Chapter 200: Master Bai’s Concern
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Chapter 200: Master Bai’s Concern
Master Bai's Concern . . .
Meng Huai-Qing held Su Ye-Yue's hand with an unwavering resolve in her heart. The well-being of her disciple was of paramount importance. Su Ye-Yue needed immediate care, specifically a bone-ablution to replace her muscles and bones with the Universal Spiritual Root and Ingenious Jade Bones. Delaying this crucial process would only result in more complications, and Su Ye-Yue was no longer a child; swift action was necessary. n..o(/v/(e()l(/b-)I(/n
Meng Huai-Qing contemplated the newfound power she had sensed earlier. While formidable, it was still in its initial stages, far from being a true threat to her. She couldn't help but find a hint of irony in the situation; what appeared to be a formidable power now would eventually be akin to a mere jest in her eyes.
Given this, she decided against returning to Chen-Xing City. Instead, she gently addressed Su Ye-Yue, "Let's go."
With a wave of her hand, they vanished from the city, leaving the Land of Han-Yang behind. Su Ye-Yue found herself surrounded by a boundless sea of star rivers, her master leading the way as they walked amongst the stars.
Meng Huai-Qing's white garments billowed in the cosmic winds, resembling a shooting star racing through the heavens, with Su Ye-Yue following closely behind. Countless rifts in the fabric of space appeared and disappeared in their wake as they ascended, seemingly straight into the skies.
In a short span of time, they had traversed endless expanses and covered vast distances. The Land of Han-Yang, where the war raged on, seemed like a distant memory, perhaps millions of miles away, if not further.
Back in Chen-Xing City, the war continued, but it had undergone a subtle shift. Unbeknownst to its residents, the influential figure, Cha Nan-Tian, was en route to the north, his exact location shrouded in secrecy. The people in the city believed he was still within its confines, unaware of the significant changes unfolding beyond its walls.
The battles waged both in the east and the west were met with failure, casting a pall of disappointment and frustration over the Chen Clan. While the southern front remained stable, it offered no solace to the kingdom, as the situation elsewhere became increasingly precarious.
Chen-Xing City was in turmoil. News of an auction hosted by the Ling-Bao Hall had drawn an unprecedented number of attendees, including countless powerful cultivators who had long remained hidden from the public eye. Banners representing various sects fluttered in the city, symbolizing the convergence of major and lesser sects alike.
Amidst this bustling activity, two enigmatic figures, shrouded in white robes and veils, made their silent entry through the western gate of the city.
In the tranquil bamboo forest, Master Bai, a man marked by an air of deep contemplation, was troubled by the unfolding events. He pondered the inexplicable disappearance of the Heavenly Mystery, a subject that had already confounded him for some time.
"It's as if they all vanished into thin air," remarked a cloaked figure before him, conveying the disheartening news of a mission's failure. "We had them surrounded, and though Su Ye-Yue's guard exceeded our expectations, we were on the brink of victory. Yet suddenly, they all disappeared, including Su Ye-Yue herself."
"No bodies, no evidence," Master Bai mused with a furrowed brow.
"None whatsoever. Every trace of them simply vanished," confirmed the informant.
Master Bai sighed deeply, grappling with the unsettling developments that seemed to defy all logic. Another inexplicable event had been added to the enigma of the Heavenly Mystery, and it weighed heavily on his mind.
After dismissing the informant, Master Bai wheeled himself to a window, his thoughts consumed by speculation. He muttered, "Could it have been my mother?"
However, his attempt to sense her presence yielded no results. She remained conspicuously absent from the world.
"She's not the one responsible," he concluded. "Then who could orchestrate the simultaneous disappearance of over a hundred skilled cultivators? Who possesses such power within this realm? This individual must be at least a grandmaster of the Daoyuan Grade."
Master Bai's mind raced through possibilities, and a name emerged— the Purple Lotus Decree Master. Could he truly be within the Land of Han-Yang? And if so, had he not only recovered but also grown significantly in strength?
Even as he pondered these questions, Master Bai found himself baffled. "How could he dare challenge me, even if he has regained his strength?"
Despite his persistent contemplation, clarity eluded him. At that moment, a small eagle descended upon the bamboo forest, bearing a tiny bamboo bottle in its talons. Master Bai eagerly retrieved the bottle and uncovered a scroll inside, containing vital information regarding recent developments.
