Unqueenly Jealousy
‘My worries these days are amplified uncomfortably…’ Esther thought, running the fine comb through her drying hair. It was the second half of her morning ritual of getting her hair straight. Like always, it was a largely futile effort. Every stroke of her comb left the strands of hair to wave, wind and fluff out into various directions. During a resigned moment, she lowered her hands and inspected the person that met her gaze in the mirror.
The raven-haired woman looked at herself. At her face and at the person behind it.
Esther would have never described herself as gorgeous, such would have been a vain indulgence in her eyes, but she knew she looked good. Her face was pleasingly symmetrical. Her lips were red, full and slightly glossy on their own. Her nose sat in the right place, neither too big nor too small. Same for her ears. Her eyes had a pleasant cut to them, with her dark eyelashes and brows being sharp and dense. By the conventional standards of beauty, she fit the definition. It was all objectively measurable, it didn’t take any level of self-aggrandisement to look at it.
Only her hair, she found horrible. Even semi-wet as it was, it went all over the place. The volume was almost domineering. Each individual strand fanned out, as it fell downwards, each taking a life on their own. Tips curled and waved slightly, as strands ran criss-cross over each other. Most annoying was the one that ran diagonally over her face. It stayed out of the way of things (at the current length) but it bothered her regardless. The sole solace was that her hair obeyed the laws of gravity. If parts of it had stuck out sideways or upwards, it would have caused her additional distress.
Esther couldn’t remember when she had last inspected herself to this degree. Usually, the mirror was a tool that merely existed to check on her physical condition. Today was different. Albeit she couldn’t put her finger on how. After a few moments of deliberation, she grabbed the white band from the board under the mirror. Three twists of her nimble fingers in, she stopped, shook her head, and put the band down again.
Nothing about her physical condition was different. Binding her hair now would leave it even more disorderly than usual. There were no shortcuts to making it appear adequate. Esther took the comb and continued where she had left off. Every part of her hair had to be given steady attention. Smooth as it was, the comb slid through without issue. Getting it to fall in proper lines was the entire battle.
Esther had taken other measures to tame her mane in the past. The obvious two, reducing her hair to a buzzcut or using a flat iron, had both been failures. To be completely clear, the flat iron had been a demonstrable failure. While it succeeded in straightening her hair out for a few hours, it didn’t last the entire day. What she was left with was a pleasingly quick morning ritual, but a second half of the day in which she looked like she hadn’t done anything. Inacceptable, by her standards. Cutting it short had been factually effective. However, she couldn’t stand the way she had looked with short hair and had grown it out again.
Only recently, had she realized why that was. Esther desired to excel in all things she attempted. To prove to herself that she was and could be an outstanding individual. That she also desired to be a lady deserving of the title, that she had only realized recently. It had taken to know someone who was worthy of the effort. ‘Karitas,’ the name entered her thoughts unconsciously.
He was the sole reason why her worries were so amplified these days. On her own, she could sort out any problem in short order. She had always fixed her own issues, always chasing the solution diligently, always demanding more of herself. Others hadn’t kept up with her. They had been content being flawed, content leaving things to her. With him, it was different. Fixing his problems for him, attempting as much, had gotten her scolded. He wanted them to solve these things - together.
Esther noticed, in her reflection, that the corners of her lips were slightly raised. She was doing that a lot the last couple of days. Smiling was a strange sight on her face and an even stranger feeling. Strange, but not unwelcome.
‘It appears not only my worries are amplified,’ she realized and sighed. A deep, heavy sigh, making audible the complicated mess she felt. A sound that temporarily lifted the weight off her soul.
Since the man of her interest had so abruptly announced himself into her life, it had been an up and down two weeks. Whenever he did or said something stupid, the wrath she felt was stronger than anything else in the past few years. For every other person Esther had ever had contact with, they had stepped away from her after one or two of her rebukes. Fine on her own, she had let go of them. All she needed was to prove to herself that she could excel. Excess weight was nothing to keep hold off.
Karitas was staying. More than that, he managed to impress her. With his strength, of body and of character. Like all people, he had his flaws. Most, like his extrapolating, were things she got used to. Others, like his spending habits, he tried to remedy. Few, like his perversion, she found herself reciprocating. He helped her discover things about herself, good and bad, that she hadn’t been previously aware of. It was wonderful, in a strange, labyrinthine way. She wanted more of it. More of him.
The memory of a certain succubus bubbled up in her mind. A demonic seductress with greyish white skin, her thin tail coiled around Karitas’ arm, leaning even closer towards him. She flaunted her sexuality and he looked back at her with clear attraction. His body reacted to her. Sometimes, he looked at her instead of Esther.
The comb scraped over her head, making Esther realize the unnecessary force she was putting into her motions. ‘Why is it HIS conduct that annoys me so greatly?’ she asked herself. No specific answer came from inside her mind. She knew, however, what she was feeling. Jealousy. A completely new emotion for her. Never had she felt like someone she loved would be taken away before.
Esther absolutely loathed that feeling. Most of all, how impossible it was to get a grip on it. No matter from what angle she analysed it, she couldn’t reason it away.
Karona, much as Esther disliked admitting it, was attractive. Naturally, a man and a pervert like Karitas would look at her reflexively. Even Esther’s eyes were occasionally drawn to the succubus’ curves. None of this should matter, as long as he ultimately looked at her, the one he was chasing. Which he had done every time. So, why did it bother Esther? Why was she not satisfied with the actions he had taken? Why did she blame him for Karona kissing him on the cheek?
Always, somehow, her thoughts looped back to him being at fault. Reasonably, she knew he wasn’t. ‘What do I require him to do to please these base instincts? Perform in the world blinded, sealed inside a bubble?’ That her jealous side considered that a somewhat viable strategy irked her extremely. Shoving that bit of herself aside, she stopped this fruitless contemplation and returned to looking at herself in the mirror. Purely for the sake of checking her hair, this time around.
It was as straight as it would be, only turning wild halfway down and towards the tips. At least she could get an orderly ponytail done this way. Raising her chin, she carefully combed everything backwards. By the time she was done, her hair had fully dried.
Letting her hair air dry was the only way to do it. Dryers worsened the way her hair fanned out and using a towel worsened the criss-cross wildness of the individual strands. Best she could do was wrap a towel around her head after showering, sucking out some of the initial moisture.
One last stroke of the comb and she secured her silky hair in an orderly bundle. Once she had wrapped the white ribbon around and properly tied it, she was finally content with the state of her hair. Where it curved over her head, it was orderly. Past the ribbon, the wildness still showed itself. A couple of particularly rebellious strands peeled out of the ponytail after a couple of seconds and framed her heart-shaped face.
For a moment, she turned back to the mirror and softly tugged at one of those strands. ‘Karitas liked that bit of disorderliness,’ she thought and found herself not disliking those strands as much as she usually did. She deliberately tugged a few more strands out of their confinement, to give that frame more substance. If she was going to cede ground to chaos, she was going to do it right. Finally, she grabbed her tricorne, sitting in arm’s reach.
