Inside the changing room were hot, piercing lights that shot down on Dani. It was a cramped stall with a narrow mirror, a dinged-up stool, and a hook on the door for the hangers.
I can do this. This is easy! It’s just putting on clothes, I’ve been doing it for years.
She hung the clothes on the plastic hook and removed her shoes to start. As she took off her clothes, she was careful not to look in the mirror too close or too long. The last thing she wanted was to turn an alright, maybe even fun, day into her overanalyzing her bare body. While she had grown used to seeing her face while doing makeup, gazing at herself half-naked was a whole different beast.
Once she was left in her underwear, including a sports bra that had recently started feeling too tight, she grabbed her first item: the blue sweater. Technically she knew it was called navy but there was too much on her mind to bother worrying about that.
The material was soft yet firm. It felt nice on her skin while still seeming durable and high quality. She shuddered at how expensive everything might be at the checkout. After slipping it over her head and popping her arms through their respective holes, she rushed to check out the mirror.
There was a problem.
I knew the sleeves went on too easily…
What she thought was a sweater was really a vest. Somehow, Dani’s brain had seen it on a hanger and assumed the rest of it was folded behind or inside of the garment. And now, instead of a nice sweater, she was standing in a vest with a deep neckline, showing off more of her sports bra than she was comfortable with.
Already she wanted to cry. It wasn’t like anyone saw her make the mistake, yet it still stung. Like more proof she had no idea what she was doing. More proof that she was different from Rachel, and cis women in general. None of it made sense to her.
But she didn’t cry.
They all had to learn stuff at some point. I’m just late to the game, but it’s still manageable.
She looked around and noticed the shirt she had brought into the booth. Without any more deliberation, she wiggled out of the vest and put on the collared shirt. After checking to see all the buttons were in place, which taught her that women’s buttons ran on opposite sides than men’s, she put the vest back on.
The next time she looked in the mirror, she felt relieved.
It’s… Not that bad? Kinda cute, even. Like I guess it’s nerdy but that certainly suits me.
She couldn’t pinpoint why, but it wasn’t as dull and boring as other sweater vests she had seen in the past. Maybe because it was shorter? Whatever the case, she brushed her hands over her new outfit to smooth it over.
Should I show Rachel this? I guess I need pants first.
Dani threw on the single pair of pants she brought with her off the rack. Tan... pants. She would have to ask Rachel what they were officially called. They had to be pulled up higher than she was used to, otherwise the ends would cover her feet. Once the waistband was near her belly button they seemed to be done. The pants didn’t feel that special. If they were any comfier than her usual jeans then it was negligible. Still, she turned around slowly in the mirror to make sure they fit well.
To her surprise, the whole outfit made her think of herself differently. Seeing herself in clothes like that stopped her from worrying that her shoulders were too wide or her hips were too small and square. Even though her body hadn’t changed since entering the room, a complete transformation had taken place in her mind.
Her legs looked longer, her waist narrower. It was a stronger version of the same feelings she felt on Halloween, when she saw herself in the toga for the first time. Not only did she feel better about how she looked, she actually wanted other people to see her that way. To perceive her the same way she felt in that moment.
Rachel might actually say it looks good!
She double checked that she was fully clothed before opening the stall door. Rachel, who had found a small bench to sit and wait on, looked up.
“Okay,” Dani asked, holding up her arms. “How do we feel about this?”
For a moment, Dani couldn’t get a read on her face. Rachel was looking at her, scanning her up and down with no discernible emotion. Then, she nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, that’s cute,” she said.
Dani thought back to the last time something had made her feel that elated, barring anything with Ryan of course. She actually managed to pick out clothes and wear them in a way Rachel, a literal goddess among her peers, thought was cute? Nothing would ruin that high.
“Although…” Rachel started.
The high was ruined.
Dani’s mind raced. What? Although what? What am I missing? What’s wrong?
Rachel continued, “You should really tuck in the shirt. And–” She stopped herself and stood up. “Sorry! I was about to go into a whole thing. You do look good! I won’t bombard you with advice unless you ask.” She crossed her arms, as if to stop herself from rambling.
“Please do,” Dani said. She took a step toward Rachel. “I want to be good at this stuff, not just ‘acceptable’ or ‘good enough.’ If you can suggest things then…”
She trailed off, not wanting to seem desperate.
