“Me and my compass … my compass is amazing~” I sung, even though Hannah lead the way and I didn’t even have my compass in my hand.
“My mistress is amazing~ she doesn’t even know the way~” Hannah followed up.
“I do know the way? Look, it our target is right over there!” I exclaimed and pointed towards the mansion a few metres in front of us. Well, we were already on the front yard, so claiming I knew the way was a bit …
“Sure … sure.” Why did she have to voice it so sarcastically? I had feelings as well …
“Hey, we only needed to travel so long because you wasted all your money on the tuition of a few children.” I said and pouted unhappily. Mine and her horse were already near their end and they looked almost happy as two servants guided them to the stables.
“You could have stopped me.” She said while grinning wildly.
“Hmpf.” I grunted a bit, but chose not to answer any more than this. Instead, I turned to one of the servants and pointed at him. “Hey, you! Where is that idiot?”
“That … you are speaking about the master?” He looked almost stupefied at my utter disrespect for Tom as if that never happened before. Well, it probably didn’t as the threat of death loomed over every visitor.
“Yeah, that idiot. Where is he?” I asked once more.
“In the backyard. I´ll show you the way.” The servant said and guided us past the mansion into a surprisingly lush garden with a multitude of different plants which I all didn’t know. Only slightly interested, I strolled past these mysterious plants that sometimes even bloomed in the moonlight until I stood in front of a table for four, the whore and Tom already seated at it.
“Slut.” She said as soon as I pulled my chair away from the table and sat down on it.
“Whore …” I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. “Hey, let´s not do this in front of Hannah. You know she is a bit sensitive if we are mean to each other.” Surprisingly, the whore even nodded towards me which I found really amusing, especially because Hannah stared at the whore the whole time. “Did anything happen between you two?”
“No.” Both said at the exact same time which made this whole affair incredibly suspicious.
“Okay? Anyways, the whore and I have made peace. Isn´t that glorious? Here, I even have a gift for you.” I placed the black rose I had in my hand the whole time in front of her and smiled brightly. “It is a very delicious rose called ‘Living Dream’. Boil it at exactly 166°C in a bit of water and you will get the best tea there is. I had to work so hard to get this flower, you won´t believe it!” I exclaimed and amused myself at the thought of her drinking it.
“That is so sweet of you. How can I ever repay your kindness? Oh, I got it! How about I chain you and throw you into the ocean?” The whore proposed and made me realise that my plan did have its faults. She knew that flower which meant everything was for naught.
“So much for the peace …” Hannah mumbled.
“But I don’t really trust the ocean nowadays. I head there were quite a lot of evil creatures there. But … if you could check the waters for me …” I proposed. If she would jump into the ocean first, I would truly consider following her.
“Tom … please do something.” Hannah begged.
“You have a higher level than me.” Tom answered, not too bothered by me and his wife being at each other’s throat.
“I cannot win against her.” Hannah said, just as I grabbed the poisonous flower and tried to push it into the whore’s mouth. It didn’t work that well, especially because I didn’t use much of my strength.
“In that case …” Tom started but stopped as I cursed loudly. That whore bit on my fingers without even any reservations. “just let them have their time. They will fuck each other an-“
“TOM!” I screamed and let go of the whore´s hair. “Not in front of Hannah!” I growled threateningly while Hannah blinked surprised.
“What´s wrong?” Tom asked, tilting his head in wonder.
“You two. Swear that you will never disclose what kind of shit we indulge ourselves in. Not to Hannah, nor to anyone else.” I growled threateningly.
“Hmm… okay.” He said nonchalantly, not understanding the problem I had.
“Swear it.” I hissed, my right eyelid twitching in anger as I caught the whore smiling to my side.
“I swear I will not tell anyone about our adventures.” Tom said which was enough for me.
“Whore?” I growled while looking over to her. She didn’t seem too bothered by me, probably because we were always throwing insults at each other.
“I swear I will not disclose any fet-“ I reached over to her, grabbed her hair and slammed her head onto the table. Blood immediately spewed out of her nose and she yelped in pain, even though it wasn’t even that hard.
“Swear it.” I growled, really pissed off by her behaviour.
“I swear I won’t say anything.” She finally said after a few seconds of holding her nose in pain. She seemed to have realised that I meant it for real this time and didn’t even bother to fight back. She wouldn’t have a chance anyway.
“Lucinda, I would be very grateful if you would refrain from hurting my wife in the future.” Finally, Tom showed a reaction, even though his voice was kind of dull and he rather looked at the approaching servant instead of his wife who still held her bleeding nose. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and didn’t even bother to answer him. He wouldn’t stop me from hurting her another time, everyone on this table knew that. But I also wouldn’t murder her, mostly because I still saw Tom as my extended family … and he was useful.
