On the last day of November, the sky was entirely gray. The clouds made it impossible to tell where the sun was, and threatened to cover the world below in snow. Dani hoped they would be able to contain themselves; she still didn’t have a proper winter coat.
I have to remember to buy one today, she told herself. Talking to herself and worrying about the weather kept her from feeling awkward as she stood in one place and people walked past her in both directions. She stood in the air lock of a department store attached to a shopping mall. It was her first time there, at Rachel’s request. Despite the longer drive, her new friend swore it would have a better selection than the strip mall they had visited before.
And so Dani found herself looking out the window at the dreary day, while she waited for Rachel at their agreed meeting spot.
I hope Rachel isn’t mad I’m not wearing the complete outfit. But it’s her fault for suggesting I buy a skirt right before winter starts.
Dani looked down. Somehow she talked herself into wearing the navy sweater vest she bought before Thanksgiving. It was over the white dress shirt she got alongside it. Unfortunately, she refused to go out in sub-forty degree weather in a skirt, and instead chose to wear some plain blue jeans. Though in truth, she wasn’t sure she was ready for the skirt in any weather.
If I had navy jeans, maybe it would look better. Oh well, nobody has given me weird looks, so that’s something.
Regardless of the minor wardrobe concern, Dani wasn’t nervous. Sure, she would still tense up whenever a group of teenagers passed, but she didn’t try and hide behind a support pillar or the dilapidated plastic plant in the corner. She stood determined and steady to the side of the entrance to make sure Rachel didn’t pass her by when she finally arrived.
Since returning from Simon’s family Thanksgiving she had felt that way. Her confidence that had been tucked away for so long was finally beating out her paranoia. At work, the customers were happier. At the apartment, Simon and Ryan seemed normal and they all got along like they used to. Ryan had even taken her to dinner without any prompting!
And now she was about to spend the day having fun with a friend, buying new clothes. She was almost let down by how unceremonious the transition from being anxious and miserable all the time to being content with her life had been. Or, she would have if she wasn’t spending all of her time enjoying the results.
“Hey, there you are!” Rachel was inside the airlock, wrapped in a fuzzy warm coat, walking toward Dani.
I guess I spent too long looking at the clouds to notice her walking in.
“Hey!” Dani walked over and gave her friend a small hug. It felt natural to her, no longer a weird social norm she had to get used to. She felt good, wanted to give Rachel a hello-hug, so she did. It pained her that life hadn’t always been that simple.
“Wow, you’re wearing the outfit we got you!” Rachel removed her coat and folded it over her arm. Her outfit was similar to Dani’s, though her pants were nicer and her main color was cream instead of blue.
I see why she felt comfortable taking me to that store. At least my jeans make it so we aren’t totally matching, not that she seems to mind.
Rachel grabbed the door handle to the department store and Dani followed right behind her.
***
The mall was a puzzling place for Rachel. On one hand, she loved being able to browse a myriad of items in a weather-controlled space. There was easy access to food, lots of walking to be done, and a chance to run into friends unexpectedly! It could easily be heaven.
But on the other hand, it was sensory overload. Crowds of strangers she was required to brush past, harsh lights giving her migraines, the strong smells from shoe stores, food stands, and people with dubious hygiene all churning around in the air. Those were the things that made it hell.
She had certainly come a long way from hating the mall as a teenager, only using it as a meet up spot to smoke with friends or replenish her stash in the empty spots of the parking lot. Now it was a place she could actually enjoy.
Sometimes.
Day two without smoking, not bad. It was only a month and a half, I knew it wouldn’t be a big deal.
Her return to habit after Simon broke up with her had helped her cope, but she knew it was dragging out longer than she wanted. Part of the reason she asked Dani to spend the day with her with such urgency was to have a good distraction from staying home alone all day. Of course, it did run the risk of her bringing up her roommate in conversation.
Dani seems smart enough to not do anything like that. Right?
The two women walked side by side through the mall, neither taking any initiative on where to go first. Rachel found herself surprised with how fast her perception of Dani was changing in her mind. She admired how much work the newly-out trans woman had done to make that happen. A new voice, practiced makeup, and flattering clothes. It made her wonder if “Danny” was even a real person, because she could hardly see any traces left.
To Rachel, the situation mirrored her own “glow up” after graduating high school. Though sometimes she felt her newer self was the fake one and she was always meant to be a loser.
