Chapter 497
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Chapter 497
From start to finish, the Abbot stands in silence while I narrate my time with Mahakala, from how I first discovered him lurking in the shadows to how I was there for his last, heartbreaking moments as a dying man so haunted by the mistakes of his past. So still and stoic, the aged Abbot doesnt blink when I talk about my split personality and how Mahakala helped me through it, or shed a tear when I mention his regrets, the horror of Anathema, or how I had to dismember not one, but two of my limbs in my failed efforts to save him. Not my proudest moments, but the Abbot remains statue-still until my story is finished and I hold Mahakalas Spiritual Weapon out for him to take, at which point his expressionless facade comes crumbling apart. Deflating as the tears flow freely down his cheeks, the Abbot bows his head and presses his hands together in prayer while staring at the inert Spiritual Spade, indisputable proof of his senior brothers death.
Maybe I shouldve brought the weapon out first...
Its heartbreaking seeing him in such distress, especially since he is hands down the oldest looking man Ive ever met, with aged sunspots dotting his wrinkled skin and knobbly fingers which tremble when they should be still. Seriously, he looks like he belongs in a wheelchair and needs full-time care from a team of doctors, nurses, and orderlies. Not what I was expecting considering Mahakala was the senior brother and a vibrant, robust Martial Warrior in the prime of life, so either the Abbot joined the Brotherhood late in life or he really hasnt aged well.
The differences are stark indeed. Even dressed plainly in his dirty red and yellow robes, Mahakala exuded vigour and determination, whereas the ancient and frail Abbot in his clean grey robes looks ready to topple over at a stiff breeze. The former gave the impression of an ascetic whose travels brought him far and wide, a boisterous man who befriended people from all walks of life and learned from their experiences, while the latter makes me question if hes ever left the monastery since he first stepped foot inside, a stern and cheerless soul born for chanting sutras and ruminating on the mysteries of Nirvana or whatever it is monks do. Even though I only minutes ago saw him deftly avoid a barrage of attacks from Dad and two Death Corps guards with ease, I cant help but worry that the Abbot will grow weary standing on two feet.
Or you know... catch a cold and fall over dead. Seriously, dude looks old.
Speaking of catching cold, though the Central winters are mild compared to ones in the North, the temperature still drops low enough for frost and snow, meaning its also low enough to freeze my balls off. While I stand with arms extended holding Mahakalas Spade, the evening wind cuts through me like an icy knife and my arms tremble with cold and strain, but the Abbots eyes are still closed and teary so I endure as best I can. Mom, Dad, Taduk, Lin, Yan, Du Min Gyu, and a handful of Death Corps guards are all standing nearby to watch over the proceedings, but out of respect for Mahakalas last wishes, I asked them not to listen in since it touches on the secrets of the Penitent Brotherhood. Still, I wouldnt mind a floof or two to keep me company and maybe shelter me from the cold, but those furry traitors all scattered after the Abbot appeared and followed Luo-Luo back to her room, wrapped in my silken blankets and nothing else.New novel chapters are published on
I could be warm in bed with a beautiful, busty, naked woman right now, but no... Im sad about Mahakalas death too and I want to let the Abbot mourn properly, but its late, Im tired, and this weapon is heavy.
Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Wiping his tears away with the sleeves of his robe, the Abbot finally accepts the weapon with trembling hands, holding it with reverence as if it were Mahakalas remains instead. When Mentor named this monk as his successor and the next Abbot of the Brotherhood, we both protested the decision, he said, not speaking directly to me, but simply venting out loud. We thought Mentor would pick Senior Brother, for he was the obvious choice, but despite our insistence, Mentor would not relent and Senior Brothers pride never recovered from this grievous blow. The wound festered and infected his thoughts, led him astray from the Eight-Fold Path to instead wander and explore the vicissitudes of the mortal world. Once a shining example of the Brotherhoods ideals, he became a monk only in name and adhered to the Four Noble Truths whenever convenient, spending his days drinking to numb his sorrows, eating to suppress his resentment, and arguing with the junior brother whom he once doted upon. Your junior cannot even remember our last pleasant conversation, for the memory is buried beneath countless instances of meaningless bickering. Oh Senior Brother...
Hoping it brings the Abbot some comfort, I tell him, Before he died, he said, Mourn not for my passing, for death is merely a new beginning, a chance to start anew. Not an outlook I agree with, but maybe itll help.
It doesnt.
With a piteous wail, the Abbot drops to his knees and raises the spade horizontally above his head, weeping as he yells at the Heavens. Brother! Your junior has failed you, for he was not there in your time of need. Rest easy in the arms of the Mother, and may we be reunited again in our next life, or any life hereafter. Such anguish, such regret...
Uncomfortable in the face of such palpable grief, I avert my gaze and stare at the grass while reflecting on my time with Mahakala. I didnt know him too well and agreed with less than half of what he said, but in the short time we spent together, he did so much for me. Not only did he force me to accept a harsh truth which Id been avoiding, he also died trying to keep me safe from the Confessor, though Im still not entirely sure why that crazy bastard wanted me dead. I owe Mahakala so much for what he did, and I will never forgive myself for being such a giant screw-up. Had I not lost Blobby, I couldve saved him and all this trouble couldve been avoided, a fact which I am terrified to admit out loud. Not because Im worried the Abbot wont take it well, but because Im ashamed and I dont want anyone else to know about my mistakes.
