“Lucy, Lucy! Where are you going?” asked Leonie, the orphan who had become a close friend of Laura after some time a few seconds after I opened the door to the orphanage to leave the building one last time. I had so much fun that day, especially because the children were largely forgiving about my absence.
“I need to go, Laura. It is already late and I promised I would be back before nightfall.” I said, even though this was a little lie. Mary would never try to stand in between me and the orphans, that was for sure, but I noticed they were getting tired and thus, decided to take my leave quietly while holding back all my tears.
“Will you come back? Or … will you…” Be absent again? With a painful expression, I turned around to her.
“Leonie … I fear this is the last time I can visit you all.” I said and regretted saying that nearly instantly. She teared up and thus, the other kids still playing around outside came running towards us rather swiftly. “Hey, hey, don’t cry.”
“But we need you!” She said in a defiant tone.
“Leonie … you, Rupert, Paul, all of your other friends, I will miss them dearly. You all are my treasure. Whenever you smile, I feel happy. Whenever you cry, I feel sad. So please, don’t cry, but smile instead. I won´t be able to visit you in the future, but I will always be with you and watch over you, I promise that.” I said and even though I didn´t want to lie to them that brazenly, it was a lie I needed to make.
“But …” Leonie started once more but didn´t really know what to say.
“Leonie, you all. I need you to stay strong. Otherwise, I won´t be able to walk forwards and daw smiles on everyone´s faces like I tried to do my whole time.” I explained in a gentle tone.
“We are baggage?” Paul, another orphan I held dearly, asked.
“No, no. You are giving me the strength I bitterly need right now.” I told him and everyone else of the group which slowly grew in size.
“If it is that horrible, why are you marrying the king then?” He asked bitterly.
“Paul, there are things you need to do so that the world becomes a better place. So that you can have a happy life so that I can see your smiles, even if it is from afar.” I said, hoping they would understand my reasoning somewhat. I knew they were young and their personality wasn’t that developed yet, but I still hoped they wouldn’t blame me for vanishing.
“We will smile anyway!” He exclaimed and somehow managed to smile, even though I could see tears flowing out of his eyes.
“This marriage isn´t about me, or the king. It is about something far, far bigger than any one of us. It is about the future of this kingdom, of humanity itself. It goes even beyond that. It is about the future of this world itself. Your future, Leonie’s, that of everyone around you, that of millions of other humans, and mine as well. So please grant me this selfish request and let me bring smiles to your lips one last time.” I said and tried to smile myself. It wasn’t the best smile I ever showed others because I failed to hide my emotions around children quite often, but it was a smile, nonetheless.
“I don’t want you to die …” Leonie muttered, showing that these children were definitely not over the traumas of their past yet.
“I will not die, Leonie. What makes you think that?” I asked gently.
“Laura went away as well.” I could feel my smile freezing on my face for a split second until I somehow relaxed again.
“She found a real family, something I hope for all of you.” I said and went through her hair with my hand.
“But you are my family! Everyone here is!” She exclaimed bitterly while the others around us joined in to approve of her sentiment.
“And you are mine. You are the little sister I always wished for, Paul is the little brother, Tomas over there is our big brother who protects us from the meanies. Every single one of you is part of my family, no matter if you are here, adopted or living on your own. Okay? And maybe, we will see each other again one day. Maybe you will work at the palace one day, maybe we will see us in our next life. Who knows what will happen?” I told them while looking at the sun, going down slowly behind the horizon.
“Is it time to go already?” Leonie asked, and I had to agree that it truly was. Someone else was already waiting for me.
“It is … make sure to take care of each other, okay?” I asked, looking in each and every one of their faces.
“We will …” Leonie said, but I made sure that every single one promised me that. They would have the churches to protect them, but I would be missing. And that knowledge certainly didn´t make it easier to turn away from them and walk towards my carriage.
Before I stepped into it though, I looked behind me one last time towards the group of children. Some were crying, some waving with a teary smile. I waved back a few seconds until I opened the door and entered the carriage, tears running down my cheeks.
I gave them a place to stay, a place to live in safety. But it still didn´t feel like I did enough for them. But realistically, starting this snowball which was running down the hill on its own after some time was all I could do. I would never have the financial resources to help every child in the capital city, nor the whole kingdom. But others did, and I dearly hoped they would follow in my footsteps.
