Hello friends and lovers!
MAPPY CHAPPY DAY!!!
WELCOME TO ARC 3 EVERYONE!!!
CW:
SpoilerTalk of childhood and muthers and being sold and bought and running away and not wanting to go home. Pressure to have a and bear a child and find a partner. Family expectations. Talk of being bought/adopted as a child. OH! And our first Yrelia POV!!!
[collapse]
Of course this barely took an hour.
I let out a huff as I spot the manor, slowing our steps a bit.
Fuck me.
“Um…” Jevita murmurs from my side as she adjusts her own bag of food. “Are… Is everything alright, Yrelia?”
I consider just… lying. Blaming tiredness or a headache or an approaching blood week to my sudden cold regard.
“No. But..." I wave at the manor. "That’s precisely why I mean to keep my distance from all that as possible.”
“Oh…” Jevita shuffles a bit, then reaches out to take my hand in hers again. “Okay. I… I’m here if you need anything.”
Bless her, she has no fucking clue what to say or how to help but thank FUCK that Jevita knows when not to push. Even… even if it’s more due to her finding the right words hard to find.
This was another reason it’s good I didn’t actually become a Hetaera. Tasii’s right, when I’m unhappy it just… bubbles out of me like one of her early cooking mistakes. A mess is made and if I’m not careful we’ll spend more time cleaning it up than enjoying the fucking meal.
“Thank you, Jevita.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “I’m going to probably try and turn in early, Could you make excuses for me if anyone asks?”
A pause, and Jevita slows us to a stop.
“Um… I mean… sure? But…” She turns to look up at me. “What do I even say?”
I sigh and sort of… glare ahead. “Good point. You’re worse at lying than Ina and… I’m not sure how to avoid either being a stinky pile in the corner of an otherwise wonderful evening or a mess that one of them will try to help figure out when I fuck off to avoid that.”
Jevita purses her lips. “I’m not worse than Ina at lying.”
I can’t help but give her a side eye, then smirk a little to try and cool any insult she might read from that.
Fuck, I’m such a cunt right now.
“Sorry Jevita, but… you see the problem? I’m horrible at the moment and am set to accidentally steal at least a bit of my lover’s happiness one way or the other.”
She huffs, and nods. “Yeah. Yeah… So… Do you um… wanna talk about it?”
I sigh. “No.”
A long pause.
“Wouldn’t talking help?” She asks.
I huff. “... Maybe.”
“So… I can drop all this off, and meet you out with Lule.” She reaches out to take the bag I carry. “I need to be with him tonight anyway so… it won’t be a big deal if we hang out there while the others figure out dinner things. Then we’ll decide what to do when it’s all ready.”
“Yeah.” I sigh and surrender to her idea. “Okay. Thanks.”
And then I go to share a stall with our big child while Jevita goes in to drop off the extra food we picked up. Lule is, as always, happy to see any of us. Especially since I snatched a few treats from the bags before Jevita went inside.
So I just get to stand about for a while, bribing this big silly Quelekita into nuzzling me at the promise of some sweet treats and very good scrutches. Eventually though there is a sort of kicking knock at the entrance to the little stable and a call to open the door.
And when I do it’s to my eternal relief that it’s still only Jevita with her hands full. Two steaming mugs of fudgebrew and a little basket balanced in her arms.
“What’s all that?”
“Dinner.” Jevita states as she moves past to begin settling the meal down on the pallet of soft blankets she’s laid out beside Lule.
“Okay... What did you tell them?”
She shrugs. “Not much. Just that I needed to have a quiet dinner with Lule and you wanted to keep me company.”
I sigh and look up at the ceiling with a groan. “Tasii saw right through you.”
She looks up to me, “And? She trusts us to deal with whatever this is. She might come to check in on us later but… is that such a problem?”
I lean against Lule, crossing my arms as I glare at the far wall. “I hate that.”
Jevita chuckles a little nervously. “I’m really confused right now, Yrelia. You seemed really happy this past week, and then the moment Kque and Tasii’s moms show up you’re suddenly… really upset.”
