The ship creaked as it left Trierport’s docks behind. Creaked. Like the roof of an inn beneath a rainy night. I had significant concerns each time I slept in an inn, and I was now no more accustomed to the thought of a mouldy ceiling crashing down upon my delicate head than I was the first time I’d closed my eyes after being robbed of 5 silver crowns.
This, however.
This was a new terror.
Now the wooden beams and scurrying mice weren't above me. They were below me. If this highly suspect and clearly ageing vessel were to sink, there’d be no saving me. More importantly, there’d be no saving my attire.
The delicate fabric would disintegrate to the salt water, the boots waterlogged to ruin and my socks shrivelled. A ghastly look. I’d sooner drown myself than be washed up like some dead and rotting thing hooked ashore by a fisherman. Because if the water reached my hair, I’d look even worse than my worst nightmares. I might even be mistaken for nobility.
I shuddered.
Sadly, my bleak confidence lowered even further when I witnessed an ogre’s foot smashing through the wooden deck. He sighed, indicating this was not a horrifying and rare occurrence, before being helped up by two of his crewmates. Another immediately covered the hole with a plank, then nailed it down before it’d even been properly fitted.
A tiny gap still remained. A newly installed tripping hazard or invitation for rain to seep through.
I pursed my lips.
“Coppelia.”
“Mmh?”
My loyal future handmaiden turned her eyes away from the commotion.
She’d watched the crew of this diminutive trading cog with interest. Unlike me, she was impressed by the sound of scuffling boots and loud shouting. I, however, was used to large gatherings of commoners working at my leisure. Even if it were rarely ogres.
I gave a tidy cough and smiled at her.
“Do you recall how one of your responsibilities is to carry me away in events of certain peril?”
“Nope~”
“Good. Because I’m amending the prerequisites. From now on, please consider the preservation of my attire as a priority as well. I may currently hold the 20 metre swimming record in my family, but I have no wish to extend it even further. In the inevitable event that this ship capsizes, you’ll have to carry me on your shoulders as you wade back to shore.”
“Hmm … that’s going to be a problem.”
“Yes, it is. I recognise it’ll be impossible to prevent my soles from becoming wet. Please rest assured that I’ll only seek compensation from the sea, not yourself.”
“Eh? You’re going to bill the sea?”
“Pearls come from the sea. I’m sure we can come to a suitable arrangement.”
Coppelia responded by stretching her arms out, looking more like a cat than the tabby lounging on the nearby net.
“Hmmm~ you might have to put in a pretty big bill, then. More than your soles will get wet. The Coppelia Ferry Service is fully booked right now.”
“Of course it is. I’ve booked it.”
“Really? Did you pay the deposit?”
“Naturally.” I placed my hand atop my chest and smiled. “Didn’t you know? I pay it with each and every moment of my company.”
“Uwaah~ I think the cost just increased.”
“Then I’ll continue to pay it with my presence. After all, I have more than this … Golden Pretender to deal with. There’ll be ample opportunity for you to accumulate additional Juliette Time.”
“I apologise, but the Coppelia Ferry Service doesn’t recognise Juliette Time as legal tender.”
“Really now. Were I more unscrupulous, I’d be charging for each passing moment. You may not be aware of this, but my presence is a healing balm which soothes the aches and pains of all whom I pass. Haven’t you noticed that your cogs are slightly less squeaky since you’ve met me?”
Coppelia glanced to a corner of the sky in thought. She then rolled her shoulders, followed by a twist of her hips.
“That’s a coincidence,” she said flatly.
I smiled in triumph.
Indeed, my very existence was a healing light upon this world! The only reason I didn’t carry a donation plate was to not antagonise the Holy Church. I had quite enough issues without needing to bat away sisters turning up like receptionists at my inn door, querying why a single copper crown was missing from their coffers.
“In any event, I have as little faith in this orchestra of creaking wood as I do the new hires in the Royal Villa. I expect only disaster, and yet wait to be further disappointed. Should the worst occur, know that I’m prepared to be swept upon your shoulders.”
“Maybe I’ll try asking if I can sit on the big guy’s shoulders, then. We can make a floating tower as we swim.”