With the hat in place, she stepped away from the mirror and over to where she had placed her shirt. She focused heavily on the buttons, as she put it on. The last thing she wanted was to glimpse over her shoulder and catch her reflection. Nothing good would come of that.
After closing the perfectly fitting top and wiggling herself into equally well-sitting pants, Esther was dressed for the single class of the day. Only her empty stomach now put a barrier between herself and polite society. She opened the door, only to be met by the smell of sizzling bacon from the kitchen. It permeated the air and she had to stay relaxed to prevent a very unladylike growling from echoing out from her stomach.
With steps harsher and more hurried than she preferred, she stomped towards the kitchen. Despite that approach, Karitas only greeted her with a smile. “I thought I would invest in something nice with the money we got yesterday,” he announced, waggling around a thick slice of meat, before dropping it in the pan. “Bacon and eggs sounded exactly like something nice.”
He was right. It smelled splendid. Doubtlessly, it would taste the part as well. Esther still heard herself say something harsh. “Wasting your funds, the moment your coffers are no longer empty, is an unwise action, Karitas.” It was meant as advice, but came across as berating. Even she understood that much. However, she couldn’t just apologize afterwards. Because she couldn’t. Period.
The blue-eyed man stepped away from the pan after loading something on a plate and walked over. His white hair looked good, as always. All of him looked good. He was a well-balanced display of manliness and his trained physique had a pronounced effect on her. His chest was broad, his jawbones pronounced (but not overly strong) and his white hair was ordered just enough to not get in the way, despite its relative length.
Once he had put down the plate, with one hand, he pulled back the chair closest to her. The other, he placed on her lower back and gently pushed. The contact had become normal at this point, but caused a pleasant warmth to swell in her chest regardless. “Milady, may I suggest you indulge? Whether my conduct annoys you or not, the meat has already been bought and prepared, it would be a waste to let it grow cold, would it not?”
‘Cease your patience,’ Esther wanted to scream out, but instead sat down straight and grabbed the fork already in place. He was right and her social skills suffered immensely when she was hungry. It didn’t help that she was already irritated with herself. Quietly, she shovelled the food into herself and did her best to ignore Karitas’ gaze. How he desired her and her imperfect personality even in these moments was beyond her understanding.
Esther heard the footsteps of the person joining them before she heard the voice of the succubus. “Morning,” Arlethia chirped, half a dance in her steps. Her red hair wasn’t exactly orderly, but it was mostly straight. She could probably get it in full order if she just took a little more time. “Ooooh, bacon,” the red-skinned succubus fished a slice out of the pan, eating it as it was. “Hot – hot – hot – hot.”
“If you weren’t a demon, it would be more than just hot, you would have just burned your fingers and tongue,” Karitas reprimanded, swinging the spatula he was using in Arlethia’s direction. She dodged with ease.
“Did you actually try to hit me or did ya just want to see my tits jiggle?” the red-skinned demonette joked.
“If I had wanted to hit you, I would have,” was Karitas’ answer, coming along with a wide grin. “You have exactly two good qualities. What else Willt likes about you is beyond me.”
‘This does not bother me. Why?’ Esther wondered, narrowing her eyes while chewing. With the increase of protein in her system, her thoughts calmed a fair bit. She found her answer in the way Arlethia stabbed Karitas in the side with a finger and the man of her interest only proceeded to respond in kind. Sure, he made lewd jokes, but nothing about that was flirtatious. ‘Arlethia is no competition, that is the answer.’
That was somewhat helpful a realization, but didn’t solve her current conundrum.
“Anyway,” Karitas brought the talk to something normal, once he had filled his own plate. “Why are you up so early?” He sat down next to Esther and began to eat.
“I got a class in an hour. Better question, why are you up so early? I know you hate mornings.”
“Ah!” Karitas exclaimed and Esther immediately recognized the tone. The next few sentences would be unnecessarily long-winded. “You must recognize, my dear Arlethukinia, that I do indeed despise the morning star that wakes me from my slumber. As it is, however, I do wish to provide a nice morning for my desire, made manifest with raven hair this morning. And how beautiful she looks again this morning indeed!” Empty flattery, something every man could say. It took no observational effort. “I see you changed your hair a little,” he stopped that pompous speech to address her directly, establishing eye contact between them that didn’t break for a moment while he spoke. “I really like it, Esther.”
She felt her entire body tense for the time it took her heart to skip a beat. “You are perceptive, good Karitas,” she tried her best at a compliment. As it was both true and to the point, she believed she had succeeded.
“Whenever it comes to you,” he smiled and made her morning bright.
_______________________________________________________________________
Arlethia and Esther walked next to each other in silence. The former tried to keep up with the latter. There was a noticeable size difference between them, Esther being over half-a-head taller than the succubus. That alone wouldn’t have been enough to make Arlethia lag behind, but the raven-haired woman also marched at a fast pace. It was in her nature to get everywhere in a sensible timeframe. Arlethia did her best to keep up.
They arrived at the station exactly as the train pulled into it. Without any issue, they went inside and found a cabin to claim as their own. Esther sat down on one side, Arlethia on the other. The train started moving. The silence prevailed. Esther pulled her Ashod out of the holster on the belt and checked on her finances.
‘Karitas is bound to mismanage his funds again. I am best advised to put aside what I save in breakfast expenses,’ she thought. Somehow, after yesterday, she had agreed not to pay him back. She wasn’t quite sure why she had agreed that him earning the bonus from the Anomalia class meant that she no longer had to pay him back, but Karitas had smiled and insisted. Eventually, she had yielded. ‘Next time he mismanages, we will be prepared.’
“What’cha smiling about?” Arlethia asked out of nowhere, her voice equally inquiring and oddly smug. That the unknown expression on Esther’s face then collapsed only caused the succubus to laugh. “It’s fine to look happy, princess.”
“Princess?” Esther asked, narrowing her eyes at Arlethia. “Why do you call me that?”
“I just like the sound of that word.” The large-chested succubus leaned onto the table. “Do you like ‘milady’ better? Or is it about who says it, mhm?”
“Yes,” answered Esther to that question. “Applying to all statements.”
“Can’t answer ‘Yes’ to ‘What’cha thinking about?’ though,” Arlethia pointed out, her waving tail occasionally peeking out behind her. “It was about Karitas, wasn’t it? It was, right?”
“I was thinking about him, yes,” Esther confirmed without much of a thought. “What makes you inquire about this?”
“Just want to see if or when you two decide to get together,” the succubus responded. “Never seen Karitas in a real relationship before. Closest he had… well, as it turned out, that girl was SUPER crazy. She stabbed him when they broke up, but he already had his Astral Body, so nothing much happened.”
“A disdainful individual, I am certain,” Esther hissed. She put her Ashod away and instead concentrated on keeping her breathing steady. Anger, at least, was an emotion she could control well.
“Not to talk about him the entire time, what class are you even getting to?” Arlethia asked.
“Anomalia Management for Queens.”
“Seriously? Me too!” the red-skinned shortstack exclaimed, just as the train came to a soft halt. “Fancy that, you should have said something!”