Rachel smiled and shifted back and forth from the balls of her feet to her heels. “Okay! Then first, can you do a little twirl? I need a visual on everything that’s going on.”
“Right, sure thing,” Dani said. She slowly turned in a circle, hoping it would result in an even better outfit through Rachel’s advice.
Well it was still cute without her help. That means I’m not a completely lost cause!
“Alright,” Rachel said. “Stay here for a sec’ and I’ll be right back.” With that, she rushed off to the other end of the tiny store.
Dani looked around to see if the employee was paying them any attention. The answer was no. Other than a glance toward her direction now and again, the worker didn’t seem interested in looking at her, instead opting to straighten out one of the shelves.
The wait for Rachel wasn’t long, though it did make Dani feel awkward. She could see her friend rummaging through different items, never stopping at one area too long before moving forward. It was a growing concern of hers that there would be too many items to try on in a reasonable amount of time.
To distract her from any worries, she looked in the mirror again. The effect clothes could have on her overall image still baffled her. It made sense, of course. There had to be a reason that fashion was so prevalent in life. How every shopping center had over half the stores dedicated to clothing, how a massive industry had formed around it. But only then was it clicking for her. She actually looked like a woman to herself. Of course the makeup was helping but she had become used to that.
And as before, the moment she felt satisfied with her appearance, she noticed something else. Her hair was frizzier than she remembered.
Did it always poof out so far? Maybe it’s the temperature change, I’ve heard that can mess with it sometimes. Oh, it probably got all wild when I put the sweater on, that’s it.
She ran her hands along her copper-orange strands of hair, pleading that they would be tame when she let go. They were not. Her hair stuck out in random directions, giving no hope that they would be dealt with easily.
Of course. The second I feel safe with makeup I realize I have no clue how to dress. Then when I make progress with that I realize my hair looks like a tumbleweed. This is never going to end.
A tap on her shoulder told her Rachel was back. “Okay,” she said. “I have a few things here, but don’t feel like you need to try them all!” She placed them on the stool and stepped back. “These are what might be alternatives for what you’re wearing, depending on what you like most about your outfit.”
Dani was grateful for her self-loathing time being cut short. “Umm, I like the sweater I guess.”
“Great! Then I think you should try one of the skirts.”
A skirt?
Normally Dani would have felt worried. After all, she avoided grabbing a skirt a few minutes prior out of fear. But the pressure of how much progress she had left to make dragged her along.
Well if I waste my time being afraid of wearing things, it will take years to figure all of this out.
She nodded and closed the door to the changing room. This time, she knew exactly what to do. In a second she had gotten out of the tan pants and looked at the new pile of clothes she had.
One of the skirts was white. Or, maybe off-white? She really wished she did more research on terminology. The other was plaid, in the same color as her sweater.
I… Have no clue which one is better. I guess both are fine if she gave them to me?
She grabbed the plaid one, hoping that the fact it had a pattern would hide her lack of hips nicer than the solid color. At a certain point she switched into auto-pilot. None of the actions she did were planned out. Nerves weren’t affecting any part of her. She stepped into the skirt the same way she did with pants, and pulled it up.
This is real, huh. I’m sitting here putting on a skirt.
Younger Dani had thought of the scenario many times. In high school she considered buying one and wearing it in her room, but the risk of her parents finding it was too big. When she moved out, it was one of the first things she considered doing, even before makeup or voice training. However that, too, intimated her.. And now, after hyping it up for so many years, it was just… happening. No big glorious moment. No sneaking around or hiding it. All the same, she was thankful she kept her legs shaved
As she pulled it up to her hips, everything was normal. It was a part of her life now, plain and simple.
A quick look in the mirror reminded her to pull the skirt up higher than she was used to. She lifted the waistband until it was at the same height as the pants she had tried on.
Yeah. This really does look better.
She turned in a circle again, looking at herself at varying angles, taking in and appreciating how she looked. As happy as she was, the idea of wearing that outfit in public, on her own accord, still seemed out of reach.
But, it was worth showing Rachel. She opened the door and gestured to herself. “Good call,” she said.
Rachel once again smiled. “Yeah! Wow, you’re pulling this off really well. You did forget to tuck in your shirt again, though.”
Dani threw her head back and sighed. “Ugh, hold on,” she said as she went back to the room for a third time.
