I've Grown Tired Of This Body (Blade)
Content Warnings:
SpoilerSexual Assault in the form of Groping, and this being done after explicitly told not to. Misgendering based on genitals. Degendering based on sexual preferences (AKA your not a 'good' lesbian if you have sex with someone with said genitals). Post talk where a character denies that any of the above mattered and dehumanizing herself. Panic over past sexual assaults and memories of words spoken by their abusers.
[collapse]
Note from the Authors: READ THIS
Hi! Nevarii here to have a little chat before we dive into this chapter.
So, a ton of readers have expressed such love of our new character. Really found her personal brand of messy energy resonating with them, and... well... That's awesome! We ADORE her. But we need to make sure that we express some things about our dear Adaline.
First and foremost, Adaline has been heavily traumatized. And... this leads to her abusing another person here. A person who wants to help her. A person who is also heavily traumatized and isn't equipped to emotionally handle this. What happens here is not meant to glorify or sexualize or fetishize the act (read the content warnings for all the details).
So! Why do this? Well... This story is about broken people healing. All victims, yes, but they've also all victimized others. If you've read any of ours or Ruby's other works you know that we write these stories, primarily, for ourselves. We have our own past to process and these stories help us do that. And for this gaggle of disasters... it means making mistakes, then taking care of each other afterwards, talking through the problems, and breaking the cycles of abuse. And... if the world is very lucky, fixing some larger problems along the way.
We hope the content warnings and content of this chapter won't scare too many readers away. But if it does please know that we have adored having you here along the way! Take care of yourselves first and foremost with full knowledge that we bear you nothing but goodwill and gratitude for the chapters you've read thus far!
When I return to the tower, shifting back to kiss my darling Witchling dearly, I walk in on Primrose and Nettle having sex in the anteroom. I decide against commenting, considering the number of times I've been walked in on with Elevar, but make a note to set some ground rules later.
Adaline, in contrast, decides to throw knives at me as I enter my room. Technically a balcony, but considering neither of us is really comfortable indoors for long periods of time I had Primrose set up a canopy and drag one of the display cases out to rest in. The knives sink into my breasts and I sigh heavily. "Seriously? What is this obsession with hitting me?”
"This one likes doing it because it feels like a clear reminder that this one is free and Mistress has very cute frazzled expressions." Adaline wanders over and bats her four blue eyes at me as she retrieves the knives.
"Not going to happen, Adaline.” I state firmly. “You're very pretty, but… Until I can be completely certain you're not being unduly influenced, our relationship is going to stay platonic."
I claimed her earlier while Elevar was searching for that missing snake Doll, but that doesn't mean I can take advantage. She… just sees me as a way to stay close to her wife. Why else would she be so interested so quickly? It's not like I have a winning personality myself.
With a wicked smirk, Adaline stuns me once again. "Spoilsport, I've been unable to get off for over a decade, and you won't even help a poor innocent maiden like me get some relief? What a brute.”
"What?" I very nearly growl. "Are you telling me the whole speech pattern change was an affectation? Adaline, Elevar and I were genuinely worried."
This Bitch! How dare she deceive me into claiming her!?! I'm gonna—
"Pfft, no silly. This one just finds it no longer feels uncomfortable being a Doll. Talking like this is soothing and familiar without anything forcing her into specific words that are fought against. This one is finally truly alone in her head once more and it means the world to me.” Adaline throws her arms around my neck and pulls herself tight against me and I have to remind myself once not to react. “It's so silly. Both in the Storage Spire and when you claimed me, this one wasn't able to understand anything you said using Tone or Voice but… feels safe now."
"That... I still don't understand what happened, and I'm quite worried.” I murmur, “But… How about in the meantime, you help me with my new project? I was wanting to make a prosthetic body of sorts for myself so I can be less limited and with your specific communication limitations" She shudders in disgust and fear at mention of that. "and areas of expertise, I figure you might have some ideas for a voice box or something to accommodate me?”
"What kind of body?" She releases me and steps away to grab a ream of paper and charcoal sticks, "Let's diagram it out. This one assumes you have materials?”
