The motorbike had hardly come to a stop in front of the house when Keary was already pulling Cardin off the vehicle and indoors. In his haste, he almost broke down the front door, ignoring the younger boy's protests as he dragged him up the stairs to the bathroom, pushed him into the shower and proceeded to turn the water on over him at full blast. Hit by the sudden cold, Cardin gasped.
Has he gone mad?? I'm still fully clothed! "Keary! What–"
"The gasoline," Keary muttered, rubbing Cardin’s arm as if attempting to scrub the substance off his sleeve. "We need to get the gasoline off you. It's toxic."
"I get that, but– wait! Ow!” The water had now turned too hot. Cardin winced.
Seeing this, Keary gripped the blonde’s shoulders, silver eyes wide and anxious. "Are you hurt?? Did he hurt you??"
“No, it’s not that, the water–” He pushed against Keary’s shoulder, then blinked in shock as his palms came away crimson. “Wha–? You’re bleeding!”
Shaking his head impatiently, Keary said, “It’s fine. We need to get you clean–”
“But you’re bleeding!” Cardin stepped closer, his hands already pulling at the dark-haired boy’s coat. “Were you injured? Your wounds–”
“That’s not important. You–”
“But Keary, if you're hurt, we have to–”
His words were cut off as he was suddenly enveloped in a tight embrace, and the smell of smoke, mixed with Keary’s scent. Strong arms encircled him and pressed him against a solid chest, a chest in which Cardin could feel a heart racing.
“It doesn’t matter.” Keary’s voice next to his ear was so low it seemed to tremble. “It really doesn’t matter at all, so long as you’re safe. I just need you to be safe.”
For a long while, they stood there, the water showering down on them, trickling through the dark and fair hair to warmly caress their skin as it soaked into their clothes. In time, Cardin felt the heartbeat against his grow steady. He wanted to wrap his arms around Keary and hold him close, but was afraid to cause the other boy more pain on his open wounds.
The dark-haired boy pulled back, his eyes not meeting Cardin's. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you to it.” He adjusted the temperature of the water and stepped out, dripping a trail of pink-stained puddles. Before Cardin could say anything, the bathroom door had already clicked quietly shut.
……
When he had washed all traces of gasoline off himself, Cardin stepped out into the hallway to find the door to Keary’s bedroom slightly ajar. Peering inside, he could see his housemate sitting on the floor with his back to the entrance, his top bare. The deep, red slashes stood out starkly on the white skin, and Cardin could see that some of them had reopened and were leaking blood even as the dark-haired boy tried to stem the flow.
Pushing the door open, Cardin knocked softly. “Keary?”
Hearing him, the older boy stopped. “I thought I closed it.” He sighed. “Now isn’t a good time, Cardin. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Still pushing me away. “Keary… let me help.”
A pause, followed by another sigh, before Keary gave a slow, reluctant nod. He was having some difficulty tending to one of the gashes on his back, and he didn’t want to wake Nigel up at this hour, not when his friend had already done so much for them earlier.
Cardin came in and knelt beside him, and the dark-haired boy instructed him on sterilising and dressing the wounds. As he applied the antiseptic ointment on the wounds, he felt Keary stiffen, but the dark-haired boy didn’t cry out, didn’t groan, didn’t make a sound. Cardin's heart twinged.
Why do you have to keep everything inside? Why must you fight to be so strong on your own all the time?
“So,” he started hesitantly, casting about for something to say, “who was that guy? He seemed to really have it in for you… Why?”
“Kaesar. He’s bent on taking revenge on me for his sister. And now he’s going to add the destruction of his aunt’s bar to his ledger.”
“‘Aunt’?”
“Edith.”
“Oh. Why do you know so many of his family?”
Keary shrugged. “It’s not like I sought them out. In fact, they were the ones who came looking for me.”
“So… what’d you do to his sister?” Cardin reeled as a sudden horrible thought occurred to him. “Did you– did you kill her??”
