Chapter 52:
In a dark place
Ferenc:
When I wake, Robin is still holding me. I feel a wetness on my face. His shirt is wet. Huh, was I really so weak last night, that I cried myself to sleep in his arms? Won’t be the first time I have done it. Still, back then, we were together. The best of friends, soulmates in all the ways it mattered. And now?
I was the one who ruined it all.
“Are you feeling better?” There is no pity in Robin’s voice. He sounds just like he used to, when he was my pillar of support.
No.
“Yes,” I say instead. He scrunches his nose up at me.
“Your right eye still twitches when you lie. I guess, I can take comfort in the fact that some things remain the same,” he says. I sigh at that. Many times, I have tried to break myself out of this thick. Still, to no success.
“You got me, I am not fine,” I tell him. I can’t help myself. I have to take in his scent. Sandalwood hits my nose, with something musky underneath that brings me back to many snuggling sessions like this one. Happy memories of the past.
Lost and gone. All my fault, no doubt about that.
“Last night, when you...” he seems to be battling with himself, trying to find the right words. I don’t blame him. I have an explosive temper, and people know to steer clear of me. “Were you going to... rape me?”
I blink at that.
“Is that what it looked like?” I ask him. He nods. “No, I was just going to kiss you for a while. Get the message across, that I wanted your forgiveness.”
He chuckles at that. His hands move, and the next thing he does, is to get my fringe out of my eyes.
“You have a funny way of giving me hints. I was scared, Fer,” Robin says. I move my face closer to his, until our noses press.
“I am not perfect,” I begin. I never admitted my flaws to him, before. I just let him discover them, one by one. Now, I see that this was unfair. “I have a temper, am too dependent on my twin, aren’t good with apologies.”
“I wrote you,” Robin says, and I wince. “So many letters. Of big things, of small things, pleas for you to forgive me my mistake.”
“I burned them all,” I admit. There is no reason to lie. What if he tries to ask me where the letters are? No, better to come clean.
“You did? Did you read them, beforehand?” He asks me.
“I did. Each one. But I was so angry,” when he lowers his gaze, I cup his face, and make him look into my eyes. They are not the black ones, that tell of my anger. Rather, they are my grass-green ones. Lacking the mana to turn them into Frederik’s moss green ones. A little something, that I hope Robin would pick out. “Mostly at myself, though.”
“You just cut me out of your life,” Robin begins. I can see that this has been like a heavy weight on his chest for the last 200 years because his eyes turn just a little bit misty. “Like our 100 years of being together meant nothing.”
That night flashes into my memory. It was a rainy one. Of course, everything shitty happened to me on rainy nights. I had known, back then, that I was not in the mood for parties. One of the murderers I caught earlier that week managed to do a runner before he got a chip in his brain. Three other people ended up dead because of that.
It didn’t matter that I shot the nut in the head, when he was about to kill Frederik. All that mattered was, that people died, and my efforts were for nothing.
Yet, a friend I don’t even remember the face of, had a birthday. I couldn’t say no. So, my snapped temper and I went to the party, and my brother and my boyfriend ended up snogging after one too many drinks and I...
But that is no excuse, is it?
“I know,” I tell Robin.
“You didn’t even let me understand what led to you losing your shit! You just...” he lets out a haggard breath, and I just nod. My expression, that of a dead man.
“I know,” I repeat myself.
“I haven’t been the same, since we broke up,” Robin tells me, and I have to do my best, to not let my hope show on my face. “I just felt unworthy. Of love, of friendship. Work and Ray were the only things left in my life, after you walked out of it.”
“I am sorry,” I tell him. This is it. He is going to tell me that we are over, for good, and that I should leave him alone.
“If you want back into my life,” he says, and my eyes widen at that. “Then you have to show me that you can change. That you can be your own person, that you can deal with the shit in your life better.”
“It is hard,” I say. He takes a hold of my shoulders, and gives me a gentle shake.
“I don’t want to be the lover to Frederik’s twin, the anger management case,” Robin says, and I lower my eyes. Yeah, well, this is me, all right. “I want to be together with Ferenc! A dark elf who has a gentle side, behind all that temper. One that has seen almost all of his cases through. Prove to me that you can pull your shit together, while caring for the safety of our charges. Prove to me that you are the man I know you are deep down.”
I bite my lip, and don’t answer for a while. Then, I whisper:
“Will you be there for every step of the way?” I ask him.
“Must you even ask?” Robin says, and the ghost of a smile blossoms on his lips. I close the distance between us, and stop, when our lips brush. I stare into his eyes, until he closes his, and locks our lips together.
