Hello friends and lovers!
HAPPY CHAPPY DAY
EXTRA long Chappy today! Hope you ALL enjoy!!!
Content Warning:
SpoilerDiscussion of cultivation magic that can be used to take away someone's agency/implant suggestions/violate their will AND can force them to answer questions. A soul/mind attack that forces someone to accept a compulsion/new truth that hurts them to deny. Soul attack with tendrils piecing skin/Amwella. A character using magical tattoos that bring back trauma past/scare lover.
[collapse]
I reach up. Don’t feel anything. “Do I? I don’t remember…”
“Let me see, please?”
I move from my little spot between Yrelia and Tasii to sit between Kque and Jevita, back facing away from the table. Kque carefully pulls my hair aside and–
“J— Jevy?” She whispers, real fear that sends a rush of cold down my spine.
Never heard that pet name for Jevita.
“Yeah?” Jevita is suddenly leaning over, freezing.
“Is… is this!?!”
“...Yeah. Fuck.”
“What?” Yrelia asks, the worry in all their tones worries me as Kque’s warm hands brush over something on my left temple. “What is it?”
“Cultivation mark, small but… yeah that’s…” Jevita touches it. “If Ina had sparkles on her skin like you Kque we’d miss it.”
“What!?!” Tasii almost bolts upright.
“Huh?” I am so fucking confused, but terrified at their tones. “What… is it a leftover from six months ago or…”
I see Kque shake her head. “No… I noted everything I found. You didn’t have this… um… like three weeks back last I checked you over.”
“What’s it from then?”
Jevita pulls me to face her again. “Ina, do you remember anything weird from last night? Any weird jewelry or… like… did he touch this part of your head with a ring or anything?”
“No… but… he did have a crystal before we went to sleep.” I murmur, cold fear beginning to roll through me. “He said it was the first gemstone he ever found or something, but told me it didn’t work.”
“Did he have it in the bed?”
I nod.
“Can you describe it?” She presses, finger places around and tracing… tracing… something.
“Jevita?” Kque warns.
Jevita only murmurs, “I’ll need to delve into the stacks, but I can find out what it was.”
“No.” Kque nearly hisses.
“We need to know, Kque!” Jevita growls, and it's… frustrated. Almost pained. “This fuck might have… I don’t know. Really fucking hurt her.”
“What… what are you talking about?” I whisper through the fear at hearing them both so scared.
“Mind Cultivation.” She states flatly. “Very fucking horrid, and very fucking illegal.”
Did… did this fucker mess with my head? Why… Why would he…
“What are the stacks?” Tasii asks.
“I’ll explain in a second.” Jevita whispers, focused. “Now, describe the crystal. Everything you remember. Little details are important.”
“Um…” I try to focus too, “About as long as my ring finger, but twice as thick. Green and blue and… um… looked to have sparkles inside.”
I pause.
Jevita seems to shake a little, the other hand takes mine. “Did it look rough and uncut, or polished with clean edges?”
“Clean and polished, like it could be put on a pretty necklace if he wanted. But too big for a ring.”
She nods. “Give me a few moments…”
Kque reaches out, wraps an arm around Jevita’s. “Please, be safe.” She whispers. “Don’t get distracted.”
Jevita takes a deep breath. “I won’t.”
Then her eyes go… weird. Distant. Hand begins to trace along my skin with… I don’t know. More control and precision. Almost like she’s finding little lines beneath the skin. Then the little marking across her begin to… well not shine. But glimmer a bit. I swear I notice little wiggles of light rushing along them.
“You mentioned head pain when you woke up. Was it different from normal?” She suddenly asks, voice quick and clipped.
“Ye… Yes. Cold. Like someone hit me with a block of ice.”
“Weird dreams?”
“Um…”
“Weirder than normal. Odd structures or people or…”
I pause, fear rolling cold and terrible down my spine. “No.”
“Okay then–”
“No! I mean… I don’t think I had any dreams!” I almost yelp. “She’s… I mean I often struggle to remember all the little details. But I do remember that I had them! But last night… nothing. Absolutely no contact with Her.”
Jevita doesn’t respond. Just… goes quiet. Then she’s murmuring things, so fast I only catch a little of what she’s saying.
“43 possibles, 13 in the restricted sections. I’ll leave those for last.”
“...”
“15 easily dropped, and… ten more require heavy modification to even be possible as a side effect of the change.”