“Lisette is very much alive, at least when I last saw her.” Keary’s reply was flat, but he had seen the blue-eyed boy’s recoil at the very notion. His thoughts went back to the snowy night that he had found Cardin, and the teenaged pickpocket whose fingers he had severed only shortly before that. He could still hear the broken sob in Lisette’s voice.
Hurting people… killing! So casually…
So much darkness… Too much darkness… I don't want to be this way, but I had no other way to live…
“I’m not a good person, Cardin, if you haven’t yet realised.” He spoke so softly that his words would have been lost if not for the quiet of the room. “There’s a reason why I’m living here by myself, alone.”
Cardin didn’t stop working, focused on the wound he was dressing on Keary’s arm. “I know that you’ve been nothing but good to me.”
“We both know that’s not true. I hurt you. I attacked you.”
“You were trying to protect me. And, well,” the blonde’s voice took on a light tone, “I hate to brag but, I was the one who attacked you first, if you recall.” He smiled up at the other boy, a twinkle in the brilliant blue eyes. “Almost got you.”
Caught off-guard, Keary snorted a laugh and looked away. “Sure you did,” he said, then sobered. “You do fight well. But…” His silver eyes hardened as he remembered how he had pinned the younger boy down on the ground, helpless to even struggle; how close Kaesar’s knife had come to impaling Cardin, curled up tight on the floor of the bar and covered in gasoline, so close that Keary himself had doubted whether he would be able to intercept it, even as he had flung his dagger forward with a strength fuelled by desperation. He knew now that Cardin was good enough a fighter to handle the average thug or henchman, maybe even a few at a time, but now that Kaesar was out for blood…
Cardin watched the change of expression on Keary’s face with apprehension. “Kear–”
“It’s still not safe for you here. You really… need to leave.” He looked up at Cardin, argent eyes pleading. “Before something happens to you that we’ll both regret. There is no future you can have with me in which you won’t end up dead, or worse.”
The intensity of the anguish on his face caught Cardin’s voice in his throat, the playful grin dying on his lips. He’d fought to prove himself to Keary, but hadn’t been able to change his mind. Nothing had changed. Abstractedly, he noticed there were still soot stains on the handsome face in front of him.
Unable to bear the cerulean scrutiny on him any longer, Keary turned away. “Just go. Please, just go. Please.”
Still pushing me away. Always pushing me away.
Face averted, Keary couldn’t see the blonde bite his lower lip, chin trembling, but after a long, long moment of deathly quiet, he heard the boy take a deep breath and leave the bedroom, heading back to his own. Exhaling heavily, he dropped his head into his hands.
If only one of us can be saved, then let it be him. There’s no hope left for me; I’ll only drag him down together with me to hell. If nothing else, let me do just this one thing right.
He pressed his palm hard into his chest, trying to quell the stabbing ache welling up within it.
Salvation will never come for me.
He heard the return of Cardin’s footsteps, and spoke without looking at him. “I’ll give Nigel a call once it’s not too early, and ask if you can stay at his place for awhile. Actually, his father is a diplomat, he might be able to–”
“Look at me.” A hand reached from behind him and across his shoulders to softly cup his cheek. Startled, Keary whipped around to find Cardin kneeling beside him again, this time with a small towel in hand, and sat frozen as the blonde boy brought the white cloth to his face and began to wipe it gently.
“You’ve got soot everywhere,” the golden-haired boy murmured, leaning in close. “I’m sure that’s toxic too. Oops, this one’s stuck.” He rubbed at a stubborn spot, and smiled when Keary winced and jerked his chin back slightly in an uncharacteristically child-like gesture. “Sorry, I touched a bruise.”
Keary remained silent. Right at that moment, he didn’t trust himself to speak.
As he cleaned the face in his hands, Cardin continued. “You know, you keep telling me to leave, but… your eyes are honest. They say something else. ‘Don’t go.’ ‘Don’t leave.’ ‘Stay.’” The blue eyes followed the path of the white towel across Keary’s face for a few more moments before finally meeting the silver gaze. “Am I wrong?”
