The kettle beeped, and Dani stood up.
“I’ll get it!” She said in her usual cheery voice.
Ryan muttered his thanks and stayed put on the couch, where he paused the movie they had started. He watched as his roommate-girlfriend walked to the kitchen, leaving him in a half-full blanket wrap.
This is nice. I should be feeling good, and happy, and…
It was freezing outside, with limp, minuscule snowflakes falling and disappearing the moment any landed. They both had the day off and Ryan proposed cuddling on the couch to watch a Christmas movie. He needed a distraction from the constant thoughts of his family that plagued his head. And besides, he thought Dani was looking particularly soft and squeezable that day. But somehow, against all odds, he found a way to be miserable.
“Did you want apple cinnamon or chai?” Dani called out from the kitchen. She was holding two boxes of tea, cradling them in her arms like they were her own children.
Ryan let out a small smile, then forced it into a larger one. “The apple cinnamon sounds good.”
He couldn’t let Dani know that anything was wrong. If he went into detail about just how awful his family was, how they pushed one of their own away, she could end up hurting on his behalf. Or worse, she might decide to break off their situation entirely. Why would she want to be a part of a family that wouldn’t want her? He didn’t know how to fix the situation, but he did decide to think more about it before telling anyone else.
She seems happier than ever. If I bring up my family problems now it will just mess with her head. She doesn’t deserve that.
Ryan leaned over onto a pillow and stared at the paused television. They were less than fifteen minutes into a movie he had never seen, but Dani said was a holiday classic she would watch every year with her family. He wondered how she was able to bring that fact up without losing any of the joy in her eyes.
What happened at Thanksgiving that changed things so much? It’s obviously a good thing but it was so out of the blue. Maybe Simon knows more.
From his cozy position on the couch, Ryan could hear Dani pouring the kettle water into two mugs. It was her idea for them to drink tea together to stay warm. Winter had taken a while to arrive, and now that it had, the temperature was dropping by a few degrees every day. Ryan grabbed his phone from his pocket without sitting up. He wanted to confirm how cold it had gotten when he noticed his contacts app was still open.
Earlier that day, he had peeked at the missing cousin’s number he obtained from Abby over a week earlier.
Heather…
He couldn’t bring himself to send a text message, though he had made a few nervous attempts. One draft asking if they could chat on the phone and catch up, another requesting a face-to-face meeting to discuss some deeper topics like her family abandonment. None of them sat right with him. He wanted to reconnect with her but he had an additional motive of asking how she learned to ignore what the family expected of her. How she got rid of the voice in her head that made her feel ashamed for loving who she did.
For all I know she wants nothing to do with me. She may see me as bad as the rest of them and– Well, I guess I was as bad as the rest of them at one point.
“You texting someone?” Dani asked, startling Ryan. She was standing back in the living room with the two steaming mugs in her hands.
“No,” Ryan said. “Checking the weather. I can’t believe how fast the temp dropped.”
Dani set the mugs down on the coffee table, atop some cheap plastic coasters Simon brought home from a yard sale. They were effectively laminated paper scraps with pictures of cartoon animals on them. Ryan’s mug was blocking the view of an ostrich in a bandana while Dani placed hers over a fox in a bonnet, which was her favorite. Simon had been mocked for buying such strange items but they saw a fair amount of use.
With the mugs safely on the table, Dani crawled back into the blanket as Ryan resumed his proper posture. Their shared warmth was enough for Ryan but when Dani suggested tea to keep them warm, she seemed so happy that he didn’t want to say no. They grabbed their mugs and held them close to their chests. Dani blew soft air at her tea while Ryan unpaused their movie.
***
The familiar tune of “Last Christmas” played as the credits rolled down the screen. It was still light outside, barely an hour past noon, yet Dani was asleep on Ryan’s arm. The scent of cinnamon lingered in the air even though their mugs were empty and back on their coasters. Ryan considered waking her up to tell her the movie had finished but stopped when he looked at her peaceful pale face.
She looks so calm. I can’t believe she’s the same nervous… person who moved in with us in the spring. I wish we got to both feel calm at the same time. It’s like the better she gets the worse I do. Even Simon has been in a better mood lately.
