Kamian looked at me silently with an unreadable expression.
“You’re late today.”
Before long, Kamian said in a slow tone.
“How late?”
I caught his words and immediately retorted. Kamian ‘s eyes narrowed slightly. I was slightly taken aback by that subtle change in expression.
“If you have something to say, say it now. Don’t make me wait.”
“…To be so straightforward…”
“If it’s difficult to speak openly, then write a letter and Liv it on my desk.”
No matter how much I shook and scolded, isn’t this reaction a bit too much? No, even if I curse and raise my voice saying that nothing will go well near me, there’s nothing to say…
Disappointment and remorse collided, creating confusion in my mind. However, the disappointment didn’t last long, as it quickly retreated to a corner. The overwhelming guilt weighing heavily on my heart was immense.
I let out a deep sigh while wiggling my toes on the sofa. In truth, if I had apologized properly, Kamian wouldn’t have been this angry.
“…I’m sorry.”
“I understand.”
Kamian responded with an apologetic tone. Having been observing his actions all day, it was even more frustrating that he couldn’t perceive my true feelings. However… speaking so openly about it was out of the question. Usually, when you apologize, you’re supposed to express your perspective on the matter, right? Did I say those words because I wanted to let him know that I was sorry?
Even if he had ignored my apology, he wouldn’t have been as bewildered as he is now. Nevertheless, I resolved to offer a more sincere apology instead of getting into an argument.
“I apologize for accusing you of theft. And for casually touching your belongings. It was truly a mistake. I didn’t do it to taunt you.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s not like you’re saying sorry for touching my d*ck.
“Pardon?”
I asked, but instead of responding, Kamian put on his coat and walked out. Left alone, his words echoed relentlessly in my mind, raising countless question marks.
“Why are you acting like this towards me?”
Sitting alone on the couch, I pondered for a while. Even after lying down on the bed, guided by Debra’s hand, Kamian ‘s words wouldn’t Liv my thoughts.
Then, suddenly, one possibility came to mind.
“Do you no longer love me?”
Wasn’t he angry with me, but rather his feelings had grown cold? If the reason Kamian started treating me indifferently wasn’t because he was angry about the incident but because ‘affection’ had departed, then that, in fact, would be a positive development.
My emotions flipped like the back of a hand, and a bitter taste lingered in my mouth as my demeanor grew chillingly unyielding.
Yet, it’s bearable. In fact, I convinced myself that this was for the better. At some point, this was how things were meant to be, and it was only brought forward by an unexpected accident.
As the puzzle pieces fell into place, my mind settled and the speed of my thoughts became more serene. I pulled the blanket up to my chest and closed my eyes.
However, it seemed that my earlier remark to Kamian about not feeling sleepy had taken root. Sleep simply wouldn’t come. In the darkened room, my two eyes sparkled vividly.
No matter how I adjusted my posture, drowsiness wouldn’t settle upon my eyelids. Was there unfinished work… Ah, it seems that I didn’t exercise much today. That’s why I’m so energetic. Tomorrow, even if I have to push myself a little, I must run a long distance.
A few soft, unstable sections of terrain came to mind, where the inclines weren’t too steep. I divided the course into smaller sections. Even then, it would barely cover half the distance to the Academy. When will this feeble body become strong and robust? When will that day come?
The melancholy thoughts seeped in slowly due to the night air. I let out a deep sigh and expelled them. The fact that Kamian no longer liked me was already a significant accomplishment. There was no reason to delve into other gloomy musings here. It would be futile to raise a toast in such circumstances.
I gazed at the black ceiling and closed my eyes. At that moment, I heard footsteps on the wooden stairs, climbing up to the second floor. Reflexively, my body jolted upright. I felt as though I would open the door and dash out immediately, but then I relaxed my body, deflating like a balloon.
What could I possibly do now by looking at Kamian? There was nothing to say. If I had to choose my words carefully, perhaps something like, “You’ve been through a lot. Sleep well.” But opening the door and going out to greet her in the middle of the night just to utter those words would be a ludicrous act.
As I was about to lie back in bed, I heard a knocking sound. I was startled as if I had seen a ghost. It was extremely rare for Kamian to visit my room in the middle of the night. Except for occasions when I was bedridden and in need of nursing care or when I was conscious…
“Ah.”
There was one other possibility.
“Liv.”
A moist, sinking voice came from beyond the door. What should I do? How should I handle this? I turned my head and stared at the direction of the door.
Once or twice a year, Kamian would knock on my door in the middle of the night like this. Usually, she would be in a drunken state.