His outburst finished, the Abbot clambers to his feet with the spade in hand, clutching it close to his chest like a protective talisman instead of letting it rest on the ground. This monk apologizes for his negligence, Junior Brother, the Abbot says, his voice hoarse as he finally noticing my uncontrollable shivering. Let us speak in the dining room, or wherever you might find convenient. I can feel his eyes watching from behind as he follows me into the sitting room, but he makes no move to help despite my difficulties walking. Its hard to hold tight to a walker while quivering like a bowstring, and my teeth are chattering so much Im worried theyll crack, but Dad is quick to run over and help once its apparent were no longer talking. Soon enough, Im sitting on a padded chair in front of a lit brazier, sipping hot tea courtesy of Charok and luxuriating in warmth as the feeling returns to my body. Taking one polite sip from his cup, the Abbot puts his teacup aside and waits until my body stops shaking and my family seats themselves off to the side before speaking again, though a quiver in his voice betrays his grief. This one heard of Junior Brothers plight from Jorani, but he had scant details to offer. Pray tell, how did you end up in this condition?
How did Jorani know I was crippled? It happened a week after he left. Instead of answering the question, I respond with one of my own, because there are too many left unanswered for me to feel safe. Is he here?
Nodding, the Abbot replies, He is outside seeking accommodation for the Ancestral Beast GangShu and his companions, as well a Brother of ours who came with to handle Kukku. With a faraway look, the Abbot nods and smiles ever so sadly. An impressive young man, that Jorani, and a promising initiate if he can overcome this hurdle and persevere along the Eight-Fold Path. Did Jorani shave his head and become a eunuch? Hardly seems like the type, but then again, hes been gone for like three months. Maybe the other monks are more convincing than Mahakala was, but I should find some time to speak with Jorani alone to make sure he wasnt strong-armed into joining.
Also, whos Kukku and why does he need a monk to handle him?
Mistaking the source of my confusion, the Abbot straightens up and says, Ah, of course, Brother SanDukkha must be suspicious of this monks identity, so allow this monk to call Jorani over. Waving aside my half-hearted denial, he pauses for a moment before adding, He will arrive shortly, so let us continue our conversation after he has laid your doubts to rest.
I probably shouldve thought to verify the Abbots identity before telling him all about Mahakala, my Natal Palace diving abilities, and all those other important secrets, but one look at the Abbot and you can tell hes a monk, a man so dedicated to being bald, he even shaved off his eyebrows. On the other hand, if he happens to be a fraud, then at least my Heavenly Oaths wont kill me for revealing the secrets of the Brotherhood...
Patient to a fault, the Abbot closes his eyes to meditate or wallow in his sorrow while I sit and sip my tea in awkward silence. Real silence, not just the absence of words, but the absence of all sounds besides our breathing. Its a strange experience sitting inside a Sound Barrier, and even though Ive done it before, this is the first chance Ive had to examine one. Before today, I never realized how noisy the world is, and its disconcerting to see the grass rustle and the brazier crackle without hearing the accompanying sounds.
Luckily, Jorani arrives before my noisy breathing drives me insane, though his appearance throws me for a loop. While he was never the sharpest dresser, seeing him in the same thick, grey robes as the Abbot is entirely out of character, and the thin layer of fuzz atop his lumpy scalp couldnt have taken more than a day or two to grow. It looks horrendous, but so does Jorani himself, a wizened shell of his former self with dark circles under his eyes and pale, sickly skin, his body so gaunt its as if the last meal he ate was in Sinuji. None of this does anything to blunt the warmth of his smile as he steps through the Sound Barrier after paying respects to my parents. Hey bossman, he says while we clasp hands and awkwardly pat one another on the shoulder, neither one sure if we should hug or just stop here. Ye aint lookin so good these days.
Youre one to talk. Genuinely happy to see him, I try to contain my grin while inspecting his once-shaven head. You know, I hear some women use hot wax to get rid of unwanted hair. Pulls it out right by the roots. What say I grab a candle and get started while you tell me all about what happened these past few months?
This will not be an issue. Holding his head up with pride, the Abbots confidence is almost infectious. The laws of the Empire are no deterrence to the Eight-Fold Path, for we of the Brotherhood hold the Precepts above them. Should the Disciplinary Corps take issue with your absence, then they will have to come find you first.
...I cant tell if the Abbot is smart or stupid. Im not going to the monastery though. Even if I up and left, my problems wont disappear. Jixing will still want Luo-Luo, which means hell just switch focus to my family instead.
Bah. Waving his hand in dismissal, the Abbot says, Were it not for Senior Brothers untimely passing, you would have long since been swayed to our cause. This monk hoped that by convincing you, Senior Brother would also convince himself to return to the monastery, but alas, man proposes and Heaven disposes. Shaking his head with a sigh, he falls silent for a brief pause before continuing. Junior Brother, these mortal affairs are an impermanent distraction from matters of true importance. Remember the Four Noble Truths: life is suffering, and we suffer because of the three Desires, but there is a way to escape the cycle of suffering, and that is to live by the Noble Eight-Fold Path.
Honestly, he lost my interest at life is suffering. I mean, life does kinda suck, but it beats the alternative. Even having experienced a form of life after death (at least... I think I died? Not sure.), Im still not in any rush to see if Ill get another shot at life after this one has run its course.
Unfortunately, the Abbot has built up too much momentum to interrupt and he continues with his preaching. While the war against the Defiled is a grave and alarming tribulation, what concerns this monk is not the preservation of lives, but to ensure our continued existence in the cycle of Death and Rebirth, so that in time, all may have a fair chance at Nirvana. Senior Brother told you this himself, and you witnessed the Enemys power firsthand. This Anathema you speak of will destroy not only our physical bodies, but also our eternal souls, and in doing so, will overturn the scales of Existence themselves. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.
