My dad is a man, a man’s man if you will. He loves the sounds of roaring engines, the smell of motor oil, and requires meat to be part of every single meal he eats. You could take a picture of my dad, or better yet produce a feature-length biopic about him, and people would accuse you of enforcing stereotypes with it. And being his only child, born a boy, this causes certain expectations to be thrust upon you—expectations I couldn’t always fully live up to.
But a teenager not wanting to conform to their parents' expectations? That would just be another stereotype. No, I wanted to be what my dad wanted me to be. He was the wholesomest, awesomest, best father a kid could have. It’s just a shame that his kid was a bit of a dud.
Let’s say that falling asleep watching NASCAR for the third year in a row kind of made my dad give up on pulling me along with his interests. And I can't possibly express how bad I felt about it every time I woke up. This man deserved so much more, but all he got was me.
Now, let's go back to the complete terror that was suddenly taking over my brain with a similar amount of violence to the D-Day landings I had just witnessed on TV. Riley had just called me Emily right in front of my dad, and I was only seconds away from my dad connecting the strings, potentially ripping his only son out of his life and striking this perfect man with the emotional blow of a lifetime. I had to come up with an excuse, and I had to do it now.
“HEY, I'M HERE WITH MY DAD!” I said way too loudly and with Niagara Falls gushing down my back. This should at least hint to her not to call me that right now while I come up with-
“Oh, Jason. Of course. I was expecting a call from somebody else. What's up, JJ and Mr. Jones?” Riley said deftly, parrying the impending disaster. I still hated her guts because of the lies, but I couldn’t help but feel impressed for how easily she had just improvised a very plausible excuse.
My gaze shot over to my dad, to see if he was buying it. His face wasn’t showing anything out of the ordinary, and I couldn't spot any surprise, inquisitiveness, or even disdain. To the contrary, he shrugged, did a slight chuckle, and said, “Sorry to disappoint you, just us two boys. But I’m sure your date will call you back soon.”
“Hah, ye… Let’s hope so,” Riley awkwardly responded.
I could slap myself. Not only was my dad completely oblivious to what was really going on, he had just made very inappropriate comments based on a terrible assumption.
While I was still mentally shaking my head, immensely regretting my decision to call Riley, my dad continued, “So I heard you and Jason are not really on speaking terms right now?”
“Don’t tell me it’s your kid that has been ignoring everybody and everything around them for the past week, Mr. Jones. I tried to make them open up about it, but you and me both know it can be like talking to a brick wall sometimes. In fact, you could-”
“Shut up, please,” I interrupted her as she was pretending to be even more oblivious than my dad. I had given her a full week to come clean, and even now she was still dancing around the subject and insulting me at the same time. “Stop pretending you don’t know what this is about. The fact that you are still lying about the fact that you will be abandoning me in a week from now is actually insane!”
There were a few seconds of silence as everybody reevaluated their positions now that all the cards were on the table. The first voice to break this silence was Riley’s.
“So… You know about that… It’s almost like I didn’t tell you because this is the exact situation I wanted to avoid.” I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, infuriating me even more.
“Yes! Because for some flippin reason, your new future girlfriend Rachel, who you have known for less than two full days, was more deserving of this information than your lifelong best friend was!”
My dad cocked his head slightly while thinking out loud, “Hmm, then who is Emily?”
Riley likely didn't even register his mumbling as she pushed back hard against my words. “I was protecting you! Especially with all your… stuff… going on right now. I wanted our last few weeks in Shamesburry to be happy memories. If I told you four weeks ago when I found myself, you would have spent all these weeks wallowing in self-pity instead of… uhm… discovering yourself? Ugh, can we have this conversation later?”
“Clearly there won’t be a later. What’s the point of trying to build a bridge if you are going to break it down next week anyway?”
“Buddy! Stop being so dramatic, I'm not moving to another planet. It’s like a one-hour drive. We can still easily hang out with Rachel and the girls on the weekends.”
“Awesome, I will only be wallowing in self-pity for five days a week.”
“You think I am liking this whole moving thing? And to think that only two weeks ago you were yelling at me for being self-centered. But maybe you should take your own advice for once! Because if this is the person I’m leaving behind, it might be for the better.”
