Two days passed since I and Mei Wu had our conversation. If I am being honest, I was truly shocked by the sheer rage she showed me, and it was also practically the first time I felt that angry at her.
I understood her point very well. I was basically 'breaking her world' due to how my actions were just so different to how she was used to be treated.
I mean, I understood how she was treated by the Xie clan, and how she loathed it, but I didn't realize that my behaviour would make her feel so mad she would rather want to be treated horribly just because it 'made more sense' in her mind.
Then again, she admitted that she might have not been this furious, and a lot more accepting of the change if it was gradual instead of it being thrown at her so suddenly and in such a short time, something I fully agree with. Time can really help one acclimate to harsh and good situations alike, at least if they wanted to acclimate.
Another surprise I found out is that she can now fully understand japanese, or the 'beast language,' as this world probably knows it. Her attempt to fully understand me and have me understand her point, the mental breakdown that occured, along with everything in her heart practically increased her Qi sensing skill's level to a degree neither me or she had expected, and she became even more sensitive to the subtle changes of Qi as well, particularly me, since I was the biggest reason for that desire.
Naturally, she also became more attuned to the moods of the many bee beasts in the hive, along with the Queen Bee with a much higher precision, and much to her relief, with a much more tolerance to the overpowering nature of Qi around her.
She was now able to handle my presence when I am at least half-serious and focusing on her, with no real trouble, which was a huge improvement in her opinion. From easily almost fainting and throwing up due to Xie Li focusing his intent on her, to handling the pressure of a slightly serious Silver-ranked Level 3 beast.
Mei Wu even managed to grow in level from the equivalent to a Level 1 [Apprentice] to a level 2 [Braveman] by sheer spite and rage at what she identified as a mind-boggling and absurd behaviour from me.
Truly, a huge growth even for me to ignore.
Not only did she basically find a way to completely ignore the language barrier between me and her, turn her senses a lot sharper, but she also increased her power by practically triple of what she had before, or even slightly more! I'm honestly proud of her progress, even if her using sheer spite wasn't exactly what I preferred to be the cataclyst to that. Maybe a not-really deathmatch with an enemy of her level would have been more fitting?
Well, one can't complain about it now.
But, that still leaves the obvious fact that Mei Wu was still upset and frustrated about me, and the Queen Bee to a lesser extent, basically treating her so differently than she was used to, worried about the Xie clan as they would most definitely realize the disappearance of their young master, and she really needed some way to vent it all, and also a way to grow even stronger, and so did I for that matter.
And thus, our training arc began! Truly, something awe-inspiring with definitely no gaping problems at all!
Of course, I had to deal with two immediate problems, because Murphy just loves ruining my fun.
For one, since of course we couldn't train inside the Qieen Bee's domain, and we are still two nobody janitors -or so Mei Wu tried to convince me- we had to train outside. This wasn't honestly that big of a deal, but having these Protector Bees following us wasn't exactly as cool when they just kept to themselves, just flying there... menacingly! Don't they have anything to do other than watching us train? I mean, geez, it was fine when I did nothing more than just enjoying the air and sights, but watching me while I was training with Mei Wu felt like I was being stalked!
They were just there, something I could very well sense but honestly rather irritating when they didn't even change their moods, looking completely apathetic as I trained.
I mean, do something other than just watching us, or feel something more than boredom? That would help a lot to ease the tension their presence was making, in my opinion.
The other problem was, to put it bluntly... I didn't know how to teach. Now, don't get me wrong, fighting is all fine and simple to me thanks to my instincts, sapience and all that. Training one how to fight?
Yeah, I have no experience in that whatsoever. Thus, the best I could is to basically rip off how every shonen training arc goes, but slightly modified.
Kick my trainee, Mei Wu's butt, exhaust her, then pump her up with healing energy from either my nectars or from the healing skill I got from eating that healer plant-type beast, the Heasy flower.
At least it's a bit entertaining, just as I and she are doing right now.
"I know very well that your reasoning for this so-called training is sound," Mei Wu scowled, standing up as I healed her once more, "but I still hate you for it!"
