October had been perfect. Well, it wasn’t fully over yet. October had been perfect so far.
And to be honest there were a few things Dani wasn’t too happy with. Namely the weird tension between her and Simon. It had made her unsure of their friendship moving forward.
October had its ups and downs… So far?
Whatever the case, Dani had more confidence than ever before. She had gone out with Ryan on three separate occasions, donning varying degrees of makeup. Even better, strangers had only assumed she was a man once! Her own fault, really. She had done a lazy job shaving that day.
Calling their outings ‘dates’ made her feel giddy, though she hesitated to label them as such. Ryan always seemed to be having a nice time. Still, it had only been a few weeks.
It’s dating, right? We go out, have a nice time, just the two of us. But neither of us seems willing to call it that. I don’t want to scare him or anything! Maybe he feels the same way?
There were doubts. Another point against October being perfect.
For one, Ryan favored going out in the middle of the day. To places where he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew. He didn’t say that, of course. But Dani could tell.
She had heard lots of stories of ‘chasers’ from trans women online. Men who would be interested in dating her, but never dare be seen with her in public.
But we have been in public, just not any hotspots. So maybe it’s fine!
Chasers were also supposedly hypersexual in nature. Ryan, however, hadn’t initiated anything further than…
Dani blushed, then remembered where she was. She was supposed to be wiping down the counter during the slow hour at The Mug. Instead, she had spent the last three minutes day dreaming while scrubbing a single stain that had long since been wiped away.
Was it really her fault? For the first time, her life resembled how she always pictured it. Not perfectly, of course. She needed to come out to more people. Her work, a couple of her less-loony cousins. Even some of her friends she knew through Ryan and Simon, which she had been neglecting all year.
Everything is finally beginning. I made it through the hard part and I can finally start to thrive as me!
“Danny,” her boss’s voice called from the back. “I appreciate your dedication to cleanliness but the rest of the countertop could use some shine too.”
Her boss wasn’t a stern man by any means. She even agreed with him that she had been slacking.
“Right, sorry.” Dani mumbled in her guy-voice. She had been using her trained voice, her real voice, more and more in public. It had almost become her default, though work still demanded she keep up her disguise.
I really need to lose a pair and come out to these people already.
As she put a little more brainpower into cleaning the rest of the counter, her mind wandered back to Ryan. Despite her doubts, she really was happy with the direction things were moving. While they both danced around labels and commitment, the time they spent together always filled her with energy.
Just a few nights prior they had been watching some dumb movie when Ryan put his arm around her shoulder. Pulling her toward him, sharing his warmth.
He smelled so nice…
“Danny!” Her boss yelled, more agitated this time.
She realized she was back to rubbing the same spot for entirely too long.
“Sorry!”
***
The apartment had fallen into a familiar pattern since the blackout, and the current lazy afternoon was no exception.
Dani and Ryan were slouched on the sofa, fooling around with their phones. The television was on a low volume, playing whatever could provide some decent white noise. Simon hadn’t returned home from work yet. It was familiar. It was home.
No longer did Dani hide in her room the moment she came home from work. She tried to once, fearing that she was being too clingy with Ryan. Though her concerns were erased when he knocked on her door after a few minutes asking if she wanted to play video games.
“Woah, check this out,” Ryan said, showing Dani his phone. It was just some trailer for a new game. “We’ll have to play this when it’s out.”
“Looks cool!” Dani responded. She wasn’t super interested in the game, though she did like whenever he would lean closer and show her something.
She took the opportunity to scoot toward him.
If it’s little by little then maybe he won’t notice.
This had also been added to their routine. Dani knew they were comfortable being close, yet couldn’t find the courage to just sit next to him. She always left a healthy foot or two of space on the couch between them.
I should just sit on his lap one of these days…
Another quirk Dani had noticed popping up: her aggressiveness.
Not actually aggressive. She was still terrified of leaning on him without his express okay. No, it was all mental. Years of her repressed sexuality finally being released flooded her with new thoughts and ideas about what she wanted, but no knowledge on how to get it.
“You can sit a little closer if you want,” Ryan said without looking away from his phone.
Dani cursed herself for being so easy to read.
But I guess it worked out here.
She slid closer again, until her thigh was touching his. Ryan smirked but stayed focused on whatever he was watching.
I bet he thinks he’s so cool. Maybe this is my opening…
“How about if I do this?” Dani asked with a coy smile. She repositioned herself so that she laid face-up on the couch, her feet up on the arm rest with her head on Ryan’s lap, giving her a clear view of his face.
Ryan finally peeled his eyes off his phone and looked down. “Well that’s more forward than I was expecting from you.”