...Yea thats a real serious issue, but firstly, I have no idea what you expect me to do about it, and secondly, the problem is solved once we kill Zhen Shi, Zhu Chanzui, and a whole bunch of Defiled and Demons. If we tell the Legate about the eight-hundred year old monster leading the Enemy, then Im sure he could round up a squad of Divinities to set forth and cut off the head of the snake, or whatever you want to call it.
Aii, such ignorance, such sin. The Abbots visible disappointment is piercing and painful, but Im sure hell lower his standards and will be less disappointed in the future. You think the Imperial Clan does not already know? Zhen Shi was once an Imperial Scion himself, though the records of his true identity have long since been forgotten by the world at large. This monk has no doubt that the Emperor knows of Zhen Shis manipulations, and it is possible the Imperial Clan even has a hand in his actions, so exposing his existence will not be taken kindly. Such is the needless complexity of mundane affairs, so it is best to cleanse yourself of the red dust of the mortal world and focus on the Eight-Fold Path to Nirvana instead.
Single-minded determination, thy name is Abbot. I wont leave my family to fight in my stead. Without force, there is no way you can convince me otherwise.
Sighing yet again, the Abbot stands and bows. This monk is overtired and overwrought, so he will not argue the matter tonight. This monk only asks to accompany Junior Brother so we might discuss this at a later date.
Ill have to ask. Not that I foresee an argument, considering what Mahakala did for me, but somehow I dont see the decrepit, pacifist Abbot going out to seek vengeance against big poppa piggy. Keeping polite as I bid them farewell, I see Jorani and the Abbot to the door before explaining everything to Mom and Dad. Taduk and Lin have long since fallen asleep, so I quietly wake them both and send them home with Yan and Du Min Gyu before returning to my room. With too many questions swirling around in my head, I know sleep will be a long time coming despite my exhaustion, so I take a seat at my table and pull out the first volume of Zhen Shis notes once again.
Now that I know hes alive, I have even more reason to read his notes, not just in hopes of finding a cure, but also to get into his mind and see how he thinks. Know thine enemy and whatnot, yadda yadda, or at least thats what I tell myself. Deep down, the truth is, I see yet another beacon of hope ahead, and as horrific as it is, I cant help but be drawn to the idea like a moth to a flame.
Zhen Shi took over Gens body, this much is clear now. What if I can do the same? Am I righteous enough to suffer in this crippled form when I could simply take over a new one?
...I want to say yes, that I can resist temptation, but my actions now tell me Im not. If I could snatch up a new body, Ive no doubt I would do it and justify it through crooked logic, but this knowledge is not enough to scare me away. At the very least, knowing how its done might teach me how to defend against it, because who knows whose body Zhen Shi will show up in next?
The first of many excuses Ill make no doubt, but even I dont believe them, not entirely. Im sick of being weak, and if given the chance, why shouldnt I steal Jixings body, or even the Legates?
Hang on...
Is this why Mahakala told me never to tell anyone, because the Imperial Clan knows its possible and fears it will be used against them? Do they know how to do it? If so, are we being ruled by an eternal body snatching monster from antiquity?
As always, a single answer leads to more questions and leaves me as lost as always, but at least now I have hope of finding more answers, though I doubt Ill like whatever I find.
And yet, Ill still run headlong towards the unknown. Courage or stupidity, only time will tell.
...
Probably stupidity, but Im too stubborn to give up. Such is my life, suffering through stupidity without end.
Chapter Meme
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Chapter 497
From start to finish, the Abbot stands in silence while I narrate my time with Mahakala, from how I first discovered him lurking in the shadows to how I was there for his last, heartbreaking moments as a dying man so haunted by the mistakes of his past. So still and stoic, the aged Abbot doesnt blink when I talk about my split personality and how Mahakala helped me through it, or shed a tear when I mention his regrets, the horror of Anathema, or how I had to dismember not one, but two of my limbs in my failed efforts to save him. Not my proudest moments, but the Abbot remains statue-still until my story is finished and I hold Mahakalas Spiritual Weapon out for him to take, at which point his expressionless facade comes crumbling apart. Deflating as the tears flow freely down his cheeks, the Abbot bows his head and presses his hands together in prayer while staring at the inert Spiritual Spade, indisputable proof of his senior brothers death.
Maybe I shouldve brought the weapon out first...
Its heartbreaking seeing him in such distress, especially since he is hands down the oldest looking man Ive ever met, with aged sunspots dotting his wrinkled skin and knobbly fingers which tremble when they should be still. Seriously, he looks like he belongs in a wheelchair and needs full-time care from a team of doctors, nurses, and orderlies. Not what I was expecting considering Mahakala was the senior brother and a vibrant, robust Martial Warrior in the prime of life, so either the Abbot joined the Brotherhood late in life or he really hasnt aged well.
The differences are stark indeed. Even dressed plainly in his dirty red and yellow robes, Mahakala exuded vigour and determination, whereas the ancient and frail Abbot in his clean grey robes looks ready to topple over at a stiff breeze. The former gave the impression of an ascetic whose travels brought him far and wide, a boisterous man who befriended people from all walks of life and learned from their experiences, while the latter makes me question if hes ever left the monastery since he first stepped foot inside, a stern and cheerless soul born for chanting sutras and ruminating on the mysteries of Nirvana or whatever it is monks do. Even though I only minutes ago saw him deftly avoid a barrage of attacks from Dad and two Death Corps guards with ease, I cant help but worry that the Abbot will grow weary standing on two feet.
