Chapter 10
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This novel was posted on cntranslationss [dot] blogsp0t [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
It's... already been this long, huh?
Until Now
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Hide?
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Yes, this is how it was.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
What about this should I be happy about?
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
Hide?
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Happy?
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Until Now
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
N/A
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
What about this should I be happy about?
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
N/A
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Was I also like this once?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
No, definitely not.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Happy?
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It's... already been this long, huh?
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
No, definitely not.
What about this should I be happy about?
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
What about this should I be happy about?
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
◈◇◈
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
What about this should I be happy about?
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
...
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It's... already been this long, huh?
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
Happy?
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Yes, this is how it was.
What about this should I be happy about?
Yes, this is how it was.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
◈◇◈
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
No, definitely not.
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
...
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
N/A
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Happy?
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Until Now
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Yes, this is how it was.
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Hide?
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
N/A
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It's... already been this long, huh?
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Hide?
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Yes, this is how it was.
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Was I also like this once?
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
...
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Hide?
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
Hide?
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
Until Now
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
...
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Was I also like this once?
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Hide?
No, definitely not.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
◈◇◈
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
What about this should I be happy about?
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Yes, this is how it was.
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
N/A
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
What about this should I be happy about?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
It's... already been this long, huh?
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Please report us if you find any errors so we can fix it asap!
This novel was posted on cntranslationss [dot] blogsp0t [dot] com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get ￣へ￣)
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
It's... already been this long, huh?
Until Now
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Hide?
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Yes, this is how it was.
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
What about this should I be happy about?
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
Hide?
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Happy?
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Until Now
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
N/A
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
What about this should I be happy about?
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
N/A
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Was I also like this once?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."
Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
No, definitely not.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Happy?
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It's... already been this long, huh?
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
No, definitely not.
What about this should I be happy about?
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
What about this should I be happy about?
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
◈◇◈
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
What about this should I be happy about?
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
...
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It's... already been this long, huh?
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
Happy?
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.
—Your life is the result of your own choices.
But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Yes, this is how it was.
What about this should I be happy about?
Yes, this is how it was.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
◈◇◈
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
No, definitely not.
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
...
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."
N/A
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Happy?
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Until Now
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Yes, this is how it was.
Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Hide?
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
N/A
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It's... already been this long, huh?
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
Hide?
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."
Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again. Xiao Ning, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.
Yes, this is how it was.
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Was I also like this once?
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
...
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
"So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."
Hide?
Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.
Hide?
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"
As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
"But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"
"No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."
Until Now
At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."
...
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
"Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."
Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
Was I also like this once?
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
"Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."
"No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
Hide?
No, definitely not.
This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan's unclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."
"Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.
◈◇◈
What right do I have to hate him anyhow?
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming. That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.
He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."
"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
What about this should I be happy about?
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."
It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."
Yes, this is how it was.
It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.
Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.
Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's father—as in, Lu Yan's grandfather—was a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression and aid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
N/A
After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."
Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.
When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined. Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.
Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"
What about this should I be happy about?
What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.
He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"
In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.
"Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."
It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.
The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"
But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.
"Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."
"Xiao Ning?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
"He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
It's... already been this long, huh?
Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.
Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.
He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.
"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."
"Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"
When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.
Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"
However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.
Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."
"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."