Kamian looked at me silently with an unreadable expression.
“You’re late today.”
Before long, Kamian said in a slow tone.
“How late?”
I caught his words and immediately retorted. Kamian ‘s eyes narrowed slightly. I was slightly taken aback by that subtle change in expression.
“If you have something to say, say it now. Don’t make me wait.”
“…To be so straightforward…”
“If it’s difficult to speak openly, then write a letter and Liv it on my desk.”
No matter how much I shook and scolded, isn’t this reaction a bit too much? No, even if I curse and raise my voice saying that nothing will go well near me, there’s nothing to say…
Disappointment and remorse collided, creating confusion in my mind. However, the disappointment didn’t last long, as it quickly retreated to a corner. The overwhelming guilt weighing heavily on my heart was immense.
I let out a deep sigh while wiggling my toes on the sofa. In truth, if I had apologized properly, Kamian wouldn’t have been this angry.
“…I’m sorry.”
“I understand.”
Kamian responded with an apologetic tone. Having been observing his actions all day, it was even more frustrating that he couldn’t perceive my true feelings. However… speaking so openly about it was out of the question. Usually, when you apologize, you’re supposed to express your perspective on the matter, right? Did I say those words because I wanted to let him know that I was sorry?
Even if he had ignored my apology, he wouldn’t have been as bewildered as he is now. Nevertheless, I resolved to offer a more sincere apology instead of getting into an argument.
“I apologize for accusing you of theft. And for casually touching your belongings. It was truly a mistake. I didn’t do it to taunt you.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s not like you’re saying sorry for touching my d*ck.
“Pardon?”
I asked, but instead of responding, Kamian put on his coat and walked out. Left alone, his words echoed relentlessly in my mind, raising countless question marks.
“Why are you acting like this towards me?”
Sitting alone on the couch, I pondered for a while. Even after lying down on the bed, guided by Debra’s hand, Kamian ‘s words wouldn’t Liv my thoughts.
Then, suddenly, one possibility came to mind.
“Do you no longer love me?”
Wasn’t he angry with me, but rather his feelings had grown cold? If the reason Kamian started treating me indifferently wasn’t because he was angry about the incident but because ‘affection’ had departed, then that, in fact, would be a positive development.
My emotions flipped like the back of a hand, and a bitter taste lingered in my mouth as my demeanor grew chillingly unyielding.
Yet, it’s bearable. In fact, I convinced myself that this was for the better. At some point, this was how things were meant to be, and it was only brought forward by an unexpected accident.
As the puzzle pieces fell into place, my mind settled and the speed of my thoughts became more serene. I pulled the blanket up to my chest and closed my eyes.
However, it seemed that my earlier remark to Kamian about not feeling sleepy had taken root. Sleep simply wouldn’t come. In the darkened room, my two eyes sparkled vividly.
No matter how I adjusted my posture, drowsiness wouldn’t settle upon my eyelids. Was there unfinished work… Ah, it seems that I didn’t exercise much today. That’s why I’m so energetic. Tomorrow, even if I have to push myself a little, I must run a long distance.
A few soft, unstable sections of terrain came to mind, where the inclines weren’t too steep. I divided the course into smaller sections. Even then, it would barely cover half the distance to the Academy. When will this feeble body become strong and robust? When will that day come?
The melancholy thoughts seeped in slowly due to the night air. I let out a deep sigh and expelled them. The fact that Kamian no longer liked me was already a significant accomplishment. There was no reason to delve into other gloomy musings here. It would be futile to raise a toast in such circumstances.
I gazed at the black ceiling and closed my eyes. At that moment, I heard footsteps on the wooden stairs, climbing up to the second floor. Reflexively, my body jolted upright. I felt as though I would open the door and dash out immediately, but then I relaxed my body, deflating like a balloon.
What could I possibly do now by looking at Kamian? There was nothing to say. If I had to choose my words carefully, perhaps something like, “You’ve been through a lot. Sleep well.” But opening the door and going out to greet her in the middle of the night just to utter those words would be a ludicrous act.
As I was about to lie back in bed, I heard a knocking sound. I was startled as if I had seen a ghost. It was extremely rare for Kamian to visit my room in the middle of the night. Except for occasions when I was bedridden and in need of nursing care or when I was conscious…
“Ah.”
There was one other possibility.
“Liv.”
A moist, sinking voice came from beyond the door. What should I do? How should I handle this? I turned my head and stared at the direction of the door.
Once or twice a year, Kamian would knock on my door in the middle of the night like this. Usually, she would be in a drunken state.
