If there was one person who I had avoided since coming back to the capital, then it was Mary. I definitely held feelings for the old Mary and they spilt over to the current one ever so slightly. No matter what I may claim, that time I spent with her would always be important to me.
What I had back then … this mother daughter relationship may not have been ideal, but it was real. Despite all my faults, she did love me like her own blood which was something I had never experienced before.
And as such, I honestly felt the need to explain her – or whatever was left of Mary – what had happened and why they happened the way they did. I owed her that much.
And yet, I never found the perfect timing to do so. But the day afterwards, I would leave the city for good, so it was either now or never.
But still, as soon as I stepped out of the carriage and stood in front of the closed gate, my determination waned. In the darkness, I couldn’t see any guard whatsoever and the gate was already half opened.
It did seem as if my actions impacted the White family quite a bit, so much so that they sent all the guards away. Heavy hearted, I followed the walkway without anyone accompanying me as I did want to talk to her alone.
That nobody was there to open the doors for me on the other hand was odd. Not only the guards were gone, but all the servants apparently left the estate behind, something I never thought possible.
Giggling a little, I put my back into it and opened the heavy doors slowly until I basically stumbled inside the foyer loudly. The magical lamps to the side were dimmed, so much so that they were barely brighter than the moonlight shining into the room from behind me.
Slowly, I let my gaze wander through the room until it stopped at the top of the stairs where a visibly exhausted lady sat. Mary didn’t seem to have anticipated my arrival as she apparently hadn’t noticed me yet which was quite a stunning achievement.
“Mary I’m … I want to talk.” I got no reaction whatsoever. She just sat there, hugging her knees and looking towards the ground quietly. “I know I have made some mistakes, but I am here to talk about them.”
“Talk … what is there to talk about?” She finally reacted to my words and looked at me with hollow eyes.
“I … you … your soul is that of my mother … and … and maybe you … I could need your help.” Cautiously, I ascended the stairs until our eyes were on one level.
“Help … why should I do that?” She muttered, her eyes flaring up in sadness. I must have remembered her about her loss.
“Because you have always helped me in the past. Because … some part of you is my mother.” I claimed and extended my hand towards her knee.
“You killed the only child I ever had.” She robbed backwards, away from my touch which shocked me quite a bit. Never before was Mary against being touched by me, not once.
“That’s … not true. I tried …” I told her, but she was having none of that. Still sitting on the ground, she balled her hands into fists and glared at me hatefully.
“It’s not? You leave with her and come back with an army of undead. You are the reason she is dead, no matter what you claim.” She shouted loudly.
“And I’m sorry about that. I really am. And I am already working on getting her back. I swear I regret what happened to her.” I really did regret Luna’s second death. I just wanted her to be by my side and in doing so, I endangered her.
“That’s far from enough.” Mary told me, suddenly feeling a crushing sadness once more.
“I gave my best! What else could I have done?” I really did try to save Luna. I gave her my everything. And yet Mary was still blaming me which felt really unfair.
“It’s not just about my daughter!” Mary expressed while driven to tears.
“Then what is it? Just tell me and I do everything to make it right!” I tried to touch her shoulder, but once again she shook me off and looked at me as if I was the worst.
“You slaughtered my husband.” She shouted angrily while I was a little bit stupefied. Did I really murder her husband?
“Oh.” Yeah, I did murder him. It was such an inconsequential death that I had nearly forgotten about it, but that wasn’t my fault. Everyone was talking about the king’s death after all. “Right…” His death was kind of hard to explain and lying to her wouldn’t make it better as well.
“Oh … right? That’s all? You murdered my family and that’s all you feel?” She asked while my right leg started to tingle again. And that alone was enough for me to stop thinking about what I said.
“No, I’m sorry for what happened. I swear it won’t happen again!” I was like a spoiled brat who broke its toys and demanded new ones. And at this stage, I didn’t want any bad blood between me and Mary.
“Not happen again?” Mary laughed hysterically with a rather crazy expression on her face. “Because they are all dead! You murdered my whole family!” It may have been the emotional trauma I was experiencing or the illness as well, but something in me just snapped.
“I am your family! I and nobody else!” I claimed and finally gripped her arms tightly. I didn’t want her to flee as I needed to talk to her at all costs.
“You are a monster! Every emotion the past me might have pretended to show you has been a lie!” That hit me like a ballista. Seriously though, just from her words alone I backed off a little, but quickly shook my head. She must have been confused … Mary loved me like her own daughter.
