Chapter 463
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Chapter 463
They say your life flashes before your eyes when youre about to die, but Ive never found this to be true.
Usually, Im too busy trying not to shit my pants and stay alive instead of reminiscing of fond memories, but seeing how Not-Gen refuses to let go while hes busy turning into a Demon and my life is essentially over, a little introspection couldnt hurt. Its not like I have much of a life to go over seeing how Ive only got seven and a half years of memories, starting from the day I arrived in this world as a short, scrawny, amber-eyed kid with memories of a different life and a skull-splitting headache. Chained to a wooden post inside a dirty, dark pen, I awaited my turn to be sold to the highest bidder, so afraid and confused I dont even remember how much I was sold for, and while things eventually got better, things got a whole lot worse first. Ive come a long way and forgotten a great deal since those hellish days in the mines, but I will always remember the fear and confusion of those first few hours, and no matter how much I wish it were otherwise, I will never forget the pain and suffering which followed.
From the first day I opened my eyes in those slave pens, theres only one thing Ive been 100% certain of: I dont belong in this world. Pretty sure the world knows it too, which is probably why it hates me. My issues with Balance, the calm and the storm, my lacking Insights and Awakening, all of this was the world rejecting me. I know this now, because there is no calm and no storm anymore as everything I worked for, everything I claimed for myself, returns unto the world. There is no void and no bedroom within it, no nightstand upon which the wooden goblet sits. Bereft of their vessels, my Chi and Keystones have already dissipated into nothingness, while my claimed Heavenly Energy is no longer mine and flows away along with all the hopes and dreams I hinged upon it. Though intangible, I can feel everything I collected from cleansed Spectres seeping out of my broken Core in drips and drabs, months of hard-earned efforts and thousands of lives going to waste, including the lives of my soldiers. Soon, nothing will remain except my memories and regrets, and even those will be lost when my life comes to an end.
I shouldve gone to see Mom sooner so Taduk could Heal her with Heavenly Energy. My family has given me so much and Ive been nothing but a burden from start to finish. Now, its too late to help them with even a single thing, but at least my death will free them from the stress and hardship which comes with being a part of my life. Theyre tough people, so even though my death will hurt them, theyll get over it soon enough, even sweet Tali and Tate. Mom will eventually recover her full strength on her own, and Dad will be over the moon to have his wife in good health and reputation in good standing. They both still have a magnificent daughter who will make them proud, not to mention a humble son-in-law who will do anything to make his wife happy. Akanai and Husolt will be strong as always, there to console Mila whos not as tough as she pretends to be, but theyll get through it together. Yan has her Grandpa and big brother Kyung, and Luo-Luo will probably dance with joy when she hears Im gone, so I have nothing to worry about there. Song will probably stoically wait for someone to claim her chain before running back to SuiHua to claim my floofs. The only ones who worry me are Taduk and Lin, but Im sure the rest of my family will pitch in to help out, because thats what family does. Eventually, all the people in my life will move on, and Ill be a fond memory they talk about every once in a while, instead of the giant dumpster fire they have to go put out at least once a week.
Look at that. My whole life covered in the blink of an eye.
Seven and a half years of hardship and suffering, struggle and conflict, trials and fucking tribulations, all for nothing. Their blades melted and gone, the ruined remains of my Spiritual Weapons drop to the ground where they ring ever so slightly in a final death keen before falling silent. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, they were mine and mine alone, each one a part of me in body and spirit, a physical extension of my metaphysical self. More than just weapons, they were the tools with which I would use to survive in this harsh and unforgiving world, but now they are nothing more than trash to be tossed aside or melted for scrap, leaving me kneeling here broken within, and broken without.
But wait, theres more. In case the emotional pain isnt enough to render me helpless, theres a deluge of physical pain accompanying it. Emptied of Chi and left to face the world without its protection, I become all too aware of how reliant Ive become on mystical strength and toughness to survive on this hellish world. My head is so heavy I can barely keep my chin off my chest, and having my arms held up strains my muscles so much theyre liable to rip. As if reading my mind, Not-Gen releases my arms and they drop to my sides like leaden weights, splashing heavily in the bloody mud to send a fresh wave of torment through me. Though soft and wet, the mud has the texture of broken glass, or at least thats what my Chi-deprived hands think. Even gravity seems more forceful than usual, and every breath I draw is misery and suffering as my organs protest at the movement and my lungs struggle to inflate. The sun, the wind, and even the cotton shirt under my armour burns, stings, and chafes against my skin, a minor discomfort in the grand scheme of things, but this more than anything spells out my lot in life.
The world hates me. Without the ability to steal Heavenly Energy and convert it to Chi for personal use, I cant even survive direct sunlight for too long. Without a Core, Im weaker than a basic commoner, because unlike me, theyve been accepted by the world and granted a measure of resistance from the worst it has to offer. Peasants are weak, but I am a whole level below them in feebleness.
At least I wont have to suffer for long.
No ones coming to save me. They saw what happened and they also know Im better off dead. Thats why my protectors havent stepped up to help, why they left me kneeling before the transforming Not-Gen in complete and utter silence. Theyll wait for me to die, then come avenge me, because no one wants to look after a cripple, especially one who had so much promise. If I survive, Ill be nothing more than a reminder of what was lost, a living representation of failure and a burden to all who love me.
Death would be a mercy.
Or... perhaps theres still hope.