I stop in my tracks, "Uhm. Yes. It's uhhhh.”
The brat giggles at me. GIGGLES. "You were going to ask me to help fondle my loving wife's bones and shape them into a beast form? Pervert. Of course I'm interested. Primrose mentioned them to me when you left a while ago.”
"I... Yes. That's accurate. I'm sorry. It's inappropriate to ask you to do such a thing."
What the fuck was I thinking? I chide myself as Adaline steps back up to me, getting close.
"It's okay, I get it, you're an old pervert who has some unique kinks.” She caresses my chest, feeling me up and running her other hand lower. “I've seen weirder in my time."
As I move to stop her, she freezes, then pulls back. "Oh. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in men. I shouldn't have assumed.”
what. What. WHAT?
And… about two minutes later, I'm standing in front of Elevar once more with Adaline gripped tightly by the collar, stiff in my grip.
"What am I supposed to do with this one?” I can’t help but growl. “I'm furious and hurt and have no idea what the appropriate reaction is supposed to be.”
"What happened?" Elevar stands half risen, eyes darting between mine and the Doll I grip. Intones a quick ::Calm/Careful:: to me.
"This one can explain herself." I set Adaline down gently and take a seat.
Elevar looks between us in confusion and obvious worry but... nods. "Alright.”
"So we were about to start working on the new body for Xafra using your bones when I started feeling her up—”
"Unprompted." I interject, glancing up to my Witchling as I already start to feel how this could go badly for me.
Elevar's left eye twitches, then both lock on Adaline.
"And I found out she has a penis. Or two? Not sure.” Adaline says without a hint of shame or guilt. “Anyway, like a reasonable lesbian this one apologized and explained that I'm not into men. Then she picked this one up, jumped off the balcony, walked over and jumped up here."
Elevar just... stares. And through the bond I feel such rage and pain boil hotter than it was even when Verbess called me ‘parasite’. But her next words are nothing but soft and controlled. "Adaline, Stay here. Xafra, I think it best you come with me." Then she walks over and takes up my middle right arm's wrist, tugs gently.
I let her lead me, quiet and unsure.
{I am so very sorry.} She intones softly, turning that rage into overwhelming empathetic comfort the moment our feet touch the stairs. {That was cruel, unprompted, and I'm not sure if it is a thing born of ignorance or malice from her. But it does not matter. She is wrong. Your gender is what you decide it to be, and no physical traits make that any less so. And... and none of her nonsense is your fault. I'm glad you brought her here, I... will see to her from this point forward.}
Her words soothe my worry that she’s upset with me but, prick at something deeper. An old familiar fear. "I just... I'm not like you. I didn't make a choice to be a girl. It was... the reasonable thing to be. The only thing that seemed correct with only girls in my gestalt. Am I doing this wrong? Am I disrespecting them?”
"Cracked and Riven Moon, No! You shaping yourself to match your desires honors them!" She replies immediately as she leads me outside into the grass of the Estate. "And Xafra I... well maybe I did. I'm not sure. But... I never remember choosing to want to be a gerl. Just... finally realized why it hurt so much pretending to be anything else. But you're allowed to change, regardless of past preferences. Allowed to decide what parts you want and which you don't. Which words you want to carry and which to set aside. None of them need the others to be true.”
"I like my Warlord form.” I murmur softly. “and... I would like your help designing my new base one. but... this prosthesis, it's for me. Is that okay?”
"Of course! Please, yes. I would be enthralled to watch a Matron of the arts weave her soul's chosen forms." Elevar adjusts to grip my hand and wrist in hers, pulling it close. Beginning to radiate a delight alongside the rest. "Only... I would prefer them all be for you, my Xafra. Nothing but your desires given form, no longer bound to another's whims or wills or needs. Never again should you adopt a shape you do not personally adore.”
"I... okay. But only if I can extend the same offer to you, my love.”
She curls tighter about the massive arm she holds onto as we walk. "I meant to wait. Not trouble you as you dealt with my nonsense. But... Since we're going to be within these studies anyway... I'd like that. And if I'm lucky, you'll find at least some inspiration in my fool gerl fantasies as I’ve found in your chosen forms.”
