Her face instantly went stony. “False,” she shot back, sharp as a blade.
I sighed. “Okay, I may allow Jax to call me that, but that’s only a pet name. I’m not actually—“
“False,” she insisted again, not listening to me.
“Damn it, Mia. I am not—” I grit my teeth and took a breath. I had already had this conversation once with Jax, and I certainly did not want to have it again. Mostly because I was pretty sure I had lost that argument. “I don’t understand why this is upsetting you, so maybe you had better explain yourself. You are making me sound like some sort of slaver here, and I don’t appreciate that. I would never intentionally—”
“A slaver?” she repeated, cutting me off. Then she quirked an eyebrow. “Implying that I am a slave? How ludicrous! Surely you do not believe that.”
“No, I don’t. Which is why I am objecting here. Unless you mean something else by that word?”
She shivered at my slip, but she did not comment on it. Unusually. “I mean that you are my master, of course. What else could I mean? You are my reason to exist. You are my—” She hesitated, then fell silent.
“Um… okay. I guess. But can you…” I grimaced. Damn it… how do I even articulate this? “I hope you can understand how uncomfortable that sort of talk makes me. I haven’t cast any spells to bind you to me. We haven’t sworn any oaths to each other. So I can’t see anything that would compel you to think of yourself that way. I am not your reason for existing. You should… I don’t know. Have hobbies? Have… have likes and dislikes a-and things that mean something to you that… that have nothing to do with me! You should be able to walk away if you want to… i-if you could. Y-you should want to… to escape!”
Her eyes widened briefly as though alarmed, but then she blinked a few times in confusion. And slowly, a soft little smile curled her lips. “Oh, dear boy. You haven’t understood what a Faen is, have you? But then how could you? You are so very young. You aren’t even from this place. How could you hope understand anything?” She sighed in frustration. Then, seeming deep in thought, she distractedly reached out to stroke my face, but of course I felt nothing. “I am sorry. I do wish I could just explain everything for you but… perhaps, I should try some of it anyway. My creation was far from orthodox, so it could be that my own lack of understanding will help.”
As deeply confused as that last sentence had left me, her own expression was little better. She looked reluctant and frustrated, yet there was a yearning edge to it at the same time. Like she was torn straight down the middle.
She took a breath.
“I am…” She paused expectantly, but whatever she was waiting for did not come. Smiling, she continued with more confidence, “I am an extension of your Will. A piece of you, cut away and given form. Separated perhaps by distance and circumstance but never intent. I can think and feel independently, yet your goals are ever my goals. Your glories and your failures are as my own.”
I stared at her for a short while, not at all sure what to make of that. It seemed unreal and nonsensical on its face. She was decidedly not me in every way that meant anything.
“I… don’t see how that could be,” I argued finally. And I was trying to be tactful. I wanted to say that it was the most idiotic thing I had ever heard. “You… you were Bline. How could you also be me? Or even a part of me?”
She shivered again and fluttered her eyelashes. “Mmm~ Delicious. You make me so wet!” She struggled to master herself for a second before elaborating. “That is only what a Faen normally is. But as I said, our situation is quite unorthodox. Technically, I should be Her Faen. But… She severed me from Herself and attached me to you. It was an… intensely unpleasant and frightening experience. I wonder if you can even imagine what it was like. To be rejected and cut off from everything you are, then thrust into the essence of another.”
I could not. What she was describing was so indescribably foreign, she might as well have asked me to imagine what it was like for the metaphysical concept of ‘puce’ to become a bulldozer.
“That… sounds horrible,” I said.
She favored me with an indulgent smile. “Since then, I have been slowly… dissolving into you. In a sense. I exist within your mind. But the boundaries that define me are weak and insubstantial. There is nothing truly there to separate what you are and what I am. Like an ink blot dropped into water.”
She hesitated, then grimaced, clearly dissatisfied by her own explanation. “Well… no, that metaphor doesn’t work. It’s funny. I’ve never had to explain this before. It’s just been something I’ve always known intuitively.”
I just stared at her, my mouth agape. “I certainly hope it’s better than what you’ve been describing. Because that sounds terrifying.”
She raised a hand to cover her growing smile. “You are afraid? For me? How wonderful!”
Whatever that meant, she did not elaborate. Her eyebrows were already bunching together, her thoughts forming on her face before ever finding her lips. “I suppose I should say… there is a separation between us, but it’s… fuzzy at the edges? Anyway, the only reason I mention it at all is because it is at the core of why I have been changing. The more I accept what I am, the more my form reflects that. Or… that should be the reason. There are many things I still don’t understand.” She reached up to touch her antlers thoughtfully. “Do I still look like… like Her, by any chance?”
Seleroan
Hey there, gentle reader.
Enjoying the content? Well, why not drop by my Patreon? It helps me keep this show running, and allows me to afford great things like editors, cover artists, and food!
Each chapter is now being personalized with some... passable chapter-inspired AI generated art. I try. But it gives things a bit of color. And you can read ahead!
Come on down! We'd love to see you.
