The sound of the door handle shaking was lost on Ryan as he listened to his father ramble on about football, politics, and life. It had been their first call in a month, the longest he had ever gone without speaking to him. Ryan had gotten out of sync with their weekly calls he once looked forward to and earlier that day found himself scared to pick up the phone for the first time in his life.
“You need to stay focused,” his father said. His voice carried its usual tone of conviction granted by his afternoon beers. “The warehouse is great but if you aren’t investing or looking to move up you’ll get stuck.”
Right, Ryan thought to himself. Wouldn’t want to get stuck. Might end up just like you.
‘Getting stuck’ was a common theme in his father’s advice. Warnings to avoid the empty life of desk jobs he had gotten caught in, to focus on relationships and finding a nice girl to start a family with. Ryan could tell his dad hated working in an office despite the money it made him by the way he would refer to other white-collar workers. If someone wasn’t breaking a sweat to get a job done then it was ‘fake work’ and something Ryan needed to avoid if he wanted a fulfilling life. He claimed the only reason he himself was doing that type of ‘fake work’ was to sustain raising his son and being a provider.
Ryan leaned into the couch and held in a sigh. “I know that, Dad,” he said. “I’ve been trying to read up on some of that stuff but it’s a lot. Maybe if I had gone to business school–”
“Nah, you don’t need any of that bullshit. Would have been a waste of money.” His father kept a firm and commanding tone. “Here’s what you need, at Thanksgiving you should talk with my buddy Clyde, you remember him?”
“I remember him,” Ryan said, squeezing his eyes tight.
“He’s been doing this stuff for years, I go to him for almost every financial decision. What he can do is set you up with a nice starter portfolio and…”
Jangling keys drew Ryan’s attention away from the call and toward the front door. Dani was hanging her jacket on the rack and peeling off her shoes as slow as she could.
When did she get home?
As his father continued to speak in his ear, Ryan stood up and walked to meet his…
Roommate. Who I go on dates with. Roommate that I’m dating? Maybe girlfriend but we never discussed that. We haven’t discussed anything, I have no idea what she’s thinking about.
He gave her a silent wave as she turned toward him. She gave him a weak yet genuine smile and a limp wave in return.
Ryan wanted to tell his dad to shut up about stocks and ask Dani if she was alright. Instead, he mouthed her the question while tucking his phone into his shoulder.
Dani nodded and pointed to the phone with a cocked head, mouthing the word ‘who.’
‘My dad,’ Ryan responded in kind.
Dani seemed satisfied with the answer and began to walk away, toward the hallway and her room.
“Hold–” Ryan blurted out before remembering the phone in his hand. He wanted to ask why she looked so exhausted and worn out, if she had a good or bad time with Rachel, if she wanted to watch a movie or plan another date.
She stopped walking at the same time his father caught on that he wasn’t paying attention.
“Ryan, what's going on over there that’s more important than talking with your father?” His dad loved to bring up the fact he was his parent every chance he got. If the talk went on long enough Ryan was sure he would hear about how hard it was to raise him as a single parent, or how he sacrificed so much for his only son to make it in the world and avoid his same mistakes.
“Sorry,” Ryan said as a reflex. “Something happened with a roommate, I’m making sure things are all good.”
His father grumbled and cleared his throat before speaking again. “Ah, well. Hope you’re keeping things in shape over there. Maybe if you get good at this investing stuff you can teach them a thing or two. You said Simon’s still doing that elementary school stuff? I’m sure that can’t pay too well. And what was the other one’s name? David?”
Ryan looked Dani in the eyes and swallowed.
Well the names sound the same so it’s not a big deal, really.
“Danny, Dad,” he said.
Dani didn’t react.
“Right, right, and what’s he doing?”
Again, Ryan thought how he could reply without upsetting Dani or tipping off to his father who she really was. “Works in a coffee shop,” was all he said.
“See? You boys need to start making a little more money,” his father said. “How are jobs like that supposed to support a family when you get married?”
“I… I’m not sure.”
“You’re almost the age I was when I married your mother, ya know.”
Ryan sighed and turned back to the living room to set his elbows on the back of the sofa.