“...”
“No… none of these even come close. I’m sorry Kque, but… I have to go over the restricted tomes.”
I start to ask Kque something, but she almost looks to be in tears as she rests her head on Jevita’s shoulder.
“Can avoid these ten. They all need the subject to be awake. So…”
“...”
Then she’s back, breathing heavily and shaking a little.
“Jevy…” Kque whispers, takes her face in her hands.
“I’m back, I’m here.” Jevita pants, “Just… fuck. Fucking… been a while since…”
“I know. Please stay.”
“I am, I will.” Jevita releases my face to pull Kque close. “Fuck…”
“Did… what did you just do?” Yrelia whispers carefully.
“I have a mind palace identical to one of the family's old private libraries.” She states briskly.
“Mind… what?”
“Eidetic memory.” She traces a finger over one of her arms. “It’s what these are. Perfect recall marks for about thirteen thousand tomes, research notes, and a few fictions.”
Kque whispers. “You… You don’t need to explain.”
She pulls Kque close and kisses her on the forehead. “It… It helps to have them know. To… to know they’ll care. And I… I can’t let this fuck hurt our Ina.”
“So…” Tasii presses, “Do you know what he did?”
Jevita grimaces. “Well… good news is that I think she’ll be okay. She… has experience with dream fuckery and seems to be resistant to the side effects of this.”
“And the bad news?” I whisper, squeezing her leg in comfort and fear.
“I… If I’m right, which I’m pretty sure I am from the details you’ve given…” She pauses, takes a deep steadying breath. “Crude term the study used was that it was a dream based suggestion stone. It… it was made illegal about three hundred years ago when they discovered the second of its kind. Both were shattered and buried.”
“So… what did he actually do to me?”
“I think he just… used it on you and forced you to talk to him while you slept. Asked you questions you’d be ready to answer as if to your own mind or a trusted friend.” She explains. “The deeper you slept and the more you trusted him, the easier time he’d have getting you to open up.”
“Wh… then…” I look down, remembering… remembering… “He seemed really really interested in how my leg got hurt before I passed out. Even insisted I take my stone one off. I didn’t tell him much. But when I woke up… he mentioned that he knew I was attacked because I’m Sun Spoken.”
“Yeah that… yeah he could get you to tell him that.”
“What are the side effects you mentioned?” Yrelia asks.
Jevita sighs, first signs of relief. “It’s safe to assume she doesn’t have any. The study implied long term exposure can lead to the subject becoming incredibly suggestible. Easy to command and control.”
I can’t help but giggle in fear and horror and annoyance. “Well… yeah I kinda told him to fuck off first thing the next morning. So I think I at least don’t need to worry about that.”
Jevita nods. “Good. Good…”
A long pause passes. I can’t help but shutter and lean forward. “So… he could have.. Like… asked me anything?”
Kque and Jevita shift, arms wrap around me.
“He… knows that… that I was...” I start to shake. Rage and horror boiling as the word catches in my through.
“Hey hey hey.” Yrelia calls from across the table, rises to move to kneel in front of me. “They didn’t seem to know! I heard that fucks surprise at your words before we left.”
“B…but Jutic.” I hiss. “She… she called me–”
Yrelia shakes her head, takes my hands as Kque and Jevita smush me between them. “I don’t think they actually understand what you said, Ina.”
“She literally called me boy.” I spit through a building sob.
Oh fuck the word hurts. I have to take another few breaths before I can steady my mind.
“Well… what did she say before that?” Yrelia presses.
“Huh?”
“She said, we’re not your enemies, after her master tried to recruit you to help them. Her master is literally an Arudian Male.” She strokes my cheek. “Calling him anything but that probably bothers him as much as this does for you, right?”
“So?” I murmur, “Just means Jutic knows how to hurt me.”
“But that’s not what she was trying to do there!” Yrelia exclaims, “She was trying to smooth things over, not rile you up.”
“I… so why say that?” I wipe my tears.
“Because, Ina.” She takes my hands, kisses my fingers. “I think they believe you're an Arudian Male! Just… like… unchanged, and maybe in denial or hiding.”
That… fuck. FUCK!
“That fucking tracks,” Tasii murmurs, eyes distant and considering. “From what you said… about how comfortable you felt with him… How you knew all the right words and how to flatter him, all while claiming to never have been with an Arudian male.”
“Fuck.” I spit.
