Chapter 282: Certainty
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She has the same face, same body, same eyes, same voice and...same memories. Would that make Sherley Daulla?
To be honest, memories are what makes people human.
If my memory got transferred to someone else, would that make him Das?
Memories are what matters the most.
So if...she is Sherley with Daulla's memory, then...
Help me, Daulla.
What should I do?
"Please answer me, Lil Das"
No! That wouldn't make her Daulla.
She would stay Sherley for me.
Daulla is dead.
She is...dead.
'You don't belong here'
What was that dream I had when I was napping?
And why so suddenly?
And why did Daulla say 'You don't belong here'?
What did she mean by that?
I don't belong there...that was my memory! I can't belong in my own memory? Why?
That memory....was it mine in the first place?
If it was really my memory, then I should be seeing it from my kid-self's angle. But at that time, I was watching it from...outside.
As if I was someone else. As if it was someone else's memory.
And why do I feel like I have seen some weird memories? Like, me dying and...Lier in the hospital...Elena standing in front of my grave.
What were all those memories? And why did I suddenly remember them after that weird dream?
Was there any....message for me?
What did you want?
Is she Daulla? Or is she Sherley?
How do I decide?
"Who am I, Lil Das?"
I have to decide.
But...what if I am wrong?
What if I said she is Sherley, and she turned out to be Daulla?
I would regret that for my entire life and I wouldn't even know it.
And as she said, she would believe me whatever I decide.
What if I said she is Daulla, and she turned out to be Sherley?
That would be like betraying Daulla. And using her clone's body for my needs.
I would be an asshole to do something like that.
What would Daulla think if she is watching me from somewhere?
What should I do?
How do I decide who she is?
Sherley or Daulla?
"Okay. I will tell you. But first, answer me one thing. What would you do if I killed myself?
"I will kill myself"
An instant reply with no hesitation. That's the Daulla I know.
"I just hope that I am not wrong and I don't regret my decision in future"
Maybe I am just being selfish? Maybe I just don't want to accept that Daulla is dead? Maybe I just don't want her to be Sherley? Maybe I just want her to be Daulla?
Well, it doesn't matter, because I am sure I am not wrong. Not this time.
I opened my mouth just to close it again.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air and said, "You are my Daulla"
As soon as I said that, tears fell down from her eyes as she ran at me and hugged me.
"Thank you. Thank you, Lil Das"
"I thank you for being her."
"Thank you"
"I thank you for convincing me that you are her. And I am sorry for being rude. I am sorry for yelling at you. I am sorry for pushing you down, I am sorry for saying those harsh things to you. I am sorry for making you cry. I am sorry for making you worried"
"I am just happy to see you again"
"It's still hard to believe you are Daulla but I know one thing that Daulla never lied and you are not lying either"
"Thank you for trusting me"
"I am grea--"
I had the same vision I had when I was napping.
I saw Daulla standing under the tree, as if she was waiting for someone.
Then a boy and a girl came.
Everything was the same, the only difference was, that I was watching everything from my kid self's vision.
Does that mean I made the right choice?
"Lil Das? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am...o--kay!"
"Lil Das!"
My body gave out and I fell down in Daulla's arms.
My body feels so numb.
Is it out of sync?
Daulla carried me by giving me the support of her shoulder, and we both sat down, taking the edge as the support to lean back.
Daulla adjusted herself and patted her l.a.p.
"Put your head here"
"L.a.p pillow!"
"You don't want it?"
"I do!"
She placed my head as I rested on her l.a.p.
I was looking up at her face, and the sky.
She noticed my gaze and the sky and looked up.
"They are beautiful as always"
"Yeah"
"We used to do this all the time"
"Yeah. You, me, and Lier. We did this most of the night. I miss those days"
She c.a.r.e.s.sed my hair and said, "Your hair looks a lot longer even though you had a haircut last week"
"Yeah"
They just grew with my transformation.
"They are still white"
"Yeah"
"Your left eye is red too"
"Hmm"
"When will they go back to normal?"
"My body is still healing"
"You are the same Lil Das I know, right?"
"I am the same Lil Das you love"
Her face flushed as she tried to turn her face away.
She is her.
She is really her.
She is Daulla.
She is the Daulla I love.