“I just didn’t feel like going to my room for a pillow,” Dani said. She closed her eyes and feigned falling asleep.
“Just be careful down there,” Ryan said. He set his phone to the side.
“Careful why? Wha– Oh!” She sat up. “Right, right, sorry!” She scrambled to her feet and covered her bright red face.
I wanted to be forward but not like THAT.
Ryan just laughed, a little louder than Dani would have liked.
“It’s fine, I was just teasing you!” Ryan stood up as well. “It was comfy, don’t wor–”
The front door opened up. As has been the usual case, Simon was home from work and ready to hurry into his room and make little to no conversation.
He gave a halfhearted wave, threw his jacket on his designated hook, and started walking away.
“Oh hey, hold up!” Ryan said. “Before you go hide in our room again, I have to tell you something. Both of you, actually.”
Simon sighed and stopped retreating. “Alright, what is it?”
“Amy is hosting a costume party on Halloween!” Ryan almost sounded too excited for another excuse to drink. “We should all go!”
“Uh, maybe,” Simon said, not convincing anyone. “I think I have to work, though.” With that, he trudged to his room and closed the door.
“What a killjoy,” Ryan said. He turned to Dani, “You’ll go, right? You missed out on so much this summer, you have to make up for lost time!”
“Umm…” Dani trailed off. She was happy that Ryan wanted to spend more time with her! At the same time, she worried about all the terrible things that could happen at a costume party.
Everyone there will see me as a dude. And people drinking… Especially Ryan’s crowd. It’s asking for someone to get wasted and say something upsetting toward me.
“What would I even wear?” Dani said, priming an excuse. “Two days notice isn’t much time to plan.”
“We’ll think of something!” Ryan’s excitement was starting to feel contagious. “We could do a co– er ehem, like a matching costume.”
Hm. Well as long as Ryan’s there it might not be too bad. And if we did start dating then I would have to go with him to stuff like this anyway… Not that we’re going to date! Just like– Just in case.
Dani could no longer convince herself it was a terrible idea. “Okay, but only if you help me with my costume!”
“Yeah!” Ryan let out a mini-fist pump by his hips. “No problem, I’ll think of something fun!”
This will be good for me, Dani insisted. I want to grow and thrive, after all. I’ll need to get out of my comfort zone eventually.
October had been perfect. Well, it wasn’t fully over yet. October had been perfect so far.
And to be honest there were a few things Dani wasn’t too happy with. Namely the weird tension between her and Simon. It had made her unsure of their friendship moving forward.
October had its ups and downs… So far?
Whatever the case, Dani had more confidence than ever before. She had gone out with Ryan on three separate occasions, donning varying degrees of makeup. Even better, strangers had only assumed she was a man once! Her own fault, really. She had done a lazy job shaving that day.
Calling their outings ‘dates’ made her feel giddy, though she hesitated to label them as such. Ryan always seemed to be having a nice time. Still, it had only been a few weeks.
It’s dating, right? We go out, have a nice time, just the two of us. But neither of us seems willing to call it that. I don’t want to scare him or anything! Maybe he feels the same way?
There were doubts. Another point against October being perfect.
For one, Ryan favored going out in the middle of the day. To places where he wouldn’t run into anyone he knew. He didn’t say that, of course. But Dani could tell.
She had heard lots of stories of ‘chasers’ from trans women online. Men who would be interested in dating her, but never dare be seen with her in public.
But we have been in public, just not any hotspots. So maybe it’s fine!
Chasers were also supposedly hypersexual in nature. Ryan, however, hadn’t initiated anything further than…
Dani blushed, then remembered where she was. She was supposed to be wiping down the counter during the slow hour at The Mug. Instead, she had spent the last three minutes day dreaming while scrubbing a single stain that had long since been wiped away.
Was it really her fault? For the first time, her life resembled how she always pictured it. Not perfectly, of course. She needed to come out to more people. Her work, a couple of her less-loony cousins. Even some of her friends she knew through Ryan and Simon, which she had been neglecting all year.
Everything is finally beginning. I made it through the hard part and I can finally start to thrive as me!
“Danny,” her boss’s voice called from the back. “I appreciate your dedication to cleanliness but the rest of the countertop could use some shine too.”
Her boss wasn’t a stern man by any means. She even agreed with him that she had been slacking.
“Right, sorry.” Dani mumbled in her guy-voice. She had been using her trained voice, her real voice, more and more in public. It had almost become her default, though work still demanded she keep up her disguise.
I really need to lose a pair and come out to these people already.