"That sounds lovely.”
"So... You first." Elevar nudges. "Share an idea that you've been toying with. Simple or complex. Broad or specific. Just... a muse you'd like to see in one of your forms.”
"Well, I've been thinking that I want my Quills in all my forms. to learn more from Verbess, and to embrace the... concept better.” I pause, and feel myself calm as I consider an even older desire. "And… Um… Maybe wings in my base form? I've never had wings. flight has always been a dream of mine.”
Elevar thrums with excitement at my words. "That's... yes. Verbess' Quills always enthralled me, and seeing your bear your own honestly delights it and us both. But... wings? Cracked and Riven Moon, wouldn't that be a sight. I... I think there are some old diagrams and blueprints for some combat Dolls kept in one of the libraries that bore some. Might be a good reference!”
"Oh!” I can’t help but exclaim. “That's so wonderful”
"She... The Old Cunt didn't just assemble her own research, she inherited her mentor's collections." She explains as she leads us to the Workshop Spire. "And both, I think, spent time as Threshers. Tons of otherwise forbidden or long Grove-banned designs and discoveries just... strewn about this place. Possibly for safe keeping here or... well at least with Yselda, secreted away. Possibly the last copies even.”
“Okay, you've mentioned Threshers a few times but, what are they?”
"Oh, that's right. Apologies... They're just such common things I didn't even think to explain." She considers as she leads us into the Spire, then through it to the steps and upper chamber. "Thresher is a broad term for these small Cadre of hunters devoid of any one Grove's control. Sort of... Well, Most are taught that their main purpose is to hunt Denizens and other such beasts that might threaten settlements and Groves, But they're honestly better at hunting and killing rogue Witches. Use all sorts of cruel and exclusive magic to do it too. It's why I think Yselda was one of them. Her Garrote is simply a more complex and specialized version of what they use on their caught prey, and so many tomes here are marked with Thresher style Cant and notes."
With an effort of Physis and will she nudges some otherwise hidden spiraling veins of Physis to light up the room. Moves us toward the bookshelves that line the walls.
"That… sounds almost familiar…” I murmur.
"I can see why." She pauses, then nods. "Honestly, It's probably not the most inspired group. A gaggle of overzealous cunts who gobble up all manner of interesting magics in fear of the wider population using them, then employ those same spells themselves. I can only assume the divide between Human and Witch in your day caused them to be much worse. Their most vile spinnings actually latch a target's Ousia to theirs before shredding both to nothing. Although, they'll often drag along Garroted Muppets to use as proxy to the cost.”
I stop dead, rage filling me as I whisper "They're still around? The Chains? How many of the sins I inspired remain to haunt me…?”
"Wh- what?" She stammers, moving to stand a bit more in front to catch my gaze. "Xafra, come now. Sorts like them surely existed before you did, then died off before being founded once more in these past centuries. Both good and bad ideas have a way of being reimagined long past their death.”
"Using Häuslich to power their own workings and linking to my Ousia is how the Chains finally drained me to the point I couldn't maintain my form. It's... possible that they are just another using the same methods but... I'll have to see the writings”
"Oh." She whispers as the weight of my pain and anger roils. Pulls my hand up to kiss fingers while sharing calming emotions as she murmurs. "I'll find the books on those spells, of course. And... no longer will these petty sots be a threat to you. It would take a Grove's worth for their magic to be viable now, even without your current Wellspring of Ousia.”
“Alright...” I let myself be soothed by my bonded Mate relaxing into her hands. Turn my mind back to… to before this conversation. "But, please be... reasonable with Adaline. She is mine now, regardless of her words.”
"Shh. None of that now." She pulls me to sit on a nearby couch. Just... barely large enough to sit us both. "Last I heard, you did not claim her. Only agreed to let her stay in your Spire and work with you. The Quirks of the Tone do not change that, nor force you into suffering her. She belongs only to herself. And... I will see to her when I have ensured you are alright. She... I've been stupid about her, mantled you with someone I refused to see clearly. I... I'm sorry.”
