Well, damn... I thought to myself as Mei Wu cried herself to sleep on my shoulders while I kept hugging her.
Only now, after nearly twenty minutes did her sobs stop and she became too emotionally exhausted and just fell asleep and her grasp on my body lessened.
"... Let it all out, huh." I thought, whispering to myself as I gently moved her body and put her down on the floor.
I looked at her sleeping body, face teary yet her heart beating normally and her breath moderate. She was, to my senses, outwardly fine aside from the aforementioned tears on her face, which I carefully wiped.
Though I was absolutely certain that she very much is not, mentally. But that's a problem to deal with later when she wakes up.
I frowned at that, my previous tender expression vanishing even as I returned to finishing up the work quota we were supposed to reach today, and I found myself thinking.
Mei Wu said that the reason of her breakdown was the result of her sense of self forming along with her inner world which made her face facts she did not want to think of if she desired to advance.
And I caused that. That part... I felt a bit of guilt in my heart about that. It wasn't a feeling I felt since I was reborn in this world until now, and that honestly irritated me a bit.
Even though I knew I shouldn't feel that way, since Mei Wu herself made it clear that that would have happened anyways if she kept finding her path, I still couldn't stop the guilt I felt about me being what caused that breakdown.
Because well, I cared about her. I really can't deny that, can I? Matter of fact is; despite the way I liked teasing her and even doing things that almost crossed the indecent territory, I genuinely didn't want to do something that actually crosses the line especially with her own experiences.
I nearly tore open the last of the few nectar containers that I was holding with my vines as a feeling of anger welled within me, but I caught myself.
"Okay... I am definitely more pissed at the Xie clan more than I expected I would."
I honestly didn't think I could be that angry at a clan I only met a few people belonging to it.
Xie Li, that was a mere trash. Xie Yu too. The other members? I couldn't care less about, unless they would have targeted me and Mei Wu. That was how I was thinking about them before, and even now, I still think the same of them, but...
They hurt Mei Wu...
It was honestly a bit terrifying, now that I realized that I cared about Mei Wu more than I thought. I was basically thinking of her as a friend, and most likely more than a casual one as well, didn't I? Both from my perspective and hers.
From this world's perspective, I was basically a family to her, in all but blood since I allowed her to survive when she was supposed to kill me, healed her, and even trained her or helped her train, if I wanted to be more accurate. I was basically the equivalent to the heaven's gift to her after all that suffering she dealt with, and I didn't even really ask for anything from her!
From my perspective, what I did was giving basic decency to a woman that I could have just killed or enslaved on a whim, and I took care of her, even if some of my choices were not been to her liking at that time. But...
Even so, I clearly was attached to her as the first reasonable sapient being that actually interacted with me, and one that could easily understand me! Even if the reason she was reasonable and amicable was due to me eclipsing her in power. I am not so stupid to think that she might have not tried to kill or escape from me if she had the power at that time.
"But I was treating you as a friend, even from my perspective, wasn't I?" I asked her prone form, my lips turning into a thin line. "It seems that even back then, the Worker Bees weren't a real substitue to being actually able to talk with and interact with a being that can understand me and speak to me in words."
Then again, like humans, Alraunes are still social entities themselves, even if their perspective of it would be terrifying to humans and almost all the other poor humanoid fellows who were unfortunate enough to get caught by the alraunes and were too weak to escape their grasp. In a way, most alraunes would prefer the company of other alraunes and a very few peculiar races or beasts. Anything else? Either food or a slave if they did not give any other benefit.
To them, the prospect of genuine friendship or anything like it would only occur if the alraunes in question actively wanted it and had enough emotional intelligence and sapience to act on it instead of just following raw instincts of either hunger or lust. I was terribly lucky with my reincarnation in that regard since I was reborn with all my sapience intact, even if my primal instincts were no longer exactly the same.
My instincts seemed to flare at that mere idea, confirming my thoughts.