She was currently wearing but her undergarments and her daggers, mostly because she'd rather not have her only outfit ripped beyond repair while in this area, depite not liking it one bit. Pragmatism at its finest.
I honestly have no problem with it. If I can't be bothered to cover my breasts, then some nudity is no big deal.
"Yes, I love you too, sweetie~!" I spoke in a sweet voice as another vine swung at her. It was only a half-serious swing, but I still eclipsed her by a large margin, and she barely raised her daggers to block it, being pushed back a couple of meters before she got back her bearings.
But a rather thick branch was already moving at her from above.
With her senses bordering on illogical, she knew that she won't be able to block or deflect it, so she rolled to her left, avoiding a hit that would have definitely given her broken bones or a concussion.
"Oh for heavens' sake!" she swore as I spit a large amount of paralytic nectar to where she was before she even finished her movement.
A wave easily three meters in height unleashed towards her at high speed.
She sliced at the wave with the daggers, her Qi, guided by her will and her insane sensing skill forming a small barrier to shield her from any droplets that would hit her body.
"Impressive! Just yesterday, you completely lost to that trick of me!, and now you found a way to counter it." I praised her, both genuinely honest and amused.
A tick mark appeared on her head at the reminder. She definitely wasn't amused about it, after all...
"Yes, grabbing your breasts then throwing nectars from them. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get caught in such thing!?" she yelled at me as her face reddened just by remembering it.
Oh, yes, the trick of throwing poison from my breasts. Truly, it's as humiliating as your enemy just entering your space then giving you slaps left and right to your face. A seriously dignity-destroying force in this world.
Thanks a lot, DxD and Queen's Blade, for the hilariously fun idea. Now, if some idiot tries to harm and mock me while saying "why don't you go to your mommy, you little girl!?" I can do just that then feed on them! Tragedy at its finest for them!
"What are you even thinking about!?" Mei Wu rushed at me, no doubt feeling my sheer amusement at the possible mockery I could unleash at my enemies.
She knew better than running away while I'm distracted, since I am still far faster than her, and giving me time even when I'm thinking of something else is also bad, so she instead decided to attack me headfirst.
"But, you are still too slow." I chided her, still smirking as two branches moved from my side to hit her legs, and she barely managed to jump in time to avoid one of them, and the other being used to jump even further using her daggers. But this round was already decided by that point as from under the ground, multiple long vines burst out, more numerous than she could currently block or cut, and just as fast as the other attacks of mine.
With an indignant scream, she found herself captured as my vines caught her legs and arms, hanging facedown.
"Looks I win. Again." I told her the obvious as I moved her close to my upper body, playing with her long pink hair. Man, it was soft to the touch.
She glared at me before sighing.
"Yes, can you let me go now? And stop playing with my hair. It's annoying." she grumbled.
"Eh? Demanding that your, ah, superior, stops doing whatever she wants with you? After you complained a couple of days ago that me being nice is too world-shattering for your fragile ego? I keep saying this more and more, but you really need to be consistent."
I gave her an insufferable grin, shaking her up and down for good measure, (just for fun, really), making her head spin before letting her fall onto the ground with a squeak as her body twitched before she rose up, irritation clear along with exhaustion.
"Oww... You're so insufferable!" panting, she looked at me like I committed a war crime towards her. "And I hate the fact you're enjoying my suffering like this!"
Even if it was self-inflicted, was left unsaid. Quite the pride you have there, adorable woman.
"And stop being this smug about it!" she glowered.
I shrugged at her, and took a few seconds to give some of my Qi to the soil and flora around me now that the training session was over. I'd rather not see all the plant life get decimated here, I like this place. Plus, I'd like some natural beauty of greenery and the earth around me more than a random barren crater in the middle of nowhere.
After that, I returned my focus on the woman who was rubbing her head.
"Eh, fine. You're the boss here, for all the importance it means. Here, take this to help your exhausted body become fresh once more!"
I was going to give her another dose of the healing nectar, but since teasing her was the most fun I had so far, I decided to play another prank. If she finds it stupid, well, she wanted me to be cruel, so it's totally not my fault.