“But… the Mind Cultivation is fucking horrific. For him to… to violate her like that. Lure her in and…” Jevita hisses then trails off in nearly shaking rage.
I shudder, “I want to get as far away as possible please.”
That makes everyone jerk into motion, and before the hour is up, we’re leaving the second biggest city in all of Arudia. We don’t talk much during the packing and preparation, but… there seems to be a silent agreement between them to keep at least one person near me at all times. Holding my hand or wrapping me in warm hug snugs.
But… fucking of course. We have to stop for the night at a wayside inn barely a few hours out as an intense storm blows in. I really really want to keep going, but can’t imagine how we’d deal with the nearly half a foot of snow that has dropped in just the past hour.
“Stable is solid,” Jevita says as she shuts the door to our little crapped room. “I uh… think he’ll be good to sleep alone.”
Then we all just, slump together on and around the bed. Curl warm limbs around whatever others we can find. Each of my lovers ensure that at least one limb holds one of mine as sweet oblivion consumes us.
As dreams gather around me. I can’t help but chew on Jevita's words. On how… How a Sun Spoken could change things for the better for Arudian Men in these lands. Feel such guilt at how… how just the thought of sacrificing my safety and comfort made me so angry. Was I being selfish? Should… should I have said yes? Been willing to fight and risk my life for people like me?
* * *
*
But then I’m stumbling forward, almost as if I’ve tripped into the dreams we share. Knees hit something softish as fingers sink into… Ashes?
Ashes everywhere.
In the distance I can see old broken cities and blasted mountains. All laid low by… by something beyond my understanding. So I ignore the curious desire to delve too deep into those wandering thoughts. Such things could… could stir Her into shaping them.
But that’s not what dominates the landscape. Amidst the raging stars above, a single giant Arudian crystal cracks the sky and seems to bleed unnatural light around us.
Us.
With a flash I’m suddenly aware that She’s at my back. So solid and real and… and…
FURY rolls off her.
I jerk around, an eternity of arms writhe and curl around Her, eyes glare up at the violation that pierces the dream.
“I’m so sorry! Are… Are you okay?” I stammer, suddenly worried that Zin’s horrible stone might have hurt Her. Might have damaged the dream we share. I rise and try to approach, hands out and placating. “He did something while I slept and–”
Eyes snap down to mine, violet and brimming with sudden Fear.
HE!?!
I jerk away as that terror begins to bleed into me through our shared gaze. “An Arudian male. He was the one with the stone. He hired me to… to…”
Words trail off as something in them stills Her. Doesn’t cool the anger and fear that radiates off Her like a sun, only fuels them more.
He ravaged you?
“No! I agreed to it. He seemed sweet.” I stammer, try to approach closer. “Like me even! transgender. Born in the wrong body. We just–”
The dream bends, and suddenly I’m tumbling toward Her.
Willingly!?!
Her fury at this confuses me as I fall into Her. I glance up to try and understand what’s going on within those wonderful eyes. “What’s wrong? I mean… He did have this gemstone and we think he used it to–”
Then I feel her eternal arms curl around me, bring me close.
Such Terror and Fury in her movements. I reach up to… to try and comfort Her. “Please, Why does this matter? He had Amwella. I was able to feed just like you want me to. We should focus on–”
She hisses. Eyes are bleeding horrible black ooze now. Her gorgeous inner light smothered by… something. Some deep and horrid thing that I've never seen in Her.
In a second of memory, Emarial’s words flash through me. On how… how She really hates men. How other Sun Spoken who’d tried to have sex with men had… how she just said things ‘went badly’.
And for once, I really wish I cared enough to heed her warnings.
“Wait. Love, don’t… don’t focus on that! Focus on me. Listen to my voice!” I stammer, cradle her face. "Come back to me!"
Won’t let it infect you! Her will can barely form words now. Those eternal arms squeeze tighter, then drive into my dream flesh like an uncountable mass of horrible little fingers trying to–
I scream then, loud and sobbing and terrified as She burrows Herself deep into my soul. Begins to tear and search and–
Never again.
Not my Challa!
BE STILL AND LET ME GET THE WRETCHED AMWELLA OUT!!!
I whimper and… and try to trust Her. Go slack as She hits something, my soul of fire, and begins to peel something free of it amidst a shrike louder than my own cries.
FOUND IT! She shouts in furious joy.
