Chapter 20
A place that never saw sunlight, even during the day.
Dirty houses stuck together like beehives. Labyrinthine alleys. Ceilings with a grotesque tangle of drainpipes and wires.
I spent 12 nameless years under a moldy ceiling instead of a sky.
My memories of that time are blurry, but there are some things that still linger like an afterimage.
The winter when it rained instead of snow. The temperature of the rain, when she was forced outside to stand in it whenever her mother brought in a man.
The damp, musty smell of wallpaper.
The storybook she found in an abandoned house. The pretty, happy princess in the storybook.
The fluffy, warm fur of the black cat that had suddenly walked into the house one day.
“Do you live here?
The first glimpse of a lighted world.
A boy about your age who lives in that world.
Black hair, black eyes, sparkling like a princess in a storybook.
‘I’m lost. Do you know the way here?
‘…….’
‘Are you a foreigner, so you can’t understand me?
You have pretty hair. The child smiled as she said that.
I pursed my lips, but eventually clamped them shut.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a conversation with someone.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve spoken to someone, and never in this way.
So I didn’t know what to say.
“Thank you, it’s really complicated here. But don’t you know any real ice cream? I’ll get it next time. I live around here.’
‘Hey! I snuck out of my mom’s house! Do you have a real name? How do you live without a name?’
The black ice cream was scarily sweet.
They were etched into my mind with something paler than color.
But I remembered the day it was all consumed by the flames like it was yesterday.
As I ran frantically and tripped over something, I remembered my mother’s last face, which I recognized instantly, even though it was mutilated.
She remembered the hotness of the black puddle beneath her feet.
The more horrible things were, the clearer they were.
Even the round eyeballs that had rolled over and stopped at her feet, the black pupils that would never sparkle again.
‘He can’t see you anymore. If you’re his father’s blood, you can do this, can’t you?
‘Go ahead and kill him, kid.
He remembered his first kill at twelve.
The name of the mark on his heart, stamped with a fiery iron ball, was Xiao.
It was a hell that would not be erased until the day his heart stopped beating.
* * *
I ran up the stairs as if I might fall at any moment.
I took off my shoes so I wouldn’t hear my footsteps and went barefoot. All I could think about was how I had to get out of here.
How?
Since when?
The moment our eyes met, I felt like I was standing on the palm of his hand, and my stomach flipped.
‘You can’t be…….’
Just when I thought he might have realized I was awake, I almost fell over. I barely held onto the railing.
Then, if I knew I was awake. Knowing everything…….
I swallowed my anxiety and ran my fingertips over my throat. I could still feel a chill where Yugyeom’s touch had been.
I had just finished climbing the stairs and was about to cross the bridge.
BANG!
The clear sound of a gunshot from below stopped me in my tracks. I looked down the stairs and saw nothing but blackness.
“I find it so funny that you’re trying so hard to live like this.
I had never heard Yugyeom speak like that before.
He always hid his inner laughter and persevered.
If he punished someone, it was when they were off guard, and he never acted impulsively.
So why should I do something I’ve never done before…….
I gritted my teeth and turned around.
I blew the fuse on what appeared to be a circuit breaker on the wall and pushed the red button next to it with all my might.
Beep, beep, beep.
A siren wailed across the darkened training center.
It would be better to get out of sight this way anyway.
I shoved my feet roughly into my shoes and tied my hair up, pulling it out of the hat hole.
As I stepped inside the bridge, the red glow of the setting sun scorched my vision.
I skidded to a hesitant halt. The reality that surrounded me now seemed as distant as a dream.
But I quickly regained my composure and started walking again.
The sensation of drowning in the flooding sunset hit me in the lungs.
Thud!
A cold hand grabbed my wrist. I was yanked backward without a second to protest.
For a split second, I wish I hadn’t been lying.
I’d rather it was an oil painting.
“…….”
But the moment I turned around, I saw a head of red sunset hair rippling in front of me.
She was red all over.
From the hair to the eyes that held me.
His grip was firm, as if he would never let go.
“……Where are you going?”
His voice was laughing, but his eyes were dark. The difference was so clear I could feel it in my hands.
The sunset eyes mirrored the ones I’d seen in the fire.