“Lucinda … what was that about?” Hannah asked once the servant placed the documents in front of Tom and excused himself again.
“Despite all … there are some things you are better off not knowing about me.” Especially not what I did in the bedroom. Hannah wouldn’t like to hear such things because of her history, that was for sure. As I didn’t want to lose her, I most definitely didn’t want her to know such stuff. “Anyways, tomorrow is the day.”
“Your coming of age ceremony? Ohh, our little Lucinda an adult after tomorrow? Well, your body certainly doesn’t look that way. Did you drink enough milk?” That whore … it did seem as if her nose wasn’t broken and I didn’t hurt her enough for her to shut up for the rest of the day. She also didn’t lose her ability to poke where it hurt the most. Most importantly though, she was really learning resistant. No matter what I would fling her way, she would simply gloss over it a few seconds afterwards.
“… yes, I did drink enough milk. I was talking about my meeting with the pope.” I said, already glaring to my left again. It was seriously a mistake to sit beside her.
“So it is your baptism … you are aware he will dribble water on your forehead?” I knew better than to answer that question. I still needed to give my best not to destroy the armrest of my chair as I tried to gloss over her provoking.
“Pope Urban is like all popes before him troubled with keeping all the faiths under one umbrella. Maybe it wasn’t that wise from the first pope of the church as we know it today to include all faiths. Especially the subdivision of chaos, death, and greed seem to hurt the integrity of the church, but no faith was ever expulsed from the church and so the barriers of doing so are rather high. As such, the pope has really no other option than to act as neutral as possible to please all the different priests and bishops who all pray to different gods.”
“The pope himself prays to who?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine the pope to be from the troubling subdivisions of the church, but who knew?
“The god of light.” A god who was relatively close to Irminsul and absolutely abhorred everything that wasn’t ‘good’. Interacting with him could be … troublesome. “We don’t know his attitude to vampirism though and I think he will try to ignore that flaw of his Saint.”
“Family?” I asked bluntly.
“Married to the gods.” Eww… and I thought polygamy was frowned upon if you weren’t a king.
“Hobbies?” I asked already slightly bored.
“Praying and extending the influence of the church.” Tom admitted. Truly, the pope was already quite a boring man.
“Weaknesses?” I asked while placing my chin on the table, devoid of any strength.
“He is human and never fought before. He also gave up on studying magic at an early age and focused solely on godly stuff.” A true cleric … how could I win against that?
“Hmm … any ideas how to get in touch with him?” I asked.
“That’s the problem. As the separation of church and state got watered down, the church built a cathedral on the grounds of the royal palace. He lives there, which means you will have to get through the protection of the royal palace which has been increased considerably after … a certain someone stole their most precious item. The pope rarely leaves the royal grounds, which makes it hard to meet him in person.” Hard … hard? Nearly impossible. I wasn’t sure I could sneak into the royal grounds again, even though I could fake my status more than any other could.
“Hmm …” I muttered.
“So, here is the plan I worked out. Five years ago, we managed to plant a bomb beneath the royal walls. The resulting explosion will disrupt most of the magical circles, making it the ideal time to sneak over the walls. Then, you would only need to wear the uniform of a priestess and head into the cathedral itself. We already have the blueprints of the building, so Hannah should be able to guide you around.” How cruel for him to assume I wouldn’t find the place myself. “Afterwards, you two can take out the guards of the cathedral while making sure to remain unspotted. The magical protection inside the building will remain intact, so you also need to act as fast as possible while making sure you won´t be trapped. And when you reach the pope, you will need to reveal yourself as the Saint to calm him down. That should be enough.” That was quite the plan … a bit over the top maybe, but not too bad.
“Sounds kind of easy. Where is the catch?” I asked and raised my eyebrow.
“Golems. We do know that in case of an emergency, stone golems will be used to defend the perimeter. They are apparently able to see through walls, so you need to take them out somehow. They will also alert the royal guards, the paladins stationed nearby and every other guard about the intruder so …” The golems on the other hand could be quite the problem. There was the possibility none of my abilities worked on them which would render me nearly useless in a fight against them.
“Hmm … okay, I think I can deal with them somehow. I have just one last question.” I asked and tilted my head.
“Yes?” He asked while smiling brightly.
“Are you insane? As if I would ever wear the clothes of a priestess! Fucking imbecile, your plan is shit!” I exclaimed angrily.