'Though I highly doubt I would try that peculiar version of socializing any time soon, if ever. Not unless I went mad with power and lust. Or I found someone that infuriated me that far.' I told myself, telling my instincts to calm down as I finally put the nectar containers in their place.
I looked once more towards Mei Wu, and sighed as I saw her still asleep, almost looking like nothing terrible had happened just half an hour ago.
I wondered for a moment if she was in her inner world, trying to understand and deal with what she had realized today. I certainly was going to think about it tonight as well.
Shaking my head, I carefully picked her up to move her into our living area, telling the curious Worker Bees that she was just a bit too tired than I expected, which was the truth in a way, until I reached it and just as gently, I put her on her spot where she usually slept, and soon I too closed my eyes.
Let's hope tomorrow would be a totally less emotionally exhaustive one.
Well... This day was going alright, but not exactly.
"Okay, we're done." I sighed, abruptly halting our training session. My vines stopped their charge, and Mei Wu almost found herself tripping from the sudden whiplash both from my words and the rather irritated and disappointed mood I was having, something she clearly noticed with her senses.
"Wh-what?" she looked at me incredulously, not really lowering her guard since even if she can sense my emotions and Qi, I could just change my thoughts on a whim and attack her right then and there while she was defenseless.
I did not.
"Wait... oh, you're serious. But why?" she was clearly surprised. But that question? She must have known the answer already.
I crossed my arms at that, frowning. "Let us be honest, shall we? Both of us were not fighting with the best of our skills right now. We aren't clearly in the mood for it."
And that was the truth. Mei Wu was fighting well, sure. She was even slightly better than before, for certain, even if she was still not close to Xie Li's level of power, but she was getting there, but... she was still not fighting with the same enthusiasm and mental energy she did before. I didn't need to be ah emotional sensor to know that she wasn't really focusing on the fight 100%.
I too, was the same. True, I still eclipsed her in power even if my rank and level didn't increase -I might need to kill something actually strong compared to me to increase them at this point- and I was still not taking it as seriously as I could, but I was... not focusing fully on it either.
"No, we really aren't..." she sighed as well and dropped onto the ground as the gentle breeze, the flora and sunlight surrounded us as we didn't move while the sun shone brightly in the sky.
"So... emotional problems. More precisely, how we think of each other. That's the problem right now, isn't it?" I simply stated.
Because, really, yes, that was it. We were used to our usual dynamic, even if we didn't really think much of it. At least, I did not, really. To me, she was always a person I can talk to, and a day later after I met her, a comrade in our work under our relatively saint-like super strong boss the Queen Bee.
She on the other hand had her opinion about me change from a beast who would kill her, to one who is human-like and won't kill her, to one that would practically throw her to a den of literal monsters and not really care about how her previous experiences were like and how I was practically stepping on all her previous conceptions on how she should be treated nicely, even if my teasing got on her nerves and I still was an inconsistent beast to her even now.
"Yeah, I can't argue about that at all even if I wanted to." she admitted as we were silent for a moment.
"Ah, damn it." she suddenly spoke, eyes looking directly at mine as she abandoned all forms of beating around the bush and decided to be blunt as a hammer. "I want to be your friend and I want you to be mine. There. I said it!"
She said it in a way that made it hard to understand the expression her face was making as it looked like something between a scowl and worry.
"Okay... That is definitely one way to admit one's problems." I admitted as I was a bit surprised by her blunt answer. Then again, I guess this was long overdue for her.
"No use trying to go in circles about it. You also would want this to be dealt with quickly too, don't you?" she crossed her arms, and I couldn't help feeling sheepish about it.
"You are right. So... let's talk about it." I began, arms crossed too as I pondered about it. "I guess I should start then..."
I pursed my lips, anxiety and awkwardness making themselves known to me.