He slowly leaned backward on the couch, guiding Dani down with him so that he was lying on his back with Dani sleeping on his chest. His legs, which had been uncharacteristically folded under him, slid out and stretched along the couch on either side of Dani’s.
With his careful maneuver complete, he sighed. He still hadn’t gotten used to how much he liked Dani. How every day he found her tiny dorky mannerisms cuter, or how her voice could make him smile when it was the first thing he heard after coming home from work.
Her birthday is next week. I should get her something really nice. Nicer than a gift card.
He noticed as he looked at her that she had small gold studs in her ears. Part of him thought she maybe always had those, or at least since coming out and wearing makeup regularly.
Maybe clothes? Something she would look cute in.
As his mind thought of all the things she did that he liked, she wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled herself tighter toward him. It was like she had an instinct to cling to him, even when she was asleep.
I don’t know how long this will last. But I need to do my part to make it as long as possible.
Ryan pulled his phone out, careful not to wake Dani. He found Heather’s number again and opened their empty text conversation.
I’ll just have to be as honest as possible.
He got to work typing up every stray thought he had about the matter. How he felt awful that he hadn’t reached out sooner, that he truly wanted to reconnect with her as a cousin, his own issues with their family. By the end of everything, he had gone well over the character limit and his phone warned him it would have to be sent as three separate messages.
Maybe this is all too much. Especially if she doesn’t want to hear from any of us again.
Ryan held his thumb over the delete button and was ready to hold it down and undo his minutes of typing. But he couldn’t. Dani stirred in her sleep and made a cute dream noise with a big smile on her face. He knew that if he wanted to actually try with Dani, if he genuinely wanted to be in a relationship with her and not hurt her, he had to change something.
Sorry if this is a lot, Heather. It’s all I can think to do.
He pressed send and the messages popped on the screen one by one until everything was sent.
Announcement Read four chapters ahead and check out the exclusive fluff chapters over on my Patreon~Also my discord.gg/kuMCnkdF3c
The kettle beeped, and Dani stood up.
“I’ll get it!” She said in her usual cheery voice.
Ryan muttered his thanks and stayed put on the couch, where he paused the movie they had started. He watched as his roommate-girlfriend walked to the kitchen, leaving him in a half-full blanket wrap.
This is nice. I should be feeling good, and happy, and…
It was freezing outside, with limp, minuscule snowflakes falling and disappearing the moment any landed. They both had the day off and Ryan proposed cuddling on the couch to watch a Christmas movie. He needed a distraction from the constant thoughts of his family that plagued his head. And besides, he thought Dani was looking particularly soft and squeezable that day. But somehow, against all odds, he found a way to be miserable.
“Did you want apple cinnamon or chai?” Dani called out from the kitchen. She was holding two boxes of tea, cradling them in her arms like they were her own children.
Ryan let out a small smile, then forced it into a larger one. “The apple cinnamon sounds good.”
He couldn’t let Dani know that anything was wrong. If he went into detail about just how awful his family was, how they pushed one of their own away, she could end up hurting on his behalf. Or worse, she might decide to break off their situation entirely. Why would she want to be a part of a family that wouldn’t want her? He didn’t know how to fix the situation, but he did decide to think more about it before telling anyone else.
She seems happier than ever. If I bring up my family problems now it will just mess with her head. She doesn’t deserve that.
Ryan leaned over onto a pillow and stared at the paused television. They were less than fifteen minutes into a movie he had never seen, but Dani said was a holiday classic she would watch every year with her family. He wondered how she was able to bring that fact up without losing any of the joy in her eyes.
What happened at Thanksgiving that changed things so much? It’s obviously a good thing but it was so out of the blue. Maybe Simon knows more.
From his cozy position on the couch, Ryan could hear Dani pouring the kettle water into two mugs. It was her idea for them to drink tea together to stay warm. Winter had taken a while to arrive, and now that it had, the temperature was dropping by a few degrees every day. Ryan grabbed his phone from his pocket without sitting up. He wanted to confirm how cold it had gotten when he noticed his contacts app was still open.
