“Haha!!”, Renjo laughed with arms over Baudon and Clarius’ shoulders, “You should have seen the look on that shitty man’s face! I thought he’d crapped his pants when the army came marching through the portals!!”
It had been a few hours since we left the main banquet hall, and struck up our conversation in the Castle’s Study. Having brought an array of food and alcohol for the noblemen to sample, things quickly got out of hand as more and more nobles came to join in. Going through all the samples I had brought, I ended up dipping into my personal reserve to keep things going. Thankfully though just as my patience was about to run out with the drunkards, wives started coming to collect their husbands.
“I don’t doubt it, that slimy prick had it coming!”, Baudon admitted finishing his Gin, “You did well getting rid of that corrupt organization, the Pope and all of the Clergy had it coming for a while.”
“Yeah I did…”, I replied sarcastically, ‘Can we please move to a different topic!? We have been going round and round on this topic like a broken record. If this is how you are drunk, I may need to consider restrictions on alcohol exports. I don’t want your wives filing complaints because of you!’
Stowing the emptied bottles and kegs in my storage, I planned on getting them refilled in a few days during my usual rounds in the Special Region. Just as Renjo was about to start going down the same rabbit hole again with the other two noblemen, their wives finally came to get them.
“Alright you three, we have taken up enough of the Archduke’s time this evening. Let’s get home and off to bed, we have piles of work waiting for you in the morning.”, one of the women reminded them.
“Ugh…can we do this once a month?”, Baudon inquired of me, “I enjoy being able to forget about my title, and just relax like this.”
“Of course, I have a special facility set up for such gatherings. Where I am from we refer to it as a Man Cave, and I have one in the recently completed castle in my capital. Next month we can do this there while savoring many of the local cuisines.”, I assured him, “Not only that, we have games and sports to play there too.”
“Splendid…that sounds like a great idea to me.”, Baudon said with a hiccup, “I haven’t had this much fun since I left the military!”
Shakily rising to their feet, the three of them bid me goodnight before stumbling towards the door. Helping the drunkards out of the room, their wives and I exchanged a respectful nod before they headed for the exit. Letting out a sigh of relief once the door was shut, I really didn’t miss this aspect of being a nobleman. Instead of doing recreational activities to pass the time, the men took the opportunity to voice their issues to me sort of making me their therapist. It was a crappy way to spend an evening, but ultimately this would help them in the long run.
Snapping my fingers to clean up the rest of the mess, I left the room just as it had been when we arrived. Locking the door behind me, I promptly returned to the banquet hall hoping to find the Heroes still here and in one piece. Walking into the hall that hope was quickly destroyed as they were nowhere to be seen. The only ones left were my female group and a few stragglers.
“Son of a bitch…please tell me they didn’t leave with a group of women…”, I groaned in an annoyed tone.
“Motoyusa and Itsuka left with several young women and their party…I don’t think we will see them for a few days. Naofumi and Ren though managed to stay almost the entire time, they are spending the night at a noblemen’s residence so they can tour the city tomorrow. Both of them intend to find strong party members to add to their teams during their brief stay here.”, Melty stated with an exhausted look, “I am worried the Heroes will end up abandoning Melromarc for another nation.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”, I assured her, “Those knuckleheads will need a safe place to raise their families. It’s up to the Crown to convince them that Melromarc is that safe place. If they have a family and make memories there, they will be much more likely to aid you when you're in trouble.”
“That makes sense, we will need to put some serious effort into making that happen.”, Melty said crossing her arms as she started thinking, “By the way, is it normal for you to sneak off in the middle of such an important event? I mean, you left me alone to handle diplomatic talks…”
“That is how Cole works, he will usually break out alcohol and snacks to grease the negotiation wheels.”, Venom laughed with a grin, “Once the nobles are tipsy, their filters usually disappear allowing them to hammer through political talks quickly. He’s used this method many times to break down even the most stubborn of nobles.”