"Wait, what the fuck-"
I ignored her incredulous tone as I moved hand to my breasts, and as I used a miniscule amount of my Qi, I controlled the healing nectars as I shaped them into what I desired, and I held two very potent healing nectar constructs in each hand as I offered them to her.
"Tada! Choose your pick!"
Mei Wu looked at my hands, then at me, gaping, before asking me in the most skeptic voice I've heard so far.
"Is this a joke?"
"Yes, but also, no." I answered with no change to my facial expression, thoroughly enjoying the moment.
I hear the Protector Bee buzzing as if enjoying the spectacle it was seeing, and Mei Wu crossed her arms, annoyed.
"I'm not going to consume a healing nectar in the shape of a miniature version of some weird muscular shirtless grinning man," she pointed at my left hand, where a shirtless nectar-made statue of Joseph Joestar was, before pointing at my right hand, that had a nectar-made version of me. "Nor am I going to eat one that looks like a miniature you erotically covering your breasts!"
"Why not? Isn't this what you wanted me to do?" I asked, frowning like I discovered a serious problem, though Mei Wu, of course, noticed how I am finding the whole thing hilarious.
"When I ranted about me not understanding your niceness, I didn't mean I wanted you acting as a lunatic. More than usual, at least." she pointed her finger at me.
I opened my mouth to speak and defend my totally reasonable actions-
"No."
I pouted at that. "You didn't even let me talk!"
"I know it would be stupid! Now, either give me nectar, or I can just cultivate for now with a tired body." she fired back as she picked up her clothes.
Rolling my eyes, I commanded the two nectar statues to melt and filled a cup made by a small part of my oversized leaves for her.
You're such an inconsistent woman, you know that? Not liking it when I tease you or have fun at your expense, but wanting me to do so because of your past experiences, only for you to give me demands despite knowing how I could just not humor you and that you can't stop me from torturing you if I just felt like it.
But, I'm such a nice alraune, so I will forgive your hilariously inconsistent, borderline tsundere-like behaviour, instead of just capturing you with my vines and using your energy as food and breasts as pillows for my face like what a part of my predatory alraune instincts want.
Mei Wu both had her her body shiver and eyes twitch at that random thought of mine, but she didn't stop as she decided to return to our living area inside the Queen Bee's hive.
Soon enough, she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, preparing her mind and body to cultivate.
But seeing as she still wasn't truly into the whole miditating part at the moment, I found myself asking her.
"So, I didn't ask about it before, but since you can feel people's Qi what does yours feel?"
Mei Wu looked at me in annoyance, not liking me stopping her meditation, about to open her mouth before she stopped.
"My Qi, huh?" she stated, but I felt it was more like she was asking herself more than talking to me.
Contemplation was visible on her face, and I could almost see her mind thinking about it.
She found herself frowning, as if the answer she found was rather lackluster.
"I don't know. Whenever I feel it, its... colorless. Tasteless, no flavor to it." she admitted, her form seemingly dropping from exhaustion.
"How so? You should feel it, don't you? I know that my Qi is that of nature and plants, and I cultivate a technique suited for that. Why don't you know your own Qi's nature or form?" I asked, head tilting.
It was rather silent for a while as she was pondering about it.
"... Because I have no real sense of self?" the answer came more as a question, with enough doubt to make me think she was trying to solve a paradox than a simple question.
What does 'having no real sense of self' even mean?
Feeling my confusion, she started looking like she was... terrified? Of what?
"I fully understand it, what that means." she spoke, "I told you, didn't I? About my life so far both when I was living on the streets and in the Xie clan, correct?"
"Yes...?"
"Normally, one's Qi, when reaching a certain quantity and quality, starts to morph to suit their desires, skills, natures and aptitudes." Mei Wu started explaining, "But I think that for me... I just couldn't find a style or a purpose. Not, really. It didn't help that I could literally smell and taste the Qi of others, and that most of the experiences were... not good ones." she confessed.
"I never really found a way that my skills made me happy, and I mean that in the way where I look at my life and say that it's worth living, despite me fearing death. Of course, my Qi wouldn't be like anyone I did see, since I didn't want to be like these assholes around me, nor did I want it to have the color of their victims. I couldn't really connect to others, and if I did, these bonds would be severed by the whims of fate. Truly fitting, don't you think?" she looked at me as if self-deprecatingly.
