“So then… what?” I asked absently, trying to come up with the most likely interpretation. “It makes dirt?”
Lynnria blinked. “Dirt?!”
The moment that single syllable left her mouth, the wand jerked and, with a sound vaguely akin to splork, a wad of lightly moistened soil launched out of the tip with what felt like the approximate force of a shotgun blast. Straight to my chin.
I am not entirely certain what order events took directly following that, but the next few moments of my life involved a lot of agonized screaming from me, a lot of panicked screaming from Lynnria, a lot of orgasmic screaming from Mia, and a lot of unseen Faen suddenly rattling the rafters with their laughter.
And to be fair, if ‘Entry of the Gladiators’ had suddenly begun playing somewhere in the background, I would not have been surprised.
*****
Sometimes it can be the smallest of blessings that one will find themselves latching onto. And I do mean, the very smallest.
The corridor I was currently stumbling through—while long, winding, and seeming without end—did at least have the good grace to be lit just dimly enough to see without straining the eyes over much. And that was wonderful because I had a raging headache.
Actually, I had a lot of things, but that was the latest to join the queue of shit I could do nothing about. As such, it was very much the most pressing thing on my mind. The rest had sort of faded into so much background noise.
Absently, I scratched at my lips. They had started to tingle. I knew I needed to be looking out for signs like that, but I was not sure whether that was from the allegedly poisoned jerky or yet another side-effect of having been shot in the face with particulate soil. Besides the likely concussion I was suffering through—my cheeks and lower jaw were throbbing with the mother of all friction burns—I was pretty sure I was breaking out into a fantastic rash, and half of my beard had been blown clean away.
And if that was not a clear sign I was due for a shave, I did not know what else I needed. I might have been wearing a frayed and ripped skirt, matching tunic, variously-colored paisley bandages, and been bloody and bruised enough to have marched right out of a Mad Max film… but I was not going to be seen in public with mutton chops.
I had my standards. They were battered and weak, but I had them, damn it!
“Dirt!” Lynnria shout-whispered, the resultant thud and subsequent rain of soil falling to the ground behind me far outstripping her command.
I turned to cock an eyebrow at her.
“What?” She straightened and planted her hands on her hips, totally ignoring the mess she had just made. “I’m experimenting. What if I need it for a stealth attack? It might not have responded if I said it quietly.”
I did not reply. I just let my gaze bore into her for another couple of seconds before turning back to resume our trek.
I was not exactly sure what this place was, but that was nothing unusual. All I knew for certain was that it was different than the place we had left. Honestly, it sort of reminded me of walking around backstage in a large auditorium. Dimly lit, not much of anything going on, winding and seemingly endless corridors? It all spoke to some sort of service area.
There had not even been so much as an intersection since we had left that room. And while the ethereal and unchanging mood of the place was starting to weird me out a little, I still wanted to see what was on the other end of this thing before turning back. I did not like our odds against that golem. Dirt-launcher or no.
I mean, what was the wand even going to do? Mildly inconvenience it to death?
My right eye fluttered closed as a wave of pain from my concussed skull passed over me. Okay… maybe it’s not totally useless. I did have an 11 in Toughness now, which was slightly over the natural human maximum. That was probably the only reason I was still on my feet right now.
That and necessity. I knew if it were strictly up to me, I would have preferred a month in a nice hospital bed somewhere. With lots of fancy and unpronounceable painkillers conveniently pumping into my veins.
“How long are you planning on giving me the silent treatment?” Lynnria chirped, and I unconsciously flinched from her abrupt appearance at my side. Then an echoing throb reverberated through my head, protesting the sudden movement.
I whimpered slightly.
“Oh, don’t be that way,” she pouted. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? You know I would never do something like that on purpose.”
I raised a hand weakly to forestall her. “Shhhh… too loud.”
She grimaced apologetically. “Right. Sorry. Again.” Sighing, she slapped the wooden rod into her palm. “Still, you have to admit, it’s a pretty interesting little thing. Now, if I could just get my hands on a sword or something, it would make for a fantastic off-hand weapon. I can just imagine the possibilities.”
I refrained from comment, preferring to let her prattle on.
“I’ve noticed I feel kind of drained after I use it, though,” she continued undeterred. Then she glanced up at me with a thoughtful frown. “Do you think it might be stealing Life Energy when I use it? Like with your spells?”
I sighed. It seemed she was determined to drag me into this conversation whether I liked it or not. Weakly, so as to not move my jaw as much as I could, I murmured, “Drained how?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
I grunted then pointed at her gut. “Feel hungry?”
“Well…” She paused to consider it. “I haven’t eaten since I escaped from the island, so yeah, I guess so.”
I glared at her, half-considering just taking the blasted wand and answering the question once and for all myself, but then my rationality slapped my impatience back into the corner where it belonged. Like the hell I had the resources for that kind of nonsense. I would not have been suffering this crap otherwise. In fact, I had half a mind to just down the stick of jerky and damn the consequences.
Hell, the lilim would probably even understand. They might not have been forgiving, but they would understand. Eventually.
Seleroan
Hey there, gentle reader.
Enjoying the content? Well, why not drop by my Patreon? It helps me keep this show running, and allows me to afford great things like editors, cover artists, and food!
Each chapter is now being personalized with some... passable chapter-inspired AI generated art. I try. But it gives things a bit of color. And you can read ahead!
Come on down! We'd love to see you.
