alone!”
Wolf Rush!
Armpit, neck, and thigh, my spears find gaps in their defenses, but their scales are tough, and my wooden weapon draws little blood.
“Take the female and run! We'll hold off the aberration!”
Crude metallic weapons land on me with impunity as I ignore Predator Sense premonitions to force my way past the Lizardmen. The blows crack my crab armor, which is insufficient to withstand genuine metal and leave bruises on my body, but Jellyfish Slime Constitution prevents any broken bones. Several reptilians drop their weapons to tackle me, weighing me down so I can't jump over them with Lightweight or break through with Wolf Rush.
I drop my spears and place my palms on their metal armor, inspired by desperation. Ember magic turns the metal cherry red as more reptilian screams fill the air. My targets release me and turn to flee, but their former buddies prevent my victims' escape to keep me penned in. And cooking them to death is a slow way to kill.
“Die for the master!” comes their battle cry.
Olindia puts another down, but there're still too many. The one she hit earlier is rising to his feet despite the pain. That means she's not delivering much venom through their tough scales. Flou can't land a killing blow. Dammit!
I try jumping now there're fewer tackling me. I ascend into the air (thankful for the high cave ceiling), but a reptilian I fried lunges for me in a dying fury after his lethal burns. His jaws close around my ankle, cracking my crab armor, and would've broken my bone if not for Slime Constitution.
I shoot vines from their ports on my joints, striking stalactites for purchase, determined to pull myself free of this melee. It's a tug-of-war between me and the lizard. Flou uses a pseudopod with a blood grappling hook to assist me, but several reptilians think to throw sharp weapons at the lifelines.
With our escape plan severed, I fall as I watch a Lizardman carry Opal away. Blows rain down on me after I land, gradually breaking apart my crustacean armor like an old-fashioned crab boil.
I snap. Rage overflows my being, and all three of my Multitasking focuses concentrate on finding the most ruthless, brutal solution possible.
“Flou, give me a big fuckoff hammer.”
Three Red Swarm Slime bodies converge into a 15-gallon crystal-blood morning star. I grip the haft and tug; my Orcish muscles bulging. This thing weighs, like, a hundred pounds. My Blood Magic reduces the effective weight through levitation, but I need a boost. I curse myself for previous thrift as I turtle down to make a change to my tattoo marks.
*Selected Red Slime Blood Magic!*
Another hit shatters my back plate, but I'm on my feet gripping a massive tool that appears deceptively light with my doubled Blood Magic. The Lizardmen are too fanatical to be properly scared. That's fine, as they won't live much longer; I've decided what to call this thing.
“Die, motherfucker.”
Grabbing the shaft, I lift Blood Star high and bring it crashing onto the skull of the lizard who just struck me. My Blood Magic pulls the weapon down with the same force I used to levitate it, adding to my strength by effectively doubling its weight. The result is a reptilian pancake and a truly horrific gore splatter.
That makes the Lizardmen pause.
“Too late to run.”
I swing Blood Star in a horizontal arc around me. Lizardmen go flying with blood spikes piercing through their plate mail. The additional force of the weapon's momentum drives the red crystals through armor like a hammer and stake. Through the haft, I feel bones break and crunch as they take blunt damage from the impact as well. When they fall, they don't get up.
Spilled blood flows through the air, spiraling into Blood Star to replace the spikes that broke off. I love this thing.
Wolf Rush!
I dash forward, barely slowed by Blood Star, and uppercut the nearest Lizardman. My blow rockets him up, his jaws wide in a pained cry, into a stalagmite. The stone spike impales him through the mouth and out the other side.
Wolf Rush!
Another dash, another reptilian struck in the chest and pinned to the wall squirting his guts out of every orifice.
They do finally break ranks and flee. Olindia's tendrils are more useful here, tethering opponents who try to run before I can get to them. I throw Blood Star at a coward, turning him into a smear on the cave floor. My weapon melts into Flou's three bodies, and she shlorps over to me before reforming Blood Star.
“Patience, boys! There's enough of us to go around!”
I spend a few more seconds polishing off the stragglers.
*Slaughtered the Lizardmen – One Draconic Mark*
My blood cools, and sanity returns. I need to find Opal!
Partner Tracker pays for itself a hundred-fold as I trace Opal through the caverns. Even with Mermaid Sight, I'd never be able to catch up with the native underground dwellers. I can't help noticing I'm descending. I don't hesitate despite going in the opposite direction I originally wanted. Also, I refresh my summoned crab armor while I have free time.
Just as I almost close the distance, another patrol of Lizardmen gets in my way. They're fodder with Blood Star in my hand, but getting past them unhindered isn't possible. They're suicidally dedicated to inhibiting my progress.