I don’t answer, just… lean into Lule’s warm feathers and give him more scrutches. Jevita moves to start pulling out food, letting the silence build and build until it’s full to bursting. I keep waiting for her to pop it with the obvious question but she doesn’t. Even fucking starts eating after preparing a pair of plates.
So with a very obvious sigh I move over to plop down across from her, start to pick at my plate without enjoying any of it. Finally letting the old pains and memories bubble up a bit.
“Did…” I pause to huff in annoyance at my own nonsense. “Do you know where I’m from, Jevita?”
She shakes her head. “Some port city, right? But… not one we’ve ever visited.”
I nod. “Yup. Exactly. Anything else? Has Kque told you more than that?”
“Just that you don’t want to go home.”
I snort. “The Paths are my home, Jevita.”
“Oh. Sorry.” She murmurs.
I sigh, “Don’t be. I’m being a stinky cunt and you’re nothing but very patient with me.”
She shrugs. “This bothers you, and while I can’t really relate, I can… understand you’re hurting and something about seeing Kque’s moms today seems to have triggered that.”
I wince. I’m such a stupid girl. Jevita has more right to be upset than me. She doesn’t even know who her mothers were, and the only people who could tell her are all abusive shits.
“I… Fuck Jevita it’s really REALLY stupid and petty and selfish of me to be upset. I really should just… get over myself and go in there and support my lovers. Even if I have to put on my Hetaera mask to do it.”
But she shakes her head. “Pain is never stupid, Yrelia. Would you tell that to Ina if she was hurting right now?”
I look down to my torn up plate of delicious food. “No, of course not. But it’s not the same. For all of you that pain would be justified and it’s honestly really fucking impressive how you’re all just… wonderful about this.”
Two girls who basically never had mothers, and another who needed to escape hers to find happiness.
And then there’s me…
“I grew up a rich bitch slated to inherit her mothers’ incredibly successful trading company, pampered and basically given whatever I wanted.”
A pause.
“You shouldn’t make excuses for them.” Jevita whispers.
I jerk up to stare. “I… But you said Kque didn’t tell you anything.”
She shrugs. “She didn’t. But like… You’re one of the only just… naturally happy people I’ve met, besides Ina. But honestly she’s learned that from you, I think.”
I can’t help the little blush and smile that pops up at that. At… at her giving me credit for our little temple girl’s unbound joy at just… finally finding the freedom this life fucking owed her.
“So… they must have done plenty wrong to get you this upset. To make you leave home and avoid going back even for a visit after all these years.” She finishes.
“I… it’s… Like… yeah?” I sigh and look down. “They wanted me to take over the life and business they built, and… and started… um… pushing me to find someone to partner up with. Bound Beloved and all that. Wanted me to make sure whoever I bound myself to would be an asset to it.”
Jevita pauses, “Oh. Wow. That’s… Yikes.”
“Yeah. I convinced them to pay for my Hetaera training and like… they did it because they thought it would be a wonderful way to ground me and temper my wild side. Get me to calm my tits and find a single lover or two to settle me. Even talked about like… ugh. Which of us would be the girl to carry the child and like… Of course it would be me. I'm the fucking mess of a girl.”
“Fuck.” Jevita spits after I trail off. “That’s… I mean I wouldn’t know but… that sounds really eck and abnormal?”
I sigh. “Depends on the moms but… yeah. It was very pushy, and so I left. Just… It was the day my mentor, Vitana, and I agreed that being a Hetaera was probably not a thing I wanted and like… I was telling her about these two amazing girls I’d just met who seemed so happy walking the Paths and like… how much I wished I could go with them.”
A pause.
“She told me to go. So I did. I packed a bag, wrote a note, and left. Just… selfishly abandoned the life my moms worked so hard to build around me.”
Tears prickle, And… Now I’m stupid crying. Fuck.
Jevita sets down her mug and moves to sit next to me, takes my hand in silent support. Somehow sensing that I need to keep talking.
“And I can’t go back. No matter how much I’d like to see them. Because I fucking threw almost three decades of love and care and… and fucking investment back in their faces to just walk the Paths with the girls I've come to love.”