“So then… what?” I asked absently, trying to come up with the most likely interpretation. “It makes dirt?”
Lynnria blinked. “Dirt?!”
The moment that single syllable left her mouth, the wand jerked and, with a sound vaguely akin to splork, a wad of lightly moistened soil launched out of the tip with what felt like the approximate force of a shotgun blast. Straight to my chin.
I am not entirely certain what order events took directly following that, but the next few moments of my life involved a lot of agonized screaming from me, a lot of panicked screaming from Lynnria, a lot of orgasmic screaming from Mia, and a lot of unseen Faen suddenly rattling the rafters with their laughter.
And to be fair, if ‘Entry of the Gladiators’ had suddenly begun playing somewhere in the background, I would not have been surprised.
*****
Sometimes it can be the smallest of blessings that one will find themselves latching onto. And I do mean, the very smallest.
The corridor I was currently stumbling through—while long, winding, and seeming without end—did at least have the good grace to be lit just dimly enough to see without straining the eyes over much. And that was wonderful because I had a raging headache.
Actually, I had a lot of things, but that was the latest to join the queue of shit I could do nothing about. As such, it was very much the most pressing thing on my mind. The rest had sort of faded into so much background noise.
Absently, I scratched at my lips. They had started to tingle. I knew I needed to be looking out for signs like that, but I was not sure whether that was from the allegedly poisoned jerky or yet another side-effect of having been shot in the face with particulate soil. Besides the likely concussion I was suffering through—my cheeks and lower jaw were throbbing with the mother of all friction burns—I was pretty sure I was breaking out into a fantastic rash, and half of my beard had been blown clean away.
And if that was not a clear sign I was due for a shave, I did not know what else I needed. I might have been wearing a frayed and ripped skirt, matching tunic, variously-colored paisley bandages, and been bloody and bruised enough to have marched right out of a Mad Max film… but I was not going to be seen in public with mutton chops.
I had my standards. They were battered and weak, but I had them, damn it!
“Dirt!” Lynnria shout-whispered, the resultant thud and subsequent rain of soil falling to the ground behind me far outstripping her command.
I turned to cock an eyebrow at her.
“What?” She straightened and planted her hands on her hips, totally ignoring the mess she had just made. “I’m experimenting. What if I need it for a stealth attack? It might not have responded if I said it quietly.”
I did not reply. I just let my gaze bore into her for another couple of seconds before turning back to resume our trek.
I was not exactly sure what this place was, but that was nothing unusual. All I knew for certain was that it was different than the place we had left. Honestly, it sort of reminded me of walking around backstage in a large auditorium. Dimly lit, not much of anything going on, winding and seemingly endless corridors? It all spoke to some sort of service area.
There had not even been so much as an intersection since we had left that room. And while the ethereal and unchanging mood of the place was starting to weird me out a little, I still wanted to see what was on the other end of this thing before turning back. I did not like our odds against that golem. Dirt-launcher or no.
I mean, what was the wand even going to do? Mildly inconvenience it to death?
My right eye fluttered closed as a wave of pain from my concussed skull passed over me. Okay… maybe it’s not totally useless. I did have an 11 in Toughness now, which was slightly over the natural human maximum. That was probably the only reason I was still on my feet right now.
That and necessity. I knew if it were strictly up to me, I would have preferred a month in a nice hospital bed somewhere. With lots of fancy and unpronounceable painkillers conveniently pumping into my veins.
“How long are you planning on giving me the silent treatment?” Lynnria chirped, and I unconsciously flinched from her abrupt appearance at my side. Then an echoing throb reverberated through my head, protesting the sudden movement.
I whimpered slightly.
“Oh, don’t be that way,” she pouted. “How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? You know I would never do something like that on purpose.”
I raised a hand weakly to forestall her. “Shhhh… too loud.”
She grimaced apologetically. “Right. Sorry. Again.” Sighing, she slapped the wooden rod into her palm. “Still, you have to admit, it’s a pretty interesting little thing. Now, if I could just get my hands on a sword or something, it would make for a fantastic off-hand weapon. I can just imagine the possibilities.”
I refrained from comment, preferring to let her prattle on.
“I’ve noticed I feel kind of drained after I use it, though,” she continued undeterred. Then she glanced up at me with a thoughtful frown. “Do you think it might be stealing Life Energy when I use it? Like with your spells?”
I sighed. It seemed she was determined to drag me into this conversation whether I liked it or not. Weakly, so as to not move my jaw as much as I could, I murmured, “Drained how?”
“What do you mean?” she asked.
I grunted then pointed at her gut. “Feel hungry?”
“Well…” She paused to consider it. “I haven’t eaten since I escaped from the island, so yeah, I guess so.”
I glared at her, half-considering just taking the blasted wand and answering the question once and for all myself, but then my rationality slapped my impatience back into the corner where it belonged. Like the hell I had the resources for that kind of nonsense. I would not have been suffering this crap otherwise. In fact, I had half a mind to just down the stick of jerky and damn the consequences.
Hell, the lilim would probably even understand. They might not have been forgiving, but they would understand. Eventually.
Seleroan
Hey there, gentle reader.
Enjoying the content? Well, why not drop by my Patreon? It helps me keep this show running, and allows me to afford great things like editors, cover artists, and food!
Each chapter is now being personalized with some... passable chapter-inspired AI generated art. I try. But it gives things a bit of color. And you can read ahead!
Come on down! We'd love to see you.
