Quirks Of The Tone And Dollcraft (Witch)
Content Warnings:
SpoilerTalk of dehumanization. Worry over loss of personhood. Face kickins!!! Talk of past mass murder. Talk of guilt and wanting to seek some manner of peace through better actions.
[collapse]
In a flash of spite I growl {Blasenplage} and boil the remaining dirt away to vapors. Leaving a claw shaped ten foot deep gouge. And at the core is the cradle, pristine and devoid of all refuse. My fingers are numb after Dead Hag knows how long of using them to dig up as much of this grave as I could stand. Hoping the task would quiet my fury but... it only grew hotter.
{Xafra, if you would, please tell Adaline I have the bones she requested.} I intone across our bond with none of the wroth I've cultivated. {Where would she like me to leave them?}
[There has been... an incident, my love. I understand that you are dealing with some strong emotions but I could use some direction.]
Of course.
I huff and sigh, but let nothing of that reach her. {Always. I apologize if my mood communicated otherwise. What advice can I give?}
[I... think I broke Adaline.]
Broke? How by the Cracked and Riven Moon could Adaline get MORE broken? Panicked or… or relapsing I’d understand. She must have three dozen triggers we’ll have to learn to navigate around but… Oh no.
Catatonic? Stupid Half-Knit, should have waited till you tested things on more Dolls!
I just barely keep my feet moving. {You’ll have to give me specifics. Is she able to communicate her distress? What caused this?}
[She thinks that I am her Mistress and her entire demeanor and speech pattern has changed. There was a strange doll in the basement of the Storage Spire that was hurting itself in attempts to get away from us. When... I freed it, it fled deeper into the tunnels and it was like the change between Verbess and Schatzi in Adaline, but there's only one of her. She seems fine but I... don't know. I don't want to make things even worse by doing anything else without you.]
{I'm on my way.} Is all I trust myself to reply without screaming in fury over our bond as I weave my song of endurance and motion. Doubling my pace.
Finally free, only to be leashed to another Mistress by mistake.
I've managed to calm a touch by the time I've found the two of them. Xafra is sitting on the ground with her head in her hands while Adaline is happily picking some flowers.
"Wife Elevar! Mistress Xafra helped this one get all the others out, and this one got you some flowers to say sorry."
I very nearly flinch at that. “You’ve nothing to apologize for, dear one. But you are too sweet.”
Xafra mumbles. "I don't understand it. There's no weavings... Nothing compelling the way she thinks or speaks that I can see."
I move to sit next with my Xafra and let out a deep sigh as I lay a hand on her massive arm. Intone ::Comfort/Peace/Calm/Considerations/Blameless:: {Were these normal circumstances I’d… honestly think this was just a Doll without her Mistress finally reunited. Mind at ease. But… No. And I question my own past lessons and education on this. Now, walk me through things. Step by step. Then we’ll go from there.}
She does, keeping it to the bond so as to not upset the seemingly peaceful Adaline considering my words. Able to share precise wording and images and sensations in but a few passing heartbeats.
{Well… I would say we eliminate the familiar and work our way backwards.} I suggest. {Use the same Tone as you did when you first freed her, perhaps remold the outer shell in the same fashion?}
[I think it could work. I'm willing to try if you'd like.] She replies with a sigh of worry and discomfort. [I feel dirty, like I've stolen her mind from her.]
"This one does though! This one lied to you earlier and made you upset, and that's not good. This one doesn't want to ever make you sad." Adaline chimes in to our unspoken conversation.
“You did not, dear one. Do not worry over me.” I shake my head and murmur softly to Adaline while intoning to my partner. {You did not not violate her will, Xafra. Gave no commands. Simply… stumbled into an old wound. Perhaps even a defensive measure. I… we should ask if she’s alone in her own mind. Either before or after. I cannot decide that, but I think after would be better.}
[Alright. Would you like me to-]
"HEY! Just because this one is happy doesn't mean it's not smart anymore, you're being patronizing and not listening!" Adaline stomps in front of Xafra and I, "Mistress Xafra made it so it's quiet in my head now and it doesn't have the scratchiness anymore. Watch this. Mistress. Please tell me to do something."
"Uhhh. Adaline, jump up and down five times." Xafra commands carefully.
"No!" And then... Adaline proceeds to kick Xafra in the face. Bouncing off, of course, and doing no harm.
Xafra huffs and wipes any dirt the blow left. "Why the face again? It doesn't hurt but it's just rude" But intones with a tinting of hope. [Soooo... I don't know if that changes things or?]
