I'm shocked into silence as the ‘movie’ opens with a bunch of tanned and oiled muscle beach types with overstuffed banana hammocks playing volleyball on a beach, their muscles rippling under their skin and… why is my body responding to this?
Patricia? “No, I’m not making any changes to your brain or soul. I CAN'T. Your mutant soul ate me.”
Okay, so what then… I think for a bit, ignoring the show, which quickly progresses to the removal of flimsy fabrics for flimsier reasons as my twin floatation devices bob up and down in the water. What then would cause me to suddenly find guys attractive?
“It's hardly sudden. It's been building for a while. This just made you notice. I've been enjoying your occasional glance at hot guys.” Thanks Patricia. Still. And… yep these guys like each other. A LOT.
Hmm. What makes girls like guys? Puberty. Patricia, do I have ovaries now? And apparently the guys in the movie are quite vocal.
“Yes, you've had them since your death. They were pretty small then, but have grown with every level up and spell you wear, right along with your chest... just not as quickly,” Patricia confirms, “Why do you ask?” As a few guys in the movie blow their baby batter tanks on each other's faces.
And yes, I'm absolutely ignoring the show, and not at all thinking about what it would be like to have those salty showers in my baby bakery.
So I have been getting progressively more estrogen running through whatever passes for my blood since then. Could that be the cause?
“I don't know anything about medicine that you don't. Umm… your mind says probably?” That's… hmm. Thanks for trying, I guess.
But this ia getting a bit too… “Stephanie, cancel playback. Please pipe the listings of our new entertainment archives to my com.”
“Yes Mistress,” she acknowledges, as I hear a chine from my com and the movie stops.
I start browsing the titles near where we are: “Meat Mountains", "Meat Mountains 2: Uncut", "Meat Mountains 3: Gleesome", "Meat Mountains 4: Bigger, Longer, Harder”, “Meat Mountains 5: Mountain Climbing”, “Meat Mountains 69: Enough Said”, “Meat Mountains 7: Blowing Peaks”... aha. I zip up a bit, “Boys Toying”... also a series… and down, “Steel Buns”... oh, the follow ups make it clear it's NOT an exercise movie. Going further… “Uncle's Cave,” “Wild Woody’s Wonder”... ugh. All the titles are like that.
My thoughts are interrupted by Stephanie, “Plotting complete. Initiating Drift Engine.”
Great. So I can't download a better selection. I can at least ask, “Stephanie, is there anything in here that's NOT about big beefy men engaging in adult activities with each other?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Stephanie starts, “The Stephan Knee's series stars a short guy who is quite skinny, and good with his mouth. We made sure to get some variety.”
Not what I meant, “What about documentaries?”
“We have you covered,” good, “History of the Limp Wrist: Undercover Identification Methods During Persecution,” nevermind.
Maybe… “What about comedies?”
Stephanie seems delighted, “Making Babies: Trying Hard has plenty!”
Okay, so… “Right. Do we have anything involving people who don't take their clothes off?”
“Wet Willies: Costumes Galore is most of the way there.” No. Just… no.
“Got anything that features a female lead?” I doubt it, but… hope springs eternal.
Stephanie pauses, “No. I mean, between Euler and Cowbird… why would you need any?”
Because sometimes I want to forget that I'm effectively a slave master, at least for a little while. Patricia, how complete is that side effect of yours?
“... I have no idea if that will work. But I am really curious to find out.” Thanks Patricia.
“Of course. Speaking of Cowbird, please patch me through to her,” worst likely case scenario is that we waste a few UPB's.
“Connected,” my ship complies.
“Cowbird, copy the entertainment archives onto a secure data module and bring it to the door of my quarters.” Orders for her, of course. Cowbird doesn't really want “Please” or “Thank you.”
“Yes Mistress,” she pipes back.
I finish washing, dry off, get dressed, take some time to review my checklist for taking care of Stephanie on my com, and when I figure I've let Cowbird wait long enough for it to seem like I don't value her time, I open the door, grab the data module, use Telekinesis to toss it from one hand to the other a few times, watching it turn pink and grow decorations, toss it back and forth several more times the same way, then hand it back to Cowbird, “Now go plug it in where Stephanie can access it and it won't cause problems.”