The news that reached Master Bai was disheartening, the kind of information he would have rather remained ignorant of. It conveyed a bizarre occurrence in the south that had severely disrupted his plans.
He muttered to himself as he read, "Strange scene happened in the south. There were huge stones falling from the sky all of a sudden. That blocked our attack route. The troops didn't know what to do. It is impossible to get the south down..."
A mix of frustration and realization crossed his face. His thoughts turned to his enigmatic mother, and he couldn't help but express his exasperation aloud. "Mother, if you wished to intervene, you could have simply come. Why resort to disrupting your son's carefully laid plans? Is this your way of punishing me for not returning home with you?"
Finally, he had unraveled the enigma. There existed no other individual in the world capable of such extraordinary feats. While the Purple Lotus Decree Master could orchestrate the demise of over a hundred individuals, he could never manipulate the very elements themselves.
It dawned on him that only his mother possessed the power to move mountains and redirect rivers. With her departure, the skyborne rocks that obstructed his forces were now immovable. The truth, though bitter, was undeniable.
In a twist of fate, Meng Huai-Qing remained oblivious to the fact that her own son had orchestrated these events, that the lives she had extinguished were his men. To her, it was an unfortunate accident, and even if she were to discover the truth, it would hold little significance. She had merely exterminated ants in the grand scheme of her disciples and son. As for her son, she would likely see it as a form of punishment.
Master Bai, holding the note, bore a dark expression as he contemplated the dire turn of events. "Summon Lady Wan and instruct her to return immediately," he ordered, issuing a directive to Wan of The Cloud.
Even as he acted upon his decision, another piece of news arrived, sending a shiver down his spine. The information was deeply unsettling and disrupted his plans in ways he hadn't anticipated.
"According to the spy's information," he read aloud, "there is a mysterious cultivator who has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple. All we know at the moment is that this cultivator is a female with unbelievably strong power. She is elegant and proud, and people dare not meet her gaze. Her history and destination remain shrouded in mystery, and she is currently missing, along with Su Ye-Yue."
Master Bai felt an increasing sense of urgency. This revelation had forced him to reevaluate his entire strategy, considering that it had taken an unforeseen and challenging turn.
He couldn't help but conclude, "This mysterious master must be my mother."
With this revelation, he understood that his relationship with Su Ye-Yue had changed. "Now that my mother has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple," he reasoned, "I should treat Su Ye-Yue as a sister."
The realization weighed heavily on him, knowing that any nefarious actions against his sister's newfound family would have dire consequences. It was a precarious situation that demanded a complete overhaul of his plans.
He found himself in a complex situation, one that left him with a bitter smile on his face as he contemplated the potential consequences. "My mother will be the first to seek my demise," he muttered under his breath. "She's searched relentlessly for the Phoenix Body for countless years. Now that she's found it in Su Ye-Yue, she'll treat the girl as her own heart. It would be unwise to meddle with her at this moment."
The weight of fate pressed heavily upon him, and he couldn't help but ponder the inevitable. "The question is, destiny is set. The wheel of fortune has pointed toward the Kingdom of Chen. How can I alter it? Attempting to force a change would mean waiting another sixty years."
He glanced at the celestial map, his expression marked by both frustration and resignation. "Oh, mother, you've come and gone, leaving me with a perplexing dilemma."
Frowning, he continued, "It all hinges on human effort. Since Su Ding-Guo cannot be eliminated, so be it. Those mysterious mountains that suddenly appeared have stabilized the situation in the south. Let me extend a favor to my junior apprentice sister. I'll permit the Kingdom of Chen's army to survive. As long as I can keep Su Ding-Guo and his forces pinned in the south, preventing them from reinforcing the other fronts, their kingdom will eventually crumble."
He grew more resolute, the determination to protect Su Ye-Yue clear in his eyes. "When the kingdom falls, Su Ding-Guo won't have the power to change anything. He may bear a different family name, but he's not a true member of the royal family."
Realization washed over him, dispelling the chaotic thoughts that had plagued him moments ago. "Why was I tangled in such convoluted musings? It took me far too long to grasp this straightforward truth. The situation was unexpected, but Su Ding-Guo is not my concern. I must address my own internal turmoil."
