Drake considered everything he knew about how manor lords worked. Earlier today, Westin had made it clear that the moment he became Lord Gloomwood, he inherited all the crimes of the old lord. But with his unique ability to lie...
“I think I might have a way out of this that doesn’t involve murdering Westin, but I’ll need to know more about unforgivable crimes and your court system before I can say for sure. Let’s start with how the courts work. Do you try cases? Do you have lawyers?”
“I do not know those words, lord, at least in the context you suggest. I do not believe we have cases or lawyers.”
So he needed to question her on a more basic level. “All right, here’s a hypothetical. Say I’m not a manor lord, but just some guy, and I commit a crime that’s not unforgivable. What if I stole my neighbor’s cows?” Cattle theft had been a real crime back in the day.
“Resolving that matter would fall to your local magistrate. They would determine punishment and specify recompense. The noble court would not get involved in a local matter.”
“So the noble court handles matters that go beyond a single town? Like a crime that affects more than one town, or a whole region?”
“Should the crime extend beyond the jurisdiction of a town’s local magistrate, it would next be escalated to the manor lord to whom the town swore fealty.”
Right. Whole towns now swore fealty to “Lord Gloomwood” and paid him taxes, and he also recruited new blood thralls from those same towns.
“So how often do I have to settle petty disputes?”
“Not often, lord. Also, resolving such disputes between your vassal towns typically falls upon your manor’s mediator. She would only involve you if the matter were serious enough it warranted the attention of a manor lord. That is only rarely the case.”
So though he was a manor lord, he wouldn’t have to make judgments on people’s random crimes every day. One less headache. “So what about this noble court?”
“What about it, lord?”
“When do they get involved in legal proceedings?”
“If a crime or dispute occurs between two manor lords, that is when the noble court must intervene.”
This made sense. Towns handled their own shit, and the manor lord’s mediator got involved if towns disagreed, and if manor lords disagreed, it went to the noble court.
None of which helped him talk his way out of Dickcheese summoning a leviathan. But if his manor did have a mediator—which sounded like a judge—perhaps she would have some idea how to help him get out of his uniquely fucked up situation.
“So, my mediator lives here?”
“Yes, lord. Zuri has served as the mediator for Gloomwood Manor for decades.”
“Can you tell me what she does?” There must be dozens of blood thralls—employees—he hadn’t yet met. He’d need a full list of who worked for him and what they could do.
“Zuri handles all routine mediation matters for Lord Gloomwood, including resolving disputes between towns who swear fealty to us and negotiations with other manors. So if you wish to learn how our courts work, Zuri can answer your questions better than I.”
“Then let’s go see her right now. Can you show me where she hangs out?”
“Where she... lives, lord?”
“Yes.” He’d need to be careful how much Earth slang he threw around. Lydia and the others really did seem to be clueless about it... which was understandable.
“Of course. Follow me.” Lydia opened the door, but didn’t step out. She was waiting for him to step out before she did.
Drake decided to humor her. Reminding Lydia not to treat him like some pompous noble was more exhausting than anything else, and she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she seemed more relaxed when he just let her do what she had always done as steward.
He’d simply be careful not to abuse her loyalty. He was now the CEO of Gloomwood Inc, and Lydia was... his chief operations officer. When he thought about it like that, their partnership made perfect sense.
Drake stepped out of the room and waited as Lydia closed the door, then walked briskly past him and up the hall. This hallway looked very similar to the one in which he’d first emerged after leaving the torture dungeon, though he suspected it was a different part of the manor.
Just how big was his new manor? He’d need to look at a floor plan as soon as possible, then get himself a guided tour. He needed to know how many rooms he had, what those rooms did, where those rooms were, and how he could use them to not die. He was still very focused on his goal to not die, with a secondary goal of not getting everyone in his manor murdered.
Fortunately, he and Lydia didn’t need to walk far. She took him all the way to the end of the hallway, where two large doors waited. She knocked firmly.
