Even from outside, Simon could hear the Christmas music blasting from his mother’s radio she had left on indoors. He didn’t mind the songs, though the volume made him worry about her hearing.
“It should be pretty quick to fix.” His mother gestured to the disconnected hinge on her shed door.
Simon inspected the damage. The screws were rusted, but the wooden door and metal hinge were in-tact enough to reuse them. “Uh, probably? Do you have extra screws?”
“Yup,” she said, holding them out in her gloved palm. “I really just needed the extra pair of hands to help me hold the door in place. Thanks again for coming.”
With a nod, Simon huffed into his bare hands. Snow had been falling since morning, when his mother had called and asked for help, and only now was there a short break in the flurries. He hoped that she was right and the job would be over within a few minutes.
I wonder if I should tell her…
His encounter with Rich and Mira still brought embarrassment to his cheeks whenever he remembered it. He was pretty sure he would never tell Dani or Ryan, and while he didn’t want his mother to worry for him, it could be an interesting discussion for them to bond over. Out of all the things his mother was, being judgemental wasn’t one of them.
“So I met this odd couple the other day,” he began. Before he continued, he lifted up the crooked shed door and began to angle it closer to where it belonged. “They were at this after school thing I hosted, and they wanted to talk.”
While Simon spoke, his mother nodded and smiled along. “Yeah? Odd how?” She guided the corner of the door back to the loose hinge.
“Odd as in, they seemed like they didn’t belong around here. They were very… worldly?” He began to shrug when he lost his grip on the door and had to return his focus to their project. “They uhh, they…”
Ah, I can’t do this. Nobody should ever have to hear the full story.
“They talked about how they traveled the world for a few years when they were young.” He swallowed down the rest of the story and decided he would talk about the more mundane part of that night. “Like, they didn’t just jump into their lives afterward, they went and saw everything there is out there before settling down.”
“I don’t think that’s odd. It’s a big decision to– Can you hold that up a little higher please?” She twisted the screws into place while Simon kept his end of the door steady. “Is that something you’re interested in?”
Simon would have raised an eyebrow had his face not been in the early stages of freezing solid. “Huh? That’s not really what I was getting at…”
“Are ya sure?” She placed the third and final screw into its hole and readied the screwdriver.
“Well, yeah. I already have a degree, so I should be looking for a real job. Right?”
His mother finished securing the final piece that would keep the door held in place, then looked to her son with a warm smile. “It’s up to you. You’ve already waited to get your ‘real job’ or whatever you wanna call it, why not take some more time? I doubt you’ll get many chances for a carefree vacation once you start working full-time.”
“Maybe,” Simon said, letting go of the shed door and tucking his numb hands under his armpits. “But it’s not exactly cheap. It would be a huge waste of money when I should be saving what I earn.”
With a sigh, his mother tested the doors and, when she was satisfied, locked up the shed and began to walk toward the house. “Maybe it would be a waste, or maybe you would enjoy your time seeing the world. It all depends on what you want out of life.”
Simon ruminated on that last sentence. What I want out of life… I want to be happy. Right, everyone does. Do I want a lot of money? I wouldn’t complain, but I don’t think I’d need it. Some life experience… It would be nice to have, but I get overwhelmed by big choices so easily, maybe staying in my hometown and settling in would be the smoothest way to go.
As he contemplated, he could feel his head begin to ache. He couldn’t contain himself. “How am I supposed to know what I want?”
Compared to how softly he usually spoke, he sounded bitter and frustrated.
His mother opened her mouth to speak before holding up a single finger and walking inside. He followed her, ashamed at his outburst. Once they stepped through the back door, the heated air began to thaw away at his nose and fingertips.
At least I’m not freezing anymore. Maybe I’ll get lucky and mom will just ignore what I said. Write it off as some leftover teen angst? I shouldn’t be acting like this at my age.
While he kicked off his boots, his mother wrapped him into a hug and spoke softly. “Baby, I don't know what you want in life. I have certain things I hope you discover as you grow, but in the end I can’t see into your head or heart. But I’m here if you need to talk anything through.”
Simon returned the hug, finding himself squeezing his dear mother harder than he had since childhood. His nose began to run, but he hoped that was easily excused by the cold.
I don’t bottle things up anymore. I’m changing as a person, I’m getting better… I hope.
When the hug finally broke off, Simon cleared his throat before speaking. “I just hate how little confidence I have in myself. How I can’t ever figure anything out on my own. I have no clue what to do with my degree, or my money, or really my entire life! Other people around me figure me out faster than I can, it seems.”
He was afraid to look his mother in the eyes as he spoke, not sure if he would catch some disappointment in her eyes. More likely, he was scared there would be nothing but love awaiting him, and he would break down even further.
“I don’t want to jump into a career and feel stuck in it. What if I hate it! There’s not an undo button, I can’t keep hopping around serious jobs like that or try something else if my interests change too much. But if I wait too long, what then? What if I lose out on opportunities that I’ll never get another chance at?”