He admitted to himself, "My mental state is far from ideal. My heart is in turmoil."
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Chapter 200: Master Bai’s Concern
Master Bai's Concern . . .
Meng Huai-Qing held Su Ye-Yue's hand with an unwavering resolve in her heart. The well-being of her disciple was of paramount importance. Su Ye-Yue needed immediate care, specifically a bone-ablution to replace her muscles and bones with the Universal Spiritual Root and Ingenious Jade Bones. Delaying this crucial process would only result in more complications, and Su Ye-Yue was no longer a child; swift action was necessary. n..o(/v/(e()l(/b-)I(/n
Meng Huai-Qing contemplated the newfound power she had sensed earlier. While formidable, it was still in its initial stages, far from being a true threat to her. She couldn't help but find a hint of irony in the situation; what appeared to be a formidable power now would eventually be akin to a mere jest in her eyes.
Given this, she decided against returning to Chen-Xing City. Instead, she gently addressed Su Ye-Yue, "Let's go."
With a wave of her hand, they vanished from the city, leaving the Land of Han-Yang behind. Su Ye-Yue found herself surrounded by a boundless sea of star rivers, her master leading the way as they walked amongst the stars.
Meng Huai-Qing's white garments billowed in the cosmic winds, resembling a shooting star racing through the heavens, with Su Ye-Yue following closely behind. Countless rifts in the fabric of space appeared and disappeared in their wake as they ascended, seemingly straight into the skies.
In a short span of time, they had traversed endless expanses and covered vast distances. The Land of Han-Yang, where the war raged on, seemed like a distant memory, perhaps millions of miles away, if not further.
Back in Chen-Xing City, the war continued, but it had undergone a subtle shift. Unbeknownst to its residents, the influential figure, Cha Nan-Tian, was en route to the north, his exact location shrouded in secrecy. The people in the city believed he was still within its confines, unaware of the significant changes unfolding beyond its walls.
The battles waged both in the east and the west were met with failure, casting a pall of disappointment and frustration over the Chen Clan. While the southern front remained stable, it offered no solace to the kingdom, as the situation elsewhere became increasingly precarious.
Chen-Xing City was in turmoil. News of an auction hosted by the Ling-Bao Hall had drawn an unprecedented number of attendees, including countless powerful cultivators who had long remained hidden from the public eye. Banners representing various sects fluttered in the city, symbolizing the convergence of major and lesser sects alike.
Amidst this bustling activity, two enigmatic figures, shrouded in white robes and veils, made their silent entry through the western gate of the city.
In the tranquil bamboo forest, Master Bai, a man marked by an air of deep contemplation, was troubled by the unfolding events. He pondered the inexplicable disappearance of the Heavenly Mystery, a subject that had already confounded him for some time.
"It's as if they all vanished into thin air," remarked a cloaked figure before him, conveying the disheartening news of a mission's failure. "We had them surrounded, and though Su Ye-Yue's guard exceeded our expectations, we were on the brink of victory. Yet suddenly, they all disappeared, including Su Ye-Yue herself."
"No bodies, no evidence," Master Bai mused with a furrowed brow.
"None whatsoever. Every trace of them simply vanished," confirmed the informant.
Master Bai sighed deeply, grappling with the unsettling developments that seemed to defy all logic. Another inexplicable event had been added to the enigma of the Heavenly Mystery, and it weighed heavily on his mind.
After dismissing the informant, Master Bai wheeled himself to a window, his thoughts consumed by speculation. He muttered, "Could it have been my mother?"
However, his attempt to sense her presence yielded no results. She remained conspicuously absent from the world.
"She's not the one responsible," he concluded. "Then who could orchestrate the simultaneous disappearance of over a hundred skilled cultivators? Who possesses such power within this realm? This individual must be at least a grandmaster of the Daoyuan Grade."
Master Bai's mind raced through possibilities, and a name emerged— the Purple Lotus Decree Master. Could he truly be within the Land of Han-Yang? And if so, had he not only recovered but also grown significantly in strength?
Even as he pondered these questions, Master Bai found himself baffled. "How could he dare challenge me, even if he has regained his strength?"
Despite his persistent contemplation, clarity eluded him. At that moment, a small eagle descended upon the bamboo forest, bearing a tiny bamboo bottle in its talons. Master Bai eagerly retrieved the bottle and uncovered a scroll inside, containing vital information regarding recent developments.