“Busy.” A woman’s voice emerged from inside, businesslike and annoyed.
“Lord Gloomwood wishes to speak to you,” Lydia called through the doors.
Something that sounded like glass shattered in the room beyond, and Drake winced. He composed his features as more loud clattering sounds sounded from within, and then uneven clicking approached the doors. He hoped whoever Zuri was wouldn’t be as skittish as Olivia.
The doors opened to reveal a curvy woman with dark hair and brown skin wearing what Drake could only describe as a green party dress, tucked close in the front and slit up the legs. She looked to be about his mom’s age. The woman also appeared to be wearing rather steep heels, which seemed entirely unnecessary in a... was this a library?
Zuri immediately bowed low as she spotted Drake, but Lydia spoke before Drake could correct her. “Rise, Zuri. The lord has requested we no longer bow to him.”
“Oh!” Zuri eyed Drake curiously. “That’s novel.”
Lydia was on the ball. As far as he’d thrown Lydia out of her comfort zone by completely upending everything, she was already adjusting to his leadership style. More proof she was going to rock as his COO.
Lydia spoke again. “Lord Gloomwood wishes to learn all he can about our legal system, your duties as mediator at Gloomwood Manor, and in particular, the workings of the noble court. So please answer all questions he asks.”
Zuri beamed at them both. “I can certainly help with that! Please, come inside!”
She walked away with a sway of her hips and a clicking of heels. A glance at Lydia confirmed she was waiting for him to step inside. She closed the doors behind them.
Zuri’s large room was pure chaos. It did appear to have been a library at some point, but while there were still plenty of shelves on the walls, most of them only had a few books on them. There were books, but they were scattered in wobbly-looking piles across big tables and side tables. The entire place was a tinderbox waiting to go up in flames.
Drake’s brief inspection spotted plenty of scrolls as well, which made him want to ask Lydia if any of those were magic scrolls. He refrained. He was focused on legal matters at the moment, and Lydia would have told him if any of the books or scrolls in here could teach him magic. Given how Zuri was treating these scrolls, he doubted it.
Zuri pointed at a visible wet spot on the floor as she gracefully clicked her heels around it. “Pardon the dampness, lord. I’m a bit of a bumblebuss from time to time, and I accidentally dropped a crystal summon when you knocked.”
“No problem.” Drake had heard glass shatter earlier, but there was no glass on the floor. Just a puddle of glittering water. Best not to ask.
Zuri pivoted to stand directly in the center of the room, which was the only part free of clutter. The floor looked to be marble and had a fancy golden circle with multiple lines and lots of offshoots carved into it. If it was a ritual circle, however, it didn’t glow.
“How may I serve you today, lord?”
Zuri got right to business. “I need to learn how your courts work, specifically the noble court. I’ve already been informed that everyone in this world blames me for every crime ever committed by every other lord of Gloomwood Manor, so I need ways to handle that.”
“It is less a matter of blame and more a matter of debt.” Zuri smiled brightly as she spoke, but she still came off like a teacher... which wasn’t a bad thing, given he needed someone to teach him things right now. “Would it be correct to label you a newcomer to our realm? I’m often a bit slow to catch up on gossip.”
So the manor staff gossiped like any other manor staff would. Hopefully, Lydia had already put out some good gossip. “That’s right, Zuri. I’m from Earth. Have you heard of it?”
“I have not, but I will certainly learn all I can about it in order to better serve you.”
“Not necessary. I just need to know what you know, so let’s go with what you said about debt. I owe the world a debt because the prior lords of Gloomwood committed crimes?”
“As you are also owed favors, lord. Each manor lord bears a ledger that exists before they take the title and continues after they die. This arrangement provides continuity in matters of manor politics, and ensures alliances do not die with each individual lord.”
“So how often do lords die here?”
“It varies based on the frequency of conflict. Our former Lord Gloomwood—”
“Lord Dickcheese,” Lydia interjected.
