The air had that fierce bite that came with the start of winter. Dani enjoyed how long she had been able to go out without bundling up into the season, but it couldn’t last forever.
She didn’t mind wearing more layers to cover herself. In fact, she felt safer when she didn’t have to worry about how people might look at her in less clothing. The changes to her body got a little more apparent each day and she was beginning to feel like some shifting blob, in between male and female. It was better than being seen outright as male, of course, though it still wasn’t ideal. If she could throw on a big coat to hide that, then being in public wouldn’t be as bad.
The issue was that her only winter coat was still at her parent’s house. She had forgotten to check the coat closet when she last picked up her things and was paying the price. The old boxes had some light jackets for early fall but they weren’t enough.
“Do you really not have a coat?” Rachel asked. They were walking between stores at the outlet mall.
Dani shivered and clung to herself. “It’s a little complicated.”
“Maybe we can find you one at the next store?” Rachel said with a frown. “You look so miserable like that.”
It was true. As much as Dani loved the sweater her grandmother had made for her, it didn’t do much to stop the cold sting of November winds.
On their way to the second store of the day, Dani hoped they could spend enough time inside to fully thaw out. Rachel led the way without saying how far they would be walking.
Dani had been to that mall once before with her mom as a child to shop for the rest of the family’s Christmas gifts. While it was a long time ago, she remembered it as one of the better moments with her mother. Still, it didn’t help her navigate the place at all.
She never understood the appeal of a mall that’s outside. Dealing with bugs and sweat in the summer and snow in the winter. It also spread everything out more than it needed to be. Dani convinced herself it was all some sort of money laundering scheme.
I guess it’s my fault for not suggesting my own place to shop. Or even knowing any good places to shop…
To Dani’s relief, Rachel stopped and opened the next door they passed. Without even bothering to look at the sign, Dani rushed in and got to work absorbing the heat inside. She felt like a lizard sunbathing on a rock.
A woman called out from the back of the store, “Good afternoon, ladies! Let me know if you need anything.” She was placing more clothes back on to racks and hardly paying them any attention.
Ladies, huh?
Dani felt good about the comment, even if it was likely due to being far away from the employee. She had worried the whole day how she would try anything remotely feminine on without seeming like a crossdresser to any store clerks. But now, if she could maintain that distance and not give her a reason to think otherwise, it might go over okay. Rachel even gave Dani a knowing smile when she heard the comment.
“So how about you grab some stuff you want to try on and then we meet by the changing rooms?” Rachel suggested.
Dani wavered. “I don’t know if I should be, like… In the same changing rooms you’re in.” It felt pitiful to say but the last thing she wanted to do was have the employee get a closer look at her and freak out. Being the next big news story to sweep through conservative media wasn’t on her to-do list. It was the gym locker rooms all over again.
“Oh, hmm,” Rachel said. “I didn’t think about that. But, this store is small enough that it doesn’t really have gendered changing rooms anyway. Just a couple of stalls in the back for whoever.”
“Really? Huh, I guess there’s no problem then.” Dani wasn’t used to things being simple. There was always another hurdle to prepare for.
For example, she wanted to tell Rachel she had no idea how to choose clothes that would look good on her. That while most girls would spend time learning a thing or two about fashion growing up, she wasted summer nights practicing combos in a video game. That her sense of style not only didn’t exist, but quite possibly descended into depths nobody had ever witnessed. If she closed her eyes she wouldn’t even be able to recall what Rachel had been wearing all day. The entire concept was foreign in her mind.
But that would be a lot of complaining in one day. Despite what Halloween night had revealed, Dani still viewed Rachel as confident and determined. How were they supposed to build a friendship if she didn’t at least make an effort to meet her half way?
“Then…” Dani took a deep breath. “I’ll meet you at the changing rooms in a few!”
The two split up to browse separately. Rachel toward the front where a selection of purses and handbags were set up, Dani toward… whatever caught her eye.
It wasn’t a lie when Rachel said the store was small. Even on opposite sides, Dani could hear Rachel picking up and setting down various bags. Obviously being the only two customers there at the time didn’t help. Part of her wished it was a little busier. It meant more strangers who might make things uncomfortable, sure. But it also meant she didn’t have to worry about Rachel looking over and seeing her look at a “bad” piece of clothing.
Is that even a thing? Can a jacket or shirt just be outright bad or does it depend on who wears it and what’s being worn with it? God, why didn’t I do any research before this.
Dani had spent enough time online to know trans women like herself usually go through a phase of wearing some not flattering outfits. What she didn’t know was how to avoid that, if it was even possible. There was already so much to learn with voice training and makeup. She thought she had done a good job! Now she was learning that there were still miles left to traverse.
