My Elder Sister died this way.
That year I was 7 years old, Elder Sister was 17 years old.
That day was Elder Sister's birthday.
During that time, the atmosphere at home had been very strange. Although I was still little, I wasn't stupid. Mom secretly cried when she thought I wasn't looking. Elder Sister stayed in her room all day and didn't come out. Dad was home for longer than usual, which was rare.
Grandmother no longer nagged about unimportant things. She was more self-righteous than ever in scolding Mom: "What use is a woman who can only earn a little money? You didn't teach your daughter well and now she's brought shame to the Liu family."
She would also openly mock Elder Sister: "Pearl, pearl, you have to love yourself to be a pearl. If you don't love yourself you'll have wasted the name Pearl."
When Grandmother wasn't around, Mom and Dad would close the door and fight. They would howl and cry in the room without even eating.
Elder Sister would just silently cook and then silently throw away the barely touched food, washing the dishes alone with her back to me.
She hadn't spoken properly to me for over ten days now. She was pale and thin, her school uniform hung loosely on her body like it was draped over a doll.
Everything was very abnormal, but everyone was keeping it from me.
On Elder Sister's birthday, I used my pocket money savings to buy her a light purple birthday card with dark purple flowers on it. I didn't know what flowers they were back then, I just knew Elder Sister liked them.
After school, I didn't wait for Grandmother to pick me up. I wore my schoolbag on my front like Mom did whenever she came home from the bank after withdrawing money - after all, I was also carrying a fortune.
There was a stationery store in front of the school that had many beautiful cards. I knew Elder Sister would like this one as soon as I saw it.
I carefully wrote my birthday wishes, using pinyin for the Chinese characters I didn't know how to write.
No one was home, including Elder Sister who hadn't gone out recently. I secretly snuck into Elder Sister's room and hid in her wardrobe, just like what she would do on my birthdays - jumping out from the wardrobe to surprise me, then giving me a present to make me happy.
I hid very carefully until the door opened and someone came in - it was Elder Sister. I watched her through the gap.
Suddenly someone started pounding loudly on Elder Sister's door.
Bang bang bang, bang bang bang...
It kept banging for a long time.
Elder Sister had taught me that knocking like this was rude.
So I saw Elder Sister cover her ears and curl up on the bed.
But I could hear Dad yelling outside: "Niuniu, let's forget about it and not sue anymore okay? Dad will take you and your sister to Hangzhou, how about that?"
Elder Sister didn't reply.
"You can go to school in Hangzhou from now on. Dad will take you to see West Lake, wasn't that what you wanted most, to see Lady White Snake?"
"And Broken Bridge and Thunder Peak Pagoda, we'll go on a boat tour together."
Elder Sister stayed silent, but I could see she had put her hands down so she must have heard Dad's words. Yet she bit down hard on her lip, and a muffled sob escaped from her throat.
I saw Elder Sister gasping for breath like a sick person, so she would open her mouth wide every now and then to gulp in air, then quickly cover her mouth again when she was about to cry out, with large teardrops rolling down her pale cheeks.
I didn't dare scare her. I was terrified.
So I quietly crawled out of the wardrobe and onto her bed.
"Elder Sister," I put my arms around her neck, "Happy birthday Elder Sister."
Elder Sister hugged me back, burying her head in my shoulder. Her head felt very heavy, pressing uncomfortably on me.
But I didn't want to move, because Elder Sister was crying into my shoulder like a fountain.
I could still hear Mom and Dad arguing, blaming each other.
"It's all your fault, all you do is make money day and night, you're away from home for half a year at a time, leaving everything at home for me to handle..."
"How is it my fault, it's because you didn't raise our daughter well as her mother, that's why someone was able to trick Niuniu..."
"Niuniu said they were just friends, he tricked her..."
"Niuniu said, Niuniu said, then how did their lawyer produce love letters Niuniu wrote to him?"
"Those weren't love letters, they were assignments he made me copy out. I didn't write those as love letters to him, he lied..." I didn't realize when Elder Sister had stopped crying and sat up, also listening to our parents fight.
I snuggled into her arms and looked up at her, "Elder Sister, what's wrong?"
"Younger sister, do you believe me? I'm not lying, he tricked me..." Elder Sister's eyes burned like fire.
"Elder Sister, I believe you. You never lie, I know that best..."
"What should I do? How could this happen, what should I do?" Elder Sister held me tightly in her arms.
After that the house descended into chaos, because Grandmother hadn't picked me up so she rushed back in a panic. Everyone was in the living room, frantically yelling and looking for me.
I really wanted to yell out that I was home, but Elder Sister was holding me as we slept soundly. Her arms hugged me firmly and I fell asleep along with her.
When I woke up it was already the next morning. Elder Sister wasn't in bed or anywhere in the house. Mom and Dad were also gone.
Only our neighbor Aunt Huang told me that my Elder Sister had died, just last night, in that small pond.