"I did, officially. We had the 'long discussion' you mentioned and while she's... enjoying pushing the bounds of what I am comfortable with, I do feel I have a responsibility to her, especially since I was the one to free her, and cause whatever weirdness that is currently occurring... Her choice of words notwithstanding.” I assure her. “I promise I'm not being a martyr, simply looking after my family. That also includes you, so don't forget that.”
Elevar sighs and looks away, sudden fury rising. She... doesn't try to smother it like she might in the past, even lets me feel her struggle with it. "Like you did with Primrose, then? And her Pinnate? With Quill Song and Oath?”
I nod. "I made it clear that like with Primrose and Nettle, I have no desire for it to be more than platonic currently, but yes. I... know what it's like to feel lost. I'm hoping to avoid doing so for the rest of the Estate, as I don't believe I could handle that many personalities, even if I do want them all safe and healthy.”
She turns to stare at me, considering my words for a long moment. "So... You did tell her. Plainly. That you did not desire any kind of physical relationship, and yet she ignored that boundary?”
I nod. "That's nothing new for me, it's not like it's a big deal right?”
Elevar freezes, emotions snapping to a surprised halt.
"Like,” I continue forward, trying to calm her. “I'm bigger and stronger than her. I can stop her if necessary. Even her moonwaste spit doesn't do anything to me.”
"That's... Xafra..." Her anger surges, but not at me. Around me. Protective and furious. "To reply to your earlier question. It is a very big deal. No one gets to touch you, especially like she admitted she did, without your consent. You are not... not a tool to be used and wielded without your permission. You are a person. How would you react if she did that to me? If you watched me tell her no, and she continued?”
"I would just throw her out the window, and make sure you're okay. She'd survive the fall with minimal damage so it would be fine, right?”
"Xafra that's not the... Why would I not be okay?" She whispers. "I could stop her, not as easily as you but with simple flourish of Tone or spell. What's the problem, why intervene at all? What do my denials matter if I can at any time stop her? If I am stronger than her in ability? Does that make her violation of my wishes suddenly okay? Suddenly not a big deal?”
Victim. Stress relief. Only people get to refuse, and you're just a mouthy object.
"I... but... it... has to be different. Please."
I feel the urge to apologize, to run, to do anything to make it not the same. I sit there beside her and feel my face leak. It's not crying. I don't cry. I don't have the right.
"My Xafra... it isn’t. You deserve the same rights to consent or denial as any person." She intones gently, ::Understanding/Compassion/Safety/Adorations/Love:: flooding the bond alongside her protective fury as she grips my hand. "And... It's not your fault. What she did. What all the others who have treated you like that did. You are not responsible for their wretched behavior.”
"I will... try to keep that in mind.” I murmur, trying desperately to regain control and stop this spiral.
She absently reaches out with a weaving of clumsy Physis to snatch up a towel from a nearby desk. Drops it into her hand before holding it up to me. An offering. "This... is a lot to consider. Especially all at once. And I mean to give you all the time it takes, and from within safe spaces. Which... is why I must ask something of you. Insist even. I cannot demand, but know this is me acting as your chosen Mistress in a way I think is best for my Partner and Mate.”
I wipe my face with the towel as I reply. "Alright. Go ahead.”
"Adaline." She speaks flatly. "She will remain away from you, your Spire, and your Dolls until I say otherwise. The rest of the Estate, including my own Spire, will open to her so long as she doesn't misuse that privilege. I will speak with the fool Gerl tonight and inform her of this alongside... other expectations.”
I feel conflicted, but… I trust Elevar. If anyone has my best interests at heart, I know it's her. "Okay. I... Okay." I intone ::Trust/Understanding::
She releases a held breath, letting her relief and adorations and worry flow freely through the bond. "Thank you. This is something I should have taken care of the day you freed her, but... didn't. Too stupid and scared and... and blind. I'm sorry it took today to clear my vision and startle me into taking real responsibility for that Gerl.”
"You're welcome. I believe in you. I'm gonna work on this new frame in the meantime. Hopefully when you come by next I'll have it functioning?”
"I'd delight in that." She agrees.