“That’s not true! You loved me … so why can’t we go back to being a family … I need your help.” I admitted quietly, hoping she would come to her senses again. I just couldn’t comprehend why she was so against me. I had done everything I could to protect Luna and … and her husband stood in my way. There was nothing I could have done.
“You are nothing but fiend. The people out there might like you, but all I feel about you is hatred. You are not my family and you never will be.” She shouted angrily while I lunged forwards and pressed her onto the ground. Her head hit it a little bit painfully, but she was still very much conscious.
“That … but … we … we are … WHY?!” I gripped her shoulders, straddled her belly and found my right eye losing vision yet again. My whole right side tingled painfully and my soul was aching horrendously. And yet, I could still muster the strength to ball my hand into a fist and punch her in the face, completely out of my mind. “We are a family!”
“No!” She spat out and punched my side which I returned by punching her face yet again.
“Give me my Mary back!” I never thought that I was still this dependent on her. After all, I had already decided it was okay if there was a lot of distance between us, but deep down that question was apparently unanswered.
“I can … never love you.” And my fist hit her cheek yet again. “Never!” And again.
“I’ll make you love me!” My stomach revolted horrendously, making me vomit a mouthful of blood.
“I hate you!” She used the opportunity I gave her to shove me off her and stand up slowly. She wasn’t steady on her feet, but I wasn’t faring any better. My soul felt like Irminsul gave her best to hurt me, my body aches with every movement I took. And yet, I stood up and faced her.
“But you are …” I was completely taken off guard by my fading vision and thus only held my fists in front of my face to protect myself.
“You and I are nothing. You are the murderer of every person I loved.” Mary was … gone. I had to admit that. The person in front of me was a mere shadow of her former self. She must have been twisted by Aska in some way or another … because she hurt me so much with her words alone, driving the wedge splitting me apart even deeper. Despite not seeing anything, I did notice something. After blinking once, I could see myself in front of me yet again, attempting to hold me back with her hands.
This time though, I seemed almost lifelike as if my schizophrenia had taken off for real. But I couldn’t care less. I just wanted Mary to like me again. Suddenly, I felt her hand at my shoulder and acted instantly. I stepped forwards, hugged her tightly and bit into her flesh.
“Monster!” She struggled immensely under my grasp and as I was quite weakened, she did manage to wriggle around quite a bit, but not enough to shake me off. Instead, it seemed as if we were dancing at first, at least until I stepped onto … nothing. With my arms around her and teeth still inside we flesh, I pulled her with me, down the deadly stairs. We both crashed onto the marble at the same time. It sent waves of pain through my whole body as I let go of her and tumbled further down without being able to do anything.
And just like me, she fell as well. It weren’t just my bones that were hitting the ground painfully, but hers as well.
Time and time again, I had to hear the horrible sound of her head crashing onto the stairs something which just couldn’t end well.
I was the first one to stop at the bottom of the floor, my whole being near the tipping point. I could barely move as Mary stopped just beside me, eerily quiet with her soul already leaving her body.
“No … no…” I didn’t even bother with her soul. After all, I could already feel Aska giving his best to get her out of my reach. Death filled the area around me for a bit, wrapping around her soul and pulling her into the ground while I grabbed her hand weakly. “No … I … I didn’t want that.”
And yet again, my whole world was being torn down by my very own actions. I had no intentions of murdering her at all … and yet it happened.
“Mary …” Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as bad as Luna’s death, but the vision of the old Mary I had and she basically overlapped at this point, driving me insane.
Finally, my own soul gave way for the flood it held within it. Death spilt into the area, thicker than ever before and pushed all other elements around me away rapidly. Just like with Luna’s death, a bubble was formed around me but this time, it didn’t hold on for too long. A mere second after I had created it instinctively to protect myself, it already ceased to exist. My soul was way too damaged for anything else but that.
For a split second, my vision returned, letting me see all the destruction I had caused effortlessly. Mary and the mansion were gone, literally grinded to dust by my magic. I was in a middle of a circular crater, the surroundings filled with death.
But there was also something else in front of me. A single flower was blooming under the moon.
But I, completely done for, couldn’t even think about why it was there. I was just tired, even though I felt my own illness recede rapidly. I had murdered my mother … and yet I felt less than anticipated. No lingering remorse, no hatred for myself. Just sadness and this crushing tiredness.
And finally, my eyes closed and I fell over to the side. But I didn’t even notice how my head hit the ground. I was already asleep at this point.
