Beads of sweat ran down my cheeks and fell to the blue training mat below, the rapier in my hand was steady, held strong between my fingers as I circled my opponent. There is no one here but us and our respective maid and butler, here, in this training room that's nigh empty save for the mat and the people standing on top of it- there was no risk of danger, just pain, I knew that so I-
My opponent charged before me-
“Hup!” I jumped back and readied my stance.
A slice-
In response? I parried-
My rapier moved sideward and forced the arch of my brother’s swing to the left, a successful parry- one that my brother, unfortunately, recovered quickly from as he pulled his arm back before stabbing forward-
I put some strength into my heel and dodged to the left, sidestepping the pointed tip of his diamond-blue sword and moving away from the range of my brother's preferred hand before retaliating with my own attack, a slash, one that didn’t need any fancy, long-winding movement, just a flick of my wrist and-
He parried it heavily.
“Aa-” I couldn’t finish my yelp as pain erupted from my wrist because my brother was already on his way towards me, his larger, bulkier frame charging head on and threatening me with a tackle that’ll send me to the mats beneath our feet.
Another wave of strength came to my heel and I pivoted leftward and away from the direction of Bismuth’s tackle, he stopped and twisted his body, using the halted momentum to send a packed punch my way.
I grit my teeth and weaved, moving downward and falling even lower as gravity held onto my body and made it fall, I let it happen and used the velocity to strengthen my blow as I extended my leg and sent out a low kick that used all my weight towards Bismuth’s shin, he jumped just in time and I held back a curse as my muscles tensed once more before I forced my entire leg to the floor- my feet met the ground and I kicked myself backward, way before my brother crushed my feet.
Too much momentum- that was my thought as my body moved further backwards than I intended it to, I took a lungful of air before relaxing my body and pushing my arms ahead of me, seconds later, my body arched down and my palms connected to the surface of the training mat and I reflexively tensed my muscles before pushing myself upward and into a backflip.
I saw my brother run over to me just as I rolled in the middle of the air, I readied my rapier and prepared a retaliatory strike, a slash, that was the best move I could do at this very moment since I couldn’t waste time for any other attack.
I landed on my toes and immediately twisted my body to the right before letting the momentum carry me into a spin, I extended my hand and held out my rapier, the sharpened edge of its blade directly facing the spot that I knew where my brother was-
CLANG
Sparks flew out as both our Pledges met and struck one another.
Knowing that I was still winded from the acrobat move that I had just done, Bismuth grinned and rushed forward to force me to be on the defensive, he slashed over and over again while I blocked- I tried to find an oppurtunity for a parry, for a single chance where his sword could run down the length of my blade and onto my rapier’s cross-shaped guard.
The oppurtunity couldn’t have come soon enough but it eventually did, after a long exchange of blows that got us to circle the training room, Bismuth made a mistake and went for a heavy strike that utilized his entire shoulder, he probably wanted to finish the fight and assumed that I was low on stamina.
I was gonna prove him wrong.
My elbow rotated to get my rapier to meet the blow head on and I held back a grin when I saw my brother’s shocked face, then I forced my rapier upward and slid his sword to the bottom of my blade, the sharp edge met my weapon’s 2 inch thick guard with a loud clang.
Then, using my entire bicep, I moved my arm sideways for a parry and to prepare a diagonal, downward slash-
I wheezed-
My body lost its strength and I felt my knees buckle from my own weight-
I stared up, “W-”
A kick to my chin sent me flying backward.
“Come on Neo,” I heard Bismuth say with a chastising tone, “we’ve talked about this a dozen times already, you have a rapier, you don’t use long, flashy attacks unless it’s your only choice.” I tried to reply with some sort of sarcastic rebuke but he spoke before any words left my mouth, and shit, it was criticism too, “you tried to run my sword through the entire length of your blade, you know, the 5 feet long one?”
I grit my teeth and recalled my Pledge, “you’re an asshole,” I started as I pressed my palms against the mat and pushed myself upward, when I was fully upright, Bismuth rolled his eyes, clearly mocking me, “see? You wanted me to see you rolling your eyes!” I said heatedly, “we’re supposed to be practicing here! You can’t just pull off dirty tricks like that out of the blue and expect me to somehow know that you’ll do it beforehand!”