The news that reached Master Bai was disheartening, the kind of information he would have rather remained ignorant of. It conveyed a bizarre occurrence in the south that had severely disrupted his plans.
He muttered to himself as he read, "Strange scene happened in the south. There were huge stones falling from the sky all of a sudden. That blocked our attack route. The troops didn't know what to do. It is impossible to get the south down..."
A mix of frustration and realization crossed his face. His thoughts turned to his enigmatic mother, and he couldn't help but express his exasperation aloud. "Mother, if you wished to intervene, you could have simply come. Why resort to disrupting your son's carefully laid plans? Is this your way of punishing me for not returning home with you?"
Finally, he had unraveled the enigma. There existed no other individual in the world capable of such extraordinary feats. While the Purple Lotus Decree Master could orchestrate the demise of over a hundred individuals, he could never manipulate the very elements themselves.
It dawned on him that only his mother possessed the power to move mountains and redirect rivers. With her departure, the skyborne rocks that obstructed his forces were now immovable. The truth, though bitter, was undeniable.
In a twist of fate, Meng Huai-Qing remained oblivious to the fact that her own son had orchestrated these events, that the lives she had extinguished were his men. To her, it was an unfortunate accident, and even if she were to discover the truth, it would hold little significance. She had merely exterminated ants in the grand scheme of her disciples and son. As for her son, she would likely see it as a form of punishment.
Master Bai, holding the note, bore a dark expression as he contemplated the dire turn of events. "Summon Lady Wan and instruct her to return immediately," he ordered, issuing a directive to Wan of The Cloud.
Even as he acted upon his decision, another piece of news arrived, sending a shiver down his spine. The information was deeply unsettling and disrupted his plans in ways he hadn't anticipated.
"According to the spy's information," he read aloud, "there is a mysterious cultivator who has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple. All we know at the moment is that this cultivator is a female with unbelievably strong power. She is elegant and proud, and people dare not meet her gaze. Her history and destination remain shrouded in mystery, and she is currently missing, along with Su Ye-Yue."
Master Bai felt an increasing sense of urgency. This revelation had forced him to reevaluate his entire strategy, considering that it had taken an unforeseen and challenging turn.
He couldn't help but conclude, "This mysterious master must be my mother."
With this revelation, he understood that his relationship with Su Ye-Yue had changed. "Now that my mother has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple," he reasoned, "I should treat Su Ye-Yue as a sister."
The realization weighed heavily on him, knowing that any nefarious actions against his sister's newfound family would have dire consequences. It was a precarious situation that demanded a complete overhaul of his plans.
He found himself in a complex situation, one that left him with a bitter smile on his face as he contemplated the potential consequences. "My mother will be the first to seek my demise," he muttered under his breath. "She's searched relentlessly for the Phoenix Body for countless years. Now that she's found it in Su Ye-Yue, she'll treat the girl as her own heart. It would be unwise to meddle with her at this moment."
The weight of fate pressed heavily upon him, and he couldn't help but ponder the inevitable. "The question is, destiny is set. The wheel of fortune has pointed toward the Kingdom of Chen. How can I alter it? Attempting to force a change would mean waiting another sixty years."
He glanced at the celestial map, his expression marked by both frustration and resignation. "Oh, mother, you've come and gone, leaving me with a perplexing dilemma."
Frowning, he continued, "It all hinges on human effort. Since Su Ding-Guo cannot be eliminated, so be it. Those mysterious mountains that suddenly appeared have stabilized the situation in the south. Let me extend a favor to my junior apprentice sister. I'll permit the Kingdom of Chen's army to survive. As long as I can keep Su Ding-Guo and his forces pinned in the south, preventing them from reinforcing the other fronts, their kingdom will eventually crumble."
He grew more resolute, the determination to protect Su Ye-Yue clear in his eyes. "When the kingdom falls, Su Ding-Guo won't have the power to change anything. He may bear a different family name, but he's not a true member of the royal family."
Realization washed over him, dispelling the chaotic thoughts that had plagued him moments ago. "Why was I tangled in such convoluted musings? It took me far too long to grasp this straightforward truth. The situation was unexpected, but Su Ding-Guo is not my concern. I must address my own internal turmoil."