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I've Grown Tired Of This Body (Blade)
Content Warnings:
SpoilerSexual Assault in the form of Groping, and this being done after explicitly told not to. Misgendering based on genitals. Degendering based on sexual preferences (AKA your not a 'good' lesbian if you have sex with someone with said genitals). Post talk where a character denies that any of the above mattered and dehumanizing herself. Panic over past sexual assaults and memories of words spoken by their abusers.
[collapse]
Note from the Authors: READ THIS
Hi! Nevarii here to have a little chat before we dive into this chapter.
So, a ton of readers have expressed such love of our new character. Really found her personal brand of messy energy resonating with them, and... well... That's awesome! We ADORE her. But we need to make sure that we express some things about our dear Adaline.
First and foremost, Adaline has been heavily traumatized. And... this leads to her abusing another person here. A person who wants to help her. A person who is also heavily traumatized and isn't equipped to emotionally handle this. What happens here is not meant to glorify or sexualize or fetishize the act (read the content warnings for all the details).
So! Why do this? Well... This story is about broken people healing. All victims, yes, but they've also all victimized others. If you've read any of ours or Ruby's other works you know that we write these stories, primarily, for ourselves. We have our own past to process and these stories help us do that. And for this gaggle of disasters... it means making mistakes, then taking care of each other afterwards, talking through the problems, and breaking the cycles of abuse. And... if the world is very lucky, fixing some larger problems along the way.
We hope the content warnings and content of this chapter won't scare too many readers away. But if it does please know that we have adored having you here along the way! Take care of yourselves first and foremost with full knowledge that we bear you nothing but goodwill and gratitude for the chapters you've read thus far!
When I return to the tower, shifting back to kiss my darling Witchling dearly, I walk in on Primrose and Nettle having sex in the anteroom. I decide against commenting, considering the number of times I've been walked in on with Elevar, but make a note to set some ground rules later.
Adaline, in contrast, decides to throw knives at me as I enter my room. Technically a balcony, but considering neither of us is really comfortable indoors for long periods of time I had Primrose set up a canopy and drag one of the display cases out to rest in. The knives sink into my breasts and I sigh heavily. "Seriously? What is this obsession with hitting me?”
"This one likes doing it because it feels like a clear reminder that this one is free and Mistress has very cute frazzled expressions." Adaline wanders over and bats her four blue eyes at me as she retrieves the knives.
"Not going to happen, Adaline.” I state firmly. “You're very pretty, but… Until I can be completely certain you're not being unduly influenced, our relationship is going to stay platonic."
I claimed her earlier while Elevar was searching for that missing snake Doll, but that doesn't mean I can take advantage. She… just sees me as a way to stay close to her wife. Why else would she be so interested so quickly? It's not like I have a winning personality myself.
With a wicked smirk, Adaline stuns me once again. "Spoilsport, I've been unable to get off for over a decade, and you won't even help a poor innocent maiden like me get some relief? What a brute.”
"What?" I very nearly growl. "Are you telling me the whole speech pattern change was an affectation? Adaline, Elevar and I were genuinely worried."
This Bitch! How dare she deceive me into claiming her!?! I'm gonna—
"Pfft, no silly. This one just finds it no longer feels uncomfortable being a Doll. Talking like this is soothing and familiar without anything forcing her into specific words that are fought against. This one is finally truly alone in her head once more and it means the world to me.” Adaline throws her arms around my neck and pulls herself tight against me and I have to remind myself once not to react. “It's so silly. Both in the Storage Spire and when you claimed me, this one wasn't able to understand anything you said using Tone or Voice but… feels safe now."
"That... I still don't understand what happened, and I'm quite worried.” I murmur, “But… How about in the meantime, you help me with my new project? I was wanting to make a prosthetic body of sorts for myself so I can be less limited and with your specific communication limitations" She shudders in disgust and fear at mention of that. "and areas of expertise, I figure you might have some ideas for a voice box or something to accommodate me?”
"What kind of body?" She releases me and steps away to grab a ream of paper and charcoal sticks, "Let's diagram it out. This one assumes you have materials?”