Chapter 52:
In a dark place
Ferenc:
When I wake, Robin is still holding me. I feel a wetness on my face. His shirt is wet. Huh, was I really so weak last night, that I cried myself to sleep in his arms? Won’t be the first time I have done it. Still, back then, we were together. The best of friends, soulmates in all the ways it mattered. And now?
I was the one who ruined it all.
“Are you feeling better?” There is no pity in Robin’s voice. He sounds just like he used to, when he was my pillar of support.
No.
“Yes,” I say instead. He scrunches his nose up at me.
“Your right eye still twitches when you lie. I guess, I can take comfort in the fact that some things remain the same,” he says. I sigh at that. Many times, I have tried to break myself out of this thick. Still, to no success.
“You got me, I am not fine,” I tell him. I can’t help myself. I have to take in his scent. Sandalwood hits my nose, with something musky underneath that brings me back to many snuggling sessions like this one. Happy memories of the past.
Lost and gone. All my fault, no doubt about that.
“Last night, when you...” he seems to be battling with himself, trying to find the right words. I don’t blame him. I have an explosive temper, and people know to steer clear of me. “Were you going to... rape me?”
I blink at that.
“Is that what it looked like?” I ask him. He nods. “No, I was just going to kiss you for a while. Get the message across, that I wanted your forgiveness.”
He chuckles at that. His hands move, and the next thing he does, is to get my fringe out of my eyes.
“You have a funny way of giving me hints. I was scared, Fer,” Robin says. I move my face closer to his, until our noses press.
“I am not perfect,” I begin. I never admitted my flaws to him, before. I just let him discover them, one by one. Now, I see that this was unfair. “I have a temper, am too dependent on my twin, aren’t good with apologies.”
“I wrote you,” Robin says, and I wince. “So many letters. Of big things, of small things, pleas for you to forgive me my mistake.”
“I burned them all,” I admit. There is no reason to lie. What if he tries to ask me where the letters are? No, better to come clean.
“You did? Did you read them, beforehand?” He asks me.
“I did. Each one. But I was so angry,” when he lowers his gaze, I cup his face, and make him look into my eyes. They are not the black ones, that tell of my anger. Rather, they are my grass-green ones. Lacking the mana to turn them into Frederik’s moss green ones. A little something, that I hope Robin would pick out. “Mostly at myself, though.”
“You just cut me out of your life,” Robin begins. I can see that this has been like a heavy weight on his chest for the last 200 years because his eyes turn just a little bit misty. “Like our 100 years of being together meant nothing.”
That night flashes into my memory. It was a rainy one. Of course, everything shitty happened to me on rainy nights. I had known, back then, that I was not in the mood for parties. One of the murderers I caught earlier that week managed to do a runner before he got a chip in his brain. Three other people ended up dead because of that.
It didn’t matter that I shot the nut in the head, when he was about to kill Frederik. All that mattered was, that people died, and my efforts were for nothing.
Yet, a friend I don’t even remember the face of, had a birthday. I couldn’t say no. So, my snapped temper and I went to the party, and my brother and my boyfriend ended up snogging after one too many drinks and I...
But that is no excuse, is it?
“I know,” I tell Robin.
“You didn’t even let me understand what led to you losing your shit! You just...” he lets out a haggard breath, and I just nod. My expression, that of a dead man.
“I know,” I repeat myself.
“I haven’t been the same, since we broke up,” Robin tells me, and I have to do my best, to not let my hope show on my face. “I just felt unworthy. Of love, of friendship. Work and Ray were the only things left in my life, after you walked out of it.”
“I am sorry,” I tell him. This is it. He is going to tell me that we are over, for good, and that I should leave him alone.
“If you want back into my life,” he says, and my eyes widen at that. “Then you have to show me that you can change. That you can be your own person, that you can deal with the shit in your life better.”
“It is hard,” I say. He takes a hold of my shoulders, and gives me a gentle shake.
“I don’t want to be the lover to Frederik’s twin, the anger management case,” Robin says, and I lower my eyes. Yeah, well, this is me, all right. “I want to be together with Ferenc! A dark elf who has a gentle side, behind all that temper. One that has seen almost all of his cases through. Prove to me that you can pull your shit together, while caring for the safety of our charges. Prove to me that you are the man I know you are deep down.”
I bite my lip, and don’t answer for a while. Then, I whisper:
“Will you be there for every step of the way?” I ask him.
“Must you even ask?” Robin says, and the ghost of a smile blossoms on his lips. I close the distance between us, and stop, when our lips brush. I stare into his eyes, until he closes his, and locks our lips together.