He admitted to himself, "My mental state is far from ideal. My heart is in turmoil."
Chapter 200: Master Bai's Concern Master Bai's Concern . . . Meng Huai-Qing held Su Ye-Yue's hand with an unwavering resolve in her heart. The well-being of her disciple was of paramount importance. Su Ye-Yue needed immediate care, specifically a bone-ablution to replace her muscles and bones with the Universal Spiritual Root and Ingenious Jade Bones. Delaying this crucial process would only result in more complications, and Su Ye-Yue was no longer a child; swift action was necessary. n..o/v/el/b-I/nMeng Huai-Qing contemplated the newfound power she had sensed earlier. While formidable, it was still in its initial stages, far from being a true threat to her. She couldn't help but find a hint of irony in the situation; what appeared to be a formidable power now would eventually be akin to a mere jest in her eyes. Given this, she decided against returning to Chen-Xing City. Instead, she gently addressed Su Ye-Yue, "Let's go." With a wave of her hand, they vanished from the city, leaving the Land of Han-Yang behind. Su Ye-Yue found herself surrounded by a boundless sea of star rivers, her master leading the way as they walked amongst the stars. Meng Huai-Qing's white garments billowed in the cosmic winds, resembling a shooting star racing through the heavens, with Su Ye-Yue following closely behind. Countless rifts in the fabric of space appeared and disappeared in their wake as they ascended, seemingly straight into the skies. In a short span of time, they had traversed endless expanses and covered vast distances. The Land of Han-Yang, where the war raged on, seemed like a distant memory, perhaps millions of miles away, if not further. Back in Chen-Xing City, the war continued, but it had undergone a subtle shift. Unbeknownst to its residents, the influential figure, Cha Nan-Tian, was en route to the north, his exact location shrouded in secrecy. The people in the city believed he was still within its confines, unaware of the significant changes unfolding beyond its walls. The battles waged both in the east and the west were met with failure, casting a pall of disappointment and frustration over the Chen Clan. While the southern front remained stable, it offered no solace to the kingdom, as the situation elsewhere became increasingly precarious. Chen-Xing City was in turmoil. News of an auction hosted by the Ling-Bao Hall had drawn an unprecedented number of attendees, including countless powerful cultivators who had long remained hidden from the public eye. Banners representing various sects fluttered in the city, symbolizing the convergence of major and lesser sects alike. Amidst this bustling activity, two enigmatic figures, shrouded in white robes and veils, made their silent entry through the western gate of the city. In the tranquil bamboo forest, Master Bai, a man marked by an air of deep contemplation, was troubled by the unfolding events. He pondered the inexplicable disappearance of the Heavenly Mystery, a subject that had already confounded him for some time. "It's as if they all vanished into thin air," remarked a cloaked figure before him, conveying the disheartening news of a mission's failure. "We had them surrounded, and though Su Ye-Yue's guard exceeded our expectations, we were on the brink of victory. Yet suddenly, they all disappeared, including Su Ye-Yue herself." "No bodies, no evidence," Master Bai mused with a furrowed brow. "None whatsoever. Every trace of them simply vanished," confirmed the informant. Master Bai sighed deeply, grappling with the unsettling developments that seemed to defy all logic. Another inexplicable event had been added to the enigma of the Heavenly Mystery, and it weighed heavily on his mind. After dismissing the informant, Master Bai wheeled himself to a window, his thoughts consumed by speculation. He muttered, "Could it have been my mother?" However, his attempt to sense her presence yielded no results. She remained conspicuously absent from the world. "She's not the one responsible," he concluded. "Then who could orchestrate the simultaneous disappearance of over a hundred skilled cultivators? Who possesses such power within this realm? This individual must be at least a grandmaster of the Daoyuan Grade." Master Bai's mind raced through possibilities, and a name emerged the Purple Lotus Decree Master. Could he truly be within the Land of Han-Yang? And if so, had he not only recovered but also grown significantly in strength? Even as he pondered these questions, Master Bai found himself baffled. "How could he dare challenge me, even if he has regained his strength?" Despite his persistent contemplation, clarity eluded him. At that moment, a small eagle descended upon the bamboo forest, bearing a tiny bamboo bottle in its talons. Master Bai eagerly retrieved the bottle and uncovered a scroll inside, containing vital information regarding recent developments. The news that reached Master Bai was disheartening, the kind of information he would have rather