“Yes Mistress,” she hastens to comply.
As she runs off, I talk to Stephanie, “Please let me know what's on it when she plugs it back in.”
“What did you do?” Stephanie sounds curious.
And there’s no real reason to hide it from her - she already knows about the side effect first hand, after all, “An experiment. Applying the side effect of my symbiote to see if it will change digital media.”
“Huh.” Stephanie pauses, “Well, she has the disk in. Titles are the same… checksums are different, though.”
I nod as I walk into my cabin, “Great! Please pull up the new copy of Meat Mountains 12, I want to see how much it changed.”
I watch: It's still a bunch of very muscular people, in speedos, on a beach, playing volleyball… but now they're outrageously proportioned women doing essentially the same stuff… with ‘minor’ modification to recognize biological differences; so they're eating each other out instead of sucking each other off, as an example. Amusingly, the lines don't change, although the voices do. Still, it's no less ridiculous than most adult entertainment.
I'm still going to want something intellectually stimulating at some point, but this works for now.
I settle into another shipboard routine, checking on the baby, checking Stephanie over in detail, making sure my summons are working hard, pounding Euler with the strap-on (I'm not ready for her to wear it… and she doesn't seem to want to do so), finding ways to belittle and torture Cowbird (which sometimes involves the strap-on), washing up, and watching my ‘modified’ adult movies.
Yes, I'm living the good life.
The summons do the bulk of the work of running the ship… not that there's much, so most of the time I have them making UPB's in the industry: Between ten ranks from Enable Function with my caster level, Karmic Blessing to grant them class skills, Enable Function to grant them skill focus, and Greater Heroism to give them a nice Moral bonus… they're rolling with a twenty three point bonus… before their stat modifiers (which I also boost). Trumpet Archons for wisdom-based tasks, Astral Devas for Intelligence or Charisma based tasks, and Elder Air Elementals for Dexterity based tasks… but I load all the summons I use up with all the skills, just to be safe, and also Polymorph them into human-size and add the Opportunity spell. At this point, I'm mostly just toying with their builds to see how good my crew will be when I need twenty of them to actually run the ship (and of course, I’ll make more than that to cover combat casualties).
And they'll all be highly competent gunners, engineers, magic officers, and pilots, so all filling officer slots… which will be some kind of fun.
Stephanie gives birth during the survey mission; we end up needing to give her a cesarean and open up her outer hull, as the little tyke's wings don't bend. But there’s no rush: It's not like there's a mind in the shell to panic and fire those weapons it's bristling with, nor any worries about blood loss or air flow. So we take our time, cut carefully, save all the pieces, and patch her up carefully. When we’re done, you couldn't even tell where we cut.
Yes, “we” - I have some buffed up summoned creatures help out. Again: I'm testing what I can do with them for when we hit a point where we need a large crew… which will be shortly after this survey is complete. And when we’re all done, we have a nice little fighter, and this one actually has crew quarters… technically. A tiny room with a table, two hammocks, a machine that turns what comes out of the crew into tasteless but sanitary and nutritious mush (it can't even do bad coffee), a door to a tiny bathroom (with a shower, sink, and toilet), and a path inside the ship to the cockpit (although getting from cockpit to quarters and back takes some gymnastics). It also has shields, armor, tracking countermeasures, and a drift engine.
That last one is extra important, as with a birth light years away from civilization, we'd need some way to transport the golden egg… and being able to just fly her simplifies things.
Speaking of this trip: For the record, it takes eighteen days to get to the orange star, seven for the sensor drones to do their thing, fifteen days for the computer to chew through the data to analyze four gas giants, four rocky worlds - two of which have an oxygen atmosphere - two dwarf planets, and five overly large asteroids. A day at each doing scans from orbit to map minerals, and a good fifty five days all told traveling between planets: Space is big and empty, we were at it for almost four months. Getting back to Absalom Station took just one day.
The Starstone is such a hack; just sayin'.
But hey: When we get there, we have a brand new sparkling bioship fighter to trade, a plan for a new big spaceship to barter for as well, and money in the bank.
Oh, and bounty hunters waiting for us.