The motorbike had hardly come to a stop in front of the house when Keary was already pulling Cardin off the vehicle and indoors. In his haste, he almost broke down the front door, ignoring the younger boy's protests as he dragged him up the stairs to the bathroom, pushed him into the shower and proceeded to turn the water on over him at full blast. Hit by the sudden cold, Cardin gasped.
Has he gone mad?? I'm still fully clothed! "Keary! What–"
"The gasoline," Keary muttered, rubbing Cardin’s arm as if attempting to scrub the substance off his sleeve. "We need to get the gasoline off you. It's toxic."
"I get that, but– wait! Ow!” The water had now turned too hot. Cardin winced.
Seeing this, Keary gripped the blonde’s shoulders, silver eyes wide and anxious. "Are you hurt?? Did he hurt you??"
“No, it’s not that, the water–” He pushed against Keary’s shoulder, then blinked in shock as his palms came away crimson. “Wha–? You’re bleeding!”
Shaking his head impatiently, Keary said, “It’s fine. We need to get you clean–”
“But you’re bleeding!” Cardin stepped closer, his hands already pulling at the dark-haired boy’s coat. “Were you injured? Your wounds–”
“That’s not important. You–”
“But Keary, if you're hurt, we have to–”
His words were cut off as he was suddenly enveloped in a tight embrace, and the smell of smoke, mixed with Keary’s scent. Strong arms encircled him and pressed him against a solid chest, a chest in which Cardin could feel a heart racing.
“It doesn’t matter.” Keary’s voice next to his ear was so low it seemed to tremble. “It really doesn’t matter at all, so long as you’re safe. I just need you to be safe.”
For a long while, they stood there, the water showering down on them, trickling through the dark and fair hair to warmly caress their skin as it soaked into their clothes. In time, Cardin felt the heartbeat against his grow steady. He wanted to wrap his arms around Keary and hold him close, but was afraid to cause the other boy more pain on his open wounds.
The dark-haired boy pulled back, his eyes not meeting Cardin's. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you to it.” He adjusted the temperature of the water and stepped out, dripping a trail of pink-stained puddles. Before Cardin could say anything, the bathroom door had already clicked quietly shut.
……
When he had washed all traces of gasoline off himself, Cardin stepped out into the hallway to find the door to Keary’s bedroom slightly ajar. Peering inside, he could see his housemate sitting on the floor with his back to the entrance, his top bare. The deep, red slashes stood out starkly on the white skin, and Cardin could see that some of them had reopened and were leaking blood even as the dark-haired boy tried to stem the flow.
Pushing the door open, Cardin knocked softly. “Keary?”
Hearing him, the older boy stopped. “I thought I closed it.” He sighed. “Now isn’t a good time, Cardin. I’ll be with you in a minute.”
Still pushing me away. “Keary… let me help.”
A pause, followed by another sigh, before Keary gave a slow, reluctant nod. He was having some difficulty tending to one of the gashes on his back, and he didn’t want to wake Nigel up at this hour, not when his friend had already done so much for them earlier.
Cardin came in and knelt beside him, and the dark-haired boy instructed him on sterilising and dressing the wounds. As he applied the antiseptic ointment on the wounds, he felt Keary stiffen, but the dark-haired boy didn’t cry out, didn’t groan, didn’t make a sound. Cardin's heart twinged.
Why do you have to keep everything inside? Why must you fight to be so strong on your own all the time?
“So,” he started hesitantly, casting about for something to say, “who was that guy? He seemed to really have it in for you… Why?”
“Kaesar. He’s bent on taking revenge on me for his sister. And now he’s going to add the destruction of his aunt’s bar to his ledger.”
“‘Aunt’?”
“Edith.”
“Oh. Why do you know so many of his family?”
Keary shrugged. “It’s not like I sought them out. In fact, they were the ones who came looking for me.”
“So… what’d you do to his sister?” Cardin reeled as a sudden horrible thought occurred to him. “Did you– did you kill her??”
