Chapter 358. Forming a Strategic Alliance. (10/10)
When Lea’s body relaxed in my arms, only then did I finally open my mouth and ask, “You done crying?”
“Mmm.” She nodded with her face against my chest avoiding raising her head up to look at me.
“Then, that will be $1 now.”
“You’re… a jerk.” She still didn’t look at me, but she stuck her hand into her pocket and stuffed a dollar into my hand.
“Thank you for your business.”
“I love you.”
“Ahhh! What the hell are you saying that for? It hurts like hell!” A third bloody heart had appeared on the back of my left hand. This one was on the left with the point touching the other two. One more and it’d be a circle of hearts.
“That’s what you get for charging me for a hug.”
“Hey, you better not be telling me you actually fell for me.”
“Fell for you? Absolutely not. I only said, ‘I love you,’-
“Ahhh! Bitch, you did this one on purpose as well, didn’t you?”
“Ehem… so you’d suffer a tiny fraction of the pain I was feeling when crying.” She completed her sentence awkwardly after clearing her throat before she clarified, “That time… it was an accident.”
“Bullshit, I don’t buy it.”
“Okay, the asymmetry was bugging me a bit. Don’t you think it’s better to make it symmetric?”
“Don’t you dare say that phrase again.”
“I love y-? Oww ow ow ow! It hurtsh let gwo! I wash kidding, jush kidding!”
I pinched her hard on the cheek to stop her from finishing.
“Of all things you could have picked, why the hell did you pick those three words for the phrase?”
“Well… I figured it wasn’t a line I’d say by accident. Plus… I doubted you’d expect that would be the phrase. I was trying to expose you as a fake… but it really did prove what you were saying about being a devil.”
“Yes, and since I’ve proved it, you should be able to trust me now, right? If I betray you, I will die.”
“You… really willingly became the hostage?”
“Yes, so there shouldn’t be any problems with you going through with my plan, right?”
“Uh… yeah. I’ll… cooperate.”
“Alright, now, what was the condition you set in the contract?”
“Huh? Uh… you don’t know despite being a devil?”
“No, I don’t. You wrote it.”
“Don’t you have some sort of ability to magically know though?”
“Unless I’ve got a spare eye detached from my body flying around, there’s no way I’d know it.”
“You don’t have a third eye? But you’re a devil though, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you have some sort of cool ability?”
“Cool ability? None. There is literally none. What you’ve seen is what you get.”
“What the heck? But you’re a devil. A super evil being that should be able to shoot lasers out of your eyes and spit out fireballs from your mouth.”
“You’ve been fed too much devil propaganda. Devils aren’t anything that great.” At least… I think so. I’d rather not run into a devil that could really shoot lasers from their eyes or spit out fireballs from their mouths.
“What, then the part about me no longer aging was a lie after all?”
“No… that part, I believe is real.”
“You believe? What do you mean?”
“Well I have no concrete evidence as I’ve only been alive for sixteen years myself, but, whenever I offer that in the contract in exchange for a soul, every time I’ve had a sour taste at the back of my mouth. Whenever I don’t offer that, the taste is sweet.”
“Couldn’t that just be the difference between you making a deal you’re able to fulfill with a deal you can not?”
“Hmm… I’ve never considered that. However, this time around it was a very sour taste. My interpretation of it is whether it’s a good deal for me or a bad one. The more sour the taste, the worse of a deal it is for me.”
“Huh? Seriously?”
“Yeah. Which is why, can you tell me what your condition was?”
“Uh… it’s nothing impossible for you to fulfill… so your interpretation is probably correct. But, for now, you can forget about it. It’s really not important. I initially wrote it down as a joke and wasn’t taking it seriously.”
“Huh? You spent… half an hour thinking of a joke condition?”
“Yeah… I didn’t really believe you at all in the beginning. So I was spending that time thinking of how to mess with you. So… you can forget about the condition.”
“It’s a bad deal for me though. What is this condition?”
