That was rough … I mean, conjuring up a dish that could be considered magical in the first place, but Aska was attempting to seduce me the whole time while I didn’t resist his approaches that much.
As such, my steak wasn’t exactly rare anymore, but I didn’t want to take his that was slightly better. My pride as a chef didn’t allow me to do that.
“Lucinda, it doesn’t taste that good, does it?” I really had to wonder sometimes what he ate when I wasn’t around? Did he go to the god of cooking or what? Because what was on my plate was literally the most delicious meal I had in months!
“Well, considering I had to do everything including making the noodles, cutting out the best meat along with …” He wasn’t even listening, was he? “It’s hard to cook and have sex at the same time, okay?”
“You told me that it wasn’t an issue?” I did that, but that was when I still had my hands free.
“That was before you pushed me onto the ground while I wanted to serve everything. You could have stopped when I told you to, but no, Mr. IknowEverythingBetter does as he pleases.” I said, stabbed into my steak and made it smiled dangerously. I wouldn’t take the blame for the less than optimal meal, that was for sure.
“Hey, isn’t that a bit unfair considering you didn’t do anything to defend yourself?” Was he for real? I told him to stop, which was literally the furthest I could go myself.
“Aska, you raised me to go along with every bit of your fucked up sexuality. For hundreds of years, you punched into me that giving in to your desires is the smarter choice. So please, do not claim that it is my fault.” I hissed in the end, stabbed into my meat once more with my fork and munched on it demonstratively.
“Okay. Okay. I won’t complain.” He better didn’t do that again. In silence, we ate the rest of the menu I had prepared for us, looking at each of us alternating with love and ways to manipulate each other. Well, he knew certainly well what he would show me to change my mind, but I needed to work things out on the fly.
“Where is the next window?” Even though the air was fresh inside this place, I hadn’t seen any window so far.
“Oh no …” He said while I grabbed mine and his empty plate, made my way towards the door instead and knocked against it.
“Lucinda, you cannot throw the plates out from this building.” What was stopping me? The guards? I didn’t see any around.
“Why not?” I asked a little confused.
“We are far too high for that?” Truth to be told, I didn’t mind being high, but I hadn’t mixed anything into that food.
“I haven’t taken any drugs?” I asked a little confused.
“I mean, plates falling down from here is a very bad idea. Someone could get killed and I really don’t want to pay that fine again.” Oh … that ‘high’. Yeah … I could see someone dying because of that, but I honestly couldn’t see any issue with that. Even better, if he had to pay for it. But he wouldn’t didn’t let me, that much was obvious.
Clicking my tongue, I let the plates fall to the ground and strolled back towards the table leisurely. Then, I placed my hands onto it and leaned forwards.
“We had enough time to catch up, didn’t we? I suppose it’s time to show me why I am here.” I said and tilted my head to the side because I knew for sure that would anger him. He bit his lower lip a little and then stood up quietly.
“Are you aware of how new gods are born?” What was this kind of question? Did I really need to talk with him about bees and stuff?
“The stork brings them over.” I claimed and balled my hands into fists.
“That’s one way … but there is another. A god like myself is everywhere. We have an all encompassing soul which we can concentrate in a vessel.” So what? How does that connect to reproduction?
“And that vessel reconstructs itself each time it’s damaged beyond repair. But it’s usually done on this planet, which was why you need to teleport if it’s I’ll kill you.” I explained, still not following completely.
“That’s correct. Most of my power lies on this planet, hence I will always resurrect here. That goes for origin gods and all others as well. All others, except you.” Well, I knew for sure I wasn’t like the other girls … but jokes aside, I always thought I was a normal god, even though I obviously struggled with all the other elements.
“And why is that?” I asked quietly.
“Because you are not like the other gods, not even remotely. You are like me – an origin god with the domain of death – but your domain doesn’t extend beyond your body. And because of that, you lack the capacity to manipulate other domains as well.” He walked over to me slowly and grabbed my shoulders a little concerned.
“I don’t get it.” I looked into his piercing eyes which were observing any single one of my reactions.
“You are a shard. I created you through the second way gods can be born. By splitting up part of my own soul and allowing it to grow its own consciousness.”
“I … am WHAT?” I nearly exploded in his grasp. For real though, I slammed my fist onto the table in disbelief.