My Core is destroyed and my Martial Path crippled, but this isnt the only path to power in this world.
Do the Defiled have Cores? Or do they find power a different way? I cant Devour Spectres without the void, but... I could let them in. I can handle the whispers, especially since vigour and resilience are part and parcel of the Defiled package. I wouldnt even have to stay Defiled forever. Mahakala said there was a way back, and Im willing to bet the benefits remain. Whereas Martial Warriors mostly use Chi to augment their natural strength, Defiled seem to use Spectres to boost their basic stats. True, most Martial Warriors also get big and beefy, but thats not automatic, else Id be a towering giant by now.
Even if turning Defiled is a path of no return, why shouldnt I take the leap? Whats stopping me? Morality? Why should morality supersede survival? This is a matter of life and death, and if given the choice, why would I ever accept death?
I deserve to live. I deserve to be free. I have struggled and endured for all my life, and Ive gotten nothing for all my hard work. Maybe its time I tried something different for a change.
It would be so easy. No hardship, no vagueness, just strength for surrender. Real, tangible strength, strength Ive known before, like when I faced Laughing Dragon and his cronies on the shores of Western Treasures lake. That was me. I could have it again. I could be a Warrior even with my Core shattered and body crippled. I remember it clearly, the Energy of the Heavens flowing through my body as I fought and killed all who stood against me. Power bent to my will and the Forms unravelled within in my mind, invincible and unstoppable until there were none left to challenge, a veritable force of nature given flesh.
Gods I was strong then. Khishigs on an open field, Ned!
...
Hahaha...
Overcome by mirth, my low chuckle builds into a hearty laugh as I raise my head to the Heavens, tears streaming from my eyes at the sheer stupidity of it all. Here I kneel, crippled and about to die, and still my brain thinks its an appropriate time to make pop culture references. How can I not laugh?
The inferno burst apart in an explosion of steam and smoke, and the blackened form of Falling Rain emerged from the obscuring clouds. Ensconced in a sphere of streaming water, it flowed about him in a protective field to guard against further attack, but little remained of our valiant young hero aside from charred tissue and scorched bone. The sight elicited bewildered gasps and heart-rending screams from all who saw his horrific plight, but true to his title of the Undying, Falling Rains grievous injuries gave way to healthy flesh as he regenerated before our eyes, Healing himself from the brink of death as only a Student of the Medical Saint could. A testament to his fortitude, Falling Rain refused to cower behind his defences or flee for safety, though none would blame him if he did, for he had only just survived by the slimmest of margins. Bearing grisly wounds which would have incapacitated even the greatest of Warriors, Falling Rain raised his shrivelled, burnt arm and hurled a lance of piercing water at the Emissary, and the two fated foes joined battle in earnest.
Clouds of smoke and flashes of light veiled their duel in shadow, the Mother and Father clashing through their chosen instruments, but it was not a battle fated to last long. Overhead, the shriek of metal and air drew all eyes towards it as a shooting star descended from the Heavens and slew a powerful Demon, one who only moments before stood ready to dispatch a fallen Bekhai Expert. Only then did we realize reinforcements had arrived, ten-thousand strong riding to Sinujis rescue on quin-back. Many have heard the idiom, A tiger father begets a tiger son, but the same rings true for a dragon mother, for it was Mountain Rose Sarnais spear which slew the Demon before returning to her hand, only to be cast out once again. One throw, one kill as she rode to her sons aid, slaughtering Demons from a thousand paces despite still recovering from heavy injuries suffered in defence of the Empire.
Not to be outdone, the Bloody-Fanged Wolf dropped from the skies and landed with a crash, his hair-raising howl of fury chilling the blood of friend and foe alike. Unstoppable in his rage, Demons fell like cabbages before Major General Baatars Bloody Fang and Crescent Moon, wielding sword and pole-axe with consummate skill as he braved fire and Ichor without flinching to save his beloved son. Joined by other Peak Experts of the Bekhai and Empire, they fought their way through the pack of Demons and Defiled to reach Falling Rains side and sent the Enemy fleeing before Imperial Might. Mere moments after their hasty retreat, the storm-clouds burst overhead and unleashed a deluge of rainfall to celebrate the safe rescue of their young namesake.
And thus, the Mothers Chosen son survived to fight another day, broken, but undefeated.
-An excerpt from The Storm over Sinuji, a saga of Falling Rain, as written by Han BoShui
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blinking the darkness out of my eyes, Im treated to the sight of my beloved family, all hovering about with smiles and tears a plenty. Kissing my left hand, Yan nuzzles it against her cheek while Mom squeezes my other hand tight, smoothing the scratchy blankets over my chest. Alsantset and Charok stand behind her, holding each other close in visible relief, my older sister unable to decide if she should hug or hit me while Charok beams with pride. Arms interlocked with Song, Mila and Lins beautiful smiles sandwich the lovely cat-girls scowl, while Taduk rests his chin next to my pillow and sighs in relief, his joy warring with exhaustion from keeping me alive. Kneeling beside him, Dad strokes my hair ever so gently while wearing the biggest smile Ive ever seen on his stony expression. Good, he says, nodding in heartfelt approval. You survived. Good.