This... this is practically my first time in this life actually thinking of one as a friend I care about instead of a mere acquaintance or close to that. I did have friends in my previous one but I really doubted that I cared this much like I am feeling towards Mei Wu. And no, Worker Bees don't really count as ones, mostly because I won't feel as upset about their probable deaths like I felt I would be if this woman in front of me was the one on the grasp of death.
"Mei Wu, I'd like to be your friend." the words that came of my mouth were honestly more like that of a love confession than a request of a friendship, and the fact that I felt heat creeping on my face was not helping.
"Me too, Ai'er." oh, great, even she is also blushing. Cute~!
Also, wait a minute.
"Ai'er?" I asked, a bit of curiosity seeping into me and helping me ignore this awkwardness.
"I know you don't care about formalities." she stated bluntly, "so, Ai it is. And since you're basically my first friend in..." her eyes looked unfocused for a moment before she refocused. "in a long time... but you might as well be the first friend in my whole life at this point... you deserve that suffix."
Aww~! Great, now I'm all fuzzy and happy and all that. I felt my heart throb pelasantly as a positive and sweet feeling entered my body.
"O-oh... Thanks!..." I found myself replying rather awkwardly. Well, great to see I have problems when it comes to friendship... mostly because I did not think of it at all in any important manner since my reincarnation into this world.
I feel that the goddess that reincarnated me might be laughing at my expenses. But that aside... How to make myself look better than I am and pull one over her to ignore this embarrassment!?
Ignoring the fact that she can literally read my emotions, I ignored Mei Wu even as she looked at me with raised eyebrows, clearly preparing for my comeback.
I snapped my fingers, realizing what to say.
"Oh, affectionately calling each other right away now? Well, in that case, what do you like?" my mouth gave a teasing smirk towards her.
"Wu-chan, or Wu-kohai?" Personally, I prefer Wu-chan. It just fits and is too cute not to use it!
Wu-chan just looked beyond confused at that.
"Uh... what do chan or kohai mean? Hey, why are you grinning even more?"
Oh... this will be so much fun.
Well, damn... I thought to myself as Mei Wu cried herself to sleep on my shoulders while I kept hugging her.
Only now, after nearly twenty minutes did her sobs stop and she became too emotionally exhausted and just fell asleep and her grasp on my body lessened.
"... Let it all out, huh." I thought, whispering to myself as I gently moved her body and put her down on the floor.
I looked at her sleeping body, face teary yet her heart beating normally and her breath moderate. She was, to my senses, outwardly fine aside from the aforementioned tears on her face, which I carefully wiped.
Though I was absolutely certain that she very much is not, mentally. But that's a problem to deal with later when she wakes up.
I frowned at that, my previous tender expression vanishing even as I returned to finishing up the work quota we were supposed to reach today, and I found myself thinking.
Mei Wu said that the reason of her breakdown was the result of her sense of self forming along with her inner world which made her face facts she did not want to think of if she desired to advance.
And I caused that. That part... I felt a bit of guilt in my heart about that. It wasn't a feeling I felt since I was reborn in this world until now, and that honestly irritated me a bit.
Even though I knew I shouldn't feel that way, since Mei Wu herself made it clear that that would have happened anyways if she kept finding her path, I still couldn't stop the guilt I felt about me being what caused that breakdown.
Because well, I cared about her. I really can't deny that, can I? Matter of fact is; despite the way I liked teasing her and even doing things that almost crossed the indecent territory, I genuinely didn't want to do something that actually crosses the line especially with her own experiences.
I nearly tore open the last of the few nectar containers that I was holding with my vines as a feeling of anger welled within me, but I caught myself.
"Okay... I am definitely more pissed at the Xie clan more than I expected I would."
I honestly didn't think I could be that angry at a clan I only met a few people belonging to it.
Xie Li, that was a mere trash. Xie Yu too. The other members? I couldn't care less about, unless they would have targeted me and Mei Wu. That was how I was thinking about them before, and even now, I still think the same of them, but...