Earlier that day, he had peeked at the missing cousin’s number he obtained from Abby over a week earlier.
Heather…
He couldn’t bring himself to send a text message, though he had made a few nervous attempts. One draft asking if they could chat on the phone and catch up, another requesting a face-to-face meeting to discuss some deeper topics like her family abandonment. None of them sat right with him. He wanted to reconnect with her but he had an additional motive of asking how she learned to ignore what the family expected of her. How she got rid of the voice in her head that made her feel ashamed for loving who she did.
For all I know she wants nothing to do with me. She may see me as bad as the rest of them and– Well, I guess I was as bad as the rest of them at one point.
“You texting someone?” Dani asked, startling Ryan. She was standing back in the living room with the two steaming mugs in her hands.
“No,” Ryan said. “Checking the weather. I can’t believe how fast the temp dropped.”
Dani set the mugs down on the coffee table, atop some cheap plastic coasters Simon brought home from a yard sale. They were effectively laminated paper scraps with pictures of cartoon animals on them. Ryan’s mug was blocking the view of an ostrich in a bandana while Dani placed hers over a fox in a bonnet, which was her favorite. Simon had been mocked for buying such strange items but they saw a fair amount of use.
With the mugs safely on the table, Dani crawled back into the blanket as Ryan resumed his proper posture. Their shared warmth was enough for Ryan but when Dani suggested tea to keep them warm, she seemed so happy that he didn’t want to say no. They grabbed their mugs and held them close to their chests. Dani blew soft air at her tea while Ryan unpaused their movie.
***
The familiar tune of “Last Christmas” played as the credits rolled down the screen. It was still light outside, barely an hour past noon, yet Dani was asleep on Ryan’s arm. The scent of cinnamon lingered in the air even though their mugs were empty and back on their coasters. Ryan considered waking her up to tell her the movie had finished but stopped when he looked at her peaceful pale face.
She looks so calm. I can’t believe she’s the same nervous… person who moved in with us in the spring. I wish we got to both feel calm at the same time. It’s like the better she gets the worse I do. Even Simon has been in a better mood lately.
He slowly leaned backward on the couch, guiding Dani down with him so that he was lying on his back with Dani sleeping on his chest. His legs, which had been uncharacteristically folded under him, slid out and stretched along the couch on either side of Dani’s.
With his careful maneuver complete, he sighed. He still hadn’t gotten used to how much he liked Dani. How every day he found her tiny dorky mannerisms cuter, or how her voice could make him smile when it was the first thing he heard after coming home from work.
Her birthday is next week. I should get her something really nice. Nicer than a gift card.
He noticed as he looked at her that she had small gold studs in her ears. Part of him thought she maybe always had those, or at least since coming out and wearing makeup regularly.
Maybe clothes? Something she would look cute in.
As his mind thought of all the things she did that he liked, she wrapped her arms around his chest and pulled herself tighter toward him. It was like she had an instinct to cling to him, even when she was asleep.
I don’t know how long this will last. But I need to do my part to make it as long as possible.
Ryan pulled his phone out, careful not to wake Dani. He found Heather’s number again and opened their empty text conversation.
I’ll just have to be as honest as possible.
He got to work typing up every stray thought he had about the matter. How he felt awful that he hadn’t reached out sooner, that he truly wanted to reconnect with her as a cousin, his own issues with their family. By the end of everything, he had gone well over the character limit and his phone warned him it would have to be sent as three separate messages.
Maybe this is all too much. Especially if she doesn’t want to hear from any of us again.
Ryan held his thumb over the delete button and was ready to hold it down and undo his minutes of typing. But he couldn’t. Dani stirred in her sleep and made a cute dream noise with a big smile on her face. He knew that if he wanted to actually try with Dani, if he genuinely wanted to be in a relationship with her and not hurt her, he had to change something.
Sorry if this is a lot, Heather. It’s all I can think to do.
He pressed send and the messages popped on the screen one by one until everything was sent.
Announcement Read four chapters ahead and check out the exclusive fluff chapters over on my Patreon~Also my discord.gg/kuMCnkdF3c