{It does, actually.} I can’t help but let out an exasperated chuckle as I stand. “I'm sorry, Adaline. I… assumed the worst. Your apology is accepted, but not needed. I’m glad Xafra could aid you. Do you require anything else from me?”
"This one... No.” She pauses. “This one wants, but doesn't require anything from you. This one wants us to fix our relationship. This one missed you so much."
My anger flares and tears harder than earlier as I freeze under her words. Riven between all my past mistakes. Both when made with full knowledge of the harm I would wrought, and when holding a certainty that I was somehow doing better.
Both weigh like wounds in my rotted heart as I have no idea what to do.
“I…” Another step back as I try for some measure of honesty. “I never want to hurt you again, but even… even at my darkest you only caught glimmers of the cruel thing I am. I will gift you anything in my power beyond the three withheld, but… please, do not ask for things that will only bring you more pain. Find better souls to occupy your life now that freedom is laid before you.”
I have to turn away then, would bear the memory of whatever look crosses her face but... can't spoil this honesty with what I feel bubbling up.
Not again.
"No!” Adaline says from behind. “This one doesn't want to take anything from you. Won't. This one is going to... Bully Mistress Xafra into claiming and naming the laundry doll that Primrose loves and... Claiming this one too! Because this one is stubborn and mean and loves you and doesn't care if your try to be cruel because Mistress Xafra won't let you hurt this one if it's claimed by her."
I risk a glance back, avoiding Adaline’s gaze as best I can. Find Xafra to be silent, motionless like she could fade into the environment through sheer immobility.
“That… Should be a hopefully long discussion between the both of you.” I sigh, “And a thing I will remain well separated from, if allowed. Thank you for… for attending to the others. We were wanting to make sure no undue effects surfaced in Primrose during this first week but… it seems to be flourishing. So long as the two of you take care and avoid the lower levels more can be aided if you desire to help with that.”
"Thank you, my Mate." Xafra whispers.
I almost snap at this fool gerl for thanking me for letting her fix my mistakes but... cut off the words. Instead, decide to channel that annoyance into something productive. "You're welcome. I'm going to see about this Doll that slithered off, and... and whatever nonsense bubbled up in the Undercroft. After that... well. I'd like to get your opinion on some research I've been doing. Topics quite pertinent to your work if you mean to aid these Dolls in their recovery."
"Alright." She smiles so brightly.
** ** **
My disparate angers have dulled a bit. Simmered to a manageable mess, at least before I couldn’t find the Doll in the main sub-chambers. The odd snake gerlthing is nowhere to be found, and as it is a Doll my normally precise Ousia senses are all but useless in tracking the poor thing. Can only hope that the most it can do is break itself and not pester anything particularly dangerous if it wandered deeper. And the Undercroft… Cracked and Riven Moon, what even happened here?
The sight re-boils my annoyance a touch.
The entrance to the undercroft is barred by a sad sight. A memorial to a nameless doll painted on a bed sheet tacked across the doors. Not enough to prevent even the slightly determined passage, but…
{Xafra, dear. I… If you’re free I’d like to get your opinion on that research.}
[Certainly. Would you like me to come to you or…?]
{My Spire, if you please. I’ll ask Schatzi to brew us some tea.}
By the time I take the tunnels back to my Spire, Xafra’s already arrived. Still in her Warlord’s form and considering the largest mug I have, which is still comically small in her hands.
“Thank you for coming out and… continuing to be patient with all this.” I sigh as I move to regard the stack of tomes and journals and notes I’d left just before the surgery. “Has… no. Nevermind. How are you doing? I’ve neglected to make sure my Näherin is alright. This… has been a lot.”
"It has.” She nods, adjusting to sit more comfortably on the soft Root floor. Form just… too big for any chairs. “This has been the most... Everything I've experienced in lifetimes. But, it's like crest-gliding, where you simply have to learn to feel the ocean's waves and go with them to soar above the rest."
“The…” I shake my head at the internal sight I struggle to consider. “The Sea must have been a much more peaceful beast last you saw it, beyond the slight dalliance we shared on the Causeway, If such a thing could be done without fear of death.”
"Not peaceful, but without the Moonwaste, it was a place one could live on, with predators and prey alike. The tides were regular things, vicious but known."
I take up my cooled mug and sip, listening and interested but… stalling.
“Really? How did these creatures of the sea contend with the Denizens? Last I read they seemed to have infested it entire for quite some time.”