“Lucy, Lucy! Where are you going?” asked Leonie, the orphan who had become a close friend of Laura after some time a few seconds after I opened the door to the orphanage to leave the building one last time. I had so much fun that day, especially because the children were largely forgiving about my absence.
“I need to go, Laura. It is already late and I promised I would be back before nightfall.” I said, even though this was a little lie. Mary would never try to stand in between me and the orphans, that was for sure, but I noticed they were getting tired and thus, decided to take my leave quietly while holding back all my tears.
“Will you come back? Or … will you…” Be absent again? With a painful expression, I turned around to her.
“Leonie … I fear this is the last time I can visit you all.” I said and regretted saying that nearly instantly. She teared up and thus, the other kids still playing around outside came running towards us rather swiftly. “Hey, hey, don’t cry.”
“But we need you!” She said in a defiant tone.
“Leonie … you, Rupert, Paul, all of your other friends, I will miss them dearly. You all are my treasure. Whenever you smile, I feel happy. Whenever you cry, I feel sad. So please, don’t cry, but smile instead. I won´t be able to visit you in the future, but I will always be with you and watch over you, I promise that.” I said and even though I didn´t want to lie to them that brazenly, it was a lie I needed to make.
“But …” Leonie started once more but didn´t really know what to say.
“Leonie, you all. I need you to stay strong. Otherwise, I won´t be able to walk forwards and daw smiles on everyone´s faces like I tried to do my whole time.” I explained in a gentle tone.
“We are baggage?” Paul, another orphan I held dearly, asked.
“No, no. You are giving me the strength I bitterly need right now.” I told him and everyone else of the group which slowly grew in size.
“If it is that horrible, why are you marrying the king then?” He asked bitterly.
“Paul, there are things you need to do so that the world becomes a better place. So that you can have a happy life so that I can see your smiles, even if it is from afar.” I said, hoping they would understand my reasoning somewhat. I knew they were young and their personality wasn’t that developed yet, but I still hoped they wouldn’t blame me for vanishing.
“We will smile anyway!” He exclaimed and somehow managed to smile, even though I could see tears flowing out of his eyes.
“This marriage isn´t about me, or the king. It is about something far, far bigger than any one of us. It is about the future of this kingdom, of humanity itself. It goes even beyond that. It is about the future of this world itself. Your future, Leonie’s, that of everyone around you, that of millions of other humans, and mine as well. So please grant me this selfish request and let me bring smiles to your lips one last time.” I said and tried to smile myself. It wasn’t the best smile I ever showed others because I failed to hide my emotions around children quite often, but it was a smile, nonetheless.
“I don’t want you to die …” Leonie muttered, showing that these children were definitely not over the traumas of their past yet.
“I will not die, Leonie. What makes you think that?” I asked gently.
“Laura went away as well.” I could feel my smile freezing on my face for a split second until I somehow relaxed again.
“She found a real family, something I hope for all of you.” I said and went through her hair with my hand.
“But you are my family! Everyone here is!” She exclaimed bitterly while the others around us joined in to approve of her sentiment.
“And you are mine. You are the little sister I always wished for, Paul is the little brother, Tomas over there is our big brother who protects us from the meanies. Every single one of you is part of my family, no matter if you are here, adopted or living on your own. Okay? And maybe, we will see each other again one day. Maybe you will work at the palace one day, maybe we will see us in our next life. Who knows what will happen?” I told them while looking at the sun, going down slowly behind the horizon.
“Is it time to go already?” Leonie asked, and I had to agree that it truly was. Someone else was already waiting for me.
“It is … make sure to take care of each other, okay?” I asked, looking in each and every one of their faces.
“We will …” Leonie said, but I made sure that every single one promised me that. They would have the churches to protect them, but I would be missing. And that knowledge certainly didn´t make it easier to turn away from them and walk towards my carriage.
Before I stepped into it though, I looked behind me one last time towards the group of children. Some were crying, some waving with a teary smile. I waved back a few seconds until I opened the door and entered the carriage, tears running down my cheeks.
I gave them a place to stay, a place to live in safety. But it still didn´t feel like I did enough for them. But realistically, starting this snowball which was running down the hill on its own after some time was all I could do. I would never have the financial resources to help every child in the capital city, nor the whole kingdom. But others did, and I dearly hoped they would follow in my footsteps.