“A part of me. I do not have any power over you at this point anymore and the part of me I had ripped out already regrew, but we share the same starting point.” Was he kidding me? Was he actually claiming that he didn’t just created me but …
“… are you claiming I am not like you, but I am you?” I hissed at him. I never had a chance to be different from him. Because I was him four hundred years ago. And that made me furious.
“Yes.” He admitted slowly, wary about my fists by my side.
“I … I am just a … a female clone of you? Is that it? Something to fulfill your … my sick desires? Am I that? Did you raise me to be your partner? Huh? Because you couldn’t find someone to bang otherwise? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” And then, I really did hit him. My fist hit his spleen and he did very good in not defending himself. I pounced into him, threw him onto his back and straddled his belly. “I am so fucked up because of you and now you tell me that?” My fist hit his face with every ounce of strength I could muster. Blood escaped his nose, but I wasn’t even close to finishing. “Have you ever thought about how it is? To have your worst fears validated? That I only love you because I love myself?” I hammered his head onto the floor in a sadistic surge of fury, but stopped once he had something to say.
“I … I just wanted a family. Like you … just for thousands and thousands of years. I did the same as you did. I tried to change others, I tried to raise others … but it was never enough.” I knew what he was feeling. I had the same issue after all and knew very well how crazy our ideas could get. But still … it was too little to feel sad for him as I rammed my fist onto his cheekbone.
“LIAR! You told me I was your daughter for fucks sake! But no! I don’t even deserve that title! I hate you … Aska. I hate you so much. For everything you did to me. And what does that make me? Am I a scumbag like you are? Will I make my own son someday, just so I can rape him? Aska … I do not want to be like this.” I said, nearly collapsing onto himself because I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m sorry.” He admitted, patting my side a little to calm me down.
“And I can tell you that I’d rather kill myself than to do what you have done to me, even though my child would have to forgive me one day, simply because he cannot stop loving me like crazy.” A few tears escaped my eyes, mostly because I couldn’t fight against against all the feelings drowning me. I hated him … but I still couldn’t get rid of that all encompassing love I had.
“You would do the same shit I did.” Aska said, which was honestly true, if not for a stroke of luck I had during my time on Solaris.
“No. Because there is one difference in between us. I have friends. I have Hannah who hits me when my thoughts go in a dangerous direction. I have Sofie showing me a normal view … and I have you. The person I still want to spent my life with as a stark warning of what I shall not do. You haven’t lived through the hell you put me in. And I will make sure no one else has to go through this shit.” I claimed and stood up from him kicked him last time and sat down on the nearest chair depressed.
“Are you okay?” He asked after a little while and sat up on the ground.
“Aska … you have done far worse to me. Knowing that I love you because I’m a narcissist isn’t great, but at least I know why I exist in the first place … and I honestly thought it was far worse than that.” I laughed hysterically, held my belly as I couldn’t stop anymore and slammed my forehead onto the table shortly afterwards. “But let me tell you this … if you thought I would play wifey for you, you are mistaken. I am exactly like you … and our egos don’t fit into one world, no matter how large it is.”
“You are my family, Lucinda. We are supposed to stay together.” And we would. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the feelings in my heart forever, especially when I had a way of visiting him easily.
“No … I admit that we are bound together as a family, as husband and wife or whatever, but this in between us is not what I’m searching for. Have you looked down there? They have the bonds I want to have. When a mother shields her child from intruders, the father fights against them … that’s what I want. Unconditional love … not a forced one like we have.” I told him, stood up from the chair and threw it away to vent my last remaining bit of anger.
“You are contradicting yourself.” He claimed. Just because I had accepted him as my family, it didn’t mean I was stopping my search for what I desired.
“I want you … I want to fuck you silly. But I also want normality. I want someone normal close to me. Someone I don’t hate. Is that so hard to understand?” I asked pointing my index finger at the place where the door had been.
“No … and I want to help you with that.” That … honestly did surprise me a little. Him going out of the way to help me with this issue was … concerning? Or did he want to make up for all the shit he did to me for real? I seriously couldn’t tell.
“Yeah. Let’s see about that.” Death concentrated on the tip of my finger and shot out towards the door, smashing it into pieces while several alarms throughout the house rang.
“Where are you going?” He asked right away.
“Away.” After grabbing the flask in my pocket and throwing it towards him I looked downwards, followed the nearest object with my gaze and then ran towards the door which was slowly repairing itself. And then, I was out in the open, freely falling downwards with a multitude of complex emotions raging inside me even though they wouldn’t stick around for too long. I would always come back to him after all.
Because that’s what my soul told me to do.