“I know, Dad, but it’s not as if I’m not some loner or anything.”
“Yeah?” His dad sounded intrigued for the first time the entire call. Like he had actually cared about something Ryan had said. “Well if you have a girlfriend then bring her for Thanksgiving. Show her you’re serious and ready to–”
“It’s not like that,” Ryan interrupted. “I don’t have a girlfriend, all I meant was that I’ve been going on dates and stuff.”
He clenched his jaw when he heard Dani walk away and close the door to her room.
I hope she isn’t too upset by that. We haven’t called each other anything yet, so she shouldn’t be!
“Then that tells me you aren’t taking any of this as seriously as you need to,” his father’s lecture continued. “You want a nice family one day, don’t you?”
“I do.” His reply was honest.
“If you keep pussyfooting around and focusing energy into these flings then you won’t end up with what you want. Take it from me, when I was younger I–”
“Dad I understand, you don’t have to tell me,” Ryan said. He didn’t want to think about his father hooking up with anyone at any point in his life. “You’re right. I have been thinking lately about what I want.”
“And?” His father replied with zero delay. The suspense he left in the air sickened Ryan.
He wanted to tell his dad that his entire worldview had shifted in the past few years. That even if he wanted a family he might not do everything the traditional way his father had in mind.
He even wanted to tell his dad that the years he spent listening and absorbing everything he said had made his current life a nightmare. His voice would appear in his head at the worst moments and make him feel ashamed of being close to Dani. He wanted his dad to apologize, as impossible as it seemed.
“There’s going to be changes,” was all he could manage to say.
“Good,” his dad said. “I’d expect nothing less from the boy I raised. I was going to tell you this at Thanksgiving but you really have been becoming a good man. I’m proud of you.”
Ryan was caught off guard by the sudden display of emotion. It wasn’t anything special but even that small amount of vulnerability from his dad was a rare treat. As mad and frustrated as he was a moment ago, hearing that he made him proud felt good. It felt warm and made him happy.
Which of course frustrated him even further.
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The sound of the door handle shaking was lost on Ryan as he listened to his father ramble on about football, politics, and life. It had been their first call in a month, the longest he had ever gone without speaking to him. Ryan had gotten out of sync with their weekly calls he once looked forward to and earlier that day found himself scared to pick up the phone for the first time in his life.
“You need to stay focused,” his father said. His voice carried its usual tone of conviction granted by his afternoon beers. “The warehouse is great but if you aren’t investing or looking to move up you’ll get stuck.”
Right, Ryan thought to himself. Wouldn’t want to get stuck. Might end up just like you.
‘Getting stuck’ was a common theme in his father’s advice. Warnings to avoid the empty life of desk jobs he had gotten caught in, to focus on relationships and finding a nice girl to start a family with. Ryan could tell his dad hated working in an office despite the money it made him by the way he would refer to other white-collar workers. If someone wasn’t breaking a sweat to get a job done then it was ‘fake work’ and something Ryan needed to avoid if he wanted a fulfilling life. He claimed the only reason he himself was doing that type of ‘fake work’ was to sustain raising his son and being a provider.
Ryan leaned into the couch and held in a sigh. “I know that, Dad,” he said. “I’ve been trying to read up on some of that stuff but it’s a lot. Maybe if I had gone to business school–”
“Nah, you don’t need any of that bullshit. Would have been a waste of money.” His father kept a firm and commanding tone. “Here’s what you need, at Thanksgiving you should talk with my buddy Clyde, you remember him?”
“I remember him,” Ryan said, squeezing his eyes tight.
“He’s been doing this stuff for years, I go to him for almost every financial decision. What he can do is set you up with a nice starter portfolio and…”
Jangling keys drew Ryan’s attention away from the call and toward the front door. Dani was hanging her jacket on the rack and peeling off her shoes as slow as she could.
When did she get home?
As his father continued to speak in his ear, Ryan stood up and walked to meet his…
Roommate. Who I go on dates with. Roommate that I’m dating? Maybe girlfriend but we never discussed that. We haven’t discussed anything, I have no idea what she’s thinking about.
