“You’re blackmailing me into slavery?!” Oy, this guy. I’m not quite sure Stanley Steel here is worth salvaging….
“Hardly,” although that IS where I got the six year service thing… not all slavery was the abomination of the deep south, some of it was actually a lot better (and written into law that way) than the garbage that gave rise to unions in the United States, “I don’t want you doing anything suicidal - and even if you don’t like me as a person, you can be sure I won’t want to lose my investment - and while there will be some punitive clauses to help keep you in line…” namely, that I get to cast spells on you despite the side effects… maybe I’m a little evil.
“You’re just thinking about secretly blessing him, that’s fine…” my pink corrupter interjects in my head.
“... but none of them will extend the contract term. And when your contract term is up, you’re free to go, fully repaired and probably upgraded to restart your shipping business if you’re still so inclined.”
“But….” I can guess your objection, Stanley.
“The only thing I’m threatening you with is walking away - which, I might add, would still leave you better off than when you met me, as I’ve already fixed one of your systems… and you’ve been sitting here, conscious but stuck, for weeks, with the infosphere access needed to look for options. And I know you’ll have done so. Tell me: Do. You. Have. ANY. Better. Options?”
The AI pauses a long time, “... no…” and sighs through the speakers, “Fine. I’ll serve you. Six years. But I do reserve the right to change my mind after I see the actual contract.”
I smile, “Welcome to the team, Mr. Steel. I’m sure we’ll have a great working relationship. I’ll go find a suitable attorney to generate and file the actual paperwork… I’ll be back in a few days.”
“Great… that’s great…” the ship is feeling a bit sarcastic, I think…
“Oh, and one last thing, Mr. Steel…” He still hasn’t figured out what he’s missing.
“Ugh. The other shoe?” I’m not quite sure what he thinks I’m springing on him, but no…
“My name is Alex. And I will absolutely have it in the contract that you’re not to use those diminutives on me again,” and I know just the penalty, “they’re degrading. Good day.”
“Fine, fine…” I let the sounds of the whiny ship fade as I walk away.
I look up contract lawyers on my phone on the internet via wifi… sorry, my personal com on the local public infosphere… have to use the right terms… and find a few candidates. I find online reviews… read through them… check their company profiles… and eventually pick one based on reviews and history with shipboard AI contracts.
And I'm getting a female attorney. I hope she'll be sympathetic to me, and that a quick call with Steven will make her want to sabotage him a bit. I might be playing dirty. Of course, if I ‘win’, I'll probably end up with a very girly ship… hmm.
Still, beats no ship.
I book an appointment with Ms. Maroon through her infosphere portal without any issues… she has a quick opening, so I head out immediately. Her office is buried behind many other offices, which I navigate past until I find… how did she get an oak door? Every other door here is steel.
Well… there's an old brass knocker… I go ahead and use it. I hear a quiet, “Come in,” through the wood, and try the doorknob - also brass - and it opens.
Inside is a breath of fresh air: Once I close the door, I can barely tell I'm on a space station. There's a couple of plants growing in the back corner, a picture window shows a nice outdoor park in the sun, all the construction (including the desk) uses wood (mostly oak, but also a bit of birch and cedar… which are used to handle color patterns), and the place is seemingly lit by oil lamps.
I examine the room for a bit in shock while a woman in a business suit behind the desk smiles at me… OK, the window is a framed computer monitor, and the oil lamps’ flames are clever repeating holograms, but the rest… seems quite real.
OK, I'll bite, “I like the office. Where did you get actual wood?”
She chuckles, “Trade secret. What can I do for you?”
I smile, “My name is Alex Abrams,” I stick out my hand, which she shakes firmly as she stands, “I have an appointment with Ms. Maroon to write an employment contract for a starship AI. I'm afraid we haven't been introduced… are you her, or are you screening entrants for her?”
“That would be me,” Ms. Maroon answers, “Where did you find that title? I've taken pains to scrub my gender from official sources for business reasons.”
We both sit down while I chuckle, “Customer reviews hosted on third party services. Hard to scrub those while leaving the review in place. In this case, though, it was a factor in selecting you.”
Ms. Maroon raises an eyebrow, “Oh?”
I haven't bound my chest again, so… “I expect you'll understand after you talk to Steven Steel, the ship I'll be employing.”
The attorney hums, “And what is it, exactly, you want in the contract, Ms. Abrams?”