Zuri paused. “Lord Dickcheese was the lord of this manor for just under five years. The lord before him held the title for eight, and the lord before that—”
“That’s fine,” Drake assured her, mainly because he didn’t need any more reminders of how likely it was he would die. “But any alliances lords make persist after death, just like their responsibility for crimes. Can lords ask that crimes be forgiven?”
“Do you refer to a tithe, lord?”
He hadn’t been referring to that, but he was now. “What is that?”
“In many cases where one manor lord has wronged another, or wronged another party capable of demanding recompense, the lord can offer compensation in coin or treasure in lieu of offering the culprit to the wronged party. This is known as a tithe.”
That sounded promising, but he somehow doubted it would help him. “Are there cases where a manor lord can’t just buy his way out of committing a crime?”
“There are certain crimes that are considered unforgivable. If a lord commits such crimes, no tithe will resolve it. But these crimes are rare, and usually not repeated.”
Attempting to summon a leviathan was an unforgivable crime, so he couldn’t just pay the noble court off. That left lying to them... or rather, to Westin. He just had to know what lie would work best, and he now believed lying was what would save this manor. His manor.
“Let’s go back to how the lords of manors change over. You already know I killed Lord Dickcheese, though be clear, he tried to kill me first.”
“Of course, lord.”
“Since he had no successor, killing him made me the new lord. Since I have divine blood. But is it possible for the title to change from one person to another without murder? Like, could a lord pass it to their child voluntarily?”
“Yes, lord. The title of manor lord can be passed down to another with divine blood, and with some manors, this is the norm. With the exception of the last three lords of Gloomwood Manor, prior changes of office occurred through ritual, not murder.”
That was perfect! Thanks to the power he had that no one else had or could even imagine, he really could save Gloomwood Manor. It was all rather straightforward.
He’d simply convince Westin Lord Dickcheese hadn’t been the lord of Gloomwood Manor when he attempted to summon that leviathan.
Drake considered everything he knew about how manor lords worked. Earlier today, Westin had made it clear that the moment he became Lord Gloomwood, he inherited all the crimes of the old lord. But with his unique ability to lie...
“I think I might have a way out of this that doesn’t involve murdering Westin, but I’ll need to know more about unforgivable crimes and your court system before I can say for sure. Let’s start with how the courts work. Do you try cases? Do you have lawyers?”
“I do not know those words, lord, at least in the context you suggest. I do not believe we have cases or lawyers.”
So he needed to question her on a more basic level. “All right, here’s a hypothetical. Say I’m not a manor lord, but just some guy, and I commit a crime that’s not unforgivable. What if I stole my neighbor’s cows?” Cattle theft had been a real crime back in the day.
“Resolving that matter would fall to your local magistrate. They would determine punishment and specify recompense. The noble court would not get involved in a local matter.”
“So the noble court handles matters that go beyond a single town? Like a crime that affects more than one town, or a whole region?”
“Should the crime extend beyond the jurisdiction of a town’s local magistrate, it would next be escalated to the manor lord to whom the town swore fealty.”
Right. Whole towns now swore fealty to “Lord Gloomwood” and paid him taxes, and he also recruited new blood thralls from those same towns.
“So how often do I have to settle petty disputes?”
“Not often, lord. Also, resolving such disputes between your vassal towns typically falls upon your manor’s mediator. She would only involve you if the matter were serious enough it warranted the attention of a manor lord. That is only rarely the case.”
So though he was a manor lord, he wouldn’t have to make judgments on people’s random crimes every day. One less headache. “So what about this noble court?”
“What about it, lord?”
“When do they get involved in legal proceedings?”
“If a crime or dispute occurs between two manor lords, that is when the noble court must intervene.”
This made sense. Towns handled their own shit, and the manor lord’s mediator got involved if towns disagreed, and if manor lords disagreed, it went to the noble court.
