Smoke stalled in the air. The orange glow at the end of the joint in Dani’s hand maintained her focus.
How did humans even figure this shit out in the first place? Breathing in something that’s literally on fire, our species is doomed…
“So I just suck? Like a straw?” Dani asked Rachel to clarify for a third time.
Rachel had somehow managed to stay patient through the endless repetition of questions and concerns. The fact that she had been smoking since they got back to her apartment helped. “Sure,” she said from her cozy pile of blankets on the sofa. “Just make sure you actually breathe it in and not leave it in your mouth.”
“What, why?” Dani asked. “Will it burn me or something?” She contemplated setting down the smoldering wrap and calling it quits.
“No,” Rachel managed to say between fits of giggling. “But you won’t get high if it doesn’t go in your lungs.”
Dani sighed. “Oh, right.” She had gone over every option. Rachel, Ryan, Simon, and even the internet had all said it was safe. The lectures that school gave her about never doing drugs were fading into obscurity in the back of her mind. She wondered what was holding her back at that point. Drinking had never been that scary, in fact she loved getting drunk.
Maybe this will be the same! It could help me relax and not be so worried about things. I have no excuse to not at least try it out.
With great deliberation, Dani brought the joint to her mouth. The taste didn’t bother her as much as she expected. With how long it took for her to get used to the smell, she went in prepared for the worst. Still, savoring the flavor wasn’t something she was interested in. She did as Rachel instructed, breathing through the tight passage of air between her lips. Smoke began to fill her mouth and, thanks to Rachel’s warning, she made it a point to open up her lungs and take in everything.
At that moment, she recalled a promise she made as a child. Her family had been watching a movie, some old film her dad liked as a teen and wanted to share with the people he loved. It was the first time Dani saw blood and death on TV, which got her father a scolding later that night. Dani had clung to her mother after the graphic scene and was soothed by her gentle words. Later, once she had calmed down, a scene with a man injecting something with a syringe started up. Her father was wise enough to fast forward through it and save a little face with his wife, but Dani was curious.
Her mother reluctantly explained the broad concept of “drugs” to her children. Dani’s brothers were still too young to retain any of the movie or what was said. Not Dani, though. She absorbed everything her mother spoke about. That sick people, people that had lost their connection to God, used poison to try and make up for the lack of belief. That it would ruin their lives, rot their teeth, thin their hair, and eventually kill them. That they should be pitied. Feel sorry for them but don’t waste time trying to help them. One taste and there was no helping them, all they could do was pull other people into their pit or make it out on their own will.
Dani promised then and there that she would never do drugs as long as she lived. It made her parents happy. Her mother smiled and hugged her tight, while her father patted her on the back between sips of beer.
Of course, Dani promised her parents many things throughout her life.
Sorry mom, that’s another one broken.
Rachel’s voice shook her from her memory. “Please exhale, you’ve been holding that in for way too long.”
“Oh,” Dani said with a puff of smoke. She fully let all the smoke escape her mouth. “Sorry, I don’t know what happened.”
“You’re good,” Rachel said. “Just making sure you don’t go overboard.”
How long did I just go without breathing? It couldn’t have been that long, right?
She looked down at the burning paper in her hands.
Should I give this back to her?
Rachel must have caught Dani looking confused, as she soon said, “You can do another hit if you want before handing it back. It can be annoying to pass it around too much.”
Right, that makes sense. It would be dumb to keep going back and forth. Does that mean I should breathe it in again? Or do I wait? What’s the appropriate time between each ‘hit’ or whatever? Ugh, I have too many questions, I should shut up. Oh, I’m not talking, thank God.
Everything moved slower for Dani. Unfortunately, not enough for her to notice. She moved her hands to her mouth and inhaled another lungful of smoke.
Don’t hold it in too long, don’t hold it in too long.
She forced herself to keep track of the seconds and exhaled when she felt a cough approaching. Unable to stop it, she hacked up a few gray clouds until her breath was clear. Though, the coughing didn’t stop when the plumes did.
Each cough made her feel as if she was shrinking. Her surroundings grew further away, her focus flickered between finding nothing to latch onto and latching on to everything.
My voice sounds so deep, I need to stop coughing. Rachel is probably getting disgusted hearing me like this.
“There it is,” Rachel said. “I was wondering how you did your first one without coughing.”
Dani held out the joint in desperation, which Rachel heroically took from her.
Stop coughing. I’m done coughing, we’re over that. Nobody wants to hear me making these sounds.
She coughed.
What is the appeal of this? Who signs up to cough like a tuberculosis patient? When do I start feeling relaxed? Everything is weird and confusing and–
She coughed.
Oh my God, is this what being high is? There’s no way. I feel so slow, like I can’t do anything. If a fire broke out I might literally burn before I noticed. And Rachel does this all the time?
Before the next cough came, Dani took a huge gulp of water from her bottle.
Can I undo this? This better end soon, I’m sure Rachel is sick of having me here already. Did she even really want me here? What if she just wanted someone to dress up for fun, or laugh at. And now I’m dying in her living room. She’s going to hate me.
“How are you feeling?” Rachel asked, her demeanor as relaxed as ever. “Your coughing seems to have died down.”