Wracking my brain for memories, I draw a complete blank after being engulfed in fire and ask my family to fill me in. Upon hearing their tales of how they fought off an army of Demons and my awesome, water-wielding prowess, I try to summon Heavenly Energy to do my bidding only to draw hellish torment and suffering upon me. Once my screaming and flailing dies down, Taduk pats my cheek and soothes my pain with his Healing touch. Dont try to use Chi, Rain my boy. Your Weapons are broken and Core shattered, so leave it be. You wouldnt try to walk with two broken legs, or lift anything with two broken arms, yes?
Swallowing my pain, I gasp, Then how did I...? Will I... Silence falls over the tent and no answer is forthcoming, because they dont know either. The pity and sorrow hurts almost as much as trying to use Chi, so I clear my throat and try to lighten the mood. Well, I may be a cripple, but at least Im a rich cripple. No one laughs and Mom breaks the awkward silence by insisting I drink some water. Agonizing as it is to sit up, its not so bad once the moving is done with and the room stops spinning. With Dad propping me up, I drink deep from the cup and realize how thirsty I really am, draining two more cups before Mom tells me to take it easy and rest. Leaning against Dads shoulder instead of lying back down, I change the subject and ask, How did you all get here so quickly? We were expecting reinforcements, but Dad shouldve been stationed five days march away and we only learned about the Defiled army three days ago. Even if he set out the minute he got the message, theres no way he couldve made it here so soon.
Blinking in muted surprise, Dad tilts his head and his wolf ears flop to one side. We left as soon as we received word. After a moment of shared confusion, understanding dawns and he laughs, a cheerful sound I dont often hear. What I mean to say is, we left as soon as we received word from you. Reaching into his pouch, Dad unfurls a letter for me to read, the letter I wrote upon returning to Sinuji a week ago, telling them how I made Gulong remove his own tongue and asking for advice, as per Hongjis suggestion. Luckily for us, Tursinai wasted no time delivering it, else I fear we might not have made it in time.
Going by the time line, Dad isnt exaggerating when he says he left right away. ...Wait. You rode out with an army because I said I was worried the Society might act against me? Not that Im complaining, but it seems a bit much, no?
Rolling his eyes, Baatar scoffs. I wanted to empty the citadel of cavalry and rush to your aid, but Nian Zu would not allow it, because he does not know you like I do. Reaching out to stroke my hair again, he chuckles and adds, You are stubborn and intractable, and you never ask for help, so when I read your letter, I knew the situation must be dire indeed.
Smiling so wide my cheeks hurt, I happily accept the pain and sink into Dads chest, knowing Im safe with my family here to protect me. This is where I belong, wherever I have loved ones to be with. Im crippled, but alive, which beats the hell out of dead and whole, and its not like Im utterly without hope. Theres at least one person who broke a Spiritual Weapon and went on to become a Peak Expert, so even if I never reach those staggering heights, theres a good chance I make it out of this whole. Besides, I totally remember forming a Domain, and while Im not entirely sure how it works without a Core, Natal Palace, or Aura, Ill figure it out with some help. Plus, theres all the stuff I did while I was unconscious, namely forming Water Shields and Water Spears while keeping myself alive while burnt to the bone, so Im probably still secretly awesome somehow.
It took seven and half years to get where I am, so if I have to do it all again, itll probably only take half as long, if not less. And Ill have bear hands too, soon as I figure out how to quasi-demonize... Hell, by this time next year, I bet Ill be back on the front lines fighting again.
...
Maybe I shouldnt be in such a big rush to recover and take some time for myself. I deserve a little R&R, and its not like the Empire wont survive without me.
...
Fuck it. Even if the Empire doesnt survive, I dont give a shit. So long as my family makes it out okay, then the Empire can go to hell.
Chapter Meme
Chapter Meme 2
- End of Volume 25 -
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Chapter 463
They say your life flashes before your eyes when youre about to die, but Ive never found this to be true.
Usually, Im too busy trying not to shit my pants and stay alive instead of reminiscing of fond memories, but seeing how Not-Gen refuses to let go while hes busy turning into a Demon and my life is essentially over, a little introspection couldnt hurt. Its not like I have much of a life to go over seeing how Ive only got seven and a half years of memories, starting from the day I arrived in this world as a short, scrawny, amber-eyed kid with memories of a different life and a skull-splitting headache. Chained to a wooden post inside a dirty, dark pen, I awaited my turn to be sold to the highest bidder, so afraid and confused I dont even remember how much I was sold for, and while things eventually got better, things got a whole lot worse first. Ive come a long way and forgotten a great deal since those hellish days in the mines, but I will always remember the fear and confusion of those first few hours, and no matter how much I wish it were otherwise, I will never forget the pain and suffering which followed.
From the first day I opened my eyes in those slave pens, theres only one thing Ive been 100% certain of: I dont belong in this world. Pretty sure the world knows it too, which is probably why it hates me. My issues with Balance, the calm and the storm, my lacking Insights and Awakening, all of this was the world rejecting me. I know this now, because there is no calm and no storm anymore as everything I worked for, everything I claimed for myself, returns unto the world. There is no void and no bedroom within it, no nightstand upon which the wooden goblet sits. Bereft of their vessels, my Chi and Keystones have already dissipated into nothingness, while my claimed Heavenly Energy is no longer mine and flows away along with all the hopes and dreams I hinged upon it. Though intangible, I can feel everything I collected from cleansed Spectres seeping out of my broken Core in drips and drabs, months of hard-earned efforts and thousands of lives going to waste, including the lives of my soldiers. Soon, nothing will remain except my memories and regrets, and even those will be lost when my life comes to an end.