“And there it is! You never cared about me at all. The only reason we would hang out has always been for you to use me! Me, being a useless mess you could use to contrast yourself with. Somebody to keep down so you would never find yourself at the bottom! Turns out, you have just always been a massive b-”
“We’re done,” my dad’s voice suddenly spoke up as he leaned forward and disconnected the call.
The adrenaline was still coursing through my body, and I was now projecting the anger felt for Riley straight onto my dad. “What the?! We weren’t done! You said I needed to talk this out, so let me talk this out!”
I quickly retrieved my phone from the table and was about to ring Riley again when my dad’s stern voice entered my brain. “This is not talking; this is yelling. And some very self-destructive yelling at that. Clearly, there is a lot going on here, and this isn’t making it better.”
“Well, maybe this never needed to happen if she would have just-”
“Wait, before you finish that thought. I need to show you something.”
Before I was well aware of what was happening, my dad suddenly left the room. I could see a Discord notification popping up on my phone, and was about to check it out when my father already returned, wearing a big grin on his face and holding something behind his back.
He sat down and revealed to be holding a small mirror that he handed to me. “There you go, this might help.”
I actually couldn’t believe it. I came here for support from my old man, the only person left in my life who seemed to give a damn about me. And here he is, the merry prankster, handing the mirror as a joke while clearly choosing Riley’s side by doing so. That manipulative jerk had somehow managed to get even my dad to turn against me.
As the anger in my body reached a boiling point, I honestly felt like hitting my dad with some proper domestic violence. Luckily, my omnipresent anxiety prevented me from doing so. No, my brain has a very different coping mechanism burnt into its operating protocols. I simply got up from the couch, grabbed my coat from the hanger, and left the apartment in one swift motion.
Before slamming the door behind me, I could just hear my dad calling out for me. “Wait! Where are you going, son?”
***
The fall winds were cold, and on both sides of me, there was nothing but an endless pattern of detached townhouses with wood paneling. I didn’t know where I was going; all I knew was that I didn't want to be anywhere near my dad right now. I couldn’t believe how quickly he had turned on me.
I had already tried to call Riley multiple times, but she wasn’t picking up. She is probably out in some fancy Battingham restaurant making fun of my parents—the perfect Greg and Marge and their even more perfect daughter. Clearly, everybody was much better off without me.
Suddenly remembering the Discord notification I spotted earlier, my curious instincts dictated me to see what that was about. Turns out, it was Arthur.
Weird, the guy barely knows me, but also might be the only person in my life that doesn't completely despise me right now.
ARMACH: Ok, so hear me out. I promise it’s not as crazy as it sounds. Razor support.
I chuckled slightly. With all the emotional turmoil swirling around in my head, I could use some wacky Dota theorycrafting to distract myself.
NOBLIN: I’m listening…
ARMACH: You’re online! Good! So the idea is that you can trade and harass in lane using your link. And together with the plasma field, you actually have really good damage output.
NOBLIN: But when you leave the lane, you suddenly don’t do anything anymore because you can’t link in fights since you just get bursted due to no items, right?
ARMACH: You would think, but you just buy Atos and Shard, and suddenly you can stick around your cores and pull people into them. You can even still get BKB later, or buy whatever support stuff the team needs.
NOBLIN: I’m still skeptical. I would need to see it to believe it.
ARMACH: Such a shame you’re not home right now. Could have played some pubs to show you. Having fun at your dad’s?
NOBLIN: I was, until it turned out he’s a steaming pile of dogshit…
ARMACH: Oof, what happened? Want to talk about it?
I looked up from my phone for a second. Lifted my fingers like I was about to type, only to relax them again. Should I really get him involved in all this drama? Especially since I can’t actually be honest with him? I mean, he can’t find out about Jason; that would be social suicide for me. But I could really use somebody on my side right now.
My mind went back to when we met in person last week, and how good it felt before I learned about Riley’s betrayal. I just needed to recapture that feeling.
