Chapter 432
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Chapter 432
Ive said this before, and Ill say it again. I dont like Central much.
The cities are dirty and disorganized, the people wear too much makeup and too many accessories, and 99% of the time, the landscape is so flat and uniform its like youre stuck in some boring, clone-stamped purgatory, condemned to wander through the endless boring plains of Central for all eternity. I much prefer the vibrant forests, towering mountains, roaring rivers, and rolling hills of the North, its wild, untamed beauty bearing breathtaking vistas around every corner and over every horizon.
Granted, the province isnt entirely devoid of beauty. Nan Pings bay is a breathtaking sight when not cluttered with hundreds of ships, especially at sunrise and sunset. The bamboo groves are also kinda nice, so long as you only look at the oldest growth and ignore the half-grown and recently harvested areas. Then theres the flower fields, which while few and far between, are an explosion of colour in an otherwise green and blue world. Pink orchids, orange rhododendrons, golden chrysanthemums, and purple lilies, its as if Central were trying to balance out its boring colour palette with a smattering of densely packed meadows filled with more flowers than I can even name.
We passed by one such field on our first patrol three days march from Sinuji, and seeing as our route brought us close by, I decided to stop in again. Not solely because of all the pretty flowers, but also because this is a rare defensible location on the plains of Central. Hemmed in by a roaring river the sand-dwelling Defiled refuse to cross, the flower field lies just south of our encampment, which is how the meadow has remained untouched in the previous months of fighting. To our north is a lotus-studded pond, formed by a naturally constructed dam of stone, mud, and dead vegetation which sits directly west of camp, the only dry approach the Defiled can take if they want to ford the river and attack us. Its not often we find a choke-point on the flat fields of Central, so the first time we passed by, I asked Rustram to note it in his report as a place to retreat to in case things go bad.
I also pressed a whole slew of samples to bring back to study, but sadly, the plants growing here are all mundane and have no purpose besides looking nice, making tea, and feeding bees. No meat pies falling from the sky this time.
Previously, I wasnt sure if anyone read those reports, though now Im almost positive no one does. Its been over two months since we last stopped here and I can still see the signs of our last visit. The furrows in the dirt from where we placed our yurts are still there, the trampled field where the horses grazed and slept has yet to fully recover, and the latrines dug by Jorani are still open at the back of camp. Waking with an adorable snort, Mama Bun struggles out of my arms and hops over to the centre of the field where my yurt once stood and greedily chows down on a lone, sprouting flower. It seems she remembers our last time here, when she romped through the meadow with ravenous delight and gorged on the fresh grown delicacies, though if she was aiming for the buffet line, shes a little off target.
Mama Bun is lucky shes cute, because she is hella dumb.
Curious and filial as always, Blackjack clambers down from the bunny banner and scampers to Mama Buns side, his little nose twitching as he tries to join in on her feast. Sweet Blackjack still sees her as his parent, but Mama Bun is done with raising babies and promptly punts the interloper away from her meal. Heart breaking as the cloud chaser hare screams and tumbles away, I beat Song by a hair and pick him up, nuzzling the poor hare close as he trembles in my hands thanks to Mama Buns cold rebuff. Silly little guy, he doesnt even like veggies and should be on an all-meat diet, but time and time again, Ive seen him chewing the grass and tubers his bunny siblings love so much just to try and fit in.
Though Taduk and Lin would disagree, I think its adorable how Blackjack thinks hes a bunny. He even headbutts his siblings sometimes, though it never ends well once the bigger bunnies headbutt back. At least Tawny One likes him, though shes a little... too affectionate, if you know what I mean.
Bicorn bunnies mature much faster than cloud chaser hares.
After confirming all of Blackjacks fragile bones are intact, I stroke his tiny velvety head and join Song in following Mama Bun around the field, watching the abusive parent enjoy her all-you-can-eat buffet while the quins and turtles go for a swim and my soldiers set camp. Although it feels like Im shirking my duties, lately, Ive become more of a figurehead than actual commander. I mean, everyone obeys my commands without question, but they dont need me barking orders to place tents or form a defensive perimeter. Even Rustram has learned not to micromanage the retinue and instead betrays his inner masochist for all to see, topping off a long day of travel with an intense training session in his weighted armour. People call me crazy, but Ive seen him run into battle and duel Defiled Champions while wearing his cumbersome training gear, which is just all sorts of wrong.