I'm shocked into silence as the ‘movie’ opens with a bunch of tanned and oiled muscle beach types with overstuffed banana hammocks playing volleyball on a beach, their muscles rippling under their skin and… why is my body responding to this?
Patricia? “No, I’m not making any changes to your brain or soul. I CAN'T. Your mutant soul ate me.”
Okay, so what then… I think for a bit, ignoring the show, which quickly progresses to the removal of flimsy fabrics for flimsier reasons as my twin floatation devices bob up and down in the water. What then would cause me to suddenly find guys attractive?
“It's hardly sudden. It's been building for a while. This just made you notice. I've been enjoying your occasional glance at hot guys.” Thanks Patricia. Still. And… yep these guys like each other. A LOT.
Hmm. What makes girls like guys? Puberty. Patricia, do I have ovaries now? And apparently the guys in the movie are quite vocal.
“Yes, you've had them since your death. They were pretty small then, but have grown with every level up and spell you wear, right along with your chest... just not as quickly,” Patricia confirms, “Why do you ask?” As a few guys in the movie blow their baby batter tanks on each other's faces.
And yes, I'm absolutely ignoring the show, and not at all thinking about what it would be like to have those salty showers in my baby bakery.
So I have been getting progressively more estrogen running through whatever passes for my blood since then. Could that be the cause?
“I don't know anything about medicine that you don't. Umm… your mind says probably?” That's… hmm. Thanks for trying, I guess.
But this ia getting a bit too… “Stephanie, cancel playback. Please pipe the listings of our new entertainment archives to my com.”
“Yes Mistress,” she acknowledges, as I hear a chine from my com and the movie stops.
I start browsing the titles near where we are: “Meat Mountains", "Meat Mountains 2: Uncut", "Meat Mountains 3: Gleesome", "Meat Mountains 4: Bigger, Longer, Harder”, “Meat Mountains 5: Mountain Climbing”, “Meat Mountains 69: Enough Said”, “Meat Mountains 7: Blowing Peaks”... aha. I zip up a bit, “Boys Toying”... also a series… and down, “Steel Buns”... oh, the follow ups make it clear it's NOT an exercise movie. Going further… “Uncle's Cave,” “Wild Woody’s Wonder”... ugh. All the titles are like that.
My thoughts are interrupted by Stephanie, “Plotting complete. Initiating Drift Engine.”
Great. So I can't download a better selection. I can at least ask, “Stephanie, is there anything in here that's NOT about big beefy men engaging in adult activities with each other?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Stephanie starts, “The Stephan Knee's series stars a short guy who is quite skinny, and good with his mouth. We made sure to get some variety.”
Not what I meant, “What about documentaries?”
“We have you covered,” good, “History of the Limp Wrist: Undercover Identification Methods During Persecution,” nevermind.
Maybe… “What about comedies?”
Stephanie seems delighted, “Making Babies: Trying Hard has plenty!”
Okay, so… “Right. Do we have anything involving people who don't take their clothes off?”
“Wet Willies: Costumes Galore is most of the way there.” No. Just… no.
“Got anything that features a female lead?” I doubt it, but… hope springs eternal.
Stephanie pauses, “No. I mean, between Euler and Cowbird… why would you need any?”
Because sometimes I want to forget that I'm effectively a slave master, at least for a little while. Patricia, how complete is that side effect of yours?
“... I have no idea if that will work. But I am really curious to find out.” Thanks Patricia.
“Of course. Speaking of Cowbird, please patch me through to her,” worst likely case scenario is that we waste a few UPB's.
“Connected,” my ship complies.
“Cowbird, copy the entertainment archives onto a secure data module and bring it to the door of my quarters.” Orders for her, of course. Cowbird doesn't really want “Please” or “Thank you.”
“Yes Mistress,” she pipes back.
I finish washing, dry off, get dressed, take some time to review my checklist for taking care of Stephanie on my com, and when I figure I've let Cowbird wait long enough for it to seem like I don't value her time, I open the door, grab the data module, use Telekinesis to toss it from one hand to the other a few times, watching it turn pink and grow decorations, toss it back and forth several more times the same way, then hand it back to Cowbird, “Now go plug it in where Stephanie can access it and it won't cause problems.”