"You know, Lil Das"
"Hmm?"
"You were right"
"About?"
Her face flushed more as she continued saying, "You were right when you asked me if I was into little kids"
"You mean..."
"Not in general, but I have loved you ever since you were a kid"
"Really?"
"I used to get confused with my feelings when I was still our caretaker"
"Mistook the feelings of loving me as a caretaker and a boy?"
She nodded and said, "But it wasn't that intense. And it was also my first time experiencing something like that. I felt the same way about Ange like I felt about you"
"You loved mother?"
"As a friend, yes. We grew up together. She didn't have any friends, and I was also adopted by Queen Layla. And we were at the same age, so we became friends quickly. And besides, I was raised as her bodyguard to protect her, and she threw me away after she and your father started going out. 'You have your own life to live,' she said. I lived my entire life for her, and she did that. And I couldn't even talk back to that reason"
"And then you asked them to become a maid?"
"Yeah. And they agreed. I spent all my life as a maid, until you were born. I felt like a reason to live"
"Ehe"
"After that, I was appointed as your caretaker. I took care of you. It was just a motherly love. But I don't know where or when it changed.
"I don't blame you"
"Then I died. But I was quite happy that I got to meet you"
"...."
"Then I got a second chance, but I was still a maid, a head maid. All I could do is serve you as a maid and you as my master"
"..."
"When you told me that you love me, when you told me that you have feelings for me, I was so happy that I didn't want that moment to end. But then I remembered my limitations. I also had a system inside me, so even if I accepted your feelings, you would have just ended up being sad if I died"
"Daulla"
"But you kept pestering me. I got a little selfish. 'Why not spend my remaining life as Lil Das' lover?', and after thinking and making up my mind, I accepted your feelings today"
"But the palace was attacked"
"Yes. My duty is to protect the palace and the King. And I failed in that"
"You didn't"
"The King is dead! All my life, my entire life I had served him. I had always protected him and...he died. I couldn't protect him" She started crying.
"It wasn't your fault, Daulla. You tried your best"
Why am I comforting her? I know very well she wouldn't be convinced. She will blame herself for her entire life.
"He was like my father. And I never called him that. I couldn't...call him that"
Her tears fell down on my face.
"He always thought of you as his daughter. He said it himself. So don't worry"
"I died again. And when I opened my eyes, I was in Sherley's body. I didn't know what was going on. I was very confused. But I was a bit happy to be alive. Even though I was...I am in Sherley's body, and she is dead now, I was happy to be alive. What a horrible woman I am"
"Sherley never had her own consciousness. She just did what she was supposed to"
"I couldn't be with you in my first life. I wanted to be with you, but I failed in my second life too. But I am not giving up in this third life. I will love you, I will do things that lovers are supposed to do. I don't and won't care what others will think. You are all that matters to me now. I will serve you for my entire life"
"No need for that" I slowly moved my hand to her face and touched it, saying, "You have done enough, now it's my turn to serve you"
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She has the same face, same body, same eyes, same voice and...same memories. Would that make Sherley Daulla?
To be honest, memories are what makes people human.
If my memory got transferred to someone else, would that make him Das?
Memories are what matters the most.
So if...she is Sherley with Daulla's memory, then...
Help me, Daulla.
What should I do?
"Please answer me, Lil Das"
No! That wouldn't make her Daulla.
She would stay Sherley for me.
Daulla is dead.
She is...dead.
'You don't belong here'
What was that dream I had when I was napping?
And why so suddenly?
And why did Daulla say 'You don't belong here'?
What did she mean by that?
I don't belong there...that was my memory! I can't belong in my own memory? Why?
That memory....was it mine in the first place?
If it was really my memory, then I should be seeing it from my kid-self's angle. But at that time, I was watching it from...outside.
As if I was someone else. As if it was someone else's memory.
And why do I feel like I have seen some weird memories? Like, me dying and...Lier in the hospital...Elena standing in front of my grave.
What were all those memories? And why did I suddenly remember them after that weird dream?
Was there any....message for me?
What did you want?
Is she Daulla? Or is she Sherley?
How do I decide?
"Who am I, Lil Das?"
I have to decide.
But...what if I am wrong?
What if I said she is Sherley, and she turned out to be Daulla?