“Wait … it is the clothing that makes this plan infeasible?” Hannah asked surprised. No, not only the clothing made the plan the worst. Pulling off that stunt was nearly impossible in the first place, not to mention the uproar it would cause. Additionally, I didn’t want the king to know that his wifey had woken up because … well, I really didn’t want to act as a queen, nor as a saint.
“No, it is not just the clothing? Tom, please tell me you have another plan.” I said and looked at Tom who pursed his lips.
“Well … you did walk out of the Sanctuary, the holy place which is defended the best. Why don’t you use that way to get into the cathedral?” He proposed, to which I could only look into the sky for a little while.
“Because I haven’t won that many rounds of monopoly … anyways, that is out of the question.” I concluded. I wouldn’t ask Aska for a favour, at least if I could avoid it.
“What´s monopoly?” The whore chimed in.
“This world seriously has a board game deficiency. It is a competitive game where parents try to teach their children the cruelty of an unregulated free market and it is also the game I could use to bash your head. Anyways, another plan?” I asked, so short of attacking the whore once more, even though she didn’t do anything this time. It was just … tempting.
“Nope.” Tom admitted and shrugged.
“Disappointing.” I concluded. “Whore, do you have any idea?”
“Sleep with the guard …” She said while looking at me strangely. “Oh, I forgot.” She said, which seemed to be the truth. At least she didn’t voice what she forgot, which could have been disastrous. Kind of happy to have avoided the fate of explaining Hannah why my sexual partner mostly ended up as corpses, I looked and her and smiled brightly.
“Ehh … no idea.” She said which proved once and for all that Tom was a complete maniac who didn’t want me to take the easiest path, that the whore was … still the same and Hannah couldn’t come up with her own ideas.
“Okay, in that case, we have to create an international crisis which can only be solved with the help of the church. I am thinking about using some heretics to incite a rebellion in the south. Due to the ongoing conflict with the demons in the north, the king wouldn’t be able to respond, forcing the pope to lead his own troops south. And then, we will strike. His camp won´t be defended that well, but we will have to fight against the best of whatever the church has to offer. But I do think we are capable of such a feat.” I said in a very serious tone.
“Really? That’s the plan?” Tom asked with glee. He really wanted to cause mayhem again. Too bad for him.
“No, I´ll ask Luna to introduce me to him. Idiot.”
“Me and my compass … my compass is amazing~” I sung, even though Hannah lead the way and I didn’t even have my compass in my hand.
“My mistress is amazing~ she doesn’t even know the way~” Hannah followed up.
“I do know the way? Look, it our target is right over there!” I exclaimed and pointed towards the mansion a few metres in front of us. Well, we were already on the front yard, so claiming I knew the way was a bit …
“Sure … sure.” Why did she have to voice it so sarcastically? I had feelings as well …
“Hey, we only needed to travel so long because you wasted all your money on the tuition of a few children.” I said and pouted unhappily. Mine and her horse were already near their end and they looked almost happy as two servants guided them to the stables.
“You could have stopped me.” She said while grinning wildly.
“Hmpf.” I grunted a bit, but chose not to answer any more than this. Instead, I turned to one of the servants and pointed at him. “Hey, you! Where is that idiot?”
“That … you are speaking about the master?” He looked almost stupefied at my utter disrespect for Tom as if that never happened before. Well, it probably didn’t as the threat of death loomed over every visitor.
“Yeah, that idiot. Where is he?” I asked once more.
“In the backyard. I´ll show you the way.” The servant said and guided us past the mansion into a surprisingly lush garden with a multitude of different plants which I all didn’t know. Only slightly interested, I strolled past these mysterious plants that sometimes even bloomed in the moonlight until I stood in front of a table for four, the whore and Tom already seated at it.
“Slut.” She said as soon as I pulled my chair away from the table and sat down on it.
“Whore …” I leaned over to her and whispered in her ear. “Hey, let´s not do this in front of Hannah. You know she is a bit sensitive if we are mean to each other.” Surprisingly, the whore even nodded towards me which I found really amusing, especially because Hannah stared at the whore the whole time. “Did anything happen between you two?”
“No.” Both said at the exact same time which made this whole affair incredibly suspicious.
“Okay? Anyways, the whore and I have made peace. Isn´t that glorious? Here, I even have a gift for you.” I placed the black rose I had in my hand the whole time in front of her and smiled brightly. “It is a very delicious rose called ‘Living Dream’. Boil it at exactly 166°C in a bit of water and you will get the best tea there is. I had to work so hard to get this flower, you won´t believe it!” I exclaimed and amused myself at the thought of her drinking it.