“Unfortunately sometimes it does come at a price though…”, Leona sighed looking at the stragglers, “Since Cole has a refined taste in women, the noblemen will sometimes send their unwed elder sisters and relatives to meet with him.”
Looking back at the stragglers, it was easy to tell whose relatives they were. Walking over to us gracefully, I had to agree with Leona that they were definitely my type. They were well-endowed, mature women who were in a whole other league than the ones the Heroes were surrounded by early. Any man with a lick of sense would know these were the hidden gems of the nobility.
“I wanted to thank you for taking care of my brother this evening. It isn’t often that he gets to relax anymore, the Council looks to him for advice on many things so he rarely gets a chance to unwind.”, a White Tigeress said bowing her head.
“Yes, it was nice to see them smile for the first time in a while.”, a purple-colored Dragonewt added, “Clarius has been buried in paperwork for weeks, he hasn’t been able to see his family either. Tonight was the first time he’s been able to sleep in his own bed again in over a month.”
“I am glad to hear that they had fun, it was a rather exciting evening listening to their war stories.”, I replied trying not to laugh, “Now I am rather certain the five of you didn’t stay back to simply thank me. Did your siblings and relatives put you ladies up to this?
“Well…”, they said looking at one another.
Admitting that they had, the five said that they were well past their prime and had missed their opportunity for marriage years ago. They had already accepted growing old without a partner, but then tonight they were told I preferred women their age. Telling me that they would be honored to join my harem, they assured me they could still sir healthy children for several more years yet.
‘I told those meatheads I wasn’t looking to expand my harem. We already have a good balance in the household, and my wives are more than capable of meeting my sex drive.’, I thought hiding my annoyed expression, “As I informed your relatives earlier tonight, I am unfortunately not looking to expand my harem. I am at the point now where I want to enjoy being with the women I have in my life already.”
“That is understandable, they are quite beautiful and kind.”, the White Tigeress woman admitted, “Thank you for being honest with us, it means more than you realize.”
Watching them walk away with disappointment, I felt a bit bad for crushing their hope. Thinking of a way to help them out without bringing them into my family, an idea popped into my head.
“While I may not be interested in a relationship, I do know several excellent single men around your age that might be interested.”, I spoke up as I looked for their photos on my phone, “All of them have expressed interest in starting their own families to me. While I can’t guarantee that you will end up marrying them, I can arrange a meeting with them so you can talk.”
Turning around immediately, the five women examined the photos on my phone. Nodding their heads with approval, they liked what they saw and asked if I could arrange it. Promising to contact them via their relatives in a few days, the women left in high spirits already discussing how to get the men in bed. Once they were out of earshot, Mirko started laughing uncontrollably at me.
“Playing Cupid for Nezu and the other staff members?”, Mirko laughed as she wiped a tear from her eye, “Poor Nezu and Aizawa are going to die by Snu Snu at their hands. I can already see the headlines!”
“I am just trying to help my friends out.”, I chuckled.
“So, just wondering, did you like our dresses?”, Shino asked me, “We spent hours picking them out, and getting them resized for us.”
“I didn’t like them, I loved them.”, I replied with a naughty grin, “In fact, I liked them so much that tonight Kota and Eri might get new siblings. How does that sound?”
Turning bright red Shino grabbed Ryuko and Tomoko by the hand and bolted through a portal I just opened. Following them Fuyumi called me an idiot for saying that in front of a child. Remembering that Melty was there with us still, I looked down to see the poor girl frozen up in shock.
“I forgot you were standing there, I apologize.”, I remarked apologetically.
“It’s…it’s okay..!”, Melty stuttered, “I…I am an…an adult!! M…making offspring is…is normal!!”
“You aren’t fooling anybody.”, Sapphire teased her.
Lowering her head, Melty stormed off through the portal insisting that she was an adult. Shaking my head after her with a smile, I found it cute that she was trying to pretend to be an adult even though she was only ten. Following them, I chased after my three lovers who had fled to the bathroom. Slipping in with them, they received a stern punishment for trying to hide from me.
