Why did others have to make talking to them so difficult?
“Aww. How is your hair so pretty?” A woman in her thirties asked as she had the opportunity to talk to me. The answer was called leaving them alone and not mutilating them with the stuff she smeared onto hers.
“And you have really talked to the gods?” Yes, I obviously did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have known what they are for a bunch of assholes.
“And you and his majesty haven’t met before? There must really be a bond between his family and you.” No? It is a simple contract between me and a previous king that regulates that I was always the first queen. No shitty bond between me and the king for fucks sake.
But I already knew beforehand that this was going to be difficult, so I didn’t let my façade slip even once. Happily I entertained the so called guests, even though they looked more and more like leeches to me.
There were some exceptions though … the servant bringing me something to drink for example. He was nice.
Well, luckily the royal family wasn’t invited to this event as it would certainly end horrific with them around.
But there was one family I made great strides to ignore in the beginning, even though it hurt my heart a little.
The White’s family of three were in the ballroom as well, quite observant of me like everyone else, but definitely not as pushy.
Around twelve, after greeting most of the nobles already, I found a bit of free time in which nobody was trying to talk to me and strode towards them, a glass of apple juice in my hands.
“Is this seat empty?” I asked, pointing towards the luxurious seat right beside Luna.
“Sure thing … I kept it free for you the whole time.” Luna answered, tired from sitting around for so long, but also glad to have me around.
“Thank you, my dear.” I said happily, placed my glass in front of me and took a seat. “Are you alright? I mean …” I asked, touching her shoulder with worry.
“I didn’t see anything … but to think that someone I know died so quickly …” Luna answered, close to being driven to tears.
“It’s okay. You can cry if you want.” I whispered into her ear and patted her back soothingly.
“No … I can’t. Not right now.” She said and rubbed her eyes a little after I released her from my embrace.
“Okay.” I said, nodding proudly that she understood the situation we were in. Crying openly meant that we had a connection that went beyond her taking care of my body while I was unconscious.
“Lucy Worchester, I am terribly sorry for sending you away without recognising you.” The duke said and lowered his head ashamed. Luckily, the table stood alone and nobody else was around, so the musics could drown out our conversation.
“I do not blame you, nor your wife. You did what you had to do to protect your daughter. And as you can see, it would cause quite the uproar if our meeting were made to be public … so let’s say that it never happened, shall we?” I asked and took a sip from my apple juice to make it seem we were just casually talking with each other.
“As you wish, your majesty.” He said and nodded, just before taking a bite on a steak. What did surprise me a little though was that Mary had something to say as well.
“Your majesty … our doors are always open for you. We aware of your connection to one of my predecessors and that I do look the mostly the same.” Mostly? She was the splitting image of the Mary I knew. “If you wish, you can call our mansion your home a second time. We would be glad to have you.” She said, never lying even once. Looking down onto my glass, I was quite conflicted about my answer. On the one hand, I wanted to go back to the times we cuddled happily, but on the other, I knew very well that she didn’t have the same feelings for me the old Mary had. We didn’t share a history together, that much became painfully clear as she doubted me.
“She was an astonishing person. She was someone who taught me how it was to be genuinely loved. She will always have a place in my heart, especially because I have burdened her so much.” I still thought about her from time to time, especially at this point when she was basically sitting in front of me. “And despite your similarities … you aren’t her. Those eyes filled with love are now directed at your daughter and husband. And even if you could love me like she did, it wouldn’t be the same as back then.” It would probably feel hollow and forced. I knew for sure that she would feel pressured into a role she didn’t want to have. And I couldn’t do that to the person who had the soul of my mother.
“The person I called my mother died long ago, but continues to live on in my heart. I am genuinely thankful for the offer, but I do have to decline respectfully.” I explained calmly and looked at Luna with a gentle smile on my face. “I have already found a new place I can call my home.”
“Still, if you need anything, you can always write us. My family will always be your ally.” I wasn’t so sure if she would say that after knowing what the old Mary knew about me. She was always more of a reluctant ally who held me back from going on a rampage whenever it was slightly beneficial.
I wasn’t without such a person this time around either though. But the role of trying to solve things with less violence had fallen into Luna’s lap, even though she wasn’t even aware of that.
“Thank you. Luna, do you want to dance with me?” I asked, already standing up from the seat as another noble approached us.
“Sure.” She said, took my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor in the middle of the room. “I’m not good at this though.”