"It's pathetic, you know? Even now, my Qi feels the same as normal humans and mortals, except I just have more than them. I don't even have any real characteristic in it! As if... as if... I want to be normal?"
'I want to be normal', huh. I thought about it. She was still uncertain, but I feel that this is a paradoxically possible choice, somehow. But, something is missing...
She sighed in disappointment and resignation.
"But I know it would be impossible for that to happen. Me, returning to have a normal life with mere mortals and non-warriors? Leaving this world of fighting where people eat each other? It just can't be done. Even if I decided to just go to some village in the middle of nowhere, even if I didn't try to train or cultivate anymore, disaster could very well strike out of nowhere. In the end... there's nowhere for me to run." she finished.
"Unless anyone who tries to harm me becomes weaker than me, or others who are stronger than anyone who wants to hurt me decide to protect me, that's how my life would be for as long as I am alive. That's how I would be, isn't it? A colorless, empty being in a world of colors, one that doesn't even belong between other colorless beings..."
I felt the moment she was so crushed. For her, life is nothing but a huge tragedy where she doesn't even know where she truly belongs. It seems that even she didn't know about how far her dislike for her situation was.
Looking at her all angsty and depressed, I felt something... not quite like kinship, but similar to it. Maybe it's more my former human self who understood Mei Wu's tragedy the most. After all, even in my previous life, I had to deal with the very obvious question of where I could belong, and I believe it's a question that anyone asks to themselves.
Mei Wu just didn't find the place she belonged to, or didn't feel like she belonged to anywhere.
But more importantly, there was something she had just said that seemed to stick into my mind.
"Unless anyone who harms you becomes weaker than you, huh. A colorless existence..." I spoke before I realized my mouth opened. An absurd, ridiculous idea making itself clear in my mind.
A smile formed on my face, as I found myself thinking of an absurdly, yet strangely fitting idea.
"A 'normal' life. That's a paradoxically interesting desire."
"What?" Mei Wu perked up at that, confused. "How can that be an interesting desire? Isn't that what people want the most? That's the most obvious thing! It's not special!"
"Maybe, but you're clearly craving for it, isn't that right? You desire it, don't you? A life where you can smile, cry, love, hate, and more, without a string of tragedies involving warriors, beasts, or Rankers, isn't that right? Or maybe, more precisely, you want power to make it so such things can't harm you."
She thought about it, and nodded, "True, but how is that even possible?"
She looked at me frustrated. "How would I even do that if I'm this weak!? You think I didn't try to be strong!? I failed! My breakthrough two days ago was the first I had in years!"
"Then, if you can't be strong... then lower your enemy's ability to fight to your level, and crush them underfoot."
My answer cut through her emotions like an arrow.
"W-what?"
I moved closer to her, realizing my ridiculous idea must be heard by her. A ridiculous idea, true, but wouldn't it make sense at some point? After all, in this world where enlightenment can be from anything, and one's skills can evolve according to their desires, wouldn't it be more possible for this bizarre idea to become a fact?
"What you desire isn't to ascend to the Heavens." I declared, with certainty. I felt it in my heart that what I was seeing was true. "You don't want to be the ruler of all things, like many others. Instead, you want to be an entity that just erases all inequalities between you and others who are stronger than you."
My smile widened even further as I saw her eyes widen with realization, her own Qi humming at the discovery.
"If, if all living beings are mere cells, with those with power being slightly stronger cells wanting to be even stronger cells, then what I want is...!"
Truth, assertion, understanding; these were what I saw in her eyes, and in her soul as her Qi asserted itself with the discovery.
"To revert these cells into their original states and crush them. Because you want a world where cells are all the same in your presence. What you want to be is to become..."
Completely synchronized, our mouths uttered the words.
"A cell's programmed death. An apoptosis. I/You want a world without a god to control me/you."
Glendios I'll be honest and say the idea was a fun one I thought of on a whim, so I have some thoughts on where to go with it, though I'm rather uncertain. Tell me your opinions about it please!