A rip sounds, followed by a soul cracking pop! I curl around my aching spirit as She lowers me to the ashes quickly, but… not roughly. There is a flash, my waking body shudders at the sudden explosion of Amwella heat within my core that rolls through my still sleeping body.
Then She’s all around me again, looming over me with such worry and regret and terror. Eyes not… not free of the foul smelling tears, but… lessening.
“Why?” I flinch from Her. “Why did you need to do that?”
She envelops me with gentle limbs, pulling me close despite my shaking at Her touch. But soon I can’t help but lean into Her as such possessive love wafts through me. Helps ease my pain and terror.
Then I let my memories flow into Her.
She listens patiently, works to smother fury at my experiences and feelings toward Zin. Then… Then she almost radiates a… it's almost a smug expected sadness at how badly it all ended. At how I much I wanted to hate Zin. Then goes still as I explain Jevita’s discoveries on the violation above.
Clever… Our little lover. So broken, but-
“Don’t call her broken.” I demand, “She’s wonderful and perfect and… and…” I huff as I see my words roll past Her. “But... We’re leaving Arudia now anyway.”
She’s examining the memories, beginning to… to puzzle something together. Focuses on our store of Amwella. Seems to bubble and coo with such… Anticipation and Joy at the rich wellspring I’ve gathered.
…No. No we are not.
That makes me jerk. “ Wh– What? Why?”
You pulled us from killing a monster before. She begins to turn me, bores violet eyes into mine.
Memories flood back into me at her words…
Of the woman we killed, of her monster we spared… no… not a monster!
“He… it was an Arudian male? I fought you to let him live!?! He was innocent and just… just in the wrong place trying to enjoy his life and–”
Never again.
Black ichor boils from her into me. Then she’s forcing the words into my soul before searing them over to make their truths as real to me as the winter storm outside.
“Arudian men are parasites and monsters.”
“Wait! N– No!!! You’re wrong! They… they’re just like me!” I shout as Her own hatred is carved into my mind and soul. “They’re just my opposite. Just as hurt and abused and–”
But the words are set, and a thousand horrible icepicks of pain envelope my everything for a time as I refuse to accept them. Begin to tear and rip into me worse than her first command ever could. Seeming to… to eat at such a deeper part of me that differs from Her.
A flare of sudden Worry from Her as it becomes clear that this command is… is going to burn through me. She presses into me and tries to drag my thoughts away from it. Eventually needing to just… let me sit and glare down at the ashes. Spirit and mind still throbbing at Her new horrible command as I try to focus on our lover’s faces and warm memories to distract me.
It… It feels like hours pass. Maybe days. Maybe a few eternities spread between us then. As I WILL NOT accept this, and She will not even consider that what She did was wrong.
Much less… much less try to undo this.
But eventually Inspiration clicks on her tongue, and she’s kneeling to sit with me. Drawing up our memories to show me what Jevita hinted at. Pulls my attention up to the scar still weeping above. Horrific truths of the violation this monster had inflicted on us begin to flow through the dream.
I’m shown the weaving pathways of pain and damage and horrible intent such a dream stone requires. How She can still feel the echo of the crack and snap and hissing while the thing burrowed into our skull and mind. How… how continued usage would… would… eventually…
How many more women will this parasite violate? She purrs softly. Carefully, trying to… to ease me into changing my mind on Her command and intentions.
If Zin was so ready to use this fucking thing on me, some silly Hetaera who he suspected might be Sun Spoken… then… then how many others would he hurt? How many has he hurt already? I can’t help but consider Her will then. At… at the thought of Zin hurting anyone else… How… how maybe he is really a–
“What about our lovers?” I shudder as the command settles. As my mind begins to… to adjust its view of this one entity. “They’ll be so worried and upset and… and…”
We can be finished by sunrise, returned by midday at the latest. We can explain to them together why we did this.
“To– Together?”
Together. Promise Promise!
“But… Does he know how much damage that thing could do!?! How much it did?” I whimper. So scared and sad and still hurting at the things She’s shown me. "M- Maybe just... doesn't know?"
It does not matter. She presses, kneeling down to hold hands out toward me. Will you walk this path with me? Or will you leave his cruelty to chance?
I huff and sob, but take Her hands… Trusting my final lover to bring us back safely.
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BUT BE WARNED, it is dark and very much the opposite of Sun Spoken Turn in many ways. BIG sad/trauma!!!