“I had no reason to,” Esther responded. ‘Am I supposed to say more? Keeping a conversation going is tedious,’ she thought. Luckily, her partner was skilled at chatting.
“Well, good we found out now, would have been super awkward if we got there and only then realized.” They got off the train and started walking through the underground complex. The main station at Welldark University was an impressive complex. Some of the walls reached the surface. Stained glass windows caught the daylight, sending multi-coloured images into the otherwise artificially lit, gothic tunnels underneath. Vast arches supported the hallways and the tunnels of dark, polished stone.
A few vending machines and small bakeries decorated pillars and corners respectively. They gave sustenance to students and teachers that were happy to pay the additional money for the immediacy of a snack. Esther would have doubtlessly fallen prey to this, had the breakfast not been so hearty. She made a mental note to swim an extra few rows today, to get rid of all the bacon grease. Ruining her current state of fitness was inadvisable.
“So, why did you take the course?” Arlethia probed her fellow student some more.
“I lack experience in the field of communication. If I am to become Karitas’ Queen, then I need further education.”
“You always put things in rather elaborate terms.”
“My intention is to use as few words as possible and remain undoubtedly clear in my meaning,” Esther responded. “Most people say too much, too little or nothing at all.”
“I guess that’s a thing that happens a lot?” Arlethia nodded and earned herself an annoyed glance from Esther. “What?”
“You provided a basic example,” the raven-haired lady shook her head, the low-bound ponytail brushing over her back. “’I guess’ is redundant, you are making an objective statement. ‘that’s a thing’ is using an unnecessary filler word, inviting more miscommunication. Your tone identifies it as a question. Your gesture, by contrast, implies a statement. You responded before finishing your thoughts on the matter.”
“It’s how normal people talk, what can I say,” Arlethia shrugged.
“It is unclear, imprecise, unnecessary and ineloquent,” Esther sharply retorted and suddenly there was silence again. It only occurred to her that she may have insulted Arlethia by the time they had reached the classroom. Once more, the apology got stuck in the preliminary stages.
Perhaps her worry was unfounded, Arlethia continued talking as if nothing had happened, once they were looking around. “Pretty big room,” she noted. It was another one of the semi-circular variety. Albeit, any kind of sexual modifications were not part of this one’s inventory. “Oh hey, that’s a familiar face over there…,” the red headed demon pointed over at Aclysia, who nodded respectfully in their direction but paid no further attention to them. “…and over there is Karona.”
Esther turned her head to see the grey-skinned succubus. Already, she could feel her jaw tense. It was clear that Karona noticed them but only gave them a wink. She appeared busy conversing with other people in the room. Most prominently, a woman who was entirely made of a dark grey, almost black, slime.
Relaxing her jaw, Esther managed to word the next best thing to an apology. “If your preference is to spend the class with Karona, I will not be offended if you decide to do so, Arlethia.”
“Nah, I’m good,” she assured her and the two of them got a seat close to the front. “You can be a bit harsh, but I already knew that before we got here,” Arlethia joked. “We’re going to spend like a year together in that house, so we should get used to each other, no?”
“Agreed,” Esther felt relieved, but not much of that made it out. She placed her bag on the floor and the tricorne on the table. “I have a question, patient Arlethia.”
“Shoot away.”
“What, primarily, brought you to this lecture?”
“Interest, for the most part. I figure that there is a bunch of stuff I don’t know about this whole harem business yet and given that I’ll co-lead one, I should know all about it,” Arlethia’s answer sounded so easy going that Esther found herself oddly inadequate next to her.
“You speak of this as if it is of barely any consequence,” she noted.
“I got used to the idea years ago,” the demon shrugged. “I’m from Hell. Dunno where you’re from, but monogamous marriage isn’t exactly the norm down there. Most demons just fuck around their entire lives. What, you having problems?”
Esther remained quiet and Arlethia waited with a quizzical expression on her face. “I am pondering a truthful answer,” the raven-haired lady eventually said, not wanting to seem like she was ignoring her seat-neighbour. However, she couldn’t find anything to say. Not before the teacher arrived anyway.
It was another woman. Unsurprising, given the subject matter and statistics of the Dimensional Truth. She was of average height, average beauty and a bit above average broadness. Not to her detriment, her breasts, butt and thighs all grew with the bit of plush she had on her stomach. She wasn’t fat or unhealthy by any description, just not as lean and smooth as Esther was. The raven-haired lady knew this to be entirely a matter of preference.
As it was, the black mark around her left ring finger clearly indicated that she was in an Anomalia. Perhaps she was less attractive than many of the young, athletic students around, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t have to prove that she was gorgeous, having found a partner of her own already. “Welcome,” her voice was quite charismatic. Again, not outstanding, but she did as good teachers did and caught the attention of the room. “To Anomalia Management class for Queens. My name is Veliona Lionflower. Refer to me in a casual tone, if you want to, I don’t care that much.” She took a short pause to look around. “I see that, like every year, this course is well visited.”
That was an understatement of the highest order. Every semester brought about 1000 new people to Welldark. About 900 of those were women and of those 900 women, about a third were present. Likely, most first semester students had taken one of these management classes, everyone eager to become a Queen themselves. Not a single man was present, to little surprise. Aside from the rare gay man (most of whom went to more niche Cosmic Univesities catering to their tastes) there was no motivation to visit such a clearly labelled course.
“I’ll break the news to you as clearly as is possible: most of you will not become Queens,” Veliona stated. “It’s a mathematical reality. If we assume Heart and Cross Anomalias average out, then only one in eight of you will become a Queen. Many of you will find yourself in your position before this semester ends. Even if you DON’T become the Queen of whatever Anomalia you find yourself in, I do recommend you stay here…. And I don’t just say that because a higher attendance increases my wage.”
The joke earned a good amount of laughter and Veliona took the slowly subsiding giggles as an opportunity to take a sip of water. Then she continued, “No, the thing is, even if you aren’t the Queen, it can be pretty important to know what your Queen is going through. I’ll just assume that you all want to live as part of a healthy Anomalia. Your Queen will appreciate all the help she can get in that endeavour. It can be, I assure you, quite stressful. Having about eight women all surrounding one man can lead to complications that cannot be resolved if the only thing that the members of the Anomalia share is that they love that man. So, listen closely, what you learn here may be the single most important thing for the rest of your social life.
“Now, to address the actual job of a Queen and then talk about the first and primary burden they face, something many of you will have to fight with for at least a year. It all starts with the central issue of almost all Anomalia: they are led by a man.”
Once again, that garnered a good number of chuckles, but Veliona was hurried to continue this time. “Now, men are GREAT. I spend most of my free time with one,” she held up her Anomalia marking like a wedding ring. “And I love him and I love caring for him and I love that he cares for me in ways other women just can’t. All of that said, it doesn’t change that men love to, pardon my directness, fuck every female that’s even remotely attractive. The problem is that attractiveness doesn’t exactly equal compatibility and if we’re talking about a woman who is REALLY attractive, men sometimes… ignore their actual brains in favour of their dicks.
