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(A/N Open A Can Of Whoop-ass: The common expression 'can of whoop ass' is a figurative saying that is sometimes used to mean that someone is about to unleash their wrath, or put their anger into motion. The saying is often meant as a direct insult, and can be said to someone or about them.)
Chapter 124 Open A Can Of Whoop-ass, No That's Beer! by Drunken-Master
That Colt won't be firing bullets for a while! Just brutal, and to think he won, but sadly won't be able to fight in the next round.
I bet next year, the rules are gonna change.
Tina walked by me and in front of everyone, just kissed my lips with a happy face. She then sexily went back to sit with Kim, Jenifer, Mercy, and James.
I walked back to my ring with a grin. Yup, that's my woman, the Blood Demon.
I looked over at the next ring adjacent to mine, and I could see Logan Chen had been watching that match with interest. He has also been trying to study my fighting form. He is a fresh Master, and has only been one for probably less than a year.
For the skill levels of professions I would estimate, using Martial Arts as a base-line, the average age for a normal person is something like...
Amateur Skill Level: A noob or old dog can try anything once.
Basic Skill Level: Around 18 years of age.
Advanced Skill Level: Around 22-25 years of age.
Master Skill Level: Around 30-35 years of age.
Grandmaster Skill Level: Around 45+ years of age.
Now mind you this does not take into account things like, being trained as a small child like Ashley, if you are a genius like Hana, or if you are just stupid like Sam.
So being a Master at the age of 30 for Logan Chen is slightly better than average. He may have also been a Master at around 28 showing his potential.
Now when I said I had 3 lifetimes of shit shoved into my brain when I awakened six months ago, one can see I did not exaggerate.
Frankly, I am a freak of nature with the amount of skill in my brain. This is why the past me only had so many points to spend on skills, because it takes exceptionally more life experience to go from say Basic, to Advanced, to Master , and to Grandmaster. So the doubling of points was not a true waste of resources.
In the last half a year, the skills I obtained that are nearing the Advanced level from Basic are... Acting: Basic, Cat Burglar: Basic, Cooking: Basic, Stealth: Basic, and Thief: Basic.
(A/N The listed skills that Rick thinks are advancing are in fact almost at Advanced level, however he cannot prove it except through observation and comparing to others of the same or worse level. But I will let you the readers know the moment they advance at the start of the chapter when it is official. Also some may notice that Auto-Mechanics did not appear on this advancing list, that is simple, he has not practiced this skill enough to improve it. It will probably stay like that forever. When university is done, his Basic Education will become Advanced as well.)
I don't have one of those status screens or anything to prove this, but my complete Basic knowledge treats me like a person with the highest potential, because I have zero gaps in knowledge in those fields.
Now to take any of these skills from Advanced to Master, would be years of hard work due to my new knowledge having gaps in it.
How long will it take me to advance my skill level in my Advanced Skills and make them Master level? Probably around 2 to 4 years, but this is super-fast if you look at the age section I mentioned. My Grandmaster skill can never truly become higher, due to the fact I literally learned everything past and current.
So yes, Logan Chen is going to be a formidable opponent in the sport fight, and not a man I can super easily defeat. I won't lose for sure, but he might actually get a point or two on me because the rules give him an advantage of limiting me. If it was a life and death fight, I would curb-stomp him.
Logan Chen looked at me watching him, and his dark-eyes squinted. He can tell I see through him, and this makes him alert. His fight is starting now, so I can see him move again.
-
Logan versus Ashley!
Sadly I forgot to tell Ashley about this guy, but there is no medicine for regret. I watched the two fighters prepare. Logan recognized her fighting style from the now gone Mountain Temple, he started to fight her aggressively.
After Logan got his first point with a painful knife-hand strike to her neck, Ashley recognized his style from the Sea Temple, but her age of 18 vs his age of 30 told her she was outmatched. This guy is about as skilled as the assassins, her temple used to send out.