“I’ll show you another time. We should get back to your girlfriend. We’ve kept her waiting for such a long time now.”
She hopped up to her feet, ran around to the other side of the desk, then pulled out a folded-up piece of paper from her drawer and stuffed it in her pocket before she fled to the door before I even had a chance to stand up.
Just what the hell sort of condition did this girl set that she’s so adamant about not showing me? It couldn’t be… something like that, right? I shook my head to refute it. There was no chance in hell. I refuse to believe it.
But… this girl had been pretty desperate. Wait… maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and misunderstanding. It could be she wants me to help her with that problem of hers.
Yeah… let’s go with that.
If it was my first thought, a shiver ran down my back. I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. I mean, as she said, it wasn’t something impossible for me to fulfill, but I absolutely didn’t want to.
It really might be better to remain ignorant and left in the dark about the condition she wrote in. If she didn’t want me to fulfill it, that was her choice. If she ever did though… I was screwed and I’d have no choice but to fulfill it as I was contractually obligated to in exchange for her soul.
Well, so long as she doesn’t bring it up, what do I care?
I got off the chair, picked it up, then tucked it under the desk and followed after Lea who’d ditched me.
When I went down the stairs I heard Yuna ask, “Did something happen? I heard a few pained screams from up there.”
“Huh? Uh, well, he tried putting the moves on me a few times while we were negotiating so I gave him a few kicks.”
“Don’t listen to her, she’s making shit up to drag my name through the dirt.”
“Womanizer.” The look in her eyes as she said that made it clear she didn’t believe me at all.
“Oh~ how darin of ya. Makin a pass on our Lea when yuh have a girlfriend already.” Shia who was also here interjected with that sort of playful remark.
There was also another familiar face here, the baldy. The three of them were seated around a small table with cards in their hand. It looked like they’d been bonding by playing card games this entire time.
“Yeah, he really is too much of a womanizer, Yuna. What do you even see in a guy like him?”
“I’ve been seriously questioning that myself over the last two hours while waiting for the two of you to finish up. Just how did I get conned into being this guy’s girlfriend, I really wonder. I must have been drunk.”
Yuna had swapped back into the clothes I’d borrowed from the prostitute back at the motel. She’d also cleaned off the grease Shia smeared on her face and limbs earlier. It seems she’d located her handbag which I’d hidden at the bottom of the garbage bin as well.
“Don’t try that, you weren’t drunk.”
“Did you drug me then?”
“Of course not.”
“Then I truly can’t comprehend.” She shook her head with a visible lack of understanding on her face.
“Now, now. Calm down, I was just kidding, Yuna. He wasn’t really trying anything. I just kicked him on a few occasions for making some rude remarks.”
“Punk, yuh were rude te Lea? Yuh gotta death wish or sometin?”
“No, I’d like to live for the time being. If I do ever have a death wish I’ll give you a call though.”
“Think yer funny, punk?”
“Not at all. I’m the unfunniest man I know. Well, I’m a loner who’s got no friends, so it’s only natural I guess.”
“Yuh… got no friends?”
“Yeah, what of it?”
“That’s…”
“What?”
“That’s... so sad! I’m sorry pal, I didn’t know! I’ll be yer friend if that’s how it is!”
“Huh? Uh… no, I’m fine.” What the hell? Why am I being looked at by this bastard like I’m pitiful?
“It’s okay pal, from now on we’re buds. Yuh can come te me if anyone picks a fight wid ya.”
“I’m really fine, I swear. I’m a loner by choice. I don’t make friends because I don’t want to.”
“That’s…”
“What now?”
“That’s... even more pitiful than I imagined, pal! I know how it is bein unable to make friends. Don’t worry, I’ll be your pal from now on!”
My stomach started to turn as my expression froze up.
“What? You’re so moved yuh don’t know what te say? It’s all good pal, I’m here for ya if yuh wanna break down in tears and need a shoulder te cry on.” He opened his arms welcomingly.