That said, a modicum of supervision still required since former bandits arent exactly known for their discipline. Yimu Juniors lot in particular presents something of a dilemma, so Wang Bao, Bulat, and Ravil stalk the camp in search of infractions to punish. The latter is no longer so enthusiastic in administering them, and for once, I didnt have to do anything to fix it. Ravils newfound composure is probably thanks to Ciros sultry gaze following him about, the ribald beauty watching him at work and not shy about making indelicate jokes at his expense if he oversteps his bounds. Though theyve always looked out for one another, their protection used to start and end with their little cliques, so it warms my heart to see my retinue taking the newcomers under their wing.
Also, I love it when issues resolve themselves. It gives me time to figuratively and literally stop to smell the flowers.
Having found the chrysanthemums, Mama Bun hunkers down by her favourite treat and I take a seat to wait. No longer interested in tasting flowers, Blackjack climbs my arm to perch on my shoulder, wiggling his cotton tail as he gauges the distance to Song. Bounding over in a single leap, he lands lightly on her shoulder and scoots up her braid, where he nestles between her cat-ears without disturbing a hair, abandoning my comforting nuzzles for Song because shes a little bit taller.
Okay, like a hand taller, which isnt too too much. Then again, he never tries to climb Luo-Luo whos even taller, so maybe he likes Songs soft tufts of ear fur or her silken hair smells better than my hands. Caught accidentally staring at Songs emerald green eyes, the tension ramps up until I feel obligated to fill the awkward silence. No Defiled attack today, I say, trying to keep things professional. Which means were due for a visit soon enough. With my luck, itll be right as Im falling asleep.
Mm. Responding to my attempt at conversation with a non-committal grunt, Songs expression remains unchanging and gaze unwavering as we sit in the flowers and lock eyes. We never really talk much, and when we do, its usually about tactics, training, or floofs, though it appears shes not in the mood for tactics today, and recently she falls silent whenever the topic of training comes up. Its weird. Everything was fine during our first foray on the front lines, but over the break, Mila kept getting drunk and rambling about how I might be making Song uncomfortable, and now Im uncomfortable because Im worried Im making her uncomfortable. Theres nothing to be read from her stoic expression, neither warm and welcoming nor wary and cautious as she once might have been. Instead, she seems consumed by curiosity, her eyes questioning and head tilted as she searches for... something.
Id be lying if I said I didnt squirm. Not a big fan of intense scrutiny.
Landing in a flutter of feathers, Rocs arrival frees me from Songs probing gaze and I greet the bird with a smile. Hi Roc. Giggling as the massive bird rolls onto his back and stretches his wings, I gather the fatty into my lap and stroke his chin and belly. Did you eat too much again? We still have one more subject of common interest, so theres no harm in trying to make conversation with Song again. If she was uncomfortable, shed leave right? I didnt ask her to follow me around, and shes certainly capable of doing her own thing. Shes probably lonely without Mila, Lin, or Luo-Luo around, though Ive noticed she doesnt get along with Yan very well. No idea why. You know, when we first arrived in Central, I was worried Roc and the others wouldnt know how to survive on their own. Giving Rocs distended belly a soft poke, I chuckle and add, Seems silly now that I think about it.
Unitys binding ceremony aside, I cant remember my last Insight into the Forms. Why? Its a part of my daily routine, but somewhere along the way, I stopped studying them because... because I was impatient. I was so caught up with my Blessing and Blobby, using External Chi and whether Visualization or Intent is better for Chi manipulation, I forgot all about the Forms and the mysteries hidden within. I spend so much time speculating on wild guesses and half-baked theories because Im too eager, too ambitious, and too impatient for more. Im like a kid who just learned to count and is trying to puzzle out quantum physics instead of learning how to add and subtract. Add in all my neurotic tendencies and a rotating host of Spectres lodged in my brain, and well, we got ourselves a mental breakdown stew going.
Just relax. Your retinue will be fine without you fretting over them all the time, and who cares about what the Abbot is doing? Stop worrying about what GangShu will do, youve made your choice, so live with it. Leave the mysteries of animals and Spiritual Hearts for someone else, its a flight of fancy you dont have the time or lifespan to indulge. Im not saying stop asking questions and leave everything to fate, but there are some things outside of your control, so stressing over them accomplishes nothing.
As for becoming stronger? Baatar once told me the Forms hide within them all the knowledge you require in order to do battle. How much of that knowledge have I uncovered? Probably less than a single percent, which makes my desire to move on all the more ridiculous. The answers were right in front of my face all along. Seek nothing, find everything, isnt that how it goes?