“Follow my lead and it will be alright.” I explained and took the role of the man upon me once more. Lucy struggled a bit in her high heels, which reminded me of myself in the past, but she didn’t fall as I caught her each time she got close.
“Lucy … why are you revealing yourself now? Is it because of the murder?” Luna asked as the music calmed down somewhat, allowing our pace to slow down as well.
“A certain someone once reminded me that Schwarz is my friend. And I can’t have half the castle exploding because he threw a tantrum, do I?” I asked and giggled a bit. Knowing Schwarz, my assumption wouldn’t be too far off though.
“I’m glad.” Luna said, giggling along with me.
“I know … hey, do you still remember the address I gave you for emergencies?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes?” She replied after a little pause.
“Great. Write Louis a letter which says that we will be at the eastern gate at around twelve in the morning. And write Ellie a letter with the same contents and sent it to the address. Hannah will know what to do.” I explained and let go of her shoulder reluctantly. Spending any more time than this with her or her family would raise suspicions which I didn’t want to. Curtsying in front of her, we thus ended our dance and walked back to the table.
“It was a pleasure to meet you.” I said, lifted up my glass and nodded at them.
“Indeed it was, your majesty.” Mary said and smiled gently as Luna sat down on her seat once more. “I leave my daughter in your care.” She said, just before I could turn around. Looking at her a bit astonished, I couldn’t help but smile gently.
“I will make sure to cherish her.” I answered, curtsied deeply and waved towards them as I walked over to the next table in line to chat with me. At least the pushy ones were already dealt with so I could relax a little around those who had the decency to wait a little. Well, at least I was told different interesting things by chatting to the nobles.
For example, I learned that the best horse races were held in a city called Whieren down in the south. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with that … but alright?
Around three in the night though, the first few nobles started to excuse themselves, which slowly set off the exodus of the other ones. At the end, I was left alone with the king who nearly slept on his seat and the servants who refused my help repeatedly.
They were honestly the nicest people at this party, even though most of them were treated rudely by the nobles. I could join as well, but I was always targeting the commoners with my charm more than any other group. They could make the best meat shield with their numbers after all.
“Charles?” I asked as soon as all the leftovers were brought out of the room. “Charles.” I said and tipped his shoulder lightly.
“Huh?” He said, clearly intoxicated by the alcohol he must have drunk during the whole party. Well nobody had the guts to stop him and I had no desire to, so he ended up rather drunk.
“I think it is time for us to go to bed.” I said and looked at him a bit conflicted. I seriously didn’t know how to deal with this guy at that point. He clearly didn’t value woman at all, but he probably didn’t value anyone, so there was that. It all came down to wether he accepted my proposal or not.
“Eh? Whatever…” He said, standing up with wobbly legs and stumbled towards the exit of the room.
Walking beside him, it didn’t take long for him to place his arm on my shoulder and steady himself this way. And even though I didn’t like it at all, I paid my feelings no heed and waved the next servant over to us.
“Can you guide us to his bedroom?” I asked gently.
“I … I don’t need any … anyone to tell me where to go.” Charles muttered, clearly not in the mood to admit to being drunk.
“It’s okay. Thank you.” I told the servant and walked onwards through the door, steadying the king with every step he took.
“Left…” Surprisingly, he even knew where to go and steered me through a multitude of hallways into a highly secured area, until there were no more guards all of a sudden.
“Right…” He muttered and steered me around another corner into a dead end.
“I fear we ha-“ I stared, but stopped as he pressed me against me, forcing me to sidestep because I didn’t want to look like an unmoving rock. I was quite passive as he grabbed my shoulders with his hands and pressed me against the nearest wall, using his body weight to his advantage. With his knees in between my legs, he pinned me against the solid rock and breathed the stench of alcohol onto my face. At first, I feigned to be too shocked to react as he bought his face close to my cheek and started smelling my hair and skin.
“Hey …” I said, pushing against his chest with my hands lightly.
“I agree to your proposal … there is no need for conflict with the church after all. But … you also told me to perform your duties of the queen.” I said that, but I certainly didn’t think being pushed against a wall was the duty of a queen.
“I do not know how this and that are connected to each other.” I explained, still struggling a bit to get him off me.
“You said it yourself … you are the queen. And you are going to perform your duties diligently. So why are you resisting me?” He said and placed his mouth on my neck. Suddenly, I stopped my movements apparently in shock and wondered if he was for real. “It has been a long time I had such a young person by my side.”