It took all my strength to keep from falling into them.
“Trying to run away?”
Yugyeom said in a playful tone.
The hand grabbing my wrist tightened. My wrists were the only thing holding me, but my breath was still rushing out of my lungs.
He tilted his head, his eyes twinkling, his smile like dried petals.
Like a flower that is dead but not dead, like a life that is alive but not quite dead.
Even beyond that face, which was somehow as stern as a mask.
“Don’t ask me something you know …….”
A stifled voice spilled out.
“You knew I was awake, didn’t you? No. Did you know I was going to run away?”
There was no answer. I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.
There was silence for several seconds.
I couldn’t stand it, so I finally spoke up.
“Send it.”
“…….”
“I’m not actually related to Baek Ha-won. You’re not going to get anything out of me.”
I reached out and wrapped my hand around Yugyeom’s, which was clutching my wrist.
“Still, even if I’m useless, you don’t have to kill me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of his torn and bleeding arm. I grit my teeth and forcefully pried the cold hand away.
Despite the strength of my grip, Yugyeom obediently pulled away.
I lifted my head and locked eyes with Yugyeom.
For a moment, I choked on my words, but I forced myself to speak.
“I saved your life.”
I didn’t save Yugyeom to take advantage of this, but he was the one who brought me outside.
It was shameless, but I had no choice.
If I get caught here, it’s really the end.
Yugyeom looked at me without saying a word.
His red eyes were so intense, I couldn’t make out his expression.
I finally couldn’t bear the stare and looked away.
In truth, I didn’t know if I wanted to know forever. You were standing in front of me, looking at me.
I was just about to turn away.
“……!”
A large hand gently wrapped around the nape of my neck. At the same time, my wrist was grabbed again.
I was pulled a step toward Yugyeom and turned my head toward him.
I always thought I knew him better than anyone else in this world.
But as if to shatter that conceit, his usually pretty face contorted into a shape I’d never imagined.
The corners of his mouth pulled up.
His eyes narrowed like he was crying, and it looked like he was, even though he wasn’t.
“No.”
His voice was so thin it seemed to break in the sunset.
“I can’t, I can’t let go.”
I was caught in his gaze, unable to say anything, unable to look away.
The desperation in his voice was dreamy and scattered.
“I won’t let go.”
I was speechless.
Why?
Why that face.
The way he looked at me, the strength of his grip on my wrist, the urgency of his words.
I couldn’t find the words to say because the urgency of it was embarrassing.
Why is he holding on to me? Like a jilted lover…….
“It can’t be.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of my thoughts.
There was no such thing as a heroine in this novel.
I realized that the desperate look in her eyes was an illusion, and my stomach calmed down.
“I hope I never see you again.”
I muttered something under my breath and looked up again.
At that moment, the crooked smile vanished from Yugyeom’s face. His face was cold even in the red sunset.
Unable to believe his eyes, he stood still, unable to blink.
It was too clear to be an illusion.
Yugyeom pulled me closer as I tried to pull back.
Our faces were so close, I stopped breathing. His lips parted as if he was about to say something.
“Yugyeom?”
A voice came from behind me.
“Who is that woman?”
The footsteps stopped close by. My body stiffened with tension.
“Yuhwa said there’s an intruder in the training grounds…….”
Unfortunately, it must be someone from Yuhwa’s side.
She’d already guessed that Yugyeom had me, and now she’d come up here.
I start to turn my head away, but Yugyeom stops me by wrapping his hand around my cheek.
“Who do you think it is?”
Yugyeom folded his eyes in half and smiled.
It was so natural. I felt like the face I saw was fake.
Chulkuck. I heard the sound of a gun being loaded.
“Hand it over. It’s Liu Hua’s orders to deal with anyone you encounter along the way.”
Yugyeom laughed out loud once and bowed his head toward me.
His hand came to rest firmly on the back of my head, pulling me closer.
Our lips didn’t touch, but our breaths mingled.
I didn’t blink. The seconds that could have been moments seemed agonizingly slow.
His long eyelashes fell heavily. At the same time, his gaze skimmed my lips once, deeply, and then dropped.
Chapter 20
A place that never saw sunlight, even during the day.