I shouldve gone to see Mom sooner so Taduk could Heal her with Heavenly Energy. My family has given me so much and Ive been nothing but a burden from start to finish. Now, its too late to help them with even a single thing, but at least my death will free them from the stress and hardship which comes with being a part of my life. Theyre tough people, so even though my death will hurt them, theyll get over it soon enough, even sweet Tali and Tate. Mom will eventually recover her full strength on her own, and Dad will be over the moon to have his wife in good health and reputation in good standing. They both still have a magnificent daughter who will make them proud, not to mention a humble son-in-law who will do anything to make his wife happy. Akanai and Husolt will be strong as always, there to console Mila whos not as tough as she pretends to be, but theyll get through it together. Yan has her Grandpa and big brother Kyung, and Luo-Luo will probably dance with joy when she hears Im gone, so I have nothing to worry about there. Song will probably stoically wait for someone to claim her chain before running back to SuiHua to claim my floofs. The only ones who worry me are Taduk and Lin, but Im sure the rest of my family will pitch in to help out, because thats what family does. Eventually, all the people in my life will move on, and Ill be a fond memory they talk about every once in a while, instead of the giant dumpster fire they have to go put out at least once a week.
Look at that. My whole life covered in the blink of an eye.
Seven and a half years of hardship and suffering, struggle and conflict, trials and fucking tribulations, all for nothing. Their blades melted and gone, the ruined remains of my Spiritual Weapons drop to the ground where they ring ever so slightly in a final death keen before falling silent. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, they were mine and mine alone, each one a part of me in body and spirit, a physical extension of my metaphysical self. More than just weapons, they were the tools with which I would use to survive in this harsh and unforgiving world, but now they are nothing more than trash to be tossed aside or melted for scrap, leaving me kneeling here broken within, and broken without.
But wait, theres more. In case the emotional pain isnt enough to render me helpless, theres a deluge of physical pain accompanying it. Emptied of Chi and left to face the world without its protection, I become all too aware of how reliant Ive become on mystical strength and toughness to survive on this hellish world. My head is so heavy I can barely keep my chin off my chest, and having my arms held up strains my muscles so much theyre liable to rip. As if reading my mind, Not-Gen releases my arms and they drop to my sides like leaden weights, splashing heavily in the bloody mud to send a fresh wave of torment through me. Though soft and wet, the mud has the texture of broken glass, or at least thats what my Chi-deprived hands think. Even gravity seems more forceful than usual, and every breath I draw is misery and suffering as my organs protest at the movement and my lungs struggle to inflate. The sun, the wind, and even the cotton shirt under my armour burns, stings, and chafes against my skin, a minor discomfort in the grand scheme of things, but this more than anything spells out my lot in life.
The world hates me. Without the ability to steal Heavenly Energy and convert it to Chi for personal use, I cant even survive direct sunlight for too long. Without a Core, Im weaker than a basic commoner, because unlike me, theyve been accepted by the world and granted a measure of resistance from the worst it has to offer. Peasants are weak, but I am a whole level below them in feebleness.
At least I wont have to suffer for long.
No ones coming to save me. They saw what happened and they also know Im better off dead. Thats why my protectors havent stepped up to help, why they left me kneeling before the transforming Not-Gen in complete and utter silence. Theyll wait for me to die, then come avenge me, because no one wants to look after a cripple, especially one who had so much promise. If I survive, Ill be nothing more than a reminder of what was lost, a living representation of failure and a burden to all who love me.
Death would be a mercy.
Or... perhaps theres still hope.
My Core is destroyed and my Martial Path crippled, but this isnt the only path to power in this world.
Do the Defiled have Cores? Or do they find power a different way? I cant Devour Spectres without the void, but... I could let them in. I can handle the whispers, especially since vigour and resilience are part and parcel of the Defiled package. I wouldnt even have to stay Defiled forever. Mahakala said there was a way back, and Im willing to bet the benefits remain. Whereas Martial Warriors mostly use Chi to augment their natural strength, Defiled seem to use Spectres to boost their basic stats. True, most Martial Warriors also get big and beefy, but thats not automatic, else Id be a towering giant by now.
Even if turning Defiled is a path of no return, why shouldnt I take the leap? Whats stopping me? Morality? Why should morality supersede survival? This is a matter of life and death, and if given the choice, why would I ever accept death?
I deserve to live. I deserve to be free. I have struggled and endured for all my life, and Ive gotten nothing for all my hard work. Maybe its time I tried something different for a change.
It would be so easy. No hardship, no vagueness, just strength for surrender. Real, tangible strength, strength Ive known before, like when I faced Laughing Dragon and his cronies on the shores of Western Treasures lake. That was me. I could have it again. I could be a Warrior even with my Core shattered and body crippled. I remember it clearly, the Energy of the Heavens flowing through my body as I fought and killed all who stood against me. Power bent to my will and the Forms unravelled within in my mind, invincible and unstoppable until there were none left to challenge, a veritable force of nature given flesh.
Gods I was strong then. Khishigs on an open field, Ned!
...
Hahaha...
Overcome by mirth, my low chuckle builds into a hearty laugh as I raise my head to the Heavens, tears streaming from my eyes at the sheer stupidity of it all. Here I kneel, crippled and about to die, and still my brain thinks its an appropriate time to make pop culture references. How can I not laugh?