Okay? So the seventeen year old maid giving birth to his bastard son last month didn’t count? Or was that too long ago for him?
“Your majesty, you are making me uncomfortable.” I said, his hands already close to exploring the places I didn’t want them to be at that point. I didn’t care if I needed to fuck him if he was satisfied afterwards, but I did care about my reputation. And showing any random passerby this indecent scene was not something I wanted.
“It’s going to be fine.” He said, kissing my cheek shortly afterwards. His whole body was pressed against me, his hands close to my butt until I finally found a way out of this.
“This is not the equality I was talking about. I am aware what I have gotten myself into two hundred years ago … but I will do so on my terms.” I explained with a tiny bit of anger in my voice and finally got him to stop. Just to spite me, he kissed my cheek one last time while I turned my head away from him and finally gave me room to push myself off the wall.
“It’s good to know your sole task is to bear my child.” He muttered and turned around, his head strangely cleared from the alcohol for a moment.
“Jokes on you. Before I bear a child, this whole world will burn.” I whispered quietly while making sure he couldn’t hear me.
Using the wall to steady himself, he stumbled across the hallway for a few more metres until he opened the next door and indicated me to follow him inside.
A luxurious bedroom awaited me with everything one could ever need inside. A huge bed was in the middle of it on a red circular carpet. The moon shone into the room through some nearly crystal clear windows, illuminating the costly interior beautifully.
Not a single speck of dust could be found on any of the other furniture in the room which was honestly quite impressive. Looking at him undressing his attire until he stood there in underwear, I once again asked myself who the fuck I had married with the vow I took two hundred years ago.
“Come on … this is our honeymoon. At least show me something.” He said and scanned my whole body drunkenly once more.
“This dress is rather hard to take off. I fear we wouldn’t be able to do it together.” There were a few strings on the back and I had my doubts he had the concentration to undo the knots.
“I have married a prude … great.” He said and let himself fall backwards onto the bed. Without saying anything, I stood there for a little while listening to his slowing breath until he started snoring.
Not going to lie, the first day where everyone knew who I was, was a wreck.
Why did others have to make talking to them so difficult?
“Aww. How is your hair so pretty?” A woman in her thirties asked as she had the opportunity to talk to me. The answer was called leaving them alone and not mutilating them with the stuff she smeared onto hers.
“And you have really talked to the gods?” Yes, I obviously did. Otherwise I wouldn’t have known what they are for a bunch of assholes.
“And you and his majesty haven’t met before? There must really be a bond between his family and you.” No? It is a simple contract between me and a previous king that regulates that I was always the first queen. No shitty bond between me and the king for fucks sake.
But I already knew beforehand that this was going to be difficult, so I didn’t let my façade slip even once. Happily I entertained the so called guests, even though they looked more and more like leeches to me.
There were some exceptions though … the servant bringing me something to drink for example. He was nice.
Well, luckily the royal family wasn’t invited to this event as it would certainly end horrific with them around.
But there was one family I made great strides to ignore in the beginning, even though it hurt my heart a little.
The White’s family of three were in the ballroom as well, quite observant of me like everyone else, but definitely not as pushy.
Around twelve, after greeting most of the nobles already, I found a bit of free time in which nobody was trying to talk to me and strode towards them, a glass of apple juice in my hands.
“Is this seat empty?” I asked, pointing towards the luxurious seat right beside Luna.
“Sure thing … I kept it free for you the whole time.” Luna answered, tired from sitting around for so long, but also glad to have me around.
“Thank you, my dear.” I said happily, placed my glass in front of me and took a seat. “Are you alright? I mean …” I asked, touching her shoulder with worry.
“I didn’t see anything … but to think that someone I know died so quickly …” Luna answered, close to being driven to tears.
“It’s okay. You can cry if you want.” I whispered into her ear and patted her back soothingly.
“No … I can’t. Not right now.” She said and rubbed her eyes a little after I released her from my embrace.
“Okay.” I said, nodding proudly that she understood the situation we were in. Crying openly meant that we had a connection that went beyond her taking care of my body while I was unconscious.
“Lucy Worchester, I am terribly sorry for sending you away without recognising you.” The duke said and lowered his head ashamed. Luckily, the table stood alone and nobody else was around, so the musics could drown out our conversation.