On the next go, Logan, like a sea-snake slithered behind her, putting her into a choke-hold, and avoided her elbows and strikes to earn a point. I can tell he is not trying to win with points, and is trying to embarrass the rival fallen temple.
Finally, Ashley had scored a lucky elbow into him, forcing him to let her go and breathe. He only gave her a mocking smile seeing her gasp for air. Like a predator watching its prey struggle.
On the third start, he swiftly shot to her side and grabbed her exposed left-arm and with a grab-and-twist, he pulled and dislocated her arm from the shoulder socket.
"AHHH!"
Ashley had her arm look a bit off and she grit her bite-guard to fight the pain, as Logan made the point on her torso before the Referee stopped the chance.
While the Referee was looking at Ashley, her eyes saw mine, and I shook my head, so she said something to the Referee and he called a forfeit from her, ending Logan's fun.
-
Ashley headed straight to me, and I looked at her shoulder, and it was a simple dislocation I can pop back in, so I told her.
"Ashley, I will pop it back, use your bite guard, because it will hurt a bit."
She smiled and said.
"No need, this has happened a few times in my past, thanks."
So without hesitation, I grabbed the point on her upper arm and shoulder, then gave just the right force to pop it back in. She only grunted a bit, and I could see the coach coming over.
I looked at my work and nodded to a job done well, then I told her.
"Have Jim hold a big ice-pack for you to help keep him calm and feel useful, then go to Hana for a followup since I have to fight."
"Thanks Rick. Also, we are family now, right? Only the family looks like that, and not because of Jimbo."
I smile because I can tell she figured her aunt out. So I grin and only say.
"Well, if you ever marry Jim, I will be a Monkey's Uncle."
Ashley smiled and said playfully, showing me she has a sense of humor.
"Then, I will call him Monkey instead of Jimbo from now on, see you later and good luck fighting him."
Then Ashley walked off with Coach to get her ice. I turned my head to Logan and my heart has no sympathy for a man like him.
When Logan saw my expressionless eyes he looked serious, like he saw one of his teachers that had scolded him in the past.
-
Up in the VIP room, Lucy had zoomed in on my face and a smile graced her lips seeing my eyes.
Victoria, seeing her niece get defeated like that, was worried and asked the one person watching who was Lucy.
"What is happening, why did she forfeit, was it serious?"
"Calm down Boss, Rick gave her a signal to quit, because that guy was from a rival Temple to your niece. Rick will deal with him for her, so just be calm if she comes here."
"Will Rick be fine?"
Lucy pointed to the screen showing my expressionless face, she then smiled.
"That is the look Rick gets when he is going to 'open a can of whoop-ass' on someone, fufu. Just watch the show when they fight."
-
So I cleanly won my match, not in the best mood but did not take it out on the poor University students in my path up the rank to fight Logan.
After my fourth match that determined the final contestants were me and Logan, a short 10 minute break was called, so they could move the rings and just have one in the middle of the stadium.
As I sat with Tina, Mercy, Kim, and Jenifer I asked them.
"Did you bring it?"
Jenifer smiled and opened her bag from the restaurant. She picked-up and handed me a 6 pack of canned Miller Lite beer with a smile. I took it and thank, then asked.
"Thanks Jen, and did someone get the copy of the rules, from Lucy?"
Jenifer, hearing me call her Jen for the first time, just became dazed. Tina pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to me.
"Lucy told me to tell you, she may have changed the Tournaments past rules a bit, to show this 'old' provision for your style."
I take it and see she went back a hundred years past their current rule books and added the Drunken-Style tidbit of alcohol consumption not breaking any rules, and without overriding this old but fake policy, it is still legal. Actually there is no rule against contestants drinking though, so it is just added insurance they don't stop me. Having another hacker with me is so nice. Guess I have to keep her.
Flick Pop! I opened my first beer, and started to down it, I only have about 5 minutes and I have six beers, so I will drink until I enter the ring as part of the show. The six beers will not make me lose my fighting ability with Drunken-Style, in fact, it will only aid me in getting in the mindset of drunkenness.