Banishing all extraneous thoughts, I calm my mind and focus on nothing, making my way through the Forms, one movement at a time.
And when the last movement fades away, I find Balance already upon me and slip into my Natal Palace, my domain, drawn there by an inkling in the back of my mind I wasnt even aware of until I act upon it. Ignoring the horde of Spectres all but begging me to surrender, my attention fixates on the torrent of Heavenly Energy surging into my Core, invisible and intangible, but the sensation is there. What was once a warm summer breeze in the cool, calming shade has become a constant struggle to keep my head above water, one Ive grown accustomed to in the years since I first put on the Runic Ring. Even after I stopped wearing it, nothing changed. The Energy of the Heavens were once gentle and affectionate, a refreshing, invigorating experience which left me tranquil and content, but now it is more akin to a turbulent river, raging windstorm, blazing inferno, and destructive earthquake all wrapped into one, somehow both exhilarating and calming at the same time.
Its like Im fighting the Energy of the Heavens, trying to keep it from overwhelming me, right until I feel the overwhelming urge to stop struggling and let the power consume me. Why? Others say that to bask in the Energy of the Heavens is to experience the warm embrace of the Mother, but why does it feel so... antagonistic?
Because its resisting. Probably for the same reason Chi returns to Heavenly Energy when released into the world, because thats its natural state, and what I do now is... unnatural? Wait, no. No one else has this problem, so this must be something unique to me. Why?
...Fucking idiot. Youre doing it again, speculating without basis. I cant help it. Its who I am. Still, my gut tells me Im onto something, like I have most of the pieces to the puzzle, but just cant figure out how it all comes together...
From the top. Heavenly Energy goes into my Core and becomes Chi. Chi moves out of my Core and goes back to Heavenly Energy. Heavenly Energy in and Heavenly Energy out. Aside from the name, whats the difference between Chi and Heavenly Energy? No, better question, how do I keep Chi from turning back into Heavenly Energy? Is it possible to... expand my Core outside my body so Chi stays Chi? No, thats stupid. Not my Core, but some type of barrier which cant be Chi. I tried that with Sending and it didnt work, so... what do I make the barrier out of? What else do I have? What am I missing? It feels as if it should be obvious, like the answer is on the tip of my tongue, but I cant figure out what it is...
New topic. Fresh break. Come back to this later.
Animals have Spiritual Hearts. Animals have everlasting life. Left side equals right side, so Spiritual Heart equals immortality?
...No. Break.
Embrace of the Mother. Surrender to the Father. Are they really all that different?
...Probably Spectres. Break.
Fuck Im doing it again, reaching beyond my comprehension. Still, I think I was close to several answers there, but I couldnt quite finish any of my thoughts. Overwhelmed with frustration, Balance slips away and I crawl into bed to rest, but before the blankets even settle over my body, shouts rise throughout camp, warning of an incoming Defiled attack.
What did I say? Just my friggen luck...
Chapter Meme
Chapter Meme 2
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Chapter 432
Ive said this before, and Ill say it again. I dont like Central much.
The cities are dirty and disorganized, the people wear too much makeup and too many accessories, and 99% of the time, the landscape is so flat and uniform its like youre stuck in some boring, clone-stamped purgatory, condemned to wander through the endless boring plains of Central for all eternity. I much prefer the vibrant forests, towering mountains, roaring rivers, and rolling hills of the North, its wild, untamed beauty bearing breathtaking vistas around every corner and over every horizon.
Granted, the province isnt entirely devoid of beauty. Nan Pings bay is a breathtaking sight when not cluttered with hundreds of ships, especially at sunrise and sunset. The bamboo groves are also kinda nice, so long as you only look at the oldest growth and ignore the half-grown and recently harvested areas. Then theres the flower fields, which while few and far between, are an explosion of colour in an otherwise green and blue world. Pink orchids, orange rhododendrons, golden chrysanthemums, and purple lilies, its as if Central were trying to balance out its boring colour palette with a smattering of densely packed meadows filled with more flowers than I can even name.
We passed by one such field on our first patrol three days march from Sinuji, and seeing as our route brought us close by, I decided to stop in again. Not solely because of all the pretty flowers, but also because this is a rare defensible location on the plains of Central. Hemmed in by a roaring river the sand-dwelling Defiled refuse to cross, the flower field lies just south of our encampment, which is how the meadow has remained untouched in the previous months of fighting. To our north is a lotus-studded pond, formed by a naturally constructed dam of stone, mud, and dead vegetation which sits directly west of camp, the only dry approach the Defiled can take if they want to ford the river and attack us. Its not often we find a choke-point on the flat fields of Central, so the first time we passed by, I asked Rustram to note it in his report as a place to retreat to in case things go bad.