Two days passed since I and Mei Wu had our conversation. If I am being honest, I was truly shocked by the sheer rage she showed me, and it was also practically the first time I felt that angry at her.
I understood her point very well. I was basically 'breaking her world' due to how my actions were just so different to how she was used to be treated.
I mean, I understood how she was treated by the Xie clan, and how she loathed it, but I didn't realize that my behaviour would make her feel so mad she would rather want to be treated horribly just because it 'made more sense' in her mind.
Then again, she admitted that she might have not been this furious, and a lot more accepting of the change if it was gradual instead of it being thrown at her so suddenly and in such a short time, something I fully agree with. Time can really help one acclimate to harsh and good situations alike, at least if they wanted to acclimate.
Another surprise I found out is that she can now fully understand japanese, or the 'beast language,' as this world probably knows it. Her attempt to fully understand me and have me understand her point, the mental breakdown that occured, along with everything in her heart practically increased her Qi sensing skill's level to a degree neither me or she had expected, and she became even more sensitive to the subtle changes of Qi as well, particularly me, since I was the biggest reason for that desire.
Naturally, she also became more attuned to the moods of the many bee beasts in the hive, along with the Queen Bee with a much higher precision, and much to her relief, with a much more tolerance to the overpowering nature of Qi around her.
She was now able to handle my presence when I am at least half-serious and focusing on her, with no real trouble, which was a huge improvement in her opinion. From easily almost fainting and throwing up due to Xie Li focusing his intent on her, to handling the pressure of a slightly serious Silver-ranked Level 3 beast.
Mei Wu even managed to grow in level from the equivalent to a Level 1 [Apprentice] to a level 2 [Braveman] by sheer spite and rage at what she identified as a mind-boggling and absurd behaviour from me.
Truly, a huge growth even for me to ignore.
Not only did she basically find a way to completely ignore the language barrier between me and her, turn her senses a lot sharper, but she also increased her power by practically triple of what she had before, or even slightly more! I'm honestly proud of her progress, even if her using sheer spite wasn't exactly what I preferred to be the cataclyst to that. Maybe a not-really deathmatch with an enemy of her level would have been more fitting?
Well, one can't complain about it now.
But, that still leaves the obvious fact that Mei Wu was still upset and frustrated about me, and the Queen Bee to a lesser extent, basically treating her so differently than she was used to, worried about the Xie clan as they would most definitely realize the disappearance of their young master, and she really needed some way to vent it all, and also a way to grow even stronger, and so did I for that matter.
And thus, our training arc began! Truly, something awe-inspiring with definitely no gaping problems at all!
Of course, I had to deal with two immediate problems, because Murphy just loves ruining my fun.
For one, since of course we couldn't train inside the Qieen Bee's domain, and we are still two nobody janitors -or so Mei Wu tried to convince me- we had to train outside. This wasn't honestly that big of a deal, but having these Protector Bees following us wasn't exactly as cool when they just kept to themselves, just flying there... menacingly! Don't they have anything to do other than watching us train? I mean, geez, it was fine when I did nothing more than just enjoying the air and sights, but watching me while I was training with Mei Wu felt like I was being stalked!
They were just there, something I could very well sense but honestly rather irritating when they didn't even change their moods, looking completely apathetic as I trained.
I mean, do something other than just watching us, or feel something more than boredom? That would help a lot to ease the tension their presence was making, in my opinion.
The other problem was, to put it bluntly... I didn't know how to teach. Now, don't get me wrong, fighting is all fine and simple to me thanks to my instincts, sapience and all that. Training one how to fight?
Yeah, I have no experience in that whatsoever. Thus, the best I could is to basically rip off how every shonen training arc goes, but slightly modified.
Kick my trainee, Mei Wu's butt, exhaust her, then pump her up with healing energy from either my nectars or from the healing skill I got from eating that healer plant-type beast, the Heasy flower.
At least it's a bit entertaining, just as I and she are doing right now.
"I know very well that your reasoning for this so-called training is sound," Mei Wu scowled, standing up as I healed her once more, "but I still hate you for it!"
She was currently wearing but her undergarments and her daggers, mostly because she'd rather not have her only outfit ripped beyond repair while in this area, depite not liking it one bit. Pragmatism at its finest.