Announcement Go to my Patreon to read four chapters ahead, along with other exclusive stories, polls, and blog posts~
Inside the changing room were hot, piercing lights that shot down on Dani. It was a cramped stall with a narrow mirror, a dinged-up stool, and a hook on the door for the hangers.
I can do this. This is easy! It’s just putting on clothes, I’ve been doing it for years.
She hung the clothes on the plastic hook and removed her shoes to start. As she took off her clothes, she was careful not to look in the mirror too close or too long. The last thing she wanted was to turn an alright, maybe even fun, day into her overanalyzing her bare body. While she had grown used to seeing her face while doing makeup, gazing at herself half-naked was a whole different beast.
Once she was left in her underwear, including a sports bra that had recently started feeling too tight, she grabbed her first item: the blue sweater. Technically she knew it was called navy but there was too much on her mind to bother worrying about that.
The material was soft yet firm. It felt nice on her skin while still seeming durable and high quality. She shuddered at how expensive everything might be at the checkout. After slipping it over her head and popping her arms through their respective holes, she rushed to check out the mirror.
There was a problem.
I knew the sleeves went on too easily…
What she thought was a sweater was really a vest. Somehow, Dani’s brain had seen it on a hanger and assumed the rest of it was folded behind or inside of the garment. And now, instead of a nice sweater, she was standing in a vest with a deep neckline, showing off more of her sports bra than she was comfortable with.
Already she wanted to cry. It wasn’t like anyone saw her make the mistake, yet it still stung. Like more proof she had no idea what she was doing. More proof that she was different from Rachel, and cis women in general. None of it made sense to her.
But she didn’t cry.
They all had to learn stuff at some point. I’m just late to the game, but it’s still manageable.
She looked around and noticed the shirt she had brought into the booth. Without any more deliberation, she wiggled out of the vest and put on the collared shirt. After checking to see all the buttons were in place, which taught her that women’s buttons ran on opposite sides than men’s, she put the vest back on.
The next time she looked in the mirror, she felt relieved.
It’s… Not that bad? Kinda cute, even. Like I guess it’s nerdy but that certainly suits me.
She couldn’t pinpoint why, but it wasn’t as dull and boring as other sweater vests she had seen in the past. Maybe because it was shorter? Whatever the case, she brushed her hands over her new outfit to smooth it over.
Should I show Rachel this? I guess I need pants first.
Dani threw on the single pair of pants she brought with her off the rack. Tan... pants. She would have to ask Rachel what they were officially called. They had to be pulled up higher than she was used to, otherwise the ends would cover her feet. Once the waistband was near her belly button they seemed to be done. The pants didn’t feel that special. If they were any comfier than her usual jeans then it was negligible. Still, she turned around slowly in the mirror to make sure they fit well.
To her surprise, the whole outfit made her think of herself differently. Seeing herself in clothes like that stopped her from worrying that her shoulders were too wide or her hips were too small and square. Even though her body hadn’t changed since entering the room, a complete transformation had taken place in her mind.
Her legs looked longer, her waist narrower. It was a stronger version of the same feelings she felt on Halloween, when she saw herself in the toga for the first time. Not only did she feel better about how she looked, she actually wanted other people to see her that way. To perceive her the same way she felt in that moment.
Rachel might actually say it looks good!
She double checked that she was fully clothed before opening the stall door. Rachel, who had found a small bench to sit and wait on, looked up.
“Okay,” Dani asked, holding up her arms. “How do we feel about this?”
For a moment, Dani couldn’t get a read on her face. Rachel was looking at her, scanning her up and down with no discernible emotion. Then, she nodded with a smile.
“Yeah, that’s cute,” she said.
Dani thought back to the last time something had made her feel that elated, barring anything with Ryan of course. She actually managed to pick out clothes and wear them in a way Rachel, a literal goddess among her peers, thought was cute? Nothing would ruin that high.
“Although…” Rachel started.
The high was ruined.
Dani’s mind raced. What? Although what? What am I missing? What’s wrong?
Rachel continued, “You should really tuck in the shirt. And–” She stopped herself and stood up. “Sorry! I was about to go into a whole thing. You do look good! I won’t bombard you with advice unless you ask.” She crossed her arms, as if to stop herself from rambling.
“Please do,” Dani said. She took a step toward Rachel. “I want to be good at this stuff, not just ‘acceptable’ or ‘good enough.’ If you can suggest things then…”
She trailed off, not wanting to seem desperate.