“That’s just silly, Coppelia.”
“... So I shouldn’t ask?”
I paused for a moment.
“Perhaps wait until he’s less busy.”
“Okie~”
My eyes turned to the largest figure amongst the hurrying crew. Even as calm waves carried us, they still tended to all manner of ropes and apparatus as though egged on by a storm.
Eventually, the captain opted to see to his high profile guests over yelling at his stumbling crew. He strolled over, his movement deft despite the swaying ship, then offered the smile of a king presiding over his realm.
An erroneous notion, of course. This may be his ship, but until Trierport’s docks fell away into the far distance, these were still my kingdom’s waters.
“Not bad for an old lady, huh?” said Captain Talrik. “A beautiful ship, even with her quirks.”
My discerning eyes glanced over to a peeling crack beside his boots. A seagull flew down, pecked out an unidentified species of worm from it, then took off again in the blink of an eye.
“Quite so, captain. A truly unique ship. And how long will I need to experience its quirks?”
“If the breeze is true and the tides fair, then you’ll only enjoy her until the next night, I’m afraid. The Henrietta isn’t a galleon or frigate. But her sails were near enough sewn by my hands alone. You’ll experience the wind as though you were stood upon a clifftop.”
I nodded.
Staying awake, without venturing from my spot for upwards of 48 hours. Perfectly doable. Because whatever awaited me below the deck of this ship was not anything I needed to witness.
“Then I look forward to it, captain, just as I do your forthcoming explanation. I take it that the ‘details’ you refrained from explaining has considerable bearing on my well thought out plan to make an example of this Golden Upstart leading the pirates?”
“To that it does. You wish to confront the Golden Prince directly. A bold stratagem. But first you must find him.”
“A simple matter. Take your ship with its swift sails towards the nearest pirate vessel. I will make inquiries.”
The ogre chuckled. Not for the first time, I wondered which part he took in jest.
“They can point you the right way, true. But then, so can I. You’ll find his ship moored somewhere between the many crags of Port Defiance.”
I blinked, wondering if the salt air had fully stuffed my eardrums.
“Excuse me? Where?”
“Port Defiance. A settlement of sorts, known to certain, well-informed captains most familiar with sailing these waters.”
“A settlement?”
“Or a place of refuge from Lissoine’s navy, depending on who you ask. A homely place, even if it is little more than rocks and empty bottles. Truth be told, it’s a wonder half the taverns are still standing.”
My mouth opened in horror at the implication of his words.
“... Captain Talrik, are you telling me that a pirate haven is operating near my kingdom’s shores?”
“Why, that would be disingenuous on the many fine folk who make their honourable living there. I happen to be able to vouch for several of the barkeepers. Not all of them, mind. And all of them will fleece you for every crown if given the chance. But only a few will outright rob you.”
I took a step back in disbelief, almost falling over a … whatever all these things were!
I … I couldn’t believe it!
First it was a false prince! And now it was a hideaway for vagrants! And they not only operated against Tirea, but Lissoine too?! Why, all of the western continent was clearly at risk!
To think that the unchecked pirate menace had been allowed to fester for so long that they had time to build a refuge!
Why, it’s no wonder they’d grown so bold! They had a home upon our very doorsteps they could flee to!
“Naturally, Port Defiance has its benefits and negatives,” said Captain Talrik in a business-like tone. “And for traders like myself, those benefits and negatives are closely aligned with how receptive the pirates are regarding my sea tithes. Now that they’ve taken to blockading ports for highly inexplicable and financially unsound reasons, I do not consider it a bad thing if certain relationships were re-evaluated.”
I frowned.
A trader with access to a pirate haven?
I didn’t believe for a single moment that this captain of ogres was as earnest in his business dealings as he was in his fondness for his cat.
That, however, was an issue I’d handle later.
Preferably once the shore was closer than 20 metres away.
“My excellent services are not required, then,” I said. “You may turn us around. Inform the Kingdom of Lissoine that a pirate haven exists in these waters, and by common accord, their navy will thoroughly sink it beneath the waves.”