I also pressed a whole slew of samples to bring back to study, but sadly, the plants growing here are all mundane and have no purpose besides looking nice, making tea, and feeding bees. No meat pies falling from the sky this time.
Previously, I wasnt sure if anyone read those reports, though now Im almost positive no one does. Its been over two months since we last stopped here and I can still see the signs of our last visit. The furrows in the dirt from where we placed our yurts are still there, the trampled field where the horses grazed and slept has yet to fully recover, and the latrines dug by Jorani are still open at the back of camp. Waking with an adorable snort, Mama Bun struggles out of my arms and hops over to the centre of the field where my yurt once stood and greedily chows down on a lone, sprouting flower. It seems she remembers our last time here, when she romped through the meadow with ravenous delight and gorged on the fresh grown delicacies, though if she was aiming for the buffet line, shes a little off target.
Mama Bun is lucky shes cute, because she is hella dumb.
Curious and filial as always, Blackjack clambers down from the bunny banner and scampers to Mama Buns side, his little nose twitching as he tries to join in on her feast. Sweet Blackjack still sees her as his parent, but Mama Bun is done with raising babies and promptly punts the interloper away from her meal. Heart breaking as the cloud chaser hare screams and tumbles away, I beat Song by a hair and pick him up, nuzzling the poor hare close as he trembles in my hands thanks to Mama Buns cold rebuff. Silly little guy, he doesnt even like veggies and should be on an all-meat diet, but time and time again, Ive seen him chewing the grass and tubers his bunny siblings love so much just to try and fit in.
Though Taduk and Lin would disagree, I think its adorable how Blackjack thinks hes a bunny. He even headbutts his siblings sometimes, though it never ends well once the bigger bunnies headbutt back. At least Tawny One likes him, though shes a little... too affectionate, if you know what I mean.
Bicorn bunnies mature much faster than cloud chaser hares.
After confirming all of Blackjacks fragile bones are intact, I stroke his tiny velvety head and join Song in following Mama Bun around the field, watching the abusive parent enjoy her all-you-can-eat buffet while the quins and turtles go for a swim and my soldiers set camp. Although it feels like Im shirking my duties, lately, Ive become more of a figurehead than actual commander. I mean, everyone obeys my commands without question, but they dont need me barking orders to place tents or form a defensive perimeter. Even Rustram has learned not to micromanage the retinue and instead betrays his inner masochist for all to see, topping off a long day of travel with an intense training session in his weighted armour. People call me crazy, but Ive seen him run into battle and duel Defiled Champions while wearing his cumbersome training gear, which is just all sorts of wrong.
That said, a modicum of supervision still required since former bandits arent exactly known for their discipline. Yimu Juniors lot in particular presents something of a dilemma, so Wang Bao, Bulat, and Ravil stalk the camp in search of infractions to punish. The latter is no longer so enthusiastic in administering them, and for once, I didnt have to do anything to fix it. Ravils newfound composure is probably thanks to Ciros sultry gaze following him about, the ribald beauty watching him at work and not shy about making indelicate jokes at his expense if he oversteps his bounds. Though theyve always looked out for one another, their protection used to start and end with their little cliques, so it warms my heart to see my retinue taking the newcomers under their wing.
Also, I love it when issues resolve themselves. It gives me time to figuratively and literally stop to smell the flowers.
Having found the chrysanthemums, Mama Bun hunkers down by her favourite treat and I take a seat to wait. No longer interested in tasting flowers, Blackjack climbs my arm to perch on my shoulder, wiggling his cotton tail as he gauges the distance to Song. Bounding over in a single leap, he lands lightly on her shoulder and scoots up her braid, where he nestles between her cat-ears without disturbing a hair, abandoning my comforting nuzzles for Song because shes a little bit taller.
Okay, like a hand taller, which isnt too too much. Then again, he never tries to climb Luo-Luo whos even taller, so maybe he likes Songs soft tufts of ear fur or her silken hair smells better than my hands. Caught accidentally staring at Songs emerald green eyes, the tension ramps up until I feel obligated to fill the awkward silence. No Defiled attack today, I say, trying to keep things professional. Which means were due for a visit soon enough. With my luck, itll be right as Im falling asleep.
