This is not what I wanted.
I was hoping for a way back up, not to move even further from the surface. Now, we have no option but to continue downward. Our path back, blocked by that monstrosity. At least we’ll be progressing and not wandering around aimlessly. Hopefully, there will be a way to loop around to the surface down here.
That is, assuming this tunnel doesn’t just end.
“Solvei! What were you thinking?” Remus doesn’t yell, but with the tone he uses, he might as well be. “I told you not to use your fire. So what made you think erupting like that was a good idea?”
“Should I have left you to be eaten by the glow-bugs?” If I didn’t do what I did, they would’ve continued to bite away at their bodies. Why is he mad I saved them?
“Compared to what you brought down on us, yes. Those flies would not have posed much of a problem.”
The bluish membrane of his skin is still littered with blisters and welts, so I can’t help but doubt his words. We got out alive, so is it that big of a deal?
I look at Grímr; reduced to an arachnid smaller than Jav. For what happened to his body, I do feel a bit guilty. But if it’s to escape, then I don’t care about the cost.
I don’t care?
I wouldn’t care if they died? For me to escape? That sounds so wrong… but I can’t say I’m not willing to do anything for my freedom. Keeping my freedom is the greatest desire I have, but I never would have considered sacrificing others for my selfishness. At least, not intentionally. I’ve only thought this way after being trapped down here, haven’t I?
Remus sighs as he watches me devolve into thought. “Just do as I say from now on, regardless of how illogical it may seem to you.”
I don’t respond. These thoughts of mine have inflicted far more worry in me than I could have expected.
They betrayed me… but I don’t want to lose any of them. I don’t know if I want to stay with them after what they did, but they don’t deserve death.
Now that I think about it logically and not with the fear clouding my judgement, they were trying to help me. Even if their method of ‘helping’ was horrible. Their intentions were good, but they should have talked to me first, at the very least.
Even as I think that, a part of my mind combats the thought. They are the ones who put me here. They are the ones who trapped me. Now that I’m aware of it, it’s easy to push it to the side, but it’s concerning that it’s there at all.
I close my eyes as I crawl after Tetsu. Remus follows behind me and Grímr sits on my shoulder. Bizarre how our roles are now reversed.
As my body moves through the tunnel, I focus inside myself. The rope of my thoughts and desires appears before me. As tightly bound as it was after the Fog. I inspect the knots within. The twists in the threads that cause the greatest conflicts of interest. Where my smaller, individual desires go against the greater direction of the rope and snap away from the direction they once wished to move.
The knot that once represented — or maybe caused — my intense phobia of being trapped has snapped. The loose threads retying themselves in a knot completely different from the original. Some threads have yet to tie in with the rest of the whole, but it is obvious something has changed.
My fear of being trapped is no longer there, instead something more complex has taken its place.
Is it possible that under the intense mental strain caused by constant fear, the knot snapped and was forced to evolve into something that wouldn’t kill me? My phobia kept me from acting rationally to escape, which forced me into an inescapable loop. Since the reactionary fear did nothing to help me escape, it has changed.
The only issue is… what has it changed into?
I can think straight now, but I seem to be flooded with thoughts of choosing the most excessive methods to escape. Including sacrificing those I care for.
So because an entirely emotional response was ineffective in helping me escape, my rope of desire has decided that a purely logical response is a better replacement? No morals? No interest in the things I care for? That’s an obscene overadjustment.
Well, it’s good that I know what’s changed. Now, I just need to find a way to avoid hurting the others when my mind forces those ideas upon me.
Should I tell them?
Of course not. Think about how they used the last sensitive bit of info. I don’t trust them not to betray me again.
Before I have the chance to think more on it, Tetsu drops into an opening ahead of us. I fall after her and land in her arms. She places me on the ground, ignoring the other two who drop beside us.
It’s another tunnel, travelling horizontally instead of vertically like the one we came from. The ceiling is low, so I need to bend my neck, but it forces Tetsu and Remus to crouch. It’s still better than crawling, so neither of them complains.
Did that mushroom plant dig all of this, or did it just grow in the tunnel already there? Charred earth mars the walls even all the way down here. It doesn’t continue through the larger tunnel, so I assume this was here before the mushroom.
I wonder if I can get any of that sticky substance? It would be an incredible weapon. Even my team’s bodies were burnt a bit from the explosion when it ignited. Not even my hottest flame can do that yet.
Also, being able to attract those juicy bugs would be amazing.
The tunnel we’ve fallen into has two ways we can go; straight ahead, or where it curves out of sight behind us. We all follow Jav when he points to walk straight ahead.
We don’t walk along the tunnel long before it branches into two paths. Jav leads us down the left without pause.
“Be careful. There are scratch marks along the ground. Some creature frequents this tunnel a lot.”