I stop in my tracks, "Uhm. Yes. It's uhhhh.”
The brat giggles at me. GIGGLES. "You were going to ask me to help fondle my loving wife's bones and shape them into a beast form? Pervert. Of course I'm interested. Primrose mentioned them to me when you left a while ago.”
"I... Yes. That's accurate. I'm sorry. It's inappropriate to ask you to do such a thing."
What the fuck was I thinking? I chide myself as Adaline steps back up to me, getting close.
"It's okay, I get it, you're an old pervert who has some unique kinks.” She caresses my chest, feeling me up and running her other hand lower. “I've seen weirder in my time."
As I move to stop her, she freezes, then pulls back. "Oh. I'm sorry, I'm not interested in men. I shouldn't have assumed.”
what. What. WHAT?
And… about two minutes later, I'm standing in front of Elevar once more with Adaline gripped tightly by the collar, stiff in my grip.
"What am I supposed to do with this one?” I can’t help but growl. “I'm furious and hurt and have no idea what the appropriate reaction is supposed to be.”
"What happened?" Elevar stands half risen, eyes darting between mine and the Doll I grip. Intones a quick ::Calm/Careful:: to me.
"This one can explain herself." I set Adaline down gently and take a seat.
Elevar looks between us in confusion and obvious worry but... nods. "Alright.”
"So we were about to start working on the new body for Xafra using your bones when I started feeling her up—”
"Unprompted." I interject, glancing up to my Witchling as I already start to feel how this could go badly for me.
Elevar's left eye twitches, then both lock on Adaline.
"And I found out she has a penis. Or two? Not sure.” Adaline says without a hint of shame or guilt. “Anyway, like a reasonable lesbian this one apologized and explained that I'm not into men. Then she picked this one up, jumped off the balcony, walked over and jumped up here."
Elevar just... stares. And through the bond I feel such rage and pain boil hotter than it was even when Verbess called me ‘parasite’. But her next words are nothing but soft and controlled. "Adaline, Stay here. Xafra, I think it best you come with me." Then she walks over and takes up my middle right arm's wrist, tugs gently.
I let her lead me, quiet and unsure.
{I am so very sorry.} She intones softly, turning that rage into overwhelming empathetic comfort the moment our feet touch the stairs. {That was cruel, unprompted, and I'm not sure if it is a thing born of ignorance or malice from her. But it does not matter. She is wrong. Your gender is what you decide it to be, and no physical traits make that any less so. And... and none of her nonsense is your fault. I'm glad you brought her here, I... will see to her from this point forward.}
Her words soothe my worry that she’s upset with me but, prick at something deeper. An old familiar fear. "I just... I'm not like you. I didn't make a choice to be a girl. It was... the reasonable thing to be. The only thing that seemed correct with only girls in my gestalt. Am I doing this wrong? Am I disrespecting them?”
"Cracked and Riven Moon, No! You shaping yourself to match your desires honors them!" She replies immediately as she leads me outside into the grass of the Estate. "And Xafra I... well maybe I did. I'm not sure. But... I never remember choosing to want to be a gerl. Just... finally realized why it hurt so much pretending to be anything else. But you're allowed to change, regardless of past preferences. Allowed to decide what parts you want and which you don't. Which words you want to carry and which to set aside. None of them need the others to be true.”
"I like my Warlord form.” I murmur softly. “and... I would like your help designing my new base one. but... this prosthesis, it's for me. Is that okay?”
"Of course! Please, yes. I would be enthralled to watch a Matron of the arts weave her soul's chosen forms." Elevar adjusts to grip my hand and wrist in hers, pulling it close. Beginning to radiate a delight alongside the rest. "Only... I would prefer them all be for you, my Xafra. Nothing but your desires given form, no longer bound to another's whims or wills or needs. Never again should you adopt a shape you do not personally adore.”
"I... okay. But only if I can extend the same offer to you, my love.”
She curls tighter about the massive arm she holds onto as we walk. "I meant to wait. Not trouble you as you dealt with my nonsense. But... Since we're going to be within these studies anyway... I'd like that. And if I'm lucky, you'll find at least some inspiration in my fool gerl fantasies as I’ve found in your chosen forms.”