-
Just as it was time to get going, Tracy Hong yelled for me and her eyes opened when she saw what I was doing.
"Rick, you are up and good L-? What in blazes, are you drunk?!"
I stood up swaying using my Acting Basic and Kung-Fu Grandmaster to perfectly sway and nod in a drunken manner. Anyone that does not know me well only sees a drunk young man that can't even walk straight, heading for the ring.
I have an unopened beer in my left-hand, and I am actively drinking the fifth beer in my right, ignoring my stupefied Coaches and classmates.
Tina stood and yelled while comically pointing for me, as part of my gag. I had purposefully started walking a bit off from the ring.
"Rick dear, good luck! Oh and the ring is that way dear, Ufufu."
I waved at a random attractive woman in the general direction, and yelled.
"Thaaaaaanks dear, hic, I knew that, hic!"
HA HA HA HA!
Many in the audience started to laugh, not sure if I am serious or just an idiot drunk, but they did not care, they were just entertained due to my acting. Little did I know this not only helped my acting skill with such a large audience, but later it was the main reason I got pressured into showbiz.
Halfway to the ring, I finished the fifth beer and tossed the empty can behind me, and then held my last unopened can in my hand, finding the note.
Beeeeeeeelch! As the Referee was going to stop me, I let out an exceptionally loud belch with the brewery smell in his face, handing him the letter to read.
"Theorems, the rules, fool, read em and weep, hic!"
Logan standing in the ring asked me.
"What is that, and are you drunk?!"
I point to the beer while swaying and say. If this story is on any-other site than Scribble Hub, then it was stolen without permission!
"Hic, Dis is a Can Of Whoop-ass!"
"No, that is a can of beer!"
Flick Pop! And I start to down the sixth can as the Referee helplessly looks at me and can't find a rule against me drinking before entering the ring. The Referee announced to the crowd and judges.
[Due to a rule loophole, there is no rule for contestants to drink before or after the match. Intoxication is not covered, and his martial arts style relies on his intoxication, so the fight will continue.]
Beeeeeeeelch! Tink Tink Tink Roll! After another great feeling belch, I tossed the empty can over my shoulder and it bounced nicely, then rolled.
A staff member came and picked up the can along with the trail of empty's I left, making the crowd laugh some-more. I staggered into the ring swaying left and right, forward and backward.
In my heart, I feel bad for this poor Referee I am trolling, but the act must continue. This slight beer buzz I have going is making my acting better surprisingly, like a prop.
As I go to stand on my white-line, I am about two inches over the line, and the Referee told me.
"Back up please Mr Tang."
"Stop yelling! I can hear a fly fart, I am moving back!"
I fake fall backwards onto my back, like I tripped on nothing and I am looking up. I pointed at Logan Chen and yelled.
"Ref my buddy, you saw that right?! He just sneak attacked me! Hic! That is something a Snake would do! I win, right?"
I can tell the Referee wants to slap me hard. He calmed down and said.
"Both of you bow to each-other, so we can begin."
I do a prostrating-bow and not the traditional bow, so I don't have to stand, this elicited another round of laughter, and the Referee decided to not even correct me, He only said.
"Let the Final Rounds match, START!"
I immediately fell backwards like a snow-angel, and faced my legs towards Logan in his Snake -Stance. He cant strike my legs for points and I can easily kick him like this, so I am baiting him into kicking or trying to grab me.
So with great speed, trying to evade my retaliation, Logan rushed to strike my torso! He was fast and decisive.
In an almost lazy motion, I had raised my leg at a strange angle and swiftly extended my foot, using the ground underneath me, like I used the tree on B in the forest, I used leverage to give him the kick-version of Bruce Lee's famous, 1 Inch Punch Technique!
(A/N 1 Inch Punch: The one-inch punch is a punching exercise from Chinese martial arts performed at a range of 0-15 cm (0-6 in). The one-inch punch was popularized by actor and martial artist Bruce Lee. It is purported to improve punching power and technique.)