“Haha!!”, Renjo laughed with arms over Baudon and Clarius’ shoulders, “You should have seen the look on that shitty man’s face! I thought he’d crapped his pants when the army came marching through the portals!!”
It had been a few hours since we left the main banquet hall, and struck up our conversation in the Castle’s Study. Having brought an array of food and alcohol for the noblemen to sample, things quickly got out of hand as more and more nobles came to join in. Going through all the samples I had brought, I ended up dipping into my personal reserve to keep things going. Thankfully though just as my patience was about to run out with the drunkards, wives started coming to collect their husbands.
“I don’t doubt it, that slimy prick had it coming!”, Baudon admitted finishing his Gin, “You did well getting rid of that corrupt organization, the Pope and all of the Clergy had it coming for a while.”
“Yeah I did…”, I replied sarcastically, ‘Can we please move to a different topic!? We have been going round and round on this topic like a broken record. If this is how you are drunk, I may need to consider restrictions on alcohol exports. I don’t want your wives filing complaints because of you!’
Stowing the emptied bottles and kegs in my storage, I planned on getting them refilled in a few days during my usual rounds in the Special Region. Just as Renjo was about to start going down the same rabbit hole again with the other two noblemen, their wives finally came to get them.
“Alright you three, we have taken up enough of the Archduke’s time this evening. Let’s get home and off to bed, we have piles of work waiting for you in the morning.”, one of the women reminded them.
“Ugh…can we do this once a month?”, Baudon inquired of me, “I enjoy being able to forget about my title, and just relax like this.”
“Of course, I have a special facility set up for such gatherings. Where I am from we refer to it as a Man Cave, and I have one in the recently completed castle in my capital. Next month we can do this there while savoring many of the local cuisines.”, I assured him, “Not only that, we have games and sports to play there too.”
“Splendid…that sounds like a great idea to me.”, Baudon said with a hiccup, “I haven’t had this much fun since I left the military!”
Shakily rising to their feet, the three of them bid me goodnight before stumbling towards the door. Helping the drunkards out of the room, their wives and I exchanged a respectful nod before they headed for the exit. Letting out a sigh of relief once the door was shut, I really didn’t miss this aspect of being a nobleman. Instead of doing recreational activities to pass the time, the men took the opportunity to voice their issues to me sort of making me their therapist. It was a crappy way to spend an evening, but ultimately this would help them in the long run.
Snapping my fingers to clean up the rest of the mess, I left the room just as it had been when we arrived. Locking the door behind me, I promptly returned to the banquet hall hoping to find the Heroes still here and in one piece. Walking into the hall that hope was quickly destroyed as they were nowhere to be seen. The only ones left were my female group and a few stragglers.
“Son of a bitch…please tell me they didn’t leave with a group of women…”, I groaned in an annoyed tone.
“Motoyusa and Itsuka left with several young women and their party…I don’t think we will see them for a few days. Naofumi and Ren though managed to stay almost the entire time, they are spending the night at a noblemen’s residence so they can tour the city tomorrow. Both of them intend to find strong party members to add to their teams during their brief stay here.”, Melty stated with an exhausted look, “I am worried the Heroes will end up abandoning Melromarc for another nation.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”, I assured her, “Those knuckleheads will need a safe place to raise their families. It’s up to the Crown to convince them that Melromarc is that safe place. If they have a family and make memories there, they will be much more likely to aid you when you're in trouble.”
“That makes sense, we will need to put some serious effort into making that happen.”, Melty said crossing her arms as she started thinking, “By the way, is it normal for you to sneak off in the middle of such an important event? I mean, you left me alone to handle diplomatic talks…”
“That is how Cole works, he will usually break out alcohol and snacks to grease the negotiation wheels.”, Venom laughed with a grin, “Once the nobles are tipsy, their filters usually disappear allowing them to hammer through political talks quickly. He’s used this method many times to break down even the most stubborn of nobles.”
