Sheng Xia’s face was gloomy. “Teacher Shi Ye, you’re drunk.”
He kept looking at the window out of the corner of his eye. No one was there, no Zhao Wu, but what about the next second, the next moment?
“I’m very sober,” Shi Ye frowned, “Stop messing around, don’t you like me?”
“I…” Sheng Xia felt uncomfortable all over; he answered slowly, “I like you. I’ve liked you for many years.”
Shi Ye finally sobered up a bit after hearing this. He adjusted his expression and looked at Sheng Xia in front of him again.
There was always a sharpness in his eyes. He gained fame as a young man, and his character was proud. The experiences of these years had accustomed him to scrutinizing others with that cold and sharp gaze, giving him a sense of dominance. When he was with Sheng Xia before, he tried to suppress this sharpness, but he disliked the current situation. He hated things he couldn’t grasp, hated this uncontrollable context.
“What kind of liking?” Shi Ye asked, “Be clear, let’s be clear.”
Sheng Xia’s expression and gaze were somewhat bewildered. He felt his eyes were a bit uncomfortable, so he reached out and took off his glasses.
“Like…” Sheng Xia rubbed his eyes, “I like you, I guess.”
“What kind of liking?” Shi Ye couldn’t stand Sheng Xia’s hesitation. He was quite aggressive. “Like the kind of liking for cats and dogs? Like the liking for pretty girls? Like the liking for rainy days?”
Sheng Xia shook his head. “I haven’t thought about these things. I don’t know. I haven’t liked anyone before…”
“Oh.” Shi Ye nodded and smiled. “Are you playing with me?”
“No!” Sheng Xia panicked. “I … This is so sudden. I just feel really happy when I’m with you, Teacher Shi Ye. I admire you a lot, I’ve always liked you, I want to be like you. I haven’t thought about much more than that, I’m afraid!”
“I’ll ask you again.” Shi Ye was running out of patience. “Do you like me or not? I’ll get annoyed if you keep on like this.”
“I…” Sheng Xia sounded confused. “I really like you. I said, I’ve always needed you, Teacher Shi Ye… Can you understand? It’s like in your life there’s a person who teaches you things you didn’t understand before, and you want to have the same radiance as him, you admire him, you strive because of him. I haven’t thought about that kind of relationship, I haven’t thought about that kind of relationship, I think it’s serious, right? And…”
“Then think about it now.” Shi Ye looked at him. “Now, do you like me or not? Don’t treat me as the aviator Shi Ye. Please, treat me as an ordinary person, someone who can’t sing, can’t play the guitar, someone who doesn’t have that damn radiance, just an ordinary man. Tell me, do you like me?”
Sheng Xia didn’t say anything.
Shi Ye smiled. “When I say ‘like’,” he leaned closer and pinched Sheng Xia’s face, “I mean the kind of liking that I want to take off your clothes, want to hug you, want to kiss you, want you. Is that clear? I’m not a good person. Did you misunderstand me, or did I misunderstand you?”
Sheng Xia was stunned by Shi Ye’s gaze. He didn’t react for a long time, his face alternating between red and white, as if the function of forming words and sentences in his brain had malfunctioned. He didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t thought about it, suddenly, it was this kind of feeling.
What is liking? Feng Min said ‘I like you’, the girl who came to the bar to listen to the songs said ‘I like you’, the fans said ‘I like you’. ‘I like you’, this context feels so gentle. Because you happen to please me, make me happy, so I like you, isn’t this a simple matter, a bit depreciated? It shouldn’t be like this, it should be more, more unique. This kind of liking can change, can wither, it may disappear in the next second, but I won’t.
I’ve always watched you, I’ve always needed you. Even if you can’t sing anymore, can’t play the guitar anymore, even if you’re old, you won’t change, you won’t age, you won’t fade away in my eyes.
Is this love? Is this you?
Sheng Xia felt his eyes moistening. He clenched the bedsheet behind him, finally realizing something in Shi Ye’s expression. That feeling had just emerged, fresh, with a moist smell, so strange that he felt scared, but it also subverted his perception of the world.
Shi Ye’s face looked extremely unpleasant.
He remained calm for a long time, but the alcohol was stimulating his emotions. The more he spoke, the more harsh his words became. “Since you find this situation embarrassing, why didn’t you think about all this when you brought me home? When you hugged me, when you said those things, didn’t you think about this? Now I want you to think about it. You’re acting like you’re forced and can’t wait to die, who are you trying to show your grievances to?”