“I do not blame you, nor your wife. You did what you had to do to protect your daughter. And as you can see, it would cause quite the uproar if our meeting were made to be public … so let’s say that it never happened, shall we?” I asked and took a sip from my apple juice to make it seem we were just casually talking with each other.
“As you wish, your majesty.” He said and nodded, just before taking a bite on a steak. What did surprise me a little though was that Mary had something to say as well.
“Your majesty … our doors are always open for you. We aware of your connection to one of my predecessors and that I do look the mostly the same.” Mostly? She was the splitting image of the Mary I knew. “If you wish, you can call our mansion your home a second time. We would be glad to have you.” She said, never lying even once. Looking down onto my glass, I was quite conflicted about my answer. On the one hand, I wanted to go back to the times we cuddled happily, but on the other, I knew very well that she didn’t have the same feelings for me the old Mary had. We didn’t share a history together, that much became painfully clear as she doubted me.
“She was an astonishing person. She was someone who taught me how it was to be genuinely loved. She will always have a place in my heart, especially because I have burdened her so much.” I still thought about her from time to time, especially at this point when she was basically sitting in front of me. “And despite your similarities … you aren’t her. Those eyes filled with love are now directed at your daughter and husband. And even if you could love me like she did, it wouldn’t be the same as back then.” It would probably feel hollow and forced. I knew for sure that she would feel pressured into a role she didn’t want to have. And I couldn’t do that to the person who had the soul of my mother.
“The person I called my mother died long ago, but continues to live on in my heart. I am genuinely thankful for the offer, but I do have to decline respectfully.” I explained calmly and looked at Luna with a gentle smile on my face. “I have already found a new place I can call my home.”
“Still, if you need anything, you can always write us. My family will always be your ally.” I wasn’t so sure if she would say that after knowing what the old Mary knew about me. She was always more of a reluctant ally who held me back from going on a rampage whenever it was slightly beneficial.
I wasn’t without such a person this time around either though. But the role of trying to solve things with less violence had fallen into Luna’s lap, even though she wasn’t even aware of that.
“Thank you. Luna, do you want to dance with me?” I asked, already standing up from the seat as another noble approached us.
“Sure.” She said, took my hand and pulled me towards the dance floor in the middle of the room. “I’m not good at this though.”
“Follow my lead and it will be alright.” I explained and took the role of the man upon me once more. Lucy struggled a bit in her high heels, which reminded me of myself in the past, but she didn’t fall as I caught her each time she got close.
“Lucy … why are you revealing yourself now? Is it because of the murder?” Luna asked as the music calmed down somewhat, allowing our pace to slow down as well.
“A certain someone once reminded me that Schwarz is my friend. And I can’t have half the castle exploding because he threw a tantrum, do I?” I asked and giggled a bit. Knowing Schwarz, my assumption wouldn’t be too far off though.
“I’m glad.” Luna said, giggling along with me.
“I know … hey, do you still remember the address I gave you for emergencies?” I asked hopefully.
“Yes?” She replied after a little pause.
“Great. Write Louis a letter which says that we will be at the eastern gate at around twelve in the morning. And write Ellie a letter with the same contents and sent it to the address. Hannah will know what to do.” I explained and let go of her shoulder reluctantly. Spending any more time than this with her or her family would raise suspicions which I didn’t want to. Curtsying in front of her, we thus ended our dance and walked back to the table.
“It was a pleasure to meet you.” I said, lifted up my glass and nodded at them.
“Indeed it was, your majesty.” Mary said and smiled gently as Luna sat down on her seat once more. “I leave my daughter in your care.” She said, just before I could turn around. Looking at her a bit astonished, I couldn’t help but smile gently.
“I will make sure to cherish her.” I answered, curtsied deeply and waved towards them as I walked over to the next table in line to chat with me. At least the pushy ones were already dealt with so I could relax a little around those who had the decency to wait a little. Well, at least I was told different interesting things by chatting to the nobles.
For example, I learned that the best horse races were held in a city called Whieren down in the south. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with that … but alright?
Around three in the night though, the first few nobles started to excuse themselves, which slowly set off the exodus of the other ones. At the end, I was left alone with the king who nearly slept on his seat and the servants who refused my help repeatedly.
They were honestly the nicest people at this party, even though most of them were treated rudely by the nobles. I could join as well, but I was always targeting the commoners with my charm more than any other group. They could make the best meat shield with their numbers after all.