Read the Content Warnings!
Hello friends and lovers!
HAPPY CHAPPY DAY
EXTRA long Chappy today! Hope you ALL enjoy!!!
Content Warning:
SpoilerDiscussion of cultivation magic that can be used to take away someone's agency/implant suggestions/violate their will AND can force them to answer questions. A soul/mind attack that forces someone to accept a compulsion/new truth that hurts them to deny. Soul attack with tendrils piecing skin/Amwella. A character using magical tattoos that bring back trauma past/scare lover.
[collapse]
I reach up. Don’t feel anything. “Do I? I don’t remember…”
“Let me see, please?”
I move from my little spot between Yrelia and Tasii to sit between Kque and Jevita, back facing away from the table. Kque carefully pulls my hair aside and–
“J— Jevy?” She whispers, real fear that sends a rush of cold down my spine.
Never heard that pet name for Jevita.
“Yeah?” Jevita is suddenly leaning over, freezing.
“Is… is this!?!”
“...Yeah. Fuck.”
“What?” Yrelia asks, the worry in all their tones worries me as Kque’s warm hands brush over something on my left temple. “What is it?”
“Cultivation mark, small but… yeah that’s…” Jevita touches it. “If Ina had sparkles on her skin like you Kque we’d miss it.”
“What!?!” Tasii almost bolts upright.
“Huh?” I am so fucking confused, but terrified at their tones. “What… is it a leftover from six months ago or…”
I see Kque shake her head. “No… I noted everything I found. You didn’t have this… um… like three weeks back last I checked you over.”
“What’s it from then?”
Jevita pulls me to face her again. “Ina, do you remember anything weird from last night? Any weird jewelry or… like… did he touch this part of your head with a ring or anything?”
“No… but… he did have a crystal before we went to sleep.” I murmur, cold fear beginning to roll through me. “He said it was the first gemstone he ever found or something, but told me it didn’t work.”
“Did he have it in the bed?”
I nod.
“Can you describe it?” She presses, finger places around and tracing… tracing… something.
“Jevita?” Kque warns.
Jevita only murmurs, “I’ll need to delve into the stacks, but I can find out what it was.”
“No.” Kque nearly hisses.
“We need to know, Kque!” Jevita growls, and it's… frustrated. Almost pained. “This fuck might have… I don’t know. Really fucking hurt her.”
“What… what are you talking about?” I whisper through the fear at hearing them both so scared.
“Mind Cultivation.” She states flatly. “Very fucking horrid, and very fucking illegal.”
Did… did this fucker mess with my head? Why… Why would he…
“What are the stacks?” Tasii asks.
“I’ll explain in a second.” Jevita whispers, focused. “Now, describe the crystal. Everything you remember. Little details are important.”
“Um…” I try to focus too, “About as long as my ring finger, but twice as thick. Green and blue and… um… looked to have sparkles inside.”
I pause.
Jevita seems to shake a little, the other hand takes mine. “Did it look rough and uncut, or polished with clean edges?”
“Clean and polished, like it could be put on a pretty necklace if he wanted. But too big for a ring.”
She nods. “Give me a few moments…”
Kque reaches out, wraps an arm around Jevita’s. “Please, be safe.” She whispers. “Don’t get distracted.”
Jevita takes a deep breath. “I won’t.”
Then her eyes go… weird. Distant. Hand begins to trace along my skin with… I don’t know. More control and precision. Almost like she’s finding little lines beneath the skin. Then the little marking across her begin to… well not shine. But glimmer a bit. I swear I notice little wiggles of light rushing along them.
“You mentioned head pain when you woke up. Was it different from normal?” She suddenly asks, voice quick and clipped.
“Ye… Yes. Cold. Like someone hit me with a block of ice.”
“Weird dreams?”
“Um…”
“Weirder than normal. Odd structures or people or…”
I pause, fear rolling cold and terrible down my spine. “No.”
“Okay then–”
“No! I mean… I don’t think I had any dreams!” I almost yelp. “She’s… I mean I often struggle to remember all the little details. But I do remember that I had them! But last night… nothing. Absolutely no contact with Her.”
Jevita doesn’t respond. Just… goes quiet. Then she’s murmuring things, so fast I only catch a little of what she’s saying.
“43 possibles, 13 in the restricted sections. I’ll leave those for last.”
“...”
“15 easily dropped, and… ten more require heavy modification to even be possible as a side effect of the change.”