The inferno burst apart in an explosion of steam and smoke, and the blackened form of Falling Rain emerged from the obscuring clouds. Ensconced in a sphere of streaming water, it flowed about him in a protective field to guard against further attack, but little remained of our valiant young hero aside from charred tissue and scorched bone. The sight elicited bewildered gasps and heart-rending screams from all who saw his horrific plight, but true to his title of the Undying, Falling Rains grievous injuries gave way to healthy flesh as he regenerated before our eyes, Healing himself from the brink of death as only a Student of the Medical Saint could. A testament to his fortitude, Falling Rain refused to cower behind his defences or flee for safety, though none would blame him if he did, for he had only just survived by the slimmest of margins. Bearing grisly wounds which would have incapacitated even the greatest of Warriors, Falling Rain raised his shrivelled, burnt arm and hurled a lance of piercing water at the Emissary, and the two fated foes joined battle in earnest.
Clouds of smoke and flashes of light veiled their duel in shadow, the Mother and Father clashing through their chosen instruments, but it was not a battle fated to last long. Overhead, the shriek of metal and air drew all eyes towards it as a shooting star descended from the Heavens and slew a powerful Demon, one who only moments before stood ready to dispatch a fallen Bekhai Expert. Only then did we realize reinforcements had arrived, ten-thousand strong riding to Sinujis rescue on quin-back. Many have heard the idiom, A tiger father begets a tiger son, but the same rings true for a dragon mother, for it was Mountain Rose Sarnais spear which slew the Demon before returning to her hand, only to be cast out once again. One throw, one kill as she rode to her sons aid, slaughtering Demons from a thousand paces despite still recovering from heavy injuries suffered in defence of the Empire.
Not to be outdone, the Bloody-Fanged Wolf dropped from the skies and landed with a crash, his hair-raising howl of fury chilling the blood of friend and foe alike. Unstoppable in his rage, Demons fell like cabbages before Major General Baatars Bloody Fang and Crescent Moon, wielding sword and pole-axe with consummate skill as he braved fire and Ichor without flinching to save his beloved son. Joined by other Peak Experts of the Bekhai and Empire, they fought their way through the pack of Demons and Defiled to reach Falling Rains side and sent the Enemy fleeing before Imperial Might. Mere moments after their hasty retreat, the storm-clouds burst overhead and unleashed a deluge of rainfall to celebrate the safe rescue of their young namesake.
And thus, the Mothers Chosen son survived to fight another day, broken, but undefeated.
-An excerpt from The Storm over Sinuji, a saga of Falling Rain, as written by Han BoShui
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Blinking the darkness out of my eyes, Im treated to the sight of my beloved family, all hovering about with smiles and tears a plenty. Kissing my left hand, Yan nuzzles it against her cheek while Mom squeezes my other hand tight, smoothing the scratchy blankets over my chest. Alsantset and Charok stand behind her, holding each other close in visible relief, my older sister unable to decide if she should hug or hit me while Charok beams with pride. Arms interlocked with Song, Mila and Lins beautiful smiles sandwich the lovely cat-girls scowl, while Taduk rests his chin next to my pillow and sighs in relief, his joy warring with exhaustion from keeping me alive. Kneeling beside him, Dad strokes my hair ever so gently while wearing the biggest smile Ive ever seen on his stony expression. Good, he says, nodding in heartfelt approval. You survived. Good.
Wracking my brain for memories, I draw a complete blank after being engulfed in fire and ask my family to fill me in. Upon hearing their tales of how they fought off an army of Demons and my awesome, water-wielding prowess, I try to summon Heavenly Energy to do my bidding only to draw hellish torment and suffering upon me. Once my screaming and flailing dies down, Taduk pats my cheek and soothes my pain with his Healing touch. Dont try to use Chi, Rain my boy. Your Weapons are broken and Core shattered, so leave it be. You wouldnt try to walk with two broken legs, or lift anything with two broken arms, yes?
Swallowing my pain, I gasp, Then how did I...? Will I... Silence falls over the tent and no answer is forthcoming, because they dont know either. The pity and sorrow hurts almost as much as trying to use Chi, so I clear my throat and try to lighten the mood. Well, I may be a cripple, but at least Im a rich cripple. No one laughs and Mom breaks the awkward silence by insisting I drink some water. Agonizing as it is to sit up, its not so bad once the moving is done with and the room stops spinning. With Dad propping me up, I drink deep from the cup and realize how thirsty I really am, draining two more cups before Mom tells me to take it easy and rest. Leaning against Dads shoulder instead of lying back down, I change the subject and ask, How did you all get here so quickly? We were expecting reinforcements, but Dad shouldve been stationed five days march away and we only learned about the Defiled army three days ago. Even if he set out the minute he got the message, theres no way he couldve made it here so soon.
Blinking in muted surprise, Dad tilts his head and his wolf ears flop to one side. We left as soon as we received word. After a moment of shared confusion, understanding dawns and he laughs, a cheerful sound I dont often hear. What I mean to say is, we left as soon as we received word from you. Reaching into his pouch, Dad unfurls a letter for me to read, the letter I wrote upon returning to Sinuji a week ago, telling them how I made Gulong remove his own tongue and asking for advice, as per Hongjis suggestion. Luckily for us, Tursinai wasted no time delivering it, else I fear we might not have made it in time.