Or you know... catch a cold and fall over dead. Seriously, dude looks old.
Speaking of catching cold, though the Central winters are mild compared to ones in the North, the temperature still drops low enough for frost and snow, meaning its also low enough to freeze my balls off. While I stand with arms extended holding Mahakalas Spade, the evening wind cuts through me like an icy knife and my arms tremble with cold and strain, but the Abbots eyes are still closed and teary so I endure as best I can. Mom, Dad, Taduk, Lin, Yan, Du Min Gyu, and a handful of Death Corps guards are all standing nearby to watch over the proceedings, but out of respect for Mahakalas last wishes, I asked them not to listen in since it touches on the secrets of the Penitent Brotherhood. Still, I wouldnt mind a floof or two to keep me company and maybe shelter me from the cold, but those furry traitors all scattered after the Abbot appeared and followed Luo-Luo back to her room, wrapped in my silken blankets and nothing else.New novel chapters are published on
I could be warm in bed with a beautiful, busty, naked woman right now, but no... Im sad about Mahakalas death too and I want to let the Abbot mourn properly, but its late, Im tired, and this weapon is heavy.
Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Wiping his tears away with the sleeves of his robe, the Abbot finally accepts the weapon with trembling hands, holding it with reverence as if it were Mahakalas remains instead. When Mentor named this monk as his successor and the next Abbot of the Brotherhood, we both protested the decision, he said, not speaking directly to me, but simply venting out loud. We thought Mentor would pick Senior Brother, for he was the obvious choice, but despite our insistence, Mentor would not relent and Senior Brothers pride never recovered from this grievous blow. The wound festered and infected his thoughts, led him astray from the Eight-Fold Path to instead wander and explore the vicissitudes of the mortal world. Once a shining example of the Brotherhoods ideals, he became a monk only in name and adhered to the Four Noble Truths whenever convenient, spending his days drinking to numb his sorrows, eating to suppress his resentment, and arguing with the junior brother whom he once doted upon. Your junior cannot even remember our last pleasant conversation, for the memory is buried beneath countless instances of meaningless bickering. Oh Senior Brother...
Hoping it brings the Abbot some comfort, I tell him, Before he died, he said, Mourn not for my passing, for death is merely a new beginning, a chance to start anew. Not an outlook I agree with, but maybe itll help.
It doesnt.
With a piteous wail, the Abbot drops to his knees and raises the spade horizontally above his head, weeping as he yells at the Heavens. Brother! Your junior has failed you, for he was not there in your time of need. Rest easy in the arms of the Mother, and may we be reunited again in our next life, or any life hereafter. Such anguish, such regret...
Uncomfortable in the face of such palpable grief, I avert my gaze and stare at the grass while reflecting on my time with Mahakala. I didnt know him too well and agreed with less than half of what he said, but in the short time we spent together, he did so much for me. Not only did he force me to accept a harsh truth which Id been avoiding, he also died trying to keep me safe from the Confessor, though Im still not entirely sure why that crazy bastard wanted me dead. I owe Mahakala so much for what he did, and I will never forgive myself for being such a giant screw-up. Had I not lost Blobby, I couldve saved him and all this trouble couldve been avoided, a fact which I am terrified to admit out loud. Not because Im worried the Abbot wont take it well, but because Im ashamed and I dont want anyone else to know about my mistakes.
His outburst finished, the Abbot clambers to his feet with the spade in hand, clutching it close to his chest like a protective talisman instead of letting it rest on the ground. This monk apologizes for his negligence, Junior Brother, the Abbot says, his voice hoarse as he finally noticing my uncontrollable shivering. Let us speak in the dining room, or wherever you might find convenient. I can feel his eyes watching from behind as he follows me into the sitting room, but he makes no move to help despite my difficulties walking. Its hard to hold tight to a walker while quivering like a bowstring, and my teeth are chattering so much Im worried theyll crack, but Dad is quick to run over and help once its apparent were no longer talking. Soon enough, Im sitting on a padded chair in front of a lit brazier, sipping hot tea courtesy of Charok and luxuriating in warmth as the feeling returns to my body. Taking one polite sip from his cup, the Abbot puts his teacup aside and waits until my body stops shaking and my family seats themselves off to the side before speaking again, though a quiver in his voice betrays his grief. This one heard of Junior Brothers plight from Jorani, but he had scant details to offer. Pray tell, how did you end up in this condition?
How did Jorani know I was crippled? It happened a week after he left. Instead of answering the question, I respond with one of my own, because there are too many left unanswered for me to feel safe. Is he here?
Nodding, the Abbot replies, He is outside seeking accommodation for the Ancestral Beast GangShu and his companions, as well a Brother of ours who came with to handle Kukku. With a faraway look, the Abbot nods and smiles ever so sadly. An impressive young man, that Jorani, and a promising initiate if he can overcome this hurdle and persevere along the Eight-Fold Path. Did Jorani shave his head and become a eunuch? Hardly seems like the type, but then again, hes been gone for like three months. Maybe the other monks are more convincing than Mahakala was, but I should find some time to speak with Jorani alone to make sure he wasnt strong-armed into joining.
Also, whos Kukku and why does he need a monk to handle him?