None of which helped him talk his way out of Dickcheese summoning a leviathan. But if his manor did have a mediator—which sounded like a judge—perhaps she would have some idea how to help him get out of his uniquely fucked up situation.
“So, my mediator lives here?”
“Yes, lord. Zuri has served as the mediator for Gloomwood Manor for decades.”
“Can you tell me what she does?” There must be dozens of blood thralls—employees—he hadn’t yet met. He’d need a full list of who worked for him and what they could do.
“Zuri handles all routine mediation matters for Lord Gloomwood, including resolving disputes between towns who swear fealty to us and negotiations with other manors. So if you wish to learn how our courts work, Zuri can answer your questions better than I.”
“Then let’s go see her right now. Can you show me where she hangs out?”
“Where she... lives, lord?”
“Yes.” He’d need to be careful how much Earth slang he threw around. Lydia and the others really did seem to be clueless about it... which was understandable.
“Of course. Follow me.” Lydia opened the door, but didn’t step out. She was waiting for him to step out before she did.
Drake decided to humor her. Reminding Lydia not to treat him like some pompous noble was more exhausting than anything else, and she didn’t seem to mind. If anything, she seemed more relaxed when he just let her do what she had always done as steward.
He’d simply be careful not to abuse her loyalty. He was now the CEO of Gloomwood Inc, and Lydia was... his chief operations officer. When he thought about it like that, their partnership made perfect sense.
Drake stepped out of the room and waited as Lydia closed the door, then walked briskly past him and up the hall. This hallway looked very similar to the one in which he’d first emerged after leaving the torture dungeon, though he suspected it was a different part of the manor.
Just how big was his new manor? He’d need to look at a floor plan as soon as possible, then get himself a guided tour. He needed to know how many rooms he had, what those rooms did, where those rooms were, and how he could use them to not die. He was still very focused on his goal to not die, with a secondary goal of not getting everyone in his manor murdered.
Fortunately, he and Lydia didn’t need to walk far. She took him all the way to the end of the hallway, where two large doors waited. She knocked firmly.
“Busy.” A woman’s voice emerged from inside, businesslike and annoyed.
“Lord Gloomwood wishes to speak to you,” Lydia called through the doors.
Something that sounded like glass shattered in the room beyond, and Drake winced. He composed his features as more loud clattering sounds sounded from within, and then uneven clicking approached the doors. He hoped whoever Zuri was wouldn’t be as skittish as Olivia.
The doors opened to reveal a curvy woman with dark hair and brown skin wearing what Drake could only describe as a green party dress, tucked close in the front and slit up the legs. She looked to be about his mom’s age. The woman also appeared to be wearing rather steep heels, which seemed entirely unnecessary in a... was this a library?
Zuri immediately bowed low as she spotted Drake, but Lydia spoke before Drake could correct her. “Rise, Zuri. The lord has requested we no longer bow to him.”
“Oh!” Zuri eyed Drake curiously. “That’s novel.”
Lydia was on the ball. As far as he’d thrown Lydia out of her comfort zone by completely upending everything, she was already adjusting to his leadership style. More proof she was going to rock as his COO.
Lydia spoke again. “Lord Gloomwood wishes to learn all he can about our legal system, your duties as mediator at Gloomwood Manor, and in particular, the workings of the noble court. So please answer all questions he asks.”
Zuri beamed at them both. “I can certainly help with that! Please, come inside!”
She walked away with a sway of her hips and a clicking of heels. A glance at Lydia confirmed she was waiting for him to step inside. She closed the doors behind them.
Zuri’s large room was pure chaos. It did appear to have been a library at some point, but while there were still plenty of shelves on the walls, most of them only had a few books on them. There were books, but they were scattered in wobbly-looking piles across big tables and side tables. The entire place was a tinderbox waiting to go up in flames.
Drake’s brief inspection spotted plenty of scrolls as well, which made him want to ask Lydia if any of those were magic scrolls. He refrained. He was focused on legal matters at the moment, and Lydia would have told him if any of the books or scrolls in here could teach him magic. Given how Zuri was treating these scrolls, he doubted it.