“You assume they don’t already know. I assure you they do. They’ve searched for years, in fact. But there’s more which hides Port Defiance than its lack of a pin on any sea chart.”
“Including your unwillingness to divulge the finer details, I take it?”
The ogre smiled without any hint of regret.
“Precisely. I have no wish to see my favourite tavern sinking. As I said, the port has its benefits. Not as many as it used to, true. But for me, it’s enough if the man who leads the fleet was removed. Frankly, I don’t believe a D-rank adventurer capable of the feat, but volunteers to face certain doom is exceedingly rare these days. A pity. Adventurers never used to be so reasonable.”
I raised an eyebrow.
If adventurers were reasonable, they’d pick up a hoe and start farming. They were already peasants. But as adventurers, they were also useless peasants.
“Your concerns are unwarranted, captain. This Golden Buffoon has poked the dragon’s lair, and I assure you that no amount of ocean will quench the flames which come his way.”
Him and this pirate haven both.
The ogre, sadly, would need to find a new haunt to frequent. I utterly refused to countenance the existence of a refuge for criminals existing anywhere near my kingdom.
As ever, a point needed to be made.
One which began with my boot and ended with the bottom of the sea.
Because it wasn’t enough to merely shoo away the pirates. They were cockroaches waiting to skittle away and return as soon as darkness allowed. I needed to remove their rotting corner of the sea in its entirety.
After all, I was hardly a princess who thought only about today.
No, I thought about the infinite future, one without any threat of pirates disturbing me, my naps, or the quality of those naps!
This meant doing away with them in such hair-raising fashion that my feats were sung by bards and minstrels in taverns as far south as the Principalities.
I turned to the open sea, seeing the boundless horizon beneath the moonlight.
Somewhere beyond that glittering surface, the first note was waiting to be written, the first melody hummed and the first crowns tossed as commoners bellowed for a rousing encore consisting only of my name.
Ohohohoho … it was going to be a wondrous song.
The Golden Prince?
Quite an enigmatic title. But how much gold he possessed meant less to me than the fleas which the tabby was surely attempting to scratch away. It should matter to him, though.
After all, gold did not float.
It sank.
The ship creaked as it left Trierport’s docks behind. Creaked. Like the roof of an inn beneath a rainy night. I had significant concerns each time I slept in an inn, and I was now no more accustomed to the thought of a mouldy ceiling crashing down upon my delicate head than I was the first time I’d closed my eyes after being robbed of 5 silver crowns.
This, however.
This was a new terror.
Now the wooden beams and scurrying mice weren't above me. They were below me. If this highly suspect and clearly ageing vessel were to sink, there’d be no saving me. More importantly, there’d be no saving my attire.
The delicate fabric would disintegrate to the salt water, the boots waterlogged to ruin and my socks shrivelled. A ghastly look. I’d sooner drown myself than be washed up like some dead and rotting thing hooked ashore by a fisherman. Because if the water reached my hair, I’d look even worse than my worst nightmares. I might even be mistaken for nobility.
I shuddered.
Sadly, my bleak confidence lowered even further when I witnessed an ogre’s foot smashing through the wooden deck. He sighed, indicating this was not a horrifying and rare occurrence, before being helped up by two of his crewmates. Another immediately covered the hole with a plank, then nailed it down before it’d even been properly fitted.
A tiny gap still remained. A newly installed tripping hazard or invitation for rain to seep through.
I pursed my lips.
“Coppelia.”
“Mmh?”
My loyal future handmaiden turned her eyes away from the commotion.
She’d watched the crew of this diminutive trading cog with interest. Unlike me, she was impressed by the sound of scuffling boots and loud shouting. I, however, was used to large gatherings of commoners working at my leisure. Even if it were rarely ogres.
I gave a tidy cough and smiled at her.
“Do you recall how one of your responsibilities is to carry me away in events of certain peril?”
“Nope~”
“Good. Because I’m amending the prerequisites. From now on, please consider the preservation of my attire as a priority as well. I may currently hold the 20 metre swimming record in my family, but I have no wish to extend it even further. In the inevitable event that this ship capsizes, you’ll have to carry me on your shoulders as you wade back to shore.”
“Hmm … that’s going to be a problem.”