“Charles?” I asked as soon as all the leftovers were brought out of the room. “Charles.” I said and tipped his shoulder lightly.
“Huh?” He said, clearly intoxicated by the alcohol he must have drunk during the whole party. Well nobody had the guts to stop him and I had no desire to, so he ended up rather drunk.
“I think it is time for us to go to bed.” I said and looked at him a bit conflicted. I seriously didn’t know how to deal with this guy at that point. He clearly didn’t value woman at all, but he probably didn’t value anyone, so there was that. It all came down to wether he accepted my proposal or not.
“Eh? Whatever…” He said, standing up with wobbly legs and stumbled towards the exit of the room.
Walking beside him, it didn’t take long for him to place his arm on my shoulder and steady himself this way. And even though I didn’t like it at all, I paid my feelings no heed and waved the next servant over to us.
“Can you guide us to his bedroom?” I asked gently.
“I … I don’t need any … anyone to tell me where to go.” Charles muttered, clearly not in the mood to admit to being drunk.
“It’s okay. Thank you.” I told the servant and walked onwards through the door, steadying the king with every step he took.
“Left…” Surprisingly, he even knew where to go and steered me through a multitude of hallways into a highly secured area, until there were no more guards all of a sudden.
“Right…” He muttered and steered me around another corner into a dead end.
“I fear we ha-“ I stared, but stopped as he pressed me against me, forcing me to sidestep because I didn’t want to look like an unmoving rock. I was quite passive as he grabbed my shoulders with his hands and pressed me against the nearest wall, using his body weight to his advantage. With his knees in between my legs, he pinned me against the solid rock and breathed the stench of alcohol onto my face. At first, I feigned to be too shocked to react as he bought his face close to my cheek and started smelling my hair and skin.
“Hey …” I said, pushing against his chest with my hands lightly.
“I agree to your proposal … there is no need for conflict with the church after all. But … you also told me to perform your duties of the queen.” I said that, but I certainly didn’t think being pushed against a wall was the duty of a queen.
“I do not know how this and that are connected to each other.” I explained, still struggling a bit to get him off me.
“You said it yourself … you are the queen. And you are going to perform your duties diligently. So why are you resisting me?” He said and placed his mouth on my neck. Suddenly, I stopped my movements apparently in shock and wondered if he was for real. “It has been a long time I had such a young person by my side.”
Okay? So the seventeen year old maid giving birth to his bastard son last month didn’t count? Or was that too long ago for him?
“Your majesty, you are making me uncomfortable.” I said, his hands already close to exploring the places I didn’t want them to be at that point. I didn’t care if I needed to fuck him if he was satisfied afterwards, but I did care about my reputation. And showing any random passerby this indecent scene was not something I wanted.
“It’s going to be fine.” He said, kissing my cheek shortly afterwards. His whole body was pressed against me, his hands close to my butt until I finally found a way out of this.
“This is not the equality I was talking about. I am aware what I have gotten myself into two hundred years ago … but I will do so on my terms.” I explained with a tiny bit of anger in my voice and finally got him to stop. Just to spite me, he kissed my cheek one last time while I turned my head away from him and finally gave me room to push myself off the wall.
“It’s good to know your sole task is to bear my child.” He muttered and turned around, his head strangely cleared from the alcohol for a moment.
“Jokes on you. Before I bear a child, this whole world will burn.” I whispered quietly while making sure he couldn’t hear me.
Using the wall to steady himself, he stumbled across the hallway for a few more metres until he opened the next door and indicated me to follow him inside.
A luxurious bedroom awaited me with everything one could ever need inside. A huge bed was in the middle of it on a red circular carpet. The moon shone into the room through some nearly crystal clear windows, illuminating the costly interior beautifully.
Not a single speck of dust could be found on any of the other furniture in the room which was honestly quite impressive. Looking at him undressing his attire until he stood there in underwear, I once again asked myself who the fuck I had married with the vow I took two hundred years ago.
“Come on … this is our honeymoon. At least show me something.” He said and scanned my whole body drunkenly once more.
“This dress is rather hard to take off. I fear we wouldn’t be able to do it together.” There were a few strings on the back and I had my doubts he had the concentration to undo the knots.
“I have married a prude … great.” He said and let himself fall backwards onto the bed. Without saying anything, I stood there for a little while listening to his slowing breath until he started snoring.
Not going to lie, the first day where everyone knew who I was, was a wreck.