Going by the time line, Dad isnt exaggerating when he says he left right away. ...Wait. You rode out with an army because I said I was worried the Society might act against me? Not that Im complaining, but it seems a bit much, no?
Rolling his eyes, Baatar scoffs. I wanted to empty the citadel of cavalry and rush to your aid, but Nian Zu would not allow it, because he does not know you like I do. Reaching out to stroke my hair again, he chuckles and adds, You are stubborn and intractable, and you never ask for help, so when I read your letter, I knew the situation must be dire indeed.
Smiling so wide my cheeks hurt, I happily accept the pain and sink into Dads chest, knowing Im safe with my family here to protect me. This is where I belong, wherever I have loved ones to be with. Im crippled, but alive, which beats the hell out of dead and whole, and its not like Im utterly without hope. Theres at least one person who broke a Spiritual Weapon and went on to become a Peak Expert, so even if I never reach those staggering heights, theres a good chance I make it out of this whole. Besides, I totally remember forming a Domain, and while Im not entirely sure how it works without a Core, Natal Palace, or Aura, Ill figure it out with some help. Plus, theres all the stuff I did while I was unconscious, namely forming Water Shields and Water Spears while keeping myself alive while burnt to the bone, so Im probably still secretly awesome somehow.
It took seven and half years to get where I am, so if I have to do it all again, itll probably only take half as long, if not less. And Ill have bear hands too, soon as I figure out how to quasi-demonize... Hell, by this time next year, I bet Ill be back on the front lines fighting again.
...
Maybe I shouldnt be in such a big rush to recover and take some time for myself. I deserve a little R&R, and its not like the Empire wont survive without me.
...
Fuck it. Even if the Empire doesnt survive, I dont give a shit. So long as my family makes it out okay, then the Empire can go to hell.
Chapter Meme
Chapter Meme 2
- End of Volume 25 -
Chapter 463They say your life flashes before your eyes when youre about to die, but Ive never found this to be true.Usually, Im too busy trying not to shit my pants and stay alive instead of reminiscing of fond memories, but seeing how Not-Gen refuses to let go while hes busy turning into a Demon and my life is essentially over, a little introspection couldnt hurt. Its not like I have much of a life to go over seeing how Ive only got seven and a half years of memories, starting from the day I arrived in this world as a short, scrawny, amber-eyed kid with memories of a different life and a skull-splitting headache. Chained to a wooden post inside a dirty, dark pen, I awaited my turn to be sold to the highest bidder, so afraid and confused I dont even remember how much I was sold for, and while things eventually got better, things got a whole lot worse first. Ive come a long way and forgotten a great deal since those hellish days in the mines, but I will always remember the fear and confusion of those first few hours, and no matter how much I wish it were otherwise, I will never forget the pain and suffering which followed.From the first day I opened my eyes in those slave pens, theres only one thing Ive been 100% certain of: I dont belong in this world. Pretty sure the world knows it too, which is probably why it hates me. My issues with Balance, the calm and the storm, my lacking Insights and Awakening, all of this was the world rejecting me. I know this now, because there is no calm and no storm anymore as everything I worked for, everything I claimed for myself, returns unto the world. There is no void and no bedroom within it, no nightstand upon which the wooden goblet sits. Bereft of their vessels, my Chi and Keystones have already dissipated into nothingness, while my claimed Heavenly Energy is no longer mine and flows away along with all the hopes and dreams I hinged upon it. Though intangible, I can feel everything I collected from cleansed Spectres seeping out of my broken Core in drips and drabs, months of hard-earned efforts and thousands of lives going to waste, including the lives of my soldiers. Soon, nothing will remain except my memories and regrets, and even those will be lost when my life comes to an end.I shouldve gone to see Mom sooner so Taduk could Heal her with Heavenly Energy. My family has given me so much and Ive been nothing but a burden from start to finish. Now, its too late to help them with even a single thing, but at least my death will free them from the stress and hardship which comes with being a part of my life. Theyre tough people, so even though my death will hurt them, theyll get over it soon enough, even sweet Tali and Tate. Mom will eventually recover her full strength on her own, and Dad will be over the moon to have his wife in good health and reputation in good standing. They both still have a magnificent daughter who will make them proud, not to mention a humble son-in-law who will do anything to make his wife happy. Akanai and Husolt will be strong as always, there to console Mila whos not as tough as she pretends to be, but theyll get through it together. Yan has her Grandpa and big brother Kyung, and Luo-Luo will probably dance with joy when she hears Im gone, so I have nothing to worry about there. Song will probably stoically wait for someone to claim her chain before running back to SuiHua to claim my floofs. The only ones who worry me are Taduk and Lin, but Im sure the rest of my family will pitch in to help out, because thats what family does. Eventually, all the people in my life will move on, and Ill be a fond memory they talk about every once in a while, instead of the giant dumpster fire they have to go put out at least once a week.Look at that. My whole life covered in the blink of an eye.Seven and a half years of hardship and suffering, struggle and conflict, trials and fucking tribulations, all for nothing. Their blades melted and gone, the ruined remains of my Spiritual Weapons drop to the ground where they ring ever so slightly in a final death keen before falling silent. Peace, Tranquility, and Unity, they were mine and mine alone, each one a part of me in body and spirit, a physical extension of my