Mm. Responding to my attempt at conversation with a non-committal grunt, Songs expression remains unchanging and gaze unwavering as we sit in the flowers and lock eyes. We never really talk much, and when we do, its usually about tactics, training, or floofs, though it appears shes not in the mood for tactics today, and recently she falls silent whenever the topic of training comes up. Its weird. Everything was fine during our first foray on the front lines, but over the break, Mila kept getting drunk and rambling about how I might be making Song uncomfortable, and now Im uncomfortable because Im worried Im making her uncomfortable. Theres nothing to be read from her stoic expression, neither warm and welcoming nor wary and cautious as she once might have been. Instead, she seems consumed by curiosity, her eyes questioning and head tilted as she searches for... something.
Id be lying if I said I didnt squirm. Not a big fan of intense scrutiny.
Landing in a flutter of feathers, Rocs arrival frees me from Songs probing gaze and I greet the bird with a smile. Hi Roc. Giggling as the massive bird rolls onto his back and stretches his wings, I gather the fatty into my lap and stroke his chin and belly. Did you eat too much again? We still have one more subject of common interest, so theres no harm in trying to make conversation with Song again. If she was uncomfortable, shed leave right? I didnt ask her to follow me around, and shes certainly capable of doing her own thing. Shes probably lonely without Mila, Lin, or Luo-Luo around, though Ive noticed she doesnt get along with Yan very well. No idea why. You know, when we first arrived in Central, I was worried Roc and the others wouldnt know how to survive on their own. Giving Rocs distended belly a soft poke, I chuckle and add, Seems silly now that I think about it.
Unitys binding ceremony aside, I cant remember my last Insight into the Forms. Why? Its a part of my daily routine, but somewhere along the way, I stopped studying them because... because I was impatient. I was so caught up with my Blessing and Blobby, using External Chi and whether Visualization or Intent is better for Chi manipulation, I forgot all about the Forms and the mysteries hidden within. I spend so much time speculating on wild guesses and half-baked theories because Im too eager, too ambitious, and too impatient for more. Im like a kid who just learned to count and is trying to puzzle out quantum physics instead of learning how to add and subtract. Add in all my neurotic tendencies and a rotating host of Spectres lodged in my brain, and well, we got ourselves a mental breakdown stew going.
Just relax. Your retinue will be fine without you fretting over them all the time, and who cares about what the Abbot is doing? Stop worrying about what GangShu will do, youve made your choice, so live with it. Leave the mysteries of animals and Spiritual Hearts for someone else, its a flight of fancy you dont have the time or lifespan to indulge. Im not saying stop asking questions and leave everything to fate, but there are some things outside of your control, so stressing over them accomplishes nothing.
As for becoming stronger? Baatar once told me the Forms hide within them all the knowledge you require in order to do battle. How much of that knowledge have I uncovered? Probably less than a single percent, which makes my desire to move on all the more ridiculous. The answers were right in front of my face all along. Seek nothing, find everything, isnt that how it goes?
Banishing all extraneous thoughts, I calm my mind and focus on nothing, making my way through the Forms, one movement at a time.
And when the last movement fades away, I find Balance already upon me and slip into my Natal Palace, my domain, drawn there by an inkling in the back of my mind I wasnt even aware of until I act upon it. Ignoring the horde of Spectres all but begging me to surrender, my attention fixates on the torrent of Heavenly Energy surging into my Core, invisible and intangible, but the sensation is there. What was once a warm summer breeze in the cool, calming shade has become a constant struggle to keep my head above water, one Ive grown accustomed to in the years since I first put on the Runic Ring. Even after I stopped wearing it, nothing changed. The Energy of the Heavens were once gentle and affectionate, a refreshing, invigorating experience which left me tranquil and content, but now it is more akin to a turbulent river, raging windstorm, blazing inferno, and destructive earthquake all wrapped into one, somehow both exhilarating and calming at the same time.
Its like Im fighting the Energy of the Heavens, trying to keep it from overwhelming me, right until I feel the overwhelming urge to stop struggling and let the power consume me. Why? Others say that to bask in the Energy of the Heavens is to experience the warm embrace of the Mother, but why does it feel so... antagonistic?
Because its resisting. Probably for the same reason Chi returns to Heavenly Energy when released into the world, because thats its natural state, and what I do now is... unnatural? Wait, no. No one else has this problem, so this must be something unique to me. Why?