Sheng Xia’s hands were behind him, gripping the flesh inside his palms tightly. It felt like there was a mountain pressing down on him, squeezing him to death, heavy and nowhere to escape. He was squeezed so tightly that all the emotions in his body were squeezed out, leaving him completely empty.
“Teacher Shi Ye, can we talk properly? Please don’t be angry.” Sheng Xia’s words sounded more like he was talking to himself, don’t be angry with me, “Why do you like me? I’ve watched you for so many years, I dare not even say I like you. That kind of liking, now that you’re telling me these things, I find it hard to believe in. This is not a simple matter, are we… too casual?”
“Casual? Then how do you want to take it seriously?” Shi Ye sneered, “Should I jump out of this window? Or should I buy a ring, shout it out on the street, and rush to announce it? How do you want to prove it? Two men, do you dare to let me prove it?”
Sheng Xia found that they couldn’t communicate now. His face was stiff. “That’s not what I meant.”
Shi Ye was still furious. “Then tell me what you meant.”
What else can I think? You don’t even give me a chance to buffer, you just keep saying you like me with a straight face. What about later, what about the future, what will you do? What about the practical issues, what about Zhao Wu who might be listening to all of this at the door? Do you not care?
Sheng Xia forced himself to consider the current situation, amidst this tangled mess.
“At least, shouldn’t we be on equal footing?” Sheng Xia sounded tired. “I have nothing. Teacher Shi Ye, I don’t know how to explain it to you. I think you should at least…”
Shi Ye heard him rambling on and on, never getting to the point. He had accumulated millions of volts of impatience in his heart. “Stop talking shit to me. Don’t even think about those things. What you need to answer now is, how do you feel about me?”
Sheng Xia wanted to nod instinctively and say he liked him, but that window made him hesitate.
He said, “I don’t know.”
Shi Ye’s face finally completely cooled down. He abandoned his impatience and persistence, stopped the incessant questioning, and said with a settled tone:
“If you don’t like me, there’s no need to torture yourself, do so many unnecessary things. If you’re unwilling, I’ll leave tomorrow. Why are you crying?”
Why am I crying? Did I cry?
Sheng Xia watched Shi Ye leave.
Both reason and emotion seemed to tell him to go after him, so he immediately got out of bed and went to grab Shi Ye’s clothes.
Shi Ye ignored him, forcefully pushing away his hand and leaving the room. Sheng Xia followed him out, barefoot and anxious. Zhao Wu wasn’t outside the door, had he misjudged?
They walked out onto the street.
No one spoke. Sheng Xia didn’t know what to say, he just felt instinctively that following was necessary, as if everything would be lost if Shi Ye left.
Shi Ye was still drunk, his whole body filled with anger. When they reached a secluded place, he finally couldn’t help but turn around and shout, “What are you… where are your shoes?!”
Sheng Xia was stunned by the shout, subconsciously saying, “I… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know, you don’t know anything.” Shi Ye was frustrated, “Don’t embarrass me, go back.”
“Teacher Shi Ye…”
“Don’t call me teacher.” Shi Ye felt like he was losing his temper, it was ridiculous, “I was just passing by here. I’ll pretend none of this ever happened, just leave. I apologize to you, I was wrong, okay? Are you satisfied?”
“I really…” Sheng Xia was a bit incoherent, “I haven’t figured it out yet, and I don’t have anything, I…”
“I know, you want to be like me, want to be famous, want to sing, want to be popular,” Shi Ye spoke faster and faster, “I know, I know it all, stop talking. I’ve met too many like you, it’s really boring. Stop playing with me, I admit defeat, okay? Are you satisfied?”
Boring. Shi Ye had said Sheng Xia was dumb, but the one who was actually dumb was him. He told himself not to exaggerate this mistake, not to exaggerate this feeling, anyway, everything was like this, the people and things you thought would never leave you for a lifetime, aren’t they leaving you now? Don’t be naive, be like an adult, like a rational man. Some leave with dignity and gentleness, some leave looking ugly, you should at least be the one who leaves with a dignified posture.
Isn’t that how relationships are? It’s nothing special. No, this so-called relationship was just a joke that happened in the summer.
You can control your own life, but not love. Love requires the other person to like you too, to say “I do.”
In the end, Shi Ye shook his head, took a step forward, and said again, “Don’t follow me.”
Sheng Xia just stood there, watching Shi Ye’s figure walk away, disappearing from sight.