“The Queen has to put her foot down if that happens. Don’t take this as me saying you need to control your man. The real thing you need to do is talk. Remind him that every real relationship he commits to will, inevitably, become a relationship you and the rest of your Anomalia also has to commit to. Preventing the harem from becoming a dysfunctional mess is your primary task. That means that he cannot have everyone he wants. Sometimes he will be angry. Do not let up just because of that. Sometimes, you will be wrong. It’s important to remember that you’re fallible too. Be prepared to admit your faults. Your goal is not to model the harem after your desires, it is to make sure the Anomalia is made up of girls that can love each other. Don’t be the gatekeeper, be the guardian angel.”
So far, Esther was only making notes. None of this struck a real, personal cord with her, because she just couldn’t imagine any of this properly. There was this mental block that kept her from visualizing any situation in which Karitas might have another woman. That awful emotion was impacting her thinking again.
“The main thing that makes men fallible is lust, easily mistaken for love. The main thing that makes us women fallible is jealousy.” Now Esther perked up, in such a sudden fashion that Arlethia looked over. “Alright. Everyone who thinks they won’t have a problem dealing with jealousy, because they come from a culture that’s already including harems or because you think you won’t have issues anyway, you can leave if you want to.”
Esther turned around, not because she was particularly interested, but because she had that illogical idea (and she knew it was illogical) that people would scramble quicker if she observed them. The first out of the door was Karona, and about a quarter of the room soon followed her. Noticeably, Aclysia and Arlethia stayed. Esther knew the former to have grown up in an Anomalia and Arlethia had said her part about Hell’s culture earlier.
“Are you certain you wish to stay?” Esther asked the succubus in her smooth voice.
“Mhm, might be good to know for me. Who knows what’ll happen, right?” Arlethia grinned, obviously not telling the entire story. Narrowing her eyes, Esther glared at the smaller, red-eyed woman until she gave in. “Okay, okay, I do kind of want to watch you squirm a little bit.”
“Your honesty is appreciated, if not the content of your character,” Esther retorted. For some reason, Arlethia found that funny. Her giggles stopped when the lecture continued.
“Well, let’s hope none of them regret that,” Veliona exclaimed and clapped. “Jealousy. Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy… A really complicated emotion. This sounds a bit odd, but women that enter an Anomalia after the Queen have it a lot easier in this regard. This is because the Queen is, usually, the first to be in a relationship with the King and letting someone else in there is often very, very difficult.
“Let’s start with the bad news: you cannot beat jealousy. It is not a logical thing you can reason away. You can try, but it won’t last you long. That is because jealousy is something fundamentally stronger than reason. It’s a fear. A particularly nasty kind of fear that makes you behave like an angry hen protecting her nest against everything that looks like a predator. Why would you take the risk to let your man be snatched away? Every glance at another woman feels like a betrayal of trust. It’s primal, it's illogical, it cannot be reasoned away. This does not, however, mean you can’t do anything about it.”
Esther’s pen was still. She was too busy listening to take notes. The description was uncannily on point with her current situation. She absorbed each word of advice like a sponge that had been left to dry in the desert.
“Jealousy stems from two things: uncertainty and low self-esteem. Solve both of these issues and the jealousy will shrink away and go dormant. And I mean dormant. It won’t vanish, it won’t ever go away, it’s like a sleeping beast. Give it reason to wake up and it will. Just like many other things in your life, it’s a balancing act.
“Let’s talk about self-esteem first. Having low self-esteem doesn’t mean you are a self-loathing thing that hides under a blanket. It can also mean that, but fundamentally having low self-esteem in a relationship means that you feel unworthy. It means you’re overly aware that you’re lacking. You think you’re not worth staying with. If you keep thinking you’re inadequate, your subconscious will keep telling you that he is going to exchange you for someone who is adequate. The horrible part of this is that I’m telling you to fix something that you can’t reason yourself out of by doing something with yourself that you cannot easily reason yourself into. The only way to raise your self-esteem is to keep acting like the person you think your partner would want to be with. And that can be hard. But you have to, otherwise your life won’t improve, alright?
“The good news is that your sense of worth can improve tremendously as your certainty grows. To the point where you can stay a bit of a self-deprecating gremlin. Although you should strive to become as good a person as you can be, it’s just impossible to become literally perfect. You will have your bad sides and you’ll have to compensate elsewhere.
“And that’s where acquiring certainty through your partner, your King, is so important. Jealousy has a strong hold because you fear that he will replace you. That’s a massive trust issue. If you have those, you need to do one of two things. If it’s really early in your relationship, it might be worthwhile to wait. I want you to take that condition really seriously. Do not wait if you have been together for a year. Do wait if you have only known him for a few days or weeks and you’re still figuring each other out. People are complicated and you might just read him wrong, early on.
The other is the same thing that you will always hear: talk. For those among you who haven’t been in a long term relationship yet: there is nothing more important than raising what is an issue before it becomes a crisis. Just sit them down and talk to them. Depending on who he is, he might do inappropriate jokes or seem to not listen. Don’t get angry immediately. There are times when anger is justified, but don’t make it your immediate response. Make them understand that it’s important. If you achieve that, they will look you in the eye and, if they’re worthy of your trust, they will say what you need to hear. With the years, the trust will grow and the jealousy will sleep.”
The segment came to an end and Esther fell back against the comfortable leather chair. Seconds passed while she mulled over those words. They did ring true, but she didn’t know if she could give what was demanded of her. ‘If I want things to be good, I have to,’ she told herself. She refused to be haunted by her lack of experience in social manners.
The room, in general, was dead silent. Everyone came to their own realizations about their flaws and what they needed to do, making for a heavy atmosphere.
“Alright, I want you all to think about what I said today,” Veliona spoke softly to the room. “Think about the balance you need to achieve. You need to be the voice of reason when your man takes interest in an absolutely vile vixen. You also need to control your jealousy. Next week, we’ll get more into the ways you can have important talks with your King. Then we gradually move into multiple functioning models about how to manage your Anomalia. Mostly in terms of time and internal conflicts. Dismissed.”
The women in the room started packing their bags. Although Esther did as well, her hands moved much slower than usual.
“Ya doing fine?” Arlethia asked from the side, her tone indicating genuine worry.
The raven-haired lady’s hands stopped entirely, as she struggled for words. ‘Come on,’ she scolded herself. ‘I should be the person I ought to be. Continue to excel.’ “I want to… apologize,” the sounds finally passed her lips. Once that one word was out, it was surprisingly easy. “For continuously sounding deprecating. It is my intent to be truthful, not demeaning.”
“…that’s so unfair, I can’t even make fun of you for being so wholesome…” Arlethia mumbled and then grinned at her. “Alright, let’s go eat some ice cream or something.”
“That would have a negative impact on my daily calorie intake,” Esther denied, but was already taken by the arm. Physically inferior, Arlethia still managed to drag her along somehow. “My schedule…”
“Your schedule can survive a bit of fun,” the succubus decided.