If there was one person who I had avoided since coming back to the capital, then it was Mary. I definitely held feelings for the old Mary and they spilt over to the current one ever so slightly. No matter what I may claim, that time I spent with her would always be important to me.
What I had back then … this mother daughter relationship may not have been ideal, but it was real. Despite all my faults, she did love me like her own blood which was something I had never experienced before.
And as such, I honestly felt the need to explain her – or whatever was left of Mary – what had happened and why they happened the way they did. I owed her that much.
And yet, I never found the perfect timing to do so. But the day afterwards, I would leave the city for good, so it was either now or never.
But still, as soon as I stepped out of the carriage and stood in front of the closed gate, my determination waned. In the darkness, I couldn’t see any guard whatsoever and the gate was already half opened.
It did seem as if my actions impacted the White family quite a bit, so much so that they sent all the guards away. Heavy hearted, I followed the walkway without anyone accompanying me as I did want to talk to her alone.
That nobody was there to open the doors for me on the other hand was odd. Not only the guards were gone, but all the servants apparently left the estate behind, something I never thought possible.
Giggling a little, I put my back into it and opened the heavy doors slowly until I basically stumbled inside the foyer loudly. The magical lamps to the side were dimmed, so much so that they were barely brighter than the moonlight shining into the room from behind me.
Slowly, I let my gaze wander through the room until it stopped at the top of the stairs where a visibly exhausted lady sat. Mary didn’t seem to have anticipated my arrival as she apparently hadn’t noticed me yet which was quite a stunning achievement.
“Mary I’m … I want to talk.” I got no reaction whatsoever. She just sat there, hugging her knees and looking towards the ground quietly. “I know I have made some mistakes, but I am here to talk about them.”
“Talk … what is there to talk about?” She finally reacted to my words and looked at me with hollow eyes.
“I … you … your soul is that of my mother … and … and maybe you … I could need your help.” Cautiously, I ascended the stairs until our eyes were on one level.
“Help … why should I do that?” She muttered, her eyes flaring up in sadness. I must have remembered her about her loss.
“Because you have always helped me in the past. Because … some part of you is my mother.” I claimed and extended my hand towards her knee.
“You killed the only child I ever had.” She robbed backwards, away from my touch which shocked me quite a bit. Never before was Mary against being touched by me, not once.
“That’s … not true. I tried …” I told her, but she was having none of that. Still sitting on the ground, she balled her hands into fists and glared at me hatefully.
“It’s not? You leave with her and come back with an army of undead. You are the reason she is dead, no matter what you claim.” She shouted loudly.
“And I’m sorry about that. I really am. And I am already working on getting her back. I swear I regret what happened to her.” I really did regret Luna’s second death. I just wanted her to be by my side and in doing so, I endangered her.
“That’s far from enough.” Mary told me, suddenly feeling a crushing sadness once more.
“I gave my best! What else could I have done?” I really did try to save Luna. I gave her my everything. And yet Mary was still blaming me which felt really unfair.
“It’s not just about my daughter!” Mary expressed while driven to tears.
“Then what is it? Just tell me and I do everything to make it right!” I tried to touch her shoulder, but once again she shook me off and looked at me as if I was the worst.
“You slaughtered my husband.” She shouted angrily while I was a little bit stupefied. Did I really murder her husband?
“Oh.” Yeah, I did murder him. It was such an inconsequential death that I had nearly forgotten about it, but that wasn’t my fault. Everyone was talking about the king’s death after all. “Right…” His death was kind of hard to explain and lying to her wouldn’t make it better as well.
“Oh … right? That’s all? You murdered my family and that’s all you feel?” She asked while my right leg started to tingle again. And that alone was enough for me to stop thinking about what I said.
“No, I’m sorry for what happened. I swear it won’t happen again!” I was like a spoiled brat who broke its toys and demanded new ones. And at this stage, I didn’t want any bad blood between me and Mary.
“Not happen again?” Mary laughed hysterically with a rather crazy expression on her face. “Because they are all dead! You murdered my whole family!” It may have been the emotional trauma I was experiencing or the illness as well, but something in me just snapped.
“I am your family! I and nobody else!” I claimed and finally gripped her arms tightly. I didn’t want her to flee as I needed to talk to her at all costs.
“You are a monster! Every emotion the past me might have pretended to show you has been a lie!” That hit me like a ballista. Seriously though, just from her words alone I backed off a little, but quickly shook my head. She must have been confused … Mary loved me like her own daughter.