Crack! I felt the nose break through my soft-soled-shoe, nice direct hit, he was careless!
"Ah! Fuuuck!"
"Point!"
As Logan is grabbing his bleeding nose, and the Referee calls my point, I sat up looking confused and I asked Logan.
"Snake Man, what happened? Who hit you, where is he, or she? Hic!"
The Referee ignored us both and then dropped his hand again just wanting this fight to end.
Logan sees me sitting on my ass, throws his whole snake act out the window and does a flying jump kick into my torso, but foreseeing his action, I only lazily roll sideways like a log going down hill, narrowly avoiding his deadly kick.
As he got his stance back to face me from the near miss, I stumbled to my feet like invisible-wires pulled me up, like a marionette doll...
Logan, seeing me stand in a bizarre fashion, just decided to knife strike me in the throat, to end me. I actually felt a slight amount of killing behind his strike now he was played.
Avoiding his deadly thrust of his knife-hand, I stumbled backwards, and he missed my throat by a small margin, but everyone clearly saw where he was aiming for due to my movements.
With his arm overextended, I pretended to be falling and acted like I accidentally grabbed his wrist to keep from falling. I sank my fingers extremely hard into his wrist and yanked at a crazy angle, while using my body to pull his arm out of socket, letting gravity assist me in the tug.
Thud! And I made an exaggerated sound hitting the mat, and just as he was going to scream, my right-foot comically flew up like the fall caused it hitting him in his jaw.
"Point!"
I let go of his right-arm that is now hanging funny and he forcefully popped it back in place on himself. Yes normal folk cant easily do that, but a Master sure can.
Knowing my next possible plan I asked both men. Thankfully the crowd can hear us.
"Did you two see my underwear?! I lost it, or someone stole it, Oh, I am supposed to stand here right? Hic!"
I stumbled back to my white-line, and the Referee dropped his hand again, praying this would be over soon.
I started to sway back and forth but Logan was no longer mad, but cautious, he had figured out too late, I am better than he thought.
Back in his snake style he tried a spear-hand-thrust to test the waters, and as his strike was nearing, I stumbled to the side, so he retracted his arm to not let me do the same thing I did before. But to his disbelieving eyes, I fell face down on the mat exposing my back to him, if only he were to stomp?!
"Zzz... Zzz... Zzz..."
He and the Referee froze hearing snoring sounds coming from me! Did this Rick Lee just fall asleep?!
The Referee started the ten second countdown for knockouts.
"10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4..."
"Fuck, just five more minutes mom! Hic!"
I sat up and the countdown stopped to his annoyance, and Logan then reached for me, and that was what I was looking for!
I grabbed both of his arms and pulled him down hard so he fell face-first onto the mat, and I climbed on his back and shoulders, with my knees on his arms, pinning them. My ass was sitting on the back of his head so he could not see well. All he could do was swing his feet up at me to try and score a point to get me off him.
"Hic! Fuck, you really did steal my underwear you thief!"
Logan, the Referee, and the crowd were not sure what the fuck I was slurring, till...
I reached into the top of his pants, grasping the waistband of his sport-cup underwear, and yanked, really hard!
"AAAAAHHHHHH!"
Yes on live-television, Logan Chen was given a two-handed super wedgie!
I only stopped when I heard fabric-tearing and saw a spec of brown and red. I then finished him off with.
"Hic! Sorry, that is not mine, mine are only white, yours have color!"
I then raised my hand high up, and flat, then swung it down hard on his lower-back leaving a perfect red-hand-print.
"Point! Winner #74 and new champion of this year's University State Cup!"
I then quickly got off of this angry train-wreck, and bowed to the Referee, and then did a back-flip to show the crowd I was not actually drunk, then I smiled at the Referee and extended my hand for a shake. He just now realized I had been acting all along.
"Thanks for being a great sport, I will go now, and um, he might need medical attention, cough, Hic!"
Okay, I have a little buzz.
And that is how I Opened a Can of Whoop-ass on this guy!
Click the [ ] Button on ALL chapters! Thank You!