“Unfortunately sometimes it does come at a price though…”, Leona sighed looking at the stragglers, “Since Cole has a refined taste in women, the noblemen will sometimes send their unwed elder sisters and relatives to meet with him.”
Looking back at the stragglers, it was easy to tell whose relatives they were. Walking over to us gracefully, I had to agree with Leona that they were definitely my type. They were well-endowed, mature women who were in a whole other league than the ones the Heroes were surrounded by early. Any man with a lick of sense would know these were the hidden gems of the nobility.
“I wanted to thank you for taking care of my brother this evening. It isn’t often that he gets to relax anymore, the Council looks to him for advice on many things so he rarely gets a chance to unwind.”, a White Tigeress said bowing her head.
“Yes, it was nice to see them smile for the first time in a while.”, a purple-colored Dragonewt added, “Clarius has been buried in paperwork for weeks, he hasn’t been able to see his family either. Tonight was the first time he’s been able to sleep in his own bed again in over a month.”
“I am glad to hear that they had fun, it was a rather exciting evening listening to their war stories.”, I replied trying not to laugh, “Now I am rather certain the five of you didn’t stay back to simply thank me. Did your siblings and relatives put you ladies up to this?
“Well…”, they said looking at one another.
Admitting that they had, the five said that they were well past their prime and had missed their opportunity for marriage years ago. They had already accepted growing old without a partner, but then tonight they were told I preferred women their age. Telling me that they would be honored to join my harem, they assured me they could still sir healthy children for several more years yet.
‘I told those meatheads I wasn’t looking to expand my harem. We already have a good balance in the household, and my wives are more than capable of meeting my sex drive.’, I thought hiding my annoyed expression, “As I informed your relatives earlier tonight, I am unfortunately not looking to expand my harem. I am at the point now where I want to enjoy being with the women I have in my life already.”
“That is understandable, they are quite beautiful and kind.”, the White Tigeress woman admitted, “Thank you for being honest with us, it means more than you realize.”
Watching them walk away with disappointment, I felt a bit bad for crushing their hope. Thinking of a way to help them out without bringing them into my family, an idea popped into my head.
“While I may not be interested in a relationship, I do know several excellent single men around your age that might be interested.”, I spoke up as I looked for their photos on my phone, “All of them have expressed interest in starting their own families to me. While I can’t guarantee that you will end up marrying them, I can arrange a meeting with them so you can talk.”
Turning around immediately, the five women examined the photos on my phone. Nodding their heads with approval, they liked what they saw and asked if I could arrange it. Promising to contact them via their relatives in a few days, the women left in high spirits already discussing how to get the men in bed. Once they were out of earshot, Mirko started laughing uncontrollably at me.
“Playing Cupid for Nezu and the other staff members?”, Mirko laughed as she wiped a tear from her eye, “Poor Nezu and Aizawa are going to die by Snu Snu at their hands. I can already see the headlines!”
“I am just trying to help my friends out.”, I chuckled.
“So, just wondering, did you like our dresses?”, Shino asked me, “We spent hours picking them out, and getting them resized for us.”
“I didn’t like them, I loved them.”, I replied with a naughty grin, “In fact, I liked them so much that tonight Kota and Eri might get new siblings. How does that sound?”
Turning bright red Shino grabbed Ryuko and Tomoko by the hand and bolted through a portal I just opened. Following them Fuyumi called me an idiot for saying that in front of a child. Remembering that Melty was there with us still, I looked down to see the poor girl frozen up in shock.
“I forgot you were standing there, I apologize.”, I remarked apologetically.
“It’s…it’s okay..!”, Melty stuttered, “I…I am an…an adult!! M…making offspring is…is normal!!”
“You aren’t fooling anybody.”, Sapphire teased her.
Lowering her head, Melty stormed off through the portal insisting that she was an adult. Shaking my head after her with a smile, I found it cute that she was trying to pretend to be an adult even though she was only ten. Following them, I chased after my three lovers who had fled to the bathroom. Slipping in with them, they received a stern punishment for trying to hide from me.