Mistaking the source of my confusion, the Abbot straightens up and says, Ah, of course, Brother SanDukkha must be suspicious of this monks identity, so allow this monk to call Jorani over. Waving aside my half-hearted denial, he pauses for a moment before adding, He will arrive shortly, so let us continue our conversation after he has laid your doubts to rest.
I probably shouldve thought to verify the Abbots identity before telling him all about Mahakala, my Natal Palace diving abilities, and all those other important secrets, but one look at the Abbot and you can tell hes a monk, a man so dedicated to being bald, he even shaved off his eyebrows. On the other hand, if he happens to be a fraud, then at least my Heavenly Oaths wont kill me for revealing the secrets of the Brotherhood...
Patient to a fault, the Abbot closes his eyes to meditate or wallow in his sorrow while I sit and sip my tea in awkward silence. Real silence, not just the absence of words, but the absence of all sounds besides our breathing. Its a strange experience sitting inside a Sound Barrier, and even though Ive done it before, this is the first chance Ive had to examine one. Before today, I never realized how noisy the world is, and its disconcerting to see the grass rustle and the brazier crackle without hearing the accompanying sounds.
Luckily, Jorani arrives before my noisy breathing drives me insane, though his appearance throws me for a loop. While he was never the sharpest dresser, seeing him in the same thick, grey robes as the Abbot is entirely out of character, and the thin layer of fuzz atop his lumpy scalp couldnt have taken more than a day or two to grow. It looks horrendous, but so does Jorani himself, a wizened shell of his former self with dark circles under his eyes and pale, sickly skin, his body so gaunt its as if the last meal he ate was in Sinuji. None of this does anything to blunt the warmth of his smile as he steps through the Sound Barrier after paying respects to my parents. Hey bossman, he says while we clasp hands and awkwardly pat one another on the shoulder, neither one sure if we should hug or just stop here. Ye aint lookin so good these days.
Youre one to talk. Genuinely happy to see him, I try to contain my grin while inspecting his once-shaven head. You know, I hear some women use hot wax to get rid of unwanted hair. Pulls it out right by the roots. What say I grab a candle and get started while you tell me all about what happened these past few months?
This will not be an issue. Holding his head up with pride, the Abbots confidence is almost infectious. The laws of the Empire are no deterrence to the Eight-Fold Path, for we of the Brotherhood hold the Precepts above them. Should the Disciplinary Corps take issue with your absence, then they will have to come find you first.
...I cant tell if the Abbot is smart or stupid. Im not going to the monastery though. Even if I up and left, my problems wont disappear. Jixing will still want Luo-Luo, which means hell just switch focus to my family instead.
Bah. Waving his hand in dismissal, the Abbot says, Were it not for Senior Brothers untimely passing, you would have long since been swayed to our cause. This monk hoped that by convincing you, Senior Brother would also convince himself to return to the monastery, but alas, man proposes and Heaven disposes. Shaking his head with a sigh, he falls silent for a brief pause before continuing. Junior Brother, these mortal affairs are an impermanent distraction from matters of true importance. Remember the Four Noble Truths: life is suffering, and we suffer because of the three Desires, but there is a way to escape the cycle of suffering, and that is to live by the Noble Eight-Fold Path.
Honestly, he lost my interest at life is suffering. I mean, life does kinda suck, but it beats the alternative. Even having experienced a form of life after death (at least... I think I died? Not sure.), Im still not in any rush to see if Ill get another shot at life after this one has run its course.
Unfortunately, the Abbot has built up too much momentum to interrupt and he continues with his preaching. While the war against the Defiled is a grave and alarming tribulation, what concerns this monk is not the preservation of lives, but to ensure our continued existence in the cycle of Death and Rebirth, so that in time, all may have a fair chance at Nirvana. Senior Brother told you this himself, and you witnessed the Enemys power firsthand. This Anathema you speak of will destroy not only our physical bodies, but also our eternal souls, and in doing so, will overturn the scales of Existence themselves. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo.
...Yea thats a real serious issue, but firstly, I have no idea what you expect me to do about it, and secondly, the problem is solved once we kill Zhen Shi, Zhu Chanzui, and a whole bunch of Defiled and Demons. If we tell the Legate about the eight-hundred year old monster leading the Enemy, then Im sure he could round up a squad of Divinities to set forth and cut off the head of the snake, or whatever you want to call it.
Aii, such ignorance, such sin. The Abbots visible disappointment is piercing and painful, but Im sure hell lower his standards and will be less disappointed in the future. You think the Imperial Clan does not already know? Zhen Shi was once an Imperial Scion himself, though the records of his true identity have long since been forgotten by the world at large. This monk has no doubt that the Emperor knows of Zhen Shis manipulations, and it is possible the Imperial Clan even has a hand in his actions, so exposing his existence will not be taken kindly. Such is the needless complexity of mundane affairs, so it is best to cleanse yourself of the red dust of the mortal world and focus on the Eight-Fold Path to Nirvana instead.
Single-minded determination, thy name is Abbot. I wont leave my family to fight in my stead. Without force, there is no way you can convince me otherwise.
Sighing yet again, the Abbot stands and bows. This monk is overtired and overwrought, so he will not argue the matter tonight. This monk only asks to accompany Junior Brother so we might discuss this at a later date.