“Neo, Demons won’t care in a real fight-”
“You’re not a Demon!” I glared at him, “and this is supposed to be a sparring match practicing our swords, not- not everything else!”
“We both know that you would’ve lost regardless if I kicked you or not,” both his stare and his tone were dry as the desert sand.
“That's not the point! We should've kept it going for as long as possible-” I tried to say but he just shook his head.
“I was the one expecting you to pull off a dirty trick, I was waiting for it but it never came,” he said with a disappointed tone, “Neo, you’re better than this,”
I scowled, “we agreed- don’t cut me off,” Bismuth held his mouth, “we agreed that we were gonna use our Pledges didn’t we?” He nodded, “and? What happened?”
“I’m teaching you how to fight-”
“You aren’t, you’re pushing me down instead of getting me used to moving around in a life and death situation, everything would’ve been fine if you just took a step back when I parried your sword instead of kicking me in the stomach Bis,” He looked guilty for once and I saw the opportunity to press his own issues so I did, “your training as a soldier is affecting you! You can take a breather! Step back and retreat! Wait for another fight-”
“No, not anymore-” Bismuth argued, “the Hero has been dead for a long time Neo, and the Demons are starting to get more numerous, we need to start risking our lives against the Demons or else our battles against them would start having more casualties!”
He glared at me like I was the one who's at fault and… well, I hate to admit it but I was.
“Because those bastards like to hit their prey's backs, there's no more retreating, Neo, not anymore.” He shook his head and walked off, “people can't run anymore, they need to keep fighting, risk their life till the end or else it'll just give the Demons an opportunity to attack when they're recovering.”
I stayed silent, my own guilt eating me up because… I sighed, "sorry,” I said, I didn't dare face Bismuth and I know that he was doing the same, “it's just that… you know, I thought that-” what? What was I thinking? That…
I could have lived a happy life by sending the hero on a quest? Because what? It would give him a power up that'll allow him to curb stomp the rest of the Demons?
"YOU FOOLISH GIRL-”
… a sigh escaped my lips, “sorry.” That was really the only thing I can say.
“There's nothing we can do about it, Neophyte.” I only nodded, “we move on and hold strong until another hero comes,”
“Right.” I didn't want to look my brother in the eyes. Or even Zathania's for that matter.
But even then, my maid walked up to me and enveloped me in a hug, she knew that I didn't mind, hell, she was basically my pillow back when I was young. Back when the only thing I did was cry myself to sleep every night.
Back when- “You're shivering again, Neo.”
“Sorry.”
How many times do I have to say it till things go right again?
The walk back to my room had been spent in silence, Zath knew I preferred it that way when I was stressed and so the maid didn't start a conversation, merely walking two steps behind me, waiting for an order that will never come. Not until later at least, because the first thing I said when the double doors of my room shut behind us is, “please prepare my bath,”
Despite me saying ‘please’ to her, Zathania simply nodded and did her task instead of rebuking with the usual ‘there is no need for pleasantries, mistress,’ that she replies with, which she only ever really does knowing that it's the “polite thing to do” when dealing with a royal, I know that she needs to do it in order to keep up a habit of respect, or else she runs the risk of accidentally being too familiar with another royal or noble that isn't me.
It's to keep herself grounded, I know it but… the distance that her words imply still hurts. We've known each other since we were kids, glued even, but the gap is still there.
Will it ever disappear?
I placed myself on the bench attached to the front of my king-sized bed and stared down at the ground; just like her, I try to remember too, to keep myself grounded and my ambition present. Everything around me, the luxury, it wasn't always like this, back before my Pledge came to me, my room was completely barren save for the bed and the curtains on the windows.
The carpet was simple back then, and certainly not the bright red, fluffy thing with a runic stone drawn onto it using gold. The runic stone was my family, the Everlast's, crest.
I stared down at it while sweat dripped down my forehead and into the carpet, staining the fabric and darkening the color, and most likely giving Zathania more work later, when she comes to my room during dinner to clean it. I would be more mindful than this usually but… I wasn't really in the mood for it, and the maid knows it so chances are, she's not even gonna react when she sees me staining the carpet and the silky fabric on the bench.