Whatever. Maybe Rachel will stop me if I’m about to buy anything too heinous.
She noticed that most of the clothing was very neutral. White, black, navy, some shade of tan she was certain had a more complicated name. In a way it made her less worried about choosing something too “out there.” If that was Rachel’s intent by picking that store, she was a genius.
Once Dani had looked over a few dozen items, she decided it was time to start picking things up. A dark blue sweater that looked fancier than anything she had ever owned called out to her. She could picture herself wearing it and maybe looking cute in it. The skirts she avoided. It was another early-trans trope she wanted to steer clear of. She did grab a white collared shirt to try on something that wasn’t a sweater. The clothes all felt a little too fashionable for her. Like it was a store for people who knew what they were doing, not someone trying to learn the basics of dressing themselves.
As Dani wandered through the shelves and racks, grabbing whatever she thought looked cute and acceptable for her to wear, her nerves settled down. She stopped looking at the shopping trip as some rite of passage to prove she deserved to wear those clothes, and instead realized she was just having a nice day with a new friend. If she wanted to buy whatever clothes she wanted, that was alright, even if they didn’t look good on her.
But she really wanted them to look good on her.
Eventually she found herself by the changing room.
“Perfect timing!” Rachel said. She appeared behind Dani with an armful of her own items. “Woah, that’s a lot of stuff! You can change first, I just have a few things and I’m pretty sure they will fit.”
“Um, sure,” Dani said.
Did I grab too many things? Maybe she doesn’t realize what I’m here for. I guess we just planned to shop, she never signed on to be my personal stylist, just to help me pick an outfit. Maybe she didn’t even remember that part! Doesn’t weed make you forget stuff??
“I don’t have a lot of… real clothes,” Dani tried to defend herself. “Like, it’s all guy stuff from when I was in high school. I need to build a whole new wardrobe.”
Rachel tilted her head and said, “Oh, I didn’t think about that. Then you should show me what you try on!” Her voice perked up. “I have some ideas that I think you would look good in.”
Hearing that almost knocked Dani over.
She thinks I might look good? Not like a weird little creature, but actually good?
That was all she needed to rush into the changing room and shut the door.
Announcement Read all the way up to Chapter 40 over on my Patreon, cuties~ And supporters can also vote in the poll that will decide my next story!
The air had that fierce bite that came with the start of winter. Dani enjoyed how long she had been able to go out without bundling up into the season, but it couldn’t last forever.
She didn’t mind wearing more layers to cover herself. In fact, she felt safer when she didn’t have to worry about how people might look at her in less clothing. The changes to her body got a little more apparent each day and she was beginning to feel like some shifting blob, in between male and female. It was better than being seen outright as male, of course, though it still wasn’t ideal. If she could throw on a big coat to hide that, then being in public wouldn’t be as bad.
The issue was that her only winter coat was still at her parent’s house. She had forgotten to check the coat closet when she last picked up her things and was paying the price. The old boxes had some light jackets for early fall but they weren’t enough.
“Do you really not have a coat?” Rachel asked. They were walking between stores at the outlet mall.
Dani shivered and clung to herself. “It’s a little complicated.”
“Maybe we can find you one at the next store?” Rachel said with a frown. “You look so miserable like that.”
It was true. As much as Dani loved the sweater her grandmother had made for her, it didn’t do much to stop the cold sting of November winds.
On their way to the second store of the day, Dani hoped they could spend enough time inside to fully thaw out. Rachel led the way without saying how far they would be walking.
Dani had been to that mall once before with her mom as a child to shop for the rest of the family’s Christmas gifts. While it was a long time ago, she remembered it as one of the better moments with her mother. Still, it didn’t help her navigate the place at all.
She never understood the appeal of a mall that’s outside. Dealing with bugs and sweat in the summer and snow in the winter. It also spread everything out more than it needed to be. Dani convinced herself it was all some sort of money laundering scheme.
I guess it’s my fault for not suggesting my own place to shop. Or even knowing any good places to shop…
To Dani’s relief, Rachel stopped and opened the next door they passed. Without even bothering to look at the sign, Dani rushed in and got to work absorbing the heat inside. She felt like a lizard sunbathing on a rock.
A woman called out from the back of the store, “Good afternoon, ladies! Let me know if you need anything.” She was placing more clothes back on to racks and hardly paying them any attention.
Ladies, huh?
Dani felt good about the comment, even if it was likely due to being far away from the employee. She had worried the whole day how she would try anything remotely feminine on without seeming like a crossdresser to any store clerks. But now, if she could maintain that distance and not give her a reason to think otherwise, it might go over okay. Rachel even gave Dani a knowing smile when she heard the comment.