This time, when they turn tail and run from the slaughter, I notice their black collars radiating dark energy that seems to cause immense pain. They return to blocking my progress after that. The first group must have been extremely terrified to overcome it. These grunts don't survive long enough to feel true fear.
I pass a tunnel that smells like the ocean without comment. The observation registers in the back of my mind, but I don't spare a thought in the moment.
I'm on a mission, and nothing can distract me.
Then something small lands on my back. Many legs scramble for purchase on my armor. I imagine it's an extra-large Servitor until she starts talking.
“Wah ha ha ha! At last, a human to capture!”
It's another damn fucking spider.
Boring caves. Boring rocks. Boring tunnels. Boring stalactites. Boring pebbles. Boring stalagmites. Boring gravel.
“Alex, I can walk.”
“Not a chance. You're my precious new wife, carrying my and my head wife's offspring. I'm not risking you getting snatched by another Burrower. I'm not letting you out of my arms, let alone my sight if I can help it.”
Opal's red scales blush darker as I speak. “T-take a left up here. That's the shortest path to the surface.”
My Kobold lover is leading me through the maze of samey caverns to find a way out. She's lived here her whole life and knows them quite well. I'll be glad to leave this pit of disappointment far behind.
I'm already dreaming of reuniting with Gale when I hear metallic clattering in the distance.
“What's that?”
“The soldiers? What are they going this high up? Alex, go back the other way.”
I'm not one to run from a fight, but I've got a harem girl to worry about. I follow Opal's instruction to retreat. It's just misfortunate we hear the same banging and clanking coming towards us from that direction as well.
“Is this a pincer attack?” How could the enemy know I'm here?
“No, I think they're sweeping the area. They keep talking about how they'll cleanse the mountain of Weblings, and all the Kobolds should join them.”
I stop running. “They're just Kobolds?”
“No, they're Lizardmen.”
Two groups catch me between them and move in formation to engage us.
They're muscular seven-foot-tall humanoid crocodiles by my best approximation. They're covered head to toe in shiny metal armor and wield metallic weapons. The strange thing is that I'm used to Summoned items being basically identical. Every item from pauldron to polearm is weirdly unique and poorly made as if cobbled together from spare parts.
Also, they each bear an identical black collar.
“Intruder under the mountain!”
“She's stealing our women!”
“Recapture the female Kobold!”
“Take them to the Breeding Chambers!”
Not fucking likely.
I summon an ember spear and chuck it at the nearest lizard. To my immense disappointment, the projectile hits a chest plate and scatters coals onto nonflammable steel. They're hairless and naked underneath the armor, giving me nothing to burn.
Earth Magic plus Swarm Slime Multitasking allows me to trip three enemies at once. Third-tier Earth Magic has them falling prone instead of simply stumbling. Except, there're too many of them, and I need one of those focuses to attack.
Next, I aim a normal spear for an open mouth. He snaps his jaw shut in time for my shaft to clang onto his helmet, ripping it off and leaving a few scrapes. The Lizardman covers his bare head with his gauntlets to counter my follow-up spear. Shit.
“Opal, close your eyes.” It's not like she's a combatant anyway. “Flou, Olindia, I need you.”
Half a dozen pseudopods spring from my armor to aid in the fight. Olindia's are long and end in microscopic stingers that envenomate on contact with skin (or scales in this case). Flou's are shorter but more numerous and end in crystal-blood blades. Unfortunately, neither are very effective.
Olindia manages to get past one Lizard's armor, and he collapses screaming while clutching where he was stung, but there're a dozen opponents. Flou slashes and slices to no effect against their defenses. Blood darts find gaps in the metallic plates but can't find the Lizards' vital points. The slow bleeding from their wounds won't stop them, and the Lizardmen refuse to retreat.
“Freak!”
“Aberration!”
Then the reptilians counterattack, hacking and chopping through pseudopods with the sharp edges of their crude weapons. The press of bodies closes in on us, undeterred by my threatening spear that slides off ugly armor plates to hit non-lethal areas again and again. We're not killing them fast enough.
I need both hands.
“Fuck! Opal, hop down and focus on evasion!”
The little Kobold drops from my grip, freeing a second ambidextrous arm, but the Lizardmen immediately go for her without regard for my repercussions.
“Leave her alone!”
Wolf Rush!
Armpit, neck, and thigh, my spears find gaps in their defenses, but their scales are tough, and my wooden weapon draws little blood.
“Take the female and run! We'll hold off the aberration!”
Crude metallic weapons land on me with impunity as I ignore Predator Sense premonitions to force my way past the Lizardmen. The blows crack my crab armor, which is insufficient to withstand genuine metal and leave bruises on my body, but Jellyfish Slime Constitution prevents any broken bones. Several reptilians drop their weapons to tackle me, weighing me down so I can't jump over them with Lightweight or break through with Wolf Rush.