“That is so sweet of you. How can I ever repay your kindness? Oh, I got it! How about I chain you and throw you into the ocean?” The whore proposed and made me realise that my plan did have its faults. She knew that flower which meant everything was for naught.
“So much for the peace …” Hannah mumbled.
“But I don’t really trust the ocean nowadays. I head there were quite a lot of evil creatures there. But … if you could check the waters for me …” I proposed. If she would jump into the ocean first, I would truly consider following her.
“Tom … please do something.” Hannah begged.
“You have a higher level than me.” Tom answered, not too bothered by me and his wife being at each other’s throat.
“I cannot win against her.” Hannah said, just as I grabbed the poisonous flower and tried to push it into the whore’s mouth. It didn’t work that well, especially because I didn’t use much of my strength.
“In that case …” Tom started but stopped as I cursed loudly. That whore bit on my fingers without even any reservations. “just let them have their time. They will fuck each other an-“
“TOM!” I screamed and let go of the whore´s hair. “Not in front of Hannah!” I growled threateningly while Hannah blinked surprised.
“What´s wrong?” Tom asked, tilting his head in wonder.
“You two. Swear that you will never disclose what kind of shit we indulge ourselves in. Not to Hannah, nor to anyone else.” I growled threateningly.
“Hmm… okay.” He said nonchalantly, not understanding the problem I had.
“Swear it.” I hissed, my right eyelid twitching in anger as I caught the whore smiling to my side.
“I swear I will not tell anyone about our adventures.” Tom said which was enough for me.
“Whore?” I growled while looking over to her. She didn’t seem too bothered by me, probably because we were always throwing insults at each other.
“I swear I will not disclose any fet-“ I reached over to her, grabbed her hair and slammed her head onto the table. Blood immediately spewed out of her nose and she yelped in pain, even though it wasn’t even that hard.
“Swear it.” I growled, really pissed off by her behaviour.
“I swear I won’t say anything.” She finally said after a few seconds of holding her nose in pain. She seemed to have realised that I meant it for real this time and didn’t even bother to fight back. She wouldn’t have a chance anyway.
“Lucinda, I would be very grateful if you would refrain from hurting my wife in the future.” Finally, Tom showed a reaction, even though his voice was kind of dull and he rather looked at the approaching servant instead of his wife who still held her bleeding nose. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and didn’t even bother to answer him. He wouldn’t stop me from hurting her another time, everyone on this table knew that. But I also wouldn’t murder her, mostly because I still saw Tom as my extended family … and he was useful.
“Lucinda … what was that about?” Hannah asked once the servant placed the documents in front of Tom and excused himself again.
“Despite all … there are some things you are better off not knowing about me.” Especially not what I did in the bedroom. Hannah wouldn’t like to hear such things because of her history, that was for sure. As I didn’t want to lose her, I most definitely didn’t want her to know such stuff. “Anyways, tomorrow is the day.”
“Your coming of age ceremony? Ohh, our little Lucinda an adult after tomorrow? Well, your body certainly doesn’t look that way. Did you drink enough milk?” That whore … it did seem as if her nose wasn’t broken and I didn’t hurt her enough for her to shut up for the rest of the day. She also didn’t lose her ability to poke where it hurt the most. Most importantly though, she was really learning resistant. No matter what I would fling her way, she would simply gloss over it a few seconds afterwards.
“… yes, I did drink enough milk. I was talking about my meeting with the pope.” I said, already glaring to my left again. It was seriously a mistake to sit beside her.
“So it is your baptism … you are aware he will dribble water on your forehead?” I knew better than to answer that question. I still needed to give my best not to destroy the armrest of my chair as I tried to gloss over her provoking.
“Pope Urban is like all popes before him troubled with keeping all the faiths under one umbrella. Maybe it wasn’t that wise from the first pope of the church as we know it today to include all faiths. Especially the subdivision of chaos, death, and greed seem to hurt the integrity of the church, but no faith was ever expulsed from the church and so the barriers of doing so are rather high. As such, the pope has really no other option than to act as neutral as possible to please all the different priests and bishops who all pray to different gods.”
“The pope himself prays to who?” I asked. I couldn’t imagine the pope to be from the troubling subdivisions of the church, but who knew?
“The god of light.” A god who was relatively close to Irminsul and absolutely abhorred everything that wasn’t ‘good’. Interacting with him could be … troublesome. “We don’t know his attitude to vampirism though and I think he will try to ignore that flaw of his Saint.”
“Family?” I asked bluntly.
“Married to the gods.” Eww… and I thought polygamy was frowned upon if you weren’t a king.
“Hobbies?” I asked already slightly bored.