“So how about you grab some stuff you want to try on and then we meet by the changing rooms?” Rachel suggested.
Dani wavered. “I don’t know if I should be, like… In the same changing rooms you’re in.” It felt pitiful to say but the last thing she wanted to do was have the employee get a closer look at her and freak out. Being the next big news story to sweep through conservative media wasn’t on her to-do list. It was the gym locker rooms all over again.
“Oh, hmm,” Rachel said. “I didn’t think about that. But, this store is small enough that it doesn’t really have gendered changing rooms anyway. Just a couple of stalls in the back for whoever.”
“Really? Huh, I guess there’s no problem then.” Dani wasn’t used to things being simple. There was always another hurdle to prepare for.
For example, she wanted to tell Rachel she had no idea how to choose clothes that would look good on her. That while most girls would spend time learning a thing or two about fashion growing up, she wasted summer nights practicing combos in a video game. That her sense of style not only didn’t exist, but quite possibly descended into depths nobody had ever witnessed. If she closed her eyes she wouldn’t even be able to recall what Rachel had been wearing all day. The entire concept was foreign in her mind.
But that would be a lot of complaining in one day. Despite what Halloween night had revealed, Dani still viewed Rachel as confident and determined. How were they supposed to build a friendship if she didn’t at least make an effort to meet her half way?
“Then…” Dani took a deep breath. “I’ll meet you at the changing rooms in a few!”
The two split up to browse separately. Rachel toward the front where a selection of purses and handbags were set up, Dani toward… whatever caught her eye.
It wasn’t a lie when Rachel said the store was small. Even on opposite sides, Dani could hear Rachel picking up and setting down various bags. Obviously being the only two customers there at the time didn’t help. Part of her wished it was a little busier. It meant more strangers who might make things uncomfortable, sure. But it also meant she didn’t have to worry about Rachel looking over and seeing her look at a “bad” piece of clothing.
Is that even a thing? Can a jacket or shirt just be outright bad or does it depend on who wears it and what’s being worn with it? God, why didn’t I do any research before this.
Dani had spent enough time online to know trans women like herself usually go through a phase of wearing some not flattering outfits. What she didn’t know was how to avoid that, if it was even possible. There was already so much to learn with voice training and makeup. She thought she had done a good job! Now she was learning that there were still miles left to traverse.
Whatever. Maybe Rachel will stop me if I’m about to buy anything too heinous.
She noticed that most of the clothing was very neutral. White, black, navy, some shade of tan she was certain had a more complicated name. In a way it made her less worried about choosing something too “out there.” If that was Rachel’s intent by picking that store, she was a genius.
Once Dani had looked over a few dozen items, she decided it was time to start picking things up. A dark blue sweater that looked fancier than anything she had ever owned called out to her. She could picture herself wearing it and maybe looking cute in it. The skirts she avoided. It was another early-trans trope she wanted to steer clear of. She did grab a white collared shirt to try on something that wasn’t a sweater. The clothes all felt a little too fashionable for her. Like it was a store for people who knew what they were doing, not someone trying to learn the basics of dressing themselves.
As Dani wandered through the shelves and racks, grabbing whatever she thought looked cute and acceptable for her to wear, her nerves settled down. She stopped looking at the shopping trip as some rite of passage to prove she deserved to wear those clothes, and instead realized she was just having a nice day with a new friend. If she wanted to buy whatever clothes she wanted, that was alright, even if they didn’t look good on her.
But she really wanted them to look good on her.
Eventually she found herself by the changing room.
“Perfect timing!” Rachel said. She appeared behind Dani with an armful of her own items. “Woah, that’s a lot of stuff! You can change first, I just have a few things and I’m pretty sure they will fit.”
“Um, sure,” Dani said.
Did I grab too many things? Maybe she doesn’t realize what I’m here for. I guess we just planned to shop, she never signed on to be my personal stylist, just to help me pick an outfit. Maybe she didn’t even remember that part! Doesn’t weed make you forget stuff??
“I don’t have a lot of… real clothes,” Dani tried to defend herself. “Like, it’s all guy stuff from when I was in high school. I need to build a whole new wardrobe.”
Rachel tilted her head and said, “Oh, I didn’t think about that. Then you should show me what you try on!” Her voice perked up. “I have some ideas that I think you would look good in.”
Hearing that almost knocked Dani over.
She thinks I might look good? Not like a weird little creature, but actually good?
That was all she needed to rush into the changing room and shut the door.
Announcement Read all the way up to Chapter 40 over on my Patreon, cuties~ And supporters can also vote in the poll that will decide my next story!