I would regret that for my entire life and I wouldn't even know it.
And as she said, she would believe me whatever I decide.
What if I said she is Daulla, and she turned out to be Sherley?
That would be like betraying Daulla. And using her clone's body for my needs.
I would be an asshole to do something like that.
What would Daulla think if she is watching me from somewhere?
What should I do?
How do I decide who she is?
Sherley or Daulla?
"Okay. I will tell you. But first, answer me one thing. What would you do if I killed myself?
"I will kill myself"
An instant reply with no hesitation. That's the Daulla I know.
"I just hope that I am not wrong and I don't regret my decision in future"
Maybe I am just being selfish? Maybe I just don't want to accept that Daulla is dead? Maybe I just don't want her to be Sherley? Maybe I just want her to be Daulla?
Well, it doesn't matter, because I am sure I am not wrong. Not this time.
I opened my mouth just to close it again.
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air and said, "You are my Daulla"
As soon as I said that, tears fell down from her eyes as she ran at me and hugged me.
"Thank you. Thank you, Lil Das"
"I thank you for being her."
"Thank you"
"I thank you for convincing me that you are her. And I am sorry for being rude. I am sorry for yelling at you. I am sorry for pushing you down, I am sorry for saying those harsh things to you. I am sorry for making you cry. I am sorry for making you worried"
"I am just happy to see you again"
"It's still hard to believe you are Daulla but I know one thing that Daulla never lied and you are not lying either"
"Thank you for trusting me"
"I am grea--"
I had the same vision I had when I was napping.
I saw Daulla standing under the tree, as if she was waiting for someone.
Then a boy and a girl came.
Everything was the same, the only difference was, that I was watching everything from my kid self's vision.
Does that mean I made the right choice?
"Lil Das? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I am...o--kay!"
"Lil Das!"
My body gave out and I fell down in Daulla's arms.
My body feels so numb.
Is it out of sync?
Daulla carried me by giving me the support of her shoulder, and we both sat down, taking the edge as the support to lean back.
Daulla adjusted herself and patted her l.a.p.
"Put your head here"
"L.a.p pillow!"
"You don't want it?"
"I do!"
She placed my head as I rested on her l.a.p.
I was looking up at her face, and the sky.
She noticed my gaze and the sky and looked up.
"They are beautiful as always"
"Yeah"
"We used to do this all the time"
"Yeah. You, me, and Lier. We did this most of the night. I miss those days"
She c.a.r.e.s.sed my hair and said, "Your hair looks a lot longer even though you had a haircut last week"
"Yeah"
They just grew with my transformation.
"They are still white"
"Yeah"
"Your left eye is red too"
"Hmm"
"When will they go back to normal?"
"My body is still healing"
"You are the same Lil Das I know, right?"
"I am the same Lil Das you love"
Her face flushed as she tried to turn her face away.
She is her.
She is really her.
She is Daulla.
She is the Daulla I love.
"You know, Lil Das"
"Hmm?"
"You were right"
"About?"
Her face flushed more as she continued saying, "You were right when you asked me if I was into little kids"
"You mean..."
"Not in general, but I have loved you ever since you were a kid"
"Really?"
"I used to get confused with my feelings when I was still our caretaker"
"Mistook the feelings of loving me as a caretaker and a boy?"
She nodded and said, "But it wasn't that intense. And it was also my first time experiencing something like that. I felt the same way about Ange like I felt about you"
"You loved mother?"
"As a friend, yes. We grew up together. She didn't have any friends, and I was also adopted by Queen Layla. And we were at the same age, so we became friends quickly. And besides, I was raised as her bodyguard to protect her, and she threw me away after she and your father started going out. 'You have your own life to live,' she said. I lived my entire life for her, and she did that. And I couldn't even talk back to that reason"
"And then you asked them to become a maid?"
"Yeah. And they agreed. I spent all my life as a maid, until you were born. I felt like a reason to live"
"Ehe"
"After that, I was appointed as your caretaker. I took care of you. It was just a motherly love. But I don't know where or when it changed.
"I don't blame you"
"Then I died. But I was quite happy that I got to meet you"
"...."
"Then I got a second chance, but I was still a maid, a head maid. All I could do is serve you as a maid and you as my master"
"..."