How does she seem so natural at it all? It took me years to get where she is, and I was raised to be a woman from birth! Though, I guess I helped her out with the clothes stuff. Nobody did anything like that for me.
“Did you eat lunch yet?” Dani asked. She broke the silence that had fallen on them since they started walking.
“Huh?” Rachel almost lost her balance at the sudden interruption. “Oh, I haven’t yet. But we can eat first if you’d like.” She had to look down to talk to her.
Dani twisted her mouth and slowed down to look in one of the store windows. “I don’t mind waiting. Not super hungry right now.”
Rachel nodded and stopped to look in the window with her. Clothed mannequins stood on the opposite side, showing off various styles of outdoor apparel.
Why didn’t I say I was hungry? I could still say it, really. But if I’m the one that makes us eat then it will just highlight how much I loom over her.
“I do really need a nice warm coat,” Dani said. She was eyeing a small, lilac coat made on a model.
Rachel saw it as a chance to help her out again. “Do you plan on going hiking a lot?”
“Um, no. Is that what that’s for?”
“Yeah, it’s made from some tougher materials.”
Dani frowned and then sighed.
“Well, don’t get me wrong,” Rachel continued. “You could still wear it! It’s cute, I just figured you might not need it to be so… heavy. And it would be more expensive than a regular coat!”
“Oh, okay.” Her face returned to neutral. “So, umm, do you think you could help me pick one out somewhere else, then?”
“Of course! I know a good store here, it’s on the opposite side of the mall, though.”
What am I saying, Dani is a sweetheart. She wouldn’t think less of me for being hungry. That’s now the type of person she is…
But I still can’t say anything. I’m supposed to be helping her, I have to put on the best showing possible. A guide to all things feminine, that’s me.
She looked at her reflection in the store window, standing a tiny bit taller than the raised mannequin across from her. It mocked her. Reminded her of the years she spent feeling isolated for her height. It tried to convince her she was the last person who should be helping someone feel feminine and confident.
Rachel blinked, thrusting all of that to the back of her mind to be dealt with later.
“Dani, what if we go get your ears pierced today?”
Announcement Read four chapters ahead, and access two exclusive fluff chapters over on my Patreon~Also! Check out discord.gg/kuMCnkdF3c to talk about the story and get some of the inside scoop on what's coming up!
On the last day of November, the sky was entirely gray. The clouds made it impossible to tell where the sun was, and threatened to cover the world below in snow. Dani hoped they would be able to contain themselves; she still didn’t have a proper winter coat.
I have to remember to buy one today, she told herself. Talking to herself and worrying about the weather kept her from feeling awkward as she stood in one place and people walked past her in both directions. She stood in the air lock of a department store attached to a shopping mall. It was her first time there, at Rachel’s request. Despite the longer drive, her new friend swore it would have a better selection than the strip mall they had visited before.
And so Dani found herself looking out the window at the dreary day, while she waited for Rachel at their agreed meeting spot.
I hope Rachel isn’t mad I’m not wearing the complete outfit. But it’s her fault for suggesting I buy a skirt right before winter starts.
Dani looked down. Somehow she talked herself into wearing the navy sweater vest she bought before Thanksgiving. It was over the white dress shirt she got alongside it. Unfortunately, she refused to go out in sub-forty degree weather in a skirt, and instead chose to wear some plain blue jeans. Though in truth, she wasn’t sure she was ready for the skirt in any weather.
If I had navy jeans, maybe it would look better. Oh well, nobody has given me weird looks, so that’s something.
Regardless of the minor wardrobe concern, Dani wasn’t nervous. Sure, she would still tense up whenever a group of teenagers passed, but she didn’t try and hide behind a support pillar or the dilapidated plastic plant in the corner. She stood determined and steady to the side of the entrance to make sure Rachel didn’t pass her by when she finally arrived.
Since returning from Simon’s family Thanksgiving she had felt that way. Her confidence that had been tucked away for so long was finally beating out her paranoia. At work, the customers were happier. At the apartment, Simon and Ryan seemed normal and they all got along like they used to. Ryan had even taken her to dinner without any prompting!
And now she was about to spend the day having fun with a friend, buying new clothes. She was almost let down by how unceremonious the transition from being anxious and miserable all the time to being content with her life had been. Or, she would have if she wasn’t spending all of her time enjoying the results.
“Hey, there you are!” Rachel was inside the airlock, wrapped in a fuzzy warm coat, walking toward Dani.
I guess I spent too long looking at the clouds to notice her walking in.
