“I’m rich! Lalala… I’m rich! Lelele!”
I stop for a moment in a victory pose every time I shout ‘I’m rich’ as I dance inside my dungeon.
“Yey, yey, yey. I’m rich! Ooooh, yeah!”
Jumping and dancing, I finally reach the end of the tunnel.
“Oooh, I’m so excited! How long has it been since the last time I thought about improving my dungeon? My little cutie pies, did you miss me? You do? Well, I missed you too.”
I run to the closest mob to hug it…
“Ugh, no, not you! Disgusting…”
But before I wrap my arms around it, I return to my senses and stop. Omg, I almost hugged a Stitched again…
I think it was like this the first time too. A good thing I stopped before it was too late… I don’t want to repeat that experience.
Instead of hugging the Stitched, I instead hug the other closest monster, which happens to be another Stit… I mean, I hug the closest Demonic Swarmer.
They aren’t exactly what one would call ‘beautiful’, with their two heads and twisted body, of which half of it is from an elf and the other half from a dwarf. They’re deformed, grotesque even, but they’re beautiful compared to a Stitched.
I stretch its two cheeks as far as I can. It has two heads, so I can stretch one with each of my hands.
“Did you miss me, baby? You didn’t? But I did…” I wipe the imaginary tear from my face. “It’s been soo long since we could spend some time together. Almost two weeks! Have you been lonely? You did? Well, I’m rich now, so I’m going to add a lot more friends for you to play with! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
Sometimes, I think it’d be more interesting if they actually reacted to my actions. Then, I realize it would be terrifying if they did, and stop thinking about crazy things for a short while.
“Also, there are a lot of players raring to come and play with you all, I’m sure you won’t feel lonely anymore. Yeah, even if we don’t see each other ever again…”
I release the Demonic Swarmer and it resumes its shambling across the giant cavern.
“Now, what should I do? I’m not sure yet, I didn’t have too much time to think about it. Hmm…”
Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to tell you. The cp I have right now is 29.754 cp exactly. It’s so close to 30k… I’m only a few short.
“Where did I save it… Oh, here it is! My to-do list.”
I open the file and a text list appears in front of me. This is the ‘Things to do in the future’ list, where I write every idea I come up with, crazy or not.
…I know what you’re thinking! When I say crazy, it’s the idea, not me.
I scroll downwards, trying to reach the end… Fuck, it’s interminable!
“No, no, no. My ‘Things to do in the future’ list is too long,” I say as I close it,” I don’t want to read it because it’s scary.”
Let’s see if I remember some of the stuff that was on it. Hmm… There’s so much stuff written on it that I’m sure whatever I come up with now is there too. Guessing right won’t be a problem at all! Ain’t I a genius!?
First, it should be to increase the number of certain units, like the Demonic Swarmer. There are only nine of them right now. Having only nine in a dungeon this big, even if all of them are in the same place, is kind of lame. What swarm is composed of only nine creatures? None that I know.
Then there were those new units I unlocked some time ago: the Fleshlings. As well as any other creatures I might be able to unlock now.
Talking about new stuff... I leveled up during the tournament! I’m now player level 6. This is the message I received when I leveled up.
| Reached player level 6! |
| - Advanced units unlocked - Advanced dungeon elements unlocked - Maximum invaders in a party raised to 3 - Received 5 x Stasis chamber - Received 1 x Gant stasis chamber - Received 5.000 cp |
So… yes. It’s easy to understand why the tournament was capped at level 5 and not any other level. It’s because of the advanced units and dungeon elements.
What are the advanced units, you ask? They’re stronger units than the ones I could unlock until now. I haven’t taken a look yet, but Ricard already told me I would be able to unlock new monsters that are a fusion of three monsters instead of only two.
The second one, the advanced dungeon elements are complex stuff I can now add to the dungeon itself. It’s stuff like teleporting crystals/circles, moving walls and floors, and other similar stuff. With them, I can make a very difficult dungeon to navigate if I want to, which maybe I will… But not now, in the future.
Similar to the other time, another, huh… perk? of reaching level 6 is that now up to three players can invade my dungeon at the same time.
“Yaay, what a good thing it is for me!”
It isn’t an advantage at all for me, but with the stronger monsters and the more complex dungeon layout, it makes sense to increase the maximum number of invaders to three.
The last three rewards are pretty much self-explanatory. That 5.000 cp is also part of the reason I now have so much cp. And I got a bunch of Stasis chambers as well as a Giant stasis chamber! If I sum the costs to build them to 5.000 cp, the actual reward is 5.750 cp.
I asked Ricard about it, and it turns out most factions only receive the normal cp award and no resources.