NOBLIN: It's a bit of a long story, but it’s like this…
Gwenington Merry Chirstmas to everybody who reads as it comes out! I'm still trying to get back to my old writing pace, but building habits takes time it turns out ;)
My dad is a man, a man’s man if you will. He loves the sounds of roaring engines, the smell of motor oil, and requires meat to be part of every single meal he eats. You could take a picture of my dad, or better yet produce a feature-length biopic about him, and people would accuse you of enforcing stereotypes with it. And being his only child, born a boy, this causes certain expectations to be thrust upon you—expectations I couldn’t always fully live up to.
But a teenager not wanting to conform to their parents' expectations? That would just be another stereotype. No, I wanted to be what my dad wanted me to be. He was the wholesomest, awesomest, best father a kid could have. It’s just a shame that his kid was a bit of a dud.
Let’s say that falling asleep watching NASCAR for the third year in a row kind of made my dad give up on pulling me along with his interests. And I can't possibly express how bad I felt about it every time I woke up. This man deserved so much more, but all he got was me.
Now, let's go back to the complete terror that was suddenly taking over my brain with a similar amount of violence to the D-Day landings I had just witnessed on TV. Riley had just called me Emily right in front of my dad, and I was only seconds away from my dad connecting the strings, potentially ripping his only son out of his life and striking this perfect man with the emotional blow of a lifetime. I had to come up with an excuse, and I had to do it now.
“HEY, I'M HERE WITH MY DAD!” I said way too loudly and with Niagara Falls gushing down my back. This should at least hint to her not to call me that right now while I come up with-
“Oh, Jason. Of course. I was expecting a call from somebody else. What's up, JJ and Mr. Jones?” Riley said deftly, parrying the impending disaster. I still hated her guts because of the lies, but I couldn’t help but feel impressed for how easily she had just improvised a very plausible excuse.
My gaze shot over to my dad, to see if he was buying it. His face wasn’t showing anything out of the ordinary, and I couldn't spot any surprise, inquisitiveness, or even disdain. To the contrary, he shrugged, did a slight chuckle, and said, “Sorry to disappoint you, just us two boys. But I’m sure your date will call you back soon.”
“Hah, ye… Let’s hope so,” Riley awkwardly responded.
I could slap myself. Not only was my dad completely oblivious to what was really going on, he had just made very inappropriate comments based on a terrible assumption.
While I was still mentally shaking my head, immensely regretting my decision to call Riley, my dad continued, “So I heard you and Jason are not really on speaking terms right now?”
“Don’t tell me it’s your kid that has been ignoring everybody and everything around them for the past week, Mr. Jones. I tried to make them open up about it, but you and me both know it can be like talking to a brick wall sometimes. In fact, you could-”
“Shut up, please,” I interrupted her as she was pretending to be even more oblivious than my dad. I had given her a full week to come clean, and even now she was still dancing around the subject and insulting me at the same time. “Stop pretending you don’t know what this is about. The fact that you are still lying about the fact that you will be abandoning me in a week from now is actually insane!”
There were a few seconds of silence as everybody reevaluated their positions now that all the cards were on the table. The first voice to break this silence was Riley’s.
“So… You know about that… It’s almost like I didn’t tell you because this is the exact situation I wanted to avoid.” I could practically hear her rolling her eyes, infuriating me even more.
“Yes! Because for some flippin reason, your new future girlfriend Rachel, who you have known for less than two full days, was more deserving of this information than your lifelong best friend was!”
My dad cocked his head slightly while thinking out loud, “Hmm, then who is Emily?”
Riley likely didn't even register his mumbling as she pushed back hard against my words. “I was protecting you! Especially with all your… stuff… going on right now. I wanted our last few weeks in Shamesburry to be happy memories. If I told you four weeks ago when I found myself, you would have spent all these weeks wallowing in self-pity instead of… uhm… discovering yourself? Ugh, can we have this conversation later?”
“Clearly there won’t be a later. What’s the point of trying to build a bridge if you are going to break it down next week anyway?”
“Buddy! Stop being so dramatic, I'm not moving to another planet. It’s like a one-hour drive. We can still easily hang out with Rachel and the girls on the weekends.”
“Awesome, I will only be wallowing in self-pity for five days a week.”
“You think I am liking this whole moving thing? And to think that only two weeks ago you were yelling at me for being self-centered. But maybe you should take your own advice for once! Because if this is the person I’m leaving behind, it might be for the better.”