“Yes Mistress,” she hastens to comply.
As she runs off, I talk to Stephanie, “Please let me know what's on it when she plugs it back in.”
“What did you do?” Stephanie sounds curious.
And there’s no real reason to hide it from her - she already knows about the side effect first hand, after all, “An experiment. Applying the side effect of my symbiote to see if it will change digital media.”
“Huh.” Stephanie pauses, “Well, she has the disk in. Titles are the same… checksums are different, though.”
I nod as I walk into my cabin, “Great! Please pull up the new copy of Meat Mountains 12, I want to see how much it changed.”
I watch: It's still a bunch of very muscular people, in speedos, on a beach, playing volleyball… but now they're outrageously proportioned women doing essentially the same stuff… with ‘minor’ modification to recognize biological differences; so they're eating each other out instead of sucking each other off, as an example. Amusingly, the lines don't change, although the voices do. Still, it's no less ridiculous than most adult entertainment.
I'm still going to want something intellectually stimulating at some point, but this works for now.
I settle into another shipboard routine, checking on the baby, checking Stephanie over in detail, making sure my summons are working hard, pounding Euler with the strap-on (I'm not ready for her to wear it… and she doesn't seem to want to do so), finding ways to belittle and torture Cowbird (which sometimes involves the strap-on), washing up, and watching my ‘modified’ adult movies.
Yes, I'm living the good life.
The summons do the bulk of the work of running the ship… not that there's much, so most of the time I have them making UPB's in the industry: Between ten ranks from Enable Function with my caster level, Karmic Blessing to grant them class skills, Enable Function to grant them skill focus, and Greater Heroism to give them a nice Moral bonus… they're rolling with a twenty three point bonus… before their stat modifiers (which I also boost). Trumpet Archons for wisdom-based tasks, Astral Devas for Intelligence or Charisma based tasks, and Elder Air Elementals for Dexterity based tasks… but I load all the summons I use up with all the skills, just to be safe, and also Polymorph them into human-size and add the Opportunity spell. At this point, I'm mostly just toying with their builds to see how good my crew will be when I need twenty of them to actually run the ship (and of course, I’ll make more than that to cover combat casualties).
And they'll all be highly competent gunners, engineers, magic officers, and pilots, so all filling officer slots… which will be some kind of fun.
Stephanie gives birth during the survey mission; we end up needing to give her a cesarean and open up her outer hull, as the little tyke's wings don't bend. But there’s no rush: It's not like there's a mind in the shell to panic and fire those weapons it's bristling with, nor any worries about blood loss or air flow. So we take our time, cut carefully, save all the pieces, and patch her up carefully. When we’re done, you couldn't even tell where we cut.
Yes, “we” - I have some buffed up summoned creatures help out. Again: I'm testing what I can do with them for when we hit a point where we need a large crew… which will be shortly after this survey is complete. And when we’re all done, we have a nice little fighter, and this one actually has crew quarters… technically. A tiny room with a table, two hammocks, a machine that turns what comes out of the crew into tasteless but sanitary and nutritious mush (it can't even do bad coffee), a door to a tiny bathroom (with a shower, sink, and toilet), and a path inside the ship to the cockpit (although getting from cockpit to quarters and back takes some gymnastics). It also has shields, armor, tracking countermeasures, and a drift engine.
That last one is extra important, as with a birth light years away from civilization, we'd need some way to transport the golden egg… and being able to just fly her simplifies things.
Speaking of this trip: For the record, it takes eighteen days to get to the orange star, seven for the sensor drones to do their thing, fifteen days for the computer to chew through the data to analyze four gas giants, four rocky worlds - two of which have an oxygen atmosphere - two dwarf planets, and five overly large asteroids. A day at each doing scans from orbit to map minerals, and a good fifty five days all told traveling between planets: Space is big and empty, we were at it for almost four months. Getting back to Absalom Station took just one day.
The Starstone is such a hack; just sayin'.
But hey: When we get there, we have a brand new sparkling bioship fighter to trade, a plan for a new big spaceship to barter for as well, and money in the bank.
Oh, and bounty hunters waiting for us.