“I… I’m sure they’d… um… They’d just be really happy to see you again.”
I snort angrily. “Oh, once they met all of you they’d be over fucking joyed. Each and every one of you would be such a daughter. A perfect heiress to their little empire. But me? No. I’m just a stupid silly fuck-up who couldn’t even finish her Hetaera training. Just… Such a disappointment.”
Jevita squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry. But… I don’t think they’d be disappointed. Not when they see how happy you are.”
I sigh and pull up my lover's hand to kiss it. “That’s where you are wrong, Jevita dear. My moms have never been anything BUT disappointed in me. I’m the daughter they purchased specifically to be their heiress, and everything I do that doesn’t build up to that is just… a waste. And they made fucking sure I knew that.”
A pause of such still silence settles between us. Jevita’s eyes widen a bit.
“Wh- Wait. Purchased? Is that like… Lyttoral terminology for buying a pregnancy from the temple or…”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “Nope. It is not.”
Another long pause.
“I… but… How is that like… possible?” Jevita stammers. “How did they convince a mother to sell her daughter to them!?!”
Such a wretched thing to admit. That… that the woman who carried a daughter to term was willing to give me up for some coin.
“I don’t know. I never really asked for the details.” I whisper. “They just always said that pregnancy was too expensive a hassle at the time and since some poor girl was offering they just… said it was a wonderful investment. A great way to get a daughter without all the nonsense.”
“Yrelia I am so sorry.” Jevita wraps me in such a tight hug. “You’re… fuck you’ve always been this big scary and amazing girl who just… seemed too bright and almost like… unreal to me. Someone from a story brought to life!”
I snort through the tears. “I would hope so. A fuckton of time and money was put into making sure I’d–”
“No that’s…” Jevita reaches around to my cheek, pulls me to face her. “It’s just… you. Not the weird like… whatever your moms did. You’re just… you’ve grown into this bubbly wonderful girl in spite of anything they did. Molded yourself into you! If… if that makes sense?”
Moon and stars bless this girl. She’s just… stumbling into the right words.
I smile and hug her back. “Yeah. It… yeah you’re kinda right. Thank you Jevita.”
We just… sit like that for a while. Her all hard hugging support and me wanting to smush the fuck out of her but… being very careful.
Don’t wanna have a repeat of that first night we shared. Fuck me was… ugh was I just so stupid then. Didn’t know what to look for and just… thought her glyphs were overly sensitive and perfect for sex-play.
“Hey Yrelia?” Jevita whispers. Interrupting my spiral back into more of my fuck-ups.
“Mhm?” I murmur and place a very VERY careful kiss on her head.
“So like… why do seeing Kque’s moms get you upset? You've met them before. So... Is it like… do they remind you of your moms? Like… their personality or…”
I sigh and shake my head as she pulls back to look up at me. “No. It’s… no. Not at all.”
“Is it just like… all moms in general then?”
I laugh without any real mirth. “No. Fuck me would that make walking the Paths a nightmare. Just seeing a mom turning me into a cunt who has to go off and sulk.”
Jevita’s face scrunches into an expression of such confusion. “Then… what is it?”
“It’s because they are fucking perfect, Jevita. And seeing them here today just…” I look off and away as I whisper. “They let their feet lead them and hearts sing openly. But more than any of that, they support Kque and Tasii unconditionally. So long as those two girls are happy, they are just… delighted to bask in that. And it just… all hit me. All at once.”
A long pause.
“I’m jealous, Jevita. I’m bitter and furious and fucking… just… so full to bursting with spite. Not at them, but at myself. At… at how I couldn’t just be a good enough daughter to the two women who literally fucking BOUGHT me. How to just… try and be that girl would mean the slow and withering death of my soul. Just… just…”
Jevita pulls up my fingers to kiss them. “If they can’t support you in finding your own happiness then… well… you shouldn’t feel guilty walking away from them. It means they don’t deserve your love.”