I look down and sure enough, they are there. But I have no idea how he can tell they belong to a creature rather than just the natural shape of the cave. I don’t doubt him, but I would have ignored them if I were alone.
Bunny takes the lead, with Remus following behind me. Jav sits on Bunny’s shoulder rather than the dohrni for once. As probably the only one of us that still has his bearings, we rely on his directions to find our way out.
I keep close behind as Bunny picks up her pace. The tunnel curves often, bending down and to the side. As we pass, the thickness of the cave changes, but mostly stays wide enough for us to move without trouble. The path branches again. We have two possible paths to follow.
“We should veer to the left from here, but only a single set of scratch-marks lead that way. I can’t see a returning set,” Jav says.
“How many go the other way?” Remus asks.
“It’s hard to say, there’s no way to tell the scratches apart. Either we have a single creature moving back and forth many times, or there are over ten that have passed this way.”
“So either follow the well-beaten path and come across whatever these creatures are or head into the tunnel that we know one of those creatures hasn’t returned from.” Remus leans over my head as he has a look for himself. “Can you tell how old the scratches are?”
“No.”
“Then I think it’s best to follow the scrapes. Let’s hope whatever leaves them isn’t too strong.”
We continue for hours, coming across many such branches in the cave system. Each time we come across a fork, we always avoid the paths that don’t have a returning set of scratches. Some trails split, only to combine again when the tunnels reconnect.
There are plenty of caves that either don’t have any scratch marks or have two sets, but every time we check those paths, we come across a dead end. So, regardless of what danger the creatures that leave these marks might pose, we continue to follow their trail.
Grímr cannot talk without a body to use. So whenever I ask him questions, he’s limited to nodding or shaking his body.
“So, how do we go about getting Grímr a new body?” I ask to the team. It isn’t something I’m all too clear on yet.
“We will subdue an animal and hold it still while he digs his way into their brain.” Bunny taps the back of her own neck. “Most creatures get quite restless when they feel it. It’s a good challenge to keep them pinned as he does his thing.”
“Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury of choosing or planning our fights. Everything down here is still unknown, so he’ll have to settle with whatever we can manage for the time being.”
I look down at Grímr. He raises two of his front limbs in a ‘what can you do?’ gesture. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to lose my body. I can’t imagine it’s an easy thing for him to adjust to; to lose the strength that body contained would be rough.
If the team wasn’t here to help him find a new body, how would he be able to do it himself? There’s no way he’d have the strength to compete with anything, right? Could he do it if he caught something off guard? But if he has to dig into their head, there is no way a creature wouldn’t feel that. They would do everything they can to stop him.
Now that I think about it, we’re heading along a path we know leads to unknown creatures and yet we are down a good portion of our fighting strength. Without Grímr, we’ll have to rely on Bunny and Remus to take the brunt of anything we face. With Jav taking stabs whenever he can get the chance. Although, from how I’ve seen Jav fight so far, I don’t know how well he’ll do in this tight space.
They need someone to pick up the slack, right? I never got the chance to fix my spearmanship.
“Tetsu?” I ask. “Can I have my spear?”
She unlatches it from the bundle with ease and passes it back to me. Not saying a word.
“Solvei, I don’t want you joining any fights for now,” Remus says from behind.
“What, but why?” I turn to him.
“Because I don’t know what to expect. Stay at range and use your flames if you have to, but keep your distance.” He places two of his limbs on my shoulders and I’m pleasantly surprised I don’t feel the tension that rises anymore. I still don’t want them there. In fact, my desire to whip them off is just as strong. Only now, it isn’t an emotional response tearing my gut apart until he lets go.
“I need you to protect Grímr while we fight. Can you do that?”
“Okay,” I concede.
Even if I can’t try out my spear, I can still see if I can burn these creatures. My flames have only gotten stronger recently. I’m just not sure if it will be enough.
I grip my spear as tight as I can and focus on my body control. Instead of only pushing my body to where my flames lose their brightness and become indistinguishable from fleshy skin, I go further. I push the physical flames to the limit of what I can achieve, and then I push harder.
I have no idea how effective it might be, but I hope it gives me added weight behind my swings. It’s a struggle to focus as hard as I am and get no visual response. I can feel my flames getting denser, but I’m unsure how much that is actually helping.
I want to ask Bunny to take one of my hits and tell me how much better it is to what I was doing before, but now is not the time. She is busy watching ahead of us in case anything appears while we’re making our way through.
“Hey, do you hear something?” Jav asks suddenly.
I look at Grímr, who usually has the best hearing, but he shakes his tiny arachnid body at me. Right, that hearing must have been from the panther ears.
“What is it?” Tetsu asks.
“I swear I heard… talking.”
This is not what I wanted.
