"You ruined my life!" Kai exclaimed.
He was filled with anger at that moment. He wasn't planning on stopping. All he wanted was for her to know, to finally face what she had done. He couldn't believe that she had actually managed to escape judgement and all that should come with it just because she was the queen, just because Kai hadn't been there to hold her accountable for her own actions. The young prince had been willing to talk to her, work with her but he saw no real change in her, all she ever did was look the other way when someone mentioned her mistakes, nothing more.
"Kai…" his mother called his name. He had never heard the word in a loving way, the way a mother should say it. His name had always been called in such a cold tone, sometimes with adoration but never with love. Philip was the first one, the only one to make his name sound so sweet to make him feel proud that he owned it. It made such a difference and now he was truly noticing.
"Don't try to avoid this any longer. I have had enough, I was the bigger person for too long and I will not keep doing this. I slept in the streets! I was all alone, forgotten by everyone. I hated my life, I simply wanted everything to end. I had no home, no one to turn to and every few years everything that I had managed to achieve, I had to leave them behind not to risk anyone finding me, discovering me. I killed the person I loved the most all because of you! I became a murderer because of you and your stupid obsession about what is proper!" Kai screamed at her, shooting up from the bed and looking at her with cold blue eyes. "You made me hate who I was."
"It wasn't an obsession about what is proper." Cecilia mumbled, her green eyes glued to the floor. She was gripping her dress, her hands forming a fist mixed with the soft silk fabric of her clothes.
"Then what was it?" Kai asked her, his anger not subsiding with her words.
"I was scared, always afraid. You must know. I mean everyone in our family seems to know by now. We should not be here, we should not be the heirs and if anyone ever disliked us and tried to find something against us all of our family would drop dead. Your father is always gone, I had to do everything on my own, I couldn't let you or your siblings be in danger. If people knew you were a werewolf's mate, if the Bloody People stepped in without me doing something they would have you killed too. I know I was wrong…"
"Then why did you never apologize? You never even accepted the fact that you were wrong. You never treated me like your son and now you mean to tell me that you tried to do everything for us? You sound like a hypocrite." Kai told her. The queen looked at him, a bitter smile on her face. She would just sit there, look at her son and listen to him scream. She didn't seem upset, she didn't try to stop him.
"Do you know how hard it is to accept that you ruined someone's life? Especially the life of your own child? The nightmares that I would have, the guilt. Of course I know what I did, I never wanted it for it to be this way but I do know what I did. Maybe I didn't think that you really loved him that much, maybe…"
"What would you do if you were pressured to kill dad?" Kai asked her, his tone strict as he judged her with his eyes. "How would you feel, what would you do afterwards? Tell me. You can't relate? You underestimated how I felt for him? All of those things that you're saying are simply excuses. You did it, I get it. You were scared and tried to protect us but just because you had a noble cause the means won't be justified. Do you understand that?" Kai asked her.
"I do, better than you think."
"Even now you don't think you should apologize?"
"I…."
"You've never apologized for anything in your life, am I wrong?" Kai asked his mother, knowing very well the answer. He didn't wait for her to talk, she didn't have to. Her expression was enough. "neither had I. Until I started hurting the people I cared about and since I couldn't go back in time to fix the shit I did, all I could do is show them my remorse. Words first and then by changing my actions."
"I…I am sorry." Cecilia told him, sounding as if she was having trouble uttering the words. Kai scoffed, tilting his head to the side.
"I do not accept your apology. Not until I see that you are actually planning to change. It's a good thing that dad is back, maybe you could learn a thing or two, for everyone's sake." Kai told her.
Cecilia's eyes widened. To say she was not surprised would be a lie. She had said she was sorry for the first time in her life and it had been denied right away, maybe forgiveness was not so easy after all.
"I see, just make sure that you don't die out there."
"Is that your way of telling me to be careful?" Kai asked her.
"Yes." The queen answered him. Kai nodded heading towards the door, his pale hand placed on the cold knob. Before he left he turned around and looked at his mother, maybe for the last time in a while, if she didn't change for the last time in forever.
"Mothers are supposed to do a lot more than just keep their children alive." Kai told her.. "Hope things one day will change" the young prince said as he left, closing the door behind him and leaving her alone.