This means the Flesh Monstrosities players receive a bonus with each level up, one which most other factions don’t. It’s quite a lot of extra bonus if you ask me. Then again, if you take into account we can’t do shit if we don’t have enough stasis chambers, it turns out it isn’t that great…
“Focus, Andreu, focus!” I slap my face. “Let’s return to the list of stuff to do.”
I reply to myself. “Sir, yes, sir!”
Where was I…? Ah, yes. New monsters and stuff. I’ll take a look at them later. The list comes first.
The last thing I want to do is to add new and more dungeon areas. To make the dungeon more dangerous, crazier, bigger, and deadlier! Fufufu! Hahaha!
But first…
“I must take a look at how many bodies I have before I plan anything. Let’s go take a look!”
I quickly teleport to the Storage Area, also called ‘the place where I keep all bodies inside the stasis chambers’, and take a look around. But what I see makes me want to cry.
“None… There are none!” I drop to my knees and pull the fur on my head. “I don’t have anything to work with, what am I supposed to do!?”
In fact, most of the Stasis chambers are filled except for the small ones, the ones that can only contain critters. But all the bodies I can see are from the fucking human Farmers! The most standard, vanilla, and in my case, useless unit of them all!
“Fucking humans! I hate them so much! Why are almost all the bodies I have from them? No, no, it can’t be. There must be something else…”
I frantically look through the rest of the stasis chambers.
“Why!? Why do I have so many humans? The only other units I have are two goblins, an orc, and an elf… Why do I have more than forty fucking useless humans?”
I anxiously scratch my head as I try to make sense of the situation.
“I can swear I never captured a single one, so how comes I have so many… Oh, shit, I know! It’s because of the random captures from the Silent Kidnappers!”
I remember I had to remove the Silent Kidnappers from my dungeon so they stopped capturing useless units. At first, they were capturing lots of them, and I used those that were useful: the dwarves, elves, goblins, and orcs. The humans kept accumulating without me using them, and now they’re the only ones remaining.
If you’re asking why most of the captured units were from those four factions is because the Iron Shield (humans), the Sylvans (elves), the Stone Lords (dwarves), and the Savage Horde (orcs) are the four factions for beginners.
Well, in fact, there’s a fifth ‘noob’ faction and it’s the Eternals (undead). But I can’t capture any ‘non-living’ units, so they don’t count.
The thing is that my dungeon is still an easy one. By easy I mean it’s still a low-level dungeon. A lot of my invaders are noobs too, and most noobs use one of those factions.
The other players that invade my dungeon, those that want to demonstrate they’re better than the noob players, are so high-leveled it’s close to impossible for my Silent Kidnappers to capture any of their support units.
In general, those high-leveled players crush everything related to combat… though they still die if they fall for the traps and gimmicks.
In summary, most units I got during that time were humans, dwarves, elves, orcs, or goblins, and I used the ‘good’ bodies for my units when I needed them. In the end, only the garbage - aka the humans - remained.
“Fucking humans! Why can’t they go extinct? The world would be so much better without them…”
As I continue to spout bullshit, I think about what can I do with these, these… useless bodies.
“Two goblins, one orc, one elf, and a bunch of useless humans I need to get rid of. But I can’t simply throw them away, so I have to use them for something…”
I really hate we can’t dump bodies, but it’s necessary to limit the Flesh Monstrosities; otherwise, we could capture randomly in our dungeon and don’t have to worry about useless ones.
We can already create the strongest units thanks to the fusion mechanics… if we didn’t have any limits or trouble obtaining the bodies, the faction would be too OP.
“There’s also one basic unit from the celestial faction and those two basic units from the Abyss faction I don’t want to waste.”
Though I can’t remember the name of either unit, they’re too precious and uncommon to waste just to get rid of some humans. For very different reasons.
The celestial one because most celestial dungeons are too high-leveled for me to go and freely capture stuff. I’m incredibly lucky a Silent Kidnapper managed to capture one.
And the other ones, the Abyss ones, it’s because I really, really, really don’t want to go into one of their dungeons unless it’s absolutely, absolutely, absolutely necessary.
I repeat the words three times because it's very, very, very important.
In short, I’ll keep them for as long as I need until I find a use for them, hoping I’ll never have to enter an Abyss dungeon again.
By the way, the abyss units are from that time my little sister got angry at me for something stupid I did and decided to dive into my dungeon, film everything, and upload it to the DMA forums so that players could have an easy time invading my dungeon.
She knew how to move through my dungeon safely because I’d told her about all of my dungeon’s traps, monsters, and other stuff. She wanted to screw me up with this.