I honestly have no problem with it. If I can't be bothered to cover my breasts, then some nudity is no big deal.
"Yes, I love you too, sweetie~!" I spoke in a sweet voice as another vine swung at her. It was only a half-serious swing, but I still eclipsed her by a large margin, and she barely raised her daggers to block it, being pushed back a couple of meters before she got back her bearings.
But a rather thick branch was already moving at her from above.
With her senses bordering on illogical, she knew that she won't be able to block or deflect it, so she rolled to her left, avoiding a hit that would have definitely given her broken bones or a concussion.
"Oh for heavens' sake!" she swore as I spit a large amount of paralytic nectar to where she was before she even finished her movement.
A wave easily three meters in height unleashed towards her at high speed.
She sliced at the wave with the daggers, her Qi, guided by her will and her insane sensing skill forming a small barrier to shield her from any droplets that would hit her body.
"Impressive! Just yesterday, you completely lost to that trick of me!, and now you found a way to counter it." I praised her, both genuinely honest and amused.
A tick mark appeared on her head at the reminder. She definitely wasn't amused about it, after all...
"Yes, grabbing your breasts then throwing nectars from them. Do you know how embarrassing it is to get caught in such thing!?" she yelled at me as her face reddened just by remembering it.
Oh, yes, the trick of throwing poison from my breasts. Truly, it's as humiliating as your enemy just entering your space then giving you slaps left and right to your face. A seriously dignity-destroying force in this world.
Thanks a lot, DxD and Queen's Blade, for the hilariously fun idea. Now, if some idiot tries to harm and mock me while saying "why don't you go to your mommy, you little girl!?" I can do just that then feed on them! Tragedy at its finest for them!
"What are you even thinking about!?" Mei Wu rushed at me, no doubt feeling my sheer amusement at the possible mockery I could unleash at my enemies.
She knew better than running away while I'm distracted, since I am still far faster than her, and giving me time even when I'm thinking of something else is also bad, so she instead decided to attack me headfirst.
"But, you are still too slow." I chided her, still smirking as two branches moved from my side to hit her legs, and she barely managed to jump in time to avoid one of them, and the other being used to jump even further using her daggers. But this round was already decided by that point as from under the ground, multiple long vines burst out, more numerous than she could currently block or cut, and just as fast as the other attacks of mine.
With an indignant scream, she found herself captured as my vines caught her legs and arms, hanging facedown.
"Looks I win. Again." I told her the obvious as I moved her close to my upper body, playing with her long pink hair. Man, it was soft to the touch.
She glared at me before sighing.
"Yes, can you let me go now? And stop playing with my hair. It's annoying." she grumbled.
"Eh? Demanding that your, ah, superior, stops doing whatever she wants with you? After you complained a couple of days ago that me being nice is too world-shattering for your fragile ego? I keep saying this more and more, but you really need to be consistent."
I gave her an insufferable grin, shaking her up and down for good measure, (just for fun, really), making her head spin before letting her fall onto the ground with a squeak as her body twitched before she rose up, irritation clear along with exhaustion.
"Oww... You're so insufferable!" panting, she looked at me like I committed a war crime towards her. "And I hate the fact you're enjoying my suffering like this!"
Even if it was self-inflicted, was left unsaid. Quite the pride you have there, adorable woman.
"And stop being this smug about it!" she glowered.
I shrugged at her, and took a few seconds to give some of my Qi to the soil and flora around me now that the training session was over. I'd rather not see all the plant life get decimated here, I like this place. Plus, I'd like some natural beauty of greenery and the earth around me more than a random barren crater in the middle of nowhere.
After that, I returned my focus on the woman who was rubbing her head.
"Eh, fine. You're the boss here, for all the importance it means. Here, take this to help your exhausted body become fresh once more!"
I was going to give her another dose of the healing nectar, but since teasing her was the most fun I had so far, I decided to play another prank. If she finds it stupid, well, she wanted me to be cruel, so it's totally not my fault.