“Yes, it is. I recognise it’ll be impossible to prevent my soles from becoming wet. Please rest assured that I’ll only seek compensation from the sea, not yourself.”
“Eh? You’re going to bill the sea?”
“Pearls come from the sea. I’m sure we can come to a suitable arrangement.”
Coppelia responded by stretching her arms out, looking more like a cat than the tabby lounging on the nearby net.
“Hmmm~ you might have to put in a pretty big bill, then. More than your soles will get wet. The Coppelia Ferry Service is fully booked right now.”
“Of course it is. I’ve booked it.”
“Really? Did you pay the deposit?”
“Naturally.” I placed my hand atop my chest and smiled. “Didn’t you know? I pay it with each and every moment of my company.”
“Uwaah~ I think the cost just increased.”
“Then I’ll continue to pay it with my presence. After all, I have more than this … Golden Pretender to deal with. There’ll be ample opportunity for you to accumulate additional Juliette Time.”
“I apologise, but the Coppelia Ferry Service doesn’t recognise Juliette Time as legal tender.”
“Really now. Were I more unscrupulous, I’d be charging for each passing moment. You may not be aware of this, but my presence is a healing balm which soothes the aches and pains of all whom I pass. Haven’t you noticed that your cogs are slightly less squeaky since you’ve met me?”
Coppelia glanced to a corner of the sky in thought. She then rolled her shoulders, followed by a twist of her hips.
“That’s a coincidence,” she said flatly.
I smiled in triumph.
Indeed, my very existence was a healing light upon this world! The only reason I didn’t carry a donation plate was to not antagonise the Holy Church. I had quite enough issues without needing to bat away sisters turning up like receptionists at my inn door, querying why a single copper crown was missing from their coffers.
“In any event, I have as little faith in this orchestra of creaking wood as I do the new hires in the Royal Villa. I expect only disaster, and yet wait to be further disappointed. Should the worst occur, know that I’m prepared to be swept upon your shoulders.”
“Maybe I’ll try asking if I can sit on the big guy’s shoulders, then. We can make a floating tower as we swim.”
“That’s just silly, Coppelia.”
“... So I shouldn’t ask?”
I paused for a moment.
“Perhaps wait until he’s less busy.”
“Okie~”
My eyes turned to the largest figure amongst the hurrying crew. Even as calm waves carried us, they still tended to all manner of ropes and apparatus as though egged on by a storm.
Eventually, the captain opted to see to his high profile guests over yelling at his stumbling crew. He strolled over, his movement deft despite the swaying ship, then offered the smile of a king presiding over his realm.
An erroneous notion, of course. This may be his ship, but until Trierport’s docks fell away into the far distance, these were still my kingdom’s waters.
“Not bad for an old lady, huh?” said Captain Talrik. “A beautiful ship, even with her quirks.”
My discerning eyes glanced over to a peeling crack beside his boots. A seagull flew down, pecked out an unidentified species of worm from it, then took off again in the blink of an eye.
“Quite so, captain. A truly unique ship. And how long will I need to experience its quirks?”
“If the breeze is true and the tides fair, then you’ll only enjoy her until the next night, I’m afraid. The Henrietta isn’t a galleon or frigate. But her sails were near enough sewn by my hands alone. You’ll experience the wind as though you were stood upon a clifftop.”
I nodded.
Staying awake, without venturing from my spot for upwards of 48 hours. Perfectly doable. Because whatever awaited me below the deck of this ship was not anything I needed to witness.
“Then I look forward to it, captain, just as I do your forthcoming explanation. I take it that the ‘details’ you refrained from explaining has considerable bearing on my well thought out plan to make an example of this Golden Upstart leading the pirates?”
“To that it does. You wish to confront the Golden Prince directly. A bold stratagem. But first you must find him.”
“A simple matter. Take your ship with its swift sails towards the nearest pirate vessel. I will make inquiries.”
The ogre chuckled. Not for the first time, I wondered which part he took in jest.
“They can point you the right way, true. But then, so can I. You’ll find his ship moored somewhere between the many crags of Port Defiance.”
I blinked, wondering if the salt air had fully stuffed my eardrums.