“Well, the bench would be easy to clean at least, I just need to remove the cover and be done with it.” I looked up and met the speaker's eyes, wondering if I talked out loud or if it was one of her ‘I'm just guessing moments’.
Zathania was staring at me with a warm gaze and an understanding smile, “come on Neo, to the bathroom, I'm cleaning you,”
I shook my head, “it's fine,” I told her, “I can take care of myself, I'll call you when I can't,”
She nodded in response and moved to the side, allowing me to walk to the bathroom in silence, when I reached the open door, I turned back to her and gave her a thankful nod, “thanks, Zath.”
“It is my duty as a maid and I am simply doing my job,” she bowed and it was the last thing I saw before I closed the door.
I turn around and faced my way too pristine, white-shaded bathroom, colored after my namesake, Neophyte- and though it was made of marble, some of the things here, such as the cabinets and the tub, were made of the expensive jade that I was named after, it was over the top, definitely, but honestly, I didn't really care, all bathrooms are the same in the end, this one is just made with expensive stones instead of regular concrete.
Sighing, I stretched to pop my joints, the relief that came with doing so didn't do anything to help the ache that I was feeling on my chest.
Well, I've lived with the guilt for over 10 years now so there's really no point in wallowing in it any further. I slapped my cheeks and immediately felt better, “move on, move on.” I said it like it was a mantra, “things are going to be fine,”
A wave of guilt washed over me and without thinking about it, I walked over to my mirror and stared at myself- the sight that greeted me was the reflection of a teenage girl with smooth, cream-colored skin, gray eyes, silver hair, and a beautiful face that wasn't mine…
It belonged to another person, once, a heroine by the name of Neophyte Astral Everlast, one of the many heroines that the chosen player character, Cedric-
The streets were filled with people, it was supposed to be my coronation, my time to shine in the spotlight and get recognized as a member of the Everlast royalty but…
“YOU KILLED HIM!”
“MURDERER!”
“HOW IS SHE STILL NOT HANGED! A ROYAL SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO LIVE AFTER KILLING THE PROPHESIZED-”
- can pick and marry on an RPG game with the same last name as this body- Everlast.
I… killed Neophyte when I took over her body as a child, the same way I- I…
… sighed. Relief came for a second but then the anger bubbled to the surface and I clenched my fist-
“Murderer.” I glared at my own reflection, even if I accepted the fact that I was now Neophyte, I still couldn't get over the guilt of dooming an entire world to a demon army, “why did you think it was a good idea huh? You FUCKING-”
“Neo?”
I took a deep breath and stopped myself, “I'm fine, Zath.” I said, my voice echoing inside the bathroom, she definitely heard the rest of my speech and not just my yell so by all accounts, she knew that I was not fine but she didn't need to get dragged into my issues, no matter what she says otherwise. “Don't worry about me,”
“If you say so,”
I released my breath and shook the depressive thoughts out of my head before proceeding to do my usual bathroom ritual- starting by taking off my training clothes, the sports bra went off first and was bundled up before mercilessly thrown into my laundry bucket
I unfastened the tie on the gauze around my chest- I pulled and bit by bit, the white fabric came loose, unfurling into a strip that I bundled up and threw to the nearest trash can. Next were my shorts and underwear, those were easy enough and they soon joined my bra on the laundry bucket.
I stepped closer to the bathtub and shuddered when I dipped my toes, despite my moping session, the water was still hot and a wave of euphoria washed over me as I plunged my body into the tub.
I let myself sink deep into the water until the only thing that was visible was the upper part of my face.
And slowly… a daze came over me and I stared at nothing until I snapped back when someone knocked on the door, I stared at it, waiting for whatever it is that Zathania is going to say, “Neo, you're being called for dinner,”
“Already?!” I jumped out of the water and asked before I blinked and realized that I had gotten into one of my fugues again. I cleared my throat, “sorry, that was unlady like,” I said in case a family member is outside the door waiting for me.
“There are only the two of us here, Neo,” Zathania said to my relief, and because of that, I'll allow her playful tone just this once. I could tell that she was smiling from my panic just now, I just know it.