Zuri pointed at a visible wet spot on the floor as she gracefully clicked her heels around it. “Pardon the dampness, lord. I’m a bit of a bumblebuss from time to time, and I accidentally dropped a crystal summon when you knocked.”
“No problem.” Drake had heard glass shatter earlier, but there was no glass on the floor. Just a puddle of glittering water. Best not to ask.
Zuri pivoted to stand directly in the center of the room, which was the only part free of clutter. The floor looked to be marble and had a fancy golden circle with multiple lines and lots of offshoots carved into it. If it was a ritual circle, however, it didn’t glow.
“How may I serve you today, lord?”
Zuri got right to business. “I need to learn how your courts work, specifically the noble court. I’ve already been informed that everyone in this world blames me for every crime ever committed by every other lord of Gloomwood Manor, so I need ways to handle that.”
“It is less a matter of blame and more a matter of debt.” Zuri smiled brightly as she spoke, but she still came off like a teacher... which wasn’t a bad thing, given he needed someone to teach him things right now. “Would it be correct to label you a newcomer to our realm? I’m often a bit slow to catch up on gossip.”
So the manor staff gossiped like any other manor staff would. Hopefully, Lydia had already put out some good gossip. “That’s right, Zuri. I’m from Earth. Have you heard of it?”
“I have not, but I will certainly learn all I can about it in order to better serve you.”
“Not necessary. I just need to know what you know, so let’s go with what you said about debt. I owe the world a debt because the prior lords of Gloomwood committed crimes?”
“As you are also owed favors, lord. Each manor lord bears a ledger that exists before they take the title and continues after they die. This arrangement provides continuity in matters of manor politics, and ensures alliances do not die with each individual lord.”
“So how often do lords die here?”
“It varies based on the frequency of conflict. Our former Lord Gloomwood—”
“Lord Dickcheese,” Lydia interjected.
Zuri paused. “Lord Dickcheese was the lord of this manor for just under five years. The lord before him held the title for eight, and the lord before that—”
“That’s fine,” Drake assured her, mainly because he didn’t need any more reminders of how likely it was he would die. “But any alliances lords make persist after death, just like their responsibility for crimes. Can lords ask that crimes be forgiven?”
“Do you refer to a tithe, lord?”
He hadn’t been referring to that, but he was now. “What is that?”
“In many cases where one manor lord has wronged another, or wronged another party capable of demanding recompense, the lord can offer compensation in coin or treasure in lieu of offering the culprit to the wronged party. This is known as a tithe.”
That sounded promising, but he somehow doubted it would help him. “Are there cases where a manor lord can’t just buy his way out of committing a crime?”
“There are certain crimes that are considered unforgivable. If a lord commits such crimes, no tithe will resolve it. But these crimes are rare, and usually not repeated.”
Attempting to summon a leviathan was an unforgivable crime, so he couldn’t just pay the noble court off. That left lying to them... or rather, to Westin. He just had to know what lie would work best, and he now believed lying was what would save this manor. His manor.
“Let’s go back to how the lords of manors change over. You already know I killed Lord Dickcheese, though be clear, he tried to kill me first.”
“Of course, lord.”
“Since he had no successor, killing him made me the new lord. Since I have divine blood. But is it possible for the title to change from one person to another without murder? Like, could a lord pass it to their child voluntarily?”
“Yes, lord. The title of manor lord can be passed down to another with divine blood, and with some manors, this is the norm. With the exception of the last three lords of Gloomwood Manor, prior changes of office occurred through ritual, not murder.”
That was perfect! Thanks to the power he had that no one else had or could even imagine, he really could save Gloomwood Manor. It was all rather straightforward.
He’d simply convince Westin Lord Dickcheese hadn’t been the lord of Gloomwood Manor when he attempted to summon that leviathan.