"The Denizens have always been in the oceans, but they were everywhere else as well. It was very much a matter of carving out space for humanity. The Denizens didn't ever overpredate on the wildlife, they don't need much in the way of food from what I recall..." She pauses considering old memories, "The oldest writings I can recall basically made it clear that only the deep caves of Dämmerung and the darkest parts of the ocean where the Bondsmiths built their crystal garrisons were inhospitable to the Denizens, likely because no Nomos could reach those places."
“That… Is something I only really picked up from you, honestly.” I toy with the little Wispflame for a second. “What you’ve told me about Nomos… Isn’t not really something I’ve studied beyond Thresher considerations, and most of their words shared simply instruct us to use Ousia to burn through their aura of it. Never the… the subtleties. And that, more than so much else, worries me. What else have I been missing? Have I ignored?”
"I'm… not sure. very few of me were scholars, even less were anything but Mundane humans."
I huff and consider how best to go about…
“Which… brings me to this.” I wave a hand and manifest two tomes from my personal Archive. One small and honestly thin, the other easily five times as large. “You’ve had a busy week, and absorbed more than any other Witch after years of research, so don’t take these prompts as anything but assuring you have the foundations of this. Just... visual examples to illustrate the issues. Alright?”
She nods.
I motion to the large book, “This nonsense is the collected research on my Blasenplage. Everything needed to replicate the work. A touch larger than your average Einwandfrei but... not by much.” Then to the small. “And this little thing, is all you’d need to absorb and mimic to weave a basic Doll. Can you tell me why there is such a disparity between the two?
Xafra takes the ethereal books in hand and her face goes slack for a moment as I see her take duplicate copies of the books down into her Driftdream, likely to add to the library there.
"Witchling, You've done... a lot of study on your creation, with my limited knowledge I can see only minor gaps in it, the issue you experienced on the way here being the main one. This other one. It's... lacking any sort of research, explanation, or philosophy, just the sanitized instructions on how to do it and the restrictions on design. It's the equivalent of handing a child a knife and telling them that carrying it makes them a soldier. Is this what is taught?"
I just… stare. “You… Cracked and Riven Moon. Why didn’t you ask for all the rest of the books this way? I feel as though I’ve wasted your time with the physical copies.”
"I don't think so? I know what's in these ones now, but I have limited understanding of the implications and reasoning. With the other's you've given me, I was able to form thoughts on them as Primrose read them to me and probably have a better grasp on the concepts. I'd appreciate the other books I've read offered this way as well so I can double check the texts I generated of course."
I nod and relax a bit. “Of course, and to answer your question… Yes and No. The Primers are important, but this is the core needed once you grasp the practice. And to speed to the next and more important question… Why do you suspect I would insist any Witch memorize the notes on my Blasenplage in full, but only keep the Doll Drafting book on hand after understanding the core concepts when attempting either for the first time.”
"Why would you? Because you don't make Dolls yourself. With the influences in your mind you were literally prevented from even trying to consider them much more than tools." She replies… and I can’t help but purse my lips in annoyance.
“I thought worse of Dolls than that even before my arrival here. Don’t make excuses for me, Xafra.” I douse the Wisp Flame in my tether’s grip and lean my hips against the desk while crossing arms. “Now, to my question. But this time looking past me. Consider your average and fairly gentle Crafter of Dolls. Why would they, perhaps, advise their students to never even consider casting an Einwandfrei after their first but would let them try and craft many simple Dolls?”
"Oh. Because Mundanes are disposable. Without the training in one of the Arts, they're basically... not even... people." With a look of horror, Xafra shifts back to spear form, and is about to clatter to the ground but I’m able to dart forward and just barely catch her.
I pause, wincing in worry as I carefully reach out to her while cradling spearform close. {Xafra, love…? I… I’m sorry that… that wasn’t… I just…}
[I... Elevar, what have I done?]
{Nothing. Love, you’ve gifted every Doll that has crossed your path nothing but kindness beyond what most give to people of flesh and bone.} I assure her. {Any fault of your actions have bloomed from my instructions. My Mistakes.}
[No. All the hatred I have for the Witches that created me... and yet I've ruined just as many lives of bystanders and innocents, with the simple justification that the end was necessary, that they died painlessly, that death is a natural part of life and doesn't require consent. I truly am Soulbane.]
{Xafra, you…}
[How do I ever atone?]
I sigh and curl closer about her, intone gently. {I… I don't know. Was hoping you could tell me that. But... I'm starting to think that... that maybe we just...} I swallow, hard. {Can't. And I've never known how to handle that. So I'm just... trying to do better.}
[Okay. We can do better together. We can... maybe change things? So others don't repeat our mistakes?]