Beads of sweat ran down my cheeks and fell to the blue training mat below, the rapier in my hand was steady, held strong between my fingers as I circled my opponent. There is no one here but us and our respective maid and butler, here, in this training room that's nigh empty save for the mat and the people standing on top of it- there was no risk of danger, just pain, I knew that so I-
My opponent charged before me-
“Hup!” I jumped back and readied my stance.
A slice-
In response? I parried-
My rapier moved sideward and forced the arch of my brother’s swing to the left, a successful parry- one that my brother, unfortunately, recovered quickly from as he pulled his arm back before stabbing forward-
I put some strength into my heel and dodged to the left, sidestepping the pointed tip of his diamond-blue sword and moving away from the range of my brother's preferred hand before retaliating with my own attack, a slash, one that didn’t need any fancy, long-winding movement, just a flick of my wrist and-
He parried it heavily.
“Aa-” I couldn’t finish my yelp as pain erupted from my wrist because my brother was already on his way towards me, his larger, bulkier frame charging head on and threatening me with a tackle that’ll send me to the mats beneath our feet.
Another wave of strength came to my heel and I pivoted leftward and away from the direction of Bismuth’s tackle, he stopped and twisted his body, using the halted momentum to send a packed punch my way.
I grit my teeth and weaved, moving downward and falling even lower as gravity held onto my body and made it fall, I let it happen and used the velocity to strengthen my blow as I extended my leg and sent out a low kick that used all my weight towards Bismuth’s shin, he jumped just in time and I held back a curse as my muscles tensed once more before I forced my entire leg to the floor- my feet met the ground and I kicked myself backward, way before my brother crushed my feet.
Too much momentum- that was my thought as my body moved further backwards than I intended it to, I took a lungful of air before relaxing my body and pushing my arms ahead of me, seconds later, my body arched down and my palms connected to the surface of the training mat and I reflexively tensed my muscles before pushing myself upward and into a backflip.
I saw my brother run over to me just as I rolled in the middle of the air, I readied my rapier and prepared a retaliatory strike, a slash, that was the best move I could do at this very moment since I couldn’t waste time for any other attack.
I landed on my toes and immediately twisted my body to the right before letting the momentum carry me into a spin, I extended my hand and held out my rapier, the sharpened edge of its blade directly facing the spot that I knew where my brother was-
CLANG
Sparks flew out as both our Pledges met and struck one another.
Knowing that I was still winded from the acrobat move that I had just done, Bismuth grinned and rushed forward to force me to be on the defensive, he slashed over and over again while I blocked- I tried to find an oppurtunity for a parry, for a single chance where his sword could run down the length of my blade and onto my rapier’s cross-shaped guard.
The oppurtunity couldn’t have come soon enough but it eventually did, after a long exchange of blows that got us to circle the training room, Bismuth made a mistake and went for a heavy strike that utilized his entire shoulder, he probably wanted to finish the fight and assumed that I was low on stamina.
I was gonna prove him wrong.
My elbow rotated to get my rapier to meet the blow head on and I held back a grin when I saw my brother’s shocked face, then I forced my rapier upward and slid his sword to the bottom of my blade, the sharp edge met my weapon’s 2 inch thick guard with a loud clang.
Then, using my entire bicep, I moved my arm sideways for a parry and to prepare a diagonal, downward slash-
I wheezed-
My body lost its strength and I felt my knees buckle from my own weight-
I stared up, “W-”
A kick to my chin sent me flying backward.
“Come on Neo,” I heard Bismuth say with a chastising tone, “we’ve talked about this a dozen times already, you have a rapier, you don’t use long, flashy attacks unless it’s your only choice.” I tried to reply with some sort of sarcastic rebuke but he spoke before any words left my mouth, and shit, it was criticism too, “you tried to run my sword through the entire length of your blade, you know, the 5 feet long one?”
I grit my teeth and recalled my Pledge, “you’re an asshole,” I started as I pressed my palms against the mat and pushed myself upward, when I was fully upright, Bismuth rolled his eyes, clearly mocking me, “see? You wanted me to see you rolling your eyes!” I said heatedly, “we’re supposed to be practicing here! You can’t just pull off dirty tricks like that out of the blue and expect me to somehow know that you’ll do it beforehand!”