Sheng Xia’s face was gloomy. “Teacher Shi Ye, you’re drunk.”
He kept looking at the window out of the corner of his eye. No one was there, no Zhao Wu, but what about the next second, the next moment?
“I’m very sober,” Shi Ye frowned, “Stop messing around, don’t you like me?”
“I…” Sheng Xia felt uncomfortable all over; he answered slowly, “I like you. I’ve liked you for many years.”
Shi Ye finally sobered up a bit after hearing this. He adjusted his expression and looked at Sheng Xia in front of him again.
There was always a sharpness in his eyes. He gained fame as a young man, and his character was proud. The experiences of these years had accustomed him to scrutinizing others with that cold and sharp gaze, giving him a sense of dominance. When he was with Sheng Xia before, he tried to suppress this sharpness, but he disliked the current situation. He hated things he couldn’t grasp, hated this uncontrollable context.
“What kind of liking?” Shi Ye asked, “Be clear, let’s be clear.”
Sheng Xia’s expression and gaze were somewhat bewildered. He felt his eyes were a bit uncomfortable, so he reached out and took off his glasses.
“Like…” Sheng Xia rubbed his eyes, “I like you, I guess.”
“What kind of liking?” Shi Ye couldn’t stand Sheng Xia’s hesitation. He was quite aggressive. “Like the kind of liking for cats and dogs? Like the liking for pretty girls? Like the liking for rainy days?”
Sheng Xia shook his head. “I haven’t thought about these things. I don’t know. I haven’t liked anyone before…”
“Oh.” Shi Ye nodded and smiled. “Are you playing with me?”
“No!” Sheng Xia panicked. “I … This is so sudden. I just feel really happy when I’m with you, Teacher Shi Ye. I admire you a lot, I’ve always liked you, I want to be like you. I haven’t thought about much more than that, I’m afraid!”
“I’ll ask you again.” Shi Ye was running out of patience. “Do you like me or not? I’ll get annoyed if you keep on like this.”
“I…” Sheng Xia sounded confused. “I really like you. I said, I’ve always needed you, Teacher Shi Ye… Can you understand? It’s like in your life there’s a person who teaches you things you didn’t understand before, and you want to have the same radiance as him, you admire him, you strive because of him. I haven’t thought about that kind of relationship, I haven’t thought about that kind of relationship, I think it’s serious, right? And…”
“Then think about it now.” Shi Ye looked at him. “Now, do you like me or not? Don’t treat me as the aviator Shi Ye. Please, treat me as an ordinary person, someone who can’t sing, can’t play the guitar, someone who doesn’t have that damn radiance, just an ordinary man. Tell me, do you like me?”
Sheng Xia didn’t say anything.
Shi Ye smiled. “When I say ‘like’,” he leaned closer and pinched Sheng Xia’s face, “I mean the kind of liking that I want to take off your clothes, want to hug you, want to kiss you, want you. Is that clear? I’m not a good person. Did you misunderstand me, or did I misunderstand you?”
Sheng Xia was stunned by Shi Ye’s gaze. He didn’t react for a long time, his face alternating between red and white, as if the function of forming words and sentences in his brain had malfunctioned. He didn’t know what to say, he hadn’t thought about it, suddenly, it was this kind of feeling.
What is liking? Feng Min said ‘I like you’, the girl who came to the bar to listen to the songs said ‘I like you’, the fans said ‘I like you’. ‘I like you’, this context feels so gentle. Because you happen to please me, make me happy, so I like you, isn’t this a simple matter, a bit depreciated? It shouldn’t be like this, it should be more, more unique. This kind of liking can change, can wither, it may disappear in the next second, but I won’t.
I’ve always watched you, I’ve always needed you. Even if you can’t sing anymore, can’t play the guitar anymore, even if you’re old, you won’t change, you won’t age, you won’t fade away in my eyes.
Is this love? Is this you?
Sheng Xia felt his eyes moistening. He clenched the bedsheet behind him, finally realizing something in Shi Ye’s expression. That feeling had just emerged, fresh, with a moist smell, so strange that he felt scared, but it also subverted his perception of the world.
Shi Ye’s face looked extremely unpleasant.
He remained calm for a long time, but the alcohol was stimulating his emotions. The more he spoke, the more harsh his words became. “Since you find this situation embarrassing, why didn’t you think about all this when you brought me home? When you hugged me, when you said those things, didn’t you think about this? Now I want you to think about it. You’re acting like you’re forced and can’t wait to die, who are you trying to show your grievances to?”