Click the [ ] Button on ALL chapters! Thank You!
(A/N Open A Can Of Whoop-ass: The common expression 'can of whoop ass' is a figurative saying that is sometimes used to mean that someone is about to unleash their wrath, or put their anger into motion. The saying is often meant as a direct insult, and can be said to someone or about them.)
Chapter 124 Open A Can Of Whoop-ass, No That's Beer! by Drunken-Master
That Colt won't be firing bullets for a while! Just brutal, and to think he won, but sadly won't be able to fight in the next round.
I bet next year, the rules are gonna change.
Tina walked by me and in front of everyone, just kissed my lips with a happy face. She then sexily went back to sit with Kim, Jenifer, Mercy, and James.
I walked back to my ring with a grin. Yup, that's my woman, the Blood Demon.
I looked over at the next ring adjacent to mine, and I could see Logan Chen had been watching that match with interest. He has also been trying to study my fighting form. He is a fresh Master, and has only been one for probably less than a year.
For the skill levels of professions I would estimate, using Martial Arts as a base-line, the average age for a normal person is something like...
Amateur Skill Level: A noob or old dog can try anything once.
Basic Skill Level: Around 18 years of age.
Advanced Skill Level: Around 22-25 years of age.
Master Skill Level: Around 30-35 years of age.
Grandmaster Skill Level: Around 45+ years of age.
Now mind you this does not take into account things like, being trained as a small child like Ashley, if you are a genius like Hana, or if you are just stupid like Sam.
So being a Master at the age of 30 for Logan Chen is slightly better than average. He may have also been a Master at around 28 showing his potential.
Now when I said I had 3 lifetimes of shit shoved into my brain when I awakened six months ago, one can see I did not exaggerate.
Frankly, I am a freak of nature with the amount of skill in my brain. This is why the past me only had so many points to spend on skills, because it takes exceptionally more life experience to go from say Basic, to Advanced, to Master , and to Grandmaster. So the doubling of points was not a true waste of resources.
In the last half a year, the skills I obtained that are nearing the Advanced level from Basic are... Acting: Basic, Cat Burglar: Basic, Cooking: Basic, Stealth: Basic, and Thief: Basic.
(A/N The listed skills that Rick thinks are advancing are in fact almost at Advanced level, however he cannot prove it except through observation and comparing to others of the same or worse level. But I will let you the readers know the moment they advance at the start of the chapter when it is official. Also some may notice that Auto-Mechanics did not appear on this advancing list, that is simple, he has not practiced this skill enough to improve it. It will probably stay like that forever. When university is done, his Basic Education will become Advanced as well.)
I don't have one of those status screens or anything to prove this, but my complete Basic knowledge treats me like a person with the highest potential, because I have zero gaps in knowledge in those fields.
Now to take any of these skills from Advanced to Master, would be years of hard work due to my new knowledge having gaps in it.
How long will it take me to advance my skill level in my Advanced Skills and make them Master level? Probably around 2 to 4 years, but this is super-fast if you look at the age section I mentioned. My Grandmaster skill can never truly become higher, due to the fact I literally learned everything past and current.
So yes, Logan Chen is going to be a formidable opponent in the sport fight, and not a man I can super easily defeat. I won't lose for sure, but he might actually get a point or two on me because the rules give him an advantage of limiting me. If it was a life and death fight, I would curb-stomp him.
Logan Chen looked at me watching him, and his dark-eyes squinted. He can tell I see through him, and this makes him alert. His fight is starting now, so I can see him move again.
-
Logan versus Ashley!
Sadly I forgot to tell Ashley about this guy, but there is no medicine for regret. I watched the two fighters prepare. Logan recognized her fighting style from the now gone Mountain Temple, he started to fight her aggressively.
After Logan got his first point with a painful knife-hand strike to her neck, Ashley recognized his style from the Sea Temple, but her age of 18 vs his age of 30 told her she was outmatched. This guy is about as skilled as the assassins, her temple used to send out.