Spoiler: it didn’t work.
She did reach the end of my dungeon and uploaded the video, but those players who tried to imitate her died anyway, without ever reaching the end.
“Oh, there’s also the troll I captured when I was thinking about my first Boss… I didn’t use it in the end.”
When I was planning the first Boss, the first idea that came to my mind was to use a troll and give it a high HP pool as well as regeneration, but then I came up with a nastier idea and created the Minitaur Queen.
“The only way I have to get rid of useless bodies is to use them to create Fleshlings. Hmm… what can I do with the bodies I have at hand? Can I make any good combination?”
“...I’m sure you know by now, but there are five factions that are considerably easier than the others, especially at the beginning. This is because they have easy access to their special resource, which means they can progress a lot faster than the other factions. Most players that want to start fast, pick one of these five and switch to another one they like more when they are at a higher level.
Do you want to know which factions they are? They are these five:
The Iron Shield, or the humans, only need to create a bunch of farms to increase the number of Farmers, their basic unit. That’s why they’re so succulent for the undead: they always have lots of weak units.
The dwarves, the Stone Lords, are similar but work with metal and mines instead of farms, though their units aren’t automatically created.
The Sylvans or elves obtain it passively depending on the number of trees in their dungeon. There are also other conditions, but this is the basic gist of it.
Then comes the Savage Horde, the orcs, goblins, etc. They obtain their special resource by attacking and getting hit, that’s why they prefer melee over ranged combat. In general, the more the battle lasts, the more they obtain.
And of course, the best of them all is the Eternals, or undead if you like. We only need to kill other units to obtain our special resource, called Souls. It’s so easy! As long as they aren’t constructs, everything counts! Mmm, juicy, tasty souls…!
As you can see, they’re considered easy because they obtain their resource passively, or it’s incredibly easy to obtain, even if you do nothing and wait for other players to invade your dungeon.
Any other faction has a lot more trouble obtaining their special resource.
I must say you did choose badly when it came to this because the Flesh Monstrosities are the worst of them all… you need to actually go into a specific dungeon to not only find but also capture the unit you want before it dies. You have to prepare so much and think ahead for everything you want to do before you can put it into action…”
- Random ‘knowledge drilling’ done by Ricard. Andreu was sure he did it on purpose, to rub salt into the wound.
“I’m rich! Lalala… I’m rich! Lelele!”
I stop for a moment in a victory pose every time I shout ‘I’m rich’ as I dance inside my dungeon.
“Yey, yey, yey. I’m rich! Ooooh, yeah!”
Jumping and dancing, I finally reach the end of the tunnel.
“Oooh, I’m so excited! How long has it been since the last time I thought about improving my dungeon? My little cutie pies, did you miss me? You do? Well, I missed you too.”
I run to the closest mob to hug it…
“Ugh, no, not you! Disgusting…”
But before I wrap my arms around it, I return to my senses and stop. Omg, I almost hugged a Stitched again…
I think it was like this the first time too. A good thing I stopped before it was too late… I don’t want to repeat that experience.
Instead of hugging the Stitched, I instead hug the other closest monster, which happens to be another Stit… I mean, I hug the closest Demonic Swarmer.
They aren’t exactly what one would call ‘beautiful’, with their two heads and twisted body, of which half of it is from an elf and the other half from a dwarf. They’re deformed, grotesque even, but they’re beautiful compared to a Stitched.
I stretch its two cheeks as far as I can. It has two heads, so I can stretch one with each of my hands.
“Did you miss me, baby? You didn’t? But I did…” I wipe the imaginary tear from my face. “It’s been soo long since we could spend some time together. Almost two weeks! Have you been lonely? You did? Well, I’m rich now, so I’m going to add a lot more friends for you to play with! Fufufu! Hahaha!”
Sometimes, I think it’d be more interesting if they actually reacted to my actions. Then, I realize it would be terrifying if they did, and stop thinking about crazy things for a short while.
“Also, there are a lot of players raring to come and play with you all, I’m sure you won’t feel lonely anymore. Yeah, even if we don’t see each other ever again…”
I release the Demonic Swarmer and it resumes its shambling across the giant cavern.
“Now, what should I do? I’m not sure yet, I didn’t have too much time to think about it. Hmm…”
Oh, by the way, I almost forgot to tell you. The cp I have right now is 29.754 cp exactly. It’s so close to 30k… I’m only a few short.
“Where did I save it… Oh, here it is! My to-do list.”
I open the file and a text list appears in front of me. This is the ‘Things to do in the future’ list, where I write every idea I come up with, crazy or not.
…I know what you’re thinking! When I say crazy, it’s the idea, not me.