As she put a little more brainpower into cleaning the rest of the counter, her mind wandered back to Ryan. Despite her doubts, she really was happy with the direction things were moving. While they both danced around labels and commitment, the time they spent together always filled her with energy.
Just a few nights prior they had been watching some dumb movie when Ryan put his arm around her shoulder. Pulling her toward him, sharing his warmth.
He smelled so nice…
“Danny!” Her boss yelled, more agitated this time.
She realized she was back to rubbing the same spot for entirely too long.
“Sorry!”
***
The apartment had fallen into a familiar pattern since the blackout, and the current lazy afternoon was no exception.
Dani and Ryan were slouched on the sofa, fooling around with their phones. The television was on a low volume, playing whatever could provide some decent white noise. Simon hadn’t returned home from work yet. It was familiar. It was home.
No longer did Dani hide in her room the moment she came home from work. She tried to once, fearing that she was being too clingy with Ryan. Though her concerns were erased when he knocked on her door after a few minutes asking if she wanted to play video games.
“Woah, check this out,” Ryan said, showing Dani his phone. It was just some trailer for a new game. “We’ll have to play this when it’s out.”
“Looks cool!” Dani responded. She wasn’t super interested in the game, though she did like whenever he would lean closer and show her something.
She took the opportunity to scoot toward him.
If it’s little by little then maybe he won’t notice.
This had also been added to their routine. Dani knew they were comfortable being close, yet couldn’t find the courage to just sit next to him. She always left a healthy foot or two of space on the couch between them.
I should just sit on his lap one of these days…
Another quirk Dani had noticed popping up: her aggressiveness.
Not actually aggressive. She was still terrified of leaning on him without his express okay. No, it was all mental. Years of her repressed sexuality finally being released flooded her with new thoughts and ideas about what she wanted, but no knowledge on how to get it.
“You can sit a little closer if you want,” Ryan said without looking away from his phone.
Dani cursed herself for being so easy to read.
But I guess it worked out here.
She slid closer again, until her thigh was touching his. Ryan smirked but stayed focused on whatever he was watching.
I bet he thinks he’s so cool. Maybe this is my opening…
“How about if I do this?” Dani asked with a coy smile. She repositioned herself so that she laid face-up on the couch, her feet up on the arm rest with her head on Ryan’s lap, giving her a clear view of his face.
Ryan finally peeled his eyes off his phone and looked down. “Well that’s more forward than I was expecting from you.”
“I just didn’t feel like going to my room for a pillow,” Dani said. She closed her eyes and feigned falling asleep.
“Just be careful down there,” Ryan said. He set his phone to the side.
“Careful why? Wha– Oh!” She sat up. “Right, right, sorry!” She scrambled to her feet and covered her bright red face.
I wanted to be forward but not like THAT.
Ryan just laughed, a little louder than Dani would have liked.
“It’s fine, I was just teasing you!” Ryan stood up as well. “It was comfy, don’t wor–”
The front door opened up. As has been the usual case, Simon was home from work and ready to hurry into his room and make little to no conversation.
He gave a halfhearted wave, threw his jacket on his designated hook, and started walking away.
“Oh hey, hold up!” Ryan said. “Before you go hide in our room again, I have to tell you something. Both of you, actually.”
Simon sighed and stopped retreating. “Alright, what is it?”
“Amy is hosting a costume party on Halloween!” Ryan almost sounded too excited for another excuse to drink. “We should all go!”
“Uh, maybe,” Simon said, not convincing anyone. “I think I have to work, though.” With that, he trudged to his room and closed the door.
“What a killjoy,” Ryan said. He turned to Dani, “You’ll go, right? You missed out on so much this summer, you have to make up for lost time!”
“Umm…” Dani trailed off. She was happy that Ryan wanted to spend more time with her! At the same time, she worried about all the terrible things that could happen at a costume party.
Everyone there will see me as a dude. And people drinking… Especially Ryan’s crowd. It’s asking for someone to get wasted and say something upsetting toward me.
“What would I even wear?” Dani said, priming an excuse. “Two days notice isn’t much time to plan.”
“We’ll think of something!” Ryan’s excitement was starting to feel contagious. “We could do a co– er ehem, like a matching costume.”
Hm. Well as long as Ryan’s there it might not be too bad. And if we did start dating then I would have to go with him to stuff like this anyway… Not that we’re going to date! Just like– Just in case.
Dani could no longer convince herself it was a terrible idea. “Okay, but only if you help me with my costume!”
“Yeah!” Ryan let out a mini-fist pump by his hips. “No problem, I’ll think of something fun!”
This will be good for me, Dani insisted. I want to grow and thrive, after all. I’ll need to get out of my comfort zone eventually.