On the next go, Logan, like a sea-snake slithered behind her, putting her into a choke-hold, and avoided her elbows and strikes to earn a point. I can tell he is not trying to win with points, and is trying to embarrass the rival fallen temple.
Finally, Ashley had scored a lucky elbow into him, forcing him to let her go and breathe. He only gave her a mocking smile seeing her gasp for air. Like a predator watching its prey struggle.
On the third start, he swiftly shot to her side and grabbed her exposed left-arm and with a grab-and-twist, he pulled and dislocated her arm from the shoulder socket.
"AHHH!"
Ashley had her arm look a bit off and she grit her bite-guard to fight the pain, as Logan made the point on her torso before the Referee stopped the chance.
While the Referee was looking at Ashley, her eyes saw mine, and I shook my head, so she said something to the Referee and he called a forfeit from her, ending Logan's fun.
-
Ashley headed straight to me, and I looked at her shoulder, and it was a simple dislocation I can pop back in, so I told her.
"Ashley, I will pop it back, use your bite guard, because it will hurt a bit."
She smiled and said.
"No need, this has happened a few times in my past, thanks."
So without hesitation, I grabbed the point on her upper arm and shoulder, then gave just the right force to pop it back in. She only grunted a bit, and I could see the coach coming over.
I looked at my work and nodded to a job done well, then I told her.
"Have Jim hold a big ice-pack for you to help keep him calm and feel useful, then go to Hana for a followup since I have to fight."
"Thanks Rick. Also, we are family now, right? Only the family looks like that, and not because of Jimbo."
I smile because I can tell she figured her aunt out. So I grin and only say.
"Well, if you ever marry Jim, I will be a Monkey's Uncle."
Ashley smiled and said playfully, showing me she has a sense of humor.
"Then, I will call him Monkey instead of Jimbo from now on, see you later and good luck fighting him."
Then Ashley walked off with Coach to get her ice. I turned my head to Logan and my heart has no sympathy for a man like him.
When Logan saw my expressionless eyes he looked serious, like he saw one of his teachers that had scolded him in the past.
-
Up in the VIP room, Lucy had zoomed in on my face and a smile graced her lips seeing my eyes.
Victoria, seeing her niece get defeated like that, was worried and asked the one person watching who was Lucy.
"What is happening, why did she forfeit, was it serious?"
"Calm down Boss, Rick gave her a signal to quit, because that guy was from a rival Temple to your niece. Rick will deal with him for her, so just be calm if she comes here."
"Will Rick be fine?"
Lucy pointed to the screen showing my expressionless face, she then smiled.
"That is the look Rick gets when he is going to 'open a can of whoop-ass' on someone, fufu. Just watch the show when they fight."
-
So I cleanly won my match, not in the best mood but did not take it out on the poor University students in my path up the rank to fight Logan.
After my fourth match that determined the final contestants were me and Logan, a short 10 minute break was called, so they could move the rings and just have one in the middle of the stadium.
As I sat with Tina, Mercy, Kim, and Jenifer I asked them.
"Did you bring it?"
Jenifer smiled and opened her bag from the restaurant. She picked-up and handed me a 6 pack of canned Miller Lite beer with a smile. I took it and thank, then asked.
"Thanks Jen, and did someone get the copy of the rules, from Lucy?"
Jenifer, hearing me call her Jen for the first time, just became dazed. Tina pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to me.
"Lucy told me to tell you, she may have changed the Tournaments past rules a bit, to show this 'old' provision for your style."
I take it and see she went back a hundred years past their current rule books and added the Drunken-Style tidbit of alcohol consumption not breaking any rules, and without overriding this old but fake policy, it is still legal. Actually there is no rule against contestants drinking though, so it is just added insurance they don't stop me. Having another hacker with me is so nice. Guess I have to keep her.
Flick Pop! I opened my first beer, and started to down it, I only have about 5 minutes and I have six beers, so I will drink until I enter the ring as part of the show. The six beers will not make me lose my fighting ability with Drunken-Style, in fact, it will only aid me in getting in the mindset of drunkenness.