My entire body trembled as waves of cringe rolled across my skin.
I couldn’t stand straight. I leaned on the wall to support my weight. I’d never cringed this much in my life before. Why does he not understand? Is communication impossible? Is he too stupid to understand English? Should I try another language? Damn it, I don’t know any other languages.
“Yuh okay, pal?”
“I’m fine. Let me try to find words that you will understand.”
I pulled out my phone and translated a response into Spanish.
“No necesito amigos, idiota!
“Huh? What’s dat supposed te mean, pal?”
Yuna quickly chimed in, seeming amused by this whole situation, “It means he looks forward to being friends, despite how much of a social idiot he is.”
“No it doesn’t! Don’t lie to him! It means ‘I don't need friends, you moron!’”
“What? It really means that?” He ignored me as he turned to Yuna and sought clarification.
“Yeah, it means exactly what I said. He’s just too embarrassed to honestly admit it.” She reassured him.
“You- you moron! Don’t believe her! What languages do you know?”
“English.”
“Then why don’t you understand my words, you damn baldy! I don’t want friends. It’s that simple.”
“Haaaah. I know how it is. I was like dat too, pal. Always sayin terrible things and pushin people away despite secretly wantin a friend deep down. Ma name's Baldwin, to think yuh’d already know the nickname everyone calls me around here. We must be destined te be bosom buddies.”
I facepalmed and slid down the wall exhausted. Idiots who you couldn’t communicate with through words were no doubt the bane of my existence.
Meanwhile, Yuna, enjoying the show, had her mouth covered with her hand. Her shoulders were shaking a little. This was definitely some sort of payback for keeping her waiting around on me all day.
Shia was smiling to herself while looking back and forth between me and Baldy curiously.
Lea, on the other hand, had her body turned away from everyone, unable to look, while clutching at her stomach and holding in her desire to laugh.
I refuse to accept any friends! I’m not taking applications!
Chapter 358. Forming a Strategic Alliance. (10/10)
When Lea’s body relaxed in my arms, only then did I finally open my mouth and ask, “You done crying?”
“Mmm.” She nodded with her face against my chest avoiding raising her head up to look at me.
“Then, that will be $1 now.”
“You’re… a jerk.” She still didn’t look at me, but she stuck her hand into her pocket and stuffed a dollar into my hand.
“Thank you for your business.”
“I love you.”
“Ahhh! What the hell are you saying that for? It hurts like hell!” A third bloody heart had appeared on the back of my left hand. This one was on the left with the point touching the other two. One more and it’d be a circle of hearts.
“That’s what you get for charging me for a hug.”
“Hey, you better not be telling me you actually fell for me.”
“Fell for you? Absolutely not. I only said, ‘I love you,’-
“Ahhh! Bitch, you did this one on purpose as well, didn’t you?”
“Ehem… so you’d suffer a tiny fraction of the pain I was feeling when crying.” She completed her sentence awkwardly after clearing her throat before she clarified, “That time… it was an accident.”
“Bullshit, I don’t buy it.”
“Okay, the asymmetry was bugging me a bit. Don’t you think it’s better to make it symmetric?”
“Don’t you dare say that phrase again.”
“I love y-? Oww ow ow ow! It hurtsh let gwo! I wash kidding, jush kidding!”
I pinched her hard on the cheek to stop her from finishing.
“Of all things you could have picked, why the hell did you pick those three words for the phrase?”
“Well… I figured it wasn’t a line I’d say by accident. Plus… I doubted you’d expect that would be the phrase. I was trying to expose you as a fake… but it really did prove what you were saying about being a devil.”
“Yes, and since I’ve proved it, you should be able to trust me now, right? If I betray you, I will die.”
“You… really willingly became the hostage?”
“Yes, so there shouldn’t be any problems with you going through with my plan, right?”
“Uh… yeah. I’ll… cooperate.”
“Alright, now, what was the condition you set in the contract?”