...Fucking idiot. Youre doing it again, speculating without basis. I cant help it. Its who I am. Still, my gut tells me Im onto something, like I have most of the pieces to the puzzle, but just cant figure out how it all comes together...
From the top. Heavenly Energy goes into my Core and becomes Chi. Chi moves out of my Core and goes back to Heavenly Energy. Heavenly Energy in and Heavenly Energy out. Aside from the name, whats the difference between Chi and Heavenly Energy? No, better question, how do I keep Chi from turning back into Heavenly Energy? Is it possible to... expand my Core outside my body so Chi stays Chi? No, thats stupid. Not my Core, but some type of barrier which cant be Chi. I tried that with Sending and it didnt work, so... what do I make the barrier out of? What else do I have? What am I missing? It feels as if it should be obvious, like the answer is on the tip of my tongue, but I cant figure out what it is...
New topic. Fresh break. Come back to this later.
Animals have Spiritual Hearts. Animals have everlasting life. Left side equals right side, so Spiritual Heart equals immortality?
...No. Break.
Embrace of the Mother. Surrender to the Father. Are they really all that different?
...Probably Spectres. Break.
Fuck Im doing it again, reaching beyond my comprehension. Still, I think I was close to several answers there, but I couldnt quite finish any of my thoughts. Overwhelmed with frustration, Balance slips away and I crawl into bed to rest, but before the blankets even settle over my body, shouts rise throughout camp, warning of an incoming Defiled attack.
What did I say? Just my friggen luck...
Chapter Meme
Chapter Meme 2
Chapter 432Ive said this before, and Ill say it again. I dont like Central much.The cities are dirty and disorganized, the people wear too much makeup and too many accessories, and 99% of the time, the landscape is so flat and uniform its like youre stuck in some boring, clone-stamped purgatory, condemned to wander through the endless boring plains of Central for all eternity. I much prefer the vibrant forests, towering mountains, roaring rivers, and rolling hills of the North, its wild, untamed beauty bearing breathtaking vistas around every corner and over every horizon.Granted, the province isnt entirely devoid of beauty. Nan Pings bay is a breathtaking sight when not cluttered with hundreds of ships, especially at sunrise and sunset. The bamboo groves are also kinda nice, so long as you only look at the oldest growth and ignore the half-grown and recently harvested areas. Then theres the flower fields, which while few and far between, are an explosion of colour in an otherwise green and blue world. Pink orchids, orange rhododendrons, golden chrysanthemums, and purple lilies, its as if Central were trying to balance out its boring colour palette with a smattering of densely packed meadows filled with more flowers than I can even name.We passed by one such field on our first patrol three days march from Sinuji, and seeing as our route brought us close by, I decided to stop in again. Not solely because of all the pretty flowers, but also because this is a rare defensible location on the plains of Central. Hemmed in by a roaring river the sand-dwelling Defiled refuse to cross, the flower field lies just south of our encampment, which is how the meadow has remained untouched in the previous months of fighting. To our north is a lotus-studded pond, formed by a naturally constructed dam of stone, mud, and dead vegetation which sits directly west of camp, the only dry approach the Defiled can take if they want to ford the river and attack us. Its not often we find a choke-point on the flat fields of Central, so the first time we passed by, I asked Rustram to note it in his report as a place to retreat to in case things go bad.I also pressed a whole slew of samples to bring back to study, but sadly, the plants growing here are all mundane and have no purpose besides looking nice, making tea, and feeding bees. No meat pies falling from the sky this time.Previously, I wasnt sure if anyone read those reports, though now Im almost positive no one does. Its been over two months since we last stopped here and I can still see the signs of our last visit. The furrows in the dirt from where we placed our yurts are still there, the trampled field where the horses grazed and slept has yet to fully recover, and the latrines dug by Jorani are still open at the back of camp. Waking with an adorable snort, Mama Bun struggles out of my arms and hops over to the centre of the field where my yurt once stood and greedily chows down on a lone, sprouting flower. It seems she remembers our last time here, when she romped through the meadow with ravenous delight and gorged on the fresh grown delicacies, though if she was aiming for the buffet line, shes a little off target.Mama Bun is lucky shes cute, because she is hella dumb.Curious and filial as always, Blackjack clambers down from the bunny banner and scampers to Mama Buns side, his little nose twitching as he tries to join in on her feast. Sweet Blackjack still sees her as his parent, but Mama Bun is done with raising babies and promptly punts the