Has it? My throat still feels weird. How long has it been since I last coughed?
“I feel…” Dani started. “It’s umm… weird.”
Rachel straightened out from her slumped position and looked toward Dani on the other side of the couch.
Why is she looking at me? I must look dumb. Of course I look dumb and strange and… She’s realizing she spent all day with a weirdo and is regretting it.
Rachel stood up, and said, “Let me go grab some food, you might feel better without an empty stomach.” She puffed away at the joint as she left to the kitchen.
Maybe. Maybe, yeah. Food might be good, thanks Rachel.
I can’t imagine Ryan and Simon going through this. How do they seem so natural all the time? I know them, they’re as awkward as I am! So what am I missing? Were their lives designed to be easier by some higher power?
She thought of her mother again. The close relationship they had before high school. It wasn’t what she would call ideal but she cherished it all the same.
How did life get so off the rails? What am I even doing? I don’t have a plan for myself. My future. Sure I’m living on my own but what’s next? I can’t live with Simon and Ryan forever. Working in a coffee shop can’t be the peak of my life. If it gets worse from here…
It has to get better. I should do college. Maybe. Right now, if I lose my job and can’t get another one, I’ll have to move back in with my parents. If they’ll even have me! No, I need a plan. How do I plan? Dad was good at those. What if I listened to him this whole time? I could have a degree by now like Simon. He doesn’t use it yet but the day will come where he starts doing more and more and I’m in the dust. Me and Ryan.
Is Ryan the key? He and I, what if we work out? We’ve gone on one real date but it was good. No, it was amazing. If he is willing to date me then maybe I’m not as lost as I thought.
Dani found herself staring at a small framed painting on the wall. Nothing more than a decoration meant to make Rachel’s apartment look cozier, depicting some red flowers. She kept looking at it, as her mind zoomed in, making it all she could see, with everything else a blur.
If mom had bought that, it would be the ocean. Or Jesus.
Again, she couldn’t shake thoughts of her mom from her head.
All the times she ran to her in the middle of the night because something scared her.
All the bandages and kisses on the cuts and scrapes she would get outside.
Each time she said she loved her before going to bed.
Why is it all different now? Why can’t it go back? If I had never transitioned I could still have it. She would still love me.
“Okay,” Rachel said entering the room. “Sorry the selection is slim but I haven’t bought snacks lately. I rinsed off some grapes and have a can of peanuts so hopefully you like–
Dani? What’s wrong, why are you crying?”
Announcement Read four chapters ahead and check out the exclusive high school fluff chapter over on my Patreon~
Smoke stalled in the air. The orange glow at the end of the joint in Dani’s hand maintained her focus.
How did humans even figure this shit out in the first place? Breathing in something that’s literally on fire, our species is doomed…
“So I just suck? Like a straw?” Dani asked Rachel to clarify for a third time.
Rachel had somehow managed to stay patient through the endless repetition of questions and concerns. The fact that she had been smoking since they got back to her apartment helped. “Sure,” she said from her cozy pile of blankets on the sofa. “Just make sure you actually breathe it in and not leave it in your mouth.”
“What, why?” Dani asked. “Will it burn me or something?” She contemplated setting down the smoldering wrap and calling it quits.
“No,” Rachel managed to say between fits of giggling. “But you won’t get high if it doesn’t go in your lungs.”
Dani sighed. “Oh, right.” She had gone over every option. Rachel, Ryan, Simon, and even the internet had all said it was safe. The lectures that school gave her about never doing drugs were fading into obscurity in the back of her mind. She wondered what was holding her back at that point. Drinking had never been that scary, in fact she loved getting drunk.
Maybe this will be the same! It could help me relax and not be so worried about things. I have no excuse to not at least try it out.
With great deliberation, Dani brought the joint to her mouth. The taste didn’t bother her as much as she expected. With how long it took for her to get used to the smell, she went in prepared for the worst. Still, savoring the flavor wasn’t something she was interested in. She did as Rachel instructed, breathing through the tight passage of air between her lips. Smoke began to fill her mouth and, thanks to Rachel’s warning, she made it a point to open up her lungs and take in everything.
At that moment, she recalled a promise she made as a child. Her family had been watching a movie, some old film her dad liked as a teen and wanted to share with the people he loved. It was the first time Dani saw blood and death on TV, which got her father a scolding later that night. Dani had clung to her mother after the graphic scene and was soothed by her gentle words. Later, once she had calmed down, a scene with a man injecting something with a syringe started up. Her father was wise enough to fast forward through it and save a little face with his wife, but Dani was curious.
Her mother reluctantly explained the broad concept of “drugs” to her children. Dani’s brothers were still too young to retain any of the movie or what was said. Not Dani, though. She absorbed everything her mother spoke about. That sick people, people that had lost their connection to God, used poison to try and make up for the lack of belief. That it would ruin their lives, rot their teeth, thin their hair, and eventually kill them. That they should be pitied. Feel sorry for them but don’t waste time trying to help them. One taste and there was no helping them, all they could do was pull other people into their pit or make it out on their own will.