“That’s not true! You loved me … so why can’t we go back to being a family … I need your help.” I admitted quietly, hoping she would come to her senses again. I just couldn’t comprehend why she was so against me. I had done everything I could to protect Luna and … and her husband stood in my way. There was nothing I could have done.
“You are nothing but fiend. The people out there might like you, but all I feel about you is hatred. You are not my family and you never will be.” She shouted angrily while I lunged forwards and pressed her onto the ground. Her head hit it a little bit painfully, but she was still very much conscious.
“That … but … we … we are … WHY?!” I gripped her shoulders, straddled her belly and found my right eye losing vision yet again. My whole right side tingled painfully and my soul was aching horrendously. And yet, I could still muster the strength to ball my hand into a fist and punch her in the face, completely out of my mind. “We are a family!”
“No!” She spat out and punched my side which I returned by punching her face yet again.
“Give me my Mary back!” I never thought that I was still this dependent on her. After all, I had already decided it was okay if there was a lot of distance between us, but deep down that question was apparently unanswered.
“I can … never love you.” And my fist hit her cheek yet again. “Never!” And again.
“I’ll make you love me!” My stomach revolted horrendously, making me vomit a mouthful of blood.
“I hate you!” She used the opportunity I gave her to shove me off her and stand up slowly. She wasn’t steady on her feet, but I wasn’t faring any better. My soul felt like Irminsul gave her best to hurt me, my body aches with every movement I took. And yet, I stood up and faced her.
“But you are …” I was completely taken off guard by my fading vision and thus only held my fists in front of my face to protect myself.
“You and I are nothing. You are the murderer of every person I loved.” Mary was … gone. I had to admit that. The person in front of me was a mere shadow of her former self. She must have been twisted by Aska in some way or another … because she hurt me so much with her words alone, driving the wedge splitting me apart even deeper. Despite not seeing anything, I did notice something. After blinking once, I could see myself in front of me yet again, attempting to hold me back with her hands.
This time though, I seemed almost lifelike as if my schizophrenia had taken off for real. But I couldn’t care less. I just wanted Mary to like me again. Suddenly, I felt her hand at my shoulder and acted instantly. I stepped forwards, hugged her tightly and bit into her flesh.
“Monster!” She struggled immensely under my grasp and as I was quite weakened, she did manage to wriggle around quite a bit, but not enough to shake me off. Instead, it seemed as if we were dancing at first, at least until I stepped onto … nothing. With my arms around her and teeth still inside we flesh, I pulled her with me, down the deadly stairs. We both crashed onto the marble at the same time. It sent waves of pain through my whole body as I let go of her and tumbled further down without being able to do anything.
And just like me, she fell as well. It weren’t just my bones that were hitting the ground painfully, but hers as well.
Time and time again, I had to hear the horrible sound of her head crashing onto the stairs something which just couldn’t end well.
I was the first one to stop at the bottom of the floor, my whole being near the tipping point. I could barely move as Mary stopped just beside me, eerily quiet with her soul already leaving her body.
“No … no…” I didn’t even bother with her soul. After all, I could already feel Aska giving his best to get her out of my reach. Death filled the area around me for a bit, wrapping around her soul and pulling her into the ground while I grabbed her hand weakly. “No … I … I didn’t want that.”
And yet again, my whole world was being torn down by my very own actions. I had no intentions of murdering her at all … and yet it happened.
“Mary …” Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t as bad as Luna’s death, but the vision of the old Mary I had and she basically overlapped at this point, driving me insane.
Finally, my own soul gave way for the flood it held within it. Death spilt into the area, thicker than ever before and pushed all other elements around me away rapidly. Just like with Luna’s death, a bubble was formed around me but this time, it didn’t hold on for too long. A mere second after I had created it instinctively to protect myself, it already ceased to exist. My soul was way too damaged for anything else but that.
For a split second, my vision returned, letting me see all the destruction I had caused effortlessly. Mary and the mansion were gone, literally grinded to dust by my magic. I was in a middle of a circular crater, the surroundings filled with death.
But there was also something else in front of me. A single flower was blooming under the moon.
But I, completely done for, couldn’t even think about why it was there. I was just tired, even though I felt my own illness recede rapidly. I had murdered my mother … and yet I felt less than anticipated. No lingering remorse, no hatred for myself. Just sadness and this crushing tiredness.
And finally, my eyes closed and I fell over to the side. But I didn’t even notice how my head hit the ground. I was already asleep at this point.