Simon gave in to his curiosity and looked his mother in the eye. She was still smiling, warm as always, her face showing nothing but compassion.
“You’ve always been careful, Simon.” She removed her cream scarf and tossed it onto the washing machine in their mudroom where they had been talking. “You’ve always been smart, and caring, and are always prepared to keep your loved ones safe. But I think it’s time you put some effort into yourself. You don’t know who you are. You worry too much about avoiding regrets, but dear you’re never ever going to live a life – a real life you’re happy and proud of – without a few.”
“So, what, I should just get a job and if I regret it then quit?”
His mother chuckled. “Maybe! Or maybe you should go live in the mountains for a few years, or you should go back and get a different degree, or you should go to Las Vegas and marry the first person that smiles at you.”
Now Simon was laughing. “I don’t know how helpful any of that would be.”
“My point is, do what you think will be good for you, will make you happy, and then go for it. Don’t sit around thinking through every single risk, making sure it’s the safest, most optimal choice. Do it because you want to.”
“Last time I acted without thinking I felt like an idiot, and almost lost my best friend.” He turned and finished removing his other boot.
“But you’re still here.”
“I guess…” He tried to imagine a version of him like that. The Simon who would have asked out Dani months earlier, maybe even years. The Simon who was already a software developer by now. The Simon who changed his major when he began to have doubts. The Simon who spent a night with Rich and Mira just for the experience.
Maybe I can… get halfway there? He couldn’t see a world where he did all of that, but a world where he did one or two of those things, and the path to get there, was taking shape.
From his coat pocket, his phone began to buzz. He fished it out while his mother left to the kitchen where he could hear her open the fridge.
Huh, Dani’s calling. Maybe she forgot whose turn it was to cook again.
“Hey, what’s up?” His frozen ear stung as he set his phone against it.
“Hey, have you heard from Ryan at all today?” She sounded stressed, like she was holding back more fear than she portrayed.
“Uh, no actually I haven’t. I heard him get up and leave this morning.”
“Well, he isn’t responding to his phone. Not texts or calls or anything. He should be off of work by now, right?” More and more stress built up in her voice.
Simon took a deep breath and began stuffing his feet back in his boots. “His phone probably died or something. And maybe he and Elliot met up for a drink and he’ll be home soon. Try not to worry, I’m heading home now.”
“Okay… Yeah, you’re right. Thanks. Drive safe.”
The call ended.
Even from outside, Simon could hear the Christmas music blasting from his mother’s radio she had left on indoors. He didn’t mind the songs, though the volume made him worry about her hearing.
“It should be pretty quick to fix.” His mother gestured to the disconnected hinge on her shed door.
Simon inspected the damage. The screws were rusted, but the wooden door and metal hinge were in-tact enough to reuse them. “Uh, probably? Do you have extra screws?”
“Yup,” she said, holding them out in her gloved palm. “I really just needed the extra pair of hands to help me hold the door in place. Thanks again for coming.”
With a nod, Simon huffed into his bare hands. Snow had been falling since morning, when his mother had called and asked for help, and only now was there a short break in the flurries. He hoped that she was right and the job would be over within a few minutes.
I wonder if I should tell her…
His encounter with Rich and Mira still brought embarrassment to his cheeks whenever he remembered it. He was pretty sure he would never tell Dani or Ryan, and while he didn’t want his mother to worry for him, it could be an interesting discussion for them to bond over. Out of all the things his mother was, being judgemental wasn’t one of them.
“So I met this odd couple the other day,” he began. Before he continued, he lifted up the crooked shed door and began to angle it closer to where it belonged. “They were at this after school thing I hosted, and they wanted to talk.”
While Simon spoke, his mother nodded and smiled along. “Yeah? Odd how?” She guided the corner of the door back to the loose hinge.
“Odd as in, they seemed like they didn’t belong around here. They were very… worldly?” He began to shrug when he lost his grip on the door and had to return his focus to their project. “They uhh, they…”
Ah, I can’t do this. Nobody should ever have to hear the full story.
“They talked about how they traveled the world for a few years when they were young.” He swallowed down the rest of the story and decided he would talk about the more mundane part of that night. “Like, they didn’t just jump into their lives afterward, they went and saw everything there is out there before settling down.”
“I don’t think that’s odd. It’s a big decision to– Can you hold that up a little higher please?” She twisted the screws into place while Simon kept his end of the door steady. “Is that something you’re interested in?”
Simon would have raised an eyebrow had his face not been in the early stages of freezing solid. “Huh? That’s not really what I was getting at…”
“Are ya sure?” She placed the third and final screw into its hole and readied the screwdriver.
“Well, yeah. I already have a degree, so I should be looking for a real job. Right?”
His mother finished securing the final piece that would keep the door held in place, then looked to her son with a warm smile. “It’s up to you. You’ve already waited to get your ‘real job’ or whatever you wanna call it, why not take some more time? I doubt you’ll get many chances for a carefree vacation once you start working full-time.”