"Wait, what the fuck-"
I ignored her incredulous tone as I moved hand to my breasts, and as I used a miniscule amount of my Qi, I controlled the healing nectars as I shaped them into what I desired, and I held two very potent healing nectar constructs in each hand as I offered them to her.
"Tada! Choose your pick!"
Mei Wu looked at my hands, then at me, gaping, before asking me in the most skeptic voice I've heard so far.
"Is this a joke?"
"Yes, but also, no." I answered with no change to my facial expression, thoroughly enjoying the moment.
I hear the Protector Bee buzzing as if enjoying the spectacle it was seeing, and Mei Wu crossed her arms, annoyed.
"I'm not going to consume a healing nectar in the shape of a miniature version of some weird muscular shirtless grinning man," she pointed at my left hand, where a shirtless nectar-made statue of Joseph Joestar was, before pointing at my right hand, that had a nectar-made version of me. "Nor am I going to eat one that looks like a miniature you erotically covering your breasts!"
"Why not? Isn't this what you wanted me to do?" I asked, frowning like I discovered a serious problem, though Mei Wu, of course, noticed how I am finding the whole thing hilarious.
"When I ranted about me not understanding your niceness, I didn't mean I wanted you acting as a lunatic. More than usual, at least." she pointed her finger at me.
I opened my mouth to speak and defend my totally reasonable actions-
"No."
I pouted at that. "You didn't even let me talk!"
"I know it would be stupid! Now, either give me nectar, or I can just cultivate for now with a tired body." she fired back as she picked up her clothes.
Rolling my eyes, I commanded the two nectar statues to melt and filled a cup made by a small part of my oversized leaves for her.
You're such an inconsistent woman, you know that? Not liking it when I tease you or have fun at your expense, but wanting me to do so because of your past experiences, only for you to give me demands despite knowing how I could just not humor you and that you can't stop me from torturing you if I just felt like it.
But, I'm such a nice alraune, so I will forgive your hilariously inconsistent, borderline tsundere-like behaviour, instead of just capturing you with my vines and using your energy as food and breasts as pillows for my face like what a part of my predatory alraune instincts want.
Mei Wu both had her her body shiver and eyes twitch at that random thought of mine, but she didn't stop as she decided to return to our living area inside the Queen Bee's hive.
Soon enough, she was sitting cross-legged on the floor, preparing her mind and body to cultivate.
But seeing as she still wasn't truly into the whole miditating part at the moment, I found myself asking her.
"So, I didn't ask about it before, but since you can feel people's Qi what does yours feel?"
Mei Wu looked at me in annoyance, not liking me stopping her meditation, about to open her mouth before she stopped.
"My Qi, huh?" she stated, but I felt it was more like she was asking herself more than talking to me.
Contemplation was visible on her face, and I could almost see her mind thinking about it.
She found herself frowning, as if the answer she found was rather lackluster.
"I don't know. Whenever I feel it, its... colorless. Tasteless, no flavor to it." she admitted, her form seemingly dropping from exhaustion.
"How so? You should feel it, don't you? I know that my Qi is that of nature and plants, and I cultivate a technique suited for that. Why don't you know your own Qi's nature or form?" I asked, head tilting.
It was rather silent for a while as she was pondering about it.
"... Because I have no real sense of self?" the answer came more as a question, with enough doubt to make me think she was trying to solve a paradox than a simple question.
What does 'having no real sense of self' even mean?
Feeling my confusion, she started looking like she was... terrified? Of what?
"I fully understand it, what that means." she spoke, "I told you, didn't I? About my life so far both when I was living on the streets and in the Xie clan, correct?"
"Yes...?"
"Normally, one's Qi, when reaching a certain quantity and quality, starts to morph to suit their desires, skills, natures and aptitudes." Mei Wu started explaining, "But I think that for me... I just couldn't find a style or a purpose. Not, really. It didn't help that I could literally smell and taste the Qi of others, and that most of the experiences were... not good ones." she confessed.
"I never really found a way that my skills made me happy, and I mean that in the way where I look at my life and say that it's worth living, despite me fearing death. Of course, my Qi wouldn't be like anyone I did see, since I didn't want to be like these assholes around me, nor did I want it to have the color of their victims. I couldn't really connect to others, and if I did, these bonds would be severed by the whims of fate. Truly fitting, don't you think?" she looked at me as if self-deprecatingly.