They hurt Mei Wu...
It was honestly a bit terrifying, now that I realized that I cared about Mei Wu more than I thought. I was basically thinking of her as a friend, and most likely more than a casual one as well, didn't I? Both from my perspective and hers.
From this world's perspective, I was basically a family to her, in all but blood since I allowed her to survive when she was supposed to kill me, healed her, and even trained her or helped her train, if I wanted to be more accurate. I was basically the equivalent to the heaven's gift to her after all that suffering she dealt with, and I didn't even really ask for anything from her!
From my perspective, what I did was giving basic decency to a woman that I could have just killed or enslaved on a whim, and I took care of her, even if some of my choices were not been to her liking at that time. But...
Even so, I clearly was attached to her as the first reasonable sapient being that actually interacted with me, and one that could easily understand me! Even if the reason she was reasonable and amicable was due to me eclipsing her in power. I am not so stupid to think that she might have not tried to kill or escape from me if she had the power at that time.
"But I was treating you as a friend, even from my perspective, wasn't I?" I asked her prone form, my lips turning into a thin line. "It seems that even back then, the Worker Bees weren't a real substitue to being actually able to talk with and interact with a being that can understand me and speak to me in words."
Then again, like humans, Alraunes are still social entities themselves, even if their perspective of it would be terrifying to humans and almost all the other poor humanoid fellows who were unfortunate enough to get caught by the alraunes and were too weak to escape their grasp. In a way, most alraunes would prefer the company of other alraunes and a very few peculiar races or beasts. Anything else? Either food or a slave if they did not give any other benefit.
To them, the prospect of genuine friendship or anything like it would only occur if the alraunes in question actively wanted it and had enough emotional intelligence and sapience to act on it instead of just following raw instincts of either hunger or lust. I was terribly lucky with my reincarnation in that regard since I was reborn with all my sapience intact, even if my primal instincts were no longer exactly the same.
My instincts seemed to flare at that mere idea, confirming my thoughts.
'Though I highly doubt I would try that peculiar version of socializing any time soon, if ever. Not unless I went mad with power and lust. Or I found someone that infuriated me that far.' I told myself, telling my instincts to calm down as I finally put the nectar containers in their place.
I looked once more towards Mei Wu, and sighed as I saw her still asleep, almost looking like nothing terrible had happened just half an hour ago.
I wondered for a moment if she was in her inner world, trying to understand and deal with what she had realized today. I certainly was going to think about it tonight as well.
Shaking my head, I carefully picked her up to move her into our living area, telling the curious Worker Bees that she was just a bit too tired than I expected, which was the truth in a way, until I reached it and just as gently, I put her on her spot where she usually slept, and soon I too closed my eyes.
Let's hope tomorrow would be a totally less emotionally exhaustive one.
Well... This day was going alright, but not exactly.
"Okay, we're done." I sighed, abruptly halting our training session. My vines stopped their charge, and Mei Wu almost found herself tripping from the sudden whiplash both from my words and the rather irritated and disappointed mood I was having, something she clearly noticed with her senses.
"Wh-what?" she looked at me incredulously, not really lowering her guard since even if she can sense my emotions and Qi, I could just change my thoughts on a whim and attack her right then and there while she was defenseless.
I did not.
"Wait... oh, you're serious. But why?" she was clearly surprised. But that question? She must have known the answer already.
I crossed my arms at that, frowning. "Let us be honest, shall we? Both of us were not fighting with the best of our skills right now. We aren't clearly in the mood for it."
And that was the truth. Mei Wu was fighting well, sure. She was even slightly better than before, for certain, even if she was still not close to Xie Li's level of power, but she was getting there, but... she was still not fighting with the same enthusiasm and mental energy she did before. I didn't need to be ah emotional sensor to know that she wasn't really focusing on the fight 100%.