That was rough … I mean, conjuring up a dish that could be considered magical in the first place, but Aska was attempting to seduce me the whole time while I didn’t resist his approaches that much.
As such, my steak wasn’t exactly rare anymore, but I didn’t want to take his that was slightly better. My pride as a chef didn’t allow me to do that.
“Lucinda, it doesn’t taste that good, does it?” I really had to wonder sometimes what he ate when I wasn’t around? Did he go to the god of cooking or what? Because what was on my plate was literally the most delicious meal I had in months!
“Well, considering I had to do everything including making the noodles, cutting out the best meat along with …” He wasn’t even listening, was he? “It’s hard to cook and have sex at the same time, okay?”
“You told me that it wasn’t an issue?” I did that, but that was when I still had my hands free.
“That was before you pushed me onto the ground while I wanted to serve everything. You could have stopped when I told you to, but no, Mr. IknowEverythingBetter does as he pleases.” I said, stabbed into my steak and made it smiled dangerously. I wouldn’t take the blame for the less than optimal meal, that was for sure.
“Hey, isn’t that a bit unfair considering you didn’t do anything to defend yourself?” Was he for real? I told him to stop, which was literally the furthest I could go myself.
“Aska, you raised me to go along with every bit of your fucked up sexuality. For hundreds of years, you punched into me that giving in to your desires is the smarter choice. So please, do not claim that it is my fault.” I hissed in the end, stabbed into my meat once more with my fork and munched on it demonstratively.
“Okay. Okay. I won’t complain.” He better didn’t do that again. In silence, we ate the rest of the menu I had prepared for us, looking at each of us alternating with love and ways to manipulate each other. Well, he knew certainly well what he would show me to change my mind, but I needed to work things out on the fly.
“Where is the next window?” Even though the air was fresh inside this place, I hadn’t seen any window so far.
“Oh no …” He said while I grabbed mine and his empty plate, made my way towards the door instead and knocked against it.
“Lucinda, you cannot throw the plates out from this building.” What was stopping me? The guards? I didn’t see any around.
“Why not?” I asked a little confused.
“We are far too high for that?” Truth to be told, I didn’t mind being high, but I hadn’t mixed anything into that food.
“I haven’t taken any drugs?” I asked a little confused.
“I mean, plates falling down from here is a very bad idea. Someone could get killed and I really don’t want to pay that fine again.” Oh … that ‘high’. Yeah … I could see someone dying because of that, but I honestly couldn’t see any issue with that. Even better, if he had to pay for it. But he wouldn’t didn’t let me, that much was obvious.
Clicking my tongue, I let the plates fall to the ground and strolled back towards the table leisurely. Then, I placed my hands onto it and leaned forwards.
“We had enough time to catch up, didn’t we? I suppose it’s time to show me why I am here.” I said and tilted my head to the side because I knew for sure that would anger him. He bit his lower lip a little and then stood up quietly.
“Are you aware of how new gods are born?” What was this kind of question? Did I really need to talk with him about bees and stuff?
“The stork brings them over.” I claimed and balled my hands into fists.
“That’s one way … but there is another. A god like myself is everywhere. We have an all encompassing soul which we can concentrate in a vessel.” So what? How does that connect to reproduction?
“And that vessel reconstructs itself each time it’s damaged beyond repair. But it’s usually done on this planet, which was why you need to teleport if it’s I’ll kill you.” I explained, still not following completely.
“That’s correct. Most of my power lies on this planet, hence I will always resurrect here. That goes for origin gods and all others as well. All others, except you.” Well, I knew for sure I wasn’t like the other girls … but jokes aside, I always thought I was a normal god, even though I obviously struggled with all the other elements.
“And why is that?” I asked quietly.
“Because you are not like the other gods, not even remotely. You are like me – an origin god with the domain of death – but your domain doesn’t extend beyond your body. And because of that, you lack the capacity to manipulate other domains as well.” He walked over to me slowly and grabbed my shoulders a little concerned.
“I don’t get it.” I looked into his piercing eyes which were observing any single one of my reactions.
“You are a shard. I created you through the second way gods can be born. By splitting up part of my own soul and allowing it to grow its own consciousness.”
“I … am WHAT?” I nearly exploded in his grasp. For real though, I slammed my fist onto the table in disbelief.
“A part of me. I do not have any power over you at this point anymore and the part of me I had ripped out already regrew, but we share the same starting point.” Was he kidding me? Was he actually claiming that he didn’t just created me but …
“… are you claiming I am not like you, but I am you?” I hissed at him. I never had a chance to be different from him. Because I was him four hundred years ago. And that made me furious.