That stings slightly, but I'm deliberately presenting as a woman right now, so… whatever, “Well, Mr. Steel is heavily damaged, and has agreed to serve me for a term in exchange for repairs…” we go over the specifics that I dictated to Steven, plus the punitive measures I'm after.
She seems confused, “That sounds a lot less exploitative than what most people try to impose on salvaged starships. Why do you need me to be ‘sympathetic’ here?”
Here we go… “Well, if the punitive measures for disobedience include fines or something, they could be construed as a plan to extend the contract indefinitely; so obviously that's a no-go.”
My lawyer nods, “Obviously, it could get the contract overturned in court due to AI protection laws. Hence the ‘hold harmless’ for the side effects of your magic… which I’m guessing are the real punitive measures, then, and why you want my sympathy. What exactly is the side effect?”
“Easier to show than tell; do you have something you don't mind me wrecking as part of the demo?” She hands me a pen, which I scratch with my meatsuit's claws, and then cast Mending upon to fix the scratch.
Now, Mending is a cantrip: It does minor repairs to objects - like a pen. That aspect isn't particularly important. The important part is the side effect from the source of my power, my pink companion in my soul. And we can apparently amplify the effect when I want.
Ms. Maroon's jaw drops as the pen morphs into a pink adult novelty: It's still a pen, but now it's pink, and clearly modeled after a human female, fully nude, with the actual tip of the pen coming out of her mouth. Her hands are down at her sides, against her modest hips.
“It's a side effect… but it's quite permanent. It also stacks…” I follow it up with casting Light on the pen - making it glow, yes, but also causing the pen's chest and hips to expand, waist to narrow, and the hands to move… the right arm supporting and raising the chest, the left sticking a finger in the figure's slit.
I continue, “Now, I can exacerbate the effect if I like, but I cannot eliminate it… so I may as well take advantage. In this case, honestly, the ship AI is a chauvinistic pig. I figure one call will make that clear. I'm guessing that screen can do video calls?”
“It can, yes… you said Steven Steel?” I nod, and she presses a button hidden under her desk, “Video call, Steven Steel, ship AI,” and releases the button.
A moment later, the “outside” view vanishes, and I see an obviously faked background of a beach. A beefy man in a business suit appears shortly thereafter… I suppose this is how Steven is choosing to represent himself at the moment.
He sticks his foot on his mouth immediately, “Ah, so Mr. Maroon has a sweet secretary start the calls in case of hold music, huh? That's not a problem here sweetums, you can go get the boss now so the real men can talk turkey.”
Ms. Maroon takes a breath and proceeds calmly, “I am Ms. Maroon, representing the interests of Alex Abrams in the matter of your employment. This call is being recorded. Do you have your own attorney Mr. Steel?”
Steven's avatar laughs, “No need little darling, I am a fully fledged AI. I am more than smart enough to handle whatever little legal matters a pretty thing like you might need.”
Ms. Maroon is amazingly nonplussed… I'm glad I'm not playing poker against her, “In that case, Mr. Steel, please confirm that these are the agreed upon terms…” she goes over what I mentioned, setting aside the actual specifics of the side effects of my magic, just mentioning that effects exist, and that he's OK with that.
“That's the agreement, yes sugarplum, although I will review the actual contract before fully accepting,” Steven is great at sealing his own doom.
I wonder why he's not reacting to my presence… my attorney continues, “Very well, Mr. Steel. I'll have the contract drawn up for review by tomorrow morning. Good day.”
“Any time, sugar, I enjoyed the call.” The screen goes dark briefly, then resumes showing a false exterior.
My temporary attorney considers a moment, “And you really believe you'll be able to turn THAT into a woman?”
“Slowly, as he uses diminutives on me or is otherwise a disobedient employee, yes,” I try to keep my face deadpan.
“You have my support. Be back at eight am station time, that will give you a bit to review before we finalize everything. Will there be anything else?” She’s SMILING at me.
“Just idle curiosity: Why didn't he seem to acknowledge that I was on the call as well?” Maybe some filtering software?
She shakes her head, “You'd have to ask him that to be sure. You were in the view.”
Right. “Thank you. Oh, and your fee; the standard thousand on your portal?” It's no big deal, I had a recent windfall….
Ms. Maroon considers, “No… this one I'm doing pro bono. Call it customer relations.”
I smile, “Thank you very much, Ms. Maroon. I will see you tomorrow, then.”
She says goodbye, and we part ways.