Dirty houses stuck together like beehives. Labyrinthine alleys. Ceilings with a grotesque tangle of drainpipes and wires.
I spent 12 nameless years under a moldy ceiling instead of a sky.
My memories of that time are blurry, but there are some things that still linger like an afterimage.
The winter when it rained instead of snow. The temperature of the rain, when she was forced outside to stand in it whenever her mother brought in a man.
The damp, musty smell of wallpaper.
The storybook she found in an abandoned house. The pretty, happy princess in the storybook.
The fluffy, warm fur of the black cat that had suddenly walked into the house one day.
“Do you live here?
The first glimpse of a lighted world.
A boy about your age who lives in that world.
Black hair, black eyes, sparkling like a princess in a storybook.
‘I’m lost. Do you know the way here?
‘…….’
‘Are you a foreigner, so you can’t understand me?
You have pretty hair. The child smiled as she said that.
I pursed my lips, but eventually clamped them shut.
It’s been a while since I’ve had a conversation with someone.
I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve spoken to someone, and never in this way.
So I didn’t know what to say.
“Thank you, it’s really complicated here. But don’t you know any real ice cream? I’ll get it next time. I live around here.’
‘Hey! I snuck out of my mom’s house! Do you have a real name? How do you live without a name?’
The black ice cream was scarily sweet.
They were etched into my mind with something paler than color.
But I remembered the day it was all consumed by the flames like it was yesterday.
As I ran frantically and tripped over something, I remembered my mother’s last face, which I recognized instantly, even though it was mutilated.
She remembered the hotness of the black puddle beneath her feet.
The more horrible things were, the clearer they were.
Even the round eyeballs that had rolled over and stopped at her feet, the black pupils that would never sparkle again.
‘He can’t see you anymore. If you’re his father’s blood, you can do this, can’t you?
‘Go ahead and kill him, kid.
He remembered his first kill at twelve.
The name of the mark on his heart, stamped with a fiery iron ball, was Xiao.
It was a hell that would not be erased until the day his heart stopped beating.
* * *
I ran up the stairs as if I might fall at any moment.
I took off my shoes so I wouldn’t hear my footsteps and went barefoot. All I could think about was how I had to get out of here.
How?
Since when?
The moment our eyes met, I felt like I was standing on the palm of his hand, and my stomach flipped.
‘You can’t be…….’
Just when I thought he might have realized I was awake, I almost fell over. I barely held onto the railing.
Then, if I knew I was awake. Knowing everything…….
I swallowed my anxiety and ran my fingertips over my throat. I could still feel a chill where Yugyeom’s touch had been.
I had just finished climbing the stairs and was about to cross the bridge.
BANG!
The clear sound of a gunshot from below stopped me in my tracks. I looked down the stairs and saw nothing but blackness.
“I find it so funny that you’re trying so hard to live like this.
I had never heard Yugyeom speak like that before.
He always hid his inner laughter and persevered.
If he punished someone, it was when they were off guard, and he never acted impulsively.
So why should I do something I’ve never done before…….
I gritted my teeth and turned around.
I blew the fuse on what appeared to be a circuit breaker on the wall and pushed the red button next to it with all my might.
Beep, beep, beep.
A siren wailed across the darkened training center.
It would be better to get out of sight this way anyway.
I shoved my feet roughly into my shoes and tied my hair up, pulling it out of the hat hole.
As I stepped inside the bridge, the red glow of the setting sun scorched my vision.
I skidded to a hesitant halt. The reality that surrounded me now seemed as distant as a dream.
But I quickly regained my composure and started walking again.
The sensation of drowning in the flooding sunset hit me in the lungs.
Thud!
A cold hand grabbed my wrist. I was yanked backward without a second to protest.
For a split second, I wish I hadn’t been lying.
I’d rather it was an oil painting.
“…….”
But the moment I turned around, I saw a head of red sunset hair rippling in front of me.
She was red all over.
From the hair to the eyes that held me.
His grip was firm, as if he would never let go.
“……Where are you going?”
His voice was laughing, but his eyes were dark. The difference was so clear I could feel it in my hands.
The sunset eyes mirrored the ones I’d seen in the fire.