My Elder Sister died this way.
That year I was 7 years old, Elder Sister was 17 years old.
That day was Elder Sister's birthday.
During that time, the atmosphere at home had been very strange. Although I was still little, I wasn't stupid. Mom secretly cried when she thought I wasn't looking. Elder Sister stayed in her room all day and didn't come out. Dad was home for longer than usual, which was rare.
Grandmother no longer nagged about unimportant things. She was more self-righteous than ever in scolding Mom: "What use is a woman who can only earn a little money? You didn't teach your daughter well and now she's brought shame to the Liu family."
She would also openly mock Elder Sister: "Pearl, pearl, you have to love yourself to be a pearl. If you don't love yourself you'll have wasted the name Pearl."
When Grandmother wasn't around, Mom and Dad would close the door and fight. They would howl and cry in the room without even eating.
Elder Sister would just silently cook and then silently throw away the barely touched food, washing the dishes alone with her back to me.
She hadn't spoken properly to me for over ten days now. She was pale and thin, her school uniform hung loosely on her body like it was draped over a doll.
Everything was very abnormal, but everyone was keeping it from me.
On Elder Sister's birthday, I used my pocket money savings to buy her a light purple birthday card with dark purple flowers on it. I didn't know what flowers they were back then, I just knew Elder Sister liked them.
After school, I didn't wait for Grandmother to pick me up. I wore my schoolbag on my front like Mom did whenever she came home from the bank after withdrawing money - after all, I was also carrying a fortune.
There was a stationery store in front of the school that had many beautiful cards. I knew Elder Sister would like this one as soon as I saw it.
I carefully wrote my birthday wishes, using pinyin for the Chinese characters I didn't know how to write.
No one was home, including Elder Sister who hadn't gone out recently. I secretly snuck into Elder Sister's room and hid in her wardrobe, just like what she would do on my birthdays - jumping out from the wardrobe to surprise me, then giving me a present to make me happy.
I hid very carefully until the door opened and someone came in - it was Elder Sister. I watched her through the gap.
Suddenly someone started pounding loudly on Elder Sister's door.
Bang bang bang, bang bang bang...
It kept banging for a long time.
Elder Sister had taught me that knocking like this was rude.
So I saw Elder Sister cover her ears and curl up on the bed.
But I could hear Dad yelling outside: "Niuniu, let's forget about it and not sue anymore okay? Dad will take you and your sister to Hangzhou, how about that?"
Elder Sister didn't reply.
"You can go to school in Hangzhou from now on. Dad will take you to see West Lake, wasn't that what you wanted most, to see Lady White Snake?"
"And Broken Bridge and Thunder Peak Pagoda, we'll go on a boat tour together."
Elder Sister stayed silent, but I could see she had put her hands down so she must have heard Dad's words. Yet she bit down hard on her lip, and a muffled sob escaped from her throat.
I saw Elder Sister gasping for breath like a sick person, so she would open her mouth wide every now and then to gulp in air, then quickly cover her mouth again when she was about to cry out, with large teardrops rolling down her pale cheeks.
I didn't dare scare her. I was terrified.
So I quietly crawled out of the wardrobe and onto her bed.
"Elder Sister," I put my arms around her neck, "Happy birthday Elder Sister."
Elder Sister hugged me back, burying her head in my shoulder. Her head felt very heavy, pressing uncomfortably on me.
But I didn't want to move, because Elder Sister was crying into my shoulder like a fountain.
I could still hear Mom and Dad arguing, blaming each other.
"It's all your fault, all you do is make money day and night, you're away from home for half a year at a time, leaving everything at home for me to handle..."
"How is it my fault, it's because you didn't raise our daughter well as her mother, that's why someone was able to trick Niuniu..."
"Niuniu said they were just friends, he tricked her..."
"Niuniu said, Niuniu said, then how did their lawyer produce love letters Niuniu wrote to him?"
"Those weren't love letters, they were assignments he made me copy out. I didn't write those as love letters to him, he lied..." I didn't realize when Elder Sister had stopped crying and sat up, also listening to our parents fight.
I snuggled into her arms and looked up at her, "Elder Sister, what's wrong?"
"Younger sister, do you believe me? I'm not lying, he tricked me..." Elder Sister's eyes burned like fire.
"Elder Sister, I believe you. You never lie, I know that best..."
"What should I do? How could this happen, what should I do?" Elder Sister held me tightly in her arms.
After that the house descended into chaos, because Grandmother hadn't picked me up so she rushed back in a panic. Everyone was in the living room, frantically yelling and looking for me.
I really wanted to yell out that I was home, but Elder Sister was holding me as we slept soundly. Her arms hugged me firmly and I fell asleep along with her.
When I woke up it was already the next morning. Elder Sister wasn't in bed or anywhere in the house. Mom and Dad were also gone.
Only our neighbor Aunt Huang told me that my Elder Sister had died, just last night, in that small pond.