I too, was the same. True, I still eclipsed her in power even if my rank and level didn't increase -I might need to kill something actually strong compared to me to increase them at this point- and I was still not taking it as seriously as I could, but I was... not focusing fully on it either.
"No, we really aren't..." she sighed as well and dropped onto the ground as the gentle breeze, the flora and sunlight surrounded us as we didn't move while the sun shone brightly in the sky.
"So... emotional problems. More precisely, how we think of each other. That's the problem right now, isn't it?" I simply stated.
Because, really, yes, that was it. We were used to our usual dynamic, even if we didn't really think much of it. At least, I did not, really. To me, she was always a person I can talk to, and a day later after I met her, a comrade in our work under our relatively saint-like super strong boss the Queen Bee.
She on the other hand had her opinion about me change from a beast who would kill her, to one who is human-like and won't kill her, to one that would practically throw her to a den of literal monsters and not really care about how her previous experiences were like and how I was practically stepping on all her previous conceptions on how she should be treated nicely, even if my teasing got on her nerves and I still was an inconsistent beast to her even now.
"Yeah, I can't argue about that at all even if I wanted to." she admitted as we were silent for a moment.
"Ah, damn it." she suddenly spoke, eyes looking directly at mine as she abandoned all forms of beating around the bush and decided to be blunt as a hammer. "I want to be your friend and I want you to be mine. There. I said it!"
She said it in a way that made it hard to understand the expression her face was making as it looked like something between a scowl and worry.
"Okay... That is definitely one way to admit one's problems." I admitted as I was a bit surprised by her blunt answer. Then again, I guess this was long overdue for her.
"No use trying to go in circles about it. You also would want this to be dealt with quickly too, don't you?" she crossed her arms, and I couldn't help feeling sheepish about it.
"You are right. So... let's talk about it." I began, arms crossed too as I pondered about it. "I guess I should start then..."
I pursed my lips, anxiety and awkwardness making themselves known to me.
This... this is practically my first time in this life actually thinking of one as a friend I care about instead of a mere acquaintance or close to that. I did have friends in my previous one but I really doubted that I cared this much like I am feeling towards Mei Wu. And no, Worker Bees don't really count as ones, mostly because I won't feel as upset about their probable deaths like I felt I would be if this woman in front of me was the one on the grasp of death.
"Mei Wu, I'd like to be your friend." the words that came of my mouth were honestly more like that of a love confession than a request of a friendship, and the fact that I felt heat creeping on my face was not helping.
"Me too, Ai'er." oh, great, even she is also blushing. Cute~!
Also, wait a minute.
"Ai'er?" I asked, a bit of curiosity seeping into me and helping me ignore this awkwardness.
"I know you don't care about formalities." she stated bluntly, "so, Ai it is. And since you're basically my first friend in..." her eyes looked unfocused for a moment before she refocused. "in a long time... but you might as well be the first friend in my whole life at this point... you deserve that suffix."
Aww~! Great, now I'm all fuzzy and happy and all that. I felt my heart throb pelasantly as a positive and sweet feeling entered my body.
"O-oh... Thanks!..." I found myself replying rather awkwardly. Well, great to see I have problems when it comes to friendship... mostly because I did not think of it at all in any important manner since my reincarnation into this world.
I feel that the goddess that reincarnated me might be laughing at my expenses. But that aside... How to make myself look better than I am and pull one over her to ignore this embarrassment!?
Ignoring the fact that she can literally read my emotions, I ignored Mei Wu even as she looked at me with raised eyebrows, clearly preparing for my comeback.
I snapped my fingers, realizing what to say.
"Oh, affectionately calling each other right away now? Well, in that case, what do you like?" my mouth gave a teasing smirk towards her.
"Wu-chan, or Wu-kohai?" Personally, I prefer Wu-chan. It just fits and is too cute not to use it!
Wu-chan just looked beyond confused at that.
"Uh... what do chan or kohai mean? Hey, why are you grinning even more?"
Oh... this will be so much fun.