“Praying and extending the influence of the church.” Tom admitted. Truly, the pope was already quite a boring man.
“Weaknesses?” I asked while placing my chin on the table, devoid of any strength.
“He is human and never fought before. He also gave up on studying magic at an early age and focused solely on godly stuff.” A true cleric … how could I win against that?
“Hmm … any ideas how to get in touch with him?” I asked.
“That’s the problem. As the separation of church and state got watered down, the church built a cathedral on the grounds of the royal palace. He lives there, which means you will have to get through the protection of the royal palace which has been increased considerably after … a certain someone stole their most precious item. The pope rarely leaves the royal grounds, which makes it hard to meet him in person.” Hard … hard? Nearly impossible. I wasn’t sure I could sneak into the royal grounds again, even though I could fake my status more than any other could.
“Hmm …” I muttered.
“So, here is the plan I worked out. Five years ago, we managed to plant a bomb beneath the royal walls. The resulting explosion will disrupt most of the magical circles, making it the ideal time to sneak over the walls. Then, you would only need to wear the uniform of a priestess and head into the cathedral itself. We already have the blueprints of the building, so Hannah should be able to guide you around.” How cruel for him to assume I wouldn’t find the place myself. “Afterwards, you two can take out the guards of the cathedral while making sure to remain unspotted. The magical protection inside the building will remain intact, so you also need to act as fast as possible while making sure you won´t be trapped. And when you reach the pope, you will need to reveal yourself as the Saint to calm him down. That should be enough.” That was quite the plan … a bit over the top maybe, but not too bad.
“Sounds kind of easy. Where is the catch?” I asked and raised my eyebrow.
“Golems. We do know that in case of an emergency, stone golems will be used to defend the perimeter. They are apparently able to see through walls, so you need to take them out somehow. They will also alert the royal guards, the paladins stationed nearby and every other guard about the intruder so …” The golems on the other hand could be quite the problem. There was the possibility none of my abilities worked on them which would render me nearly useless in a fight against them.
“Hmm … okay, I think I can deal with them somehow. I have just one last question.” I asked and tilted my head.
“Yes?” He asked while smiling brightly.
“Are you insane? As if I would ever wear the clothes of a priestess! Fucking imbecile, your plan is shit!” I exclaimed angrily.
“Wait … it is the clothing that makes this plan infeasible?” Hannah asked surprised. No, not only the clothing made the plan the worst. Pulling off that stunt was nearly impossible in the first place, not to mention the uproar it would cause. Additionally, I didn’t want the king to know that his wifey had woken up because … well, I really didn’t want to act as a queen, nor as a saint.
“No, it is not just the clothing? Tom, please tell me you have another plan.” I said and looked at Tom who pursed his lips.
“Well … you did walk out of the Sanctuary, the holy place which is defended the best. Why don’t you use that way to get into the cathedral?” He proposed, to which I could only look into the sky for a little while.
“Because I haven’t won that many rounds of monopoly … anyways, that is out of the question.” I concluded. I wouldn’t ask Aska for a favour, at least if I could avoid it.
“What´s monopoly?” The whore chimed in.
“This world seriously has a board game deficiency. It is a competitive game where parents try to teach their children the cruelty of an unregulated free market and it is also the game I could use to bash your head. Anyways, another plan?” I asked, so short of attacking the whore once more, even though she didn’t do anything this time. It was just … tempting.
“Nope.” Tom admitted and shrugged.
“Disappointing.” I concluded. “Whore, do you have any idea?”
“Sleep with the guard …” She said while looking at me strangely. “Oh, I forgot.” She said, which seemed to be the truth. At least she didn’t voice what she forgot, which could have been disastrous. Kind of happy to have avoided the fate of explaining Hannah why my sexual partner mostly ended up as corpses, I looked and her and smiled brightly.
“Ehh … no idea.” She said which proved once and for all that Tom was a complete maniac who didn’t want me to take the easiest path, that the whore was … still the same and Hannah couldn’t come up with her own ideas.
“Okay, in that case, we have to create an international crisis which can only be solved with the help of the church. I am thinking about using some heretics to incite a rebellion in the south. Due to the ongoing conflict with the demons in the north, the king wouldn’t be able to respond, forcing the pope to lead his own troops south. And then, we will strike. His camp won´t be defended that well, but we will have to fight against the best of whatever the church has to offer. But I do think we are capable of such a feat.” I said in a very serious tone.
“Really? That’s the plan?” Tom asked with glee. He really wanted to cause mayhem again. Too bad for him.
“No, I´ll ask Luna to introduce me to him. Idiot.”