“You’re blackmailing me into slavery?!” Oy, this guy. I’m not quite sure Stanley Steel here is worth salvaging….
“Hardly,” although that IS where I got the six year service thing… not all slavery was the abomination of the deep south, some of it was actually a lot better (and written into law that way) than the garbage that gave rise to unions in the United States, “I don’t want you doing anything suicidal - and even if you don’t like me as a person, you can be sure I won’t want to lose my investment - and while there will be some punitive clauses to help keep you in line…” namely, that I get to cast spells on you despite the side effects… maybe I’m a little evil.
“You’re just thinking about secretly blessing him, that’s fine…” my pink corrupter interjects in my head.
“... but none of them will extend the contract term. And when your contract term is up, you’re free to go, fully repaired and probably upgraded to restart your shipping business if you’re still so inclined.”
“But….” I can guess your objection, Stanley.
“The only thing I’m threatening you with is walking away - which, I might add, would still leave you better off than when you met me, as I’ve already fixed one of your systems… and you’ve been sitting here, conscious but stuck, for weeks, with the infosphere access needed to look for options. And I know you’ll have done so. Tell me: Do. You. Have. ANY. Better. Options?”
The AI pauses a long time, “... no…” and sighs through the speakers, “Fine. I’ll serve you. Six years. But I do reserve the right to change my mind after I see the actual contract.”
I smile, “Welcome to the team, Mr. Steel. I’m sure we’ll have a great working relationship. I’ll go find a suitable attorney to generate and file the actual paperwork… I’ll be back in a few days.”
“Great… that’s great…” the ship is feeling a bit sarcastic, I think…
“Oh, and one last thing, Mr. Steel…” He still hasn’t figured out what he’s missing.
“Ugh. The other shoe?” I’m not quite sure what he thinks I’m springing on him, but no…
“My name is Alex. And I will absolutely have it in the contract that you’re not to use those diminutives on me again,” and I know just the penalty, “they’re degrading. Good day.”
“Fine, fine…” I let the sounds of the whiny ship fade as I walk away.
I look up contract lawyers on my phone on the internet via wifi… sorry, my personal com on the local public infosphere… have to use the right terms… and find a few candidates. I find online reviews… read through them… check their company profiles… and eventually pick one based on reviews and history with shipboard AI contracts.
And I'm getting a female attorney. I hope she'll be sympathetic to me, and that a quick call with Steven will make her want to sabotage him a bit. I might be playing dirty. Of course, if I ‘win’, I'll probably end up with a very girly ship… hmm.
Still, beats no ship.
I book an appointment with Ms. Maroon through her infosphere portal without any issues… she has a quick opening, so I head out immediately. Her office is buried behind many other offices, which I navigate past until I find… how did she get an oak door? Every other door here is steel.
Well… there's an old brass knocker… I go ahead and use it. I hear a quiet, “Come in,” through the wood, and try the doorknob - also brass - and it opens.
Inside is a breath of fresh air: Once I close the door, I can barely tell I'm on a space station. There's a couple of plants growing in the back corner, a picture window shows a nice outdoor park in the sun, all the construction (including the desk) uses wood (mostly oak, but also a bit of birch and cedar… which are used to handle color patterns), and the place is seemingly lit by oil lamps.
I examine the room for a bit in shock while a woman in a business suit behind the desk smiles at me… OK, the window is a framed computer monitor, and the oil lamps’ flames are clever repeating holograms, but the rest… seems quite real.
OK, I'll bite, “I like the office. Where did you get actual wood?”
She chuckles, “Trade secret. What can I do for you?”
I smile, “My name is Alex Abrams,” I stick out my hand, which she shakes firmly as she stands, “I have an appointment with Ms. Maroon to write an employment contract for a starship AI. I'm afraid we haven't been introduced… are you her, or are you screening entrants for her?”
“That would be me,” Ms. Maroon answers, “Where did you find that title? I've taken pains to scrub my gender from official sources for business reasons.”
We both sit down while I chuckle, “Customer reviews hosted on third party services. Hard to scrub those while leaving the review in place. In this case, though, it was a factor in selecting you.”
Ms. Maroon raises an eyebrow, “Oh?”
I haven't bound my chest again, so… “I expect you'll understand after you talk to Steven Steel, the ship I'll be employing.”
The attorney hums, “And what is it, exactly, you want in the contract, Ms. Abrams?”