That… I can’t help but laugh at that stupid fucking statement. “They’re fucking merchant baronesses, and I’m just some stupid girl of the Pa–”
“NO!” Jevita’s voice is suddenly a whip-crack of fury. Still soft but… something that I can do nothing but jerk and stop when I hear it. “Fuck that. They are the ones that chose to raise you, Yrelia, and if they couldn’t see you were unhappy, or give you the words to express that, or WORSE didn’t listen when you tried to tell them, then fuck them. They're not worthy of you! They failed you and lost the privilege to be in your life.”
I just… stare. Her words make sense and are totally things I told Ina but…
“I… that’s such a hard thing to feel, Jevita. Even if it’s right.”
“Which is why you have me and the others to remind you.” She nods, then pauses as her eyes go a little wide. “Fuck, Yrelia have you like… told either Kque and Tasii this? Ever like… talked about it to anyone?”
I look down and away, shake my head.
“Oh!” She very nearly yelps. “No wonder this hurts you so much. You’ve like… kept this bottled since you left.”
I nod.
“Fuck fuck fuck.” Jevita hisses, and pulls me into another hug. “Thank you for telling me. But… moon and stars, Yrelia, Tasii and Kque are way better with words than me and would love to help you with this. Would ADORE the chance to share their own moms’ love with you.”
I let out such a sigh and lean into her. “I don’t want to rob them of this. Ina stumbling into those four and bringing them home was just… too fucking perfect and like… I… I just can’t suddenly blurt out all my own nonsense.”
“Sure. Let the glimmer settle, but… seriously. Please?” She hugs me back so hard. “I want to help and will listen all night but… I’m not good with words and don’t really like… have personal context.”
“You’re honestly way better at this than you give yourself credit for.” I sigh, and wipe the stupid tears with the closest wrist. “But… I’ll think about it.”
Jevita huffs but… doesn’t push. Bless the girl. I do not want to argue the merits of ruining our lover’s happiness with this.
So we shuffle about and Jevita coaxes me into actually eating some dinner and drinking the now lukewarm fudgebrew she brought out for me.
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Hello friends and lovers!
MAPPY CHAPPY DAY!!!
WELCOME TO ARC 3 EVERYONE!!!
CW:
SpoilerTalk of childhood and muthers and being sold and bought and running away and not wanting to go home. Pressure to have a and bear a child and find a partner. Family expectations. Talk of being bought/adopted as a child. OH! And our first Yrelia POV!!!
[collapse]
Of course this barely took an hour.
I let out a huff as I spot the manor, slowing our steps a bit.
Fuck me.
“Um…” Jevita murmurs from my side as she adjusts her own bag of food. “Are… Is everything alright, Yrelia?”
I consider just… lying. Blaming tiredness or a headache or an approaching blood week to my sudden cold regard.
“No. But..." I wave at the manor. "That’s precisely why I mean to keep my distance from all that as possible.”
“Oh…” Jevita shuffles a bit, then reaches out to take my hand in hers again. “Okay. I… I’m here if you need anything.”
Bless her, she has no fucking clue what to say or how to help but thank FUCK that Jevita knows when not to push. Even… even if it’s more due to her finding the right words hard to find.
This was another reason it’s good I didn’t actually become a Hetaera. Tasii’s right, when I’m unhappy it just… bubbles out of me like one of her early cooking mistakes. A mess is made and if I’m not careful we’ll spend more time cleaning it up than enjoying the fucking meal.
“Thank you, Jevita.” I squeeze her hand in mine. “I’m going to probably try and turn in early, Could you make excuses for me if anyone asks?”
A pause, and Jevita slows us to a stop.
“Um… I mean… sure? But…” She turns to look up at me. “What do I even say?”
I sigh and sort of… glare ahead. “Good point. You’re worse at lying than Ina and… I’m not sure how to avoid either being a stinky pile in the corner of an otherwise wonderful evening or a mess that one of them will try to help figure out when I fuck off to avoid that.”
Jevita purses her lips. “I’m not worse than Ina at lying.”
I can’t help but give her a side eye, then smirk a little to try and cool any insult she might read from that.
Fuck, I’m such a cunt right now.