{I... Yes. We can try. At least for those closest to us. I think we both have things to unlearn. Build principles to adhere to and keep close, instead of just... doing what feels easy and natural. Stop each other from being our old selves.} Another deep breath, pass the calming waves down the bond but... don't smother the guilt and pain. Accept it. Even... even pull up memories of the Quill-Song she wove for us as I refocus myself. {And to be... entirely honest, love. You're not wrong in the spirit of your answer, but it wasn't what I was going for. I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to at all compare you. The Witches of the age have their own things to answer for, I think.}
[Yes. I believe so... Would you expand on what you were trying to explain though?]
{The… the practical reason is one of efficiency.} I reply. {On day one, a novice of the arts may cast a flawless spell and claim the title of Witch. But, what makes an Einwandfrei flawless is not its form, but execution. The reason no one does that is because they’ll most likely overexert themselves and sacrifice much if not all of their future life, and that’s why all Witches take years to study. Focus on learning to cast a single spell as efficiently as possible. But with Dollcraft… it’s the subjects Ousia that is spent. The efficiency only dictates the years that Doll will function, and not touch the Crafter’s Wellspring. Most people won’t consent to letting an apprentice fuddle the process but… it does happen when desperate sorts are given no other options. Willing to claim a few decades or even scarce years in a form they can stand as opposed to… to the alternative. Or nothing.}
I have to take a deep breath as old terrors bubble up. {And this leads to the next problem I’ve stumbled into on finding a way to protect not just you but… but Adaline and any others here who don’t want a Mistress. Who never wanted to be ensouled to another’s whims and wither under the Tone. I’ve found nearly nothing written on the mental state of Dolls, the effects of the Tone, or… or ANYTHING!} I’m shouting now. {NOTHING! No one CARES! It’s not that these books don’t realize these poor souls have thoughts and dreams and… and can love as deeply as anyone else, they just don’t think it’s worth the ink to write about.}
{And I’ve seen it now, Xafra. You have too.} I hiss. {In my wonderful Schatzi, and our steadfast Verbess. How they’ve blossomed since I stopped using the Tone at every whim. How… how it flays the mind and… and has ruined them when used horridly. How I knew and didn’t CARE, because what I was taught and embraced was that all that matters is FUNCTION, not their happiness. Because, as you said, they were nothing but a tool to me.}
::Understanding/Compassion:: Flows over the bond underlying Xafra's words [Yes. This is something we will fix. I don't... desire to own all of the Dolls here on the Estate, but I am determined to have them happy and capable of living fulfilling lives. This... concept of Pinnates gives me hope that it can be done without too much complications.]
{I think so as well. Thank you.} I reply, moving to lean against the nearest while still holding my Xafra close. {For all this and… and helping Adaline. I know she’s a mess but… but you seem to give her stability and courage and enable her to make her own mistakes instead of simply clawing free of mine. She was always such an incredible gerl even… even though she wouldn’t say so.}
[She is... intimidatingly smart. From the bit we've discussed, she knows more about mundane medicine and techniques than I've ever even considered possible. Did you know that she threatened to murder me because she knows about transplant rejection and thought I might be subjecting you to lifelong dependency on specialized weavings or chemicals? I've never heard of chemicals that use no magic to treat such a thing.]
I can’t help but chuckle aloud. {I hadn’t either, until we… Well, she got me talking again. Shared her past and studies and what all she’d discovered about the body in those months before the end. Things I only understood from the perspective of the magical but not the physical. She would have become a Matron of Fleshcrafting within another few decades, even… honestly even despite the Rot. Her brilliance would have driven her to find a cure. Perhaps even you if... if I had developed the Blasenplage in time.}
[Fuck the rules, and let's focus on the future. She can still work on stuff and well... I need to understand how Dolls actually function more first, but I have a few ideas to allow her and the others more autonomy and capabilities but... not sure if I should discuss yet. Don't want to get hopes up prematurely.]
I sigh and let my relief flow freely down the bond. {I think Adaline would adore that chance. She’s… not fragile. Not as much as I thought. She can handle disappointment and, perhaps, might see solutions to problems you do not. Give solid ground to consider the tides that sometimes wash her away?}
[Mmhm definitely.]
I consider bringing up my second research topic, the… the selfish thing I yearn to share with her but… Not yet. Others come first. I’ve lived with the face of First Floret Lynette for almost two decades now, I can survive a few more weeks of it. Use it as a reminder of… of who I can never become again.
So I rise, lifting my Xafra as I stand. {Alright love. Let’s get you back to your Spire and to those you’ve chosen to serve as their Mistress and guardian.}
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Quirks Of The Tone And Dollcraft (Witch)
Content Warnings:
SpoilerTalk of dehumanization. Worry over loss of personhood. Face kickins!!! Talk of past mass murder. Talk of guilt and wanting to seek some manner of peace through better actions.