He gave her a silent wave as she turned toward him. She gave him a weak yet genuine smile and a limp wave in return.
Ryan wanted to tell his dad to shut up about stocks and ask Dani if she was alright. Instead, he mouthed her the question while tucking his phone into his shoulder.
Dani nodded and pointed to the phone with a cocked head, mouthing the word ‘who.’
‘My dad,’ Ryan responded in kind.
Dani seemed satisfied with the answer and began to walk away, toward the hallway and her room.
“Hold–” Ryan blurted out before remembering the phone in his hand. He wanted to ask why she looked so exhausted and worn out, if she had a good or bad time with Rachel, if she wanted to watch a movie or plan another date.
She stopped walking at the same time his father caught on that he wasn’t paying attention.
“Ryan, what's going on over there that’s more important than talking with your father?” His dad loved to bring up the fact he was his parent every chance he got. If the talk went on long enough Ryan was sure he would hear about how hard it was to raise him as a single parent, or how he sacrificed so much for his only son to make it in the world and avoid his same mistakes.
“Sorry,” Ryan said as a reflex. “Something happened with a roommate, I’m making sure things are all good.”
His father grumbled and cleared his throat before speaking again. “Ah, well. Hope you’re keeping things in shape over there. Maybe if you get good at this investing stuff you can teach them a thing or two. You said Simon’s still doing that elementary school stuff? I’m sure that can’t pay too well. And what was the other one’s name? David?”
Ryan looked Dani in the eyes and swallowed.
Well the names sound the same so it’s not a big deal, really.
“Danny, Dad,” he said.
Dani didn’t react.
“Right, right, and what’s he doing?”
Again, Ryan thought how he could reply without upsetting Dani or tipping off to his father who she really was. “Works in a coffee shop,” was all he said.
“See? You boys need to start making a little more money,” his father said. “How are jobs like that supposed to support a family when you get married?”
“I… I’m not sure.”
“You’re almost the age I was when I married your mother, ya know.”
Ryan sighed and turned back to the living room to set his elbows on the back of the sofa.
“I know, Dad, but it’s not as if I’m not some loner or anything.”
“Yeah?” His dad sounded intrigued for the first time the entire call. Like he had actually cared about something Ryan had said. “Well if you have a girlfriend then bring her for Thanksgiving. Show her you’re serious and ready to–”
“It’s not like that,” Ryan interrupted. “I don’t have a girlfriend, all I meant was that I’ve been going on dates and stuff.”
He clenched his jaw when he heard Dani walk away and close the door to her room.
I hope she isn’t too upset by that. We haven’t called each other anything yet, so she shouldn’t be!
“Then that tells me you aren’t taking any of this as seriously as you need to,” his father’s lecture continued. “You want a nice family one day, don’t you?”
“I do.” His reply was honest.
“If you keep pussyfooting around and focusing energy into these flings then you won’t end up with what you want. Take it from me, when I was younger I–”
“Dad I understand, you don’t have to tell me,” Ryan said. He didn’t want to think about his father hooking up with anyone at any point in his life. “You’re right. I have been thinking lately about what I want.”
“And?” His father replied with zero delay. The suspense he left in the air sickened Ryan.
He wanted to tell his dad that his entire worldview had shifted in the past few years. That even if he wanted a family he might not do everything the traditional way his father had in mind.
He even wanted to tell his dad that the years he spent listening and absorbing everything he said had made his current life a nightmare. His voice would appear in his head at the worst moments and make him feel ashamed of being close to Dani. He wanted his dad to apologize, as impossible as it seemed.
“There’s going to be changes,” was all he could manage to say.
“Good,” his dad said. “I’d expect nothing less from the boy I raised. I was going to tell you this at Thanksgiving but you really have been becoming a good man. I’m proud of you.”
Ryan was caught off guard by the sudden display of emotion. It wasn’t anything special but even that small amount of vulnerability from his dad was a rare treat. As mad and frustrated as he was a moment ago, hearing that he made him proud felt good. It felt warm and made him happy.
Which of course frustrated him even further.
Announcement Head over to my Patreon with the orange button to read chapters a month early (always four ahead!) and my other exclusive stories, blog posts, and polls~