Dani promised then and there that she would never do drugs as long as she lived. It made her parents happy. Her mother smiled and hugged her tight, while her father patted her on the back between sips of beer.
Of course, Dani promised her parents many things throughout her life.
Sorry mom, that’s another one broken.
Rachel’s voice shook her from her memory. “Please exhale, you’ve been holding that in for way too long.”
“Oh,” Dani said with a puff of smoke. She fully let all the smoke escape her mouth. “Sorry, I don’t know what happened.”
“You’re good,” Rachel said. “Just making sure you don’t go overboard.”
How long did I just go without breathing? It couldn’t have been that long, right?
She looked down at the burning paper in her hands.
Should I give this back to her?
Rachel must have caught Dani looking confused, as she soon said, “You can do another hit if you want before handing it back. It can be annoying to pass it around too much.”
Right, that makes sense. It would be dumb to keep going back and forth. Does that mean I should breathe it in again? Or do I wait? What’s the appropriate time between each ‘hit’ or whatever? Ugh, I have too many questions, I should shut up. Oh, I’m not talking, thank God.
Everything moved slower for Dani. Unfortunately, not enough for her to notice. She moved her hands to her mouth and inhaled another lungful of smoke.
Don’t hold it in too long, don’t hold it in too long.
She forced herself to keep track of the seconds and exhaled when she felt a cough approaching. Unable to stop it, she hacked up a few gray clouds until her breath was clear. Though, the coughing didn’t stop when the plumes did.
Each cough made her feel as if she was shrinking. Her surroundings grew further away, her focus flickered between finding nothing to latch onto and latching on to everything.
My voice sounds so deep, I need to stop coughing. Rachel is probably getting disgusted hearing me like this.
“There it is,” Rachel said. “I was wondering how you did your first one without coughing.”
Dani held out the joint in desperation, which Rachel heroically took from her.
Stop coughing. I’m done coughing, we’re over that. Nobody wants to hear me making these sounds.
She coughed.
What is the appeal of this? Who signs up to cough like a tuberculosis patient? When do I start feeling relaxed? Everything is weird and confusing and–
She coughed.
Oh my God, is this what being high is? There’s no way. I feel so slow, like I can’t do anything. If a fire broke out I might literally burn before I noticed. And Rachel does this all the time?
Before the next cough came, Dani took a huge gulp of water from her bottle.
Can I undo this? This better end soon, I’m sure Rachel is sick of having me here already. Did she even really want me here? What if she just wanted someone to dress up for fun, or laugh at. And now I’m dying in her living room. She’s going to hate me.
“How are you feeling?” Rachel asked, her demeanor as relaxed as ever. “Your coughing seems to have died down.”
Has it? My throat still feels weird. How long has it been since I last coughed?
“I feel…” Dani started. “It’s umm… weird.”
Rachel straightened out from her slumped position and looked toward Dani on the other side of the couch.
Why is she looking at me? I must look dumb. Of course I look dumb and strange and… She’s realizing she spent all day with a weirdo and is regretting it.
Rachel stood up, and said, “Let me go grab some food, you might feel better without an empty stomach.” She puffed away at the joint as she left to the kitchen.
Maybe. Maybe, yeah. Food might be good, thanks Rachel.
I can’t imagine Ryan and Simon going through this. How do they seem so natural all the time? I know them, they’re as awkward as I am! So what am I missing? Were their lives designed to be easier by some higher power?
She thought of her mother again. The close relationship they had before high school. It wasn’t what she would call ideal but she cherished it all the same.
How did life get so off the rails? What am I even doing? I don’t have a plan for myself. My future. Sure I’m living on my own but what’s next? I can’t live with Simon and Ryan forever. Working in a coffee shop can’t be the peak of my life. If it gets worse from here…
It has to get better. I should do college. Maybe. Right now, if I lose my job and can’t get another one, I’ll have to move back in with my parents. If they’ll even have me! No, I need a plan. How do I plan? Dad was good at those. What if I listened to him this whole time? I could have a degree by now like Simon. He doesn’t use it yet but the day will come where he starts doing more and more and I’m in the dust. Me and Ryan.
Is Ryan the key? He and I, what if we work out? We’ve gone on one real date but it was good. No, it was amazing. If he is willing to date me then maybe I’m not as lost as I thought.
Dani found herself staring at a small framed painting on the wall. Nothing more than a decoration meant to make Rachel’s apartment look cozier, depicting some red flowers. She kept looking at it, as her mind zoomed in, making it all she could see, with everything else a blur.
If mom had bought that, it would be the ocean. Or Jesus.
Again, she couldn’t shake thoughts of her mom from her head.
All the times she ran to her in the middle of the night because something scared her.
All the bandages and kisses on the cuts and scrapes she would get outside.
Each time she said she loved her before going to bed.
Why is it all different now? Why can’t it go back? If I had never transitioned I could still have it. She would still love me.
“Okay,” Rachel said entering the room. “Sorry the selection is slim but I haven’t bought snacks lately. I rinsed off some grapes and have a can of peanuts so hopefully you like–
Dani? What’s wrong, why are you crying?”
Announcement Read four chapters ahead and check out the exclusive high school fluff chapter over on my Patreon~