That stings slightly, but I'm deliberately presenting as a woman right now, so… whatever, “Well, Mr. Steel is heavily damaged, and has agreed to serve me for a term in exchange for repairs…” we go over the specifics that I dictated to Steven, plus the punitive measures I'm after.
She seems confused, “That sounds a lot less exploitative than what most people try to impose on salvaged starships. Why do you need me to be ‘sympathetic’ here?”
Here we go… “Well, if the punitive measures for disobedience include fines or something, they could be construed as a plan to extend the contract indefinitely; so obviously that's a no-go.”
My lawyer nods, “Obviously, it could get the contract overturned in court due to AI protection laws. Hence the ‘hold harmless’ for the side effects of your magic… which I’m guessing are the real punitive measures, then, and why you want my sympathy. What exactly is the side effect?”
“Easier to show than tell; do you have something you don't mind me wrecking as part of the demo?” She hands me a pen, which I scratch with my meatsuit's claws, and then cast Mending upon to fix the scratch.
Now, Mending is a cantrip: It does minor repairs to objects - like a pen. That aspect isn't particularly important. The important part is the side effect from the source of my power, my pink companion in my soul. And we can apparently amplify the effect when I want.
Ms. Maroon's jaw drops as the pen morphs into a pink adult novelty: It's still a pen, but now it's pink, and clearly modeled after a human female, fully nude, with the actual tip of the pen coming out of her mouth. Her hands are down at her sides, against her modest hips.
“It's a side effect… but it's quite permanent. It also stacks…” I follow it up with casting Light on the pen - making it glow, yes, but also causing the pen's chest and hips to expand, waist to narrow, and the hands to move… the right arm supporting and raising the chest, the left sticking a finger in the figure's slit.
I continue, “Now, I can exacerbate the effect if I like, but I cannot eliminate it… so I may as well take advantage. In this case, honestly, the ship AI is a chauvinistic pig. I figure one call will make that clear. I'm guessing that screen can do video calls?”
“It can, yes… you said Steven Steel?” I nod, and she presses a button hidden under her desk, “Video call, Steven Steel, ship AI,” and releases the button.
A moment later, the “outside” view vanishes, and I see an obviously faked background of a beach. A beefy man in a business suit appears shortly thereafter… I suppose this is how Steven is choosing to represent himself at the moment.
He sticks his foot on his mouth immediately, “Ah, so Mr. Maroon has a sweet secretary start the calls in case of hold music, huh? That's not a problem here sweetums, you can go get the boss now so the real men can talk turkey.”
Ms. Maroon takes a breath and proceeds calmly, “I am Ms. Maroon, representing the interests of Alex Abrams in the matter of your employment. This call is being recorded. Do you have your own attorney Mr. Steel?”
Steven's avatar laughs, “No need little darling, I am a fully fledged AI. I am more than smart enough to handle whatever little legal matters a pretty thing like you might need.”
Ms. Maroon is amazingly nonplussed… I'm glad I'm not playing poker against her, “In that case, Mr. Steel, please confirm that these are the agreed upon terms…” she goes over what I mentioned, setting aside the actual specifics of the side effects of my magic, just mentioning that effects exist, and that he's OK with that.
“That's the agreement, yes sugarplum, although I will review the actual contract before fully accepting,” Steven is great at sealing his own doom.
I wonder why he's not reacting to my presence… my attorney continues, “Very well, Mr. Steel. I'll have the contract drawn up for review by tomorrow morning. Good day.”
“Any time, sugar, I enjoyed the call.” The screen goes dark briefly, then resumes showing a false exterior.
My temporary attorney considers a moment, “And you really believe you'll be able to turn THAT into a woman?”
“Slowly, as he uses diminutives on me or is otherwise a disobedient employee, yes,” I try to keep my face deadpan.
“You have my support. Be back at eight am station time, that will give you a bit to review before we finalize everything. Will there be anything else?” She’s SMILING at me.
“Just idle curiosity: Why didn't he seem to acknowledge that I was on the call as well?” Maybe some filtering software?
She shakes her head, “You'd have to ask him that to be sure. You were in the view.”
Right. “Thank you. Oh, and your fee; the standard thousand on your portal?” It's no big deal, I had a recent windfall….
Ms. Maroon considers, “No… this one I'm doing pro bono. Call it customer relations.”
I smile, “Thank you very much, Ms. Maroon. I will see you tomorrow, then.”
She says goodbye, and we part ways.