I was hoping for a way back up, not to move even further from the surface. Now, we have no option but to continue downward. Our path back, blocked by that monstrosity. At least we’ll be progressing and not wandering around aimlessly. Hopefully, there will be a way to loop around to the surface down here.
That is, assuming this tunnel doesn’t just end.
“Solvei! What were you thinking?” Remus doesn’t yell, but with the tone he uses, he might as well be. “I told you not to use your fire. So what made you think erupting like that was a good idea?”
“Should I have left you to be eaten by the glow-bugs?” If I didn’t do what I did, they would’ve continued to bite away at their bodies. Why is he mad I saved them?
“Compared to what you brought down on us, yes. Those flies would not have posed much of a problem.”
The bluish membrane of his skin is still littered with blisters and welts, so I can’t help but doubt his words. We got out alive, so is it that big of a deal?
I look at Grímr; reduced to an arachnid smaller than Jav. For what happened to his body, I do feel a bit guilty. But if it’s to escape, then I don’t care about the cost.
I don’t care?
I wouldn’t care if they died? For me to escape? That sounds so wrong… but I can’t say I’m not willing to do anything for my freedom. Keeping my freedom is the greatest desire I have, but I never would have considered sacrificing others for my selfishness. At least, not intentionally. I’ve only thought this way after being trapped down here, haven’t I?
Remus sighs as he watches me devolve into thought. “Just do as I say from now on, regardless of how illogical it may seem to you.”
I don’t respond. These thoughts of mine have inflicted far more worry in me than I could have expected.
They betrayed me… but I don’t want to lose any of them. I don’t know if I want to stay with them after what they did, but they don’t deserve death.
Now that I think about it logically and not with the fear clouding my judgement, they were trying to help me. Even if their method of ‘helping’ was horrible. Their intentions were good, but they should have talked to me first, at the very least.
Even as I think that, a part of my mind combats the thought. They are the ones who put me here. They are the ones who trapped me. Now that I’m aware of it, it’s easy to push it to the side, but it’s concerning that it’s there at all.
I close my eyes as I crawl after Tetsu. Remus follows behind me and Grímr sits on my shoulder. Bizarre how our roles are now reversed.
As my body moves through the tunnel, I focus inside myself. The rope of my thoughts and desires appears before me. As tightly bound as it was after the Fog. I inspect the knots within. The twists in the threads that cause the greatest conflicts of interest. Where my smaller, individual desires go against the greater direction of the rope and snap away from the direction they once wished to move.
The knot that once represented — or maybe caused — my intense phobia of being trapped has snapped. The loose threads retying themselves in a knot completely different from the original. Some threads have yet to tie in with the rest of the whole, but it is obvious something has changed.
My fear of being trapped is no longer there, instead something more complex has taken its place.
Is it possible that under the intense mental strain caused by constant fear, the knot snapped and was forced to evolve into something that wouldn’t kill me? My phobia kept me from acting rationally to escape, which forced me into an inescapable loop. Since the reactionary fear did nothing to help me escape, it has changed.
The only issue is… what has it changed into?
I can think straight now, but I seem to be flooded with thoughts of choosing the most excessive methods to escape. Including sacrificing those I care for.
So because an entirely emotional response was ineffective in helping me escape, my rope of desire has decided that a purely logical response is a better replacement? No morals? No interest in the things I care for? That’s an obscene overadjustment.
Well, it’s good that I know what’s changed. Now, I just need to find a way to avoid hurting the others when my mind forces those ideas upon me.
Should I tell them?
Of course not. Think about how they used the last sensitive bit of info. I don’t trust them not to betray me again.
Before I have the chance to think more on it, Tetsu drops into an opening ahead of us. I fall after her and land in her arms. She places me on the ground, ignoring the other two who drop beside us.
It’s another tunnel, travelling horizontally instead of vertically like the one we came from. The ceiling is low, so I need to bend my neck, but it forces Tetsu and Remus to crouch. It’s still better than crawling, so neither of them complains.
Did that mushroom plant dig all of this, or did it just grow in the tunnel already there? Charred earth mars the walls even all the way down here. It doesn’t continue through the larger tunnel, so I assume this was here before the mushroom.
I wonder if I can get any of that sticky substance? It would be an incredible weapon. Even my team’s bodies were burnt a bit from the explosion when it ignited. Not even my hottest flame can do that yet.
Also, being able to attract those juicy bugs would be amazing.
The tunnel we’ve fallen into has two ways we can go; straight ahead, or where it curves out of sight behind us. We all follow Jav when he points to walk straight ahead.
We don’t walk along the tunnel long before it branches into two paths. Jav leads us down the left without pause.
“Be careful. There are scratch marks along the ground. Some creature frequents this tunnel a lot.”