“Huh? Uh… you don’t know despite being a devil?”
“No, I don’t. You wrote it.”
“Don’t you have some sort of ability to magically know though?”
“Unless I’ve got a spare eye detached from my body flying around, there’s no way I’d know it.”
“You don’t have a third eye? But you’re a devil though, aren’t you? Shouldn’t you have some sort of cool ability?”
“Cool ability? None. There is literally none. What you’ve seen is what you get.”
“What the heck? But you’re a devil. A super evil being that should be able to shoot lasers out of your eyes and spit out fireballs from your mouth.”
“You’ve been fed too much devil propaganda. Devils aren’t anything that great.” At least… I think so. I’d rather not run into a devil that could really shoot lasers from their eyes or spit out fireballs from their mouths.
“What, then the part about me no longer aging was a lie after all?”
“No… that part, I believe is real.”
“You believe? What do you mean?”
“Well I have no concrete evidence as I’ve only been alive for sixteen years myself, but, whenever I offer that in the contract in exchange for a soul, every time I’ve had a sour taste at the back of my mouth. Whenever I don’t offer that, the taste is sweet.”
“Couldn’t that just be the difference between you making a deal you’re able to fulfill with a deal you can not?”
“Hmm… I’ve never considered that. However, this time around it was a very sour taste. My interpretation of it is whether it’s a good deal for me or a bad one. The more sour the taste, the worse of a deal it is for me.”
“Huh? Seriously?”
“Yeah. Which is why, can you tell me what your condition was?”
“Uh… it’s nothing impossible for you to fulfill… so your interpretation is probably correct. But, for now, you can forget about it. It’s really not important. I initially wrote it down as a joke and wasn’t taking it seriously.”
“Huh? You spent… half an hour thinking of a joke condition?”
“Yeah… I didn’t really believe you at all in the beginning. So I was spending that time thinking of how to mess with you. So… you can forget about the condition.”
“It’s a bad deal for me though. What is this condition?”
“I’ll show you another time. We should get back to your girlfriend. We’ve kept her waiting for such a long time now.”
She hopped up to her feet, ran around to the other side of the desk, then pulled out a folded-up piece of paper from her drawer and stuffed it in her pocket before she fled to the door before I even had a chance to stand up.
Just what the hell sort of condition did this girl set that she’s so adamant about not showing me? It couldn’t be… something like that, right? I shook my head to refute it. There was no chance in hell. I refuse to believe it.
But… this girl had been pretty desperate. Wait… maybe I’m getting ahead of myself and misunderstanding. It could be she wants me to help her with that problem of hers.
Yeah… let’s go with that.
If it was my first thought, a shiver ran down my back. I don’t want to. I really don’t want to. I mean, as she said, it wasn’t something impossible for me to fulfill, but I absolutely didn’t want to.
It really might be better to remain ignorant and left in the dark about the condition she wrote in. If she didn’t want me to fulfill it, that was her choice. If she ever did though… I was screwed and I’d have no choice but to fulfill it as I was contractually obligated to in exchange for her soul.
Well, so long as she doesn’t bring it up, what do I care?
I got off the chair, picked it up, then tucked it under the desk and followed after Lea who’d ditched me.
When I went down the stairs I heard Yuna ask, “Did something happen? I heard a few pained screams from up there.”
“Huh? Uh, well, he tried putting the moves on me a few times while we were negotiating so I gave him a few kicks.”
“Don’t listen to her, she’s making shit up to drag my name through the dirt.”
“Womanizer.” The look in her eyes as she said that made it clear she didn’t believe me at all.
“Oh~ how darin of ya. Makin a pass on our Lea when yuh have a girlfriend already.” Shia who was also here interjected with that sort of playful remark.
There was also another familiar face here, the baldy. The three of them were seated around a small table with cards in their hand. It looked like they’d been bonding by playing card games this entire time.
“Yeah, he really is too much of a womanizer, Yuna. What do you even see in a guy like him?”