remained ignorant of. It conveyed a bizarre occurrence in the south that had severely disrupted his plans. He muttered to himself as he read, "Strange scene happened in the south. There were huge stones falling from the sky all of a sudden. That blocked our attack route. The troops didn't know what to do. It is impossible to get the south down..." A mix of frustration and realization crossed his face. His thoughts turned to his enigmatic mother, and he couldn't help but express his exasperation aloud. "Mother, if you wished to intervene, you could have simply come. Why resort to disrupting your son's carefully laid plans? Is this your way of punishing me for not returning home with you?" Finally, he had unraveled the enigma. There existed no other individual in the world capable of such extraordinary feats. While the Purple Lotus Decree Master could orchestrate the demise of over a hundred individuals, he could never manipulate the very elements themselves. It dawned on him that only his mother possessed the power to move mountains and redirect rivers. With her departure, the skyborne rocks that obstructed his forces were now immovable. The truth, though bitter, was undeniable. In a twist of fate, Meng Huai-Qing remained oblivious to the fact that her own son had orchestrated these events, that the lives she had extinguished were his men. To her, it was an unfortunate accident, and even if she were to discover the truth, it would hold little significance. She had merely exterminated ants in the grand scheme of her disciples and son. As for her son, she would likely see it as a form of punishment. Master Bai, holding the note, bore a dark expression as he contemplated the dire turn of events. "Summon Lady Wan and instruct her to return immediately," he ordered, issuing a directive to Wan of The Cloud. Even as he acted upon his decision, another piece of news arrived, sending a shiver down his spine. The information was deeply unsettling and disrupted his plans in ways he hadn't anticipated. "According to the spy's information," he read aloud, "there is a mysterious cultivator who has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple. All we know at the moment is that this cultivator is a female with unbelievably strong power. She is elegant and proud, and people dare not meet her gaze. Her history and destination remain shrouded in mystery, and she is currently missing, along with Su Ye-Yue." Master Bai felt an increasing sense of urgency. This revelation had forced him to reevaluate his entire strategy, considering that it had taken an unforeseen and challenging turn. He couldn't help but conclude, "This mysterious master must be my mother." With this revelation, he understood that his relationship with Su Ye-Yue had changed. "Now that my mother has taken Su Ye-Yue as her disciple," he reasoned, "I should treat Su Ye-Yue as a sister." The realization weighed heavily on him, knowing that any nefarious actions against his sister's newfound family would have dire consequences. It was a precarious situation that demanded a complete overhaul of his plans. He found himself in a complex situation, one that left him with a bitter smile on his face as he contemplated the potential consequences. "My mother will be the first to seek my demise," he muttered under his breath. "She's searched relentlessly for the Phoenix Body for countless years. Now that she's found it in Su Ye-Yue, she'll treat the girl as her own heart. It would be unwise to meddle with her at this moment." The weight of fate pressed heavily upon him, and he couldn't help but ponder the inevitable. "The question is, destiny is set. The wheel of fortune has pointed toward the Kingdom of Chen. How can I alter it? Attempting to force a change would mean waiting another sixty years." He glanced at the celestial map, his expression marked by both frustration and resignation. "Oh, mother, you've come and gone, leaving me with a perplexing dilemma." Frowning, he continued, "It all hinges on human effort. Since Su Ding-Guo cannot be eliminated, so be it. Those mysterious mountains that suddenly appeared have stabilized the situation in the south. Let me extend a favor to my junior apprentice sister. I'll permit the Kingdom of Chen's army to survive. As long as I can keep Su Ding-Guo and his forces pinned in the south, preventing them from reinforcing the other fronts, their kingdom will eventually crumble." He grew more resolute, the determination to protect Su Ye-Yue clear in his eyes. "When the kingdom falls, Su Ding-Guo won't have the power to change anything. He may bear a different family name, but he's not a true member of the royal family." Realization washed over him, dispelling the chaotic thoughts that had plagued him moments ago. "Why was I tangled in such convoluted musings? It took me far too long to grasp this straightforward truth. The situation was unexpected, but Su Ding-Guo is not my concern. I must address my own internal turmoil." He admitted to himself, "My mental state is far from ideal. My heart is in turmoil."