Unqueenly Jealousy
‘My worries these days are amplified uncomfortably…’ Esther thought, running the fine comb through her drying hair. It was the second half of her morning ritual of getting her hair straight. Like always, it was a largely futile effort. Every stroke of her comb left the strands of hair to wave, wind and fluff out into various directions. During a resigned moment, she lowered her hands and inspected the person that met her gaze in the mirror.
The raven-haired woman looked at herself. At her face and at the person behind it.
Esther would have never described herself as gorgeous, such would have been a vain indulgence in her eyes, but she knew she looked good. Her face was pleasingly symmetrical. Her lips were red, full and slightly glossy on their own. Her nose sat in the right place, neither too big nor too small. Same for her ears. Her eyes had a pleasant cut to them, with her dark eyelashes and brows being sharp and dense. By the conventional standards of beauty, she fit the definition. It was all objectively measurable, it didn’t take any level of self-aggrandisement to look at it.
Only her hair, she found horrible. Even semi-wet as it was, it went all over the place. The volume was almost domineering. Each individual strand fanned out, as it fell downwards, each taking a life on their own. Tips curled and waved slightly, as strands ran criss-cross over each other. Most annoying was the one that ran diagonally over her face. It stayed out of the way of things (at the current length) but it bothered her regardless. The sole solace was that her hair obeyed the laws of gravity. If parts of it had stuck out sideways or upwards, it would have caused her additional distress.
Esther couldn’t remember when she had last inspected herself to this degree. Usually, the mirror was a tool that merely existed to check on her physical condition. Today was different. Albeit she couldn’t put her finger on how. After a few moments of deliberation, she grabbed the white band from the board under the mirror. Three twists of her nimble fingers in, she stopped, shook her head, and put the band down again.
Nothing about her physical condition was different. Binding her hair now would leave it even more disorderly than usual. There were no shortcuts to making it appear adequate. Esther took the comb and continued where she had left off. Every part of her hair had to be given steady attention. Smooth as it was, the comb slid through without issue. Getting it to fall in proper lines was the entire battle.
Esther had taken other measures to tame her mane in the past. The obvious two, reducing her hair to a buzzcut or using a flat iron, had both been failures. To be completely clear, the flat iron had been a demonstrable failure. While it succeeded in straightening her hair out for a few hours, it didn’t last the entire day. What she was left with was a pleasingly quick morning ritual, but a second half of the day in which she looked like she hadn’t done anything. Inacceptable, by her standards. Cutting it short had been factually effective. However, she couldn’t stand the way she had looked with short hair and had grown it out again.
Only recently, had she realized why that was. Esther desired to excel in all things she attempted. To prove to herself that she was and could be an outstanding individual. That she also desired to be a lady deserving of the title, that she had only realized recently. It had taken to know someone who was worthy of the effort. ‘Karitas,’ the name entered her thoughts unconsciously.
He was the sole reason why her worries were so amplified these days. On her own, she could sort out any problem in short order. She had always fixed her own issues, always chasing the solution diligently, always demanding more of herself. Others hadn’t kept up with her. They had been content being flawed, content leaving things to her. With him, it was different. Fixing his problems for him, attempting as much, had gotten her scolded. He wanted them to solve these things - together.
Esther noticed, in her reflection, that the corners of her lips were slightly raised. She was doing that a lot the last couple of days. Smiling was a strange sight on her face and an even stranger feeling. Strange, but not unwelcome.
‘It appears not only my worries are amplified,’ she realized and sighed. A deep, heavy sigh, making audible the complicated mess she felt. A sound that temporarily lifted the weight off her soul.
Since the man of her interest had so abruptly announced himself into her life, it had been an up and down two weeks. Whenever he did or said something stupid, the wrath she felt was stronger than anything else in the past few years. For every other person Esther had ever had contact with, they had stepped away from her after one or two of her rebukes. Fine on her own, she had let go of them. All she needed was to prove to herself that she could excel. Excess weight was nothing to keep hold off.
Karitas was staying. More than that, he managed to impress her. With his strength, of body and of character. Like all people, he had his flaws. Most, like his extrapolating, were things she got used to. Others, like his spending habits, he tried to remedy. Few, like his perversion, she found herself reciprocating. He helped her discover things about herself, good and bad, that she hadn’t been previously aware of. It was wonderful, in a strange, labyrinthine way. She wanted more of it. More of him.
The memory of a certain succubus bubbled up in her mind. A demonic seductress with greyish white skin, her thin tail coiled around Karitas’ arm, leaning even closer towards him. She flaunted her sexuality and he looked back at her with clear attraction. His body reacted to her. Sometimes, he looked at her instead of Esther.
The comb scraped over her head, making Esther realize the unnecessary force she was putting into her motions. ‘Why is it HIS conduct that annoys me so greatly?’ she asked herself. No specific answer came from inside her mind. She knew, however, what she was feeling. Jealousy. A completely new emotion for her. Never had she felt like someone she loved would be taken away before.
Esther absolutely loathed that feeling. Most of all, how impossible it was to get a grip on it. No matter from what angle she analysed it, she couldn’t reason it away.
Karona, much as Esther disliked admitting it, was attractive. Naturally, a man and a pervert like Karitas would look at her reflexively. Even Esther’s eyes were occasionally drawn to the succubus’ curves. None of this should matter, as long as he ultimately looked at her, the one he was chasing. Which he had done every time. So, why did it bother Esther? Why was she not satisfied with the actions he had taken? Why did she blame him for Karona kissing him on the cheek?
Always, somehow, her thoughts looped back to him being at fault. Reasonably, she knew he wasn’t. ‘What do I require him to do to please these base instincts? Perform in the world blinded, sealed inside a bubble?’ That her jealous side considered that a somewhat viable strategy irked her extremely. Shoving that bit of herself aside, she stopped this fruitless contemplation and returned to looking at herself in the mirror. Purely for the sake of checking her hair, this time around.
It was as straight as it would be, only turning wild halfway down and towards the tips. At least she could get an orderly ponytail done this way. Raising her chin, she carefully combed everything backwards. By the time she was done, her hair had fully dried.
Letting her hair air dry was the only way to do it. Dryers worsened the way her hair fanned out and using a towel worsened the criss-cross wildness of the individual strands. Best she could do was wrap a towel around her head after showering, sucking out some of the initial moisture.
One last stroke of the comb and she secured her silky hair in an orderly bundle. Once she had wrapped the white ribbon around and properly tied it, she was finally content with the state of her hair. Where it curved over her head, it was orderly. Past the ribbon, the wildness still showed itself. A couple of particularly rebellious strands peeled out of the ponytail after a couple of seconds and framed her heart-shaped face.
For a moment, she turned back to the mirror and softly tugged at one of those strands. ‘Karitas liked that bit of disorderliness,’ she thought and found herself not disliking those strands as much as she usually did. She deliberately tugged a few more strands out of their confinement, to give that frame more substance. If she was going to cede ground to chaos, she was going to do it right. Finally, she grabbed her tricorne, sitting in arm’s reach.