"That sounds lovely.”
"So... You first." Elevar nudges. "Share an idea that you've been toying with. Simple or complex. Broad or specific. Just... a muse you'd like to see in one of your forms.”
"Well, I've been thinking that I want my Quills in all my forms. to learn more from Verbess, and to embrace the... concept better.” I pause, and feel myself calm as I consider an even older desire. "And… Um… Maybe wings in my base form? I've never had wings. flight has always been a dream of mine.”
Elevar thrums with excitement at my words. "That's... yes. Verbess' Quills always enthralled me, and seeing your bear your own honestly delights it and us both. But... wings? Cracked and Riven Moon, wouldn't that be a sight. I... I think there are some old diagrams and blueprints for some combat Dolls kept in one of the libraries that bore some. Might be a good reference!”
"Oh!” I can’t help but exclaim. “That's so wonderful”
"She... The Old Cunt didn't just assemble her own research, she inherited her mentor's collections." She explains as she leads us to the Workshop Spire. "And both, I think, spent time as Threshers. Tons of otherwise forbidden or long Grove-banned designs and discoveries just... strewn about this place. Possibly for safe keeping here or... well at least with Yselda, secreted away. Possibly the last copies even.”
“Okay, you've mentioned Threshers a few times but, what are they?”
"Oh, that's right. Apologies... They're just such common things I didn't even think to explain." She considers as she leads us into the Spire, then through it to the steps and upper chamber. "Thresher is a broad term for these small Cadre of hunters devoid of any one Grove's control. Sort of... Well, Most are taught that their main purpose is to hunt Denizens and other such beasts that might threaten settlements and Groves, But they're honestly better at hunting and killing rogue Witches. Use all sorts of cruel and exclusive magic to do it too. It's why I think Yselda was one of them. Her Garrote is simply a more complex and specialized version of what they use on their caught prey, and so many tomes here are marked with Thresher style Cant and notes."
With an effort of Physis and will she nudges some otherwise hidden spiraling veins of Physis to light up the room. Moves us toward the bookshelves that line the walls.
"That… sounds almost familiar…” I murmur.
"I can see why." She pauses, then nods. "Honestly, It's probably not the most inspired group. A gaggle of overzealous cunts who gobble up all manner of interesting magics in fear of the wider population using them, then employ those same spells themselves. I can only assume the divide between Human and Witch in your day caused them to be much worse. Their most vile spinnings actually latch a target's Ousia to theirs before shredding both to nothing. Although, they'll often drag along Garroted Muppets to use as proxy to the cost.”
I stop dead, rage filling me as I whisper "They're still around? The Chains? How many of the sins I inspired remain to haunt me…?”
"Wh- what?" She stammers, moving to stand a bit more in front to catch my gaze. "Xafra, come now. Sorts like them surely existed before you did, then died off before being founded once more in these past centuries. Both good and bad ideas have a way of being reimagined long past their death.”
"Using Häuslich to power their own workings and linking to my Ousia is how the Chains finally drained me to the point I couldn't maintain my form. It's... possible that they are just another using the same methods but... I'll have to see the writings”
"Oh." She whispers as the weight of my pain and anger roils. Pulls my hand up to kiss fingers while sharing calming emotions as she murmurs. "I'll find the books on those spells, of course. And... no longer will these petty sots be a threat to you. It would take a Grove's worth for their magic to be viable now, even without your current Wellspring of Ousia.”
“Alright...” I let myself be soothed by my bonded Mate relaxing into her hands. Turn my mind back to… to before this conversation. "But, please be... reasonable with Adaline. She is mine now, regardless of her words.”
"Shh. None of that now." She pulls me to sit on a nearby couch. Just... barely large enough to sit us both. "Last I heard, you did not claim her. Only agreed to let her stay in your Spire and work with you. The Quirks of the Tone do not change that, nor force you into suffering her. She belongs only to herself. And... I will see to her when I have ensured you are alright. She... I've been stupid about her, mantled you with someone I refused to see clearly. I... I'm sorry.”