I drop my spears and place my palms on their metal armor, inspired by desperation. Ember magic turns the metal cherry red as more reptilian screams fill the air. My targets release me and turn to flee, but their former buddies prevent my victims' escape to keep me penned in. And cooking them to death is a slow way to kill.
“Die for the master!” comes their battle cry.
Olindia puts another down, but there're still too many. The one she hit earlier is rising to his feet despite the pain. That means she's not delivering much venom through their tough scales. Flou can't land a killing blow. Dammit!
I try jumping now there're fewer tackling me. I ascend into the air (thankful for the high cave ceiling), but a reptilian I fried lunges for me in a dying fury after his lethal burns. His jaws close around my ankle, cracking my crab armor, and would've broken my bone if not for Slime Constitution.
I shoot vines from their ports on my joints, striking stalactites for purchase, determined to pull myself free of this melee. It's a tug-of-war between me and the lizard. Flou uses a pseudopod with a blood grappling hook to assist me, but several reptilians think to throw sharp weapons at the lifelines.
With our escape plan severed, I fall as I watch a Lizardman carry Opal away. Blows rain down on me after I land, gradually breaking apart my crustacean armor like an old-fashioned crab boil.
I snap. Rage overflows my being, and all three of my Multitasking focuses concentrate on finding the most ruthless, brutal solution possible.
“Flou, give me a big fuckoff hammer.”
Three Red Swarm Slime bodies converge into a 15-gallon crystal-blood morning star. I grip the haft and tug; my Orcish muscles bulging. This thing weighs, like, a hundred pounds. My Blood Magic reduces the effective weight through levitation, but I need a boost. I curse myself for previous thrift as I turtle down to make a change to my tattoo marks.
*Selected Red Slime Blood Magic!*
Another hit shatters my back plate, but I'm on my feet gripping a massive tool that appears deceptively light with my doubled Blood Magic. The Lizardmen are too fanatical to be properly scared. That's fine, as they won't live much longer; I've decided what to call this thing.
“Die, motherfucker.”
Grabbing the shaft, I lift Blood Star high and bring it crashing onto the skull of the lizard who just struck me. My Blood Magic pulls the weapon down with the same force I used to levitate it, adding to my strength by effectively doubling its weight. The result is a reptilian pancake and a truly horrific gore splatter.
That makes the Lizardmen pause.
“Too late to run.”
I swing Blood Star in a horizontal arc around me. Lizardmen go flying with blood spikes piercing through their plate mail. The additional force of the weapon's momentum drives the red crystals through armor like a hammer and stake. Through the haft, I feel bones break and crunch as they take blunt damage from the impact as well. When they fall, they don't get up.
Spilled blood flows through the air, spiraling into Blood Star to replace the spikes that broke off. I love this thing.
Wolf Rush!
I dash forward, barely slowed by Blood Star, and uppercut the nearest Lizardman. My blow rockets him up, his jaws wide in a pained cry, into a stalagmite. The stone spike impales him through the mouth and out the other side.
Wolf Rush!
Another dash, another reptilian struck in the chest and pinned to the wall squirting his guts out of every orifice.
They do finally break ranks and flee. Olindia's tendrils are more useful here, tethering opponents who try to run before I can get to them. I throw Blood Star at a coward, turning him into a smear on the cave floor. My weapon melts into Flou's three bodies, and she shlorps over to me before reforming Blood Star.
“Patience, boys! There's enough of us to go around!”
I spend a few more seconds polishing off the stragglers.
*Slaughtered the Lizardmen – One Draconic Mark*
My blood cools, and sanity returns. I need to find Opal!
Partner Tracker pays for itself a hundred-fold as I trace Opal through the caverns. Even with Mermaid Sight, I'd never be able to catch up with the native underground dwellers. I can't help noticing I'm descending. I don't hesitate despite going in the opposite direction I originally wanted. Also, I refresh my summoned crab armor while I have free time.
Just as I almost close the distance, another patrol of Lizardmen gets in my way. They're fodder with Blood Star in my hand, but getting past them unhindered isn't possible. They're suicidally dedicated to inhibiting my progress.
This time, when they turn tail and run from the slaughter, I notice their black collars radiating dark energy that seems to cause immense pain. They return to blocking my progress after that. The first group must have been extremely terrified to overcome it. These grunts don't survive long enough to feel true fear.
I pass a tunnel that smells like the ocean without comment. The observation registers in the back of my mind, but I don't spare a thought in the moment.
I'm on a mission, and nothing can distract me.
Then something small lands on my back. Many legs scramble for purchase on my armor. I imagine it's an extra-large Servitor until she starts talking.
“Wah ha ha ha! At last, a human to capture!”
It's another damn fucking spider.