“Maybe,” Simon said, letting go of the shed door and tucking his numb hands under his armpits. “But it’s not exactly cheap. It would be a huge waste of money when I should be saving what I earn.”
With a sigh, his mother tested the doors and, when she was satisfied, locked up the shed and began to walk toward the house. “Maybe it would be a waste, or maybe you would enjoy your time seeing the world. It all depends on what you want out of life.”
Simon ruminated on that last sentence. What I want out of life… I want to be happy. Right, everyone does. Do I want a lot of money? I wouldn’t complain, but I don’t think I’d need it. Some life experience… It would be nice to have, but I get overwhelmed by big choices so easily, maybe staying in my hometown and settling in would be the smoothest way to go.
As he contemplated, he could feel his head begin to ache. He couldn’t contain himself. “How am I supposed to know what I want?”
Compared to how softly he usually spoke, he sounded bitter and frustrated.
His mother opened her mouth to speak before holding up a single finger and walking inside. He followed her, ashamed at his outburst. Once they stepped through the back door, the heated air began to thaw away at his nose and fingertips.
At least I’m not freezing anymore. Maybe I’ll get lucky and mom will just ignore what I said. Write it off as some leftover teen angst? I shouldn’t be acting like this at my age.
While he kicked off his boots, his mother wrapped him into a hug and spoke softly. “Baby, I don't know what you want in life. I have certain things I hope you discover as you grow, but in the end I can’t see into your head or heart. But I’m here if you need to talk anything through.”
Simon returned the hug, finding himself squeezing his dear mother harder than he had since childhood. His nose began to run, but he hoped that was easily excused by the cold.
I don’t bottle things up anymore. I’m changing as a person, I’m getting better… I hope.
When the hug finally broke off, Simon cleared his throat before speaking. “I just hate how little confidence I have in myself. How I can’t ever figure anything out on my own. I have no clue what to do with my degree, or my money, or really my entire life! Other people around me figure me out faster than I can, it seems.”
He was afraid to look his mother in the eyes as he spoke, not sure if he would catch some disappointment in her eyes. More likely, he was scared there would be nothing but love awaiting him, and he would break down even further.
“I don’t want to jump into a career and feel stuck in it. What if I hate it! There’s not an undo button, I can’t keep hopping around serious jobs like that or try something else if my interests change too much. But if I wait too long, what then? What if I lose out on opportunities that I’ll never get another chance at?”
Simon gave in to his curiosity and looked his mother in the eye. She was still smiling, warm as always, her face showing nothing but compassion.
“You’ve always been careful, Simon.” She removed her cream scarf and tossed it onto the washing machine in their mudroom where they had been talking. “You’ve always been smart, and caring, and are always prepared to keep your loved ones safe. But I think it’s time you put some effort into yourself. You don’t know who you are. You worry too much about avoiding regrets, but dear you’re never ever going to live a life – a real life you’re happy and proud of – without a few.”
“So, what, I should just get a job and if I regret it then quit?”
His mother chuckled. “Maybe! Or maybe you should go live in the mountains for a few years, or you should go back and get a different degree, or you should go to Las Vegas and marry the first person that smiles at you.”
Now Simon was laughing. “I don’t know how helpful any of that would be.”
“My point is, do what you think will be good for you, will make you happy, and then go for it. Don’t sit around thinking through every single risk, making sure it’s the safest, most optimal choice. Do it because you want to.”
“Last time I acted without thinking I felt like an idiot, and almost lost my best friend.” He turned and finished removing his other boot.
“But you’re still here.”
“I guess…” He tried to imagine a version of him like that. The Simon who would have asked out Dani months earlier, maybe even years. The Simon who was already a software developer by now. The Simon who changed his major when he began to have doubts. The Simon who spent a night with Rich and Mira just for the experience.
Maybe I can… get halfway there? He couldn’t see a world where he did all of that, but a world where he did one or two of those things, and the path to get there, was taking shape.
From his coat pocket, his phone began to buzz. He fished it out while his mother left to the kitchen where he could hear her open the fridge.
Huh, Dani’s calling. Maybe she forgot whose turn it was to cook again.
“Hey, what’s up?” His frozen ear stung as he set his phone against it.
“Hey, have you heard from Ryan at all today?” She sounded stressed, like she was holding back more fear than she portrayed.
“Uh, no actually I haven’t. I heard him get up and leave this morning.”
“Well, he isn’t responding to his phone. Not texts or calls or anything. He should be off of work by now, right?” More and more stress built up in her voice.
Simon took a deep breath and began stuffing his feet back in his boots. “His phone probably died or something. And maybe he and Elliot met up for a drink and he’ll be home soon. Try not to worry, I’m heading home now.”
“Okay… Yeah, you’re right. Thanks. Drive safe.”
The call ended.