[collapse]
In a flash of spite I growl {Blasenplage} and boil the remaining dirt away to vapors. Leaving a claw shaped ten foot deep gouge. And at the core is the cradle, pristine and devoid of all refuse. My fingers are numb after Dead Hag knows how long of using them to dig up as much of this grave as I could stand. Hoping the task would quiet my fury but... it only grew hotter.
{Xafra, if you would, please tell Adaline I have the bones she requested.} I intone across our bond with none of the wroth I've cultivated. {Where would she like me to leave them?}
[There has been... an incident, my love. I understand that you are dealing with some strong emotions but I could use some direction.]
Of course.
I huff and sigh, but let nothing of that reach her. {Always. I apologize if my mood communicated otherwise. What advice can I give?}
[I... think I broke Adaline.]
Broke? How by the Cracked and Riven Moon could Adaline get MORE broken? Panicked or… or relapsing I’d understand. She must have three dozen triggers we’ll have to learn to navigate around but… Oh no.
Catatonic? Stupid Half-Knit, should have waited till you tested things on more Dolls!
I just barely keep my feet moving. {You’ll have to give me specifics. Is she able to communicate her distress? What caused this?}
[She thinks that I am her Mistress and her entire demeanor and speech pattern has changed. There was a strange doll in the basement of the Storage Spire that was hurting itself in attempts to get away from us. When... I freed it, it fled deeper into the tunnels and it was like the change between Verbess and Schatzi in Adaline, but there's only one of her. She seems fine but I... don't know. I don't want to make things even worse by doing anything else without you.]
{I'm on my way.} Is all I trust myself to reply without screaming in fury over our bond as I weave my song of endurance and motion. Doubling my pace.
Finally free, only to be leashed to another Mistress by mistake.
I've managed to calm a touch by the time I've found the two of them. Xafra is sitting on the ground with her head in her hands while Adaline is happily picking some flowers.
"Wife Elevar! Mistress Xafra helped this one get all the others out, and this one got you some flowers to say sorry."
I very nearly flinch at that. “You’ve nothing to apologize for, dear one. But you are too sweet.”
Xafra mumbles. "I don't understand it. There's no weavings... Nothing compelling the way she thinks or speaks that I can see."
I move to sit next with my Xafra and let out a deep sigh as I lay a hand on her massive arm. Intone ::Comfort/Peace/Calm/Considerations/Blameless:: {Were these normal circumstances I’d… honestly think this was just a Doll without her Mistress finally reunited. Mind at ease. But… No. And I question my own past lessons and education on this. Now, walk me through things. Step by step. Then we’ll go from there.}
She does, keeping it to the bond so as to not upset the seemingly peaceful Adaline considering my words. Able to share precise wording and images and sensations in but a few passing heartbeats.
{Well… I would say we eliminate the familiar and work our way backwards.} I suggest. {Use the same Tone as you did when you first freed her, perhaps remold the outer shell in the same fashion?}
[I think it could work. I'm willing to try if you'd like.] She replies with a sigh of worry and discomfort. [I feel dirty, like I've stolen her mind from her.]
"This one does though! This one lied to you earlier and made you upset, and that's not good. This one doesn't want to ever make you sad." Adaline chimes in to our unspoken conversation.
“You did not, dear one. Do not worry over me.” I shake my head and murmur softly to Adaline while intoning to my partner. {You did not not violate her will, Xafra. Gave no commands. Simply… stumbled into an old wound. Perhaps even a defensive measure. I… we should ask if she’s alone in her own mind. Either before or after. I cannot decide that, but I think after would be better.}
[Alright. Would you like me to-]
"HEY! Just because this one is happy doesn't mean it's not smart anymore, you're being patronizing and not listening!" Adaline stomps in front of Xafra and I, "Mistress Xafra made it so it's quiet in my head now and it doesn't have the scratchiness anymore. Watch this. Mistress. Please tell me to do something."
"Uhhh. Adaline, jump up and down five times." Xafra commands carefully.
"No!" And then... Adaline proceeds to kick Xafra in the face. Bouncing off, of course, and doing no harm.
Xafra huffs and wipes any dirt the blow left. "Why the face again? It doesn't hurt but it's just rude" But intones with a tinting of hope. [Soooo... I don't know if that changes things or?]