-
Just as it was time to get going, Tracy Hong yelled for me and her eyes opened when she saw what I was doing.
"Rick, you are up and good L-? What in blazes, are you drunk?!"
I stood up swaying using my Acting Basic and Kung-Fu Grandmaster to perfectly sway and nod in a drunken manner. Anyone that does not know me well only sees a drunk young man that can't even walk straight, heading for the ring.
I have an unopened beer in my left-hand, and I am actively drinking the fifth beer in my right, ignoring my stupefied Coaches and classmates.
Tina stood and yelled while comically pointing for me, as part of my gag. I had purposefully started walking a bit off from the ring.
"Rick dear, good luck! Oh and the ring is that way dear, Ufufu."
I waved at a random attractive woman in the general direction, and yelled.
"Thaaaaaanks dear, hic, I knew that, hic!"
HA HA HA HA!
Many in the audience started to laugh, not sure if I am serious or just an idiot drunk, but they did not care, they were just entertained due to my acting. Little did I know this not only helped my acting skill with such a large audience, but later it was the main reason I got pressured into showbiz.
Halfway to the ring, I finished the fifth beer and tossed the empty can behind me, and then held my last unopened can in my hand, finding the note.
Beeeeeeeelch! As the Referee was going to stop me, I let out an exceptionally loud belch with the brewery smell in his face, handing him the letter to read.
"Theorems, the rules, fool, read em and weep, hic!"
Logan standing in the ring asked me.
"What is that, and are you drunk?!"
I point to the beer while swaying and say. If this story is on any-other site than Scribble Hub, then it was stolen without permission!
"Hic, Dis is a Can Of Whoop-ass!"
"No, that is a can of beer!"
Flick Pop! And I start to down the sixth can as the Referee helplessly looks at me and can't find a rule against me drinking before entering the ring. The Referee announced to the crowd and judges.
[Due to a rule loophole, there is no rule for contestants to drink before or after the match. Intoxication is not covered, and his martial arts style relies on his intoxication, so the fight will continue.]
Beeeeeeeelch! Tink Tink Tink Roll! After another great feeling belch, I tossed the empty can over my shoulder and it bounced nicely, then rolled.
A staff member came and picked up the can along with the trail of empty's I left, making the crowd laugh some-more. I staggered into the ring swaying left and right, forward and backward.
In my heart, I feel bad for this poor Referee I am trolling, but the act must continue. This slight beer buzz I have going is making my acting better surprisingly, like a prop.
As I go to stand on my white-line, I am about two inches over the line, and the Referee told me.
"Back up please Mr Tang."
"Stop yelling! I can hear a fly fart, I am moving back!"
I fake fall backwards onto my back, like I tripped on nothing and I am looking up. I pointed at Logan Chen and yelled.
"Ref my buddy, you saw that right?! He just sneak attacked me! Hic! That is something a Snake would do! I win, right?"
I can tell the Referee wants to slap me hard. He calmed down and said.
"Both of you bow to each-other, so we can begin."
I do a prostrating-bow and not the traditional bow, so I don't have to stand, this elicited another round of laughter, and the Referee decided to not even correct me, He only said.
"Let the Final Rounds match, START!"
I immediately fell backwards like a snow-angel, and faced my legs towards Logan in his Snake -Stance. He cant strike my legs for points and I can easily kick him like this, so I am baiting him into kicking or trying to grab me.
So with great speed, trying to evade my retaliation, Logan rushed to strike my torso! He was fast and decisive.
In an almost lazy motion, I had raised my leg at a strange angle and swiftly extended my foot, using the ground underneath me, like I used the tree on B in the forest, I used leverage to give him the kick-version of Bruce Lee's famous, 1 Inch Punch Technique!
(A/N 1 Inch Punch: The one-inch punch is a punching exercise from Chinese martial arts performed at a range of 0-15 cm (0-6 in). The one-inch punch was popularized by actor and martial artist Bruce Lee. It is purported to improve punching power and technique.)