“...”
“No… none of these even come close. I’m sorry Kque, but… I have to go over the restricted tomes.”
I start to ask Kque something, but she almost looks to be in tears as she rests her head on Jevita’s shoulder.
“Can avoid these ten. They all need the subject to be awake. So…”
“...”
Then she’s back, breathing heavily and shaking a little.
“Jevy…” Kque whispers, takes her face in her hands.
“I’m back, I’m here.” Jevita pants, “Just… fuck. Fucking… been a while since…”
“I know. Please stay.”
“I am, I will.” Jevita releases my face to pull Kque close. “Fuck…”
“Did… what did you just do?” Yrelia whispers carefully.
“I have a mind palace identical to one of the family's old private libraries.” She states briskly.
“Mind… what?”
“Eidetic memory.” She traces a finger over one of her arms. “It’s what these are. Perfect recall marks for about thirteen thousand tomes, research notes, and a few fictions.”
Kque whispers. “You… You don’t need to explain.”
She pulls Kque close and kisses her on the forehead. “It… It helps to have them know. To… to know they’ll care. And I… I can’t let this fuck hurt our Ina.”
“So…” Tasii presses, “Do you know what he did?”
Jevita grimaces. “Well… good news is that I think she’ll be okay. She… has experience with dream fuckery and seems to be resistant to the side effects of this.”
“And the bad news?” I whisper, squeezing her leg in comfort and fear.
“I… If I’m right, which I’m pretty sure I am from the details you’ve given…” She pauses, takes a deep steadying breath. “Crude term the study used was that it was a dream based suggestion stone. It… it was made illegal about three hundred years ago when they discovered the second of its kind. Both were shattered and buried.”
“So… what did he actually do to me?”
“I think he just… used it on you and forced you to talk to him while you slept. Asked you questions you’d be ready to answer as if to your own mind or a trusted friend.” She explains. “The deeper you slept and the more you trusted him, the easier time he’d have getting you to open up.”
“Wh… then…” I look down, remembering… remembering… “He seemed really really interested in how my leg got hurt before I passed out. Even insisted I take my stone one off. I didn’t tell him much. But when I woke up… he mentioned that he knew I was attacked because I’m Sun Spoken.”
“Yeah that… yeah he could get you to tell him that.”
“What are the side effects you mentioned?” Yrelia asks.
Jevita sighs, first signs of relief. “It’s safe to assume she doesn’t have any. The study implied long term exposure can lead to the subject becoming incredibly suggestible. Easy to command and control.”
I can’t help but giggle in fear and horror and annoyance. “Well… yeah I kinda told him to fuck off first thing the next morning. So I think I at least don’t need to worry about that.”
Jevita nods. “Good. Good…”
A long pause passes. I can’t help but shutter and lean forward. “So… he could have.. Like… asked me anything?”
Kque and Jevita shift, arms wrap around me.
“He… knows that… that I was...” I start to shake. Rage and horror boiling as the word catches in my through.
“Hey hey hey.” Yrelia calls from across the table, rises to move to kneel in front of me. “They didn’t seem to know! I heard that fucks surprise at your words before we left.”
“B…but Jutic.” I hiss. “She… she called me–”
Yrelia shakes her head, takes my hands as Kque and Jevita smush me between them. “I don’t think they actually understand what you said, Ina.”
“She literally called me boy.” I spit through a building sob.
Oh fuck the word hurts. I have to take another few breaths before I can steady my mind.
“Well… what did she say before that?” Yrelia presses.
“Huh?”
“She said, we’re not your enemies, after her master tried to recruit you to help them. Her master is literally an Arudian Male.” She strokes my cheek. “Calling him anything but that probably bothers him as much as this does for you, right?”
“So?” I murmur, “Just means Jutic knows how to hurt me.”
“But that’s not what she was trying to do there!” Yrelia exclaims, “She was trying to smooth things over, not rile you up.”
“I… so why say that?” I wipe my tears.
“Because, Ina.” She takes my hands, kisses my fingers. “I think they believe you're an Arudian Male! Just… like… unchanged, and maybe in denial or hiding.”
That… fuck. FUCK!
“That fucking tracks,” Tasii murmurs, eyes distant and considering. “From what you said… about how comfortable you felt with him… How you knew all the right words and how to flatter him, all while claiming to never have been with an Arudian male.”
“Fuck.” I spit.