Ill have to ask. Not that I foresee an argument, considering what Mahakala did for me, but somehow I dont see the decrepit, pacifist Abbot going out to seek vengeance against big poppa piggy. Keeping polite as I bid them farewell, I see Jorani and the Abbot to the door before explaining everything to Mom and Dad. Taduk and Lin have long since fallen asleep, so I quietly wake them both and send them home with Yan and Du Min Gyu before returning to my room. With too many questions swirling around in my head, I know sleep will be a long time coming despite my exhaustion, so I take a seat at my table and pull out the first volume of Zhen Shis notes once again.
Now that I know hes alive, I have even more reason to read his notes, not just in hopes of finding a cure, but also to get into his mind and see how he thinks. Know thine enemy and whatnot, yadda yadda, or at least thats what I tell myself. Deep down, the truth is, I see yet another beacon of hope ahead, and as horrific as it is, I cant help but be drawn to the idea like a moth to a flame.
Zhen Shi took over Gens body, this much is clear now. What if I can do the same? Am I righteous enough to suffer in this crippled form when I could simply take over a new one?
...I want to say yes, that I can resist temptation, but my actions now tell me Im not. If I could snatch up a new body, Ive no doubt I would do it and justify it through crooked logic, but this knowledge is not enough to scare me away. At the very least, knowing how its done might teach me how to defend against it, because who knows whose body Zhen Shi will show up in next?
The first of many excuses Ill make no doubt, but even I dont believe them, not entirely. Im sick of being weak, and if given the chance, why shouldnt I steal Jixings body, or even the Legates?
Hang on...
Is this why Mahakala told me never to tell anyone, because the Imperial Clan knows its possible and fears it will be used against them? Do they know how to do it? If so, are we being ruled by an eternal body snatching monster from antiquity?
As always, a single answer leads to more questions and leaves me as lost as always, but at least now I have hope of finding more answers, though I doubt Ill like whatever I find.
And yet, Ill still run headlong towards the unknown. Courage or stupidity, only time will tell.
...
Probably stupidity, but Im too stubborn to give up. Such is my life, suffering through stupidity without end.
Chapter Meme
Chapter 497From start to finish, the Abbot stands in silence while I narrate my time with Mahakala, from how I first discovered him lurking in the shadows to how I was there for his last, heartbreaking moments as a dying man so haunted by the mistakes of his past. So still and stoic, the aged Abbot doesnt blink when I talk about my split personality and how Mahakala helped me through it, or shed a tear when I mention his regrets, the horror of Anathema, or how I had to dismember not one, but two of my limbs in my failed efforts to save him. Not my proudest moments, but the Abbot remains statue-still until my story is finished and I hold Mahakalas Spiritual Weapon out for him to take, at which point his expressionless facade comes crumbling apart. Deflating as the tears flow freely down his cheeks, the Abbot bows his head and presses his hands together in prayer while staring at the inert Spiritual Spade, indisputable proof of his senior brothers death.Maybe I shouldve brought the weapon out first...Its heartbreaking seeing him in such distress, especially since he is hands down the oldest looking man Ive ever met, with aged sunspots dotting his wrinkled skin and knobbly fingers which tremble when they should be still. Seriously, he looks like he belongs in a wheelchair and needs full-time care from a team of doctors, nurses, and orderlies. Not what I was expecting considering Mahakala was the senior brother and a vibrant, robust Martial Warrior in the prime of life, so either the Abbot joined the Brotherhood late in life or he really hasnt aged well.The differences are stark indeed. Even dressed plainly in his dirty red and yellow robes, Mahakala exuded vigour and determination, whereas the ancient and frail Abbot in his clean grey robes looks ready to topple over at a stiff breeze. The former gave the impression of an ascetic whose travels brought him far and wide, a boisterous man who befriended people from all walks of life and learned from their experiences, while the latter makes me question if hes ever left the monastery since he first stepped foot inside, a stern and cheerless soul born for chanting sutras and ruminating on the mysteries of Nirvana or whatever it is monks do. Even though I only minutes ago saw him deftly avoid a barrage of attacks from Dad and two Death Corps guards with ease, I cant help but worry that the Abbot will grow weary standing on two feet.Or you know... catch a cold and fall over dead. Seriously, dude looks old.Speaking of catching cold, though the Central winters are mild compared to ones in the North, the temperature still drops low enough for frost and snow, meaning its also low enough to freeze my balls off. While I stand with arms extended holding Mahakalas Spade, the evening wind cuts through me like an icy knife and my arms tremble with cold and strain, but the Abbots eyes are still closed and teary so I endure as best I can. Mom, Dad, Taduk, Lin, Yan, Du Min Gyu, and a handful of Death Corps guards are all standing nearby to watch over the proceedings, but out of respect for Mahakalas last wishes, I asked them not to listen in since it touches on the secrets of the Penitent Brotherhood. Still, I wouldnt mind a floof or two to keep me company and maybe shelter me from the cold, but those furry traitors all scattered after the Abbot appeared and followed Luo-Luo back to her room, wrapped in my silken blankets and nothing else.New novel chapters are published onI could be warm in bed with a beautiful, busty, naked woman right now, but no... Im sad about Mahakalas death too and I want to let the Abbot mourn properly, but its late, Im tired, and this weapon is heavy.Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo. Wiping his tears away with the sleeves of his robe, the Abbot finally accepts the weapon with trembling hands, holding it with reverence as if it were Mahakalas remains instead. When Mentor named this monk as his successor and the next Abbot of the Brotherhood, we both protested the decision, he said, not speaking directly to me, but simply venting out loud. We thought Mentor would pick Senior Brother, for he was the obvious choice, but despite our insistence, Mentor would not relent and Senior Brothers pride never recovered from this grievous blow. The wound festered and infected his thoughts, led him astray from the Eight-Fold Path to instead wander and explore the vicissitudes of the mortal world. Once a shining example of the Brotherhoods ideals, he became a monk only in name and adhered to the Four Noble Truths whenever convenient, spending his days drinking to numb his sorrows, eating to suppress his resentment, and arguing with the junior brother whom he once doted upon. Your junior cannot even remember our last pleasant conversation, for the memory is buried beneath countless instances of meaningless bickering. Oh Senior Brother...Hoping it brings the Abbot some comfort, I tell him, Before he died, he said, Mourn not for my passing, for death is merely a new beginning, a chance to start anew. Not an outlook I agree with, but maybe itll help.It doesnt.With a piteous wail, the Abbot drops to his knees and raises the spade horizontally above his head, weeping as he yells at the Heavens. Brother! Your junior has failed you, for he was not there in your time of need. Rest easy in the arms of the Mother, and may we be reunited again in our next life, or any life hereafter. Such anguish, such regret...Uncomfortable in the face of such palpable grief, I avert my gaze and stare at the grass while reflecting on my time with Mahakala. I didnt know him too well and agreed with less than half of what he said, but in the short time we spent together, he did so much for me. Not only did he force me to accept a harsh truth which Id been avoiding, he also died trying to keep me safe from the Confessor, though Im still not entirely sure why that crazy bastard wanted me dead. I owe Mahakala so much for what he did, and I will never forgive myself for being such a giant screw-up. Had I not lost Blobby, I couldve saved him and all this trouble couldve been avoided, a fact which I am terrified to admit out loud. Not because Im worried the Abbot wont take it well, but because Im ashamed and I dont want anyone else to know about my mistakes.His outburst finished, the Abbot clambers to his feet with the spade in hand, clutching it close to his chest like a protective talisman instead of letting it rest on the ground. This monk apologizes for his negligence, Junior Brother, the Abbot says, his voice hoarse as he finally noticing my uncontrollable shivering. Let us speak in the dining room, or wherever you might find convenient. I can feel his eyes watching from behind as he follows me into the sitting room, but he makes no move to help despite my difficulties walking. Its hard to hold tight to a walker while quivering like a bowstring, and my teeth are chattering so much Im worried theyll crack, but Dad is quick to run over and help once its apparent were no longer talking. Soon enough, Im sitting on a padded chair in front of a lit brazier, sipping hot tea courtesy of Charok and luxuriating in warmth as the feeling returns to my body. Taking one polite sip from his cup, the Abbot puts his teacup aside and waits until my body stops shaking and my family seats themselves off to the side before speaking again, though a quiver in his voice betrays his grief. This one heard of Junior Brothers plight from Jorani, but he had scant details to offer. Pray tell, how did you end up in this condition?How did Jorani know I was crippled? It happened a week after he left. Instead of answering the question, I respond with one of my own, because there are too many left unanswered for me to feel safe. Is he here?Nodding, the Abbot replies, He is outside seeking accommodation for the Ancestral Beast GangShu and his companions, as well a Brother of ours who came with to handle Kukku. With a faraway look, the Abbot nods and smiles ever so sadly. An impressive young man, that Jorani, and a promising initiate if he can overcome this hurdle and persevere along the Eight-Fold Path. Did Jorani shave his head and become a eunuch? Hardly seems like the type, but then again, hes been gone for like three months. Maybe the other monks are more convincing than Mahakala was, but I should find some time to speak with Jorani alone to make sure he wasnt strong-armed into joining.Also, whos Kukku and why does he need a monk to handle him?Mistaking the source of my confusion, the Abbot straightens up and says, Ah, of course, Brother SanDukkha must be suspicious of this monks identity, so allow this monk to call Jorani over. Waving aside my half-hearted denial, he pauses for a moment before adding, He will arrive shortly, so let us continue our conversation after he has laid your doubts to rest.I probably shouldve thought to verify the Abbots identity before telling him all about Mahakala, my Natal Palace diving abilities, and all those other important secrets, but one look at the Abbot and you can tell hes a monk, a man so dedicated to being bald, he even shaved off his eyebrows. On the other hand, if he happens to be a fraud, then at least my Heavenly Oaths wont kill me for revealing the secrets of the Brotherhood...Patient to a fault, the Abbot closes his eyes to meditate or wallow in his sorrow while I sit and sip my tea in awkward silence. Real silence, not just the absence of words, but the absence of all sounds besides our breathing. Its a strange experience sitting inside a Sound Barrier, and even though Ive done it before, this is the first chance Ive had to examine one. Before today, I never realized how noisy the world is, and its disconcerting to see the grass rustle and the brazier crackle without hearing the accompanying sounds.Luckily, Jorani arrives before my noisy breathing drives me insane, though his appearance throws me for a loop. While he was never the sharpest dresser, seeing him in the same thick, grey robes as the Abbot is entirely out of character, and the thin layer of fuzz atop his lumpy scalp couldnt have taken more than a day or two to grow. It looks horrendous, but so does Jorani himself, a wizened shell of his former self with dark circles under his eyes and pale, sickly skin, his body so gaunt its as if the last meal he ate was in Sinuji. None of this does anything to blunt the warmth of his smile as he steps through the Sound Barrier after paying respects to my parents. Hey bossman, he says while we clasp hands and awkwardly pat one another on the shoulder, neither one sure