Her face instantly went stony. “False,” she shot back, sharp as a blade.
I sighed. “Okay, I may allow Jax to call me that, but that’s only a pet name. I’m not actually—“
“False,” she insisted again, not listening to me.
“Damn it, Mia. I am not—” I grit my teeth and took a breath. I had already had this conversation once with Jax, and I certainly did not want to have it again. Mostly because I was pretty sure I had lost that argument. “I don’t understand why this is upsetting you, so maybe you had better explain yourself. You are making me sound like some sort of slaver here, and I don’t appreciate that. I would never intentionally—”
“A slaver?” she repeated, cutting me off. Then she quirked an eyebrow. “Implying that I am a slave? How ludicrous! Surely you do not believe that.”
“No, I don’t. Which is why I am objecting here. Unless you mean something else by that word?”
She shivered at my slip, but she did not comment on it. Unusually. “I mean that you are my master, of course. What else could I mean? You are my reason to exist. You are my—” She hesitated, then fell silent.
“Um… okay. I guess. But can you…” I grimaced. Damn it… how do I even articulate this? “I hope you can understand how uncomfortable that sort of talk makes me. I haven’t cast any spells to bind you to me. We haven’t sworn any oaths to each other. So I can’t see anything that would compel you to think of yourself that way. I am not your reason for existing. You should… I don’t know. Have hobbies? Have… have likes and dislikes a-and things that mean something to you that… that have nothing to do with me! You should be able to walk away if you want to… i-if you could. Y-you should want to… to escape!”
Her eyes widened briefly as though alarmed, but then she blinked a few times in confusion. And slowly, a soft little smile curled her lips. “Oh, dear boy. You haven’t understood what a Faen is, have you? But then how could you? You are so very young. You aren’t even from this place. How could you hope understand anything?” She sighed in frustration. Then, seeming deep in thought, she distractedly reached out to stroke my face, but of course I felt nothing. “I am sorry. I do wish I could just explain everything for you but… perhaps, I should try some of it anyway. My creation was far from orthodox, so it could be that my own lack of understanding will help.”
As deeply confused as that last sentence had left me, her own expression was little better. She looked reluctant and frustrated, yet there was a yearning edge to it at the same time. Like she was torn straight down the middle.
She took a breath.
“I am…” She paused expectantly, but whatever she was waiting for did not come. Smiling, she continued with more confidence, “I am an extension of your Will. A piece of you, cut away and given form. Separated perhaps by distance and circumstance but never intent. I can think and feel independently, yet your goals are ever my goals. Your glories and your failures are as my own.”
I stared at her for a short while, not at all sure what to make of that. It seemed unreal and nonsensical on its face. She was decidedly not me in every way that meant anything.
“I… don’t see how that could be,” I argued finally. And I was trying to be tactful. I wanted to say that it was the most idiotic thing I had ever heard. “You… you were Bline. How could you also be me? Or even a part of me?”
She shivered again and fluttered her eyelashes. “Mmm~ Delicious. You make me so wet!” She struggled to master herself for a second before elaborating. “That is only what a Faen normally is. But as I said, our situation is quite unorthodox. Technically, I should be Her Faen. But… She severed me from Herself and attached me to you. It was an… intensely unpleasant and frightening experience. I wonder if you can even imagine what it was like. To be rejected and cut off from everything you are, then thrust into the essence of another.”
I could not. What she was describing was so indescribably foreign, she might as well have asked me to imagine what it was like for the metaphysical concept of ‘puce’ to become a bulldozer.
“That… sounds horrible,” I said.
She favored me with an indulgent smile. “Since then, I have been slowly… dissolving into you. In a sense. I exist within your mind. But the boundaries that define me are weak and insubstantial. There is nothing truly there to separate what you are and what I am. Like an ink blot dropped into water.”
She hesitated, then grimaced, clearly dissatisfied by her own explanation. “Well… no, that metaphor doesn’t work. It’s funny. I’ve never had to explain this before. It’s just been something I’ve always known intuitively.”
I just stared at her, my mouth agape. “I certainly hope it’s better than what you’ve been describing. Because that sounds terrifying.”
She raised a hand to cover her growing smile. “You are afraid? For me? How wonderful!”
Whatever that meant, she did not elaborate. Her eyebrows were already bunching together, her thoughts forming on her face before ever finding her lips. “I suppose I should say… there is a separation between us, but it’s… fuzzy at the edges? Anyway, the only reason I mention it at all is because it is at the core of why I have been changing. The more I accept what I am, the more my form reflects that. Or… that should be the reason. There are many things I still don’t understand.” She reached up to touch her antlers thoughtfully. “Do I still look like… like Her, by any chance?”
Seleroan
Hey there, gentle reader.
Enjoying the content? Well, why not drop by my Patreon? It helps me keep this show running, and allows me to afford great things like editors, cover artists, and food!
Each chapter is now being personalized with some... passable chapter-inspired AI generated art. I try. But it gives things a bit of color. And you can read ahead!
Come on down! We'd love to see you.