“But… the Mind Cultivation is fucking horrific. For him to… to violate her like that. Lure her in and…” Jevita hisses then trails off in nearly shaking rage.
I shudder, “I want to get as far away as possible please.”
That makes everyone jerk into motion, and before the hour is up, we’re leaving the second biggest city in all of Arudia. We don’t talk much during the packing and preparation, but… there seems to be a silent agreement between them to keep at least one person near me at all times. Holding my hand or wrapping me in warm hug snugs.
But… fucking of course. We have to stop for the night at a wayside inn barely a few hours out as an intense storm blows in. I really really want to keep going, but can’t imagine how we’d deal with the nearly half a foot of snow that has dropped in just the past hour.
“Stable is solid,” Jevita says as she shuts the door to our little crapped room. “I uh… think he’ll be good to sleep alone.”
Then we all just, slump together on and around the bed. Curl warm limbs around whatever others we can find. Each of my lovers ensure that at least one limb holds one of mine as sweet oblivion consumes us.
As dreams gather around me. I can’t help but chew on Jevita's words. On how… How a Sun Spoken could change things for the better for Arudian Men in these lands. Feel such guilt at how… how just the thought of sacrificing my safety and comfort made me so angry. Was I being selfish? Should… should I have said yes? Been willing to fight and risk my life for people like me?
* * *
*
But then I’m stumbling forward, almost as if I’ve tripped into the dreams we share. Knees hit something softish as fingers sink into… Ashes?
Ashes everywhere.
In the distance I can see old broken cities and blasted mountains. All laid low by… by something beyond my understanding. So I ignore the curious desire to delve too deep into those wandering thoughts. Such things could… could stir Her into shaping them.
But that’s not what dominates the landscape. Amidst the raging stars above, a single giant Arudian crystal cracks the sky and seems to bleed unnatural light around us.
Us.
With a flash I’m suddenly aware that She’s at my back. So solid and real and… and…
FURY rolls off her.
I jerk around, an eternity of arms writhe and curl around Her, eyes glare up at the violation that pierces the dream.
“I’m so sorry! Are… Are you okay?” I stammer, suddenly worried that Zin’s horrible stone might have hurt Her. Might have damaged the dream we share. I rise and try to approach, hands out and placating. “He did something while I slept and–”
Eyes snap down to mine, violet and brimming with sudden Fear.
HE!?!
I jerk away as that terror begins to bleed into me through our shared gaze. “An Arudian male. He was the one with the stone. He hired me to… to…”
Words trail off as something in them stills Her. Doesn’t cool the anger and fear that radiates off Her like a sun, only fuels them more.
He ravaged you?
“No! I agreed to it. He seemed sweet.” I stammer, try to approach closer. “Like me even! transgender. Born in the wrong body. We just–”
The dream bends, and suddenly I’m tumbling toward Her.
Willingly!?!
Her fury at this confuses me as I fall into Her. I glance up to try and understand what’s going on within those wonderful eyes. “What’s wrong? I mean… He did have this gemstone and we think he used it to–”
Then I feel her eternal arms curl around me, bring me close.
Such Terror and Fury in her movements. I reach up to… to try and comfort Her. “Please, Why does this matter? He had Amwella. I was able to feed just like you want me to. We should focus on–”
She hisses. Eyes are bleeding horrible black ooze now. Her gorgeous inner light smothered by… something. Some deep and horrid thing that I've never seen in Her.
In a second of memory, Emarial’s words flash through me. On how… how She really hates men. How other Sun Spoken who’d tried to have sex with men had… how she just said things ‘went badly’.
And for once, I really wish I cared enough to heed her warnings.
“Wait. Love, don’t… don’t focus on that! Focus on me. Listen to my voice!” I stammer, cradle her face. "Come back to me!"
Won’t let it infect you! Her will can barely form words now. Those eternal arms squeeze tighter, then drive into my dream flesh like an uncountable mass of horrible little fingers trying to–
I scream then, loud and sobbing and terrified as She burrows Herself deep into my soul. Begins to tear and search and–
Never again.
Not my Challa!
BE STILL AND LET ME GET THE WRETCHED AMWELLA OUT!!!
I whimper and… and try to trust Her. Go slack as She hits something, my soul of fire, and begins to peel something free of it amidst a shrike louder than my own cries.
FOUND IT! She shouts in furious joy.