if we should hug or just stop here. Ye aint lookin so good these days.Youre one to talk. Genuinely happy to see him, I try to contain my grin while inspecting his once-shaven head. You know, I hear some women use hot wax to get rid of unwanted hair. Pulls it out right by the roots. What say I grab a candle and get started while you tell me all about what happened these past few months?This will not be an issue. Holding his head up with pride, the Abbots confidence is almost infectious. The laws of the Empire are no deterrence to the Eight-Fold Path, for we of the Brotherhood hold the Precepts above them. Should the Disciplinary Corps take issue with your absence, then they will have to come find you first....I cant tell if the Abbot is smart or stupid. Im not going to the monastery though. Even if I up and left, my problems wont disappear. Jixing will still want Luo-Luo, which means hell just switch focus to my family instead.Bah. Waving his hand in dismissal, the Abbot says, Were it not for Senior Brothers untimely passing, you would have long since been swayed to our cause. This monk hoped that by convincing you, Senior Brother would also convince himself to return to the monastery, but alas, man proposes and Heaven disposes. Shaking his head with a sigh, he falls silent for a brief pause before continuing. Junior Brother, these mortal affairs are an impermanent distraction from matters of true importance. Remember the Four Noble Truths: life is suffering, and we suffer because of the three Desires, but there is a way to escape the cycle of suffering, and that is to live by the Noble Eight-Fold Path.Honestly, he lost my interest at life is suffering. I mean, life does kinda suck, but it beats the alternative. Even having experienced a form of life after death at least... I think I died? Not sure., Im still not in any rush to see if Ill get another shot at life after this one has run its course.Unfortunately, the Abbot has built up too much momentum to interrupt and he continues with his preaching. While the war against the Defiled is a grave and alarming tribulation, what concerns this monk is not the preservation of lives, but to ensure our continued existence in the cycle of Death and Rebirth, so that in time, all may have a fair chance at Nirvana. Senior Brother told you this himself, and you witnessed the Enemys power firsthand. This Anathema you speak of will destroy not only our physical bodies, but also our eternal souls, and in doing so, will overturn the scales of Existence themselves. Eh-Mi-Tuo-Fuo....Yea thats a real serious issue, but firstly, I have no idea what you expect me to do about it, and secondly, the problem is solved once we kill Zhen Shi, Zhu Chanzui, and a whole bunch of Defiled and Demons. If we tell the Legate about the eight-hundred year old monster leading the Enemy, then Im sure he could round up a squad of Divinities to set forth and cut off the head of the snake, or whatever you want to call it.Aii, such ignorance, such sin. The Abbots visible disappointment is piercing and painful, but Im sure hell lower his standards and will be less disappointed in the future. You think the Imperial Clan does not already know? Zhen Shi was once an Imperial Scion himself, though the records of his true identity have long since been forgotten by the world at large. This monk has no doubt that the Emperor knows of Zhen Shis manipulations, and it is possible the Imperial Clan even has a hand in his actions, so exposing his existence will not be taken kindly. Such is the needless complexity of mundane affairs, so it is best to cleanse yourself of the red dust of the mortal world and focus on the Eight-Fold Path to Nirvana instead.Single-minded determination, thy name is Abbot. I wont leave my family to fight in my stead. Without force, there is no way you can convince me otherwise.Sighing yet again, the Abbot stands and bows. This monk is overtired and overwrought, so he will not argue the matter tonight. This monk only asks to accompany Junior Brother so we might discuss this at a later date.Ill have to ask. Not that I foresee an argument, considering what Mahakala did for me, but somehow I dont see the decrepit, pacifist Abbot going out to seek vengeance against big poppa piggy. Keeping polite as I bid them farewell, I see Jorani and the Abbot to the door before explaining everything to Mom and Dad. Taduk and Lin have long since fallen asleep, so I quietly wake them both and send them home with Yan and Du Min Gyu before returning to my room. With too many questions swirling around in my head, I know sleep will be a long time coming despite my exhaustion, so I take a seat at my table and pull out the first volume of Zhen Shis notes once again.Now that I know hes alive, I have even more reason to read his notes, not just in hopes of finding a cure, but also to get into his mind and see how he thinks. Know thine enemy and whatnot, yadda yadda, or at least thats what I tell myself. Deep down, the truth is, I see yet another beacon of hope ahead, and as horrific as it is, I cant help but be drawn to the idea like a moth to a flame.Zhen Shi took over Gens body, this much is clear now. What if I can do the same? Am I righteous enough to suffer in this crippled form when I could simply take over a new one?...I want to say yes, that I can resist temptation, but my actions now tell me Im not. If I could snatch up a new body, Ive no doubt I would do it and justify it through crooked logic, but this knowledge is not enough to scare me away. At the very least, knowing how its done might teach me how to defend against it, because who knows whose body Zhen Shi will show up in next?The first of many excuses Ill make no doubt, but even I dont believe them, not entirely. Im sick of being weak, and if given the chance, why shouldnt I steal Jixings body, or even the Legates?Hang on...Is this why Mahakala told me never to tell anyone, because the Imperial Clan knows its possible and fears it will be used against them? Do they know how to do it? If so, are we being ruled by an eternal body snatching monster from antiquity?As always, a single answer leads to more questions and leaves me as lost as always, but at least now I have hope of finding more answers, though I doubt Ill like whatever I find.And yet, Ill still run headlong towards the unknown. Courage or stupidity, only time will tell....Probably stupidity, but Im too stubborn to give up. Such is my life, suffering through stupidity without end.Chapter Meme