I scroll downwards, trying to reach the end… Fuck, it’s interminable!
“No, no, no. My ‘Things to do in the future’ list is too long,” I say as I close it,” I don’t want to read it because it’s scary.”
Let’s see if I remember some of the stuff that was on it. Hmm… There’s so much stuff written on it that I’m sure whatever I come up with now is there too. Guessing right won’t be a problem at all! Ain’t I a genius!?
First, it should be to increase the number of certain units, like the Demonic Swarmer. There are only nine of them right now. Having only nine in a dungeon this big, even if all of them are in the same place, is kind of lame. What swarm is composed of only nine creatures? None that I know.
Then there were those new units I unlocked some time ago: the Fleshlings. As well as any other creatures I might be able to unlock now.
Talking about new stuff... I leveled up during the tournament! I’m now player level 6. This is the message I received when I leveled up.
| Reached player level 6! |
| - Advanced units unlocked - Advanced dungeon elements unlocked - Maximum invaders in a party raised to 3 - Received 5 x Stasis chamber - Received 1 x Gant stasis chamber - Received 5.000 cp |
So… yes. It’s easy to understand why the tournament was capped at level 5 and not any other level. It’s because of the advanced units and dungeon elements.
What are the advanced units, you ask? They’re stronger units than the ones I could unlock until now. I haven’t taken a look yet, but Ricard already told me I would be able to unlock new monsters that are a fusion of three monsters instead of only two.
The second one, the advanced dungeon elements are complex stuff I can now add to the dungeon itself. It’s stuff like teleporting crystals/circles, moving walls and floors, and other similar stuff. With them, I can make a very difficult dungeon to navigate if I want to, which maybe I will… But not now, in the future.
Similar to the other time, another, huh… perk? of reaching level 6 is that now up to three players can invade my dungeon at the same time.
“Yaay, what a good thing it is for me!”
It isn’t an advantage at all for me, but with the stronger monsters and the more complex dungeon layout, it makes sense to increase the maximum number of invaders to three.
The last three rewards are pretty much self-explanatory. That 5.000 cp is also part of the reason I now have so much cp. And I got a bunch of Stasis chambers as well as a Giant stasis chamber! If I sum the costs to build them to 5.000 cp, the actual reward is 5.750 cp.
I asked Ricard about it, and it turns out most factions only receive the normal cp award and no resources.
This means the Flesh Monstrosities players receive a bonus with each level up, one which most other factions don’t. It’s quite a lot of extra bonus if you ask me. Then again, if you take into account we can’t do shit if we don’t have enough stasis chambers, it turns out it isn’t that great…
“Focus, Andreu, focus!” I slap my face. “Let’s return to the list of stuff to do.”
I reply to myself. “Sir, yes, sir!”
Where was I…? Ah, yes. New monsters and stuff. I’ll take a look at them later. The list comes first.
The last thing I want to do is to add new and more dungeon areas. To make the dungeon more dangerous, crazier, bigger, and deadlier! Fufufu! Hahaha!
But first…
“I must take a look at how many bodies I have before I plan anything. Let’s go take a look!”
I quickly teleport to the Storage Area, also called ‘the place where I keep all bodies inside the stasis chambers’, and take a look around. But what I see makes me want to cry.
“None… There are none!” I drop to my knees and pull the fur on my head. “I don’t have anything to work with, what am I supposed to do!?”
In fact, most of the Stasis chambers are filled except for the small ones, the ones that can only contain critters. But all the bodies I can see are from the fucking human Farmers! The most standard, vanilla, and in my case, useless unit of them all!
“Fucking humans! I hate them so much! Why are almost all the bodies I have from them? No, no, it can’t be. There must be something else…”
I frantically look through the rest of the stasis chambers.
“Why!? Why do I have so many humans? The only other units I have are two goblins, an orc, and an elf… Why do I have more than forty fucking useless humans?”
I anxiously scratch my head as I try to make sense of the situation.
“I can swear I never captured a single one, so how comes I have so many… Oh, shit, I know! It’s because of the random captures from the Silent Kidnappers!”
I remember I had to remove the Silent Kidnappers from my dungeon so they stopped capturing useless units. At first, they were capturing lots of them, and I used those that were useful: the dwarves, elves, goblins, and orcs. The humans kept accumulating without me using them, and now they’re the only ones remaining.
If you’re asking why most of the captured units were from those four factions is because the Iron Shield (humans), the Sylvans (elves), the Stone Lords (dwarves), and the Savage Horde (orcs) are the four factions for beginners.