"You ruined my life!" Kai exclaimed.
He was filled with anger at that moment. He wasn't planning on stopping. All he wanted was for her to know, to finally face what she had done. He couldn't believe that she had actually managed to escape judgement and all that should come with it just because she was the queen, just because Kai hadn't been there to hold her accountable for her own actions. The young prince had been willing to talk to her, work with her but he saw no real change in her, all she ever did was look the other way when someone mentioned her mistakes, nothing more.
"Kai…" his mother called his name. He had never heard the word in a loving way, the way a mother should say it. His name had always been called in such a cold tone, sometimes with adoration but never with love. Philip was the first one, the only one to make his name sound so sweet to make him feel proud that he owned it. It made such a difference and now he was truly noticing.
"Don't try to avoid this any longer. I have had enough, I was the bigger person for too long and I will not keep doing this. I slept in the streets! I was all alone, forgotten by everyone. I hated my life, I simply wanted everything to end. I had no home, no one to turn to and every few years everything that I had managed to achieve, I had to leave them behind not to risk anyone finding me, discovering me. I killed the person I loved the most all because of you! I became a murderer because of you and your stupid obsession about what is proper!" Kai screamed at her, shooting up from the bed and looking at her with cold blue eyes. "You made me hate who I was."
"It wasn't an obsession about what is proper." Cecilia mumbled, her green eyes glued to the floor. She was gripping her dress, her hands forming a fist mixed with the soft silk fabric of her clothes.
"Then what was it?" Kai asked her, his anger not subsiding with her words.
"I was scared, always afraid. You must know. I mean everyone in our family seems to know by now. We should not be here, we should not be the heirs and if anyone ever disliked us and tried to find something against us all of our family would drop dead. Your father is always gone, I had to do everything on my own, I couldn't let you or your siblings be in danger. If people knew you were a werewolf's mate, if the Bloody People stepped in without me doing something they would have you killed too. I know I was wrong…"
"Then why did you never apologize? You never even accepted the fact that you were wrong. You never treated me like your son and now you mean to tell me that you tried to do everything for us? You sound like a hypocrite." Kai told her. The queen looked at him, a bitter smile on her face. She would just sit there, look at her son and listen to him scream. She didn't seem upset, she didn't try to stop him.
"Do you know how hard it is to accept that you ruined someone's life? Especially the life of your own child? The nightmares that I would have, the guilt. Of course I know what I did, I never wanted it for it to be this way but I do know what I did. Maybe I didn't think that you really loved him that much, maybe…"
"What would you do if you were pressured to kill dad?" Kai asked her, his tone strict as he judged her with his eyes. "How would you feel, what would you do afterwards? Tell me. You can't relate? You underestimated how I felt for him? All of those things that you're saying are simply excuses. You did it, I get it. You were scared and tried to protect us but just because you had a noble cause the means won't be justified. Do you understand that?" Kai asked her.
"I do, better than you think."
"Even now you don't think you should apologize?"
"I…."
"You've never apologized for anything in your life, am I wrong?" Kai asked his mother, knowing very well the answer. He didn't wait for her to talk, she didn't have to. Her expression was enough. "neither had I. Until I started hurting the people I cared about and since I couldn't go back in time to fix the shit I did, all I could do is show them my remorse. Words first and then by changing my actions."
"I…I am sorry." Cecilia told him, sounding as if she was having trouble uttering the words. Kai scoffed, tilting his head to the side.
"I do not accept your apology. Not until I see that you are actually planning to change. It's a good thing that dad is back, maybe you could learn a thing or two, for everyone's sake." Kai told her.
Cecilia's eyes widened. To say she was not surprised would be a lie. She had said she was sorry for the first time in her life and it had been denied right away, maybe forgiveness was not so easy after all.
"I see, just make sure that you don't die out there."
"Is that your way of telling me to be careful?" Kai asked her.
"Yes." The queen answered him. Kai nodded heading towards the door, his pale hand placed on the cold knob. Before he left he turned around and looked at his mother, maybe for the last time in a while, if she didn't change for the last time in forever.
"Mothers are supposed to do a lot more than just keep their children alive." Kai told her.. "Hope things one day will change" the young prince said as he left, closing the door behind him and leaving her alone.