A rip sounds, followed by a soul cracking pop! I curl around my aching spirit as She lowers me to the ashes quickly, but… not roughly. There is a flash, my waking body shudders at the sudden explosion of Amwella heat within my core that rolls through my still sleeping body.
Then She’s all around me again, looming over me with such worry and regret and terror. Eyes not… not free of the foul smelling tears, but… lessening.
“Why?” I flinch from Her. “Why did you need to do that?”
She envelops me with gentle limbs, pulling me close despite my shaking at Her touch. But soon I can’t help but lean into Her as such possessive love wafts through me. Helps ease my pain and terror.
Then I let my memories flow into Her.
She listens patiently, works to smother fury at my experiences and feelings toward Zin. Then… Then she almost radiates a… it's almost a smug expected sadness at how badly it all ended. At how I much I wanted to hate Zin. Then goes still as I explain Jevita’s discoveries on the violation above.
Clever… Our little lover. So broken, but-
“Don’t call her broken.” I demand, “She’s wonderful and perfect and… and…” I huff as I see my words roll past Her. “But... We’re leaving Arudia now anyway.”
She’s examining the memories, beginning to… to puzzle something together. Focuses on our store of Amwella. Seems to bubble and coo with such… Anticipation and Joy at the rich wellspring I’ve gathered.
…No. No we are not.
That makes me jerk. “ Wh– What? Why?”
You pulled us from killing a monster before. She begins to turn me, bores violet eyes into mine.
Memories flood back into me at her words…
Of the woman we killed, of her monster we spared… no… not a monster!
“He… it was an Arudian male? I fought you to let him live!?! He was innocent and just… just in the wrong place trying to enjoy his life and–”
Never again.
Black ichor boils from her into me. Then she’s forcing the words into my soul before searing them over to make their truths as real to me as the winter storm outside.
“Arudian men are parasites and monsters.”
“Wait! N– No!!! You’re wrong! They… they’re just like me!” I shout as Her own hatred is carved into my mind and soul. “They’re just my opposite. Just as hurt and abused and–”
But the words are set, and a thousand horrible icepicks of pain envelope my everything for a time as I refuse to accept them. Begin to tear and rip into me worse than her first command ever could. Seeming to… to eat at such a deeper part of me that differs from Her.
A flare of sudden Worry from Her as it becomes clear that this command is… is going to burn through me. She presses into me and tries to drag my thoughts away from it. Eventually needing to just… let me sit and glare down at the ashes. Spirit and mind still throbbing at Her new horrible command as I try to focus on our lover’s faces and warm memories to distract me.
It… It feels like hours pass. Maybe days. Maybe a few eternities spread between us then. As I WILL NOT accept this, and She will not even consider that what She did was wrong.
Much less… much less try to undo this.
But eventually Inspiration clicks on her tongue, and she’s kneeling to sit with me. Drawing up our memories to show me what Jevita hinted at. Pulls my attention up to the scar still weeping above. Horrific truths of the violation this monster had inflicted on us begin to flow through the dream.
I’m shown the weaving pathways of pain and damage and horrible intent such a dream stone requires. How She can still feel the echo of the crack and snap and hissing while the thing burrowed into our skull and mind. How… how continued usage would… would… eventually…
How many more women will this parasite violate? She purrs softly. Carefully, trying to… to ease me into changing my mind on Her command and intentions.
If Zin was so ready to use this fucking thing on me, some silly Hetaera who he suspected might be Sun Spoken… then… then how many others would he hurt? How many has he hurt already? I can’t help but consider Her will then. At… at the thought of Zin hurting anyone else… How… how maybe he is really a–
“What about our lovers?” I shudder as the command settles. As my mind begins to… to adjust its view of this one entity. “They’ll be so worried and upset and… and…”
We can be finished by sunrise, returned by midday at the latest. We can explain to them together why we did this.
“To– Together?”
Together. Promise Promise!
“But… Does he know how much damage that thing could do!?! How much it did?” I whimper. So scared and sad and still hurting at the things She’s shown me. "M- Maybe just... doesn't know?"
It does not matter. She presses, kneeling down to hold hands out toward me. Will you walk this path with me? Or will you leave his cruelty to chance?
I huff and sob, but take Her hands… Trusting my final lover to bring us back safely.
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BUT BE WARNED, it is dark and very much the opposite of Sun Spoken Turn in many ways. BIG sad/trauma!!!
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