“Hey!” Dani walked over and gave her friend a small hug. It felt natural to her, no longer a weird social norm she had to get used to. She felt good, wanted to give Rachel a hello-hug, so she did. It pained her that life hadn’t always been that simple.
“Wow, you’re wearing the outfit we got you!” Rachel removed her coat and folded it over her arm. Her outfit was similar to Dani’s, though her pants were nicer and her main color was cream instead of blue.
I see why she felt comfortable taking me to that store. At least my jeans make it so we aren’t totally matching, not that she seems to mind.
Rachel grabbed the door handle to the department store and Dani followed right behind her.
***
The mall was a puzzling place for Rachel. On one hand, she loved being able to browse a myriad of items in a weather-controlled space. There was easy access to food, lots of walking to be done, and a chance to run into friends unexpectedly! It could easily be heaven.
But on the other hand, it was sensory overload. Crowds of strangers she was required to brush past, harsh lights giving her migraines, the strong smells from shoe stores, food stands, and people with dubious hygiene all churning around in the air. Those were the things that made it hell.
She had certainly come a long way from hating the mall as a teenager, only using it as a meet up spot to smoke with friends or replenish her stash in the empty spots of the parking lot. Now it was a place she could actually enjoy.
Sometimes.
Day two without smoking, not bad. It was only a month and a half, I knew it wouldn’t be a big deal.
Her return to habit after Simon broke up with her had helped her cope, but she knew it was dragging out longer than she wanted. Part of the reason she asked Dani to spend the day with her with such urgency was to have a good distraction from staying home alone all day. Of course, it did run the risk of her bringing up her roommate in conversation.
Dani seems smart enough to not do anything like that. Right?
The two women walked side by side through the mall, neither taking any initiative on where to go first. Rachel found herself surprised with how fast her perception of Dani was changing in her mind. She admired how much work the newly-out trans woman had done to make that happen. A new voice, practiced makeup, and flattering clothes. It made her wonder if “Danny” was even a real person, because she could hardly see any traces left.
To Rachel, the situation mirrored her own “glow up” after graduating high school. Though sometimes she felt her newer self was the fake one and she was always meant to be a loser.
How does she seem so natural at it all? It took me years to get where she is, and I was raised to be a woman from birth! Though, I guess I helped her out with the clothes stuff. Nobody did anything like that for me.
“Did you eat lunch yet?” Dani asked. She broke the silence that had fallen on them since they started walking.
“Huh?” Rachel almost lost her balance at the sudden interruption. “Oh, I haven’t yet. But we can eat first if you’d like.” She had to look down to talk to her.
Dani twisted her mouth and slowed down to look in one of the store windows. “I don’t mind waiting. Not super hungry right now.”
Rachel nodded and stopped to look in the window with her. Clothed mannequins stood on the opposite side, showing off various styles of outdoor apparel.
Why didn’t I say I was hungry? I could still say it, really. But if I’m the one that makes us eat then it will just highlight how much I loom over her.
“I do really need a nice warm coat,” Dani said. She was eyeing a small, lilac coat made on a model.
Rachel saw it as a chance to help her out again. “Do you plan on going hiking a lot?”
“Um, no. Is that what that’s for?”
“Yeah, it’s made from some tougher materials.”
Dani frowned and then sighed.
“Well, don’t get me wrong,” Rachel continued. “You could still wear it! It’s cute, I just figured you might not need it to be so… heavy. And it would be more expensive than a regular coat!”
“Oh, okay.” Her face returned to neutral. “So, umm, do you think you could help me pick one out somewhere else, then?”
“Of course! I know a good store here, it’s on the opposite side of the mall, though.”
What am I saying, Dani is a sweetheart. She wouldn’t think less of me for being hungry. That’s now the type of person she is…
But I still can’t say anything. I’m supposed to be helping her, I have to put on the best showing possible. A guide to all things feminine, that’s me.
She looked at her reflection in the store window, standing a tiny bit taller than the raised mannequin across from her. It mocked her. Reminded her of the years she spent feeling isolated for her height. It tried to convince her she was the last person who should be helping someone feel feminine and confident.
Rachel blinked, thrusting all of that to the back of her mind to be dealt with later.
“Dani, what if we go get your ears pierced today?”
Announcement Read four chapters ahead, and access two exclusive fluff chapters over on my Patreon~Also! Check out discord.gg/kuMCnkdF3c to talk about the story and get some of the inside scoop on what's coming up!