It took all my strength to keep from falling into them.
“Trying to run away?”
Yugyeom said in a playful tone.
The hand grabbing my wrist tightened. My wrists were the only thing holding me, but my breath was still rushing out of my lungs.
He tilted his head, his eyes twinkling, his smile like dried petals.
Like a flower that is dead but not dead, like a life that is alive but not quite dead.
Even beyond that face, which was somehow as stern as a mask.
“Don’t ask me something you know …….”
A stifled voice spilled out.
“You knew I was awake, didn’t you? No. Did you know I was going to run away?”
There was no answer. I bit my lip to keep from laughing out loud.
There was silence for several seconds.
I couldn’t stand it, so I finally spoke up.
“Send it.”
“…….”
“I’m not actually related to Baek Ha-won. You’re not going to get anything out of me.”
I reached out and wrapped my hand around Yugyeom’s, which was clutching my wrist.
“Still, even if I’m useless, you don’t have to kill me.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of his torn and bleeding arm. I grit my teeth and forcefully pried the cold hand away.
Despite the strength of my grip, Yugyeom obediently pulled away.
I lifted my head and locked eyes with Yugyeom.
For a moment, I choked on my words, but I forced myself to speak.
“I saved your life.”
I didn’t save Yugyeom to take advantage of this, but he was the one who brought me outside.
It was shameless, but I had no choice.
If I get caught here, it’s really the end.
Yugyeom looked at me without saying a word.
His red eyes were so intense, I couldn’t make out his expression.
I finally couldn’t bear the stare and looked away.
In truth, I didn’t know if I wanted to know forever. You were standing in front of me, looking at me.
I was just about to turn away.
“……!”
A large hand gently wrapped around the nape of my neck. At the same time, my wrist was grabbed again.
I was pulled a step toward Yugyeom and turned my head toward him.
I always thought I knew him better than anyone else in this world.
But as if to shatter that conceit, his usually pretty face contorted into a shape I’d never imagined.
The corners of his mouth pulled up.
His eyes narrowed like he was crying, and it looked like he was, even though he wasn’t.
“No.”
His voice was so thin it seemed to break in the sunset.
“I can’t, I can’t let go.”
I was caught in his gaze, unable to say anything, unable to look away.
The desperation in his voice was dreamy and scattered.
“I won’t let go.”
I was speechless.
Why?
Why that face.
The way he looked at me, the strength of his grip on my wrist, the urgency of his words.
I couldn’t find the words to say because the urgency of it was embarrassing.
Why is he holding on to me? Like a jilted lover…….
“It can’t be.
I couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of my thoughts.
There was no such thing as a heroine in this novel.
I realized that the desperate look in her eyes was an illusion, and my stomach calmed down.
“I hope I never see you again.”
I muttered something under my breath and looked up again.
At that moment, the crooked smile vanished from Yugyeom’s face. His face was cold even in the red sunset.
Unable to believe his eyes, he stood still, unable to blink.
It was too clear to be an illusion.
Yugyeom pulled me closer as I tried to pull back.
Our faces were so close, I stopped breathing. His lips parted as if he was about to say something.
“Yugyeom?”
A voice came from behind me.
“Who is that woman?”
The footsteps stopped close by. My body stiffened with tension.
“Yuhwa said there’s an intruder in the training grounds…….”
Unfortunately, it must be someone from Yuhwa’s side.
She’d already guessed that Yugyeom had me, and now she’d come up here.
I start to turn my head away, but Yugyeom stops me by wrapping his hand around my cheek.
“Who do you think it is?”
Yugyeom folded his eyes in half and smiled.
It was so natural. I felt like the face I saw was fake.
Chulkuck. I heard the sound of a gun being loaded.
“Hand it over. It’s Liu Hua’s orders to deal with anyone you encounter along the way.”
Yugyeom laughed out loud once and bowed his head toward me.
His hand came to rest firmly on the back of my head, pulling me closer.
Our lips didn’t touch, but our breaths mingled.
I didn’t blink. The seconds that could have been moments seemed agonizingly slow.
His long eyelashes fell heavily. At the same time, his gaze skimmed my lips once, deeply, and then dropped.