"It's pathetic, you know? Even now, my Qi feels the same as normal humans and mortals, except I just have more than them. I don't even have any real characteristic in it! As if... as if... I want to be normal?"
'I want to be normal', huh. I thought about it. She was still uncertain, but I feel that this is a paradoxically possible choice, somehow. But, something is missing...
She sighed in disappointment and resignation.
"But I know it would be impossible for that to happen. Me, returning to have a normal life with mere mortals and non-warriors? Leaving this world of fighting where people eat each other? It just can't be done. Even if I decided to just go to some village in the middle of nowhere, even if I didn't try to train or cultivate anymore, disaster could very well strike out of nowhere. In the end... there's nowhere for me to run." she finished.
"Unless anyone who tries to harm me becomes weaker than me, or others who are stronger than anyone who wants to hurt me decide to protect me, that's how my life would be for as long as I am alive. That's how I would be, isn't it? A colorless, empty being in a world of colors, one that doesn't even belong between other colorless beings..."
I felt the moment she was so crushed. For her, life is nothing but a huge tragedy where she doesn't even know where she truly belongs. It seems that even she didn't know about how far her dislike for her situation was.
Looking at her all angsty and depressed, I felt something... not quite like kinship, but similar to it. Maybe it's more my former human self who understood Mei Wu's tragedy the most. After all, even in my previous life, I had to deal with the very obvious question of where I could belong, and I believe it's a question that anyone asks to themselves.
Mei Wu just didn't find the place she belonged to, or didn't feel like she belonged to anywhere.
But more importantly, there was something she had just said that seemed to stick into my mind.
"Unless anyone who harms you becomes weaker than you, huh. A colorless existence..." I spoke before I realized my mouth opened. An absurd, ridiculous idea making itself clear in my mind.
A smile formed on my face, as I found myself thinking of an absurdly, yet strangely fitting idea.
"A 'normal' life. That's a paradoxically interesting desire."
"What?" Mei Wu perked up at that, confused. "How can that be an interesting desire? Isn't that what people want the most? That's the most obvious thing! It's not special!"
"Maybe, but you're clearly craving for it, isn't that right? You desire it, don't you? A life where you can smile, cry, love, hate, and more, without a string of tragedies involving warriors, beasts, or Rankers, isn't that right? Or maybe, more precisely, you want power to make it so such things can't harm you."
She thought about it, and nodded, "True, but how is that even possible?"
She looked at me frustrated. "How would I even do that if I'm this weak!? You think I didn't try to be strong!? I failed! My breakthrough two days ago was the first I had in years!"
"Then, if you can't be strong... then lower your enemy's ability to fight to your level, and crush them underfoot."
My answer cut through her emotions like an arrow.
"W-what?"
I moved closer to her, realizing my ridiculous idea must be heard by her. A ridiculous idea, true, but wouldn't it make sense at some point? After all, in this world where enlightenment can be from anything, and one's skills can evolve according to their desires, wouldn't it be more possible for this bizarre idea to become a fact?
"What you desire isn't to ascend to the Heavens." I declared, with certainty. I felt it in my heart that what I was seeing was true. "You don't want to be the ruler of all things, like many others. Instead, you want to be an entity that just erases all inequalities between you and others who are stronger than you."
My smile widened even further as I saw her eyes widen with realization, her own Qi humming at the discovery.
"If, if all living beings are mere cells, with those with power being slightly stronger cells wanting to be even stronger cells, then what I want is...!"
Truth, assertion, understanding; these were what I saw in her eyes, and in her soul as her Qi asserted itself with the discovery.
"To revert these cells into their original states and crush them. Because you want a world where cells are all the same in your presence. What you want to be is to become..."
Completely synchronized, our mouths uttered the words.
"A cell's programmed death. An apoptosis. I/You want a world without a god to control me/you."
Glendios I'll be honest and say the idea was a fun one I thought of on a whim, so I have some thoughts on where to go with it, though I'm rather uncertain. Tell me your opinions about it please!