“Neo, Demons won’t care in a real fight-”
“You’re not a Demon!” I glared at him, “and this is supposed to be a sparring match practicing our swords, not- not everything else!”
“We both know that you would’ve lost regardless if I kicked you or not,” both his stare and his tone were dry as the desert sand.
“That's not the point! We should've kept it going for as long as possible-” I tried to say but he just shook his head.
“I was the one expecting you to pull off a dirty trick, I was waiting for it but it never came,” he said with a disappointed tone, “Neo, you’re better than this,”
I scowled, “we agreed- don’t cut me off,” Bismuth held his mouth, “we agreed that we were gonna use our Pledges didn’t we?” He nodded, “and? What happened?”
“I’m teaching you how to fight-”
“You aren’t, you’re pushing me down instead of getting me used to moving around in a life and death situation, everything would’ve been fine if you just took a step back when I parried your sword instead of kicking me in the stomach Bis,” He looked guilty for once and I saw the opportunity to press his own issues so I did, “your training as a soldier is affecting you! You can take a breather! Step back and retreat! Wait for another fight-”
“No, not anymore-” Bismuth argued, “the Hero has been dead for a long time Neo, and the Demons are starting to get more numerous, we need to start risking our lives against the Demons or else our battles against them would start having more casualties!”
He glared at me like I was the one who's at fault and… well, I hate to admit it but I was.
“Because those bastards like to hit their prey's backs, there's no more retreating, Neo, not anymore.” He shook his head and walked off, “people can't run anymore, they need to keep fighting, risk their life till the end or else it'll just give the Demons an opportunity to attack when they're recovering.”
I stayed silent, my own guilt eating me up because… I sighed, "sorry,” I said, I didn't dare face Bismuth and I know that he was doing the same, “it's just that… you know, I thought that-” what? What was I thinking? That…
I could have lived a happy life by sending the hero on a quest? Because what? It would give him a power up that'll allow him to curb stomp the rest of the Demons?
"YOU FOOLISH GIRL-”
… a sigh escaped my lips, “sorry.” That was really the only thing I can say.
“There's nothing we can do about it, Neophyte.” I only nodded, “we move on and hold strong until another hero comes,”
“Right.” I didn't want to look my brother in the eyes. Or even Zathania's for that matter.
But even then, my maid walked up to me and enveloped me in a hug, she knew that I didn't mind, hell, she was basically my pillow back when I was young. Back when the only thing I did was cry myself to sleep every night.
Back when- “You're shivering again, Neo.”
“Sorry.”
How many times do I have to say it till things go right again?
The walk back to my room had been spent in silence, Zath knew I preferred it that way when I was stressed and so the maid didn't start a conversation, merely walking two steps behind me, waiting for an order that will never come. Not until later at least, because the first thing I said when the double doors of my room shut behind us is, “please prepare my bath,”
Despite me saying ‘please’ to her, Zathania simply nodded and did her task instead of rebuking with the usual ‘there is no need for pleasantries, mistress,’ that she replies with, which she only ever really does knowing that it's the “polite thing to do” when dealing with a royal, I know that she needs to do it in order to keep up a habit of respect, or else she runs the risk of accidentally being too familiar with another royal or noble that isn't me.
It's to keep herself grounded, I know it but… the distance that her words imply still hurts. We've known each other since we were kids, glued even, but the gap is still there.
Will it ever disappear?
I placed myself on the bench attached to the front of my king-sized bed and stared down at the ground; just like her, I try to remember too, to keep myself grounded and my ambition present. Everything around me, the luxury, it wasn't always like this, back before my Pledge came to me, my room was completely barren save for the bed and the curtains on the windows.
The carpet was simple back then, and certainly not the bright red, fluffy thing with a runic stone drawn onto it using gold. The runic stone was my family, the Everlast's, crest.
I stared down at it while sweat dripped down my forehead and into the carpet, staining the fabric and darkening the color, and most likely giving Zathania more work later, when she comes to my room during dinner to clean it. I would be more mindful than this usually but… I wasn't really in the mood for it, and the maid knows it so chances are, she's not even gonna react when she sees me staining the carpet and the silky fabric on the bench.