After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
This novel was posted on cntranslationss dot blogsp0t dot com, by anasiana. If you're not reading it there, you get what you get "Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"It's... already been this long, huh?Until NowLu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?""Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious."Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away.""Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan."After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is.""Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart.""So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"Hide?Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.What right do I have to hate him anyhow?This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."Yes, this is how it was.After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body."So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already.""Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart.""Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on.""I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone.""Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen.""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."What about this should I be happy about?It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."What right do I have to hate him anyhow?In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?""No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?""Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass.""Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact.""He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy."Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him."Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different.""Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"Hide?Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?""No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"Happy?After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self."Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."Until NowWhen all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined.Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned."But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?"He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.N/AThe words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?""There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.What about this should I be happy about?Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious."You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early.""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you.""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you.""No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."""He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay."Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"N/A"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."Was I also like this once?What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation."Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting."He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?""There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?""Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.Those words were already a curse, and hearing them, Lu Yan's face darkened, "Xiao Ning? Do you really mean that? Do you seriously mean that? And I'm telling you, if you say yes, I'm gonna kick your ass."Xiao Ning gripped his seatbelt, it felt as though the warmth from when Lu Yan had just leant over was still there. He tried a few times, but still couldn't manage to put on a smile, going on to continue: "Are you serious? Are you actually kidding me right now? How can you be serious about a man? Just who is it are you serious about?"But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality.Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"No, definitely not.Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable.He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"Happy?It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core."Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.It's... already been this long, huh?He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.No, definitely not.What about this should I be happy about?Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion."Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready.Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"What about this should I be happy about?"There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?""Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.What about this should I be happy about?He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality."So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting.""Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future.""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you."...Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious."Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.It's... already been this long, huh?"So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already."Happy?"Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later.""Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before.""Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."Your life is the result of your own choices.iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable."He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"At the end of the day, the one who chose this was him.Your life is the result of your own choices.But, as usual, Lu Yan didn't notice it at all. He had only ever paid attention to his own emotions and not others, with him further adding, "I don't know how to explain it, you know? It's just... I feel kind of responsible."Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold."You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early.""So you're just afraid of trouble?" Lu Yan didn't know why but, just then, he let out a smile, "But my trouble isn't something you can avoid, so you just better give up trying to already.""No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"Yes, this is how it was.What about this should I be happy about?Yes, this is how it was.He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"What right do I have to hate him anyhow?What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.No, definitely not.Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down....In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.What right do I have to hate him anyhow?At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.He then thought of the time when he sprained his foot trying to kick a ball and Lu Yan took him to the infirmary and said: "You're really interesting, I'll cover for you from now on."N/AWhen Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?""Just help yourself. You came to A-City to enjoy yourself, right? So I'll do my best to be a good host." Xiao Ning had composed himself by then, smiling as he asked him to go find them a place to sit, then made his way upstairs with the two lattes when they were ready."I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.Happy?He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"Until Now"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."Yes, this is how it was.Xiao Ning never expected Lu Yan to use this word, then he heard the man continue, "In the beginning, I thought it was because you believed homosexuality was disgusting or something."What right do I have to hate him anyhow?Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.Hide?He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.Deep down he wanted to ask bitterly, like those female characters in romance novels: "What the hell is it that Lu Yan likes about you!"Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?"Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well."Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future.""So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."At his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.N/AThis is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li."Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."It's... already been this long, huh?"What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game.""Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?""He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."Hide?Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.Not waiting for Xiao Ning to reply, he then murmured, "You even have a key to his place."Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important.""No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though.""What does this, and how long it's been since we've met, have to do with each other" Lu Yan's bad temper came out as he retorted, "Besides, he and I knew each other for a while now through the online game."Hearing his words, Xiao Ning's body stiffened, but only slightly, as he recalled Lu Yan's earlier warning. Even he, himself, had no clue how much effort it took for him to restrain his breathing, but having done so, and after appearing to shrug his shoulders effortlessly, he replied, saying, "It's just because he has a really bad memory, and there are times when he forgets his keys. Anyhow, I'm a really good person, you know? I won't do something like emptying his house when he's not there one day, so I've just be using the spare key he puts under the mat."Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming."You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early.""So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually.""Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li."There's no way I'd wait on him hand and foot." Xia Li chuckled a bit, "But for some reason Lu Yan won't talk about you. I asked him once, but he refused to say anything."It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.Lu Yan stared at him as if he didn't know the person he was looking at, unable to hold back his laughter, "If I keep talking to you I'd never be able to understand the word serious again.XiaoNing, what's going on right now? Yes, I know that I fell in and out of love really fast in the past. But, even if you thought I wasn't such a respectable person before, right now, I think I am quite serious. So shouldn't you of all people be happy for me?""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you.""Well, it's not that he refused to say, it's that he's just too lazy to say anything." Xiao Ning let out a laugh despite himself, taking another sip of his coffee even though his throat still somehow felt dry. Enduring it, he continued by saying, "You two are the ones in love, so what are you doing talking about me?"After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."Xia Li, despite him being a bit shy when it came to getting along with strangers, had an overall disposition that was cheerful. So, in that shop, clutching the large cup of coffee in his hands, he was the one who initiated a conversation with Xiao Ning. His three month internship at the advertising company, along with him just finishing college, were all things he managed to bring up in his chat. These topics made Xiao Ning recall his on days as a student, and even managed to coax him into saying a few words in return as well.Yes, this is how it was."No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was..."""Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?""I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone.""He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."After saying that, he paused for a while, looking away before he added, "Also... don't tell him about how many partners I had before."Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming.That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?""I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.Xiao Ning stopped talking right then, feeling he shouldn't open his mouth any further without first steadying his tone. "Then what you're saying is that you are serious about Xia Li? How long has it even been since the two of you met?"The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."Lu Yan didn't reply to him, however, only holding onto the staring heel as he stared at the ceiling for a while.When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.Was I also like this once?Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious."Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming."He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."..."Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious.What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation."So uh... you and Lu Yan were classmates in university, right?" Xia Li asked with great interest, and causing Xiao Ning to promptly swallow the hot bitter liquid in his mouth with a nod. "I've been classmates with Lu Yan since primary school, actually."Hide?Lu Yan only pretends to be good at home, so him coming out? Well, Grandpa Lu can kill Lu Yan before he has a heart attack as a result.Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.Xiao Ning left those straying thoughts aside, even though he didn't know what to do on the old Lu's side of things, Lu Yan had said he was quite serious about Xia Li.Hide?Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.Xiao Ning wanted to reach his arms out to clutch his chest, his thoughts drifting to that time when he was alone at the playground in a daze, until the kid version of Lu Yan ran over to him and asked: "We're short one person, wanna come play?"As he said all this, his gaze turned downwards while a smile found its way onto his face. This smile of his was so gentle, and filled with so much emotion, that seeing such a look on Lu Yan's face was simply a rare sight behold. It was such a marvel to the point where it pricked at Xiao Ning's eyes. Lu Yan then continued, "Did you know, that he wasn't even into guys before being with me either?"Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming.That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples."But doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable?" Xia Li seemed to be struggling with this issue, always circling back to it in his queries. "Oh, what I mean is, do you like girls, perhaps?""No, uh... it's just... I just think the relationship between the to of you is really good. But one day I went into another bedroom, and the clothes inside it didn't look like Lu Yan's." Xia Li lips were drawn into a smile, the meaning behind it held was profound, but he didn't actually want for Xiao Ning to answer that question at all, so in addition he asked, "How long has it been since Lu Yan realised he was...""But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming.That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.Deep down he didn't think there was merit in showing off how close his relationship to Lu Yan actually was since he was never a show off to begin with. So the only thing he felt was pain from the distress and frustration from the embarrassment, as it made it seem as though he had taken something he had no right to take, and he should make the decision to return it. "After we graduated university, he told me he got a boyfriend for the first time. Xia Li, the truth is that I'm just staying with Lu Yan temporarily. It's only because he saw that I wasn't making as much money as him, so he gave me a room in which to stay rent free out of the goodness of his heart. That's all there is to it. This right now, is a special situation, because usually when Lu Yan starts dating, I don't have any contact with him unless it's regarding something important."What right do I have to hate him anyhow?"You really are a good person." Xia Li sighed, adding, "If it were me, I wouldn't have the extra time to go get breakfast for someone else so early."Until NowAt his question, Xiao Ning held onto the cup in his hand firmly, his gaze then moving to focus on Xiao Li's. Xia Li's eyes glanced away in avoidance at first, but immediately came back to meet his own very seriously, his persistence clear.In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy."XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you.""Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact.""Because when he's enamoured he forgets all about his friends." Xiao Ning smiled playfully, feeling his face stiffen somewhat yet he continued, "Truthfully, though, Lu Yan prefers his private time with his partner, and I'm quite aware of this fact."..."I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."Xiao Ning couldn't put his finger on exactly why his thoughts were so messed up now of all times, and all he wanted to do was go find somewhere nice and quiet to gain some solace. But, sadly, he still had to go accompany Lu Yan's boyfriend.When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined.Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy."Huh?" Lu Yan regained his senses, a knit forming between his brows. It was as if there was something he couldn't figure out. "Xiao'Ning, I'm going to be honest with you. I think that Xia Li is different."Seeing this, Xiao Ning felt something was wrong, having no choice but to lean slightly towards him, "Lu Yan?"He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"Was I also like this once?Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."What right do I have to hate him anyhow?"Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future.""Let's not talk about me." Xiao Ning quickly changed the topic, "Actually, this is the first time I've ever participated in one of your romantic affairs, Lu Yan.""No, I didn't." Xiao Ning stated bluntly, then asked, "So what?"Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.Hide?No, definitely not.This is moment right here, was precisely one of the reasons why Xiao Ning never wanted to be in contact with any of Lu Yan's partners. The girlfriends were fine, but if it was a boyfriend, he ended up being equated to Lu Yan'sunclear confidantT/n: more than a friend, but less than a lover.What right do I have to hate him anyhow?Lu Yan tilted his head back, rubbing his temples in a minor act of frustration as he explained, "I'm not sure. I just feel like I really like him. He's kind of a contradiction, you know? It's really easy for him to act all shy, but he doesn't hide his true feelings one bit either. I just find him incredibly interesting.""Like you said before, he is my friend." Xiao Ning however didn't mention that Lu Yan's love affairs with men were no different than him playing with anything he found interesting, let alone mentioning that regardless of him being serious or not, just being seen by those two old folks of the Lu Yan household was already failing the test.He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen."All of a sudden at that moment, Xiao Ning felt he was getting old. Or to be more precise, that he was becoming tired. Always doing things on his own that no on knows of that just seems to be a never-ending cycle of struggle with not one trace of hope to be found. All of it making him practically drained to his core.What right do I have to hate him anyhow?"I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."But then he also suddenly remembered Shan Haiming.That guy's personality was so straightforward, yet he still had to find someone to pretend to be his non-existent boyfriend. Nevertheless, with regard to some things he also had some scruples.He thought of the time back in university, when Lu Yan was so popular a group of students couldn't stand him, and the two of them got jumped by a group of five or six guys quite older them both. They even had to go to the hospital after the incident. There, while Lu Yan was lying on the bed, he had burst out into laughter, saying: "Why are you a bigger nag than my mother? Take care of yourself first, your entire face is all scratched up and swollen.""Ah, Lu Yan has lived as a young master since he was a child, and I spent my life being an errand boy for the likes of him. It's just that I'm just used to it, that's all." After saying this, Xiao Ning took a sip of his coffee, unable to taste any of the flavour. "Besides, I think I'll be free from doing so in the future."After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."What about this should I be happy about?"Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away."In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy.After saying this, he then feigned a sigh then continued, "An ill-fated relationship, it is."It was him who chose to not do anything. It was him who chose to keep his mouth shut. All so he could instead simply stand on the sidelines, and from there, watch everything unfold.After he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."Xiao Ning gulped, correcting him: "N-no, of course not, I just didn't want to be a third wheel."Yes, this is how it was.It was just so strange to him, as Xiao Ning seemed to have found a secret comrade-in arms. So, as a result of these thoughts running through his mind, he suddenly broke out into a smile, the sight of which made Xia Li simply stunned.Xia Li sputtered out a laugh, saying, "I'm so jealous! I always wanted to have a classmate always with me like that. You two must get along pretty well, right?"He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li.Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later."Seeing the childlike happiness radiating from the side view he had of of Lu Yan's face, made Xiao Ning feel as though there was a hole in his stomach, a hole where something was missing. But, thankfully, the morning breeze had kept blowing through the open window beside him, and for a while, it seemed to have cooled everything down.Those two old people had a son in their later years, so he was a bit spoiled to say the least. However, Lu Anguo's fatheras in, Lu Yan's grandfatherwas a old revolutionary from the war to resist US aggression andaid KoreaKorean War, 1950. Hence, Lu Yan had received the traditional ideological style of education. And because of this, despite loving their son, he was still punished when it came to his studies, meaning, Lu Yan was often beaten. Lu Yan experienced a bit or freedom when it came to his private life, but he didn't really grow up crocked due to his grandfather, more or less, keeping him under control. Let alone Lu Yan, even Xiao Ning was a little afraid of Lu Anguo. The man was a good person, but he was just far too serious."Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men."Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"N/AAfter he said that, he seemed to realise what he had said, proceeding to stick out his tongue before wearing a smile all innocent and embarrassed-like as he corrected, "I didn't really mean anything else by that, though."Those words of Xiao Ning's were however regretted before they finished passing his lips. His well kept secret was just completely exposed. Now fraught with emotion, he felt a tremor erupting throughout his body.When all is said and done, Xia Li was young, so there was so much pureness in his eyes. Furthermore, when the light leaked into them, they seemed to be ignited, making them appear very beautiful as they shined.Maybe this is what Lu Yan is so fond of with this boy.Surprised, Xia Li asked, "Why?"What about this should I be happy about?What could he do now? Say he has a girlfriend, perhaps? But where could he find a close female friend? All he had was a ready-made boyfriend. For the sake of not making Lu Yan's lover feel complicated towards him, he ended up causing trouble to Lu Yan. So now Xiao Ning had no choice but to restrain his careful nature, doing what he must to clear up this present situation.He thought of that time someone had said mean things behind his back in class, and how Lu Yan had dumped a bottle of water on them in retaliation before proudly tell him: "School tuition isn't a big deal, okay? You can just study your butt off and earn a scholarship, and you can also just eat together with me. It'll be my treat, it's no problem at all. Besides, my folks really like you, plus, I already told them about it and they said they want to help you. Come have dinner at my house tonight, okay?"In this world, there really isn't anyone who has it easy."Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"iana: him smiling while thinking about Shan Haiming is adorable."Alright. I'm was indebted to you in my last life it seems." Xiao Ning then teased, "But don't you realise, with how fast you change partners, I'm afraid I might call someone the wrong name by accident and cause you a troublesome scene? By the way, how long will this one last anyhow. I at least want to prepare my heart."It was far too early for them to begin shopping, so Lu Yan dropped them off on a commercial street before heading to his company to make the final preparations for the business meeting he had that afternoon. After he left, Xiao Ning dazedly took Xia Li to a Starbucks and ordered them two cups of coffee.The words he spoke was exceedingly doubtful, and Xiao Ning's lips finally found themselves parting, revealing on his face a full smile. "I seriously never expected you to still be this pure and simple. Is this kind of like a virgin complex or whatever?"But life really is something else, it seems. As who would've thought this person, of all people, would be the first to know about his sexuality."Um..." Xiao Ning thought about it seriously, honestly replyng, "I think... I may like men.""XiaoNing?" Lu Yan finally noticed something was off. "Are you on your period or something? Why are you talking like that? I'm seriously discussing a problem I'm dealing with, with you.""Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?""He really is too much." Xia Li now wore a smile. His gaze aimed at Xiao Ning showing traces of suspicion, seeming as though he was assessing whether Xiao Ning was telling the truth or lies. He also appeared to be wondering if Xiao Ning and Lu Yan were having an affair, and even went on to ponder if Xiao Ning could just bear it if in fact Lu Yan was treating him like this. "Then you are very open-minded. You're even okay knowing your friend is gay."However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.It's... already been this long, huh?Plus, upon examining Xia Li with a straight face, Xiao Ning had to admit he did have some lovable characteristics, but he was still confused about what it was exactly that was so special about him to catch Lu Yan's eye. However, his thoughts of this kind, had made him feel rather disgusted with himself. But that feeling prompting them couldn't be easily wiped away.Xia Li's mouth fell open. He never really expected Xiao Ning to simply admit it, nor decline to do anything to throw off his suspicion.He truly held no hateful feelings towards Xia Li."Hmph." Lu Yan took back his hand. "That's because you always run off to go hide somewhere far away.""Different?" After asking this, Xiao Ning wore faint smile, one to mask the nervousness and caution beneath it. "What do you mean?"When Xiao Ning paid the bill, Xia Li was a bit embarrassed, as he wanted to be the one to pay.Xiao Ning straightened the corners of his lips, slowly turning to face Lu Yan, "I'm just trying to ask you if you're really serious, Lu Yan? Are you really sure?"However, upon seeing the younger man's shocked expression, the pain Xiao Ning felt quickly morphed, and his mood had become a lot better. Constraint and concealment were already inseparable parts of his disposition, but he never once knew how pleasant it had felt to make someone else all choked up. Next time, he has to made it a note he should learn well from Shan Haiming.Meanwhile, Lu Yan answered his phone, "Hey, wait at the gate for a bit, we're coming right now." After hanging up he turned to anxiously to urge Xiao Ning, "I don't care if you're on your period or whatever this is, but I'm warning you, Xiao Ning, don't give Xia Li any attitude later.""I still haven't told Lu Yan about this." Xiao Ning said, raising his brows ever so slightly; with him then calmly adding, "I'm already seeing someone."After he said those words, Xiao Ning himself was surprised at just how cold his tone was as he did. It was unlike him, simply unlike his usual self.