I look down and sure enough, they are there. But I have no idea how he can tell they belong to a creature rather than just the natural shape of the cave. I don’t doubt him, but I would have ignored them if I were alone.
Bunny takes the lead, with Remus following behind me. Jav sits on Bunny’s shoulder rather than the dohrni for once. As probably the only one of us that still has his bearings, we rely on his directions to find our way out.
I keep close behind as Bunny picks up her pace. The tunnel curves often, bending down and to the side. As we pass, the thickness of the cave changes, but mostly stays wide enough for us to move without trouble. The path branches again. We have two possible paths to follow.
“We should veer to the left from here, but only a single set of scratch-marks lead that way. I can’t see a returning set,” Jav says.
“How many go the other way?” Remus asks.
“It’s hard to say, there’s no way to tell the scratches apart. Either we have a single creature moving back and forth many times, or there are over ten that have passed this way.”
“So either follow the well-beaten path and come across whatever these creatures are or head into the tunnel that we know one of those creatures hasn’t returned from.” Remus leans over my head as he has a look for himself. “Can you tell how old the scratches are?”
“No.”
“Then I think it’s best to follow the scrapes. Let’s hope whatever leaves them isn’t too strong.”
We continue for hours, coming across many such branches in the cave system. Each time we come across a fork, we always avoid the paths that don’t have a returning set of scratches. Some trails split, only to combine again when the tunnels reconnect.
There are plenty of caves that either don’t have any scratch marks or have two sets, but every time we check those paths, we come across a dead end. So, regardless of what danger the creatures that leave these marks might pose, we continue to follow their trail.
Grímr cannot talk without a body to use. So whenever I ask him questions, he’s limited to nodding or shaking his body.
“So, how do we go about getting Grímr a new body?” I ask to the team. It isn’t something I’m all too clear on yet.
“We will subdue an animal and hold it still while he digs his way into their brain.” Bunny taps the back of her own neck. “Most creatures get quite restless when they feel it. It’s a good challenge to keep them pinned as he does his thing.”
“Unfortunately, we don’t have the luxury of choosing or planning our fights. Everything down here is still unknown, so he’ll have to settle with whatever we can manage for the time being.”
I look down at Grímr. He raises two of his front limbs in a ‘what can you do?’ gesture. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to lose my body. I can’t imagine it’s an easy thing for him to adjust to; to lose the strength that body contained would be rough.
If the team wasn’t here to help him find a new body, how would he be able to do it himself? There’s no way he’d have the strength to compete with anything, right? Could he do it if he caught something off guard? But if he has to dig into their head, there is no way a creature wouldn’t feel that. They would do everything they can to stop him.
Now that I think about it, we’re heading along a path we know leads to unknown creatures and yet we are down a good portion of our fighting strength. Without Grímr, we’ll have to rely on Bunny and Remus to take the brunt of anything we face. With Jav taking stabs whenever he can get the chance. Although, from how I’ve seen Jav fight so far, I don’t know how well he’ll do in this tight space.
They need someone to pick up the slack, right? I never got the chance to fix my spearmanship.
“Tetsu?” I ask. “Can I have my spear?”
She unlatches it from the bundle with ease and passes it back to me. Not saying a word.
“Solvei, I don’t want you joining any fights for now,” Remus says from behind.
“What, but why?” I turn to him.
“Because I don’t know what to expect. Stay at range and use your flames if you have to, but keep your distance.” He places two of his limbs on my shoulders and I’m pleasantly surprised I don’t feel the tension that rises anymore. I still don’t want them there. In fact, my desire to whip them off is just as strong. Only now, it isn’t an emotional response tearing my gut apart until he lets go.
“I need you to protect Grímr while we fight. Can you do that?”
“Okay,” I concede.
Even if I can’t try out my spear, I can still see if I can burn these creatures. My flames have only gotten stronger recently. I’m just not sure if it will be enough.
I grip my spear as tight as I can and focus on my body control. Instead of only pushing my body to where my flames lose their brightness and become indistinguishable from fleshy skin, I go further. I push the physical flames to the limit of what I can achieve, and then I push harder.
I have no idea how effective it might be, but I hope it gives me added weight behind my swings. It’s a struggle to focus as hard as I am and get no visual response. I can feel my flames getting denser, but I’m unsure how much that is actually helping.
I want to ask Bunny to take one of my hits and tell me how much better it is to what I was doing before, but now is not the time. She is busy watching ahead of us in case anything appears while we’re making our way through.
“Hey, do you hear something?” Jav asks suddenly.
I look at Grímr, who usually has the best hearing, but he shakes his tiny arachnid body at me. Right, that hearing must have been from the panther ears.
“What is it?” Tetsu asks.
“I swear I heard… talking.”