“Lisette is very much alive, at least when I last saw her.” Keary’s reply was flat, but he had seen the blue-eyed boy’s recoil at the very notion. His thoughts went back to the snowy night that he had found Cardin, and the teenaged pickpocket whose fingers he had severed only shortly before that. He could still hear the broken sob in Lisette’s voice.
Hurting people… killing! So casually…
So much darkness… Too much darkness… I don't want to be this way, but I had no other way to live…
“I’m not a good person, Cardin, if you haven’t yet realised.” He spoke so softly that his words would have been lost if not for the quiet of the room. “There’s a reason why I’m living here by myself, alone.”
Cardin didn’t stop working, focused on the wound he was dressing on Keary’s arm. “I know that you’ve been nothing but good to me.”
“We both know that’s not true. I hurt you. I attacked you.”
“You were trying to protect me. And, well,” the blonde’s voice took on a light tone, “I hate to brag but, I was the one who attacked you first, if you recall.” He smiled up at the other boy, a twinkle in the brilliant blue eyes. “Almost got you.”
Caught off-guard, Keary snorted a laugh and looked away. “Sure you did,” he said, then sobered. “You do fight well. But…” His silver eyes hardened as he remembered how he had pinned the younger boy down on the ground, helpless to even struggle; how close Kaesar’s knife had come to impaling Cardin, curled up tight on the floor of the bar and covered in gasoline, so close that Keary himself had doubted whether he would be able to intercept it, even as he had flung his dagger forward with a strength fuelled by desperation. He knew now that Cardin was good enough a fighter to handle the average thug or henchman, maybe even a few at a time, but now that Kaesar was out for blood…
Cardin watched the change of expression on Keary’s face with apprehension. “Kear–”
“It’s still not safe for you here. You really… need to leave.” He looked up at Cardin, argent eyes pleading. “Before something happens to you that we’ll both regret. There is no future you can have with me in which you won’t end up dead, or worse.”
The intensity of the anguish on his face caught Cardin’s voice in his throat, the playful grin dying on his lips. He’d fought to prove himself to Keary, but hadn’t been able to change his mind. Nothing had changed. Abstractedly, he noticed there were still soot stains on the handsome face in front of him.
Unable to bear the cerulean scrutiny on him any longer, Keary turned away. “Just go. Please, just go. Please.”
Still pushing me away. Always pushing me away.
Face averted, Keary couldn’t see the blonde bite his lower lip, chin trembling, but after a long, long moment of deathly quiet, he heard the boy take a deep breath and leave the bedroom, heading back to his own. Exhaling heavily, he dropped his head into his hands.
If only one of us can be saved, then let it be him. There’s no hope left for me; I’ll only drag him down together with me to hell. If nothing else, let me do just this one thing right.
He pressed his palm hard into his chest, trying to quell the stabbing ache welling up within it.
Salvation will never come for me.
He heard the return of Cardin’s footsteps, and spoke without looking at him. “I’ll give Nigel a call once it’s not too early, and ask if you can stay at his place for awhile. Actually, his father is a diplomat, he might be able to–”
“Look at me.” A hand reached from behind him and across his shoulders to softly cup his cheek. Startled, Keary whipped around to find Cardin kneeling beside him again, this time with a small towel in hand, and sat frozen as the blonde boy brought the white cloth to his face and began to wipe it gently.
“You’ve got soot everywhere,” the golden-haired boy murmured, leaning in close. “I’m sure that’s toxic too. Oops, this one’s stuck.” He rubbed at a stubborn spot, and smiled when Keary winced and jerked his chin back slightly in an uncharacteristically child-like gesture. “Sorry, I touched a bruise.”
Keary remained silent. Right at that moment, he didn’t trust himself to speak.
As he cleaned the face in his hands, Cardin continued. “You know, you keep telling me to leave, but… your eyes are honest. They say something else. ‘Don’t go.’ ‘Don’t leave.’ ‘Stay.’” The blue eyes followed the path of the white towel across Keary’s face for a few more moments before finally meeting the silver gaze. “Am I wrong?”