“Yes.” He admitted slowly, wary about my fists by my side.
“I … I am just a … a female clone of you? Is that it? Something to fulfill your … my sick desires? Am I that? Did you raise me to be your partner? Huh? Because you couldn’t find someone to bang otherwise? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?” And then, I really did hit him. My fist hit his spleen and he did very good in not defending himself. I pounced into him, threw him onto his back and straddled his belly. “I am so fucked up because of you and now you tell me that?” My fist hit his face with every ounce of strength I could muster. Blood escaped his nose, but I wasn’t even close to finishing. “Have you ever thought about how it is? To have your worst fears validated? That I only love you because I love myself?” I hammered his head onto the floor in a sadistic surge of fury, but stopped once he had something to say.
“I … I just wanted a family. Like you … just for thousands and thousands of years. I did the same as you did. I tried to change others, I tried to raise others … but it was never enough.” I knew what he was feeling. I had the same issue after all and knew very well how crazy our ideas could get. But still … it was too little to feel sad for him as I rammed my fist onto his cheekbone.
“LIAR! You told me I was your daughter for fucks sake! But no! I don’t even deserve that title! I hate you … Aska. I hate you so much. For everything you did to me. And what does that make me? Am I a scumbag like you are? Will I make my own son someday, just so I can rape him? Aska … I do not want to be like this.” I said, nearly collapsing onto himself because I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“I’m sorry.” He admitted, patting my side a little to calm me down.
“And I can tell you that I’d rather kill myself than to do what you have done to me, even though my child would have to forgive me one day, simply because he cannot stop loving me like crazy.” A few tears escaped my eyes, mostly because I couldn’t fight against against all the feelings drowning me. I hated him … but I still couldn’t get rid of that all encompassing love I had.
“You would do the same shit I did.” Aska said, which was honestly true, if not for a stroke of luck I had during my time on Solaris.
“No. Because there is one difference in between us. I have friends. I have Hannah who hits me when my thoughts go in a dangerous direction. I have Sofie showing me a normal view … and I have you. The person I still want to spent my life with as a stark warning of what I shall not do. You haven’t lived through the hell you put me in. And I will make sure no one else has to go through this shit.” I claimed and stood up from him kicked him last time and sat down on the nearest chair depressed.
“Are you okay?” He asked after a little while and sat up on the ground.
“Aska … you have done far worse to me. Knowing that I love you because I’m a narcissist isn’t great, but at least I know why I exist in the first place … and I honestly thought it was far worse than that.” I laughed hysterically, held my belly as I couldn’t stop anymore and slammed my forehead onto the table shortly afterwards. “But let me tell you this … if you thought I would play wifey for you, you are mistaken. I am exactly like you … and our egos don’t fit into one world, no matter how large it is.”
“You are my family, Lucinda. We are supposed to stay together.” And we would. I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the feelings in my heart forever, especially when I had a way of visiting him easily.
“No … I admit that we are bound together as a family, as husband and wife or whatever, but this in between us is not what I’m searching for. Have you looked down there? They have the bonds I want to have. When a mother shields her child from intruders, the father fights against them … that’s what I want. Unconditional love … not a forced one like we have.” I told him, stood up from the chair and threw it away to vent my last remaining bit of anger.
“You are contradicting yourself.” He claimed. Just because I had accepted him as my family, it didn’t mean I was stopping my search for what I desired.
“I want you … I want to fuck you silly. But I also want normality. I want someone normal close to me. Someone I don’t hate. Is that so hard to understand?” I asked pointing my index finger at the place where the door had been.
“No … and I want to help you with that.” That … honestly did surprise me a little. Him going out of the way to help me with this issue was … concerning? Or did he want to make up for all the shit he did to me for real? I seriously couldn’t tell.
“Yeah. Let’s see about that.” Death concentrated on the tip of my finger and shot out towards the door, smashing it into pieces while several alarms throughout the house rang.
“Where are you going?” He asked right away.
“Away.” After grabbing the flask in my pocket and throwing it towards him I looked downwards, followed the nearest object with my gaze and then ran towards the door which was slowly repairing itself. And then, I was out in the open, freely falling downwards with a multitude of complex emotions raging inside me even though they wouldn’t stick around for too long. I would always come back to him after all.
Because that’s what my soul told me to do.