With the hat in place, she stepped away from the mirror and over to where she had placed her shirt. She focused heavily on the buttons, as she put it on. The last thing she wanted was to glimpse over her shoulder and catch her reflection. Nothing good would come of that.
After closing the perfectly fitting top and wiggling herself into equally well-sitting pants, Esther was dressed for the single class of the day. Only her empty stomach now put a barrier between herself and polite society. She opened the door, only to be met by the smell of sizzling bacon from the kitchen. It permeated the air and she had to stay relaxed to prevent a very unladylike growling from echoing out from her stomach.
With steps harsher and more hurried than she preferred, she stomped towards the kitchen. Despite that approach, Karitas only greeted her with a smile. “I thought I would invest in something nice with the money we got yesterday,” he announced, waggling around a thick slice of meat, before dropping it in the pan. “Bacon and eggs sounded exactly like something nice.”
He was right. It smelled splendid. Doubtlessly, it would taste the part as well. Esther still heard herself say something harsh. “Wasting your funds, the moment your coffers are no longer empty, is an unwise action, Karitas.” It was meant as advice, but came across as berating. Even she understood that much. However, she couldn’t just apologize afterwards. Because she couldn’t. Period.
The blue-eyed man stepped away from the pan after loading something on a plate and walked over. His white hair looked good, as always. All of him looked good. He was a well-balanced display of manliness and his trained physique had a pronounced effect on her. His chest was broad, his jawbones pronounced (but not overly strong) and his white hair was ordered just enough to not get in the way, despite its relative length.
Once he had put down the plate, with one hand, he pulled back the chair closest to her. The other, he placed on her lower back and gently pushed. The contact had become normal at this point, but caused a pleasant warmth to swell in her chest regardless. “Milady, may I suggest you indulge? Whether my conduct annoys you or not, the meat has already been bought and prepared, it would be a waste to let it grow cold, would it not?”
‘Cease your patience,’ Esther wanted to scream out, but instead sat down straight and grabbed the fork already in place. He was right and her social skills suffered immensely when she was hungry. It didn’t help that she was already irritated with herself. Quietly, she shovelled the food into herself and did her best to ignore Karitas’ gaze. How he desired her and her imperfect personality even in these moments was beyond her understanding.
Esther heard the footsteps of the person joining them before she heard the voice of the succubus. “Morning,” Arlethia chirped, half a dance in her steps. Her red hair wasn’t exactly orderly, but it was mostly straight. She could probably get it in full order if she just took a little more time. “Ooooh, bacon,” the red-skinned succubus fished a slice out of the pan, eating it as it was. “Hot – hot – hot – hot.”
“If you weren’t a demon, it would be more than just hot, you would have just burned your fingers and tongue,” Karitas reprimanded, swinging the spatula he was using in Arlethia’s direction. She dodged with ease.
“Did you actually try to hit me or did ya just want to see my tits jiggle?” the red-skinned demonette joked.
“If I had wanted to hit you, I would have,” was Karitas’ answer, coming along with a wide grin. “You have exactly two good qualities. What else Willt likes about you is beyond me.”
‘This does not bother me. Why?’ Esther wondered, narrowing her eyes while chewing. With the increase of protein in her system, her thoughts calmed a fair bit. She found her answer in the way Arlethia stabbed Karitas in the side with a finger and the man of her interest only proceeded to respond in kind. Sure, he made lewd jokes, but nothing about that was flirtatious. ‘Arlethia is no competition, that is the answer.’
That was somewhat helpful a realization, but didn’t solve her current conundrum.
“Anyway,” Karitas brought the talk to something normal, once he had filled his own plate. “Why are you up so early?” He sat down next to Esther and began to eat.
“I got a class in an hour. Better question, why are you up so early? I know you hate mornings.”
“Ah!” Karitas exclaimed and Esther immediately recognized the tone. The next few sentences would be unnecessarily long-winded. “You must recognize, my dear Arlethukinia, that I do indeed despise the morning star that wakes me from my slumber. As it is, however, I do wish to provide a nice morning for my desire, made manifest with raven hair this morning. And how beautiful she looks again this morning indeed!” Empty flattery, something every man could say. It took no observational effort. “I see you changed your hair a little,” he stopped that pompous speech to address her directly, establishing eye contact between them that didn’t break for a moment while he spoke. “I really like it, Esther.”
She felt her entire body tense for the time it took her heart to skip a beat. “You are perceptive, good Karitas,” she tried her best at a compliment. As it was both true and to the point, she believed she had succeeded.
“Whenever it comes to you,” he smiled and made her morning bright.
_______________________________________________________________________
Arlethia and Esther walked next to each other in silence. The former tried to keep up with the latter. There was a noticeable size difference between them, Esther being over half-a-head taller than the succubus. That alone wouldn’t have been enough to make Arlethia lag behind, but the raven-haired woman also marched at a fast pace. It was in her nature to get everywhere in a sensible timeframe. Arlethia did her best to keep up.
They arrived at the station exactly as the train pulled into it. Without any issue, they went inside and found a cabin to claim as their own. Esther sat down on one side, Arlethia on the other. The train started moving. The silence prevailed. Esther pulled her Ashod out of the holster on the belt and checked on her finances.
‘Karitas is bound to mismanage his funds again. I am best advised to put aside what I save in breakfast expenses,’ she thought. Somehow, after yesterday, she had agreed not to pay him back. She wasn’t quite sure why she had agreed that him earning the bonus from the Anomalia class meant that she no longer had to pay him back, but Karitas had smiled and insisted. Eventually, she had yielded. ‘Next time he mismanages, we will be prepared.’
“What’cha smiling about?” Arlethia asked out of nowhere, her voice equally inquiring and oddly smug. That the unknown expression on Esther’s face then collapsed only caused the succubus to laugh. “It’s fine to look happy, princess.”
“Princess?” Esther asked, narrowing her eyes at Arlethia. “Why do you call me that?”
“I just like the sound of that word.” The large-chested succubus leaned onto the table. “Do you like ‘milady’ better? Or is it about who says it, mhm?”
“Yes,” answered Esther to that question. “Applying to all statements.”
“Can’t answer ‘Yes’ to ‘What’cha thinking about?’ though,” Arlethia pointed out, her waving tail occasionally peeking out behind her. “It was about Karitas, wasn’t it? It was, right?”
“I was thinking about him, yes,” Esther confirmed without much of a thought. “What makes you inquire about this?”
“Just want to see if or when you two decide to get together,” the succubus responded. “Never seen Karitas in a real relationship before. Closest he had… well, as it turned out, that girl was SUPER crazy. She stabbed him when they broke up, but he already had his Astral Body, so nothing much happened.”
“A disdainful individual, I am certain,” Esther hissed. She put her Ashod away and instead concentrated on keeping her breathing steady. Anger, at least, was an emotion she could control well.
“Not to talk about him the entire time, what class are you even getting to?” Arlethia asked.
“Anomalia Management for Queens.”
“Seriously? Me too!” the red-skinned shortstack exclaimed, just as the train came to a soft halt. “Fancy that, you should have said something!”