{It does, actually.} I can’t help but let out an exasperated chuckle as I stand. “I'm sorry, Adaline. I… assumed the worst. Your apology is accepted, but not needed. I’m glad Xafra could aid you. Do you require anything else from me?”
"This one... No.” She pauses. “This one wants, but doesn't require anything from you. This one wants us to fix our relationship. This one missed you so much."
My anger flares and tears harder than earlier as I freeze under her words. Riven between all my past mistakes. Both when made with full knowledge of the harm I would wrought, and when holding a certainty that I was somehow doing better.
Both weigh like wounds in my rotted heart as I have no idea what to do.
“I…” Another step back as I try for some measure of honesty. “I never want to hurt you again, but even… even at my darkest you only caught glimmers of the cruel thing I am. I will gift you anything in my power beyond the three withheld, but… please, do not ask for things that will only bring you more pain. Find better souls to occupy your life now that freedom is laid before you.”
I have to turn away then, would bear the memory of whatever look crosses her face but... can't spoil this honesty with what I feel bubbling up.
Not again.
"No!” Adaline says from behind. “This one doesn't want to take anything from you. Won't. This one is going to... Bully Mistress Xafra into claiming and naming the laundry doll that Primrose loves and... Claiming this one too! Because this one is stubborn and mean and loves you and doesn't care if your try to be cruel because Mistress Xafra won't let you hurt this one if it's claimed by her."
I risk a glance back, avoiding Adaline’s gaze as best I can. Find Xafra to be silent, motionless like she could fade into the environment through sheer immobility.
“That… Should be a hopefully long discussion between the both of you.” I sigh, “And a thing I will remain well separated from, if allowed. Thank you for… for attending to the others. We were wanting to make sure no undue effects surfaced in Primrose during this first week but… it seems to be flourishing. So long as the two of you take care and avoid the lower levels more can be aided if you desire to help with that.”
"Thank you, my Mate." Xafra whispers.
I almost snap at this fool gerl for thanking me for letting her fix my mistakes but... cut off the words. Instead, decide to channel that annoyance into something productive. "You're welcome. I'm going to see about this Doll that slithered off, and... and whatever nonsense bubbled up in the Undercroft. After that... well. I'd like to get your opinion on some research I've been doing. Topics quite pertinent to your work if you mean to aid these Dolls in their recovery."
"Alright." She smiles so brightly.
** ** **
My disparate angers have dulled a bit. Simmered to a manageable mess, at least before I couldn’t find the Doll in the main sub-chambers. The odd snake gerlthing is nowhere to be found, and as it is a Doll my normally precise Ousia senses are all but useless in tracking the poor thing. Can only hope that the most it can do is break itself and not pester anything particularly dangerous if it wandered deeper. And the Undercroft… Cracked and Riven Moon, what even happened here?
The sight re-boils my annoyance a touch.
The entrance to the undercroft is barred by a sad sight. A memorial to a nameless doll painted on a bed sheet tacked across the doors. Not enough to prevent even the slightly determined passage, but…
{Xafra, dear. I… If you’re free I’d like to get your opinion on that research.}
[Certainly. Would you like me to come to you or…?]
{My Spire, if you please. I’ll ask Schatzi to brew us some tea.}
By the time I take the tunnels back to my Spire, Xafra’s already arrived. Still in her Warlord’s form and considering the largest mug I have, which is still comically small in her hands.
“Thank you for coming out and… continuing to be patient with all this.” I sigh as I move to regard the stack of tomes and journals and notes I’d left just before the surgery. “Has… no. Nevermind. How are you doing? I’ve neglected to make sure my Näherin is alright. This… has been a lot.”
"It has.” She nods, adjusting to sit more comfortably on the soft Root floor. Form just… too big for any chairs. “This has been the most... Everything I've experienced in lifetimes. But, it's like crest-gliding, where you simply have to learn to feel the ocean's waves and go with them to soar above the rest."
“The…” I shake my head at the internal sight I struggle to consider. “The Sea must have been a much more peaceful beast last you saw it, beyond the slight dalliance we shared on the Causeway, If such a thing could be done without fear of death.”
"Not peaceful, but without the Moonwaste, it was a place one could live on, with predators and prey alike. The tides were regular things, vicious but known."
I take up my cooled mug and sip, listening and interested but… stalling.
“Really? How did these creatures of the sea contend with the Denizens? Last I read they seemed to have infested it entire for quite some time.”
"The Denizens have always been in the oceans, but they were everywhere else as well. It was very much a matter of carving out space for humanity. The Denizens didn't ever overpredate on the wildlife, they don't need much in the way of food from what I recall..." She pauses considering old memories, "The oldest writings I can recall basically made it clear that only the deep caves of Dämmerung and the darkest parts of the ocean where the Bondsmiths built their crystal garrisons were inhospitable to the Denizens, likely because no Nomos could reach those places."