“And there it is! You never cared about me at all. The only reason we would hang out has always been for you to use me! Me, being a useless mess you could use to contrast yourself with. Somebody to keep down so you would never find yourself at the bottom! Turns out, you have just always been a massive b-”
“We’re done,” my dad’s voice suddenly spoke up as he leaned forward and disconnected the call.
The adrenaline was still coursing through my body, and I was now projecting the anger felt for Riley straight onto my dad. “What the?! We weren’t done! You said I needed to talk this out, so let me talk this out!”
I quickly retrieved my phone from the table and was about to ring Riley again when my dad’s stern voice entered my brain. “This is not talking; this is yelling. And some very self-destructive yelling at that. Clearly, there is a lot going on here, and this isn’t making it better.”
“Well, maybe this never needed to happen if she would have just-”
“Wait, before you finish that thought. I need to show you something.”
Before I was well aware of what was happening, my dad suddenly left the room. I could see a Discord notification popping up on my phone, and was about to check it out when my father already returned, wearing a big grin on his face and holding something behind his back.
He sat down and revealed to be holding a small mirror that he handed to me. “There you go, this might help.”
I actually couldn’t believe it. I came here for support from my old man, the only person left in my life who seemed to give a damn about me. And here he is, the merry prankster, handing the mirror as a joke while clearly choosing Riley’s side by doing so. That manipulative jerk had somehow managed to get even my dad to turn against me.
As the anger in my body reached a boiling point, I honestly felt like hitting my dad with some proper domestic violence. Luckily, my omnipresent anxiety prevented me from doing so. No, my brain has a very different coping mechanism burnt into its operating protocols. I simply got up from the couch, grabbed my coat from the hanger, and left the apartment in one swift motion.
Before slamming the door behind me, I could just hear my dad calling out for me. “Wait! Where are you going, son?”
***
The fall winds were cold, and on both sides of me, there was nothing but an endless pattern of detached townhouses with wood paneling. I didn’t know where I was going; all I knew was that I didn't want to be anywhere near my dad right now. I couldn’t believe how quickly he had turned on me.
I had already tried to call Riley multiple times, but she wasn’t picking up. She is probably out in some fancy Battingham restaurant making fun of my parents—the perfect Greg and Marge and their even more perfect daughter. Clearly, everybody was much better off without me.
Suddenly remembering the Discord notification I spotted earlier, my curious instincts dictated me to see what that was about. Turns out, it was Arthur.
Weird, the guy barely knows me, but also might be the only person in my life that doesn't completely despise me right now.
ARMACH: Ok, so hear me out. I promise it’s not as crazy as it sounds. Razor support.
I chuckled slightly. With all the emotional turmoil swirling around in my head, I could use some wacky Dota theorycrafting to distract myself.
NOBLIN: I’m listening…
ARMACH: You’re online! Good! So the idea is that you can trade and harass in lane using your link. And together with the plasma field, you actually have really good damage output.
NOBLIN: But when you leave the lane, you suddenly don’t do anything anymore because you can’t link in fights since you just get bursted due to no items, right?
ARMACH: You would think, but you just buy Atos and Shard, and suddenly you can stick around your cores and pull people into them. You can even still get BKB later, or buy whatever support stuff the team needs.
NOBLIN: I’m still skeptical. I would need to see it to believe it.
ARMACH: Such a shame you’re not home right now. Could have played some pubs to show you. Having fun at your dad’s?
NOBLIN: I was, until it turned out he’s a steaming pile of dogshit…
ARMACH: Oof, what happened? Want to talk about it?
I looked up from my phone for a second. Lifted my fingers like I was about to type, only to relax them again. Should I really get him involved in all this drama? Especially since I can’t actually be honest with him? I mean, he can’t find out about Jason; that would be social suicide for me. But I could really use somebody on my side right now.
My mind went back to when we met in person last week, and how good it felt before I learned about Riley’s betrayal. I just needed to recapture that feeling.
NOBLIN: It's a bit of a long story, but it’s like this…
Gwenington Merry Chirstmas to everybody who reads as it comes out! I'm still trying to get back to my old writing pace, but building habits takes time it turns out ;)