“I had no reason to,” Esther responded. ‘Am I supposed to say more? Keeping a conversation going is tedious,’ she thought. Luckily, her partner was skilled at chatting.
“Well, good we found out now, would have been super awkward if we got there and only then realized.” They got off the train and started walking through the underground complex. The main station at Welldark University was an impressive complex. Some of the walls reached the surface. Stained glass windows caught the daylight, sending multi-coloured images into the otherwise artificially lit, gothic tunnels underneath. Vast arches supported the hallways and the tunnels of dark, polished stone.
A few vending machines and small bakeries decorated pillars and corners respectively. They gave sustenance to students and teachers that were happy to pay the additional money for the immediacy of a snack. Esther would have doubtlessly fallen prey to this, had the breakfast not been so hearty. She made a mental note to swim an extra few rows today, to get rid of all the bacon grease. Ruining her current state of fitness was inadvisable.
“So, why did you take the course?” Arlethia probed her fellow student some more.
“I lack experience in the field of communication. If I am to become Karitas’ Queen, then I need further education.”
“You always put things in rather elaborate terms.”
“My intention is to use as few words as possible and remain undoubtedly clear in my meaning,” Esther responded. “Most people say too much, too little or nothing at all.”
“I guess that’s a thing that happens a lot?” Arlethia nodded and earned herself an annoyed glance from Esther. “What?”
“You provided a basic example,” the raven-haired lady shook her head, the low-bound ponytail brushing over her back. “’I guess’ is redundant, you are making an objective statement. ‘that’s a thing’ is using an unnecessary filler word, inviting more miscommunication. Your tone identifies it as a question. Your gesture, by contrast, implies a statement. You responded before finishing your thoughts on the matter.”
“It’s how normal people talk, what can I say,” Arlethia shrugged.
“It is unclear, imprecise, unnecessary and ineloquent,” Esther sharply retorted and suddenly there was silence again. It only occurred to her that she may have insulted Arlethia by the time they had reached the classroom. Once more, the apology got stuck in the preliminary stages.
Perhaps her worry was unfounded, Arlethia continued talking as if nothing had happened, once they were looking around. “Pretty big room,” she noted. It was another one of the semi-circular variety. Albeit, any kind of sexual modifications were not part of this one’s inventory. “Oh hey, that’s a familiar face over there…,” the red headed demon pointed over at Aclysia, who nodded respectfully in their direction but paid no further attention to them. “…and over there is Karona.”
Esther turned her head to see the grey-skinned succubus. Already, she could feel her jaw tense. It was clear that Karona noticed them but only gave them a wink. She appeared busy conversing with other people in the room. Most prominently, a woman who was entirely made of a dark grey, almost black, slime.
Relaxing her jaw, Esther managed to word the next best thing to an apology. “If your preference is to spend the class with Karona, I will not be offended if you decide to do so, Arlethia.”
“Nah, I’m good,” she assured her and the two of them got a seat close to the front. “You can be a bit harsh, but I already knew that before we got here,” Arlethia joked. “We’re going to spend like a year together in that house, so we should get used to each other, no?”
“Agreed,” Esther felt relieved, but not much of that made it out. She placed her bag on the floor and the tricorne on the table. “I have a question, patient Arlethia.”
“Shoot away.”
“What, primarily, brought you to this lecture?”
“Interest, for the most part. I figure that there is a bunch of stuff I don’t know about this whole harem business yet and given that I’ll co-lead one, I should know all about it,” Arlethia’s answer sounded so easy going that Esther found herself oddly inadequate next to her.
“You speak of this as if it is of barely any consequence,” she noted.
“I got used to the idea years ago,” the demon shrugged. “I’m from Hell. Dunno where you’re from, but monogamous marriage isn’t exactly the norm down there. Most demons just fuck around their entire lives. What, you having problems?”
Esther remained quiet and Arlethia waited with a quizzical expression on her face. “I am pondering a truthful answer,” the raven-haired lady eventually said, not wanting to seem like she was ignoring her seat-neighbour. However, she couldn’t find anything to say. Not before the teacher arrived anyway.
It was another woman. Unsurprising, given the subject matter and statistics of the Dimensional Truth. She was of average height, average beauty and a bit above average broadness. Not to her detriment, her breasts, butt and thighs all grew with the bit of plush she had on her stomach. She wasn’t fat or unhealthy by any description, just not as lean and smooth as Esther was. The raven-haired lady knew this to be entirely a matter of preference.
As it was, the black mark around her left ring finger clearly indicated that she was in an Anomalia. Perhaps she was less attractive than many of the young, athletic students around, but that didn’t matter. She didn’t have to prove that she was gorgeous, having found a partner of her own already. “Welcome,” her voice was quite charismatic. Again, not outstanding, but she did as good teachers did and caught the attention of the room. “To Anomalia Management class for Queens. My name is Veliona Lionflower. Refer to me in a casual tone, if you want to, I don’t care that much.” She took a short pause to look around. “I see that, like every year, this course is well visited.”
That was an understatement of the highest order. Every semester brought about 1000 new people to Welldark. About 900 of those were women and of those 900 women, about a third were present. Likely, most first semester students had taken one of these management classes, everyone eager to become a Queen themselves. Not a single man was present, to little surprise. Aside from the rare gay man (most of whom went to more niche Cosmic Univesities catering to their tastes) there was no motivation to visit such a clearly labelled course.
“I’ll break the news to you as clearly as is possible: most of you will not become Queens,” Veliona stated. “It’s a mathematical reality. If we assume Heart and Cross Anomalias average out, then only one in eight of you will become a Queen. Many of you will find yourself in your position before this semester ends. Even if you DON’T become the Queen of whatever Anomalia you find yourself in, I do recommend you stay here…. And I don’t just say that because a higher attendance increases my wage.”
The joke earned a good amount of laughter and Veliona took the slowly subsiding giggles as an opportunity to take a sip of water. Then she continued, “No, the thing is, even if you aren’t the Queen, it can be pretty important to know what your Queen is going through. I’ll just assume that you all want to live as part of a healthy Anomalia. Your Queen will appreciate all the help she can get in that endeavour. It can be, I assure you, quite stressful. Having about eight women all surrounding one man can lead to complications that cannot be resolved if the only thing that the members of the Anomalia share is that they love that man. So, listen closely, what you learn here may be the single most important thing for the rest of your social life.
“Now, to address the actual job of a Queen and then talk about the first and primary burden they face, something many of you will have to fight with for at least a year. It all starts with the central issue of almost all Anomalia: they are led by a man.”
Once again, that garnered a good number of chuckles, but Veliona was hurried to continue this time. “Now, men are GREAT. I spend most of my free time with one,” she held up her Anomalia marking like a wedding ring. “And I love him and I love caring for him and I love that he cares for me in ways other women just can’t. All of that said, it doesn’t change that men love to, pardon my directness, fuck every female that’s even remotely attractive. The problem is that attractiveness doesn’t exactly equal compatibility and if we’re talking about a woman who is REALLY attractive, men sometimes… ignore their actual brains in favour of their dicks.