“That… Is something I only really picked up from you, honestly.” I toy with the little Wispflame for a second. “What you’ve told me about Nomos… Isn’t not really something I’ve studied beyond Thresher considerations, and most of their words shared simply instruct us to use Ousia to burn through their aura of it. Never the… the subtleties. And that, more than so much else, worries me. What else have I been missing? Have I ignored?”
"I'm… not sure. very few of me were scholars, even less were anything but Mundane humans."
I huff and consider how best to go about…
“Which… brings me to this.” I wave a hand and manifest two tomes from my personal Archive. One small and honestly thin, the other easily five times as large. “You’ve had a busy week, and absorbed more than any other Witch after years of research, so don’t take these prompts as anything but assuring you have the foundations of this. Just... visual examples to illustrate the issues. Alright?”
She nods.
I motion to the large book, “This nonsense is the collected research on my Blasenplage. Everything needed to replicate the work. A touch larger than your average Einwandfrei but... not by much.” Then to the small. “And this little thing, is all you’d need to absorb and mimic to weave a basic Doll. Can you tell me why there is such a disparity between the two?
Xafra takes the ethereal books in hand and her face goes slack for a moment as I see her take duplicate copies of the books down into her Driftdream, likely to add to the library there.
"Witchling, You've done... a lot of study on your creation, with my limited knowledge I can see only minor gaps in it, the issue you experienced on the way here being the main one. This other one. It's... lacking any sort of research, explanation, or philosophy, just the sanitized instructions on how to do it and the restrictions on design. It's the equivalent of handing a child a knife and telling them that carrying it makes them a soldier. Is this what is taught?"
I just… stare. “You… Cracked and Riven Moon. Why didn’t you ask for all the rest of the books this way? I feel as though I’ve wasted your time with the physical copies.”
"I don't think so? I know what's in these ones now, but I have limited understanding of the implications and reasoning. With the other's you've given me, I was able to form thoughts on them as Primrose read them to me and probably have a better grasp on the concepts. I'd appreciate the other books I've read offered this way as well so I can double check the texts I generated of course."
I nod and relax a bit. “Of course, and to answer your question… Yes and No. The Primers are important, but this is the core needed once you grasp the practice. And to speed to the next and more important question… Why do you suspect I would insist any Witch memorize the notes on my Blasenplage in full, but only keep the Doll Drafting book on hand after understanding the core concepts when attempting either for the first time.”
"Why would you? Because you don't make Dolls yourself. With the influences in your mind you were literally prevented from even trying to consider them much more than tools." She replies… and I can’t help but purse my lips in annoyance.
“I thought worse of Dolls than that even before my arrival here. Don’t make excuses for me, Xafra.” I douse the Wisp Flame in my tether’s grip and lean my hips against the desk while crossing arms. “Now, to my question. But this time looking past me. Consider your average and fairly gentle Crafter of Dolls. Why would they, perhaps, advise their students to never even consider casting an Einwandfrei after their first but would let them try and craft many simple Dolls?”
"Oh. Because Mundanes are disposable. Without the training in one of the Arts, they're basically... not even... people." With a look of horror, Xafra shifts back to spear form, and is about to clatter to the ground but I’m able to dart forward and just barely catch her.
I pause, wincing in worry as I carefully reach out to her while cradling spearform close. {Xafra, love…? I… I’m sorry that… that wasn’t… I just…}
[I... Elevar, what have I done?]
{Nothing. Love, you’ve gifted every Doll that has crossed your path nothing but kindness beyond what most give to people of flesh and bone.} I assure her. {Any fault of your actions have bloomed from my instructions. My Mistakes.}
[No. All the hatred I have for the Witches that created me... and yet I've ruined just as many lives of bystanders and innocents, with the simple justification that the end was necessary, that they died painlessly, that death is a natural part of life and doesn't require consent. I truly am Soulbane.]
{Xafra, you…}
[How do I ever atone?]
I sigh and curl closer about her, intone gently. {I… I don't know. Was hoping you could tell me that. But... I'm starting to think that... that maybe we just...} I swallow, hard. {Can't. And I've never known how to handle that. So I'm just... trying to do better.}
[Okay. We can do better together. We can... maybe change things? So others don't repeat our mistakes?]