metaphysical self. More than just weapons, they were the tools with which I would use to survive in this harsh and unforgiving world, but now they are nothing more than trash to be tossed aside or melted for scrap, leaving me kneeling here broken within, and broken without.But wait, theres more. In case the emotional pain isnt enough to render me helpless, theres a deluge of physical pain accompanying it. Emptied of Chi and left to face the world without its protection, I become all too aware of how reliant Ive become on mystical strength and toughness to survive on this hellish world. My head is so heavy I can barely keep my chin off my chest, and having my arms held up strains my muscles so much theyre liable to rip. As if reading my mind, Not-Gen releases my arms and they drop to my sides like leaden weights, splashing heavily in the bloody mud to send a fresh wave of torment through me. Though soft and wet, the mud has the texture of broken glass, or at least thats what my Chi-deprived hands think. Even gravity seems more forceful than usual, and every breath I draw is misery and suffering as my organs protest at the movement and my lungs struggle to inflate. The sun, the wind, and even the cotton shirt under my armour burns, stings, and chafes against my skin, a minor discomfort in the grand scheme of things, but this more than anything spells out my lot in life.The world hates me. Without the ability to steal Heavenly Energy and convert it to Chi for personal use, I cant even survive direct sunlight for too long. Without a Core, Im weaker than a basic commoner, because unlike me, theyve been accepted by the world and granted a measure of resistance from the worst it has to offer. Peasants are weak, but I am a whole level below them in feebleness.At least I wont have to suffer for long.No ones coming to save me. They saw what happened and they also know Im better off dead. Thats why my protectors havent stepped up to help, why they left me kneeling before the transforming Not-Gen in complete and utter silence. Theyll wait for me to die, then come avenge me, because no one wants to look after a cripple, especially one who had so much promise. If I survive, Ill be nothing more than a reminder of what was lost, a living representation of failure and a burden to all who love me.Death would be a mercy.Or... perhaps theres still hope.My Core is destroyed and my Martial Path crippled, but this isnt the only path to power in this world.Do the Defiled have Cores? Or do they find power a different way? I cant Devour Spectres without the void, but... I could let them in. I can handle the whispers, especially since vigour and resilience are part and parcel of the Defiled package. I wouldnt even have to stay Defiled forever. Mahakala said there was a way back, and Im willing to bet the benefits remain. Whereas Martial Warriors mostly use Chi to augment their natural strength, Defiled seem to use Spectres to boost their basic stats. True, most Martial Warriors also get big and beefy, but thats not automatic, else Id be a towering giant by now.Even if turning Defiled is a path of no return, why shouldnt I take the leap? Whats stopping me? Morality? Why should morality supersede survival? This is a matter of life and death, and if given the choice, why would I ever accept death?I deserve to live. I deserve to be free. I have struggled and endured for all my life, and Ive gotten nothing for all my hard work. Maybe its time I tried something different for a change.It would be so easy. No hardship, no vagueness, just strength for surrender. Real, tangible strength, strength Ive known before, like when I faced Laughing Dragon and his cronies on the shores of Western Treasures lake. That was me. I could have it again. I could be a Warrior even with my Core shattered and body crippled. I remember it clearly, the Energy of the Heavens flowing through my body as I fought and killed all who stood against me. Power bent to my will and the Forms unravelled within in my mind, invincible and unstoppable until there were none left to challenge, a veritable force of nature given flesh.Gods I was strong then. Khishigs on an open field, Ned!...Hahaha...Overcome by mirth, my low chuckle builds into a hearty laugh as I raise my head to the Heavens, tears streaming from my eyes at the sheer stupidity of it all. Here I kneel, crippled and about to die, and still my brain thinks its an appropriate time to make pop culture references. How can I not laugh?The inferno burst apart in an explosion of steam and smoke, and the blackened form of Falling Rain emerged from the obscuring clouds. Ensconced in a sphere of streaming water, it flowed about him in a protective field to guard against further attack, but little remained of our valiant young hero aside from charred tissue and scorched bone. The sight elicited bewildered gasps and heart-rending screams from all who saw his horrific plight, but true to his title of the Undying, Falling Rains grievous injuries gave way to healthy flesh as he regenerated before our eyes, Healing himself from the brink of death as only a Student of the Medical Saint could. A testament to his fortitude, Falling Rain refused to cower behind his defences or flee for safety, though none would blame him if he did, for he had only just survived by the slimmest of margins. Bearing grisly wounds which would have incapacitated even the greatest of Warriors, Falling Rain raised his shrivelled, burnt arm and hurled a lance of piercing water at the Emissary, and the two fated foes joined battle in earnest.Clouds of smoke and flashes of light veiled their duel in shadow, the Mother and Father clashing through their chosen instruments, but it was not a battle fated to last long. Overhead, the shriek of metal and air drew all eyes towards it as a shooting star descended from the Heavens and slew a powerful Demon, one who only moments before stood ready to dispatch a fallen Bekhai Expert. Only then did we realize reinforcements had arrived, ten-thousand strong riding to Sinujis rescue on quin-back. Many have heard the idiom, A tiger father begets a tiger son, but the same rings true for a dragon mother, for it was Mountain Rose Sarnais spear which slew the Demon before returning to her hand, only to be cast out once again. One throw, one kill