“Well, the bench would be easy to clean at least, I just need to remove the cover and be done with it.” I looked up and met the speaker's eyes, wondering if I talked out loud or if it was one of her ‘I'm just guessing moments’.
Zathania was staring at me with a warm gaze and an understanding smile, “come on Neo, to the bathroom, I'm cleaning you,”
I shook my head, “it's fine,” I told her, “I can take care of myself, I'll call you when I can't,”
She nodded in response and moved to the side, allowing me to walk to the bathroom in silence, when I reached the open door, I turned back to her and gave her a thankful nod, “thanks, Zath.”
“It is my duty as a maid and I am simply doing my job,” she bowed and it was the last thing I saw before I closed the door.
I turn around and faced my way too pristine, white-shaded bathroom, colored after my namesake, Neophyte- and though it was made of marble, some of the things here, such as the cabinets and the tub, were made of the expensive jade that I was named after, it was over the top, definitely, but honestly, I didn't really care, all bathrooms are the same in the end, this one is just made with expensive stones instead of regular concrete.
Sighing, I stretched to pop my joints, the relief that came with doing so didn't do anything to help the ache that I was feeling on my chest.
Well, I've lived with the guilt for over 10 years now so there's really no point in wallowing in it any further. I slapped my cheeks and immediately felt better, “move on, move on.” I said it like it was a mantra, “things are going to be fine,”
A wave of guilt washed over me and without thinking about it, I walked over to my mirror and stared at myself- the sight that greeted me was the reflection of a teenage girl with smooth, cream-colored skin, gray eyes, silver hair, and a beautiful face that wasn't mine…
It belonged to another person, once, a heroine by the name of Neophyte Astral Everlast, one of the many heroines that the chosen player character, Cedric-
The streets were filled with people, it was supposed to be my coronation, my time to shine in the spotlight and get recognized as a member of the Everlast royalty but…
“YOU KILLED HIM!”
“MURDERER!”
“HOW IS SHE STILL NOT HANGED! A ROYAL SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED TO LIVE AFTER KILLING THE PROPHESIZED-”
- can pick and marry on an RPG game with the same last name as this body- Everlast.
I… killed Neophyte when I took over her body as a child, the same way I- I…
… sighed. Relief came for a second but then the anger bubbled to the surface and I clenched my fist-
“Murderer.” I glared at my own reflection, even if I accepted the fact that I was now Neophyte, I still couldn't get over the guilt of dooming an entire world to a demon army, “why did you think it was a good idea huh? You FUCKING-”
“Neo?”
I took a deep breath and stopped myself, “I'm fine, Zath.” I said, my voice echoing inside the bathroom, she definitely heard the rest of my speech and not just my yell so by all accounts, she knew that I was not fine but she didn't need to get dragged into my issues, no matter what she says otherwise. “Don't worry about me,”
“If you say so,”
I released my breath and shook the depressive thoughts out of my head before proceeding to do my usual bathroom ritual- starting by taking off my training clothes, the sports bra went off first and was bundled up before mercilessly thrown into my laundry bucket
I unfastened the tie on the gauze around my chest- I pulled and bit by bit, the white fabric came loose, unfurling into a strip that I bundled up and threw to the nearest trash can. Next were my shorts and underwear, those were easy enough and they soon joined my bra on the laundry bucket.
I stepped closer to the bathtub and shuddered when I dipped my toes, despite my moping session, the water was still hot and a wave of euphoria washed over me as I plunged my body into the tub.
I let myself sink deep into the water until the only thing that was visible was the upper part of my face.
And slowly… a daze came over me and I stared at nothing until I snapped back when someone knocked on the door, I stared at it, waiting for whatever it is that Zathania is going to say, “Neo, you're being called for dinner,”
“Already?!” I jumped out of the water and asked before I blinked and realized that I had gotten into one of my fugues again. I cleared my throat, “sorry, that was unlady like,” I said in case a family member is outside the door waiting for me.
“There are only the two of us here, Neo,” Zathania said to my relief, and because of that, I'll allow her playful tone just this once. I could tell that she was smiling from my panic just now, I just know it.