interloper away from her meal. Heart breaking as the cloud chaser hare screams and tumbles away, I beat Song by a hair and pick him up, nuzzling the poor hare close as he trembles in my hands thanks to Mama Buns cold rebuff. Silly little guy, he doesnt even like veggies and should be on an all-meat diet, but time and time again, Ive seen him chewing the grass and tubers his bunny siblings love so much just to try and fit in.Though Taduk and Lin would disagree, I think its adorable how Blackjack thinks hes a bunny. He even headbutts his siblings sometimes, though it never ends well once the bigger bunnies headbutt back. At least Tawny One likes him, though shes a little... too affectionate, if you know what I mean.Bicorn bunnies mature much faster than cloud chaser hares.After confirming all of Blackjacks fragile bones are intact, I stroke his tiny velvety head and join Song in following Mama Bun around the field, watching the abusive parent enjoy her all-you-can-eat buffet while the quins and turtles go for a swim and my soldiers set camp. Although it feels like Im shirking my duties, lately, Ive become more of a figurehead than actual commander. I mean, everyone obeys my commands without question, but they dont need me barking orders to place tents or form a defensive perimeter. Even Rustram has learned not to micromanage the retinue and instead betrays his inner masochist for all to see, topping off a long day of travel with an intense training session in his weighted armour. People call me crazy, but Ive seen him run into battle and duel Defiled Champions while wearing his cumbersome training gear, which is just all sorts of wrong.That said, a modicum of supervision still required since former bandits arent exactly known for their discipline. Yimu Juniors lot in particular presents something of a dilemma, so Wang Bao, Bulat, and Ravil stalk the camp in search of infractions to punish. The latter is no longer so enthusiastic in administering them, and for once, I didnt have to do anything to fix it. Ravils newfound composure is probably thanks to Ciros sultry gaze following him about, the ribald beauty watching him at work and not shy about making indelicate jokes at his expense if he oversteps his bounds. Though theyve always looked out for one another, their protection used to start and end with their little cliques, so it warms my heart to see my retinue taking the newcomers under their wing.Also, I love it when issues resolve themselves. It gives me time to figuratively and literally stop to smell the flowers.Having found the chrysanthemums, Mama Bun hunkers down by her favourite treat and I take a seat to wait. No longer interested in tasting flowers, Blackjack climbs my arm to perch on my shoulder, wiggling his cotton tail as he gauges the distance to Song. Bounding over in a single leap, he lands lightly on her shoulder and scoots up her braid, where he nestles between her cat-ears without disturbing a hair, abandoning my comforting nuzzles for Song because shes a little bit taller.Okay, like a hand taller, which isnt too too much. Then again, he never tries to climb Luo-Luo whos even taller, so maybe he likes Songs soft tufts of ear fur or her silken hair smells better than my hands. Caught accidentally staring at Songs emerald green eyes, the tension ramps up until I feel obligated to fill the awkward silence. No Defiled attack today, I say, trying to keep things professional. Which means were due for a visit soon enough. With my luck, itll be right as Im falling asleep.Mm. Responding to my attempt at conversation with a non-committal grunt, Songs expression remains unchanging and gaze unwavering as we sit in the flowers and lock eyes. We never really talk much, and when we do, its usually about tactics, training, or floofs, though it appears shes not in the mood for tactics today, and recently she falls silent whenever the topic of training comes up. Its weird. Everything was fine during our first foray on the front lines, but over the break, Mila kept getting drunk and rambling about how I might be making Song uncomfortable, and now Im uncomfortable because Im worried Im making her uncomfortable. Theres nothing to be read from her stoic expression, neither warm and welcoming nor wary and cautious as she once might have been. Instead, she seems consumed by curiosity, her eyes questioning and head tilted as she searches for... something.Id be lying if I said I didnt squirm. Not a big fan of intense scrutiny.Landing in a flutter of feathers, Rocs arrival frees me from Songs probing gaze and I greet the bird with a smile. Hi Roc. Giggling as the massive bird rolls onto his back and stretches his wings, I gather the fatty into my lap and stroke his chin and belly. Did you eat too much again? We still have one more subject of common interest, so theres no harm in trying to make conversation with Song again. If she was uncomfortable, shed leave right? I didnt ask her to follow me around, and shes certainly capable of doing her own thing. Shes probably lonely without Mila, Lin, or Luo-Luo around, though Ive noticed she doesnt get along with Yan very well. No idea why. You know, when we first arrived in Central, I was