“Excuse me? Where?”
“Port Defiance. A settlement of sorts, known to certain, well-informed captains most familiar with sailing these waters.”
“A settlement?”
“Or a place of refuge from Lissoine’s navy, depending on who you ask. A homely place, even if it is little more than rocks and empty bottles. Truth be told, it’s a wonder half the taverns are still standing.”
My mouth opened in horror at the implication of his words.
“... Captain Talrik, are you telling me that a pirate haven is operating near my kingdom’s shores?”
“Why, that would be disingenuous on the many fine folk who make their honourable living there. I happen to be able to vouch for several of the barkeepers. Not all of them, mind. And all of them will fleece you for every crown if given the chance. But only a few will outright rob you.”
I took a step back in disbelief, almost falling over a … whatever all these things were!
I … I couldn’t believe it!
First it was a false prince! And now it was a hideaway for vagrants! And they not only operated against Tirea, but Lissoine too?! Why, all of the western continent was clearly at risk!
To think that the unchecked pirate menace had been allowed to fester for so long that they had time to build a refuge!
Why, it’s no wonder they’d grown so bold! They had a home upon our very doorsteps they could flee to!
“Naturally, Port Defiance has its benefits and negatives,” said Captain Talrik in a business-like tone. “And for traders like myself, those benefits and negatives are closely aligned with how receptive the pirates are regarding my sea tithes. Now that they’ve taken to blockading ports for highly inexplicable and financially unsound reasons, I do not consider it a bad thing if certain relationships were re-evaluated.”
I frowned.
A trader with access to a pirate haven?
I didn’t believe for a single moment that this captain of ogres was as earnest in his business dealings as he was in his fondness for his cat.
That, however, was an issue I’d handle later.
Preferably once the shore was closer than 20 metres away.
“My excellent services are not required, then,” I said. “You may turn us around. Inform the Kingdom of Lissoine that a pirate haven exists in these waters, and by common accord, their navy will thoroughly sink it beneath the waves.”
“You assume they don’t already know. I assure you they do. They’ve searched for years, in fact. But there’s more which hides Port Defiance than its lack of a pin on any sea chart.”
“Including your unwillingness to divulge the finer details, I take it?”
The ogre smiled without any hint of regret.
“Precisely. I have no wish to see my favourite tavern sinking. As I said, the port has its benefits. Not as many as it used to, true. But for me, it’s enough if the man who leads the fleet was removed. Frankly, I don’t believe a D-rank adventurer capable of the feat, but volunteers to face certain doom is exceedingly rare these days. A pity. Adventurers never used to be so reasonable.”
I raised an eyebrow.
If adventurers were reasonable, they’d pick up a hoe and start farming. They were already peasants. But as adventurers, they were also useless peasants.
“Your concerns are unwarranted, captain. This Golden Buffoon has poked the dragon’s lair, and I assure you that no amount of ocean will quench the flames which come his way.”
Him and this pirate haven both.
The ogre, sadly, would need to find a new haunt to frequent. I utterly refused to countenance the existence of a refuge for criminals existing anywhere near my kingdom.
As ever, a point needed to be made.
One which began with my boot and ended with the bottom of the sea.
Because it wasn’t enough to merely shoo away the pirates. They were cockroaches waiting to skittle away and return as soon as darkness allowed. I needed to remove their rotting corner of the sea in its entirety.
After all, I was hardly a princess who thought only about today.
No, I thought about the infinite future, one without any threat of pirates disturbing me, my naps, or the quality of those naps!
This meant doing away with them in such hair-raising fashion that my feats were sung by bards and minstrels in taverns as far south as the Principalities.
I turned to the open sea, seeing the boundless horizon beneath the moonlight.
Somewhere beyond that glittering surface, the first note was waiting to be written, the first melody hummed and the first crowns tossed as commoners bellowed for a rousing encore consisting only of my name.
Ohohohoho … it was going to be a wondrous song.
The Golden Prince?
Quite an enigmatic title. But how much gold he possessed meant less to me than the fleas which the tabby was surely attempting to scratch away. It should matter to him, though.
After all, gold did not float.
It sank.