“The Queen has to put her foot down if that happens. Don’t take this as me saying you need to control your man. The real thing you need to do is talk. Remind him that every real relationship he commits to will, inevitably, become a relationship you and the rest of your Anomalia also has to commit to. Preventing the harem from becoming a dysfunctional mess is your primary task. That means that he cannot have everyone he wants. Sometimes he will be angry. Do not let up just because of that. Sometimes, you will be wrong. It’s important to remember that you’re fallible too. Be prepared to admit your faults. Your goal is not to model the harem after your desires, it is to make sure the Anomalia is made up of girls that can love each other. Don’t be the gatekeeper, be the guardian angel.”
So far, Esther was only making notes. None of this struck a real, personal cord with her, because she just couldn’t imagine any of this properly. There was this mental block that kept her from visualizing any situation in which Karitas might have another woman. That awful emotion was impacting her thinking again.
“The main thing that makes men fallible is lust, easily mistaken for love. The main thing that makes us women fallible is jealousy.” Now Esther perked up, in such a sudden fashion that Arlethia looked over. “Alright. Everyone who thinks they won’t have a problem dealing with jealousy, because they come from a culture that’s already including harems or because you think you won’t have issues anyway, you can leave if you want to.”
Esther turned around, not because she was particularly interested, but because she had that illogical idea (and she knew it was illogical) that people would scramble quicker if she observed them. The first out of the door was Karona, and about a quarter of the room soon followed her. Noticeably, Aclysia and Arlethia stayed. Esther knew the former to have grown up in an Anomalia and Arlethia had said her part about Hell’s culture earlier.
“Are you certain you wish to stay?” Esther asked the succubus in her smooth voice.
“Mhm, might be good to know for me. Who knows what’ll happen, right?” Arlethia grinned, obviously not telling the entire story. Narrowing her eyes, Esther glared at the smaller, red-eyed woman until she gave in. “Okay, okay, I do kind of want to watch you squirm a little bit.”
“Your honesty is appreciated, if not the content of your character,” Esther retorted. For some reason, Arlethia found that funny. Her giggles stopped when the lecture continued.
“Well, let’s hope none of them regret that,” Veliona exclaimed and clapped. “Jealousy. Jealousy, jealousy, jealousy… A really complicated emotion. This sounds a bit odd, but women that enter an Anomalia after the Queen have it a lot easier in this regard. This is because the Queen is, usually, the first to be in a relationship with the King and letting someone else in there is often very, very difficult.
“Let’s start with the bad news: you cannot beat jealousy. It is not a logical thing you can reason away. You can try, but it won’t last you long. That is because jealousy is something fundamentally stronger than reason. It’s a fear. A particularly nasty kind of fear that makes you behave like an angry hen protecting her nest against everything that looks like a predator. Why would you take the risk to let your man be snatched away? Every glance at another woman feels like a betrayal of trust. It’s primal, it's illogical, it cannot be reasoned away. This does not, however, mean you can’t do anything about it.”
Esther’s pen was still. She was too busy listening to take notes. The description was uncannily on point with her current situation. She absorbed each word of advice like a sponge that had been left to dry in the desert.
“Jealousy stems from two things: uncertainty and low self-esteem. Solve both of these issues and the jealousy will shrink away and go dormant. And I mean dormant. It won’t vanish, it won’t ever go away, it’s like a sleeping beast. Give it reason to wake up and it will. Just like many other things in your life, it’s a balancing act.
“Let’s talk about self-esteem first. Having low self-esteem doesn’t mean you are a self-loathing thing that hides under a blanket. It can also mean that, but fundamentally having low self-esteem in a relationship means that you feel unworthy. It means you’re overly aware that you’re lacking. You think you’re not worth staying with. If you keep thinking you’re inadequate, your subconscious will keep telling you that he is going to exchange you for someone who is adequate. The horrible part of this is that I’m telling you to fix something that you can’t reason yourself out of by doing something with yourself that you cannot easily reason yourself into. The only way to raise your self-esteem is to keep acting like the person you think your partner would want to be with. And that can be hard. But you have to, otherwise your life won’t improve, alright?
“The good news is that your sense of worth can improve tremendously as your certainty grows. To the point where you can stay a bit of a self-deprecating gremlin. Although you should strive to become as good a person as you can be, it’s just impossible to become literally perfect. You will have your bad sides and you’ll have to compensate elsewhere.
“And that’s where acquiring certainty through your partner, your King, is so important. Jealousy has a strong hold because you fear that he will replace you. That’s a massive trust issue. If you have those, you need to do one of two things. If it’s really early in your relationship, it might be worthwhile to wait. I want you to take that condition really seriously. Do not wait if you have been together for a year. Do wait if you have only known him for a few days or weeks and you’re still figuring each other out. People are complicated and you might just read him wrong, early on.
The other is the same thing that you will always hear: talk. For those among you who haven’t been in a long term relationship yet: there is nothing more important than raising what is an issue before it becomes a crisis. Just sit them down and talk to them. Depending on who he is, he might do inappropriate jokes or seem to not listen. Don’t get angry immediately. There are times when anger is justified, but don’t make it your immediate response. Make them understand that it’s important. If you achieve that, they will look you in the eye and, if they’re worthy of your trust, they will say what you need to hear. With the years, the trust will grow and the jealousy will sleep.”
The segment came to an end and Esther fell back against the comfortable leather chair. Seconds passed while she mulled over those words. They did ring true, but she didn’t know if she could give what was demanded of her. ‘If I want things to be good, I have to,’ she told herself. She refused to be haunted by her lack of experience in social manners.
The room, in general, was dead silent. Everyone came to their own realizations about their flaws and what they needed to do, making for a heavy atmosphere.
“Alright, I want you all to think about what I said today,” Veliona spoke softly to the room. “Think about the balance you need to achieve. You need to be the voice of reason when your man takes interest in an absolutely vile vixen. You also need to control your jealousy. Next week, we’ll get more into the ways you can have important talks with your King. Then we gradually move into multiple functioning models about how to manage your Anomalia. Mostly in terms of time and internal conflicts. Dismissed.”
The women in the room started packing their bags. Although Esther did as well, her hands moved much slower than usual.
“Ya doing fine?” Arlethia asked from the side, her tone indicating genuine worry.
The raven-haired lady’s hands stopped entirely, as she struggled for words. ‘Come on,’ she scolded herself. ‘I should be the person I ought to be. Continue to excel.’ “I want to… apologize,” the sounds finally passed her lips. Once that one word was out, it was surprisingly easy. “For continuously sounding deprecating. It is my intent to be truthful, not demeaning.”
“…that’s so unfair, I can’t even make fun of you for being so wholesome…” Arlethia mumbled and then grinned at her. “Alright, let’s go eat some ice cream or something.”
“That would have a negative impact on my daily calorie intake,” Esther denied, but was already taken by the arm. Physically inferior, Arlethia still managed to drag her along somehow. “My schedule…”
“Your schedule can survive a bit of fun,” the succubus decided.