worried Roc and the others wouldnt know how to survive on their own. Giving Rocs distended belly a soft poke, I chuckle and add, Seems silly now that I think about it.Unitys binding ceremony aside, I cant remember my last Insight into the Forms. Why? Its a part of my daily routine, but somewhere along the way, I stopped studying them because... because I was impatient. I was so caught up with my Blessing and Blobby, using External Chi and whether Visualization or Intent is better for Chi manipulation, I forgot all about the Forms and the mysteries hidden within. I spend so much time speculating on wild guesses and half-baked theories because Im too eager, too ambitious, and too impatient for more. Im like a kid who just learned to count and is trying to puzzle out quantum physics instead of learning how to add and subtract. Add in all my neurotic tendencies and a rotating host of Spectres lodged in my brain, and well, we got ourselves a mental breakdown stew going.Just relax. Your retinue will be fine without you fretting over them all the time, and who cares about what the Abbot is doing? Stop worrying about what GangShu will do, youve made your choice, so live with it. Leave the mysteries of animals and Spiritual Hearts for someone else, its a flight of fancy you dont have the time or lifespan to indulge. Im not saying stop asking questions and leave everything to fate, but there are some things outside of your control, so stressing over them accomplishes nothing.As for becoming stronger? Baatar once told me the Forms hide within them all the knowledge you require in order to do battle. How much of that knowledge have I uncovered? Probably less than a single percent, which makes my desire to move on all the more ridiculous. The answers were right in front of my face all along. Seek nothing, find everything, isnt that how it goes?Banishing all extraneous thoughts, I calm my mind and focus on nothing, making my way through the Forms, one movement at a time.And when the last movement fades away, I find Balance already upon me and slip into my Natal Palace, my domain, drawn there by an inkling in the back of my mind I wasnt even aware of until I act upon it. Ignoring the horde of Spectres all but begging me to surrender, my attention fixates on the torrent of Heavenly Energy surging into my Core, invisible and intangible, but the sensation is there. What was once a warm summer breeze in the cool, calming shade has become a constant struggle to keep my head above water, one Ive grown accustomed to in the years since I first put on the Runic Ring. Even after I stopped wearing it, nothing changed. The Energy of the Heavens were once gentle and affectionate, a refreshing, invigorating experience which left me tranquil and content, but now it is more akin to a turbulent river, raging windstorm, blazing inferno, and destructive earthquake all wrapped into one, somehow both exhilarating and calming at the same time.Its like Im fighting the Energy of the Heavens, trying to keep it from overwhelming me, right until I feel the overwhelming urge to stop struggling and let the power consume me. Why? Others say that to bask in the Energy of the Heavens is to experience the warm embrace of the Mother, but why does it feel so... antagonistic?Because its resisting. Probably for the same reason Chi returns to Heavenly Energy when released into the world, because thats its natural state, and what I do now is... unnatural? Wait, no. No one else has this problem, so this must be something unique to me. Why?...Fucking idiot. Youre doing it again, speculating without basis. I cant help it. Its who I am. Still, my gut tells me Im onto something, like I have most of the pieces to the puzzle, but just cant figure out how it all comes together...From the top. Heavenly Energy goes into my Core and becomes Chi. Chi moves out of my Core and goes back to Heavenly Energy. Heavenly Energy in and Heavenly Energy out. Aside from the name, whats the difference between Chi and Heavenly Energy? No, better question, how do I keep Chi from turning back into Heavenly Energy? Is it possible to... expand my Core outside my body so Chi stays Chi? No, thats stupid. Not my Core, but some type of barrier which cant be Chi. I tried that with Sending and it didnt work, so... what do I make the barrier out of? What else do I have? What am I missing? It feels as if it should be obvious, like the answer is on the tip of my tongue, but I cant figure out what it is...New topic. Fresh break. Come back to this later.Animals have Spiritual Hearts. Animals have everlasting life. Left side equals right side, so Spiritual Heart equals immortality?...No. Break.Embrace of the Mother. Surrender to the Father. Are they really all that different?...Probably Spectres. Break.Fuck Im doing it again, reaching beyond my comprehension. Still, I think I was close to several answers there, but I couldnt quite finish any of my thoughts. Overwhelmed with frustration, Balance slips away and I crawl into bed to rest, but before the blankets even settle over my body, shouts rise throughout camp, warning of an incoming Defiled attack.What did I say? Just my friggen luck...Chapter MemeChapter Meme 2