"When you told me that you love me, when you told me that you have feelings for me, I was so happy that I didn't want that moment to end. But then I remembered my limitations. I also had a system inside me, so even if I accepted your feelings, you would have just ended up being sad if I died"
"Daulla"
"But you kept pestering me. I got a little selfish. 'Why not spend my remaining life as Lil Das' lover?', and after thinking and making up my mind, I accepted your feelings today"
"But the palace was attacked"
"Yes. My duty is to protect the palace and the King. And I failed in that"
"You didn't"
"The King is dead! All my life, my entire life I had served him. I had always protected him and...he died. I couldn't protect him" She started crying.
"It wasn't your fault, Daulla. You tried your best"
Why am I comforting her? I know very well she wouldn't be convinced. She will blame herself for her entire life.
"He was like my father. And I never called him that. I couldn't...call him that"
Her tears fell down on my face.
"He always thought of you as his daughter. He said it himself. So don't worry"
"I died again. And when I opened my eyes, I was in Sherley's body. I didn't know what was going on. I was very confused. But I was a bit happy to be alive. Even though I was...I am in Sherley's body, and she is dead now, I was happy to be alive. What a horrible woman I am"
"Sherley never had her own consciousness. She just did what she was supposed to"
"I couldn't be with you in my first life. I wanted to be with you, but I failed in my second life too. But I am not giving up in this third life. I will love you, I will do things that lovers are supposed to do. I don't and won't care what others will think. You are all that matters to me now. I will serve you for my entire life"
"No need for that" I slowly moved my hand to her face and touched it, saying, "You have done enough, now it's my turn to serve you"
She has the same face, same body, same eyes, same voice and...same memories. Would that make Sherley Daulla? To be honest, memories are what makes people human. If my memory got transferred to someone else, would that make him Das? Memories are what matters the most. So if...she is Sherley with Daulla's memory, then... Help me, Daulla. What should I do? "Please answer me, Lil Das" No! That wouldn't make her Daulla. She would stay Sherley for me. Daulla is dead. She is...dead. 'You don't belong here' What was that dream I had when I was napping? And why so suddenly? And why did Daulla say 'You don't belong here'? What did she mean by that? I don't belong there...that was my memory! I can't belong in my own memory? Why? That memory....was it mine in the first place? If it was really my memory, then I should be seeing it from my kid-self's angle. But at that time, I was watching it from...outside. As if I was someone else. As if it was someone else's memory. And why do I feel like I have seen some weird memories? Like, me dying and...Lier in the hospital...Elena standing in front of my grave. What were all those memories? And why did I suddenly remember them after that weird dream? Was there any....message for me? What did you want? Is she Daulla? Or is she Sherley? How do I decide? "Who am I, Lil Das?" I have to decide. But...what if I am wrong? What if I said she is Sherley, and she turned out to be Daulla? I would regret that for my entire life and I wouldn't even know it. And as she said, she would believe me whatever I decide. What if I said she is Daulla, and she turned out to be Sherley? That would be like betraying Daulla. And using her clone's body for my needs. I would be an asshole to do something like that. What would Daulla think if she is watching me from somewhere? What should I do? How do I decide who she is? Sherley or Daulla? "Okay. I will tell you. But first, answer me one thing. What would you do if I killed myself? "I will kill myself" An instant reply with no hesitation. That's the Daulla I know. "I just hope that I am not wrong and I don't regret my decision in future" Maybe I am just being selfish? Maybe I just don't want to accept that Daulla is dead? Maybe I just don't want her to be Sherley? Maybe I just want her to be Daulla? Well, it doesn't matter, because I am sure I am not wrong. Not this time. I opened my mouth just to close it again. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air and said, "You are my Daulla" As soon as I said that, tears fell down from her eyes as she ran at me and hugged me. "Thank you. Thank you, Lil Das" "I thank you for being her." "Thank you" "I thank you for convincing me that you are her. And I am sorry for being rude. I am sorry for yelling at you. I am sorry for pushing you down, I am sorry for saying those harsh things to you. I am sorry for making you cry. I am sorry for making you worried" "I am just happy to see you again" "It's still hard to believe you are Daulla but I know one thing that Daulla never lied and you are not lying either" "Thank you for trusting me" "I am grea--" I had the same vision I had when I was napping. I saw Daulla standing under the tree, as if she was waiting for someone. Then a boy and a girl came. Everything was the same, the only difference was, that I was watching everything from my kid self's vision. Does that mean I made the right choice? "Lil Das? Are you okay?" "Yeah, I am...o--kay!" "Lil Das!" My body gave out and I fell down in Daulla's arms. My body feels so numb. Is it out of sync? Daulla carried me by giving me the support of her shoulder, and we both sat down, taking the edge as the support to lean back. Daulla adjusted herself and patted her l.a.p. "Put your head here" "L.a.p pillow!" "You don't want it?" "I do!" She placed my head as I rested on her l.a.p. I was looking up at her face, and the sky. She noticed my gaze and the sky and looked up. "They are beautiful as always" "Yeah" "We used to do this all the time" "Yeah. You, me, and Lier. We did this most of the night. I miss those days" She c.a.r.e.s.sed my hair and said, "Your hair looks a lot longer even though you had a haircut last week" "Yeah" They just grew with my transformation. "They are still white" "Yeah" "Your left eye is red too" "Hmm" "When will they go back to normal?" "My body is still healing" "You are the same Lil Das I know, right?" "I am the same Lil Das you love" Her face flushed as she tried to turn her face away. She is her. She is really her. She is Daulla. She is the Daulla I love. "You know, Lil Das" "Hmm?" "You were right" "About?" Her face flushed more as she continued saying, "You were right when you asked me if I was into little kids" "You mean..." "Not in general, but I have loved you ever since you were a kid" "Really?" "I used to get confused with my feelings when I was still our caretaker" "Mistook the feelings of loving me as a caretaker and a boy?" She nodded and said, "But it wasn't that intense. And it was also my first time experiencing something like that. I felt the same way about Ange like I felt about you" "You loved mother?" "As a friend, yes. We grew up together. She didn't have any friends, and I was also adopted by Queen Layla. And we were at the same age, so we became friends quickly. And besides, I was raised as her bodyguard to protect her, and she threw me away after she and your father started going out. 'You have your own life to live,' she said. I lived my entire life for her, and she did that. And I couldn't even talk back to that reason" "And then you asked them to become a maid?" "Yeah. And they agreed. I spent all my life as a maid, until you were born. I felt like a reason to live" "Ehe" "After that, I was appointed as your caretaker. I took care of you. It was just a motherly love. But I don't know where or when it changed. "I don't blame you" "Then I died. But I was quite happy that I got to meet you" "...." "Then I got a second chance, but I was still a maid, a head maid. All I could do is serve you as a maid and you as my master" "..." "When you told me that you love me, when you told me that you have feelings for me, I was so happy that I didn't want that moment to end. But then I remembered my limitations. I also had a system inside me, so even if I accepted your feelings, you would have just ended up being sad if I died" "Daulla" "But you kept pestering me. I got a little selfish. 'Why not spend my remaining life as Lil Das' lover?', and after thinking and making up my mind, I accepted your feelings today" "But the palace was attacked" "Yes. My duty is to protect the palace and the King. And I failed in that" "You didn't" "The King is dead! All my life, my entire life I had served him. I had always protected him and...he died. I couldn't protect him" She started crying. "It wasn't your fault, Daulla. You tried your best" Why am I comforting her? I know very well she wouldn't be convinced. She will blame herself for her entire life. "He was like my father. And I never called him that. I couldn't...call him that" Her tears fell down on my face. "He always thought of you as his daughter. He said it himself. So don't worry" "I died again. And when I opened my eyes, I was in Sherley's body. I didn't know what was going on. I was very confused. But I was a bit happy to be alive. Even though I was...I am in Sherley's body, and she is dead now, I was happy to be alive. What a horrible woman I am" "Sherley never had her own consciousness. She just did what she was supposed to" "I couldn't be with you in my first life. I wanted to be with you, but I failed in my second life too. But I am not giving up in this third life. I will love you, I will do things that lovers are supposed to do. I don't and won't care what others will think. You are all that matters to me now. I will serve you for my entire life" "No need for that" I slowly moved my hand to her face and touched it, saying, "You have done enough, now it's my turn to serve you"