Crack! I felt the nose break through my soft-soled-shoe, nice direct hit, he was careless!
"Ah! Fuuuck!"
"Point!"
As Logan is grabbing his bleeding nose, and the Referee calls my point, I sat up looking confused and I asked Logan.
"Snake Man, what happened? Who hit you, where is he, or she? Hic!"
The Referee ignored us both and then dropped his hand again just wanting this fight to end.
Logan sees me sitting on my ass, throws his whole snake act out the window and does a flying jump kick into my torso, but foreseeing his action, I only lazily roll sideways like a log going down hill, narrowly avoiding his deadly kick.
As he got his stance back to face me from the near miss, I stumbled to my feet like invisible-wires pulled me up, like a marionette doll...
Logan, seeing me stand in a bizarre fashion, just decided to knife strike me in the throat, to end me. I actually felt a slight amount of killing behind his strike now he was played.
Avoiding his deadly thrust of his knife-hand, I stumbled backwards, and he missed my throat by a small margin, but everyone clearly saw where he was aiming for due to my movements.
With his arm overextended, I pretended to be falling and acted like I accidentally grabbed his wrist to keep from falling. I sank my fingers extremely hard into his wrist and yanked at a crazy angle, while using my body to pull his arm out of socket, letting gravity assist me in the tug.
Thud! And I made an exaggerated sound hitting the mat, and just as he was going to scream, my right-foot comically flew up like the fall caused it hitting him in his jaw.
"Point!"
I let go of his right-arm that is now hanging funny and he forcefully popped it back in place on himself. Yes normal folk cant easily do that, but a Master sure can.
Knowing my next possible plan I asked both men. Thankfully the crowd can hear us.
"Did you two see my underwear?! I lost it, or someone stole it, Oh, I am supposed to stand here right? Hic!"
I stumbled back to my white-line, and the Referee dropped his hand again, praying this would be over soon.
I started to sway back and forth but Logan was no longer mad, but cautious, he had figured out too late, I am better than he thought.
Back in his snake style he tried a spear-hand-thrust to test the waters, and as his strike was nearing, I stumbled to the side, so he retracted his arm to not let me do the same thing I did before. But to his disbelieving eyes, I fell face down on the mat exposing my back to him, if only he were to stomp?!
"Zzz... Zzz... Zzz..."
He and the Referee froze hearing snoring sounds coming from me! Did this Rick Lee just fall asleep?!
The Referee started the ten second countdown for knockouts.
"10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4..."
"Fuck, just five more minutes mom! Hic!"
I sat up and the countdown stopped to his annoyance, and Logan then reached for me, and that was what I was looking for!
I grabbed both of his arms and pulled him down hard so he fell face-first onto the mat, and I climbed on his back and shoulders, with my knees on his arms, pinning them. My ass was sitting on the back of his head so he could not see well. All he could do was swing his feet up at me to try and score a point to get me off him.
"Hic! Fuck, you really did steal my underwear you thief!"
Logan, the Referee, and the crowd were not sure what the fuck I was slurring, till...
I reached into the top of his pants, grasping the waistband of his sport-cup underwear, and yanked, really hard!
"AAAAAHHHHHH!"
Yes on live-television, Logan Chen was given a two-handed super wedgie!
I only stopped when I heard fabric-tearing and saw a spec of brown and red. I then finished him off with.
"Hic! Sorry, that is not mine, mine are only white, yours have color!"
I then raised my hand high up, and flat, then swung it down hard on his lower-back leaving a perfect red-hand-print.
"Point! Winner #74 and new champion of this year's University State Cup!"
I then quickly got off of this angry train-wreck, and bowed to the Referee, and then did a back-flip to show the crowd I was not actually drunk, then I smiled at the Referee and extended my hand for a shake. He just now realized I had been acting all along.
"Thanks for being a great sport, I will go now, and um, he might need medical attention, cough, Hic!"
Okay, I have a little buzz.
And that is how I Opened a Can of Whoop-ass on this guy!
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