“Sorry Jevita, but… you see the problem? I’m horrible at the moment and am set to accidentally steal at least a bit of my lover’s happiness one way or the other.”
She huffs, and nods. “Yeah. Yeah… So… Do you um… wanna talk about it?”
I sigh. “No.”
A long pause.
“Wouldn’t talking help?” She asks.
I huff. “... Maybe.”
“So… I can drop all this off, and meet you out with Lule.” She reaches out to take the bag I carry. “I need to be with him tonight anyway so… it won’t be a big deal if we hang out there while the others figure out dinner things. Then we’ll decide what to do when it’s all ready.”
“Yeah.” I sigh and surrender to her idea. “Okay. Thanks.”
And then I go to share a stall with our big child while Jevita goes in to drop off the extra food we picked up. Lule is, as always, happy to see any of us. Especially since I snatched a few treats from the bags before Jevita went inside.
So I just get to stand about for a while, bribing this big silly Quelekita into nuzzling me at the promise of some sweet treats and very good scrutches. Eventually though there is a sort of kicking knock at the entrance to the little stable and a call to open the door.
And when I do it’s to my eternal relief that it’s still only Jevita with her hands full. Two steaming mugs of fudgebrew and a little basket balanced in her arms.
“What’s all that?”
“Dinner.” Jevita states as she moves past to begin settling the meal down on the pallet of soft blankets she’s laid out beside Lule.
“Okay... What did you tell them?”
She shrugs. “Not much. Just that I needed to have a quiet dinner with Lule and you wanted to keep me company.”
I sigh and look up at the ceiling with a groan. “Tasii saw right through you.”
She looks up to me, “And? She trusts us to deal with whatever this is. She might come to check in on us later but… is that such a problem?”
I lean against Lule, crossing my arms as I glare at the far wall. “I hate that.”
Jevita chuckles a little nervously. “I’m really confused right now, Yrelia. You seemed really happy this past week, and then the moment Kque and Tasii’s moms show up you’re suddenly… really upset.”
I don’t answer, just… lean into Lule’s warm feathers and give him more scrutches. Jevita moves to start pulling out food, letting the silence build and build until it’s full to bursting. I keep waiting for her to pop it with the obvious question but she doesn’t. Even fucking starts eating after preparing a pair of plates.
So with a very obvious sigh I move over to plop down across from her, start to pick at my plate without enjoying any of it. Finally letting the old pains and memories bubble up a bit.
“Did…” I pause to huff in annoyance at my own nonsense. “Do you know where I’m from, Jevita?”
She shakes her head. “Some port city, right? But… not one we’ve ever visited.”
I nod. “Yup. Exactly. Anything else? Has Kque told you more than that?”
“Just that you don’t want to go home.”
I snort. “The Paths are my home, Jevita.”
“Oh. Sorry.” She murmurs.
I sigh, “Don’t be. I’m being a stinky cunt and you’re nothing but very patient with me.”
She shrugs. “This bothers you, and while I can’t really relate, I can… understand you’re hurting and something about seeing Kque’s moms today seems to have triggered that.”
I wince. I’m such a stupid girl. Jevita has more right to be upset than me. She doesn’t even know who her mothers were, and the only people who could tell her are all abusive shits.
“I… Fuck Jevita it’s really REALLY stupid and petty and selfish of me to be upset. I really should just… get over myself and go in there and support my lovers. Even if I have to put on my Hetaera mask to do it.”
But she shakes her head. “Pain is never stupid, Yrelia. Would you tell that to Ina if she was hurting right now?”
I look down to my torn up plate of delicious food. “No, of course not. But it’s not the same. For all of you that pain would be justified and it’s honestly really fucking impressive how you’re all just… wonderful about this.”
Two girls who basically never had mothers, and another who needed to escape hers to find happiness.
And then there’s me…
“I grew up a rich bitch slated to inherit her mothers’ incredibly successful trading company, pampered and basically given whatever I wanted.”
A pause.
“You shouldn’t make excuses for them.” Jevita whispers.
I jerk up to stare. “I… But you said Kque didn’t tell you anything.”