“I’ve been seriously questioning that myself over the last two hours while waiting for the two of you to finish up. Just how did I get conned into being this guy’s girlfriend, I really wonder. I must have been drunk.”
Yuna had swapped back into the clothes I’d borrowed from the prostitute back at the motel. She’d also cleaned off the grease Shia smeared on her face and limbs earlier. It seems she’d located her handbag which I’d hidden at the bottom of the garbage bin as well.
“Don’t try that, you weren’t drunk.”
“Did you drug me then?”
“Of course not.”
“Then I truly can’t comprehend.” She shook her head with a visible lack of understanding on her face.
“Now, now. Calm down, I was just kidding, Yuna. He wasn’t really trying anything. I just kicked him on a few occasions for making some rude remarks.”
“Punk, yuh were rude te Lea? Yuh gotta death wish or sometin?”
“No, I’d like to live for the time being. If I do ever have a death wish I’ll give you a call though.”
“Think yer funny, punk?”
“Not at all. I’m the unfunniest man I know. Well, I’m a loner who’s got no friends, so it’s only natural I guess.”
“Yuh… got no friends?”
“Yeah, what of it?”
“That’s…”
“What?”
“That’s... so sad! I’m sorry pal, I didn’t know! I’ll be yer friend if that’s how it is!”
“Huh? Uh… no, I’m fine.” What the hell? Why am I being looked at by this bastard like I’m pitiful?
“It’s okay pal, from now on we’re buds. Yuh can come te me if anyone picks a fight wid ya.”
“I’m really fine, I swear. I’m a loner by choice. I don’t make friends because I don’t want to.”
“That’s…”
“What now?”
“That’s... even more pitiful than I imagined, pal! I know how it is bein unable to make friends. Don’t worry, I’ll be your pal from now on!”
My stomach started to turn as my expression froze up.
“What? You’re so moved yuh don’t know what te say? It’s all good pal, I’m here for ya if yuh wanna break down in tears and need a shoulder te cry on.” He opened his arms welcomingly.
My entire body trembled as waves of cringe rolled across my skin.
I couldn’t stand straight. I leaned on the wall to support my weight. I’d never cringed this much in my life before. Why does he not understand? Is communication impossible? Is he too stupid to understand English? Should I try another language? Damn it, I don’t know any other languages.
“Yuh okay, pal?”
“I’m fine. Let me try to find words that you will understand.”
I pulled out my phone and translated a response into Spanish.
“No necesito amigos, idiota!
“Huh? What’s dat supposed te mean, pal?”
Yuna quickly chimed in, seeming amused by this whole situation, “It means he looks forward to being friends, despite how much of a social idiot he is.”
“No it doesn’t! Don’t lie to him! It means ‘I don't need friends, you moron!’”
“What? It really means that?” He ignored me as he turned to Yuna and sought clarification.
“Yeah, it means exactly what I said. He’s just too embarrassed to honestly admit it.” She reassured him.
“You- you moron! Don’t believe her! What languages do you know?”
“English.”
“Then why don’t you understand my words, you damn baldy! I don’t want friends. It’s that simple.”
“Haaaah. I know how it is. I was like dat too, pal. Always sayin terrible things and pushin people away despite secretly wantin a friend deep down. Ma name's Baldwin, to think yuh’d already know the nickname everyone calls me around here. We must be destined te be bosom buddies.”
I facepalmed and slid down the wall exhausted. Idiots who you couldn’t communicate with through words were no doubt the bane of my existence.
Meanwhile, Yuna, enjoying the show, had her mouth covered with her hand. Her shoulders were shaking a little. This was definitely some sort of payback for keeping her waiting around on me all day.
Shia was smiling to herself while looking back and forth between me and Baldy curiously.
Lea, on the other hand, had her body turned away from everyone, unable to look, while clutching at her stomach and holding in her desire to laugh.
I refuse to accept any friends! I’m not taking applications!