"I did, officially. We had the 'long discussion' you mentioned and while she's... enjoying pushing the bounds of what I am comfortable with, I do feel I have a responsibility to her, especially since I was the one to free her, and cause whatever weirdness that is currently occurring... Her choice of words notwithstanding.” I assure her. “I promise I'm not being a martyr, simply looking after my family. That also includes you, so don't forget that.”
Elevar sighs and looks away, sudden fury rising. She... doesn't try to smother it like she might in the past, even lets me feel her struggle with it. "Like you did with Primrose, then? And her Pinnate? With Quill Song and Oath?”
I nod. "I made it clear that like with Primrose and Nettle, I have no desire for it to be more than platonic currently, but yes. I... know what it's like to feel lost. I'm hoping to avoid doing so for the rest of the Estate, as I don't believe I could handle that many personalities, even if I do want them all safe and healthy.”
She turns to stare at me, considering my words for a long moment. "So... You did tell her. Plainly. That you did not desire any kind of physical relationship, and yet she ignored that boundary?”
I nod. "That's nothing new for me, it's not like it's a big deal right?”
Elevar freezes, emotions snapping to a surprised halt.
"Like,” I continue forward, trying to calm her. “I'm bigger and stronger than her. I can stop her if necessary. Even her moonwaste spit doesn't do anything to me.”
"That's... Xafra..." Her anger surges, but not at me. Around me. Protective and furious. "To reply to your earlier question. It is a very big deal. No one gets to touch you, especially like she admitted she did, without your consent. You are not... not a tool to be used and wielded without your permission. You are a person. How would you react if she did that to me? If you watched me tell her no, and she continued?”
"I would just throw her out the window, and make sure you're okay. She'd survive the fall with minimal damage so it would be fine, right?”
"Xafra that's not the... Why would I not be okay?" She whispers. "I could stop her, not as easily as you but with simple flourish of Tone or spell. What's the problem, why intervene at all? What do my denials matter if I can at any time stop her? If I am stronger than her in ability? Does that make her violation of my wishes suddenly okay? Suddenly not a big deal?”
Victim. Stress relief. Only people get to refuse, and you're just a mouthy object.
"I... but... it... has to be different. Please."
I feel the urge to apologize, to run, to do anything to make it not the same. I sit there beside her and feel my face leak. It's not crying. I don't cry. I don't have the right.
"My Xafra... it isn’t. You deserve the same rights to consent or denial as any person." She intones gently, ::Understanding/Compassion/Safety/Adorations/Love:: flooding the bond alongside her protective fury as she grips my hand. "And... It's not your fault. What she did. What all the others who have treated you like that did. You are not responsible for their wretched behavior.”
"I will... try to keep that in mind.” I murmur, trying desperately to regain control and stop this spiral.
She absently reaches out with a weaving of clumsy Physis to snatch up a towel from a nearby desk. Drops it into her hand before holding it up to me. An offering. "This... is a lot to consider. Especially all at once. And I mean to give you all the time it takes, and from within safe spaces. Which... is why I must ask something of you. Insist even. I cannot demand, but know this is me acting as your chosen Mistress in a way I think is best for my Partner and Mate.”
I wipe my face with the towel as I reply. "Alright. Go ahead.”
"Adaline." She speaks flatly. "She will remain away from you, your Spire, and your Dolls until I say otherwise. The rest of the Estate, including my own Spire, will open to her so long as she doesn't misuse that privilege. I will speak with the fool Gerl tonight and inform her of this alongside... other expectations.”
I feel conflicted, but… I trust Elevar. If anyone has my best interests at heart, I know it's her. "Okay. I... Okay." I intone ::Trust/Understanding::
She releases a held breath, letting her relief and adorations and worry flow freely through the bond. "Thank you. This is something I should have taken care of the day you freed her, but... didn't. Too stupid and scared and... and blind. I'm sorry it took today to clear my vision and startle me into taking real responsibility for that Gerl.”
"You're welcome. I believe in you. I'm gonna work on this new frame in the meantime. Hopefully when you come by next I'll have it functioning?”
"I'd delight in that." She agrees.
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