{I... Yes. We can try. At least for those closest to us. I think we both have things to unlearn. Build principles to adhere to and keep close, instead of just... doing what feels easy and natural. Stop each other from being our old selves.} Another deep breath, pass the calming waves down the bond but... don't smother the guilt and pain. Accept it. Even... even pull up memories of the Quill-Song she wove for us as I refocus myself. {And to be... entirely honest, love. You're not wrong in the spirit of your answer, but it wasn't what I was going for. I... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to at all compare you. The Witches of the age have their own things to answer for, I think.}
[Yes. I believe so... Would you expand on what you were trying to explain though?]
{The… the practical reason is one of efficiency.} I reply. {On day one, a novice of the arts may cast a flawless spell and claim the title of Witch. But, what makes an Einwandfrei flawless is not its form, but execution. The reason no one does that is because they’ll most likely overexert themselves and sacrifice much if not all of their future life, and that’s why all Witches take years to study. Focus on learning to cast a single spell as efficiently as possible. But with Dollcraft… it’s the subjects Ousia that is spent. The efficiency only dictates the years that Doll will function, and not touch the Crafter’s Wellspring. Most people won’t consent to letting an apprentice fuddle the process but… it does happen when desperate sorts are given no other options. Willing to claim a few decades or even scarce years in a form they can stand as opposed to… to the alternative. Or nothing.}
I have to take a deep breath as old terrors bubble up. {And this leads to the next problem I’ve stumbled into on finding a way to protect not just you but… but Adaline and any others here who don’t want a Mistress. Who never wanted to be ensouled to another’s whims and wither under the Tone. I’ve found nearly nothing written on the mental state of Dolls, the effects of the Tone, or… or ANYTHING!} I’m shouting now. {NOTHING! No one CARES! It’s not that these books don’t realize these poor souls have thoughts and dreams and… and can love as deeply as anyone else, they just don’t think it’s worth the ink to write about.}
{And I’ve seen it now, Xafra. You have too.} I hiss. {In my wonderful Schatzi, and our steadfast Verbess. How they’ve blossomed since I stopped using the Tone at every whim. How… how it flays the mind and… and has ruined them when used horridly. How I knew and didn’t CARE, because what I was taught and embraced was that all that matters is FUNCTION, not their happiness. Because, as you said, they were nothing but a tool to me.}
::Understanding/Compassion:: Flows over the bond underlying Xafra's words [Yes. This is something we will fix. I don't... desire to own all of the Dolls here on the Estate, but I am determined to have them happy and capable of living fulfilling lives. This... concept of Pinnates gives me hope that it can be done without too much complications.]
{I think so as well. Thank you.} I reply, moving to lean against the nearest while still holding my Xafra close. {For all this and… and helping Adaline. I know she’s a mess but… but you seem to give her stability and courage and enable her to make her own mistakes instead of simply clawing free of mine. She was always such an incredible gerl even… even though she wouldn’t say so.}
[She is... intimidatingly smart. From the bit we've discussed, she knows more about mundane medicine and techniques than I've ever even considered possible. Did you know that she threatened to murder me because she knows about transplant rejection and thought I might be subjecting you to lifelong dependency on specialized weavings or chemicals? I've never heard of chemicals that use no magic to treat such a thing.]
I can’t help but chuckle aloud. {I hadn’t either, until we… Well, she got me talking again. Shared her past and studies and what all she’d discovered about the body in those months before the end. Things I only understood from the perspective of the magical but not the physical. She would have become a Matron of Fleshcrafting within another few decades, even… honestly even despite the Rot. Her brilliance would have driven her to find a cure. Perhaps even you if... if I had developed the Blasenplage in time.}
[Fuck the rules, and let's focus on the future. She can still work on stuff and well... I need to understand how Dolls actually function more first, but I have a few ideas to allow her and the others more autonomy and capabilities but... not sure if I should discuss yet. Don't want to get hopes up prematurely.]
I sigh and let my relief flow freely down the bond. {I think Adaline would adore that chance. She’s… not fragile. Not as much as I thought. She can handle disappointment and, perhaps, might see solutions to problems you do not. Give solid ground to consider the tides that sometimes wash her away?}
[Mmhm definitely.]
I consider bringing up my second research topic, the… the selfish thing I yearn to share with her but… Not yet. Others come first. I’ve lived with the face of First Floret Lynette for almost two decades now, I can survive a few more weeks of it. Use it as a reminder of… of who I can never become again.
So I rise, lifting my Xafra as I stand. {Alright love. Let’s get you back to your Spire and to those you’ve chosen to serve as their Mistress and guardian.}
Thanks SO much for reading this SUPER fun collaborative project we is doing with Ruby, Blade of Dusk
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