as she rode to her sons aid, slaughtering Demons from a thousand paces despite still recovering from heavy injuries suffered in defence of the Empire.Not to be outdone, the Bloody-Fanged Wolf dropped from the skies and landed with a crash, his hair-raising howl of fury chilling the blood of friend and foe alike. Unstoppable in his rage, Demons fell like cabbages before Major General Baatars Bloody Fang and Crescent Moon, wielding sword and pole-axe with consummate skill as he braved fire and Ichor without flinching to save his beloved son. Joined by other Peak Experts of the Bekhai and Empire, they fought their way through the pack of Demons and Defiled to reach Falling Rains side and sent the Enemy fleeing before Imperial Might. Mere moments after their hasty retreat, the storm-clouds burst overhead and unleashed a deluge of rainfall to celebrate the safe rescue of their young namesake.And thus, the Mothers Chosen son survived to fight another day, broken, but undefeated.-An excerpt from The Storm over Sinuji, a saga of Falling Rain, as written by Han BoShui~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Blinking the darkness out of my eyes, Im treated to the sight of my beloved family, all hovering about with smiles and tears a plenty. Kissing my left hand, Yan nuzzles it against her cheek while Mom squeezes my other hand tight, smoothing the scratchy blankets over my chest. Alsantset and Charok stand behind her, holding each other close in visible relief, my older sister unable to decide if she should hug or hit me while Charok beams with pride. Arms interlocked with Song, Mila and Lins beautiful smiles sandwich the lovely cat-girls scowl, while Taduk rests his chin next to my pillow and sighs in relief, his joy warring with exhaustion from keeping me alive. Kneeling beside him, Dad strokes my hair ever so gently while wearing the biggest smile Ive ever seen on his stony expression. Good, he says, nodding in heartfelt approval. You survived. Good.Wracking my brain for memories, I draw a complete blank after being engulfed in fire and ask my family to fill me in. Upon hearing their tales of how they fought off an army of Demons and my awesome, water-wielding prowess, I try to summon Heavenly Energy to do my bidding only to draw hellish torment and suffering upon me. Once my screaming and flailing dies down, Taduk pats my cheek and soothes my pain with his Healing touch. Dont try to use Chi, Rain my boy. Your Weapons are broken and Core shattered, so leave it be. You wouldnt try to walk with two broken legs, or lift anything with two broken arms, yes?Swallowing my pain, I gasp, Then how did I...? Will I... Silence falls over the tent and no answer is forthcoming, because they dont know either. The pity and sorrow hurts almost as much as trying to use Chi, so I clear my throat and try to lighten the mood. Well, I may be a cripple, but at least Im a rich cripple. No one laughs and Mom breaks the awkward silence by insisting I drink some water. Agonizing as it is to sit up, its not so bad once the moving is done with and the room stops spinning. With Dad propping me up, I drink deep from the cup and realize how thirsty I really am, draining two more cups before Mom tells me to take it easy and rest. Leaning against Dads shoulder instead of lying back down, I change the subject and ask, How did you all get here so quickly? We were expecting reinforcements, but Dad shouldve been stationed five days march away and we only learned about the Defiled army three days ago. Even if he set out the minute he got the message, theres no way he couldve made it here so soon.Blinking in muted surprise, Dad tilts his head and his wolf ears flop to one side. We left as soon as we received word. After a moment of shared confusion, understanding dawns and he laughs, a cheerful sound I dont often hear. What I mean to say is, we left as soon as we received word from you. Reaching into his pouch, Dad unfurls a letter for me to read, the letter I wrote upon returning to Sinuji a week ago, telling them how I made Gulong remove his own tongue and asking for advice, as per Hongjis suggestion. Luckily for us, Tursinai wasted no time delivering it, else I fear we might not have made it in time.Going by the time line, Dad isnt exaggerating when he says he left right away. ...Wait. You rode out with an army because I said I was worried the Society might act against me? Not that Im complaining, but it seems a bit much, no?Rolling his eyes, Baatar scoffs. I wanted to empty the citadel of cavalry and rush to your aid, but Nian Zu would not allow it, because he does not know you like I do. Reaching out to stroke my hair again, he chuckles and adds, You are stubborn and intractable, and you never ask for help, so when I read your letter, I knew the situation must be dire indeed.Smiling so wide my cheeks hurt, I happily accept the pain and sink into Dads chest, knowing Im safe with my family here to protect me. This is where I belong, wherever I have loved ones to be with. Im crippled, but alive, which beats the hell out of dead and whole, and its not like Im utterly without hope. Theres at least one person who broke a Spiritual Weapon and went on to become a Peak Expert, so even if I never reach those staggering heights, theres a good chance I make it out of this whole. Besides, I totally remember forming a Domain, and while Im not entirely sure how it works without a Core, Natal Palace, or Aura, Ill figure it out with some help. Plus, theres all the stuff I did while I was unconscious, namely forming Water Shields and Water Spears while keeping myself alive while burnt to the bone, so Im probably still secretly awesome somehow.It took seven and half years to get where I am, so if I have to do it all again, itll probably only take half as long, if not less. And Ill have bear hands too, soon as I figure out how to quasi-demonize... Hell, by this time next year, I bet Ill be back on the front lines fighting again....Maybe I shouldnt be in such a big rush to recover and take some time for myself. I deserve a little R&R, and its not like the Empire wont survive without me....Fuck it. Even if the Empire doesnt survive, I dont give a shit. So long as my family makes it out okay, then the Empire can go to hell.Chapter MemeChapter Meme 2- End of Volume 25 -