Rachel smiled and shifted back and forth from the balls of her feet to her heels. “Okay! Then first, can you do a little twirl? I need a visual on everything that’s going on.”
“Right, sure thing,” Dani said. She slowly turned in a circle, hoping it would result in an even better outfit through Rachel’s advice.
Well it was still cute without her help. That means I’m not a completely lost cause!
“Alright,” Rachel said. “Stay here for a sec’ and I’ll be right back.” With that, she rushed off to the other end of the tiny store.
Dani looked around to see if the employee was paying them any attention. The answer was no. Other than a glance toward her direction now and again, the worker didn’t seem interested in looking at her, instead opting to straighten out one of the shelves.
The wait for Rachel wasn’t long, though it did make Dani feel awkward. She could see her friend rummaging through different items, never stopping at one area too long before moving forward. It was a growing concern of hers that there would be too many items to try on in a reasonable amount of time.
To distract her from any worries, she looked in the mirror again. The effect clothes could have on her overall image still baffled her. It made sense, of course. There had to be a reason that fashion was so prevalent in life. How every shopping center had over half the stores dedicated to clothing, how a massive industry had formed around it. But only then was it clicking for her. She actually looked like a woman to herself. Of course the makeup was helping but she had become used to that.
And as before, the moment she felt satisfied with her appearance, she noticed something else. Her hair was frizzier than she remembered.
Did it always poof out so far? Maybe it’s the temperature change, I’ve heard that can mess with it sometimes. Oh, it probably got all wild when I put the sweater on, that’s it.
She ran her hands along her copper-orange strands of hair, pleading that they would be tame when she let go. They were not. Her hair stuck out in random directions, giving no hope that they would be dealt with easily.
Of course. The second I feel safe with makeup I realize I have no clue how to dress. Then when I make progress with that I realize my hair looks like a tumbleweed. This is never going to end.
A tap on her shoulder told her Rachel was back. “Okay,” she said. “I have a few things here, but don’t feel like you need to try them all!” She placed them on the stool and stepped back. “These are what might be alternatives for what you’re wearing, depending on what you like most about your outfit.”
Dani was grateful for her self-loathing time being cut short. “Umm, I like the sweater I guess.”
“Great! Then I think you should try one of the skirts.”
A skirt?
Normally Dani would have felt worried. After all, she avoided grabbing a skirt a few minutes prior out of fear. But the pressure of how much progress she had left to make dragged her along.
Well if I waste my time being afraid of wearing things, it will take years to figure all of this out.
She nodded and closed the door to the changing room. This time, she knew exactly what to do. In a second she had gotten out of the tan pants and looked at the new pile of clothes she had.
One of the skirts was white. Or, maybe off-white? She really wished she did more research on terminology. The other was plaid, in the same color as her sweater.
I… Have no clue which one is better. I guess both are fine if she gave them to me?
She grabbed the plaid one, hoping that the fact it had a pattern would hide her lack of hips nicer than the solid color. At a certain point she switched into auto-pilot. None of the actions she did were planned out. Nerves weren’t affecting any part of her. She stepped into the skirt the same way she did with pants, and pulled it up.
This is real, huh. I’m sitting here putting on a skirt.
Younger Dani had thought of the scenario many times. In high school she considered buying one and wearing it in her room, but the risk of her parents finding it was too big. When she moved out, it was one of the first things she considered doing, even before makeup or voice training. However that, too, intimated her.. And now, after hyping it up for so many years, it was just… happening. No big glorious moment. No sneaking around or hiding it. All the same, she was thankful she kept her legs shaved
As she pulled it up to her hips, everything was normal. It was a part of her life now, plain and simple.
A quick look in the mirror reminded her to pull the skirt up higher than she was used to. She lifted the waistband until it was at the same height as the pants she had tried on.
Yeah. This really does look better.
She turned in a circle again, looking at herself at varying angles, taking in and appreciating how she looked. As happy as she was, the idea of wearing that outfit in public, on her own accord, still seemed out of reach.
But, it was worth showing Rachel. She opened the door and gestured to herself. “Good call,” she said.
Rachel once again smiled. “Yeah! Wow, you’re pulling this off really well. You did forget to tuck in your shirt again, though.”
Dani threw her head back and sighed. “Ugh, hold on,” she said as she went back to the room for a third time.
Announcement Go to my Patreon to read four chapters ahead, along with other exclusive stories, polls, and blog posts~