She shrugs. “She didn’t. But like… You’re one of the only just… naturally happy people I’ve met, besides Ina. But honestly she’s learned that from you, I think.”
I can’t help the little blush and smile that pops up at that. At… at her giving me credit for our little temple girl’s unbound joy at just… finally finding the freedom this life fucking owed her.
“So… they must have done plenty wrong to get you this upset. To make you leave home and avoid going back even for a visit after all these years.” She finishes.
“I… it’s… Like… yeah?” I sigh and look down. “They wanted me to take over the life and business they built, and… and started… um… pushing me to find someone to partner up with. Bound Beloved and all that. Wanted me to make sure whoever I bound myself to would be an asset to it.”
Jevita pauses, “Oh. Wow. That’s… Yikes.”
“Yeah. I convinced them to pay for my Hetaera training and like… they did it because they thought it would be a wonderful way to ground me and temper my wild side. Get me to calm my tits and find a single lover or two to settle me. Even talked about like… ugh. Which of us would be the girl to carry the child and like… Of course it would be me. I'm the fucking mess of a girl.”
“Fuck.” Jevita spits after I trail off. “That’s… I mean I wouldn’t know but… that sounds really eck and abnormal?”
I sigh. “Depends on the moms but… yeah. It was very pushy, and so I left. Just… It was the day my mentor, Vitana, and I agreed that being a Hetaera was probably not a thing I wanted and like… I was telling her about these two amazing girls I’d just met who seemed so happy walking the Paths and like… how much I wished I could go with them.”
A pause.
“She told me to go. So I did. I packed a bag, wrote a note, and left. Just… selfishly abandoned the life my moms worked so hard to build around me.”
Tears prickle, And… Now I’m stupid crying. Fuck.
Jevita sets down her mug and moves to sit next to me, takes my hand in silent support. Somehow sensing that I need to keep talking.
“And I can’t go back. No matter how much I’d like to see them. Because I fucking threw almost three decades of love and care and… and fucking investment back in their faces to just walk the Paths with the girls I've come to love.”
“I… I’m sure they’d… um… They’d just be really happy to see you again.”
I snort angrily. “Oh, once they met all of you they’d be over fucking joyed. Each and every one of you would be such a daughter. A perfect heiress to their little empire. But me? No. I’m just a stupid silly fuck-up who couldn’t even finish her Hetaera training. Just… Such a disappointment.”
Jevita squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry. But… I don’t think they’d be disappointed. Not when they see how happy you are.”
I sigh and pull up my lover's hand to kiss it. “That’s where you are wrong, Jevita dear. My moms have never been anything BUT disappointed in me. I’m the daughter they purchased specifically to be their heiress, and everything I do that doesn’t build up to that is just… a waste. And they made fucking sure I knew that.”
A pause of such still silence settles between us. Jevita’s eyes widen a bit.
“Wh- Wait. Purchased? Is that like… Lyttoral terminology for buying a pregnancy from the temple or…”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “Nope. It is not.”
Another long pause.
“I… but… How is that like… possible?” Jevita stammers. “How did they convince a mother to sell her daughter to them!?!”
Such a wretched thing to admit. That… that the woman who carried a daughter to term was willing to give me up for some coin.
“I don’t know. I never really asked for the details.” I whisper. “They just always said that pregnancy was too expensive a hassle at the time and since some poor girl was offering they just… said it was a wonderful investment. A great way to get a daughter without all the nonsense.”
“Yrelia I am so sorry.” Jevita wraps me in such a tight hug. “You’re… fuck you’ve always been this big scary and amazing girl who just… seemed too bright and almost like… unreal to me. Someone from a story brought to life!”
I snort through the tears. “I would hope so. A fuckton of time and money was put into making sure I’d–”
“No that’s…” Jevita reaches around to my cheek, pulls me to face her. “It’s just… you. Not the weird like… whatever your moms did. You’re just… you’ve grown into this bubbly wonderful girl in spite of anything they did. Molded yourself into you! If… if that makes sense?”
Moon and stars bless this girl. She’s just… stumbling into the right words.