Well, in fact, there’s a fifth ‘noob’ faction and it’s the Eternals (undead). But I can’t capture any ‘non-living’ units, so they don’t count.
The thing is that my dungeon is still an easy one. By easy I mean it’s still a low-level dungeon. A lot of my invaders are noobs too, and most noobs use one of those factions.
The other players that invade my dungeon, those that want to demonstrate they’re better than the noob players, are so high-leveled it’s close to impossible for my Silent Kidnappers to capture any of their support units.
In general, those high-leveled players crush everything related to combat… though they still die if they fall for the traps and gimmicks.
In summary, most units I got during that time were humans, dwarves, elves, orcs, or goblins, and I used the ‘good’ bodies for my units when I needed them. In the end, only the garbage - aka the humans - remained.
“Fucking humans! Why can’t they go extinct? The world would be so much better without them…”
As I continue to spout bullshit, I think about what can I do with these, these… useless bodies.
“Two goblins, one orc, one elf, and a bunch of useless humans I need to get rid of. But I can’t simply throw them away, so I have to use them for something…”
I really hate we can’t dump bodies, but it’s necessary to limit the Flesh Monstrosities; otherwise, we could capture randomly in our dungeon and don’t have to worry about useless ones.
We can already create the strongest units thanks to the fusion mechanics… if we didn’t have any limits or trouble obtaining the bodies, the faction would be too OP.
“There’s also one basic unit from the celestial faction and those two basic units from the Abyss faction I don’t want to waste.”
Though I can’t remember the name of either unit, they’re too precious and uncommon to waste just to get rid of some humans. For very different reasons.
The celestial one because most celestial dungeons are too high-leveled for me to go and freely capture stuff. I’m incredibly lucky a Silent Kidnapper managed to capture one.
And the other ones, the Abyss ones, it’s because I really, really, really don’t want to go into one of their dungeons unless it’s absolutely, absolutely, absolutely necessary.
I repeat the words three times because it's very, very, very important.
In short, I’ll keep them for as long as I need until I find a use for them, hoping I’ll never have to enter an Abyss dungeon again.
By the way, the abyss units are from that time my little sister got angry at me for something stupid I did and decided to dive into my dungeon, film everything, and upload it to the DMA forums so that players could have an easy time invading my dungeon.
She knew how to move through my dungeon safely because I’d told her about all of my dungeon’s traps, monsters, and other stuff. She wanted to screw me up with this.
Spoiler: it didn’t work.
She did reach the end of my dungeon and uploaded the video, but those players who tried to imitate her died anyway, without ever reaching the end.
“Oh, there’s also the troll I captured when I was thinking about my first Boss… I didn’t use it in the end.”
When I was planning the first Boss, the first idea that came to my mind was to use a troll and give it a high HP pool as well as regeneration, but then I came up with a nastier idea and created the Minitaur Queen.
“The only way I have to get rid of useless bodies is to use them to create Fleshlings. Hmm… what can I do with the bodies I have at hand? Can I make any good combination?”
“...I’m sure you know by now, but there are five factions that are considerably easier than the others, especially at the beginning. This is because they have easy access to their special resource, which means they can progress a lot faster than the other factions. Most players that want to start fast, pick one of these five and switch to another one they like more when they are at a higher level.
Do you want to know which factions they are? They are these five:
The Iron Shield, or the humans, only need to create a bunch of farms to increase the number of Farmers, their basic unit. That’s why they’re so succulent for the undead: they always have lots of weak units.
The dwarves, the Stone Lords, are similar but work with metal and mines instead of farms, though their units aren’t automatically created.
The Sylvans or elves obtain it passively depending on the number of trees in their dungeon. There are also other conditions, but this is the basic gist of it.
Then comes the Savage Horde, the orcs, goblins, etc. They obtain their special resource by attacking and getting hit, that’s why they prefer melee over ranged combat. In general, the more the battle lasts, the more they obtain.
And of course, the best of them all is the Eternals, or undead if you like. We only need to kill other units to obtain our special resource, called Souls. It’s so easy! As long as they aren’t constructs, everything counts! Mmm, juicy, tasty souls…!
As you can see, they’re considered easy because they obtain their resource passively, or it’s incredibly easy to obtain, even if you do nothing and wait for other players to invade your dungeon.
Any other faction has a lot more trouble obtaining their special resource.
I must say you did choose badly when it came to this because the Flesh Monstrosities are the worst of them all… you need to actually go into a specific dungeon to not only find but also capture the unit you want before it dies. You have to prepare so much and think ahead for everything you want to do before you can put it into action…”
- Random ‘knowledge drilling’ done by Ricard. Andreu was sure he did it on purpose, to rub salt into the wound.