Sheng Xia’s hands were behind him, gripping the flesh inside his palms tightly. It felt like there was a mountain pressing down on him, squeezing him to death, heavy and nowhere to escape. He was squeezed so tightly that all the emotions in his body were squeezed out, leaving him completely empty.
“Teacher Shi Ye, can we talk properly? Please don’t be angry.” Sheng Xia’s words sounded more like he was talking to himself, don’t be angry with me, “Why do you like me? I’ve watched you for so many years, I dare not even say I like you. That kind of liking, now that you’re telling me these things, I find it hard to believe in. This is not a simple matter, are we… too casual?”
“Casual? Then how do you want to take it seriously?” Shi Ye sneered, “Should I jump out of this window? Or should I buy a ring, shout it out on the street, and rush to announce it? How do you want to prove it? Two men, do you dare to let me prove it?”
Sheng Xia found that they couldn’t communicate now. His face was stiff. “That’s not what I meant.”
Shi Ye was still furious. “Then tell me what you meant.”
What else can I think? You don’t even give me a chance to buffer, you just keep saying you like me with a straight face. What about later, what about the future, what will you do? What about the practical issues, what about Zhao Wu who might be listening to all of this at the door? Do you not care?
Sheng Xia forced himself to consider the current situation, amidst this tangled mess.
“At least, shouldn’t we be on equal footing?” Sheng Xia sounded tired. “I have nothing. Teacher Shi Ye, I don’t know how to explain it to you. I think you should at least…”
Shi Ye heard him rambling on and on, never getting to the point. He had accumulated millions of volts of impatience in his heart. “Stop talking shit to me. Don’t even think about those things. What you need to answer now is, how do you feel about me?”
Sheng Xia wanted to nod instinctively and say he liked him, but that window made him hesitate.
He said, “I don’t know.”
Shi Ye’s face finally completely cooled down. He abandoned his impatience and persistence, stopped the incessant questioning, and said with a settled tone:
“If you don’t like me, there’s no need to torture yourself, do so many unnecessary things. If you’re unwilling, I’ll leave tomorrow. Why are you crying?”
Why am I crying? Did I cry?
Sheng Xia watched Shi Ye leave.
Both reason and emotion seemed to tell him to go after him, so he immediately got out of bed and went to grab Shi Ye’s clothes.
Shi Ye ignored him, forcefully pushing away his hand and leaving the room. Sheng Xia followed him out, barefoot and anxious. Zhao Wu wasn’t outside the door, had he misjudged?
They walked out onto the street.
No one spoke. Sheng Xia didn’t know what to say, he just felt instinctively that following was necessary, as if everything would be lost if Shi Ye left.
Shi Ye was still drunk, his whole body filled with anger. When they reached a secluded place, he finally couldn’t help but turn around and shout, “What are you… where are your shoes?!”
Sheng Xia was stunned by the shout, subconsciously saying, “I… I don’t know.”
“You don’t know, you don’t know anything.” Shi Ye was frustrated, “Don’t embarrass me, go back.”
“Teacher Shi Ye…”
“Don’t call me teacher.” Shi Ye felt like he was losing his temper, it was ridiculous, “I was just passing by here. I’ll pretend none of this ever happened, just leave. I apologize to you, I was wrong, okay? Are you satisfied?”
“I really…” Sheng Xia was a bit incoherent, “I haven’t figured it out yet, and I don’t have anything, I…”
“I know, you want to be like me, want to be famous, want to sing, want to be popular,” Shi Ye spoke faster and faster, “I know, I know it all, stop talking. I’ve met too many like you, it’s really boring. Stop playing with me, I admit defeat, okay? Are you satisfied?”
Boring. Shi Ye had said Sheng Xia was dumb, but the one who was actually dumb was him. He told himself not to exaggerate this mistake, not to exaggerate this feeling, anyway, everything was like this, the people and things you thought would never leave you for a lifetime, aren’t they leaving you now? Don’t be naive, be like an adult, like a rational man. Some leave with dignity and gentleness, some leave looking ugly, you should at least be the one who leaves with a dignified posture.
Isn’t that how relationships are? It’s nothing special. No, this so-called relationship was just a joke that happened in the summer.
You can control your own life, but not love. Love requires the other person to like you too, to say “I do.”
In the end, Shi Ye shook his head, took a step forward, and said again, “Don’t follow me.”
Sheng Xia just stood there, watching Shi Ye’s figure walk away, disappearing from sight.