I smile and hug her back. “Yeah. It… yeah you’re kinda right. Thank you Jevita.”
We just… sit like that for a while. Her all hard hugging support and me wanting to smush the fuck out of her but… being very careful.
Don’t wanna have a repeat of that first night we shared. Fuck me was… ugh was I just so stupid then. Didn’t know what to look for and just… thought her glyphs were overly sensitive and perfect for sex-play.
“Hey Yrelia?” Jevita whispers. Interrupting my spiral back into more of my fuck-ups.
“Mhm?” I murmur and place a very VERY careful kiss on her head.
“So like… why do seeing Kque’s moms get you upset? You've met them before. So... Is it like… do they remind you of your moms? Like… their personality or…”
I sigh and shake my head as she pulls back to look up at me. “No. It’s… no. Not at all.”
“Is it just like… all moms in general then?”
I laugh without any real mirth. “No. Fuck me would that make walking the Paths a nightmare. Just seeing a mom turning me into a cunt who has to go off and sulk.”
Jevita’s face scrunches into an expression of such confusion. “Then… what is it?”
“It’s because they are fucking perfect, Jevita. And seeing them here today just…” I look off and away as I whisper. “They let their feet lead them and hearts sing openly. But more than any of that, they support Kque and Tasii unconditionally. So long as those two girls are happy, they are just… delighted to bask in that. And it just… all hit me. All at once.”
A long pause.
“I’m jealous, Jevita. I’m bitter and furious and fucking… just… so full to bursting with spite. Not at them, but at myself. At… at how I couldn’t just be a good enough daughter to the two women who literally fucking BOUGHT me. How to just… try and be that girl would mean the slow and withering death of my soul. Just… just…”
Jevita pulls up my fingers to kiss them. “If they can’t support you in finding your own happiness then… well… you shouldn’t feel guilty walking away from them. It means they don’t deserve your love.”
That… I can’t help but laugh at that stupid fucking statement. “They’re fucking merchant baronesses, and I’m just some stupid girl of the Pa–”
“NO!” Jevita’s voice is suddenly a whip-crack of fury. Still soft but… something that I can do nothing but jerk and stop when I hear it. “Fuck that. They are the ones that chose to raise you, Yrelia, and if they couldn’t see you were unhappy, or give you the words to express that, or WORSE didn’t listen when you tried to tell them, then fuck them. They're not worthy of you! They failed you and lost the privilege to be in your life.”
I just… stare. Her words make sense and are totally things I told Ina but…
“I… that’s such a hard thing to feel, Jevita. Even if it’s right.”
“Which is why you have me and the others to remind you.” She nods, then pauses as her eyes go a little wide. “Fuck, Yrelia have you like… told either Kque and Tasii this? Ever like… talked about it to anyone?”
I look down and away, shake my head.
“Oh!” She very nearly yelps. “No wonder this hurts you so much. You’ve like… kept this bottled since you left.”
I nod.
“Fuck fuck fuck.” Jevita hisses, and pulls me into another hug. “Thank you for telling me. But… moon and stars, Yrelia, Tasii and Kque are way better with words than me and would love to help you with this. Would ADORE the chance to share their own moms’ love with you.”
I let out such a sigh and lean into her. “I don’t want to rob them of this. Ina stumbling into those four and bringing them home was just… too fucking perfect and like… I… I just can’t suddenly blurt out all my own nonsense.”
“Sure. Let the glimmer settle, but… seriously. Please?” She hugs me back so hard. “I want to help and will listen all night but… I’m not good with words and don’t really like… have personal context.”
“You’re honestly way better at this than you give yourself credit for.” I sigh, and wipe the stupid tears with the closest wrist. “But… I’ll think about it.”
Jevita huffs but… doesn’t push. Bless the girl. I do not want to argue the merits of ruining our lover’s happiness with this.
So we shuffle about and Jevita coaxes me into actually eating some dinner and drinking the now lukewarm fudgebrew she brought out for me.
THANK YOU ALL so SO SO SO much for reading and comments and drinking in our soul songs!!!
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